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The Fifth Hour: The Original Big Dumper · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Kabooms.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: In the air everywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Mahler and Danny g radio along.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: He'll join us at some point over the weekend.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: As we are settling on this Friday, the eighteenth day
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: of July, early in the am, as we get the
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: party started.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: I was away from my post last night as I
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: guard the overnight, and I did not fly the Red
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Eye flight. This was not my decision, it was by request.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: The wife had requested that I take the night off.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: We had some plans, so I did take the night off.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: But the podcast, which you can do anywhere, including the
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: super secret location I am at right now, I will
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: not reveal my identity as far as where I am,
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: but you can do these kind of podcasts anywhere.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: So we're hanging out.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: It is National Sour Candy Day to day on this Friday,
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: very exciting unless it's not. Now, I do like these
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: fun facts about these dopey holidays. So I went back
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: down a rabbit hole kind of looking at various fun
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: facts about candy, and there were a couple of things
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: that stood out in my due diligence that in the
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: early days of America, you talk about candy being consumed
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: by the masses, there was pretty basic candy. The people
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: that made the candy did not want to risk losing
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: credibility with the customer, so they wouldn't try anything new.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Now I mentioned it's National Sour Candy Day today, and
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: one of the other big events was in the nineteen fifties.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: If you're of a certain age, you probably know about this.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: I wasn't aware of it. I always thought since the
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: beginning of time, going back to the Middle Ages and
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: before that, when it was Halloween time, you just gave
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: out candy. But this was actually a brilliant marketing move
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: by the people that make candy. They're like, listen, we
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: are guaranteed in the end of October. October thirty first,
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: on Nick Saban's birthday, to move a ton of product
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: if we can combine the Halloween holiday and you must
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: give candy to the kids. And so in the nineteen
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: fifties that became mainstream. The people that made the candy
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: created campaigns, marketing camp is to link Halloween and candy together,
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: and you can't say no to that because it's for
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: the children.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: And that was a defining.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: Point, a point of demarcation with the people that made
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: the candy were like, well, we don't have to really
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: worry about credibility because we're selling so much candy.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: We can try some different crap.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: And in the nineteen fifties one of the things that
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: came out was the atomic fireball, so like a kind
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: of a tart taste. Those things are still around. I
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: don't know if they're called the atomic fireballs. And that
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: was the beginning of the sour candy, sour candy volcano
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: that went kaboom interrupted. According to my research, my keyboard research,
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: my two minute research, and it was in nineteen sixty
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: two that lemonhead candy. Lemonhead candy became a thing. It
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: was introduced, it became a big hit in the early
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: nineteen sixties, and then thirty years later, in the nineties,
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: the Foreign Candy Company whatever that is, brought Warheads to
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: the US. I remember when the warheads became very popular.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: They had been in Thailand and they came over and
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: they were like, oh my god, this is so great.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: And that was a massive explosion. And we got a
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: whole bunch of other sour candies and all that. So
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: it is National Sour Candy Day. Celebrate appropriately, enjoy some
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: nice sour candies.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: So on this edition of The Fifth.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Hour, which you listen to whenever you want, we have
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like Shark Week and the original Big Dumper.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: We've got that and some other things that we have time,
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: but we'll begin with this. So the games return today.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: The games returned today and tonight, and there's Cubs and
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: the Red Sox played game, but then most of the
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: games are at night tonight, as the Major League Baseball
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: schedule returns. All Star Week has come and gone. We
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: had the swing Off. It's in the record books, although
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: Aaron Judge and sho hail Tani didn't see it. They
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: were on planes leaving Atlanta. But this is a week
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: many blowhards dread. Many blowhards dread. Oh I can't believe
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: you see a lot of people taking vacation this week,
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: people like Colin Cowhard, Dan Patrick and others.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I've taken some time off.
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: Now, if you've been listening, and I don't listen that
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: much because I don't want to steal someone else's material,
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: but I hear the promos on Fox Sports Radio, and
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I hear some other random things via text and whatnot.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: So if you've been listening.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: To the various shows, you probably have heard the menu
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: that is being.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Used by all the maniacs that do this.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: We have rebranded this part of the All Star Week
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: in Major League Baseball. It's It's list Week, is what
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: it is, right, It's I mean, though the way say it,
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: there's really no all the way to say it. It's
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: It's list Week, the four days in the middle of
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: July when sports radio hosts, TV pundits, podcasters, YouTubers become
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: professional rankers of things and reactors to ranking things and
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: other people doing. It's kind of like Shark Week. It
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: is perfect for lazy radio, it really is. Now we've
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: talked on this show, and if you listen to the
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Overnight show, you know that we give announcements every so often,
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: usually around Thanksgiving and Christmas, watch out for lazy sports.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Radio and dead give away.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: The dead giveaway for lazy sports radio is when your
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: favorite talk show host says, who's been naughty?
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Who's been nice this year? Who? What do you think?
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Thankful foreign sports for Thanksgiving?
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Who would you invite to Thanksgiving dinner?
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: New Year's also, So those are the three big holidays
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: for lazy sports radio. But here in this list week,
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: which is kind of like Shark Week, the ingredients are
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: top five breakout stars of the baseball season, top ten
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: NFL uniforms.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Who's the most overrated manager?
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Right? I have ten right here? Least likable NFL stars?
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: A favorite bathroom bloopers in sports? Was it Paul Pierce
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: when he had that incident in Boston and he needed
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: the wheelchair because he pooped his pants?
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Was it Lamar Jackson running.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: Off the field because he had die die diarrhea? Or
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Ben Bishop during the Stanley Cup finals also having diarrhea.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter, It does not matter what it is,
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: as long as you put a number on it.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Odd numbers are preferred. More bite, more bite. Now.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: Years ago, as a young Benny Blowhard, I was learning
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: my craft in press boxes around Los Angeles. Is I
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: learned the truth about the list from the patron saying
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: of cynical sports writing, the late great TJ.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Simers rest in piece. TJ.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: TJ didn't just right list, he weaponized them. He knew
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: all of the magic of the list. Now.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: He told me once as a young lad, if you want.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: People to talk about your little show, just leave shack
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: off a list.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: And this was back when Shaq and Kobe were the.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: Bombity bombity Bombiti bamedy Bombitay with the Lakers.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: So he's like, oh yeah, just leave them.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: Other people will freak out and boom right, It's true,
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: like phones would light up. There was really no social
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: media in those days, so we don't have to worry
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: about that. But you're suddenly the star of the outrage
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: industrial complex. And because the inside skinny on this, the
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: truth on this. Lists are just spam. They're just filler.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: They're not it's not like journalism. You don't turn in
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: a radio show for journalism, you know, going on social
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: media for journalism, you're looking for opinions, right, your opinionator,
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: But the list is bait.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Now, we don't do lists on the Ben Maler shows.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: You know, we don't do that.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: But the list is a bright shiny thing. It's outrage bait.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: And TJ taught me back in those days. This is
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: how they make the hot balks. You gotta throw one
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: ridiculous opinion in the middle of an otherwise normal rank.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: For example, I give you an exent. We have a
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: great example this week of this type of activity. There
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: was someone who works on Cowhard show, the consiciliere for
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: Colin Cowhard, who put Nicola Jokic, I believe, either equal
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: to or behind DeAndre Ayton, because DeAndre Aden played for
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: the Lake now with the Lakers, and this guy's like
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: a Laker fanboy, and so.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: He put DeAndre Ayton either ahead.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: I didn't see if somebody had sent this to me,
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: and I didn't and I didn't watch it, but he
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: had sent me the Lincoln there was like it was
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: written up so and so says DeAndre Ayton is either
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: as good as Nicola Jokic or better, And so that
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: is that's what that's tossing a bloody steak into a
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: cage of lions. And the thing that I've learned over
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: the years, and again I don't do this. If Terry
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: and England's listening, I don't do this, but people have
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: to react. It's primal, right, we're cavemen in this case,
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: cavemen with microphones. But just by listening, people get all
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: worked up into a lather.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: Who belongs in the top ten clutch hitters in baseball
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: since nineteen ninety seven? Can you include you know so
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: and so, who are the top non steroid players in baseball?
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: Well, how do you know who's on steroids who's not?
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: But here are my ten? And you succumb to it.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: You do even if you know better. And I'm telling
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: you right now, and you'll still do it.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: But you will.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: And of course those of us that host these shows,
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: the people that are kind of lazy, they love it.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, come on these.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: Particular days where you're doing it's like Shark Week, but
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: it's list week. They eat up so much valuable talk radio,
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: real estate, the airtime. It's like Joey Chestnut with a
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: plate of hot dogs on Coney Island in Brooklyn. Right,
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: And you can debate them, you dismantle them, you rebuild them.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: One list like one simple list, one benign list turns
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: into four hours of programming and three days of call ins.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: How could you leave Otadi off the list of the
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: greatest baseball players the last thirty five years?
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Do you think Bryce Harper is better than Aaron Judge?
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: You must be a Philadelphia fanboy. What's wrong with you?
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: He just goes on and on.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: It's it's not conversation, it's content, is what it is.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: And by today, right by today, here we are on
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: this Friday. If you've been consuming, it's like the top
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: twenty five most ridiculous list of list week ranked. Of course,
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: so that has become a staple. That's something that's relatively
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: new and it's not going to end anytime soon. So
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: if you market on your calendar the summer of twenty
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: twenty six, although I guess they might have the Olympics,
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: so maybe the All Star Game won't be going on.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: But either way they will, there will be this kind
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: of content.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: And again for those of you will late to the party,
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: who for some reason, I don't know how you'd be
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: late to the party on a freaking podcast. It's a
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: podcast anyway. On the Ben Mather Show, we don't do lists.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: Occasionally I will dabble in Big Ben's Big board. But
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: Big Ben's Big Board is not a list, right, it
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: is not. It doesn't sound like a list. It doesn't
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: look like a list. It does and taste like a list.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: It doesn't hit you in the head like a list.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: It's much different. Ferg Dog, doing his due diligence, said Ben.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: He said this in my head. I don't know if
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: he actually said it, but he said. In my head,
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: he said, Ben, you know when you do Big Ben's Board,
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: a Big Ben's Big Board, that is that's top of
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: the world radio and the people that do the list,
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: they just don't understand. I said, you know what, Ferg Dog.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: In my head, we have this conversation. I see you're
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: absolutely right, all right now, turning the page from that,
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: I've gotten some pretty good feedback from you idiots on
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: what we've done in recent weeks.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I've kind of changed up the podcast a.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: Little bit, kind of going into more Mallard monologues and
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: storytelling and crap like that. Not that I didn't do
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: that before, but we just changed it up a little bit.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: The feedback has been pretty good, the downloads have been good.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: So I will now go behind the curtain yet again.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, he's going behind the cart.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, So like all good stories, it started out
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: like a normal day out at my beloved Mallor mansion
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: with my beloved English bulldog, Moxie. And I woke up
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: in the early afternoon, rolled out of bed, and I
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: splashed just a dabble water on my face and off
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: to the races, hit the ground running. Now, unbeknowns to me,
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: while I slept, there was a surprise waiting for me. Now,
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: I didn't know when I went to bed that I
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: would be woken up with the surprise.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I did not realize that.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: I didn't even know when I woke up and then
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: put water on my face that we were going to
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: get a surprise. I had no idea because it's a surprise,
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: And if I had only known what awaited me, I
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: would have likely stayed in bed. I would have stayed
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: in bed. I get up, usually run down, jump on
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: the treadmill or whatever. So I get put a little
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: water on the face and go down to the kitchen area.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: And my friend Moxie had decided.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: That she was going to join the military.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: She had unleashed a biological weapon in the Malor mansion.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: In the kitchen. Now forget the Daily Double. This is
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: not the Daily Double. We're talking about a trifecta situation. Okay,
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: not just a little accident on the tile in the kitchen.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: My friend Moxie, bless her portly soul, unleashed the three
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: headed fire breathing dragon. We had poop over here, pee
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: over there, and vomit. She rode the vomit comet, the
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: Big three. This was mission unflushable. Now people talk about
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: cal Raley, he won the home run Derby this week.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: He's having a great year for the Mariners. But forget
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: cal Raley, Seattle's self anoided big dumper. Moxie is the
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: real deal. Moxie is the o G. She doesn't need
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: a nickname. I gave her one. She doesn't need a
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: nickname though. She is a one dog toxic spill again,
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: biological weapon.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Hello.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Now you're probably wondering. You said, hey, Ben, why did
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: this happen? How did this happen? Shouldn't Moxie have been outside?
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: Don't you have a doggy door? All good questions. So
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: we do have a doggy door. There's a problem. The
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: doggy door was for Bella, our old dog, Bella, a
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: little lap dog, very small dog, great dog. We loved Bella.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: We sometimes I call Moxy Bella. Have you ever done that?
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: When you change dogs and you don't just muscle memory,
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: you call the new dog the old dog. Is very odd.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: The dogs don't really know their name.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: They just kind of recognize the sound a little bit,
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: but they don't really know anyway. So we had a
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: doggy door put in for our dog, Bella. We got Moxie.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: The problem is, Moxie is is so fat that she
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: will not fit through the doggy door, and it's very
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: expensive to expand the doggy door, so we've chosen to
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: not do that. So we have to take Moxie out
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: when Moxie needs to go to the bathroom. Now, there's
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: a routine. Normally what happens is she's our watch dog.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: She guards the house. So when I come in from
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: the radio show in the very early mornings of the hour,
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: early morning hours, rather, I will put Moxie outside for
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: a potty break, and she's.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Potty trained, so she'll go to the bathroom, she'll do
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: her thing. I'll take her back in. Normally. Sometimes i'll
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: leave her out. I'll take her back in.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Normally she's fine. Because then I wake up. I don't
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: sleep that long. I sleep like four or five hours
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: the most. So when I get up, I put her
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: back outside. She goes to the bathroom. So me and
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: Moxie have this down.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Pat.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: We've got a system, you know, the Moxie system, and.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: It's gone pretty well.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: But the reason that this happened, to get to the why,
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: Like all great disasters, it started with good intentions. So
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: I mentioned, I get home from the radio show, I
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: leave the dog outside on this day. I decided to
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: go take a shower and kind of relax a little bit,
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: I told.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: My My wife gets home from work a.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: Little after me, so I told her, I said, listen,
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: why don't you put the dog. I'm gonna stay up
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: here in you know, I'm gonna kind of relax, try
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: to unplug my brain. And I got a lot of
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: bandwidth up here. So why don't you just let the
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: dog in when you get home? And that's that so fine.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: So my wife, my lovely, thoughtful, nurturing wife, a real
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: sweet spirit, she decided that Moxie had been a good
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: dog eat and deserved a gourmet meal. We're not talking
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: about a dog meal like kibble, We're not talking about
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: milk bone Scooby snacks as Andre gives his dog Willis. No, no, no, no,
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: We're talking chicken over here, potatoes over there, and colin
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: flower everywhere.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: That's right, cauliflower for a bulldog. Who does that? Well?
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: My wife does. But seriously, look, I wouldn't. I would
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: only eat cauliflower if you paid me, and even then
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: I would need a lot of money to do it.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: So this is a dog that does not need cauliflower
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: to stink bomb the entire home. And cauliflower it's like
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: eating fart spray. It's it's good if you want to
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: clear out your system and smell up the room.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: People talk about garlic.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: Garlic smells like a five hundred dollars bottle of perfume
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: compared to cauliflower, and it's not even close.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: So what do you think happens? Again? You know I
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: left the dog out.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: My wife said, ah, I will give Maxia a nice
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: gourmet meal, the chicken, the potato, the cauliflower, And so
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: what happened? Get to the point, please, we have a
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: very portly barrel chested English pulldog eating this satanic vegetable.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: So I can tell you what I lived it.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: She became an Oscar wild quote when life imitates art,
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Moxie became a living, breathing vomit comet. She rode the
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: vomit comment. She laid waste like Sherman through Georgia. If
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: you know your history, it was unreal there. In fact,
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure right now if you were to come
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: over to the Malor mansion, you're not invited.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: There's a crater in the kitchen.
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: Even blind Scott can see the crater like inca Terra's like,
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: I can't believe that, And I think FEMA may have
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: to assess the damage on that. So now this led
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: to what what do you think this all that? Tod Now,
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: obviously there's a major cleanup, major cleanup. Guess who got
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: to do the cleanup? That's right?
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, uh.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: And I normally don't get that affected by this type
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: of stuff. Dog's poop, humans, you know, poop, it's you know,
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: the vomit was a little much. So this led to what,
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: as they say in the mob, we had to sit down,
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: and you know, want to sit down. If you don't
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: make a compelling argument, you're not getting out alive. So
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: I had to pull the wife aside, and I had
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: to have a sit down with the wife and I
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: had to explain that we must as a as a family,
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: cut back on the artillery. We're spending way too much
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: on weaponry. We don't need to weaponize Moxie. Moxie naturally
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: has weapons. We don't need to give them more. What
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: we did is create a biological weapon that we did
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: not need to do. We did not need to do.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: And my wife, but she gave Moxie artillery. And it's
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: one thing to give Moxy a little bit of food.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: It's another thing to.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: Feed Moxie a lunch from Whole Foods, which is essentially
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: the equivalent of loading a howitzer with napalm and turning
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: it on in your own kitchen.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: That's what happened.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: And the kicker of kickers, now Moxye, who knows. They
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: don't talk, These damn dogs don't talk. But I'm going
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: to assume the position. She loved every second of it,
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: nub wagging, tongue out, proud as a peacock. She was
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: laying right next to the destruction that she had just
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: put in the mallar kitchen, and she was looking at
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: me like she had just did a walk off home
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: run to win the home run derby, which Baseball doesn't
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: want you to call home run derby the swing off,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: or win games seven in the world.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: She was not ashamed, and why should she be ashamed.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: She's a freaking English bulldog. Why would an English bulldog
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: be ashamed?
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: You wouldn't be ashamed. This is what they do. There's
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: no self control. They eat and they eat and they eat,
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: and if it tastes good, they're gonna eat. They love
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: human food. So it's kind of like you don't blame
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: the rain for being wet. You don't blame the dog
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: for doing what dogs do?
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: You know? Now, in the end, we all learned a
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: very valuable lesson.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Not every dog needs to eat like Gordon Ramsey, and
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: certainly our dog Moxie does not does not need to
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: eat like Gordon Ramsey. Sometimes sometimes they just need to eat,
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: Like let's see, how about a dog? How about a
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: dogf Yeah, and again, I know cal Raley's known as
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: the big dumper Moxie until she rides off into the
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: sunset and goes up to the pearly gates of Doggie
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: Heaven to join Bella and some of my other dogs
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: she is our big dumper. And it's taken me a
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: couple of days. This happened the other day. It has
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: taken me a couple of days to deal with this
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: in terms of the vomit, the poop, and the pee
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: that happens, Mistakes happen, the vomit, the pile of vomit
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: which you could still see pieces of the cauliflower and
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: the potato. That was hell on earth. That was absolutely
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: hell on earth. And so then you clean the kitchen.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: The other thing that happens is you have PTSD like
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: every time I go in the kitchen, now, I'm like, well,
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: that's where the vomit was. Oh, that's where the piss was.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, that's see. That's the pile of poop that
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: I'm walking through.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: We did clean it, We had cleaned. But I was thinking,
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: this could be a money making opportunity. I'm all about
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: the money making opportunity. So I was thinking, and I
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: know Danny's not here today, but this would be a
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: great idea. Tell me if I'm wrong, how about we
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: start a service Doggie Do Do Cleanup where we are
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: professional poop clean up people that we go around and
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: I would imagine our our target demo would be older
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: people that don't want to deal with dogs, that don't
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: want to clean up dog crap, or young people that
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: are too old, and we offer our services. You know,
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: send us a text, will come over, we'll clean up.
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: It's like a hazmat crew. We will clean up whatever
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: kind of crap or vomit your dog puts down, right
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: for a nomenal fee. For a nomenal fee, you can
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: have a The key is to make this a monthly thing.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: As you know in business, the key is to get
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: people to pay every month. And it's like the perfect
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: setup has been over the years of the gym.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Now what is the gym the perfect setup?
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: Ben, Well, the gym is the perfect setup, I'll tell you,
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: because you get people to pay.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: And it's like I do.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Go to the gym, not patting myself in the back.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: But I've noticed the pattern we all do. Anyone who's
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: ever been to the gym, Even if you don't go
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: anymore in December for Christmas or Honkker or whatever holiday
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: you celebrate, or if you don't celebrate holidys, just give
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: people stuff. The gym fills up in January because people
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: get that stuff in December, so it's a packed gym,
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: and then by February first, there's hardly anybody there. By
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: the Super Bowl, all the new people are pretty much gone.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: And yet those people are still paying on a monthly
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: basis automatic pay, So the gym's getting their money. They're
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: getting their cash, and the people that are paying for
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: it or not using it, not that it really seems
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: to impact the quality of the gym experience.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Like the gym near me.
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: I go to a pretty nice gym and the equipment
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: is always broken.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: There's one dude. I feel bad for the guy.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: There's one guy who's got a shirt that says maintenance
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: on it and he only works during the normal daylight
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: hours from nine to five. Stuff is breaking twenty four
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: hours a day at this gym. He's just falling apart.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: The thing of a jig's not working, the watching MC
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: call it's not right, and so all this stuff's broken,
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: and there's one dude to fix everything. And it's kind
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: of like playing whack a mole watching this guy work
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: because I see I go in there. He's always fixing something,
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: whether it's the stair climber or the treadmills are breaking,
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: or some of the weight equipment that doesn't break as often.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: So this guy will fix something over.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: To the right and then immediately over to the left
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: one of the treadmills will break.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: It does not end.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: It's like it's wild, wild and crazy, wild and crazy
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: and goofy.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: It's all that, all right, we'll get out on that note.
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: So there you go, the latest tales of my dog Moxie,
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: the original big Dumper. And we also, of course reminded
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: you what this week has been like in the world
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: of sports media, the crown jewel of sports media, the
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: All Star week.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: All right, have a wonderful rest of your Friday. We
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: will have new podcasts. Danny should join me. I think
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: you'll be with me at some point this weekend.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: But we'll have new podcasts on Saturday and Sunday as well.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: So until then, later, skater aasta pasta bye bye.
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: That's what Dick and Dayton would say, say bye bye,
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: just like that.
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: Got a murder.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: I gotta go