Latest / INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living / Job’s Advice to Husbands and Friends │ Msg 422

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Job’s Advice to Husbands and Friends │ Msg 422 · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

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Speaker 1: We are examining the story of Job in our time
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Speaker 1: together on these mornings. And if you're not familiar with
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Speaker 1: your Bible, if you go right to the center of it,
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Speaker 1: you'll find the book of Psalms. Just to the left,
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Speaker 1: just before you get to the book of Psalms, you'll
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Speaker 1: find Job. Probably the oldest book in the scriptures, to
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Speaker 1: the surprise of some people. Perhaps it was, certainly it
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Speaker 1: was as old as the days of Abraham and that
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Speaker 1: dates it among the days of the patriarchs, Job. We're
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Speaker 1: in the second chapter. I'll read for us verse 7
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Speaker 1: down to the end of the chapter, verse 13. Job 2, 7.
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Speaker 1: Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord
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Speaker 1: and smote Job with sore boils and from the sole
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Speaker 1: of his foot to the crown of his head. And
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Speaker 1: he took a potsherd to scrape himself while he was
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Speaker 1: sitting among the ashes. And his wife said to him,
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Speaker 1: do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.
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Speaker 1: But he said to her, you speak as one of
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Speaker 1: the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from
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Speaker 1: God and not accept adversity? In all this, Job did
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Speaker 1: not sin with his lips. Now, when Job's three friends
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Speaker 1: heard of all this adversity that had come upon him,
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Speaker 1: they came each one from his own place. Eliphaz the Temanite,
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Speaker 1: Bildad the Shuhite, Zophar the Naamathite, and they made an
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Speaker 1: appointment together to come to sympathize with him and comfort him.
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Speaker 1: When they lifted up their eyes at a distance, they
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Speaker 1: did not recognize him. They raised their voices and wept.
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Speaker 1: And each of them tore his robe and they threw
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Speaker 1: dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat
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Speaker 1: down on the ground with him for seven days and
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Speaker 1: seven nights, with no one speaking a word to him.
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Speaker 1: For they saw that his pain was very great. Bow
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Speaker 1: with me, please. Our Father, we place ourselves before the true,
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Speaker 1: the inspired, the preserved, the recorded Word of God. It
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Speaker 1: is a comfort to know that none of the words
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Speaker 1: need to be adjusted to fit in some way our times.
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Speaker 1: for they are for our times. Whatever has been written
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Speaker 1: in earlier times was written for our learning that we
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Speaker 1: through patience and comfort from the very scriptures might have hope.
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Speaker 1: There's no way I could know the condition of each
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Speaker 1: person here today. Some are though dressed for church and
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Speaker 1: sitting among us, are in enormous anguish of soul. For
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Speaker 1: whatever reason, others are in deep pain, some physical, some emotional,
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Speaker 1: some over conflicts at home, others at work, some without jobs,
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Speaker 1: others without a friend. But we sit together and that
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Speaker 1: is good. For we have in common the fallen nature
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Speaker 1: that grips all of us. We have all known just
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Speaker 1: this week, failure and fault. We have said things that
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Speaker 1: should not have been said. We have thought thoughts that
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Speaker 1: were alien. and we have perhaps even done that which
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Speaker 1: was wrong. We come before you, our faithful and forgiving Father,
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Speaker 1: and we lay ourselves before you and we claim with
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Speaker 1: deepest gratitude your forgiveness. We also would be vulnerable in
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Speaker 1: your presence as we admit that we come for the
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Speaker 1: benefit that we shall gain. Not that someone we brought,
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Speaker 1: not that our partner in life, not that our child
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Speaker 1: or parent might hear what's being instructed, but that we
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Speaker 1: ourselves may take it in and live it out. Deliver
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Speaker 1: us from the habits we have built over the years
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Speaker 1: of traditional church attendance. May this become a fresh encounter,
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Speaker 1: a fresh expression as our words of music and song
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Speaker 1: and praise have been. May we hear what you are saying,
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Speaker 1: our Father, and may they impact us deeply so as
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Speaker 1: to bring about change. I especially pray for those who
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Speaker 1: find themselves in a crucible today, going through a severe test,
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Speaker 1: where there does not seem to be a solution, and
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Speaker 1: now that you have them exactly where you would wish
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Speaker 1: them to be, may they be especially careful to hear
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Speaker 1: from you. And may I be especially accurate and careful
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Speaker 1: with what I say. Thank you today, our Father, for
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Speaker 1: the protection over us as a country, for our President
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Speaker 1: and his wife and family, for those Who serve alongside
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Speaker 1: his administration. Those in places within it. We pray for
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Speaker 1: those in great need in the Middle East today. Some
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Speaker 1: are friends. Most we've never met. We pray for you
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Speaker 1: to watch over that special part of this planet. We
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Speaker 1: pray for those who protect us from enemy attack. Guard
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Speaker 1: our nation, our Father. Teach us in the process of
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Speaker 1: this unusual period of time what it means to trust
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Speaker 1: and not be afraid. Now, Lord, of all things, it
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Speaker 1: is our privilege not only to give you our praise
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Speaker 1: and to give you our attention, but now to give
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Speaker 1: you our treasure. We tend to grip it tighter than
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Speaker 1: anything we own. living under the false impression that we
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Speaker 1: own it, when in fact you own it all. And
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Speaker 1: so it is our privilege to return to you what
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Speaker 1: is rightfully yours all along. Thank you for our work,
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Speaker 1: for the opportunity to earn a living. Out of it
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Speaker 1: we give generously, and we do so gratefully. And we
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Speaker 1: want you to know, our Father, that if we were
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Speaker 1: given a choice over all the choices of all the
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Speaker 1: people and all the possessions, we would rather have Jesus
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Speaker 1: than anything this world affords today. We pray in his name.
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Speaker 1: And everyone said. When you study the book of Job,
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Speaker 1: you enter into a crucible, if you will. Crucible. I
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Speaker 1: thought about that word for quite some time this past
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Speaker 1: week and did a little study on it and found
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Speaker 1: that at the core of it is a Latin term, C-R-U-X.
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Speaker 1: We have several English words that grow out of the
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Speaker 1: Latin original. The Latin term means cross, which was commonly
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Speaker 1: used in the Latin language for a place of torture.
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Speaker 1: One's cross. We still use that. The cross one must bear,
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Speaker 1: we say. Excruciating is another term that comes from it.
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Speaker 1: But crucible is on our minds as we think about
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Speaker 1: this pit of agony. Webster defines crucible a severe test.
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Speaker 1: a place or situation in which concentrated forces interact to
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Speaker 1: cause change or development. Let me do that again. A
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Speaker 1: severe test, a place or situation in which concentrated forces
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Speaker 1: interact to cause change or development. Job's crucible was brought
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Speaker 1: about by two attacks from Satan permitted by God. Round one,
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Speaker 1: he was attacked in the area of possessions, his means
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Speaker 1: of earning a living or of sustaining a lifestyle. As
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Speaker 1: you recall, he lost all of his livestock, most of
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Speaker 1: his servants, all of the cattle, all of the donkeys,
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Speaker 1: all of the means of income, and the crowning blow,
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Speaker 1: he lost all ten of his adult children and probably
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Speaker 1: himself buried them, having no longer the availability of servants.
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Speaker 1: Horrible thought. Literally burying all ten of his adult children.
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Speaker 1: Round two was the second attack, and As if the
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Speaker 1: first had not been enough, Satan was determined to see
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Speaker 1: Job or hear Job curse God, and so he attacked
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Speaker 1: him in the one area that he had left, and
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Speaker 1: that was his health. Not only did he take it
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Speaker 1: away by covering him from scalp to sole of his
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Speaker 1: feet with sore boils that oozed and cracked and turned
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Speaker 1: his skin black, and left him with a maddening itch, fever,
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Speaker 1: and a swollen condition so that he hardly resembled that
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Speaker 1: of a man any longer. The misery of that was
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Speaker 1: in the place of his health. The 19th century Scottish
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Speaker 1: divine Alexander White put it best, I think, till Christ came,
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Speaker 1: No soul was ever made such a battleground between heaven
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Speaker 1: and earth as Job's soul was made. A battleground. And remember,
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Speaker 1: we know what Job did not know. We know why
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Speaker 1: it happened and we know how it happened. He knew neither.
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Speaker 1: All he knew is one day he is the specimen
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Speaker 1: of health and strength and prosperity forever. and integrity and
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Speaker 1: blessing and a full quiver of children and happiness that
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Speaker 1: go goes along with all of that. And the next
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Speaker 1: day he's lost it all. And finally he's lost his
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Speaker 1: health and he nevertheless endures. In fact, though Job is
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Speaker 1: one of the, if not the oldest of the biblical books,
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Speaker 1: He came to be known not as the model of suffering,
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Speaker 1: but as the model of endurance. It's an important detail.
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Speaker 1: James says in James 5.11, written in the middle of
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Speaker 1: the first century, you have heard of the endurance of Job.
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Speaker 1: So Job endured the crucible. He didn't attempt to escape
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Speaker 1: from it. The only thing he had left when all
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Speaker 1: was said and done was a wife and a handful
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Speaker 1: of friends. And we know and will know again their
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Speaker 1: response to him through all of this. It was neither
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Speaker 1: comforting nor was it pleasant. But he endured. A professor
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Speaker 1: of history once said, if Columbus had turned back, no
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Speaker 1: one would have blamed him, but no one would have
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Speaker 1: remembered him either. Had Job escaped in some way, no
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Speaker 1: one would have blamed him, but we would not remember him.
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Speaker 1: We remember him because he endured death. Not only did
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Speaker 1: he endure the afflictions I've described, but he endured the
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Speaker 1: words of a grieving and bitter wife, and he also
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Speaker 1: endured the accusations of friends who took upon themselves the
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Speaker 1: role of judge and jury. If you have gone through
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Speaker 1: your own crucible, you know what it is like in
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Speaker 1: the midst of the pain of what you're going through,
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Speaker 1: on top of that, to have people turn against you.
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Speaker 1: Such pain that brings. But you know what? As a
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Speaker 1: result of enduring such pain, we become valuable as comforters
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Speaker 1: and counselors for others. I was walking the hallways of our...
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Speaker 1: Church staff offices recently, and I stopped by my son
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Speaker 1: Chuck's office, and I noticed on his desk was a
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Speaker 1: concept that he had pulled from John Eldredge's book, Wild
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Speaker 1: at Heart. The statement read, I can trust a man
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Speaker 1: only after he has become well acquainted with pain. It's
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Speaker 1: a good statement. As I recall, counsel I have received
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Speaker 1: that has been valuable for me has never come from
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Speaker 1: a novice. It's come from one who bears the scars
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Speaker 1: and the marks of some pain in his or her life.
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Speaker 1: I can trust one only after he has become well
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Speaker 1: acquainted with pain. Now then, it's because of that concept
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Speaker 1: I felt it would be wise, before jumping right away
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Speaker 1: into the dialogue between Job and his friends, I felt
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Speaker 1: it would be helpful to get some advice from Job.
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Speaker 1: We will study, and we have in our past, many
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Speaker 1: of us, studied the advice others gave to Job, but
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Speaker 1: we've not really looked at what Job's counsel might have
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Speaker 1: been to them. A man who is going through such
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Speaker 1: things and is enduring such things certainly has some things
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Speaker 1: to say that would be helpful. None of it directly understand,
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Speaker 1: but I draw these indirectly by inference from really verses
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Speaker 1: 9 through 13 of chapter 1. Last time I spoke
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Speaker 1: on some words of advice for, part of my message
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Speaker 1: was words of advice for the wives, remember? I've never
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Speaker 1: seen such blank faces in all of my preaching as
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Speaker 1: asking that, And since you don't remember, let me repeat
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Speaker 1: some words of advice for you who are wives. I
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Speaker 1: have a couple of thoughts that I'm going to repeat
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Speaker 1: here from the former message I brought in this passage. First,
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Speaker 1: always guard your words when your husband is going through
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Speaker 1: a hard time. This is not only for wives with husbands,
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Speaker 1: this is for you ladies who have men that you're
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Speaker 1: close to and you work alongside, maybe it's a colleague,
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Speaker 1: it might be someone who works under you or above you,
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Speaker 1: the point being you're close to them. Always guard your
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Speaker 1: words when that man is going through a hard time.
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Speaker 1: Men can become vulnerable and, in fact, gullible. during difficult
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Speaker 1: times and it would be regrettable if you simply dumped
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Speaker 1: out words that would not be wise, would not be
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Speaker 1: helpful in that vulnerable time he's going through. Job's wife
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Speaker 1: did that and thankfully Job did not heed her counsel.
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Speaker 1: The second, never suggest to us that we should compromise
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Speaker 1: our integrity. Don't ever go there. Even if it would
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Speaker 1: mean instant or temporary gratification or relief. Integrity is a
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Speaker 1: tough enough virtue to sustain without the temptation to compromise it.
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Speaker 1: Gauge your words, ladies, and I'm addressing this to the
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Speaker 1: ladies because, believe it, Your words do mean more than
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Speaker 1: we act like they do. And wives' words are wiser
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Speaker 1: words than we usually give you credit for. And that's
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Speaker 1: most unfortunate that we don't tell you enough. So when
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Speaker 1: you do speak, never weaken our integrity. Remember, there's nothing
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Speaker 1: more important in our character aside from a relationship with
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Speaker 1: Christ than moral and ethical integrity. Don't even come close
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Speaker 1: to signaling. that that be compromised. So I return again
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Speaker 1: to verse 9 and I want to hear some things Job,
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Speaker 1: I believe, would advise wives. And again, I've spent enough
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Speaker 1: years in my past of taking shots at Job's wife,
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Speaker 1: and I don't want to do that anymore. Remember, she
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Speaker 1: too buried ten children. She too has gone through the
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Speaker 1: grief of the loss of a lifestyle and the privileged
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Speaker 1: position of a prestigious husband, the best known in all
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Speaker 1: the East, according to chapter 1. She too has watched
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Speaker 1: him die. She has watched him shave his head and
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Speaker 1: tear his robe and sit in the city dump alongside
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Speaker 1: wild dogs fighting for food among the dung that's burned there.
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Speaker 1: She has known humiliation as well. So we give her
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Speaker 1: some slack here for responding as she does. I'm not
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Speaker 1: saying it's right. I'm saying it's understandable. In fact, her
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Speaker 1: words come from the anguish of seeing her husband like
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Speaker 1: living death, enduring this skin ulcerated condition and not being
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Speaker 1: able to help him. And she just wishes he could
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Speaker 1: be taken off the earth. Death is better than this.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes the suffering feel that. Often those with terminal illnesses
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Speaker 1: say that. So her words are in verse 9, do
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Speaker 1: you still hold fast your integrity, curse God and die?
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Speaker 1: And we said last time Satan was holding his breath,
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Speaker 1: hoping that Job would take her advice. That's exactly what
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Speaker 1: he told God that this man would do. If you
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Speaker 1: remove the hedge about him and treated him with anything
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Speaker 1: but penthouse treatment, you would see him because he follows you, God.
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Speaker 1: out of what he gets out of it rather than
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Speaker 1: a true integrity of heart. And Job does not follow
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Speaker 1: her lead here. So let me suggest four. I gave
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Speaker 1: the wives two things to remember. Please note, I'm giving
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Speaker 1: the husbands four things. Now, men, I advise you to
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Speaker 1: write them down because your wife will write them down.
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Speaker 1: And so I advise you to take note And wives,
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Speaker 1: I advise you not to remind your husbands of them, okay?
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Speaker 1: We're hearing today, and we will give heed to these things.
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Speaker 1: The first piece of advice, listen well and always tell
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Speaker 1: her the truth. Listen well and always tell her the truth.
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Speaker 1: I'm impressed that Job... heard his wife. I'm impressed that
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Speaker 1: he pondered, he considered her words, he turned them over
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Speaker 1: in his mind, he neither misunderstood nor ignored them. He
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Speaker 1: heard what she said. I found that most of us
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Speaker 1: husbands are not hard of hearing, we're hard of listening.
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Speaker 1: Our wives frequently have the most Important things to say
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Speaker 1: to us that we will hear that day, but out
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Speaker 1: of the years of experience we've had of living with them,
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Speaker 1: we tend to turn that off. We say things in
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Speaker 1: our mind like, you know, it's like rolling your eyes.
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Speaker 1: You go, oh boy, I've sat through this before and
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Speaker 1: I know where she's going here. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
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Speaker 1: Probably Job and his wife have had a few spats.
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Speaker 1: I mean, it's a marriage, isn't it? We don't have
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Speaker 1: perfect marriages. We have reasonably good marriages. It's the best
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Speaker 1: we can hope for. And wives at certain times in
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Speaker 1: our lives will have just the kernel of truth that
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Speaker 1: we need to hear. But we will miss it if
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Speaker 1: we are not careful. If we operate from habit, And
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Speaker 1: in an impatient moment, we will not pay attention. We'll
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Speaker 1: look like we are, but we're not. Let me add,
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Speaker 1: tell her the truth. Which means, if it is wise
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Speaker 1: and squares with what you know to be truth, if
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Speaker 1: it is helpful, say that. If it is not, say that.
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Speaker 1: Job said that. His response, having heard her, was, you
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Speaker 1: speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Francis Anderson writes,
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Speaker 1: she sees death as the only good remaining for Job.
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Speaker 1: He should pray to God to be allowed to die
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Speaker 1: or even curse God, an indirect way of committing suicide.
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Speaker 1: Anderson adds, whatever lay behind her words, Job rejects them.
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Speaker 1: But he does not call her wicked Merely foolish. That is,
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Speaker 1: lacking in discernment. She thinks God has treated Job badly
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Speaker 1: and deserves a curse. Job finds nothing wrong with what
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Speaker 1: has happened to him. Instead of helping the words of
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Speaker 1: his wife and his friends cause him more pain and
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Speaker 1: put him under more pressure than all the other things
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Speaker 1: that have happened to him so far. Job detected in
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Speaker 1: her a snag of bitterness, and he said to her,
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Speaker 1: this is information I will not act on. This isn't wise.
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Speaker 1: This is a foolish bit of advice, and I can't
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Speaker 1: accept it. That's truth. You say, well, good night, Chuck.
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Speaker 1: This is awfully basic. Get on to things that are deep. Well,
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Speaker 1: I'm going to risk a statement here, though I don't
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Speaker 1: have anyone in mind. I am sure that in most
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Speaker 1: marriages there are a few lies still awash that haven't
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Speaker 1: been confessed to or corrected. I find one of the
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Speaker 1: most difficult things to get couples to do is say
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Speaker 1: the truth. Admit when we've done wrong rather than skirt
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Speaker 1: it or rationalize around it or excuse it because of
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Speaker 1: Just say it. Or if the other side is necessary,
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Speaker 1: when we hear our mate say something that we know
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Speaker 1: is not good, we tend not to say the hard thing,
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Speaker 1: and we need to. You know, honey, I realize you've
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Speaker 1: got my good at heart, but I honestly have to
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Speaker 1: say I can't go there. I don't agree with that.
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Speaker 1: I think that's unwise for you to suggest that or whatever.
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Speaker 1: Time doesn't allow me to go to all the rabbit
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Speaker 1: trails with this, but you get the picture. Listen well
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Speaker 1: and always tell her the truth. Here's the second bit
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Speaker 1: of counsel for the husbands. Teach her about God. Job
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Speaker 1: did that clearly. Look at how he did it. He
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Speaker 1: asked a question. Shall we indeed accept good from God
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Speaker 1: and not accept adversity? What great theology. Sweetheart, you have
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Speaker 1: to understand that that our God is not a health
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Speaker 1: and wealth God. Our God is a sovereign Lord. He
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Speaker 1: is Lord over whatever occurs in our home, in our lives,
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Speaker 1: like I'm going through. This is no surprise to God.
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Speaker 1: For some unrevealed reason, he has permitted it. And you
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Speaker 1: need to know, honey, that while we can't explain it,
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Speaker 1: our God is sovereign over this as well. He taught
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Speaker 1: her about God. I've not met a godly woman that
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Speaker 1: I ever remember saying to me, I really am not
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Speaker 1: interested in what my husband has to say about spiritual things.
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Speaker 1: Most of them I know will say without hesitation, I'd
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Speaker 1: rather get truth from my husband than anybody I know.
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Speaker 1: And husbands, we are viewed in the New Testament, a
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Speaker 1: section says a wife should not go to a pastor,
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Speaker 1: but should go to a husband to find the answer
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Speaker 1: to her questions. I find some women have greater respect
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Speaker 1: for me, of all things, than their husbands. Now, husbands,
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Speaker 1: one of the joys of growing close in marriage is
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Speaker 1: sharing things that God's teaching you about himself. And think
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Speaker 1: of it. Here's a man covered in sore boils. In
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Speaker 1: such anguish, he can hardly sleep. And yet he's teaching
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Speaker 1: her some things about Spiritual things that she needed to learn.
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Speaker 1: I urge you men who are married to Christian ladies
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Speaker 1: and and you are growing together in your spiritual life.
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Speaker 1: Take the time to share with her some of the
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Speaker 1: things the Lord's teaching you now. how we go about
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Speaker 1: it is important, okay? Rather than, have I got some
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Speaker 1: things to set you straight on? Or, there are four
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Speaker 1: things you need to know. Just, you know, just ask
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Speaker 1: like a question. Shall we not receive good from God
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Speaker 1: and not also adversity? Do it graciously. Do it gratefully. Boy,
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Speaker 1: you give some guys freedom to do this. It's like, boom,
30:03
Speaker 1: they are in. Man, they got the gloves on. They
30:05
Speaker 1: are going to pound this into him if it's the
30:07
Speaker 1: last thing he does. Don't go there. Here's a third.
30:12
Speaker 1: Model verbal purity. In all this, Job did not sin
30:18
Speaker 1: with his lips. Model verbal purity. Because we live with
30:26
Speaker 1: our wives over the years, as we do, and because
30:28
Speaker 1: we become very, very comfortable around them, and because we
30:33
Speaker 1: become unguarded in our words, our wives usually get the
30:38
Speaker 1: brunt of our worst words. Let's agree that we will
30:44
Speaker 1: remove a verbal impurity from our lips. He did not
30:52
Speaker 1: Make a blasphemous statement. He did not curse God. He
30:55
Speaker 1: does not curse her. I loved it when Anderson wrote
30:59
Speaker 1: that he didn't call her wicked. He called her foolish.
31:02
Speaker 1: There's a lot of difference. Be careful how you talk
31:07
Speaker 1: to your wife, men. I can recall a particular pastor
31:12
Speaker 1: who at the door of the church when his wife
31:14
Speaker 1: simply said, shall we go by the restaurant or do
31:18
Speaker 1: you want to go so and so? He turned and
31:20
Speaker 1: unloaded on her. A piece of his mind he couldn't
31:23
Speaker 1: afford to lose. And I've got to tell you, she
31:28
Speaker 1: took it like a champ and my heart went out
31:30
Speaker 1: to her. We were all embarrassed as several of us
31:33
Speaker 1: witnessed this embarrassing statement made by this fairly well-known preacher.
31:40
Speaker 1: And I learned a lot about that preacher that day.
31:44
Speaker 1: I don't care how well-known or how important or how
31:47
Speaker 1: much money you make or how big your company is.
31:49
Speaker 1: You don't have the right to talk to your wife
31:52
Speaker 1: like a dog. She is your partner, she is your equal,
31:56
Speaker 1: and she knows a lot of stuff on you. She
32:06
Speaker 1: too can write the unauthorized biography and not sign it,
32:12
Speaker 1: you know. Number four, accept her completely, love her, unconditionally.
32:21
Speaker 1: Those words are all important. Put them down just like
32:25
Speaker 1: I gave them. Accept her completely. Love her unconditionally. I'll
32:32
Speaker 1: tell you, a wife thrives in that kind of context.
32:39
Speaker 1: She is who she is. God has made her into
32:41
Speaker 1: the woman she has become. She was the wife you chose.
32:47
Speaker 1: You chose. She has become the woman that God is
32:52
Speaker 1: making her into and that requires, that calls for complete
32:57
Speaker 1: acceptance and unconditional love. What it leads to in the
33:05
Speaker 1: long haul is commitment. You're there for the long haul.
33:10
Speaker 1: You're there to stay. And no amount of hardship, difficulty, test,
33:15
Speaker 1: or trial will separate you. In fact, it will pull
33:18
Speaker 1: you closer together Many a marriage is strung together by
33:23
Speaker 1: very thin, fragile threads. And tests come either from the
33:28
Speaker 1: children or a difficult birth and birth defects in a
33:33
Speaker 1: child or trials and tests in business or in the
33:37
Speaker 1: financial realm or in the emotional realm or whatever. You
33:41
Speaker 1: hang in there, guys. Hang in there. Hang in there.
33:47
Speaker 1: Hang in there. Tell her how much she means to you.
33:50
Speaker 1: Talk to her about the value she has in your life.
33:54
Speaker 1: She represents. Guys, just look for ways to get out.
34:00
Speaker 1: I've got a good friend. We've been pretty serious here,
34:04
Speaker 1: so I've got to have a little fun with you.
34:05
Speaker 1: I had a friend send me a cute story. A
34:08
Speaker 1: woman awakes in the middle of the night, and her
34:10
Speaker 1: husband's gone. He's left the bed by her, and she
34:15
Speaker 1: puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
34:19
Speaker 1: And he's sitting all by himself at a kitchen table
34:21
Speaker 1: with a hot cup of coffee, just kind of staring
34:24
Speaker 1: at the wall, blinking with tears. And she said, what's
34:29
Speaker 1: the matter, dear? She says, why are you down here
34:32
Speaker 1: at this time of night? What's going on? He looks
34:36
Speaker 1: up from the cup of coffee and he says, you
34:39
Speaker 1: remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you
34:42
Speaker 1: were only 16? She says, yeah, of course I remember.
34:47
Speaker 1: He pauses and words don't come easily. He says, remember
34:51
Speaker 1: when your father saw us in the car and we
34:54
Speaker 1: were smooching and boy, he stuck a pistol in my
34:59
Speaker 1: face and he said, any boy who kisses my daughter
35:02
Speaker 1: like that's going to marry her. Either you marry her
35:06
Speaker 1: or I'm sending you to jail for 20 years. Remember that?
35:09
Speaker 1: She said, yeah, I remember that. Wipes another tear away
35:14
Speaker 1: and he says, I would have gotten out today. That's
35:25
Speaker 1: not a good guy that'll do that. I would have
35:29
Speaker 1: gotten out today. All these years he'd been counting up
35:34
Speaker 1: to have 15. My wife, who heard this sermon the
35:44
Speaker 1: first time, said, lose the joke, okay? I am not, well,
35:50
Speaker 1: I might listen to her, but... Now, it isn't long
35:59
Speaker 1: before the word gets out to Job's friends, and we
36:03
Speaker 1: all have friends. I hope we all have a few friends.
36:06
Speaker 1: I don't think he just had three or four. I
36:08
Speaker 1: think he had a number, but these particular friends got
36:12
Speaker 1: word that Job... had come across a whole series of
36:17
Speaker 1: tragic events. I want you to stop and think about
36:21
Speaker 1: a couple or three good friends, okay? Just in your mind,
36:26
Speaker 1: name them in your mind. Okay? And let's say that
36:31
Speaker 1: all of you guys or all you gals have been together,
36:33
Speaker 1: maybe from school it started and you've been cultivating this
36:37
Speaker 1: friendship over the years. Let's say, what, I'm really hit bottom.
36:42
Speaker 1: And you got worried. And the other buddies of yours
36:45
Speaker 1: or the other gals were in the same sorority or
36:48
Speaker 1: maybe guys on the same ball team or whatever. And
36:53
Speaker 1: you all get the word that your friend is really
36:56
Speaker 1: going through it. May not make it. What are you
36:59
Speaker 1: going to do? Well, just exactly what you're thinking is
37:04
Speaker 1: what these three friends did. What's interesting is we don't
37:09
Speaker 1: know much about them. In fact, we know very little,
37:11
Speaker 1: even about where they lived originally. They're called three friends
37:17
Speaker 1: in verse 11, Job's three friends, and we're told that
37:23
Speaker 1: when they heard of all this adversity that had come
37:27
Speaker 1: upon him, they came each one from his own place
37:34
Speaker 1: and their name for us, Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar. Interesting, when
37:40
Speaker 1: you get to chapter 32, verses 2, 4, and 6,
37:45
Speaker 1: you'll read of another friend named Elihu, E-L-I-H-U. Elihu comes
37:50
Speaker 1: on the scene, but he says he's younger and he's shy.
37:54
Speaker 1: So he has allowed the unfolding. Three cycles of dialogue
38:00
Speaker 1: occur through Job from chapter 3 all the way to 32.
38:07
Speaker 1: Three cycles of dialogue occur, and Elihu stays quiet. As
38:13
Speaker 1: Eliphaz speaks and Job answers and then Bildad speaks and
38:17
Speaker 1: Job answers and then Zophar speaks and Job answers and
38:22
Speaker 1: then Eliphaz speaks again and then Bildad. And so we're
38:24
Speaker 1: going to see that a little more closely when we
38:26
Speaker 1: analyze these chapters and sort of select our journey through
38:30
Speaker 1: the book. But Elihu waits till the end. Anyway, there
38:33
Speaker 1: were altogether four, though three are mentioned here. They were
38:37
Speaker 1: probably wealthy Sikhs. who had the time and the money
38:41
Speaker 1: to leave their place of living and their businesses, if
38:46
Speaker 1: we could call it that. Maybe they had met in
38:48
Speaker 1: the business world. Maybe they were part of the enterprise
38:52
Speaker 1: that had been Job's past. We're not told. You can
38:59
Speaker 1: link some of their locations to places like Edom and
39:02
Speaker 1: northern Arabia, but you can't locate exactly where they are.
39:06
Speaker 1: These are ancient places that that scholars find debatable. So
39:10
Speaker 1: where they're from isn't important. The point is, each one
39:13
Speaker 1: came from a different place in an agreement that they
39:17
Speaker 1: would come to be with their friend. And we're told, well,
39:24
Speaker 1: we're not told, but it's implied, they spoke the same language.
39:28
Speaker 1: So they've got language in common. And they knew one another.
39:32
Speaker 1: They're called friends. And they planned a trip. Notice they,
39:36
Speaker 1: verse 11, made an appointment together to come, to sympathize,
39:42
Speaker 1: and to comfort. Always note the verbs when you're reading
39:46
Speaker 1: through the scriptures. The words of action, and they also
39:49
Speaker 1: tie in together, the movement of what's going on. They
39:54
Speaker 1: decided to come to sympathize and to comfort. They agreed together. Now,
40:00
Speaker 1: a lot of things we're going to say about these
40:04
Speaker 1: friends that would certainly be unattractive and disappointing about how
40:11
Speaker 1: things wound up, because the longer they stayed, the worse
40:14
Speaker 1: things got, and the more argumentative, and the more judgmental, etc.
40:19
Speaker 1: But You've got to commend these men for coming. So
40:24
Speaker 1: I want to say right now in the basis of
40:28
Speaker 1: the implications of verses 11 through 13, I want to
40:31
Speaker 1: give you four or five pieces of advice regarding friendships. Okay?
40:38
Speaker 1: We've talked to husbands about those three or four things.
40:41
Speaker 1: Now we're going to think about friends. And we'll click
40:45
Speaker 1: them off one by one. We're not going to. Be
40:47
Speaker 1: here till 2.30, but I realize what time it is,
40:50
Speaker 1: so let's move ahead. The first of the five, friends
40:55
Speaker 1: care enough to come without being invited to come. Friends
41:00
Speaker 1: care enough to come without being asked to come. No
41:05
Speaker 1: one sent a message saying to Eliphaz and Bildad and Zophar,
41:09
Speaker 1: would you please come and bring a little sympathy and
41:13
Speaker 1: comfort for Job? The man is dying. in this anguish,
41:17
Speaker 1: this crucible. Nope, didn't do that. They heard that he
41:22
Speaker 1: was going through it and they came. Those people you
41:26
Speaker 1: thought of a few moments ago, if you were to
41:28
Speaker 1: hear that one of them was going through a terminal
41:33
Speaker 1: battle with a disease, I have the feeling you'd connect
41:37
Speaker 1: in some way. You wouldn't wait for an invitation. Please
41:41
Speaker 1: write me a letter of encouragement or help me through this.
41:45
Speaker 1: Remember John 11 where Lazarus takes ill and Martha and Mary,
41:51
Speaker 1: the sisters, write Jesus and say, the one whom you
41:55
Speaker 1: love is sick, period. They don't even ask him to come.
42:00
Speaker 1: And when he doesn't come, which is another whole story
42:03
Speaker 1: we covered on Easter, remember, when he doesn't come, they're offended.
42:08
Speaker 1: But he could have said, you never asked me to come. Wait, wait,
42:10
Speaker 1: you don't ask a friend. If a friend of yours
42:14
Speaker 1: has a coronary and you find out they're over Presbyterian Hospital,
42:18
Speaker 1: he didn't long before you're nearby that friend of yours
42:22
Speaker 1: going through that heart attack. You don't wait for an invitation.
42:25
Speaker 1: No one's ever invited to a funeral. We say we
42:28
Speaker 1: go because we're paying our last respects. You go out
42:31
Speaker 1: of respect. So these men love Job. Friends care enough
42:37
Speaker 1: to come without being asked to come. Here's the second.
42:41
Speaker 1: Friends respond with sympathy and comfort. Friends respond with sympathy
42:47
Speaker 1: and comfort. Sympathy includes identifying with the sufferer. Friends do that.
42:57
Speaker 1: Entering into his or her crucible for the purpose of
43:02
Speaker 1: feeling the anguish and the pain. Comfort is attempting to
43:08
Speaker 1: ease the pain by helping any way to make the
43:12
Speaker 1: sorrow lighter. You run errands for them, you take care
43:16
Speaker 1: of the kids, you provide a meal, you assist wherever
43:22
Speaker 1: you need to assist because you want to comfort them.
43:26
Speaker 1: One man writes, on learning of Job's affliction, three beloved
43:29
Speaker 1: friends agreed together to travel to Uz in order to
43:33
Speaker 1: console Job. The term for friends has a wide range
43:37
Speaker 1: of meanings, including intimate counselor, close friend, party in a
43:41
Speaker 1: legal dispute. Friends often solemnize their relationship with a covenant,
43:47
Speaker 1: promising to care for each other under all kinds of circumstances.
43:51
Speaker 1: The relationship between Job and his three friends gives every
43:54
Speaker 1: evidence of being based on a covenant. Isn't that intriguing?
44:00
Speaker 1: Maybe while you were in school, you sort of had
44:02
Speaker 1: a pact with each other. You guys got close, you
44:06
Speaker 1: said to each other, But no matter what, wherever we
44:08
Speaker 1: find ourselves in the future, we want each of you
44:11
Speaker 1: to know we're going to be there, especially when you're
44:14
Speaker 1: in need. When I was going through seminary, there were
44:16
Speaker 1: two guys that I studied with for every major exam,
44:19
Speaker 1: and we were inseparable when test time came. To this day,
44:24
Speaker 1: they play a special part in Cynthia's and my mind.
44:27
Speaker 1: Both of them happen to have been single. I was married.
44:30
Speaker 1: They would come to our place. We'd have coffee, we'd
44:33
Speaker 1: have a light meal or whatever. We'd study into the
44:35
Speaker 1: night to bone up for the exam together. And it
44:38
Speaker 1: was kind of like a pact among us to stay close.
44:42
Speaker 1: We never wrote it out, but it's true. Now these
44:47
Speaker 1: men had that kind of closeness and they came to
44:50
Speaker 1: give sympathy and comfort. Here's a third. Friends openly express
44:56
Speaker 1: the depth of their feelings. Friends openly express the depth
45:02
Speaker 1: of their feelings. Friends do that, don't they? It's not
45:07
Speaker 1: uncommon to see a friend standing nearby in the room
45:11
Speaker 1: fighting back the tears. It's not uncommon for the friend
45:17
Speaker 1: to express his or her feelings. Acquaintances don't do that.
45:23
Speaker 1: A nurse who comes to take care of you in
45:24
Speaker 1: the hospital, I mean, is she going to say, how
45:27
Speaker 1: are you really? Tell me, I want to feel deeply
45:32
Speaker 1: with you. Are you kidding? She says, bend over, you know,
45:37
Speaker 1: or whatever. She wakes you up to see if you're asleep.
45:43
Speaker 1: Gives you a shot, you know. Okay, time for another one.
45:48
Speaker 1: You know, it's not a close friend that will do that.
45:53
Speaker 1: Friends don't give each other shots, you know. They were
45:57
Speaker 1: aghast when they saw what they saw. They didn't even
46:00
Speaker 1: recognize him. They probably went to the homestead where they
46:03
Speaker 1: had been before, and the place didn't even look the same.
46:06
Speaker 1: Everything is destroyed. There's not even a kid that can
46:10
Speaker 1: only see the grave sites. And somebody nearby says, oh, Job,
46:14
Speaker 1: he left some time ago. I think he's at the
46:16
Speaker 1: city dump. And they breathed deeply, and they went down there,
46:23
Speaker 1: and before they ever got there, They got close enough
46:25
Speaker 1: to see him and he has no hair and his
46:28
Speaker 1: robe is torn and he's sitting there with dung burning
46:32
Speaker 1: near him and dogs nearby and the garbage around. And
46:38
Speaker 1: they wept. They wept. Man, look at this. And it
46:47
Speaker 1: says they threw dust over their heads toward the sky,
46:50
Speaker 1: an ancient expression of grief. That means they were down
46:56
Speaker 1: near the dust. In fact, it says they sat down
47:00
Speaker 1: on the ground. Verse 13. It's what friends do. Don't
47:05
Speaker 1: worry about getting dirty or bloody. They don't worry about
47:08
Speaker 1: the mess. Which brings me to my fourth. Friends aren't
47:13
Speaker 1: turned off by distasteful sights. Rather, they come alongside and
47:20
Speaker 1: they stay as long as is appropriate. You're not turned
47:26
Speaker 1: off because the room doesn't smell good. You're not turned
47:30
Speaker 1: off because your friend weighs half of what he used
47:32
Speaker 1: to weigh. You see beyond all of that. You're not
47:37
Speaker 1: turned off because they're laying there in a hospital gown
47:40
Speaker 1: or because the bottom is dropped out of their life
47:43
Speaker 1: and they're at wit's end. That doesn't turn you off
47:48
Speaker 1: and make you turn around and leave. That draws you in.
47:51
Speaker 2: These guys.
47:55
Speaker 1: raised their voices and sat down on the ground with him.
48:04
Speaker 1: They demonstrated their anguish and they stayed seven days and
48:11
Speaker 1: seven nights without a word. Fifth, friends understand so they
48:19
Speaker 1: say very little. I love the way Warren Wiersbe treats this.
48:27
Speaker 1: The best way to help people who are hurting is
48:29
Speaker 1: just to be with them, saying little or nothing, letting
48:32
Speaker 1: them know you care. Don't try to explain everything. Now listen,
48:37
Speaker 1: explanations never heal a broken heart. If his friends had
48:42
Speaker 1: listened to him, accepted his feelings, and not argued with him,
48:45
Speaker 1: they would have helped greatly. But they chose to be
48:48
Speaker 1: prosecuting attorneys instead of witnesses. Let me tell you about
48:52
Speaker 1: a really good friend. The good friend doesn't attempt to
48:58
Speaker 1: give you God's message. And certainly doesn't preach. They know that...
49:08
Speaker 1: I read it this week. Yeah, I got it. They
49:14
Speaker 1: know the value of suffering presence. Not a good way
49:17
Speaker 1: to put it. I read that. That's not mine. Suffering. presence.
49:22
Speaker 1: You look up and you look into the eyes of
49:24
Speaker 1: somebody you've known over the years and their eyes reflect compassion.
49:32
Speaker 1: There's no judgment. They're just there. And they don't stay
49:37
Speaker 1: too long. You know who drives you crazy? The guy
49:40
Speaker 1: that comes in with a big, fat Bible. And he's
49:44
Speaker 1: got notes in it. And he's going to read to
49:47
Speaker 1: you these chapters. And then he's going to teach you.
49:56
Speaker 1: And you're laying there, you know, barely able to belch.
50:02
Speaker 1: And he's reading from 2 Chronicles. 13 to 27, you know. Furthermore, there's,
50:12
Speaker 1: and then God taught me this when I was struggling
50:15
Speaker 1: with measles back when I was 12. You know, please.
50:25
Speaker 1: Don't stay too long. These guys stayed because they had
50:31
Speaker 1: every reason to be near him. The kind of anguish
50:33
Speaker 1: this man's going, he may have died any moment for
50:35
Speaker 1: all they knew. But they didn't stay and preach. They
50:38
Speaker 1: stayed with their lips sealed. One of my friends toward
50:45
Speaker 1: the latter part of his life, a man named Joe Bailey, B-A-Y-L-Y,
50:51
Speaker 1: fellow author. I loved Joe because of his realism. I
50:55
Speaker 1: loved it that he was never interested in impressing people.
50:59
Speaker 1: If you ever read Bailey, you know Psalms of My
51:02
Speaker 1: Life is just a profound book that Joe left in
51:05
Speaker 1: his legacy and He and Mary Lou, his wife, had
51:08
Speaker 1: a house full of kids, but they lost three. Three.
51:12
Speaker 1: They lost one at 18 days following surgery. They lost
51:17
Speaker 1: one at five because of leukemia. And they lost one
51:21
Speaker 1: at 18 years after a sledding accident because of a hemophilia.
51:26
Speaker 1: He had mild hemophilia. Three. Three at different times. Joe
51:36
Speaker 1: writes in a wonderful book, The View from a Hearse,
51:40
Speaker 1: which has been changed in title to The Last Thing
51:42
Speaker 1: We Talk About. He wrote this. This is so good.
51:47
Speaker 1: I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked
51:52
Speaker 1: to me of God, of God's dealings, of why it happened,
51:56
Speaker 1: of hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly. He said
52:00
Speaker 1: things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except I wished...
52:04
Speaker 1: I wish he'd go away. He finally did. Another came
52:11
Speaker 1: and sat beside me. He didn't talk. He didn't ask
52:16
Speaker 1: leading questions. He just sat beside me an hour or more,
52:24
Speaker 1: listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left.
52:30
Speaker 1: I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see
52:34
Speaker 1: him go. You've done it right when they hate to
52:39
Speaker 1: see you go. They'll usually not tell you, but you'll
52:43
Speaker 1: know when it's time to leave. Let me tell you,
52:48
Speaker 1: you come up alongside a Job, don't even think of saying,
52:55
Speaker 1: I know how you feel. You don't. You can hardly imagine,
53:03
Speaker 1: nor can I. But your suffering presence will be like
53:10
Speaker 1: a bomb around them. And I'll never forget it. Would
53:17
Speaker 1: to God these dear guys had just never started talking.
53:24
Speaker 1: It messed everything up. Let's bow together. Interesting, after all
53:32
Speaker 1: these years of Walking with and knowing the Lord, we've
53:35
Speaker 1: never heard him say a word. Talk about a model
53:40
Speaker 1: of appropriate silence. Oh, he's talked to us in his word,
53:47
Speaker 1: for sure. But he hasn't filled the air with verbiage.
53:56
Speaker 1: He's just been a comforting presence. He understands fully. He
54:03
Speaker 1: lost his son too, remember? Oh, he didn't lose him,
54:08
Speaker 1: just that we killed him. And he died for those
54:12
Speaker 1: who drove spikes in his hands and feet. The Lord
54:19
Speaker 1: Jesus even said, as he hung there, Father, forgive them.
54:25
Speaker 1: They don't even know what they're doing. If you've never
54:30
Speaker 1: met the Lord Jesus, You're really missing out on the
54:35
Speaker 1: best part of life. I would plead with you to
54:40
Speaker 1: put that off no longer. Just come to him today.
54:47
Speaker 1: Just come like you are. Don't try to get cleaned up.
54:54
Speaker 1: Just come like you are. That is in fact the
54:59
Speaker 1: only way he'll accept you. Just like you are. Thanks
55:05
Speaker 1: for being so good to us, our Father. Though there
55:09
Speaker 1: have been times of our lives we really weren't very
55:11
Speaker 1: good to you. We ran from you when you were
55:14
Speaker 1: seeking us. We rejected you when you reached out. We
55:21
Speaker 1: resented you when you didn't relieve the pressure or answer
55:24
Speaker 1: yes to our pleadings. Some may have even cursed you.
55:31
Speaker 1: But because you are faithful and consistent, God, you have
55:33
Speaker 1: never stopped loving us unconditionally. Thank you for that. We pray, Lord,
55:39
Speaker 1: that you will use these words in a very special
55:42
Speaker 1: way in the lives especially of husbands and the lives
55:46
Speaker 1: of friends. I pray, Father, that the deeper we get
55:51
Speaker 1: into this book, the deeper will be our walk with you. Now, Lord,
55:56
Speaker 1: whatever this week may hold, I pray that we will
55:59
Speaker 1: have learned some truths That will go with us. And
56:04
Speaker 1: stay near us. And become a part of us. For
56:09
Speaker 1: these truths. Are eternal. Thank you for them. Dismiss us
56:17
Speaker 1: now with the hope. Of sins forgiven. And life rearranged.
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Speaker 1: Because we've spent time with you. In the lovely name
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Speaker 1: of Jesus. And everyone said. Amen.
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Speaker 2: The preceding message, Job's Advice to Husbands and Friends, was
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Speaker 2: copyrighted in 2002 and the sound recording was copyrighted in
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Speaker 2: 2004 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved worldwide.
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Speaker 2: In the preceding message, Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. is grateful
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Speaker 2: to the following sources for permission to quote from their materials.
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Speaker 2: InterVarsity Press for excerpts from the Tyndale Old Testament commentary
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Speaker 2: on Job. Copyrighted in 1976 by Frances I. Anderson. Mary
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Speaker 2: Lou Bailey for the excerpt from her late husband Joe
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Speaker 2: Bailey's book, The Last Thing We Talk About. Available through
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Speaker 2: Victor Books under the title Voice in the Wilderness, The
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Speaker 2: Best of Joe Bailey. William B. Ertzman Publishing Company for
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Speaker 2: excerpts from the book, The Book of Job. Copyrighted in
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Speaker 2: 1988 by John E.
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Speaker 1: Hartley.
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Speaker 2: And Cook Communications Ministries for excerpts from the book, Be Patient.
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Speaker 2: Waiting on God in Difficult Times, copyrighted in 1991 by
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Speaker 2: Warren Wiersbe.