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Do narcissists always have a BACKUP Plan? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on? Beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be answering the question.
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  Do all narcissists always have a backup plan?
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  Do they have somebody on deck just in case you decide to
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  bounce? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back, welcome
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  back, welcome back. This is the question of the day,
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  isn't it? Like do narcissists have a
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  backup plan? Lee, you better bring it hot.
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  You better come in hot and heavy.
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  I know we know you talk. We know you always talk about
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  hot and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  But today we need hot and heavy with a little splash of no, but
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  seriously, before we happen in today's episode, y'all make sure
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  if you haven't already to check out my kids book.
• 1:01
  It's called Remember, it's not your fault.
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  It's available on Amazon. Check it out right here.
• 1:06
  It's available on Amazon helps you be have a conversation
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  started with your kids about ties with relationship dynamics.
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  You know, growing up with taxes, households, setting boundaries,
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  all the other good stuff and bad stuff.
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  But yeah, the narcissist always have a back up plan.
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  I'm gonna say this right here, but you got to stay.
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  No, not every narcissist has a backup plan.
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  Believe they all. I hear every narcissist cheats.
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  I hear every narcissist does this.
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  I hear they always got a new supply.
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  Yeah, not every narcissist has the same they don't.
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  And not every narcissist has the ability to cheat.
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  You know what I'm saying? I don't think every single
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  narcissist on this planet is a is a just out and bout cheater.
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  They just going to hear clapping cheek, clapping everybody's
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  cheeks around and doing all that other stuff.
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  I don't I just don't think that's possible.
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  You know what I mean? I don't because one thing I
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  don't ever speak or I try not to speak in absolutes.
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  I don't try to say every narcissist does this or every
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  narcissist doesn't do this. Like there are some narcissist
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  that don't cheat. With that being said, not all of
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  them have a backup plan. Not all of them have somebody
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  that's waiting in the wings just in case a breakup happens.
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  Not every single narcissist has that believe.
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  How do you how do you know that not every single one of them has
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  it? Because look how they act when
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  the relationship ends. Look how things go downhill.
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  Look how look how the relationship breaks.
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  Look how things happen when the relationship ends.
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  I know I've said this before that even if they do have
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  someone, it doesn't mean that they will leave you alone.
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  But when they don't have someone, narcissists don't like
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  to be by themselves. So when they if they don't have
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  someone, that's when they really lose their damn minds.
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  So if they don't have a backup plan and you decide to take your
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  ball to go home or pack up and leave or pack up and whatever
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  the saying is right, if you that's it.
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  If you decide to leave them and it's unexpected, like they're
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  not anticipating that you leaving, like they think all
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  everything is hunky Dory because you you've never left before.
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  Or if you have left and you don't come back, they and you,
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  like I said, and they they get shocked.
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  They don't want to be by themselves.
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  And they also damn sure, damn certainly don't want you to be
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  with anybody else. That's one of the that's one of
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  these certainties right there. They do not want you to be with
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  somebody else. Believe when we broke up, they
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  told me they wished me the best. They do not want you to be with
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  somebody else. Believe what they do not.
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  It's a Centaur want you seriously.
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  Narcissistic people are self self-serving.
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  They want to, they are out to serve themselves right?
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  They're trying to get their own meet, meet their own, get their
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  own needs met at the expense of other people, right?
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  I think we can all agree that most narcissists fall into that
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  category. With that being said, not every
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  single narcissist is going to be the same way.
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  Not all of them work the same way.
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  Some of them are like these have this high and mighty dynamic
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  high and mighty mindset that because they don't cheat, that
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  they are better than everybody else.
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  They think they are better than everybody else.
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  They, some of them think that they are above stepping outside
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  of their relationship. Some of them think that they are
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  above doing that type of stuff so they don't cheat.
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  So with them not cheating, guess what happens?
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  They don't have a back up plan. So guess what happens when you
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  get fed up and leave? They lose their damn minds.
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  Look at their reaction. A lot of times their reactions
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  will tell you everything, will tell you everything that you
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  need to know about them. So I said some of them just they
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  they don't ever think you're going to leave.
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  I well, Lee, they got shocked when I, when I, when they came,
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  when they came home, my stuff was gone.
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  They got shocked then. They knew then.
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  Yeah, they knew then. But that's only because they
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  knew. That's only because you were
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  gone. They probably didn't believe the
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  threats. The crazy about it is they
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  probably threatened to leave you a couple times.
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  They probably threatened to leave you a couple times.
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  You know, they probably threatened to leave you a few
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  times just to try to mess with your head, just to get out of
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  hurt your feelings. They probably decided they
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  probably, well, if you don't want to be here, then just leave
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  and you didn't leave or if you did leave, you came back.
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  So they always think that no matter what they're going to do,
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  you're going to stay here, especially if y'all have kids,
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  especially if they feel like you're more trapped, especially
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  if they feel like you're more trapped than not.
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  This is what happens, right? This is what happens.
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  They don't think you're going to leave, so they don't.
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  If they don't have a backup plan, they will lose their damn
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  minds. They try to get you back, but
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  here's the caveat. If you leave them, right?
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  Let's say you do leave. Let's say you do decide to
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  leave. You do decide to bounce, right?
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  And you, like I said, you do decide to bounce and you do come
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  back to them. They don't trust that you're
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  going to stay again, right? If you left for a long time, you
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  if this time that you left, you didn't come back for a few
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  months like every other time you left, you came back a couple
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  days, a week or so. This time you've been gone for a
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  few months. They don't trust you no more.
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  So they always think you're going to leave.
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  So now because you've left before, now they will go out and
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  try to seek a new. They will go out and try to find
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  a backup plan. Now they will no matter.
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  But they fought hard as hell to get me to come home.
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  So they don't mean that they're not going to try to find a
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  backup plan. So sometimes they fight hard.
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  Sometimes they fight to get you to come back home just so they
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  can treat you terribly. That's the mindset.
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  That's the craziness that it falls into and whatnot.
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  Y'all that that really is the craziness, the insanity that so
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  many people fall into and watch that.
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  I really feel like narcissistic people lose their minds like
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  when you decide to like, but some of them do have a like a
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  plan. It's like some narcissists, they
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  like their behaviors might change when they have a backup
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  plan, when they have a new supply or they're having an
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  affair, their their behaviors might very well change.
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  But not every single narcissist behavior is going to change,
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  right? Not every single narcissist are
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  going to change their behaviors or do something like that or do
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  it like I said, or some of them will behave the exact same way.
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  Some of them won't show you any type of behavior alteration.
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  Some of them will treat you like this is a crazy thing.
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  Some narcissists will be in a better mood when they're
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  cheating on you. It's crazy because like some of
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  some of it is the guilt that they that is stored up in there.
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  It's like, damn, I feel bad for cheating.
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  I can do something for my partner.
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  I got to do something for my spouse.
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  I got to be nice to them because there's this guilt in their
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  heads and that's how they process the guilt and it's crazy
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  how they process the guilt. They'll do a nice deed for you.
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  They'll do a good deed for you right after doing something,
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  after cheating on you, they'll do a good deed for you.
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  And in their minds that justifies it.
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  In their minds, it's just like, I did it, I made it, I made-up,
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  of course. So it's good.
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  They accept, They accepted my gift.
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  I'm back in there. Yes.
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  So some of them absolutely they'll do have backup plans,
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  but their behaviors may or may not shift just because they have
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  a, a way out, you know, not a way out.
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  Just because they have somebody on the side doesn't mean that
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  their behaviors will shift at all.
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  So it's like sometimes you have to like, sometimes you have to
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  just keep moving forward. Sometimes you have to fight
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  through the BS and the pain and the hurt and the crying and the
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  tears. Sometimes you have to fight
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  through the type of stuff y'all and not go back to them.
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  Like especially if they if you get if you catch them with a
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  backup plan, they will always have a backup plan.
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  You see what I'm saying? Just because they get rid of
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  them for a little while doesn't mean that they'll get rid of
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  them long term. And I'll say this as well
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  because this is this happens too.
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  Some of y'all are the back up plan and you're dealing with a
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  narcissist that lied about being married or lied about being in a
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  relationship, but you're still there hoping that they'll leave
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  their partner, hoping that they'll y'all somehow end up
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  together. Right?
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  If you like y'all have heard this before.
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  They don't trust you. Like if you like, even if they
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  lied to you about being married or being in a relationship,
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  right? Even if they lied to you about
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  that. But now you know the truth.
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  Somehow you found out that they are married or in a relationship
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  and you're the side piece, the side dude, side chick or
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  whatever. Even if you if, even if they
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  didn't tell you up front and you find out about it, you still
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  continue to mess with them. They don't trust you.
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  So if somehow y'all were to end up together down the road, they
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  will find they will start cheating on you because they
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  don't trust you. They don't trust you no more.
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  They look at you like you. They like.
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  Yeah. Damn, you knew I was married and
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  you were still cheating with me. Wow.
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  That means you're a cheater. Even though they were cheating
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  with them, they were the ones cheating.
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  You see what I'm saying? Damn, you were.
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  Damn, I'm a cheater now. So I definitely have to cheat
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  before you cheat on me. I know you have it in you to
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  cheat. So I know you're going to cheat.
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  You cheated with me. So I thought you're going to
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  cheat on me, so I'm going to cheat on you.
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  So if you are the backup plan, if you are the side piece, don't
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  get your like I know you get you someday.
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  Y'all get into your heads that they, the narcissist is
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  definitely unhappy and they really want to be with you.
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  They care. They somehow they care more
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  about you than they do their own wife or husband and their own
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  children. Y'all you going to be in for a
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  rude awakening because guess what, Y'all heard the saying
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  before like if you were a side piece and you become the main
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  piece, your, your space, your place is open.
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  Your spot is now open. So if you are the backup plan
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  and you become the, the, the, what's that the, the, the
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  original? You go from backup plan to the
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  main plan. They need another backup plan or
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  multiple backup plans and they'll tell you.
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  You knew who I was when I met you, and I knew who you were
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  when I met you, when you met me. Even though you might not have
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  known that I was married at first, when you did find out,
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  you didn't leave me alone. So now you are cheating.
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  Now you are a cheater. That's the mind of a narcissist.
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  So they will not trust you. So they'll start cheating on you
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  and treating you badly. And this is the crazy thing
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  about it. They'll blame you for breaking
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  their family up even though they were cheating with you and
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  somehow their spouse found out. Even if you didn't tell their
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  spouse or their relationship partner or whatever.
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  And their spouse leaves them or their partner leaves them.
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  They will blame you for being on the side, even though they they
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  they are the ones that put you there.
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  I know it's crazy. I know there's a lot of
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  information to take in. And I appreciate y'all battling
• 11:14
  with me through this. If you haven't already, make
• 11:16
  sure you subscribe to the channel.
• 11:17
  We're closing in on half a million.
• 11:19
  It's like half the people who watch the videos are not
• 11:21
  subscribed. And I had a young lady in the
• 11:23
  comment section. It's like, Lee, I don't have a
• 11:24
  YouTube account, but I'll make sure to come over here and
• 11:26
  follow you. I come over here and watch the
• 11:27
  video. I just don't have a YouTube
• 11:28
  account. I even appreciate that.
• 11:31
  I appreciate that. But if you want to leave a
• 11:33
  comment, yeah, it's like, get an account.
• 11:34
  It's quick Google anyways y'all I appreciate y'all so much Thank
• 11:40
  you so much. Mental illness is out.
• 11:43
  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 11:44
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 11:47
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• 11:49
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• 11:50
  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 11:53
  another video or to browse to another playlist.
• 11:55
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• 11:57
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• 12:00
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 12:02
  I will see you in the next video.
• 12:03
  Peace.