Latest / Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck / Still Kicking: Walking Through 2020 with Clarity, Courage & Peace | Live Recording

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Still Kicking: Walking Through 2020 with Clarity, Courage & Peace | Live Recording · Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody till Alex has a slide show to your page.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, everybody.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Still Kicking.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Kay Ak, and this is Lisa Trunken Boltz.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, everybody.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And we're at the Cobb and Diem coffee shop.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: We have a small but mighty group with us here today.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really excited to be here with you to talk about walking through 2020 with clarity, courage, and peace.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're gonna talk about today.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So let us know if you're that you're with us and that you can hear us.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And Alex will let me know.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: I like that walking through peace.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, calling that in there.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let me scratch up just a little bit.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: You see us, Alex?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome everybody.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome on Facebook Live.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome everybody in the house.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want to first send a shout out to local photographer Ben Rennenbach because he bought everybody here a coffee.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Ben.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Ben, thanks.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so hope everybody's doing well on this beautiful night.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've got Lisa in the house.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Lisa was probably one of the first guests that we had on Alive and Kicking, but as we said before, we taped that interview in January or February.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So this year.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Was it this year?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, this year.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the calendar has no meaning.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Not anymore.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to invite you to ask questions.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Alex will be kind of fielding the questions for us so we can um, I should put this on my lap so I can see it.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so we can answer your questions.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can make comments, and we'd love to hear what how you're walking through 2020.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because this is meant to be supportive for all of us, because truthfully, it's um, you know, I don't have any answers for people.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Lisa doesn't have any answers for people, but we're definitely here to support each other on the journey, and hopefully, some of the things that have worked for me may work for you.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the things that worked for Lisa hopefully will work for me, and so we can, you know, kind of support each other.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to, and if you're just joining us again, my name is Kay Eck, and this is Lisa Trunkenbolt, and we're here for uh Still Kicking.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to start out, you know, when we talked about um your path back in January before March, um, you were telling me that you were working on some things on your path, things like people pleasing and um saying using your intuition and um kind of saying yes to the next thing that was up for you.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's like all well and good, but it seems like now we're on like this incredibly fast-paced thing where it's not so leisurely anymore, like kind of everything is hitting us at once.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to hear from you about what your path is like now.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm calling the Ides of since the Ides of March, which I had to look up Ides of March.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um I don't know, it just like popped into my mind, and I was like, Ides of March.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I looked it up, and it's actually the full moon, it's technically the full moon, the day before the full moon of every month.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But but March in particular gained a lot of significance because Julius Caesar was assassinated on that day, and now they it's like kind of like a division between like the old and the new.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just think it's so profound that really kind of all of this hit right be right before, during, after the new moon of March 2020.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm calling it the Ice of March.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us how your journey's been unfolding since the Ides of March.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, when we discussed um potentially doing this and revisiting, um, you know, just the idea of of um picking up where you left off in someone's story, right?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody loves the before and after stories of of how it was, the challenge, and then of course how it became.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: But March just it just changed the whole game of living as a human being entirely.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: And um some of the smaller things, and it didn't feel so small in January, it was talking about people pleasing and figuring out how to um just make the small adjustments in my life uh for to to kind of remove the ego and and live a bit more more holy, you know, bit way more in line.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the gift of this year was that not much other than what is necessary, what is beautiful, and what what is holy was just wiped off, it was just completely wiped off.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, not only that, it feels it feels very much to me and to so many people um like there is a vibration, a wisdom available to us now, to me now, that was not before.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so it it's kind of rendered a lot of a lot of the struggles moot, you know.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I have no desire to people please at this point at all, to the point where I um I think I need to practice a bit more kindness and maybe not kindness, but mindfulness and how I am interacting with people because this year has really just funneled everything down to what is important, you know, what is the soul work, because that's all it ever is.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: So people pleasing.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um God, it's like what does that really look like?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And and to be honest, it's completely transformed to the refined um version, I suppose, of people pleasing, the altruistic version of that, which is whatever is not of maximum service to my to others, just holds no meaning to me at this point.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, oh my gosh, that's really potent for me too, because I um one of the things, I mean, this is such a minor thing, but it was sort of emblematic of what was going on on a deeper level.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, this idea of like especially looking a certain way, like in my house, in my jeans, wasn't a lot of people around to please.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I just never I so I would go everywhere with just I wouldn't even run a comb through my hair.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I would brush my teeth if I was being kind to others, but I um not always, I'll admit it.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I just uh and that that has persisted, you know.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: I like put a little stuff on for the camera, but generally I just don't care at all anymore.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's and I'll and also it's like I'm not even conscious of it anymore.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's just and I'm not seeing people in that way anymore.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm seeing people on a deeper level, you know.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, because you know, because I know that it's been hard for everyone, but there's not a single person on the planet who has not been challenged by the same issue, which is which is monumental, but it's also really beautiful, you know, really beautiful that we're so connected by one experience.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: I you know, I oftentimes ask myself, how am I showing up for this?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and what purpose does, you know, the the facade, which is not a facade, that's that's not the right word, but the appearance.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: How what purpose is that?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And um we uh me and Diana had a really great conversation one time about dressing up the avatar and how that can be fun, and that's really well and beautiful.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm reflecting back on my life and realizing I'm not I don't want to bring with the the practice of diluting um an experience with someone, the soul work that can be done in any given moment by worrying about how do I look?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like what does my face look like, or what does my hair look like?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, clearly I solved that issue.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: But um, and through that, you're right, just the amount of beauty that I'm witnessing in other people wouldn't have would have just right over my head because I'm too concerned about well, what do I look like?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: What do I sound like, what am I giving, or what's their shoes, you know, where they get their shoes or something, and every interaction at this point is just rife with with soul work.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's so true.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I I can't I can't even really wear glasses anymore.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's like there can't be anything between me and who I'm you know engaged with.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, that's been one of the the beautiful things.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I I I'm wondering, you know, I think one of the advantages that we have, having been on this spiritual path for many years, is that I've spent probably 10, 15, 20 years working through all my personal issues and taking off all the masks and you know, kind of dealing with the boxes that I had put myself in.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the box removing myself from the from the conditioning that my family had had placed on me.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: But um, and so I've gotten much of that work done, and so now I'm stepping into observing the um you know the collective conditioning, the collective suffering, all the things that are coming to light, the human trafficking and the dark agendas.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: But for a lot of people, they're dealing with both at the same time because they're experiencing the rapid awakening.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I just you know that's part of the reason why I wanted to be here, because that's just like that's it honestly, it's too much, you know.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: So bring it on, yeah.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's yeah, because because you've been through so much and that you've you've like built up your muscles.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, your story is like full of trauma and tragedy and difficulty and challenge, and so you're like, you know, you're strong.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you have to say to people who you know maybe don't have their their muscles quite ready for this?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what stuck out was the rapid awakening, you know.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um gosh.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it it is really intense, you know, and this is a great opportunity.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I really feel it's it is an opportunity, it's a universal opportunity for us all to ascend.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, whatever you subscribe to as to why we're all suffering the way that we do, you know, um I don't think it's just random or accidental, or or I I actually believe that there is a purpose behind it.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, whatever that is, I haven't fully explored that.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: But um how coincidental that we were we are all so separated.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: We are all put in our homes and afraid to be near one another.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: And and um, you know, I don't want to turn anyone off with this type of talk, you know.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: We're we're it's so it's amazing.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure how it unfolded this way, but once you start saying something like we need to be near one another, it triggers this response in people like, well, you clearly want to spread a you know, a disease or whatever.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: I know I'm getting I'm I'm skirting on the dangerous points here, you know, I know I am.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: But um this year really was a very potent awakening, and we would have benefited very much by simply being in one another's aura um or or or energy or being able to talk about it, you know.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: And unfortunately, what we've done on on top of our traumas is created this brand new web of collective trauma.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: And back in January, when I was talking to you, my answer probably would have been way different from a friend, you know, something like that.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: But um now it seems much bigger, it really does, and not only that, many veils have been removed for me, and I understand um, I understand the magnitude of the soul work at this point, yeah, and how uneffective, how far removed we become from our soul work, from that intuitive sense, from our God source um connection when we're dealing with trauma, insecurity, fear, you know, like gosh, you know, food, you know, people are worried about food and things.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's a thing.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I I just kind of want to, if you're just joining us, welcome.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Kay Eck, and this is Lisa Trunkenbolts, and we're talking, we're still kicking, we're still talking, so that's good.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I just want to, and again, thank you to everybody who's here in person.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just want to say that you know, this idea that we we need to be like in physical connection with each other, I I do agree with that, but we also um I think it's important to um say that we have the ability to connect on a spiritual level, on an energetic level, and that that can be as fortifying as the physical connection.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: In case you know, there you you you feel that you need to stay separate or that members of your family are um away from you and you can't be with them, there's um there's a lot that you can do, and I don't want people to lose hope if you know we go through another, you know, sort of separation.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the separation is just like it's an illusion, it's it's kind of like a it's a forced illusion where we we think we're separate, but we're really not.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for filling in those blanks.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: All of that, too.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's you know, I I definitely believe that, and um it's true, just the intentions, how we select our thoughts and um what we're doing with that, it has a very collective impact for sure.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: But um, I guess more to closely answer your question about how to deal with trauma now.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um for me, it was a lot of prayer, just constant connection with with the creator, always.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I was given very rudimentary tips on how to do that early on, you know, when I started healing from my own physical and mental, like the gross of the of the trauma and the disconnect.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, in AA, it's called sponsor, and she's so lovely.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, she's she really helped me.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: And her name was I'm not supposed to say the name.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: Anonymous.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like your TM mantra where you have to keep it secret.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's true, yeah.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: The mantra, yeah.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it was just every day, that's the first thing you do, and that's the number one rule every day.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: The first thing you do in the morning, you open your eyes, or maybe your eyes aren't even open, and you just you know take a few moments of communion with the creator and ask for guidance that day.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: And girl, it always works.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you're if you're listening, right?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's like the the like even more important than the asking, but the asking, of course, is very important, but it's the listening for the response, and it may come in the most unlikely of ways from the most unlikely of people, you know.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, if you know anything about me, any of my friends who know about about me, um, my most productive hours are between 9 p.m.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: and 3 a.m.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: in the morning, and I'm just a bad yogi when it comes to the early to rise thing.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so oftentimes when I wake up, um, my mind is so foggy.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in this, it takes me like an hour or two just to feel my day, but waking up with that faith and just having that prayer and sending it out and being and being in trust.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like faith and trust is yeah, number one.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I've been wanting to um tell people that because I have like a complicated relationship with with source, God, I've used like all the words because I grew up in a traditional Catholic family, I went to Catholic school, and um, so I had to kind of like take a left turn, and it took me a long time to like come back and even really talk about the word God, and I I want to just mention that this you don't have to have a belief in anything in order to feel supported by the energy right now, like it you're not even going to be able to avoid it, it's gonna sweep you up in certain moments, and I just encourage people to like really sit in those moments if a a wave of bliss or lightness or sunshine washes over you to really take it in and know that it's like just for you, it's just for you.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that wild?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so and dealing with uh you know self-worth and things like that, you know, and coming across a really good feeling that's happening for no reason or a or a clear reason or whatever it is, and and the thought in the mind like too happy, or should I really feel as happy and things like that?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: I can feel just the struggle with that.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my I just wrote this, I'm um almost finished with my second book, and I uh first of all, I want to just take a moment to say hi to Sarah and Krista and Oregon, they're both um joining us live and um kind of from their the land of smoke and fire, and um, so we're sending our best wishes for comfort and peace and um clear skies and soft rain.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so anyway, but um I forgot what I was saying.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, okay.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: And again, if you have questions, um please let us know.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Alex is gonna let us know what they are and what oh yeah, so forth.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know I was saying, um I I was um never mind, I'll come back to it later.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is hard, y'all.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, and I don't even have okay, my questions.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so um one of the things that um you had said in our last discussion, um, that you the some advice that you had for people was to have fun in the darkness.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I really want to know what does that look like and how would you define that?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Give me a second here.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: You for me, for me, lately it's been a lot of um humor, humorous moments where the the mind sweeps in, you know, or an event happens, and often if it's just very ironic, it can be very funny, you know, sometimes if you take a look at it, you know, particularly with the gift of this year, this rapid awakening.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: And um I think the best way for me to sum that up, I received this message once, I can't remember from who, but it's so valuable to me.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: Just look at the mind like like a like a precious child who's learning how to tie their shoes, you know, and getting frustrated.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: And with that, there comes a lot of lightness.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: But then also for me, the way this looks for me is um you know, creating.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: I love making art.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: And through studies of the traditions of yoga and meditations on the topic, um, just recognizing what is built in the darkness, you know, what is built from you know the burning down of things.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I know that sounds really, really extreme, but for me, um, the fun hat is had in in the creation that comes from the triggering of the dark.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, um the the uh art, I don't think that um got a bad room.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: emergency.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: I did a um a certificate in drawing and sculpture at the School of the Art Institute.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Stop it.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't I didn't know the scope I go, I don't know, but I used to do these just ginormous drawings on paper because I I love paper.
• 22:33
  unknown: Yeah.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And um at the time I was thinking it was I was it was sort of like I finished raising my kids or they were all in school and I wanted to do do something for myself so I entered into this program.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: And um I thought I was going to be like a fine artist, you know, like yeah but I found the work to be so solitary that I could not do it.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: But looking back at the work I realized how much I was working out my stuff through those works.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And there you know like there was a lot of like dislocated limbs and you know chopped off heads and like lots of stuff you know that I was working through but it that was only really um visible to me in hindsight.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I just think any of those types of things that you can take the mind offline meditative things are really super useful right now.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: So important and um I've been really wanting to get back to my art lately.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: I've been away from it you know this year has been tough you know I'm way at you know as a business owner I'm running yoga studios and and doing things and we've got I've got my child and thank you um I've got my child and and working through school things with her and it's week by week so it's hard to plan and for my life planning is so important at this point um you know structuring in time and for a while I had you know these these days every week or these hours every week structured through that so now I'm just kind of slipping in there where whenever I can um but I've been desperately wanting to get back because you're right um I watched I looked back at the progression of my art throughout maybe just maybe the past three to four years and then prior and three years ago so in like 2017 2018 I started to do these really intricate drawings of groups of women it started with with twins you know like um it was the same spirit and I realized that it was it was uh finding peace in the camaraderie of other women I was healing that because I didn't have that you know I grew up I the way I grew up it it's it's in the thing it's in the video that we did in the interview um and watched it grow from there and then the next was this once I committed to once a week or one painting a week oil painting I wanted to learn oil painting and in those oil paintings it was a lot of uh nature a woman in nature and then lately it's been a lot of um just kind of raw fun sexuality in my art as well which is something I never embraced you know like I never uh wanted to skirt that line because I didn't want it I don't know I just whoa I just realized why does it ever come to you just like that you know like because I didn't want to deal with those wounds.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't I wasn't comfortable with it you know and I would go to these arts exhibits and um kind of be turned off by some of these I'm tending to my daughter right now.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes mom's gotta bring her kids to work yes that's just the way it is it's just the way it is um so I would see these go to these exhibits and see these like blatant sexual you know and women with you know vaginas and somehow placed into the art and uh I was just so turned off so turned off and now I'm so attracted to it.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah so there's something there and this year has been the year of great sexual trauma healing for me and then well that's like that's the fruitful darkness right that's yeah the fruitful darkness yeah yeah so what what is like thrilling you um now and how and how do you reach for that when when things are feeling heavy and when things are like you know feeling like you're being weighed down by the energy what is thrilling me everything it's really interesting I'm um I'm gonna answer both of those questions because both feel really important but I am really thrilled by um the potentiality that's just in the air up for grabs um building you know building things there's nothing that's kind of inaccessible I mean if you're if you're resting in the soul um what's thrilling me the most is it is what happens when you just arrive you know if you just arrive for life call it in show up how it just explodes in front of you like a spring garden you know it's just yeah yeah um what was the second question um about how do you reach for what's thrilling you when you feel laid down by the energy of it yeah that one feels important too when because when I'm grieving uh I feel very heavy really wet and um luckily this year my life has been blessed with individuals who have the strength to remind me in those moments and prior to this year it was just just stone wall lone wolf you know like I don't want you to know who I am I don't want your help you know and it's not like I would I was uh sort of defiant at the world like that it wasn't I wasn't outwardly you know stay away from me but I had constructed this great um personality that that in a very sort of slippery tricky hidden way kept people away you know for whatever reason how however I I uh figured out a way to interact with that person um that would just keep me in that place of of being alone and so this year just cracked that wide open and I real and this is where it came from I realized that in order to be of service I it's not a one-way wall you know service flows in and flows out and um my soul is hungry to serve to be of service in all ways it really is like that's what thrills me does this have a bigger purpose for for everything for everyone all parties involved and uh I realized I couldn't I couldn't do that anymore without calling on other people I could not tap into that when the weight was on me I was just under that weight and the other night I had a really beautiful experience with um someone who wouldn't let me let me move into my shell just would not what is going on and I and in that moment I had realized I was so removed from um exercising that connection with someone else in my place of vulnerability because I couldn't put words to it.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: It I was like tripping over words it was like learning a new language but I got it up yeah I've had that experience with writing this book which I was talking about before I feel like it's just like it's in a way it's kind of just like my workbook and I have all these topics and that I want to address and it's really like taking me through this really challenging process where I start to write about what I believe is supposed to come through about this topic and then I'm like oh wait is that true and then I have to dig a little bit deeper and then I'm like oh okay this is it and then it's like wait a minute no is that right now I think there's something more and it's like it's like this constant digging for like what the root issue really is like I was writing this chapter on um apologies and I noticed like how much of my I'm both like an overapologizer and an under apologizer.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are I am yes yes I over apologize for things that aren't my responsibility and I have a terrible problem with apologizing for things that I really owe an apology on.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm it's like a mess it's an absolute mess but it but uncovering it has been like really so what I what I discovered as I was doing all this digging was that part of what's behind that is that I was operating under the assumption that if you make a mistake people leave you oh yeah or they stop loving but they do sometimes that's right they do I've experienced people do leave you and they stop loving but they should but it's not because you made a mistake no so I no but so you mean you don't have to be perfect all the time right well so this is the thing so I I in order to avoid making any mistakes I put that I would have to apologize for I put on the mantle of perfectionism and all of my relationships in all this time have been based on this idea that I need to be perfect to be loved really isn't it awful I feel so held and understood right now if you're just joining us I'm happy to hear that you're just joining us I want to ask check in with everybody and see if anybody has any questions for us yet.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry I didn't all right um okay so uh I want to talk a little bit about what's thrilling to me if you don't mind.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: Please sorry you didn't ask so um what I'm really thrilled about is I have had like the experience of showing up and like doing something like this with no more masks is just and that okay so that's phenomenal for me.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: It might not be you know awesome for everybody but it's phenomenal for me.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: And but the the idea that we're all gonna be able to do that eventually as we work our way toward that is um so so thrilling to me.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it gets easier that's what I want to tell people because in the beginning this process is so painful because the things that are covering us are are difficult for us to deal with they're that we're we're wounded and that's why we have the armor on.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: But once you start taking it off and revealing who you really are it gets easier and easier and easier and the rewards start just heaping on you.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know there's more opportunities to be yourself.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's more opportunities to meet other people who are themselves and the connection that you have is so much deeper and so much more rewarding.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Wow isn't it yeah whoa I had to like take that in for a second so true and uh like just looking back into my life how do I relate to what you're saying right now just looking at my circle of people how that's evolved yeah you know um as phases of my life went by and finding myself at events where I looked around and just suddenly realized I I don't want to have anything in common with these people I never have and I'm tired of trying and you know stepping back from that just in that moment just you know becoming the person I want to be or gradually or however it goes um that's gonna help you can you go back there hi Jude my friend Jude from Australia is joining us Jude the one you told me about what did I tell you about with the she's designing yes yes Jude we got um we're gonna have Jude on um soon she's gonna talk about the home that she's building in Australia that is um it's gonna be very special but she's a a guardian of the land there and um she's building this incredible place on the beach so we can all join her there.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: So what else do we want to cover Lisa?
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have anything else that you want to talk about?
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk a little bit just for a second about um one of the things that you were touching upon is that when you start becoming your authentic self, you start to draw to you people who are in resonance with where you're at and you almost don't even have to try do you like you you're just it just is happening happening naturally and all that angst that we experienced over you know making friends and how difficult that was that just sort of kind of fades away it just is yeah it's the facade you know that is is your friend collector somehow you know it's like it's how you're trying to make friends how can I um and and in volume too I think that was another misconception I had you know the the quantity versus quality and I again these are ideas I had no I I just didn't know I just you know you you like feel like you don't uh belong and you take that in and why don't I feel like I belong here and what's wrong with me you know and and then one day you know I just came to the self-study part of that well do I want to be friends with these people you know like I don't I don't uh know how much I feel about you but I feel like you don't like me so I'm just gonna focus on that.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah yeah yeah and so yes and since then um watching these beautiful women walk through the perimeter of my life and then come closer and closer and just watching them and just admiring them.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know what they're doing with their lives how they show up you know and it's and it's never what I thought it would be.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's not status it's not money it's not looks it's not anything it's a radiance that shines through you know and a grace radiance and grace and and you know coming to the realization that that's what I want to embody and then the slow ego kind of falling away like just recognizing um recognizing what it is yeah and what that means to me.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah and then letting them lead by example and then finally the point of stepping into the circle with them and rising up you know how can how can I be here you know not running anymore.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah I I also want to talk a little bit about um you mentioned um earlier that the uh you know this the I think a lot of people don't take the time to ask for what they want maybe it's issues of self-worth like nobody told them that they could ask and that their wishes would be granted like a genie you know it's like the universe is becoming the genie that's out of the bottle you know we can we can call things to us that we desire and I just want to remind people that that is an option that is available to them that you can start calling in the support that you need the friendships that you desire the um you know the assistance with this this path you know the the light help whatever whatever it is partners jobs yeah oh gosh when we had that zoom meeting I just felt over the overwhelming need to just say that and hear it and like converse about that this new foundability this year to just manifest what do you need what do you want like it it seems a bit like two part you know all of the things that didn't matter peeled away we're just looking at what does matter okay now let's ask for it and how do you do that how do you ask and how much do you ask and when do you ask and that's a great question um before you know I would think I would need to desperately ask and somehow earn it you know and and ask every day but uh now it's it's almost as though there's a there's a place within there's just the field within stand there ask for it once and you know one and done and it shows up tomorrow usually well yeah so what are you calling in for yourself now um I'm calling in to to be of maximum service I'm at a point in my life where I just want to whatever it looks like I don't care what it looks like I don't um I don't care if I'm in the spotlight or not you know I I don't care what it means but um to arrive for people in a way that helps them to do the soul work to to to be in this beautiful place that I'm feeling every single day um but also recognizing for the first time in my life that as a being of light in a in a dense vehicle I need a home I need to not worry about where food for my child and I are coming from and that's always been a fear of mine one because it's a trauma that's not accurate and two because now I'm a single mom living in a home so you know in a strange world at the moment.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm calling that in and it I'm it's it's showing up you know now I have this homeschooling thing and and you know still running the studios in spite of everything and you know D I do but how but this beautiful home you know I called in the ability to have freedom and it and um independence and and a beautiful home that was built you know like my own little tiny kingdom.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah sanctuary a little sanctuary yeah yeah I've been calling in um a team oh my gosh I want I want to collaborate and I want to do it with other people I want to I'm I've always been like doing all the work and now I want like a team and helpers and I want to help people too I want us to like help each other.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I'm that's what I'm calling it.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: It blows my mind how so often you know when we do connect on the phone we have these ideas.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel you like whatever you're doing is working you're here to help me you want to be in service and I want somebody to help me so maybe you're well you're doing it now right well we're doing the teeth thing right we were talking then yes all right well um Andrea's joining us from Scottsdale hi Andrea she says she's appreciating the beautiful um open hearts so thank you Andrea all right well um I guess that's gonna be it for us tonight um today I just okay my son is sending three moons thanks uh that's sweet um I want to let you know that we're actually gonna be back here at Kava Diem uh coffee shop in St.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: Charles Illinois we're gonna have a guest who's actually in the in the audience today Diana Sheik is gonna join me and she and I are gonna talk about going down the rabbit holes and about how to cope when your loved ones are struggling.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really looking forward to that conversation I think like between the two of us we've pretty much gone down all the rabbit holes and had to claw our way back out.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really looking forward to that conversation.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: So that's going to be in two weeks I think it's September 30th at 730 pm Central here at Cabadiem.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank everybody online for joining us today.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_00: This um podcast will be available where we post our other podcasts just go to my um website kac.com click on the podcast button and you'll figure that out from there I want to um thank everybody who came to Kava DM to see us in person.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's been great to have you guys here small but mighty crowd and hope you can join us next time thanks everybody that's a wrap guys