Latest / Voices for Voices® / How I Rebuilt My Family After Getting Sober| Episode 121

Transcript

How I Rebuilt My Family After Getting Sober| Episode 121 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Voices for Voices is the number one ranked podcast where people turn to for expert mental health recovery and career advancement.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Intelligence recovery and career advancement intelligence.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Our Voices for Voices podcast is all about teaching you insanely actionable techniques to help you prosper, grow yourself, your self-worth and your personal brand.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: So if you're a high achiever or someone who wants more out of life, whether mentally, physically or spiritually, make sure you subscribe to our podcast right now, which is episodes that focus on case studies, real life, actionable tips and in-the-trenches reports and interviews from subscribers like you.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: If that sounds like something that could help you grow personally or professionally or someone you know, then make sure to join me by subscribing or having your friend, family member or colleague subscribe as well.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: So, first and foremost, happy 2024.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: We've made it another year.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I'm another year older, so 42 years old.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: We're going to talk about some family and organization topics and information on this particular podcast, because I feel it's important for you the viewers, the audience, the listeners to learn more about me and the organization, so it will help you be able to really take to heart.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: When you see the content that we put out, I feel like you know me, you know Voices for Voices because you do, and so personally I mentioned this at our 2024 or 2023 gala that a lot of obstacles, that a lot of obstacles family-wise, had come around.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: In July, my dad, he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and so that really took me and my family, everybody in my family and friends, friends really took us by surprise, came out of nowhere, went and got all of his checks over the years and so it was very surprising.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: So last year in July, once that diagnosis was made, got a couple different opinions.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Then the idea and the thought was to start chemotherapy.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: So he did that for the six rounds that he was scheduled for, had some infections in and out of the hospital, and now actually today we're filming this earlier this morning he just started immunotherapy.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: So instead of it being the chemo three days a week every three weeks, this is one day a week every three weeks.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: This is one day a week and it's a half hour, and so us as a family, we're really just taking things day by day, myself trying to be there at the hospital for his treatments, for his doctor's appointments, be there at the hospital for his treatments, for his doctor's appointments, and really try to do something.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: That I talk about a lot is just to try to be present and not to take the front seat and have to lead everything the decisions to get treatment, to not get treatment, to be admitted to the hospital, to not to get different types of therapies, occupational physical therapy, have those be up to my dad, and so really just trying to be there for kind of moral support as well.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: As you know, it's my dad, so we'll.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: We'll see how 2024 goes, but you know, by being diagnosed in late July in 2023, we were able to you to spend my dad's birthday, my parents' anniversary, my birthday, Christmas Day, my daughter's birthday I don't know if I said my dad's birthday, but we were able to spend a lot of holidays together that we really weren't sure if we would be able to do that, because when we were told it was stage four cancer and it was a rare form, fast spreading, given a prognosis of somewhere on the short end of the spectrum, like six to eight months, up to a year, months up to a year, and so we're kind of going more towards that year, and so we're just trying to take every day the way we can, just one day at a time.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: And so what?
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I would have had a big birthday party and there would be a lot of alcohol involved and partying that way, but through, I guess, my maturity sobriety trying to make up for lost time with my family of so many years of kind of just putting them on the back burner that with what's going on with my dad, I wanted to spend that time together as a family.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: So we drove down from the Stowe area to where my parents live in North Canton and we celebrated the holidays there.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: My dad's not able to at this point walk very well, so he's not able to drive, and so basically the two ways that we could have did that was to drive down and pick them up and drive back up and then back and forth, or to have those events at their house.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: So I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, given where we're at, to be able to spend that time together.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: And then my daughter she had her first I guess it was her second ballet recital up here closer to the Stowe area in Hudson, and my dad wanted to come.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: So drove down that day and drove my mom and dad up and he was able to.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: My mom was able to see my daughter's ballet recital and it was only maybe like five or ten minutes, so it was perfect timing to have him not have to be around large groups because he hasn't been aside from the hospital and the waiting rooms hasn't been around a ton of people.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: So those things kind of personally are going on and I feel it's important as a leader in an organization to share that with the followers, the listeners, the subscribers, the sponsors donating to organizations, and to know that I'm human and going through human things as well.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Having the mental side of things personally for me, of having a therapist and a psychiatrist a psychiatrist prescribing the medications typically and then the therapist just talking through what's happening, different thoughts that are going on, and so those I've kept up since 2017 in November.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: So continuing that, continue to keep those up.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: My in 2023, my psychiatrist he retired, my therapist he retired, and so here I am in 2024.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Luckily, I was able to make so far pretty smooth transition for both the prescribing and seeing where we're at medication wise, and then the therapy and the talking part.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: So not only you know, the people change on that and you know, I guess I'm a little bit of a creature of habit, so I was, you know, used to seeing the same people and they were used to seeing me and having the notes on me and understanding me kind of from.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I guess you know the inception of this whole mental health journey for me.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: But having some medication changes not only medication from like one to two, meaning like name one and name two, so like two different types of medication there were a couple of those as well as dosage changes, and so all that happening behind the scenes, as a human being, I'm working with a new team and then I'm working with new medications at certain levels at different times.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Some started to change around the time I got the news about my dad, because my mental health was dragging a little bit, and so there was just a lot of those changes.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: So those things happen to me, just as they happen to you and others, and I think that's just important to know whether it's medication or whether it's a psychiatrist or therapist or whether it's just a family doctor or the minute clinic.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: You know that.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: You know I'm going through a lot of these things.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: You know we, we see a lot of our voices for voices and my personal social media posts and everything looks so grand and everything is going great, and so, by me sharing this information, hopefully this will just bring some perspective of that there is, you know, human behind of what's going on.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Along with our Voices for Voices board that is helping guide decision making, not only in 2023, but, coming here now that we're in 2024, we have some exciting things that we're hoping to be able to kick off and start new and really continue to plant those roots of Voices for Voices in the Summit County, northeast Ohio area.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: In the Summit County, northeast Ohio area.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: So, with my father's different appointment times, he gets his electrolytes, his hydration that helps him through the treatment so far, as well as just my schedule of what's going on.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: For me, that by itself is hard to do, and so I have to get back to where I needed to be, whereas I've kind of fallen off the cliff a little bit Not the cliff, I've just fallen off the seat a little bit, where I was putting everything in a calendar and then I was always able to refer back to it, and that slipped probably the last few months, which had been the busiest months, and so now I'm kind of getting back on the, you know, back on the horse and and knowing that I need to, I need to start getting back to that because that's the only way I'm going to be able to keep things straight, just because there's so many different, different appointments and different things for for teaching, for for for us here, you know filming this episode so to bring to you and I said, my father and my daughter she's in ballet and gymnastics and, you know, teaching with the classes and again I'm working through a lot of the same things that you are.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to share that and that may seem like a menial task, but really what I've found, now that I'm kind of getting back into that routine of putting everything in the calendar, is it's taking stress off of my mind because instead of me trying to remember everything and given different situations being in the hospital and then the afternoon being in the studio or all these different events are happening.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: So by taking the information kind of out of my mind as far as dates and times and topics and what's actually happening, it's again just freeing up a little bit of my mind and that's helpful.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: So maybe that's something that has helped you, but that's something that has helped me.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I wish I wouldn't kind of go away from that strategy at times, but for me that's how life's been, but we're bringing it back together together.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: So, relationship wise, personally I've been married at our six year anniversary and just so happens that it's been six years, kind of, for my sobriety away from, you know, substances and alcohol and all that.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: So it's not.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Sometimes sobriety gets looked at as like oh big deal, anybody can do it, or I don't know.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: I can only think and assume which I shouldn't be assuming what anybody is thinking.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: But what I do know is it's not hard or it's not easy that there's times where I feel like, ah, over the holidays I can just have a drink or two and it's not a big deal.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: And so really just having that kind of having those boundaries, of saying like, no, that I'm better off by not using the substances or, you know, the alcohol than doing it, because that's just something that I've learned over the course of these past few years.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: And so find something maybe for you that is helping you.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's the planner, maybe getting a planner and putting those plans into the calendar.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Maybe that is freeing to you.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not here to tell anybody that they have to stop drinking wine or drinking alcohol or what have you.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just speaking for me, for my experience and where I'm at personally.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: Two things that I think would be helpful to share about me individually.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Is I spend so much time, more time than I should, watching the news or what have you, and it's not.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: The news typically usually isn't always the best, so I'm feeding my mind a lot of just very polarizing events and things like that.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: And so I found two things that if I do, or at least try to aim on doing each day, that it helps bring a little bit of clarity to my mind and it brings a little bit more of that positiveness versus the polarizing content.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: So what I mean by that is so let's say, 100% of our time is spent on polarizing content.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: So up and down, just like a yo-yo, let's say you take 1% of that time and add in three things that you're grateful for each day and write it down or maybe just think about that in your head.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Well, that's 2% of time, or whatever that percent is.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: That's not thinking about those polarizing topics, which in turn lowers stress even by just that small amount.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: And then the second one that I learned is it's called affirmations, and so how it looks for me is I have two pages.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I ended up typing it up it's just easier because the ink was starting to smudge, and they're basically just kind of words and thoughts that you recite to yourself I am grateful, I am enough, and you kind of get the idea.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: And so, again, whatever amount of time that I'm spending doing that and putting that information in that positiveness, is going to create less stress than having that time before, that whole amount of time, the whole memory of my mind and brain being always on that polarizing content.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: So maybe that's something that might work for you.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: Maybe you do one thing you're grateful for each day, maybe you do it two or three days a week or whatever that timing is.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Have it be what it is for you.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: It's helpful to just pick and choose what's working for you, not having to be something that somebody else is doing 100%, or maybe you find other things, but those are things that are helpful to me, so they may be helpful to you.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: For our new 2024 show that is on our Facebook page.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: It's going to be every other Friday and we're calling it the Bi-Weekly Roundup, and so we're going to talk about a lot of the same topics that we talk about here with our TV show and podcast, but we're going to be maybe a little bit more adaptive to what's going on this week or this day or the last couple days, and so we're going to have conversations.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I know for our first one tomorrow that we're going to have, we're going to have a discussion just around the sex trafficking that's going on everywhere here in the United States, here locally in the area, and just want to make sure that that topic just gets talked about.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: And the reason that's a current event, uh, you know, jeffrey epstein had the whole story with him.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: This list was was released, uh, and so that's kind of what's spurring it on, and so we just want to, we just want to bring it to the forefront that you know somebody that may may be joining us, maybe in law enforcement, or or maybe somebody that may be joining us, maybe in law enforcement, or maybe somebody that can help enact change and may put some more resources towards it Ashley Collins.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: She runs AVO Behavioral Health in Canton.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: We had her on one of our early episodes before we moved to the TV studio, but her sister they basically disappeared 10 years ago.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: It might even be longer than 10 years, and they have the FBI, federal agencies, they've all looked and so she's missing.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: And so the thought is that she hasn't called, hasn't come home, hasn't written.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: She had some substance problems, you know.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: She hasn't come up, you know, I guess, in the morgue, you know, as far as you know, passing away, and so that's right here.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: You know, canton, ohio, that that you know, that we've, that, we're, we've had this personal connection, the organization, and then Angel Day we had her on our show last year who, for a period of time, was caught up a little bit in that.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: So those are the types of things, types of topics, types of conversations that we're going to have.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: It's going to be interactive, so you'll be able to add your thoughts, your comments, and we're going to give that a shot for 2024.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: So that's going to be biweekly.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: So just want to check the Voices for Voices Facebook page to find when those are going to be held, and we're going to hold those at 10.30 am Eastern Time, when we hold them on the Fridays.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Again, donations you can find the link to donate to Voices for Voices in the description for this episode.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: There's a link.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: So, again, we are 501c3.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Just like many cars and trucks, they run on fuel gasoline.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Our organization runs on donations and sponsorships, so if you could help us out, every penny helps.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: We are in our third season.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I never thought we'd be here in season three, but we are at well over 100 episodes, and so we're grateful to be where we're at, to have Hudson Community Television to be able to come in with the professional staff, professional equipment, everything's just been so awesome, and so, again, that's something that I'm definitely grateful for.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: And so, again, season three.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: And then, coming up in October, we're going to be having our now I say our 2024 our fourth annual uh voices for voices, a brand new day gala, the date, location to be coming soon.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: So be on, be on the the lookout for that, because we're going to get that out here in the next month or two so we're able to again start the planning process.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: And if you missed any of the previous galas, go to our Voices for Voices YouTube page and you can find all three, the three we've had with our most recent.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: You can check that out in 4K.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: So how awesome is that?
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: So a lot of things going on here.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Voices for Voices covered a ton Personal as well as some organizational thoughts, topics that have been on our minds.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Some areas again're just taking day by day.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: So until next time we're going to close this episode, and so until next time, please be a voice for you or somebody in need and keep subscribing, keep sharing.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: It helps us immensely, and thank you for all the love and support that you've given us in the past and continue to give us.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: So again, I'm Justin Allen Hayes, founder and director of Voices for Voices.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Please be a voice for you or somebody in need.