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276. Every High Libido Husband Needs To Know These Things About His Low Libido Wife · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
0:07
Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
0:16
Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
0:24
Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
0:41
Speaker 2: Every high libido husband needs to know these things about his low libido wife.
0:47
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy.
0:52
Speaker 2: So I asked Amy before we jumped on.
0:56
Speaker 2: I said you are a low libido wife, I am a high libido husband, a very high, high, and we still have a great intimate life, right?
1:10
Speaker 1: everybody tells me that the older you get, your libido stops dropping libido stops dropping.
1:16
Speaker 1: I mean starts dropping or starts starts dropping, you're like 48 my mind and your libido keeps going up yeah, when is this supposed to like bounce out a little bit, because I've heard mine's supposed to get better and you're supposed to come down and we're gonna hit some fine middle fairy tan fairy tale I caught balance right.
1:36
Speaker 2: I caught amy searching on google for diagra no, you didn't and I was like what is going on?
1:43
Speaker 1: there?
1:43
Speaker 1: No, he didn't.
1:44
Speaker 1: He's joking, but.
1:46
Speaker 2: No, but in all seriousness, we have a great sex life.
1:50
Speaker 2: It takes work.
1:52
Speaker 1: It takes work, but Amy's a low libido wife.
1:54
Speaker 2: I'm a very high libido husband, so I asked Amy.
1:57
Speaker 2: I said, all right, this podcast.
2:00
Speaker 2: You are a low libido wife.
2:02
Speaker 2: You need to tell the audience.
2:08
Speaker 2: These are the things that you need to know.
2:09
Speaker 2: These are the things, husbands, that you need to know about your low libido wife.
2:12
Speaker 1: And so, yeah, okay, he totally put me on the spot.
2:16
Speaker 1: So I'm going to say the first thing I would say is to remind the husbands it's not about you, like not to take it personally.
2:29
Speaker 2: It's not you, it's me.
2:30
Speaker 1: It's not you, it's me Honestly.
2:34
Speaker 1: Honestly, though, like sometimes Nick feels like do you love me still?
2:38
Speaker 1: Do you still desire me sexually, do you?
2:41
Speaker 1: It's different than when we were first married?
2:42
Speaker 1: Yes, the answer is yes.
2:46
Speaker 1: It's just like after having kids, body changes, career changes, like life just throws stuff at you and your body changes and women's bodies especially.
2:56
Speaker 1: There's things that cause low libido and like I don't think you want me to get into all those things.
3:01
Speaker 2: But I do.
3:02
Speaker 1: I want to listen to everyone the whole point is like it's not always about you.
3:05
Speaker 1: It's not because we don't love you want me to get into all those things, but I do.
3:06
Speaker 1: I want to enlist everyone.
3:06
Speaker 1: The whole point is like it's not always about you.
3:07
Speaker 1: It's not because we don't love you or desire you.
3:08
Speaker 1: It's literally we're going through some stuff.
3:11
Speaker 1: Our body has changed.
3:13
Speaker 1: I know that sucks, that sucks.
3:15
Speaker 2: Especially when you just don't understand.
3:17
Speaker 1: We don't understand your body.
3:18
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't understand our body, you know.
3:21
Speaker 2: Yeah.
3:22
Speaker 1: No.
3:22
Speaker 2: I get it, and we as men do take it personally, though.
3:26
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, like, how could you not like this?
3:29
Speaker 2: I mean, look at this man, how could you not want to just rip my clothes off and make mad, passionate love to me?
3:34
Speaker 2: So we as men don't understand that right.
3:37
Speaker 1: No, you don't.
3:38
Speaker 2: Because that's the way we are Right.
3:40
Speaker 2: We look at you and I'm like, oh my heck, I want to just tackle her right now.
3:43
Speaker 2: So, um, anyways, we only know what we know or how we think, and that's that's where it really comes down to having that great communication and talking about it, because I just assume that, man I'm, if I'm getting rejected, she just isn't into me, like I am her, or she just doesn't find me attractive, or, um, you know what?
4:04
Speaker 2: It's not always about that.
4:05
Speaker 1: I know me like I am her or she just doesn't find me attractive, or um you know what obviously about?
4:06
Speaker 2: that I know, and that's why we're doing this podcast right so attractive.
4:09
Speaker 1: Staying attractive.
4:10
Speaker 2: Still important though so what are the?
4:12
Speaker 2: What are the?
4:13
Speaker 2: How do we, how do couples resolve that?
4:16
Speaker 2: I mean, when you say it's not about you, it's me.
4:19
Speaker 1: I hate to bring up the word we always say called communication, but it literally is that.
4:23
Speaker 1: Like when I say it's, I want you to understand that I love you and I still desire you, I'm still attracted to you.
4:29
Speaker 1: It's not that it's like let's talk about my body, let's talk about why it's changed, what has changed it.
4:35
Speaker 1: This is how I feel.
4:36
Speaker 1: I want to have your drive.
4:37
Speaker 1: Those conversations are really important because then a husband can say say oh, that makes me feel better, because sometimes I worry that you feel this way.
4:48
Speaker 1: Well, that's not accurate.
4:49
Speaker 1: So please don't assume.
4:51
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, it's not good to assume in marriage.
4:54
Speaker 1: So this is one of those subjects where people can really start to assume like maybe she's just not into me anymore, maybe she just is falling out of love with me, or maybe I'm not romantic or like whatever that is.
5:05
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like no, literally like my mind's a mess or I'm tired or stressed, like all those reasons like sometimes you just need to have the conversation yeah, so that's, that's the reason.
5:17
Speaker 2: So, obviously, what's the solution?
5:18
Speaker 2: Because we can understand the reasons, all we want, but if there's not really a solution or or a way to work things out or find that balance, what you know we can.
5:28
Speaker 2: We can know all the reasons, all we want, but there has to be like figuring out so what.
5:33
Speaker 2: I guess what the question is is we have a I feel like we have a really good intimate life so it takes prioritizing.
5:41
Speaker 2: So what do you do?
5:42
Speaker 2: Even though you feel that way and many other wives feel that way, what are things that you do to maybe prioritize or still make sure we have a good intimate life?
5:52
Speaker 1: I have to self-dive a little bit and think, okay, well, maybe we can talk about the solution at the end, because there's a couple other things I want to talk about that kind of have to do with the solution.
6:03
Speaker 1: Okay, so this solution, for it's not about you, it's not your fault, the more little about this.
6:09
Speaker 1: That solution is going to be the communication, like having this task and being open about it, like it's not about you.
6:13
Speaker 1: I'll tell you why.
6:15
Speaker 2: Okay.
6:15
Speaker 1: That's the solution.
6:16
Speaker 1: So my next reason for to tell husbands like I have low libido, you have a high drive.
6:21
Speaker 1: The next reason goes, goes with.
6:24
Speaker 1: It's not about you.
6:25
Speaker 1: The next reason is like I'm literally stressed, I'm literally exhausted and my mind is a mental disaster.
6:31
Speaker 1: Now not a disaster, but some days we have so much on our mind and hold on what's going on, what's going on in your life I this is coming out new to me.
6:41
Speaker 2: You're a mental no.
6:42
Speaker 2: 10 years ago my mind was a mental disaster.
6:44
Speaker 1: I was carrying all the financial weight on the family.
6:46
Speaker 1: For the family, I was a mental disaster and that killed my drive I will absolutely say that killed my drive.
6:52
Speaker 1: So if, if there's resentment, if there's something that happened that killed your like, you literally like for women, we have to remember, like our libido is tied, our sex drive is tied to our brain.
7:03
Speaker 1: Our brain is our biggest sex organ, literally.
7:07
Speaker 1: Like we have to be positive, positive about sex, we have to be positive in the relationship, we have to feel connected.
7:12
Speaker 1: We need all those things mentally to stimulate us before we can even get aroused or even want to Right.
7:18
Speaker 2: For sure.
7:19
Speaker 1: So sometimes it literally is I'm stressed, my mind is taking over.
7:23
Speaker 1: I'm exhausted, like a lot of moms are like.
7:30
Speaker 2: I'm physically exhausted for a man you could be stressed out.
7:32
Speaker 2: Sexual fix that like it.
7:32
Speaker 2: For a lot of men, for a lot of men it's a cure, right, or especially, I know, in times when I'm stressed out, that's the times I really want to connect exactly, and we're opposite.
7:41
Speaker 1: Most women are opposite.
7:42
Speaker 2: Most women are how in the world do we make it?
7:45
Speaker 1: I know, I know right, this is the biggest test Exhausted from raising kids, I mean.
7:51
Speaker 1: A lot of men will be like, well, I go to work and have a laborious job all day and you just hang out with the kids all day.
7:56
Speaker 1: Exhaustion doesn't just come from physical labor, though.
7:59
Speaker 1: It can come from mental exhaustion like overthinking, over scheduling, and yeah, that can be a woman's fault.
8:07
Speaker 1: A lot of those things could be a woman's fault, but there are all sorts of types of exhaustion so we have to take that into accountability.
8:11
Speaker 1: Just because we're different or we're doing different things to our day doesn't mean our spouse hasn't been exhausted, right?
8:16
Speaker 2: well, we just did a podcast on making love in the morning because because of that reason because of that reason, getting exhausted, we're in the morning, you're fresh and we're going to.
8:25
Speaker 2: Right, we're going to test that out.
8:27
Speaker 2: We're going to test that theory.
8:29
Speaker 1: During summer it's very needed.
8:30
Speaker 1: When I say your mind is kind of a mess, it's because, yeah, some of it's self-inflicted.
8:37
Speaker 1: Like sometimes women are really good at over-scheduling, overdoing it, signing up for too many things, trying to work and run a home, and they don't dish out responsibilities enough around the house or they don't tell their husband, they just try to take it all on and they get upset.
8:51
Speaker 1: Or I mean there's lots of reasons, right, like some of it is self-inflicted, some of it's not.
8:57
Speaker 1: But we can do a better job of like.
8:59
Speaker 1: Okay, how do I calm my schedule down?
9:02
Speaker 1: How do I not sign up for as much to do?
9:04
Speaker 1: How do I make it so I'm not so exhausted at night?
9:06
Speaker 1: And that would be a solution for this.
9:08
Speaker 1: One is talking once again communication, but also self-reflecting.
9:13
Speaker 1: Like am I causing this?
9:14
Speaker 2: So so we did a poll a while back and we asked the question is sex a want or need in marriage?
9:20
Speaker 2: And I think 99% of both husbands and wives said it's a need.
9:25
Speaker 1: So it's a need, because if you don't have in, if you're not intimate in your marriage, then you're just another roommate situation.
9:32
Speaker 1: You're just friends, right?
9:35
Speaker 1: That's what keeps you lovers and not just room.
9:37
Speaker 2: So, as a low desire spouse, do you still feel that sexual intimacy is a need in marriage?
9:42
Speaker 2: Like do you?
9:44
Speaker 1: and that's the thing I think I think most women want to have an intimate marriage.
9:48
Speaker 1: I think most women want to have a higher libido.
9:50
Speaker 1: I think most women would love to feel like they're so in love with their husband that they would love to just go make love, like I think most women would love to have that desire.
9:59
Speaker 1: It's just our bodies.
10:01
Speaker 1: Our bodies and our minds don't really work like theirs.
10:04
Speaker 1: Like, if we're low on testosterone or our hormones are kind of whacked out or off balance, we don't have something in our body telling us that we need to be physical right.
10:15
Speaker 2: Yeah.
10:15
Speaker 1: We don't need that release but we do want that connection.
10:19
Speaker 1: I think I think most women that feel loved and taken care of and like they have that good, healthy masculine feminine balance in the marriage where they're just really compatible and really feel that love, I think most women really really desire to have a higher libido.
10:35
Speaker 1: just a few things need to be done to get there yeah, I think you're right right so in my situation I did get my my test done and my hormones came back normal, like my levels were pretty normal.
10:48
Speaker 1: I probably need to do it again, make sure it was accurate.
10:50
Speaker 1: But for me I can honestly say it's more mind.
10:55
Speaker 1: It's more mind Like my body works when I want it to, when I put my mind to it.
11:00
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of women get to a point where something's going on in the relationship where they don't really care to put their mind as super positive because something else is going on.
11:09
Speaker 2: Well, if your mind is truly your biggest sex organ, then what are you putting into your mind, right?
11:17
Speaker 1: Right.
11:17
Speaker 2: And I think that you hit a great point, because if it is your biggest sex organ and your attitude is like I hate sex, I don't want sex, and you keep telling yourself that you're never going to enjoy it, but if you're telling yourself, I really, I really want to enjoy sex, and you're open to trying to figure out, you know, or, or, like you said, even just mentally saying how do I get in a mentally good state of mind so that I can enjoy it or or crave it more, more.
11:45
Speaker 2: I think it's so important to recognize what are you feeding your mind with?
11:50
Speaker 2: Um, how do you feel about sex?
11:53
Speaker 2: Because that's really going to dictate, um, like I said, whether you even try to have the desire to be in the mood or not for sure, for sure.
12:02
Speaker 1: uh, the next thing I want to say to husband nick nick asked me, like what are the three things that you would want to say to a high drive husband if they had a low drive wife?
12:09
Speaker 1: My next thing would be, like, be patient with me.
12:12
Speaker 1: I'm trying, like literally, be patient with your wife.
12:16
Speaker 1: Like, like I just said, I think she probably wants to have a really good relationship.
12:21
Speaker 1: She probably wants to be wanting it she wants to be wanting it.
12:25
Speaker 1: I think deep down inside, because a lot of men are like women just don't want sex, they just don't care I think we deep down inside really do want to be intimate.
12:33
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a reason we watch chick flicks and romance comedies and stuff like that Like women are, they crave that romance and they crave that intimacy.
12:41
Speaker 1: We just can lose it easier.
12:44
Speaker 2: Just not with my husband.
12:46
Speaker 1: No, that's horrible.
12:47
Speaker 1: I, I'm joking, I'm totally joking.
12:48
Speaker 2: I'm totally joking.
12:49
Speaker 2: I'll edit that out.
12:50
Speaker 2: I was making a joke um not a joke so they want that with their husband.
12:55
Speaker 1: They just need to get that passion back in their marriage to want that, and that is going to look different to every relationship.
13:02
Speaker 1: Of course she wants to crave her husband.
13:04
Speaker 2: Of course she wants to well to have those feelings of I want to be intimate with you the reason why I made that joke is because you could see a lot of husbands being like yeah, she likes watching chick flicks and she likes this but she still doesn't want to make love.
13:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, why?
13:19
Speaker 2: why is she wanting those things but not me?
13:21
Speaker 2: And so?
13:22
Speaker 1: she probably does want you.
13:23
Speaker 1: I'm saying there's a barrier of some kind, like maybe you need to have the communication where, um, okay, maybe the household roles are not feeling equal to her and she's not wanting to do scorekeeping, but she's literally exhausted from feeling like she takes care of everybody.
13:39
Speaker 1: That's a real thing.
13:40
Speaker 1: I did that for years and there was a lot of resentment there, a lot, it's a real thing she might not feel as attracted to you.
13:48
Speaker 1: I mean, men say it.
13:49
Speaker 1: Why can't women say it?
13:50
Speaker 1: If you've let yourself go, it's the same thing.
13:52
Speaker 1: We're visual too.
13:52
Speaker 1: Like you can say it all day long that women aren't visual.
13:55
Speaker 1: Absolutely they are.
13:56
Speaker 1: They're just as visual as you are, Maybe not in the whole nakedness area.
14:03
Speaker 1: Like I don't know.
14:04
Speaker 1: Women are like I want to see that you know.
14:12
Speaker 1: Like I don't know when they're like I want to see that you know what I'm talking about.
14:14
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to see that top hat.
14:15
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
14:15
Speaker 1: Women are all for that.
14:16
Speaker 1: Take care of yourself.
14:16
Speaker 1: Um, hygiene, I've had a lot of women comment and and message us and be like my husband.
14:18
Speaker 1: Hygiene's awful, it grosses me out.
14:20
Speaker 2: That's not okay yeah that's not okay you're saying I need to shave, or that's not hygiene.
14:27
Speaker 1: That's a beard.
14:28
Speaker 1: There's a great um.
14:30
Speaker 1: Brush your teeth, take care of your body, shower, I mean.
14:34
Speaker 1: Those kind of things are like common sense, right, common sense, common sense, um, just, I could go on and on.
14:42
Speaker 1: There's probably a reason why she's not feeling romantically connected to you, and that's gonna take a deeper conversation.
14:48
Speaker 1: But this one was about I'm trying Please be patient with me.
14:52
Speaker 1: You know, hold on.
14:54
Speaker 1: You got to work as a team To figure out the hormones, to figure out the imbalance, to figure out why you're so off in your desires.
15:02
Speaker 1: Like it's gonna take time to get your hormones tested.
15:05
Speaker 1: You need to be patient with her.
15:07
Speaker 1: You need to be like okay, I realize that you've had kids.
15:09
Speaker 1: Like so many men are just like well, as soon as kids came, or drive just got just lost.
15:14
Speaker 2: That's what do you have any idea?
15:15
Speaker 1: what your body, your women, woman's body, just went through multiple times to have children, Like it does, it makes, it takes a big toll.
15:24
Speaker 1: It changes everything in our body.
15:31
Speaker 2: So I so I love that you hit on that because we did a podcast 258, why it's the Low Desire Spouses to Fix the I Don't Want or Like to have Sex Issue in the Marriage.
15:37
Speaker 1: I think that's an important episode.
15:39
Speaker 1: I added, or is it at the bottom of that?
15:41
Speaker 2: Oh, she did, I added, or is it?
15:44
Speaker 1: because sometimes it's not always their fault.
15:47
Speaker 2: No, and I'm not saying it's a fault, but I'm saying if you are a low desire spouse, I'll go listen to podcasts.
15:54
Speaker 2: But if you are a low desire spouse like, instead of just saying, ah, I don't want it too bad, Like you got to figure out why.
16:02
Speaker 2: Just like Amy said, if you have low testosterone or there's an imbalance or something like, why would you not want to find that out so that you can make your marriage an intimacy marriage?
16:11
Speaker 1: I can ask you.
16:12
Speaker 1: I can tell you why Because it's not affecting us.
16:15
Speaker 1: It's affecting your husband and that's where it leads us to the next one.
16:18
Speaker 1: It's like if it's important to your spouse, it should be important to you, and this goes both ways.
16:33
Speaker 1: If you're not feeling like being intimate, but your husband's craving that and needing that, you can't say it's not a need.
16:35
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
16:35
Speaker 1: It's a need to a man, absolutely.
16:36
Speaker 1: It should be a need to a woman.
16:35
Speaker 1: I wish our bodies were built like that.
16:36
Speaker 1: It'd be great if it was a need for us.
16:36
Speaker 1: The whole point is that's going to cause a lot of disconnect.
16:42
Speaker 2: Disconnect absolutely, it's going to cause a ton of disconnect.
16:45
Speaker 1: Is it the person's job, is it their problem to go fix it?
16:49
Speaker 1: No, it's both of your problems to go fix it.
16:51
Speaker 1: That's the whole thing.
16:52
Speaker 1: Like if, if the spouse is having a low libido, wants to have a high libido, come together as a team and be like, okay, I understand that your body's changed, let's be, I'm going to be patient with you.
17:03
Speaker 1: I want to help you.
17:04
Speaker 1: Let's go get something checked, like so so I get it.
17:07
Speaker 2: But a husband's.
17:08
Speaker 2: All the husbands out there, or the low desire, are thinking okay, be patient.
17:12
Speaker 2: What does that look like?
17:13
Speaker 2: Does that look like a week, a month, a year, 10 years, 15 years?
17:17
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you're not having sex.
17:19
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that your wife is just like hold on a few years, I'll get it back.
17:23
Speaker 1: That's, yeah, good point.
17:24
Speaker 1: Good point.
17:25
Speaker 1: Patient means like let's have this conversation, let's try to fix it.
17:30
Speaker 1: Be patient that I'm not initiating all the time.
17:32
Speaker 1: I think a wife should still prioritize being intimate and still figure out ways to enjoy it, even if her body isn't craving it all the time.
17:42
Speaker 1: In a good marriage it's loving and it's connecting, and most of the women that we pull agree.
17:47
Speaker 1: So when I say be patient with me, it's be patient that I don't initiate.
17:50
Speaker 1: Be patient that sometimes you have to remind me to initiate.
17:55
Speaker 1: Be patient that you know it's not going to be maybe that night, but maybe it could be the next night, like healthy rejection kind of stuff right Absolutely.
18:04
Speaker 1: Maybe be patient, that I don't want it every other night, but maybe I wanted a couple.
18:08
Speaker 1: I'm willing to get in the mood a couple nights a week, Like that's what I'm talking about when I talk about patience right, yeah, no.
18:13
Speaker 2: I think that's good to clarify, because yeah, I think a lot of lower despair spouses were like what is, what does that mean to me?
18:20
Speaker 1: and I think to be patient is more.
18:22
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is like a lot of husbands start getting angry over this, for sure anger.
18:27
Speaker 1: Anger is the first thing that's going to kill your wife's libido, like she does not want to make love with someone that's angry, like an angry husband is not a turn-on but okay, and I understand that you can get upset if you're denied.
18:38
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about rejection.
18:40
Speaker 1: I'm just talking about don't throw a tantrum if she doesn't want it that night and she wants to wait a night, or if she's not in a mood and it takes her an hour to get in the mood or I'm talking about getting upset because it doesn't work exactly how you want it.
18:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, does that make sense?
18:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say I was going to say it's normal for a husband that has a strong sex drive to get rejected time after time, to get frustrated and upset.
19:04
Speaker 1: He's going to get frustrated.
19:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's going to take that personally.
19:07
Speaker 1: Okay, but there's a difference between getting frustrated and wanting to talk about and trying to resolve it, versus getting angry about it.
19:15
Speaker 1: Oh for sure, agreed, because if you got angry that I rejected you.
19:18
Speaker 1: I would be like we're done, like that would turn me off so fast.
19:20
Speaker 1: I'd be like I don't even want to know.
19:21
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I want to do it this week Because the fact that you literally just got angry about it Like because anger from a man or a wife, yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:32
Speaker 2: It's not a pretty thing question that everyone's wondering.
19:35
Speaker 2: Okay, so, like I said, I'm a high desire, you're a lotus fire desire.
19:40
Speaker 2: We make it work and it works great.
19:42
Speaker 2: Why does it work great?
19:44
Speaker 1: because I prioritize it, because I realize it's important and I've learned how to enjoy it.
19:48
Speaker 1: Because I've learned how to enjoy it, it's not because my body is like go be intimate.
19:54
Speaker 1: You really want to be intimate.
19:55
Speaker 1: Oh, you totally just desire being intimate right now.
19:57
Speaker 1: My, my body does not tell me that.
19:58
Speaker 1: I've had to learn what feels good.
20:01
Speaker 1: I've had to express it to Nick what feels good.
20:12
Speaker 2: And we've had to implement a few toys or a few things into our marriage to help me learn what I love so that I can enjoy it all the time.
20:17
Speaker 2: I think you hit on a key that a lot of husbands or a lot of desired spouses are probably wanting to know.
20:21
Speaker 2: A lot of husbands or low desire spouses are probably wanting to know which is amy doesn't have.
20:24
Speaker 2: She's not gonna have the spontaneous desire to be like oh, let's go in the bedroom babe yeah, but and most women don't and most women don't.
20:29
Speaker 2: but she recognizes now that if hey, I know I'll get in the mood and I know I can get in the mood quickly and I know that this can really help make it enjoyable.
20:38
Speaker 2: And once I get in the mood, it'll be enjoyable, right.
20:41
Speaker 2: So her mind is open to it, to it right.
20:44
Speaker 2: Even though she's not, even though she's not like pulling me in the bedroom, she knows that her mind's open to it and that she's going to enjoy it Because again we found something that works for us as far as like pleasure.
20:56
Speaker 1: But, and the men that are listening to you right now are thinking how do I get my wife to?
21:00
Speaker 1: Have a positive mindset like that Right my wife doesn't feel like that.
21:04
Speaker 1: My wife doesn't have a positive mindset about that.
21:06
Speaker 1: That leads me to the next thing I want to say to the husbands.
21:09
Speaker 1: This is what a lot of wives are thinking that maybe just don't want to express it to you, and it's I need more romantic connection.
21:15
Speaker 1: I need more romantic connection.
21:17
Speaker 1: I need more emotional connection.
21:19
Speaker 1: Or I'm just flat out bored and I'm not talking bored in the bedroom, I'm talking boredom is a real thing for everyone, right it.
21:28
Speaker 1: It can be outside the bedroom, it could be on date night, it can be.
21:31
Speaker 1: I'm bored with the same life in general the same routine every day, taking care of everybody around this house, and I'm just bored with that.
21:39
Speaker 1: Like that's a real thing too, especially like at our age, like midlife crisis kind of age, right well, okay and this is important because, like, if you really want your wife to get there mentally where she, like you, want her to crave, that you gotta kind of realize that you have to be the leader and you have to kind of be the same guy you were when you were dating.
21:59
Speaker 1: If you want her to be the same, you have to be the same first.
22:03
Speaker 2: I just fully believe that yeah, and most husbands agree it's good advice, good advice do you agree?
22:09
Speaker 1: so boredom outside the bedroom was to be like maybe you could plan a fun date night for this week and maybe you could do something spontaneous or take her on an overnighter and get her away from her daily tasks.
22:19
Speaker 2: I was going to ask like so I know for men like when we go on overnighters or do something different, like we are just like it's.
22:27
Speaker 2: We love being intimate, right, most men are like oh they take their wife on an overnighter they just want to have sex.
22:34
Speaker 2: They, they want to have sex.
22:36
Speaker 2: Yes, does that work for a little bit of wife, like when we go somewhere new, somewhere exciting, when we were on vacation.
22:42
Speaker 2: Does that put you in the mood to I?
22:45
Speaker 1: think it depends on the situation.
22:47
Speaker 1: I think it still depends on is he doing this just to get sex or is he doing this because he literally wants to go spend time, go do something fun with me?
22:54
Speaker 1: If you're just taking her to a hotel, to a bedroom, she's going to know, to the hotel hotel room she's gonna know exactly what the motive is.
23:00
Speaker 1: I know, but the whole point of this conversation was like go do something fun.
23:03
Speaker 1: Go take her to an awesome.
23:05
Speaker 1: Go go plan a picnic, go take her on an amazing hike, if that's what she like.
23:09
Speaker 1: Go do something that she would enjoy and show her that you're thinking about her and not yourself.
23:13
Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking about when, like, I need more emotional connection or romantic fun.
23:18
Speaker 1: Go do something in your life that she wants to do, not just because you want something.
23:23
Speaker 1: And I think I think a lot of men miss that and they're like oh, here's some flowers or here this.
23:28
Speaker 1: Like think deeper, think like what is going to be really meaningful to her.
23:34
Speaker 1: That's going to make her feel super emotionally connected.
23:36
Speaker 1: What were things that we did when we were dating that we don't do at all anymore?
23:39
Speaker 1: Like how do I bring that back, that spark back into our relationship?
23:43
Speaker 2: so this is, this is gold, right?
23:45
Speaker 2: This is a really good podcast because, again, you are a low desire spouse, I'm high desire spouse.
23:51
Speaker 2: We make it work and I think it works we make it work, and I think it works good.
23:56
Speaker 2: But I think it's important and I because there's a lot of other low desire spouses and high desire spouses that need to hear what you're saying so that they can make it work as well.
24:09
Speaker 1: And it takes a lot of conversation and sometimes there has been rejection and sometimes there has been resentment in this area.
24:17
Speaker 1: A lot of couples this is a really hard topic that I don't want to bring it up again because she just gets upset about it.
24:23
Speaker 1: Like if your spouse is getting upset about something, there's probably a deeper reason and needs to be talked about even more.
24:29
Speaker 1: Like you can't be in a good marriage that you want to be more intimate and then just sweep stuff under the rug and think it's going to get better.
24:37
Speaker 1: It doesn't work like that right.
24:38
Speaker 1: Like we've had these talks and these imbalances in our marriage a ton of different times and we have to be like, okay, what's the real reason?
24:45
Speaker 1: Okay, why don't you enjoy being intimate?
24:47
Speaker 1: I mean, that day I said you know what it feels good for you for 30 full minutes and it feels good for me for 30 seconds.
24:53
Speaker 1: That's just not really worth the effort.
24:55
Speaker 1: That's how honest you have to get.
24:57
Speaker 1: And he's like, oh my gosh, that makes sense.
24:58
Speaker 1: Now, how do we fix that?
25:00
Speaker 2: and we figured out a solution, right yeah we figured out a solution and and thank you for saying 30 minutes.
25:07
Speaker 1: That's very, it's a very long time but the whole point is is like if, if something's causing a barrier in your marriage, you have to break that barrier down.
25:16
Speaker 1: You can't be like, well, we'll just let it keep building higher yeah let's ignore it, because she's going to get mad if I bring it up, or he's going to get mad if I bring it up, like if it's a problem and you both want a passionate, intimate marriage.
25:27
Speaker 1: You have to fix that problem.
25:28
Speaker 2: And why do we always talk about sex?
25:30
Speaker 2: Because it's a big problem for a lot of people, because it's a big problem and it's so important right, there's a lot of things I think your marriage could survive without.
25:40
Speaker 2: Sex is not one of those things for one, for one person.
25:44
Speaker 1: It's not going to be.
25:45
Speaker 1: It's not going to be okay but I, I would.
25:47
Speaker 2: I would bet, and I could be wrong, and I know I don't want to try it.
25:51
Speaker 2: No, I don't want to test it, but I would bet if, if I had desire, you would crave sexual intimacy, probably Because we always talk about how, if you're not getting something or your spouse doesn't desire something, then all of a sudden you're like well, why are they?
26:10
Speaker 1: Why don't they want me anymore?
26:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, why don't they want me?
26:12
Speaker 1: Yeah.
26:13
Speaker 2: So we've seen that before.
26:16
Speaker 1: So again, I don't want to test that theory.
26:18
Speaker 2: I have no desire to test that theory.
26:18
Speaker 2: I have no desire to test that theory.
26:19
Speaker 2: We'll just pretend that's the theory.
26:21
Speaker 1: But we hear from a lot of high drive wives where the husband's always rejecting the wife.
26:27
Speaker 2: It's devastating for them.
26:28
Speaker 1: It's devastating for them because they're missing that.
26:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're missing the sexual intimacy.
26:33
Speaker 1: So you can't say no wife wants to be sexual, because there's plenty of high drive wives that are like I would crave to have that, but they're missing the emotional intimacy.
26:42
Speaker 1: Also, you know, and a lot of husbands that are the higher drive, they're given all the emotional they possibly can because they want to be intimate where the high drive wife is missing everything, like there's just a super big barrier there.
26:54
Speaker 1: So it's just important.
26:56
Speaker 1: Those are the four things that I came up with.
26:59
Speaker 1: But if your wife is a low drive spouse, I would do exactly what Nick said and said what do you want me to know about this?
27:05
Speaker 1: Like, how do you feel about this?
27:06
Speaker 1: Like this is how it's affecting me.
27:08
Speaker 1: How is it affecting you?
27:09
Speaker 1: I know you.
27:10
Speaker 1: I know you want a passionate marriage, because it was passionate when we first got married.
27:13
Speaker 1: What happened?
27:14
Speaker 1: What's?
27:15
Speaker 2: going on with your body?
27:16
Speaker 2: What's going on with your mind?
27:16
Speaker 2: How?
27:17
Speaker 1: can's going on with your mind.
27:18
Speaker 1: How can I help you?
27:19
Speaker 1: It's not just about me.
27:20
Speaker 1: It's about I want our relationship to not just be another roommate relationship.
27:24
Speaker 1: I know you want us to be passionate too.
27:26
Speaker 2: How do we get there?
27:27
Speaker 2: And that's the thing is, I can't hit on enough.
27:31
Speaker 2: Sex is not just about one person, the higher desire spouses needs.
27:36
Speaker 2: Sex is truly between a couple.
27:39
Speaker 2: It's something that both of them need, so to speak, whether realize it or not.
27:46
Speaker 2: But like sex can't just be done with one person, the high desire spouse.
27:51
Speaker 2: Not in a loving marriage, it's so important this is such an important topic, such an important subject, such an important thing to find a balance, a good balance, in your relationship.
28:01
Speaker 2: I mean it's sad to see how many marriages that are in sexless, marriages that otherwise could have phenomenal relationships and get along great and be happy.
28:11
Speaker 2: But because this one important thing is not prioritized or not important to the low desire spouse, you see marriages fall apart.
28:20
Speaker 2: It's a really sad thing For sure.
28:24
Speaker 2: So many marriages fall apart over this one thing a lack of sexual intimacy, Anything else to add Nope.
28:34
Speaker 2: Any other gold to add Nope, all right.
28:37
Speaker 2: Well, you heard it.
28:39
Speaker 2: You heard from a low-desire spouse.
28:40
Speaker 2: Hopefully this can be a beneficial podcast episode.
28:43
Speaker 2: Go and have those conversations with your spouse.
28:47
Speaker 2: Talk about sex.
28:48
Speaker 2: If you have a hard time talking about sex, go to the app.
28:51
Speaker 2: Get the conversation starters or the intimate conversation starters.
28:55
Speaker 2: Start having these conversations.
28:57
Speaker 2: It's the only way that your sex life, your relationship, your connection is going to get better.
29:02
Speaker 2: So if you have any questions on any of the products or anything that we have in our shop, feel free to message us.
29:10
Speaker 2: We're here to help.
29:10
Speaker 2: We truly have some amazing products that really can transform your sexual intimacy.
29:17
Speaker 2: So just like they have ours, right.
29:20
Speaker 2: So let us know.
29:22
Speaker 2: If you have any questions, we're here to answer them, and until next time,