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Transcript

101: The World Needs Your Medicine — Not Your Perfection · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

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  Don't allow perfectionism to continue to block your medicine.
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  You have come here to express a divine purpose in this lifetime.
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  And whatever you have come here to do sometimes gets blocked by perfectionism.
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  We know that perfectionism is a trauma response, an armor we learned to protect and shield and guard ourselves
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  against systems of supremacy, systems of hierarchy, the idea that we're inherently unworthy,
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  the idea that we need to shrink ourselves, and this is often tied to the various identities that
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  we carry.
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  Perfectionism is tied to white supremacy.
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  It is tied to cis male supremacy.
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  It is tied to
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  homophobia and transphobia, and how we define, and how society rather defines, what it means to look
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  perfect.
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  What it means to sound perfect is often a mirror image, a manifestation of these very
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  colonial systems.
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  So we are the people who are here to express new possibilities, to pave the way
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  to a more inclusive, magical, healed and loving world.
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  A world with more color, more expression,
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  more honesty, more vulnerability and more heart.
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  If you are in your heart and you live through
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  your sensitivity that is a divine gift that is suppressed again by these same systems by the
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  system that puts the masculine over the feminine that puts hardness over softness that puts a lack
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  of feeling because of course in the system of capitalism it is more beneficial for us to be
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  disconnected from our bodies and feelings so that we are easier to exploit and to ignore our deeper
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  needs on a somatic and emotional level in service of the system we are serving, in service of
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  self-exploitation and exploitation by the system.
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  So all of this is by design.
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  And as we try to
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  pave the way to a more wonderful, magical world, the possibility of utopia of heaven on earth,
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  you are part of that paving.
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  You have medicine within you seeking to be unlocked and experienced
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  by the collective.
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  And so it is up to us to give ourselves and each other permission
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  to show up imperfectly.
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  I have dealt with so many forms of perfectionism in my life and it is an
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  ongoing conversation, an ongoing invitation.
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  I like the shift from creative blocks to creative
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  invitations.
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  What am I being invited to accept about myself?
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  What am I being invited to explore?
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  how am I being invited to take up space that may feel uncomfortable but that I choose to give
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  myself permission to do for a long time I felt that all of my value came from how perfectly I
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  could show up which of course moved the goal post again and again to a standard that I could never
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  fully reach and what I've realized is perfectionism not only blocks our magic and medicine but blocks
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  our joy so profoundly it is a manifestation of supremacy culture it is a manifestation of this
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  feeling that we are inherently insufficient and unworthy this feeling that we are not sacred
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  because that which is sacred gets to show up as it is and be adored in its isness
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  when you view a tree as sacred you don't look at the tree and search for its flaws or search
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  for the ways that it is not as magnificent, as abundant, as juicy as the other trees.
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  You look at that tree as a sacred manifestation of life, as a miracle.
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  And you are that miracle.
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  It's just that we've been given a filter, a toxic set of lenses to view ourselves and
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  each other through.
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  And so how do we correct these systems?
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  We know that we need broad systemic change and yet we also know we are also how systems perpetuate is through individuals as well.
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  So it's not either the system or me.
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  It's both and.
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  It's interconnected.
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  It's intertwined.
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  It's more like a spectrum where we all are part of a family system, a local system, a community system, a school system.
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  And as we take up more space, as we give ourselves more permission to show up just as we are, we intrinsically unlock that permission in those around us.
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  We spread this possibility of self-love and self-acceptance by being the physical embodiment of it.
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  So you are not here to become magical or become worthy or even become ready.
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  what you may be here for is to return to your intrinsic inherent magic and sacredness
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  return to the sense that you are infinitely worthy return to your worthiness to show up just as you
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  are as the child does singing with abandon not caring how they sound but delighting in the song
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  itself, making up characters, making believe, being in that raw divine expression of infinite
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  creative potential, infinite creativity and playfulness.
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  That is what we are here to return to.
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  And while in the moment it may feel uncomfortable to take up space in this way, you are a way shower.
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  You are a path finder.
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  Where there is forest, you remove some of those trees and create a path for
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  others to travel but what does that mean there will be thorns there will be discomfort there
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  will be that feeling of whiplash where the tree branch as you part it tries to smack you in the
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  face but just know that so many of your ancestors both biological and creative ancestral people in
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  your life your ancestral lineage of artistry the people who've inspired you of change making the
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  people who have fought such that we could even be having these types of conversations.
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  They have borne so many thorns and branches to find a path forward and we are part of that legacy.
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  And so you as a path shower, part of your medicine is allowing yourself the freedom
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  to show up just as you are.
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  One of my long-held dreams has been to be a podcast interviewer,
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  to interview people in studio and be in conversation.
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  Now, in imagination, I imagine myself as the
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  perfect interviewer.
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  And when I listen to podcasts and I watch them, which I love doing, I think all
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  of us, if you love to consume something on some level, your spirit longs to create it.
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  And I truly
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  believe that.
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  You may think, oh no, but I love movies, but I don't want to be a filmmaker.
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  But
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  if I said, okay, I'm going to give you all the resources, all the tools, all the lessons to learn
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  exactly how to make films would you still feel that way if I set up a society that made it much
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  easier that gave you mentors gave you friends gave you people in the industry less gatekeepers
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  more openness would you still feel that way so I just say this to say that if you love consuming
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  something part of you I believe in the spirit realm or somewhere longs to create that thing and
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  perhaps you're being invited to accept that and step into that truth and ask where could this be
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  in 10 years rather than what might happen you know in a few months anyways I digress so
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  I consume a lot of podcasts I love podcasting I love the space and I love conversations between
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  people and very often as I as any artist does we want to fill some of the gaps we see in our space
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  so maybe we listen to music and we love the music but then there's something we feel like is missing
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  we're like oh but what if this genre was blended with this or what if this was expressed in this
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  way or what if there was more affirming sounds or affirming lyrics you know what i mean we have
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  these ways that we are innovators and we innovate on top of what already exists and isa ray speaks
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  about this in her masterclass create what you wish existed so many artists say that that you are here
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  to be in conversation with what does and doesn't exist and to be part of filling that gap so for me
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  with podcasting it was this feeling that people are not always holding space or deeply listening
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  to the guest that things that the guest is saying are being skimmed over or maybe there's an agenda
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  that it that the that the host has and they're not always being present and alive to what is
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  being said so these were forms of judgment that i was making and i believe that what we judge
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  becomes our destiny to experience because when i was in the room when i was in the seat what i
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  realized is it's not necessarily coming from maliciousness or coming from a lack of desire
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  to listen.
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  It is actually very cognitively stressful to hold the conversation.
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  The lights
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  are bright.
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  You're in a studio.
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  It feels very high pressure to always listen to every single thing
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  is more complex than I gave it credit for before I tried it myself.
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  So now in the post-production
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  phase, I'm hoping that I'm going to be the perfect interviewer, but what am I noticing?
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  I'm not.
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  There are things the guest says that I don't reflect back to them.
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  They're saying far
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  more than the human mind could possibly reflect back.
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  There are moments where I wish I paused.
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  There are moments where I wish I reacted in a way that was honoring what they just said rather than
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  moving on to what I received from it.
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  There are choices in the conversation that I wish I'd made
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  differently.
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  And I feel the sense of shame.
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  I'm not good enough.
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  I'm not the person I thought I
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  had to be to be able to do this.
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  But luckily I've created this entire body of work about this very
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  thing, about creative fear, about not feeling good enough and about returning to the fact that you
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  are medicine just as you are, not because of your perfection.
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  I don't need to be the perfect
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  interviewer who is able to catch every single thing the guest says and able to never repeat
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  the same statement.
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  Oh, that's amazing.
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  Or that's, I love that.
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  You know, sometimes I'm self-conscious
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  of the fact that I'm repeating the same sorts of reactions.
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  Oh, I love that.
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  Oh, I love that.
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  Oh,
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  I love that.
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  You know what I mean?
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  These ways we become our own inner critic.
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  These ways we
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  internalize that voice of criticism almost as a shield to make other people's criticism less
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  painful.
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  But actually then we're just exposing ourselves to two different forms of pain.
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  So what I'm trying to really invite myself is I get to be seen imperfectly.
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  I don't have to wait
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  until this imaginary perfect interviewer drops into my body and then only she gets to live her
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  dream and what I'm also grappling with and in conversation with is how can I enjoy it what's
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  the point of living your dream and then not enjoying it because you're so fixated on what
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  you're doing wrong so releasing perfectionism is also about having so much compassion for yourself
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  that you get to enjoy the process how enjoyable can writing be if you're always criticizing your
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  writing how enjoyable can dancing be if at every move you are self-conscious and you are judging
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  yourself so part of your medicine is to yourself to say i get to delight in my quote-unquote
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  imperfection i get to release the idea that there even is a perfect interviewer or writer or dancer
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  and i know this is easier said than done but that is part of what it means to be a path finder is to
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  find the possibilities that elude us to find the possibilities of finding joy not because it's
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  perfect finding meaning in a place that perfectionism doesn't even know how to go
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  a place of generosity a place of curiosity can we shift our values so we don't put perfectionism
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  first because someone could write a poem that moves you so deeply and in their head it's not
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  good enough but in your heart it's the only reason you have hope that day so what is the point of art
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  is what we get to ask ourselves.
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  Is the point of art excellence or is it to feel something?
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  This is why I invite you to choose connection over perfection.
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  Choose the possibility that
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  this conversation, this video, this message could connect.
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  Choose the possibility that you could
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  connect more deeply with yourself and with reality through creation because creation is a form of
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  cosmic connection it's how we act as channels how we embody a conversation with what has been and
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  what is still yet to be with all the timelines of possibility when a singer sings they are in
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  conversation with all the songs they've ever listened to they have formulated music out of
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  the music that has been given to them and through them we're always in co-creation all creation is
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  co-creation.
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  We're always responding to something or dancing with someone, something.
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  Dancing with
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  our own histories and lineages.
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  Dancing with our own stories and narratives.
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  Dancing with our own
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  experiences and dancing with the experiences of those around us.
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  Dancing with culture.
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  Dancing
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  with what the conversations that we're having with others are.
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  Dancing with the kind of world that we
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  wish to see.
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  And in the world that I wish to see, you get to show up just as you are and be celebrated
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  for that but how do we gain that world we become it and there are going to be some of us who's
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  becoming inspires more and more others and you are one of those people in your community or online
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  offline wherever you are wherever you exist you are someone that people look to for guidance we
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  all do that to each other we're all so influenced by each other we all look to each other and think
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  oh what are they doing you know and so allowing yourself to be so devoted to your divine purpose
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  be so devoted to your inherent sacredness that you are sacred there's nothing that you could
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  create or do or look like that would make you any less sacred and in order for us to really live that
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  we have to act as though we're already living it like the naval god art principle of acting as if
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  living in the end.
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  So if we want to live in a world where we are fully expressed,
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  then we get to embody that expression now and trust that this is part of the lineage of
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  inheritance that others are going to receive.
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  So if you feel like no one looks or sounds like you,
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  if you feel like you have something that makes you unqualified or unworthy, know that that is
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  the very world building that you are here to do because there are eight, nine billion of us.
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  of course there are people who look like you want to be more seen they're just not seeing people
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  who look like them to show the way you are paving the way and as you pave that way may you delight
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  in the paving and may you also find a space within yourself to enjoy your own medicine enjoy your own
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  expression and see something beyond perfectionism as possible it's like we've been taught to look at
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  this mountain which is the mountain of perfectionism but there's a horizon on the other
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  side of it that's more beautiful to focus on what is your horizon it could be generosity that's
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  something i turn to like yes some of those interviews are not perfect because perfectionism
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  doesn't exist but also they could help someone they could support someone and there's something
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  beyond words happening in the conversation that i do believe is divine is sacred is beyond words
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  so if we tap into the fact that we are generous that we are brave that we are courageous can we
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  find the horizon beyond the perfection can we choose not to even climb the mountain of perfectionism
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  choose not to even try to be perfect I think growing is beautiful there is this beautiful
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  balance because we know how incredible it is to witness someone who is so devoted to their craft
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  that they have become like the highest possibility for how they could be as an artist but I think
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  what that asked of them is many many years of sitting not in the highest expression of sitting
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  with the gap that all artists face between their taste and their capabilities every single artist
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  has to be in conversation with the fact that my taste in music is not the song that i can make
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  today my taste in an interview is not the interviewer i can be today so we can also humble
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  ourselves the ego wants everything instantly now doesn't want to earn it it wants to just get it
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  It wants to acquire rather than grow into experience, trust.
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  So trust that if you do really value being an excellent, whatever you define as an excellent,
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  whatever you do, an excellent writer, an excellent singer, we only get there by getting there.
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  So it's by humbling ourselves and saying, I am exactly where I've earned myself to be.
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  I'm the exact interviewer that I have earned myself to be.
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  and the only way to be that interviewer that I want to be is to keep interviewing.
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  But what I don't
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  need to do is punish and criticize myself along the way.
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  I get to celebrate every single step
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  as divine, as sacred, because what we also know about every single artist, we hear this across
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  fields.
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  We hear this in entrepreneurs.
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  We hear this in creators.
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  We hear this in voice, you know,
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  in singers, that there are moments, there are parts of their beginning of the journey that
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  or some of the most precious moments of their memories.
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  I remember the beginning when it was just three of us in a room.
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  You know, there is, I know we could call it rose-colored glasses,
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  but there is also a magic to being a beginner.
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  There's a magic to starting something.
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  There's a magic to stumbling.
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  It's how we all learned how to walk and talk and experience this life.
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  So can we celebrate every step like the proudest parent?
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  And can we choose our medicine over perfection?
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  can we choose to share our medicine over our desire for perfection can we choose connection
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  with the collective with ourselves with younger versions of us who needed this with older versions
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  of us who may be grateful that we made this can we be in connection over perfection
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  i'm sending so much love to you i hope this has served your deepest consciousness
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  I'm sending love from my heart if you are facing this challenge of not feeling good enough know
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  that you are not alone I feel this all the time and what I refuse to do is allow it to stop me
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  from what I know is mine I mean exactly like I know that this is my path and I know that by walking
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  it imperfectly by sharing this message imperfectly that is the only option there is no other option
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  it's not like there's another world where I get to walk the perfect path and get there the only
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  way through is through.
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  The only way to take the next step is to take the next step.
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  So if you have
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  a reality that you know is yours to experience, if you know I'm meant to be on that stage, I'm meant
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  to be in that studio, I'm meant to be at that book launch, that is made for me.
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  I've known this my
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  whole life.
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  Or maybe you've known this for a year or maybe you're just knowing it now.
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  If you know
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  that babes let that knowing hold your hand as you walk the unpathable path as you walk
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  the pathless path the path that can only become by taking the next step as you take these steps
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  let your knowing let your devotion to your vision to what you know is yours guide you
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  and yes your vision didn't tell you about all these challenges and imperfections and delays
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  It never said, hey, it's going to be like this because it needed to give you the most compelling possibility so that you would continue to follow it like a beacon.
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  And you are a beacon.
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  You are the beacon that we will follow.
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  You are the beacon that the people who have come to this earth to resonate with you like a soul contract.
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  You know, the idea that we all have these soul contracts.
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  We might have soul contracts with our parents, soul contracts with our friends.
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  people have soul contracts with what you are here to create in this life with your music
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  with your message with you showing up taking up space refusing to shrink so that can only be
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  fulfilled by you taking the next step courageously and trusting support is always on its way to you
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  trusting that your divine purpose is bigger than what perfectionism can hold perfectionism is too
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  small and limited of an imagination to hold your magnificence i'll say that again perfectionism is
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  too small and limited of an imagination to hold your magnificence because perfectionism comes from
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  colonialism, capitalism, white supremacy.
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  These containers are far too constrictive and small to
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  hold your magnificence, your magic, your energy, your essence, your being, which is beyond what
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  perfection can even hold as a word, as a container.
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  It is divine.
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  It is sacred.
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  It is ultimately and
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  infinitely and always worthy of taking a step or of pausing or of resting, of doing what alignment
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  looks and feels like today.
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  So if you truly felt in your bones, in your body, in your being that
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  you did not have to be perfect, what is the next step that you would allow yourself to take?
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  And can you celebrate that next step regardless of the outcome?
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  Can you be proud that you were
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  courageous faithful devoted enough to take that step we are celebrating your medicine we are
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  calling you in there are people manifesting you as a partner as a friend you as a collaborator
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  as a peer you as a mentor as a teacher they want you just as you are today one conversation with
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  you could change someone's life so don't allow perfectionism to block you feel the fear
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  and do it anyway, the classic saying, I love that saying, and know that as you take this step,
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  you are not alone.
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  There are so many with you energetically and they will find you physically.
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  The more you take these steps to share your truth in the way you feel called, people in alignment
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  with your soul, not your ego's desire for self-preservation, your soul's need and desire
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  to express, to share, to contribute, to give, to dance, to learn, to teach, to express something
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  in this life.
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  That's what's now going to be met.
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  And so you're going to find deeper connection,
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  deeper friendship, deeper resonance with the people around you because you're actually showing
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  up not as the version of you who's shrinking to be palatable, but the version of you who is
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  expressed who is larger than the social conditioning and programming wants to keep you or wants to
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  allow you to be I'm sending you so much love and I'll see you on the next soul session if you are
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  facing the fear of being seen the fear of imperfection the fear of taking the next step
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  you are so brave you are so courageous what is the next step you can allow yourself to take if
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  You were the most loving, supportive witness towards yourself.
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  And knowing that by you becoming that to yourself, you become that through yourself.
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  You become that possibility of heaven on earth for all of us.
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  I'm sending so, so, so much love and I'll see you on the next soul session.
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  I love you.
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  Bye.
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  My darling, my love, my soul sibling.
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  Thank you for stepping into the soul salon.
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  If you are still hearing or watching this, we are soul siblings.
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  We are resonating on the same frequency.
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  And so something you may struggle with that I struggle with is the fear of being seen.
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  You know that visibility is involved in you living your creative purpose and being in your power, serving the collective through your gifts, through your magic, through your medicine.
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  In order to do that, you know you need to be more seen than you are allowing yourself to be right now.
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  I have a gift just for you, heart made for us on this frequency.
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  And it is a free ebook called the Soulful Visibility Guide.
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  That is soulful visibility.
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  Like we don't just want to be seen.
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  We want to be felt.
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  We want to be heard.
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  We want to move and be moved.
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  So I do have a free gift for you.
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  And all you need to do is go to my website, I understood.com.
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  And there you will be able to input your email address and receive this directly to your inbox.
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  This is such a juicy and delicious guide and I change the free offering every few months.
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  So, you know, get it while you can.
• 24:45
  All the links are in the show notes.
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  So thank you so much.
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  I love you and I will see you on the next soul session.
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  Okay.
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  I love you.
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  Bye.