Latest / Girl in the Game / Don’t Let “No” Define You

Transcript

Don’t Let “No” Define You · Girl in the Game

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Are you building a career, growing a business, or searching for your next big opportunity?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Then this podcast is for you.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: So here's the girl in the game herself, your host, Gail Dickey.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, I'm Gail Dickey and welcome back to Girl in the Game.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: If this is your first time here, welcome.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad you found us.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you like what you hear, subscribe and give us a like and tell a friend and come back because we're just getting started.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: This show is about you, how you navigate your game, recognize opportunities, handle pivots, curves, and maybe see things a little differently.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about a two-letter word that has probably stopped more careers, ideas, companies, relationships, and dreams than almost anything else.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: The two-letter word?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, we don't want it.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're not ready.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, we went with somebody else.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, we don't have the budget.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, you just don't have enough experience.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And for some of us later in our careers, no, you're you're overqualified, which is sometimes a very polite way of saying something else entirely.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the problem with no.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: We don't just hear the answer, we turn it into a story.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: They said no to the idea and we hear I'm not smart enough.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't hire us and we hear I'm not good enough.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't fund the company and we hear I'm a failure.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't call us back and suddenly we're questioning our value.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Stop.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: A no is an answer to a particular question from a particular person at a particular moment in time.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: It is not a verdict on your life.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And learning that distinction can really change your career.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So here's 10 rules.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number one, no is data.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: This took me time to learn.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: When somebody says no, get curious.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Was it the idea, the timing, the price, the presentation, the person?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Did they understand what you were offering?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Were you talking to the actual decision maker?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Did they already have another solution?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Was there something happening inside that company that you knew nothing about?
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes no has almost nothing to do with you.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Companies freeze budgets, leadership changes, strategies change, people get fired, deals get canceled, a competitor walks in with something different, and you're sitting there thinking, What did I do wrong?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe nothing.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Don't personalize what you haven't investigated.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number two, ask the second question.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody tells you no and the relationship allows it, ask, what would have needed to be different for this to be a yes?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's a really incredible question when you think about it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because now you're learning.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they'll say, Well, we needed somebody with international experience.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now you know we couldn't justify the price.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's good information.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: We loved you, but the role changed.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: That matters.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe they'll tell you something you don't particularly want to hear.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your presentation just wasn't clear.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't have enough data.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: You talked too much.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't prepared.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Listen anyway, feedback can sting, but useful feedback is expensive.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes somebody just handed it to you for free.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number three: don't let one gatekeeper become the whole world.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is huge.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: One person says no, and suddenly we decide nobody wants this.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: You asked one person.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've worked in TV and entertainment and games long enough to know that one executive can pass on something that another executive thinks is brilliant.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: One network passes, another one buys.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: One investor doesn't see it, another does.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: One employer thinks your background is wrong, and another thinks it's exactly why they need you.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Taste is subjective.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: So is timing.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So is risk tolerance.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And people are subjective.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So don't hand one human being the authority to define your future.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have it unless you give it to them.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number four sometimes no means not yet.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Timing is one of the most underestimated parts of success.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can have the right idea at the wrong time.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You can meet the right person when they don't have the budget.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can pitch the right company when they're focused on something else.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can be ready for a job that doesn't exist yet.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Then six months later, everything changes.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Technology changes, leadership changes, the market changes.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly the thing they didn't need, they desperately need.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So when appropriate, stay in touch.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, don't stalk them and don't send them 47 follow-up emails.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: But don't assume a closed door is permanently welded shut.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it isn't locked.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not open today.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number five, sometimes Noah's protection.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know this sounds like something people say after everything works out, but I've been around long enough to know it's true.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: There are deals I desperately wanted that I'm now very glad didn't happen.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: People I wanted to work with who would have been very wrong for me.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: You don't always know what a yes would have cost you.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Time, money, freedom, your reputation, your sanity.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the no that devastated you was actually redirecting you.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: You won't always know immediately.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you don't understand it until years later.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number six: separate your identity from your outcome.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is probably the deepest part of this conversation.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: You are not your job, your title, your company.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're certainly not your last deal, and you're not your salary.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: You're not the number of followers you have, you're not definitely not somebody else's opinion of you.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the things happening around you.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: They're not you.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is where self-awareness matters because if all your value comes from outside validation, every no becomes an earthquake.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: But if you understand who you are, what you know, what you've survived, what you're learning, and what you bring to the table, no can disappoint you without destroying you.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge difference.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number seven don't make yourself smaller to get a yes.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is particularly important for women, although men do it too.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: You get rejected and you immediately start shaving pieces off yourself.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I should ask for less.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I shouldn't be so ambitious.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I shouldn't say what I really think.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I shouldn't make myself easier, less experienced, less direct, less expensive, less me.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now, should you adapt?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Should you learn?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Should you improve your pitch?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Always.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: But don't confuse growth with shrinking.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need every room to want you.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: You need the right rooms to understand your value.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: So rule number eight, recovery speed matters.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to be disappointed.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if something I really want falls apart, I'm not sitting there saying, oh, wonderful, what a learning opportunity.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Come on.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm mad.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm disappointed.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I may say a few words I can't use on this podcast, but then what's next?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's the skill.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: How quickly can you get yourself back into motion?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: A day, a week, six months?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: The faster you can turn disappointment into information and information into action, the more dangerous you become in a good way.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because now rejection can't stop you.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: It can only redirect you.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number nine, keep enough things moving that one no doesn't own you.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is practical.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Don't build your entire future around one opportunity, one job, client, investor, one relationship, one deal.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: When possible, keep multiple conversations going.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're unfocused, because options create perspective.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you believe this is the only job you'll ever get, you're terrified.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: If it's one of five possibilities you're exploring, you negotiate differently.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: You think differently, you show up differently.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Desperation has an energy.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: So does possibility.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And rule number 10: sometimes the answer should be your no.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: We're so focused on getting chosen that we forget we get to choose too.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is this company right for you?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Is this boss someone you want to work for?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is this partnership aligned with your values?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is the money worth it?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Does this opportunity actually move you where you want to go?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: A yes isn't automatically a win.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Part of becoming good at the game is learning when you should say no.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, not this, not now, not for that price, not under those conditions.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's power too.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your girl in the game challenge.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Think about one no you're still carrying a job, a deal, a relationship, an investor, a school, a promotion, something somebody said about you that somehow became part of how you see yourself.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now ask yourself, what are the facts?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And what was the story I added to those facts?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Separate them.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Then ask, what did that note teach me?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: What did it redirect me toward?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And what's one move I can make now that I couldn't see when I was busy feeling rejected?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's what I've learned: success isn't a life without rejection.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's a life where rejection doesn't get the final vote.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: You do.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, think about this.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Rejection is just information.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: What you do next changes the game.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Gail Dickey.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is Girl in the Game.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so hear the no.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Learn from it.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Change what needs changing, and then get back in the game.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if this one hits home, subscribe, give it a like, and send it to someone who might need to hear a no a little differently today.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you see the game differently, you play the game differently.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: So that's it for today's episode of Girl in the Game.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will be entered in the grand prize drawing to win a chance for a private VIP day with Gail Dicky herself.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to head on over to girlinthegame.com to pick up a free copy of Gail's gift.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: Submit your question for Ask Gail.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: Then join us on the next episode.