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Bonus IMPROV - The Problem Was that You Were Obviously Thinking · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome welcome welcome bienvenidos bienvenidos bienvenidos a miami
• 0:17
  to very fine friends.
• 0:24
  It's time for a little bonus improv joke.
• 0:28
  Can we get a suggestion?
• 0:31
  Their suggestion is perpetrator.
• 0:36
  Perpetrator.
• 0:41
  Per a traitor.
• 0:44
  I always wish that cops would say,
• 0:46
  yeah we got the traitor in the cell over there in the other room yeah shorten it the other way
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  perpetrator sounds like a a very like nice fancy word and it's diminutive form of perp is like the
• 1:01
  opposite yeah perp sounds very like you'll stinker oh no it sounds like i don't know it sounds like
• 1:09
  what it is like like a dirt bag like yeah yeah you're right but perpetrator makes it sound like
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  oh like we just did a an art heist or something yeah but perp makes it sound like oh yeah you're
• 1:21
  just like a thug you're right these are valid thank you accurate opinions they're now facts
• 1:28
  and the annals of history yes also annals and annals do you think anyone's ever had sex in
• 1:38
  the annals and called it anal sex.
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  Wait.
• 1:44
  All right.
• 1:45
  Are annals real places or are they just of history fame?
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  I think in,
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  I think in some places it could be like,
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  like an archive,
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  like I'll,
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  we'll meet you down in the annals,
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  but that's purely speculative.
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  Okay.
• 2:00
  I just wanted to make the joke.
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  It was good.
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  Good joke.
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  Back to perpetrator.
• 2:08
  Yeah.
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  it's the worst crime you've ever committed me yeah
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  hmm thoughts thought crime i've had some really very evil thoughts yeah mostly like revenge-based
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  yeah like well the things i would do
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  but that's not a crime you're allowed to do those things in your mind
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  yeah that's why i'm innocent i'm innocent i tell you um i've been so mad it's at someone once that
• 2:43
  i remember like the way i must have been looking at them that they immediately changed their
• 2:49
  approach oh really yeah like you just gave them a death glare so hard that
• 2:55
  that suddenly they were helpful and nice and i think that was totally out of self They like this guy going to kill me He about to go berserk Berserk to perp
• 3:07
  Pipeline.
• 3:09
  That would be a good reality show.
• 3:14
  Yeah.
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  It would.
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  And now, improv.
• 3:26
  Officer, I don't understand.
• 3:29
  I didn't do anything wrong.
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  I was just sitting here thinking.
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  That's not a crime.
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  Well, ma'am, the problem was that you were obviously thinking.
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  And you know in these parts, all thoughts need to be locked down in private.
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  But you were doing hand gestures.
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  You had your hand on your chin.
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  And you were looking up to the sky.
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  Clearly lost in thought.
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  That is a class three misdemeanor.
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  No, but I mean, you didn't even know what I was thinking about.
• 3:55
  What if I was thinking about feeding homeless puppies or something?
• 4:01
  That's a good thought, right?
• 4:03
  I mean, you don't know what was going on in my head.
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  You don't know that they happen to be dark thoughts.
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  Ma'am, in this county, we err on the side of caution.
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  Please put your hands behind your back.
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  You're going to the slammer.
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  Oh, come on, officer.
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  No.
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  Hold on.
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  Are you thinking something now?
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  Hey, hey, you stop that.
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  No.
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  No.
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  Miss.
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  No.
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  Bang.
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  Bang.
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  Bang.
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  Bang.
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  Why'd you make me do that?
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  You were reaching for your thought gun.
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  Two weeks later.
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  Officer Borshap, please come into my office.
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  I'm here.
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  I'm ready.
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  we've uh the ethics board has reviewed the footage of the incident and we have decided that was it was
• 5:05
  a clean shoot oh god we could tell from the look on her face she was in fact reaching for her thought
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  gun so you had no choice but to reach for your real gun and shoot her thank you she was she was
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  up to some real weird thoughts
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  there. We could tell that
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  she was
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  not only reaching for her thought gun,
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  but she had assembled your family there
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  to watch.
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  She was going to do it in front of your whole family.
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  So,
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  under these circumstances, I feel like, yes,
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  you were justified.
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  It's good to know that my instincts were right, sir.
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  Yes, though I'm glad that when the moment
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  came, the training kicked in
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  and you were safe.
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  So, here's
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  Here's your badge back.
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  Oh, thank you.
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  Here's your gun.
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  And here, I'm giving you an extra gun as a present.
• 5:58
  Two guns Wow Yeah I promise to only uphold the law and to do good Well Officer Borshad I sure you will
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  Thank you.
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  Now, get back out there and protect and serve.
• 6:14
  Yes, sir.
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  Later that day.
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  Whoop, whoop.
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  What?
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  Oh.
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  For me, are you?
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  Pull over!
• 6:30
  Oh, sorry, okay.
• 6:33
  I'm pulling up.
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  I'm trying to find a safe place to pull over.
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  All right, all right.
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  Got it, okay.
• 6:44
  Oh, yeah.
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  Put them up.
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  Put your hands up.
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  That's right.
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  I've got two guns.
• 6:53
  Well, officer, what's the problem, officer?
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  You know what the problem is.
• 6:58
  Was I speeding?
• 7:00
  I was just...
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  You were thinking about speeding.
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  No, I was.
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  But...
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  But I didn't, though.
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  I was just thinking I wish I could get to my appointment sooner.
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  That's a class six misdemeanor in this county.
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  No, officer, please.
• 7:16
  No, no, no, no, no.
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  I just needed to get to my son's school.
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  I was running a little bit late.
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  All I was thinking was I wish they could speed.
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  Oh, everyone just calm down.
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  Okay.
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  Everyone just take a breath.
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  Can I put my hands down?
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  Are you going to put your guns down?
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  I'll put one gun down.
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  Okay.
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  One gun, one hand.
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  Okay.
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  All right.
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  I'll put one hand down too.
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  Okay.
• 7:40
  All right.
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  All right.
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  I apologize.
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  It's hard to know what's real anymore because I recently went through a whole thing.
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  But you know how dangerous thoughts can be.
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  Oh, sure.
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  Of course.
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  My cousin was killed by thoughts.
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  I would never.
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  Okay.
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  Okay. Well, that was close. I thought I got to be honest.
• 7:59
  There's a part of me that was worried that I was going to shoot every single
• 8:02
  person I pulled over. Oh, well, here, let me just lean over. Do you let me,
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  let me grab something out of the glove compartment.
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  Why did you make me do this?
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  Got to two weeks later. Officer Borshot. Yes, sir.
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  Back in my office, please. Thank you, sir.
• 8:22
  I want to let you know
• 8:26
  the ethics board
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  has reviewed
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  footage
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  of the last shooting
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  and they have the results
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  the results are in
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  it was a clean shoot
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  oh thank god
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  oh thank god sir
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  it looked as though she was in fact
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  thinking
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  about reaching into her glove box
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  to give you her phone number as some kind of a bribe.
• 8:58
  She thought you were cute.
• 9:00
  Oh wow That was what was going on in her head I can believe I came this close to being bribed sir There some sickos out there Really There are I want you to know you did the right thing
• 9:10
  You avoided temptation, the bribery, and our streets are now cleaner.
• 9:18
  Her son doesn't have a mother anymore, but it's probably for the best.
• 9:22
  Yeah, he was going to probably grow up to have thoughts of his own.
• 9:25
  I know.
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  We can't have that.
• 9:27
  Well.
• 9:27
  So here's your gun.
• 9:29
  Here's both your other gun.
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  Can I have your badge?
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  A third gun?
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  Your way out of me.
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  Here's your third gun.
• 9:39
  Oh, an ankle gun.
• 9:41
  Yep.
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  Thank you, sir.
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  I feel like you've earned it.
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  God bless you, sir.
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  I can't.
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  I'm so anxious to get back in the streets.
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  I need you back out there.
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  You're our best man.
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  Okay.
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  All right.
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  Get out there.
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  Get to the streets.
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  la dee da
• 10:01
  oh
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  what
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  is that for me
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  I'm just
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  yes it's for you
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  oh I'm sorry
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  I'm
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  I'm only
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  I'm only seven
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  put your hands up
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  and put the
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  poly pocket down
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  which one do you
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  want me to do first
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  officer
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  don't back talk
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  me miss
• 10:24
  no
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  okay I'm not
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  oh no
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  poly pocket down
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  first
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  Hands up.
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  All right.
• 10:30
  Officer, what seems to be the problem?
• 10:32
  I was on my way to kindergarten.
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  I'm an old kindergartner.
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  I got a whiff of an idea coming off you.
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  Were you thinking about skipping class?
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  What?
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  No, I would never.
• 10:51
  Today's hopscotch day.
• 10:52
  I love hopscotch day.
• 10:54
  Hold on.
• 10:54
  Let me check in with the dispatch to see if that checks out.
• 10:58
  Did you confirm that today is hopscotch day?
• 11:03
  Oh, today is, in fact, hopscotch day.
• 11:07
  Huh.
• 11:08
  All right.
• 11:09
  That checks out.
• 11:12
  But, uh, have you been trained in hopscotch?
• 11:17
  Well, yes.
• 11:19
  Uh, yes, by a real hopscotch professional.
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  All right.
• 11:25
  Well, listen.
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  My instinct is to shoot.
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  Something's telling me there's something special about you.
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  So I don't know what I'm going to do.
• 11:36
  Thank you, officer.
• 11:37
  Yeah.
• 11:40
  Here.
• 11:41
  Have you ever seen an ankle gun?
• 11:43
  No.
• 11:45
  I've only seen handguns.
• 11:46
  Check this out.
• 11:47
  This is a gift from my superior.
• 11:49
  Oh, you're handing it to me.
• 11:50
  She got a gun!
• 11:56
  See you.