Latest / Rock My Finances / Live Your Diamond Life: Authentic Q&A for Women — Chapter 3: Love & Money

Transcript

Live Your Diamond Life: Authentic Q&A for Women — Chapter 3: Love & Money · Rock My Finances

0:00
Speaker 1: Investment advisory and financial planning services are offered through Simplicity
0:03
Speaker 1: Wealth LLC and SEC Registered Investment Advisor. SEC registration does
0:08
Speaker 1: not constitute nor endoorse of the firm known. Does it
0:11
Speaker 1: indicate that the advisor has attained a particular level of
0:14
Speaker 1: skill nor ability.
0:16
Speaker 2: Investing involves risk of loss.
0:18
Speaker 1: Insurance, consulting and education services offered through Diamond Life Planning
0:22
Speaker 1: is a separate and unaffiliated entity from Simplicity Wealth. This
0:25
Speaker 1: information is provided as a general information as not intended
0:28
Speaker 1: to be specific financial guidance.
0:30
Speaker 2: Before you make.
0:31
Speaker 1: Any decisions regarding your personal financial situation, you should consult
0:34
Speaker 1: a financial or tax professional to discuss your individual circumstances
0:38
Speaker 1: and objective.
0:39
Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances Show on k FORHD
0:43
Speaker 3: Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
0:46
Speaker 3: in finance joint powerhouse Jeffer Jos CDFA CMC and Private
0:52
Speaker 3: Wealth Advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
0:56
Speaker 3: control and confidence with your money, your web. It's not
1:00
Speaker 3: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
1:03
Speaker 3: find out now. Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
1:08
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Rock My Finances. Today is our wonderful
1:12
Speaker 1: series called Live Your Diamond Life Authentic Q and A
1:15
Speaker 1: for women. This is chapter three, Love and Money. I mean,
1:19
Speaker 1: can we get any better than that? We all want
1:21
Speaker 1: love and we all want money. So this is great
1:24
Speaker 1: after all the decades that I've been meeting with people
1:26
Speaker 1: and chatting with ladies and uplifting them and shifting them
1:30
Speaker 1: to step into their wealth, retire early, feel worthy of wealth,
1:35
Speaker 1: become women who they truly really want to step into
1:38
Speaker 1: and live the lifestyle they want to. These are some
1:40
Speaker 1: of the questions that I've received over the years. So
1:43
Speaker 1: first one, how early in a relationship should we start
1:46
Speaker 1: talking about money? So a lot of you married gals
1:49
Speaker 1: out there know what you did, and I know a
1:52
Speaker 1: lot of my friends been married over thirty years, so
1:54
Speaker 1: they didn't have any money when they started talking about money.
1:57
Speaker 2: I had one friend that had just pure debt.
2:00
Speaker 1: They figured out how to work up all their debt
2:02
Speaker 1: and pay it off and buy the first house or
2:03
Speaker 1: second house. They're extremely successful now and they've done a
2:06
Speaker 1: really really good job. But if you're dating someone and
2:09
Speaker 1: you like him, this is almost just as important as
2:12
Speaker 1: to when are we going to have sex?
2:13
Speaker 3: Right?
2:14
Speaker 1: When are we going to start talking about money. Money
2:16
Speaker 1: conversations don't have to happen on the first date, obviously,
2:19
Speaker 1: and they shouldn't until you're merging lives kind of together,
2:23
Speaker 1: so early on, it's helpful to observe, observe how someone
2:27
Speaker 1: talks about it. Ladies, do you like the gentleman to
2:31
Speaker 1: pay for you on a first date? Maybe not if
2:34
Speaker 1: you're just going to coffee or cocktails or just a
2:37
Speaker 1: meet and greet. But does he court you? Does he
2:39
Speaker 1: take you out out for dinner? Or do you want
2:42
Speaker 1: to pay for half? Do you not want to have
2:44
Speaker 1: any of that? Everyone's different, right, there's no right way
2:48
Speaker 1: or wrong way, but it needs to be talked about,
2:50
Speaker 1: kind of like by the first date because you're going
2:52
Speaker 1: to be buying something, so money comes up really really early.
2:56
Speaker 1: But do you have to share about your personal finances
2:59
Speaker 1: to one right away? Absolutely not. As the relationship becomes
3:03
Speaker 1: more serious than the money conversations become less about numbers
3:07
Speaker 1: and more about values. So I'm a big person of
3:11
Speaker 1: my money speaks for my values. So I'm not just
3:13
Speaker 1: going to go purchase something. I'm going to purchase something
3:17
Speaker 1: that of either a designer I like, and I'm not
3:20
Speaker 1: real big into labels, but like a my like my
3:24
Speaker 1: daughter said, you should get a really good perse, and
3:25
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'm not just going to get a
3:27
Speaker 1: purse to get a purse. I want to know who's
3:28
Speaker 1: making the person, who can I put my my my
3:32
Speaker 1: value behind right Like I love to like my coaches
3:35
Speaker 1: when I purchase a coach. All coaches need coaches, right
3:39
Speaker 1: or therapist or coaches, we all need it. So I
3:42
Speaker 1: love that when I make a payment to that, I
3:44
Speaker 1: know it's going to their household and taking care of
3:46
Speaker 1: their family and making their dreams come true, just as
3:49
Speaker 1: if my clients. Like I was sitting in the conference
3:52
Speaker 1: room one day and my daughter had just turned twenty
3:54
Speaker 1: one and in her name's Journey. I wanted to take
3:56
Speaker 1: her to the Journey show. And it was like a
3:57
Speaker 1: two or three day show a La Dodger Statium. It's
4:01
Speaker 1: like two hundred and fifty bucks a ticket or whatever.
4:03
Speaker 1: I wanted to go buy her ticket. My son wanted
4:05
Speaker 1: to go. Then we'd have to stay in the hotel,
4:07
Speaker 1: we'd have to get down there, so it was an
4:08
Speaker 1: expensive little Hey, I think I want to do this right,
4:12
Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know what I'm doing it. This
4:13
Speaker 1: is going to be a little family thing. We all
4:15
Speaker 1: love music. It was seven bands. It was amazing. So
4:19
Speaker 1: then I went into my appointment and I got a
4:22
Speaker 1: coaching client immediately from that, and they paid for that
4:26
Speaker 1: whole trip. So it was wonderful and they knew that
4:29
Speaker 1: they paid for it. I told them, this is what
4:31
Speaker 1: you're going towards, So thank you so much. We're going
4:33
Speaker 1: to take care of you and get you clarity, confidence
4:35
Speaker 1: and control over your money so you can step into
4:37
Speaker 1: the wealth and then share. So our money needs to
4:41
Speaker 1: be shared as a value as well, and if that's
4:44
Speaker 1: important to you, then you would share that type of
4:45
Speaker 1: thing on a first date or even on a second date.
4:48
Speaker 1: You know, this is where this is my value. This
4:50
Speaker 1: is part of my value, honesty, ethical. You know, some
4:53
Speaker 1: people can live in a very small place. They have
4:58
Speaker 1: no value on extras, more minimalist. That's different than someone
5:02
Speaker 1: else that might want. Like I just bought a new Genesis.
5:06
Speaker 1: I love my Genesis. It is a used car, which
5:10
Speaker 1: is my value, right. I don't like the brand new
5:12
Speaker 1: ones drive and run off the.
5:13
Speaker 2: Lot unless they got a spectacular deal. Then I'm down
5:16
Speaker 2: for I love deals.
5:17
Speaker 1: I'm frugal, and I love deals, so that might come
5:19
Speaker 1: out on our first or a second date.
5:21
Speaker 2: I love to get a bargain.
5:24
Speaker 1: A money coach can help people explore the emotional side
5:27
Speaker 1: of their values, while a financial advisor helps translate them
5:29
Speaker 1: into practical decisions in the future. So these are the
5:32
Speaker 1: things you can talk about, like do they have a
5:34
Speaker 1: financial advisor? You might like kind of not really dancing
5:38
Speaker 1: around it, but you don't have to get into the particulars.
5:40
Speaker 2: Do you have a financial plan?
5:41
Speaker 1: Are you?
5:42
Speaker 3: Are you?
5:42
Speaker 2: Do you know when you're going to be able to retire?
5:44
Speaker 2: Are you retired?
5:45
Speaker 3: You know?
5:45
Speaker 2: Little things like that is going to give you a
5:47
Speaker 2: lot of.
5:47
Speaker 1: Value and a lot of information at first, so you
5:50
Speaker 1: don't have to dive straight into your finance. I often
5:53
Speaker 1: tell my single clients, I'm happy to chat with you
5:56
Speaker 1: with your new bo your new friend.
6:00
Speaker 2: Whatever however it is.
6:01
Speaker 1: I'm happy to talk with them a little bit about
6:04
Speaker 1: where they're at and what's happening, a little bit about
6:06
Speaker 1: where you're at and what's happening. Bring me in on
6:08
Speaker 1: a conversation, let's go have dinner, let's go talk about it,
6:11
Speaker 1: because sometimes it's a hard conversation to have, which is
6:14
Speaker 1: no problem.
6:15
Speaker 2: But it doesn't need to be right away.
6:17
Speaker 1: It doesn't need to be until you're actually merging your
6:20
Speaker 1: life together and you know that they're a serious person.
6:23
Speaker 2: I hope that makes sense.
6:24
Speaker 1: Number two question, why does money affect relationships so deeply?
6:29
Speaker 1: So money is rarely just about dollars, like it really
6:32
Speaker 1: never is. There's always about the emotion underneath it, right,
6:36
Speaker 1: So it actually represents our security, our freedom, our trust,
6:40
Speaker 1: and sometimes even love. If you grew up to where
6:43
Speaker 1: your household showed you love with money, then you're going
6:46
Speaker 1: to have those same tendencies. When two people come together,
6:49
Speaker 1: they bring their own money stories from their childhood and
6:52
Speaker 1: their past relationship. I'm sixty two, so at my age,
6:55
Speaker 1: people have been divorced, They've been through the mill of
6:58
Speaker 1: a divorce. They might not trust any marriage again, you know,
7:04
Speaker 1: combining finances or anything that I have couples now that
7:07
Speaker 1: have been married for fifteen twenty years and their finances
7:09
Speaker 1: are still separate. Not you know, however, makes you feel safe,
7:13
Speaker 1: And of course, as my coaching life, I help them
7:16
Speaker 1: uncover what's not making them feel safe so that we
7:18
Speaker 1: can uncover those old stories, get those old beliefs out,
7:22
Speaker 1: so that we can have them forgive themselves, forgive whatever
7:25
Speaker 1: needs to be forgives, so that they can step into
7:27
Speaker 1: their new relationship the way they want to do it. However,
7:30
Speaker 1: we all have different kids now, right, I've got my
7:32
Speaker 1: family of kids. They've got their family of kids. So
7:35
Speaker 1: we might want to just keep our finances separate, which
7:37
Speaker 1: is absolutely fine. I always recommend a household account of
7:41
Speaker 1: the household that you live in. Everybody contributes to that
7:43
Speaker 1: household account. It pays for the food, It can even
7:46
Speaker 1: pay for vacations, dining out, you know, concerts, all the
7:50
Speaker 1: fun stuff that you're going to do. That's the household
7:52
Speaker 1: of the relationship account. Then you have your account. I
7:54
Speaker 1: have my account. We even might even have our own
7:57
Speaker 1: financial advisors, which is totally perfectly fine. A three question,
8:01
Speaker 1: what are the signs of that someone has a healthy
8:03
Speaker 1: relationship with money? Well, a healthy relationship with money usually
8:07
Speaker 1: shows up as an openness, It shows up as giving,
8:12
Speaker 1: it shows up as responsibility, and it shows up as
8:15
Speaker 1: a balance.
8:16
Speaker 2: Right, So they're not just doing everything for you.
8:20
Speaker 1: But they might say, hey, you know, I'll do tonight's
8:23
Speaker 1: dinner and excursion and you, you know, you can do
8:27
Speaker 1: the next date, Especially in the new of newly dating. Right,
8:31
Speaker 1: So then you might say, hey, I got concert tickets,
8:34
Speaker 1: so let's I'm gonna take us to a concert and
8:36
Speaker 1: a nice dinner. Or I'll take us to the concert
8:38
Speaker 1: and you do the nice dinner. I believe money is energy, right,
8:41
Speaker 1: So there's got to be a balance, even with my friends,
8:44
Speaker 1: like if they have something. I have a friend that
8:46
Speaker 1: I get frequencies from, I pay for those frequencies.
8:49
Speaker 2: It's a it's an energy exchange. She's doing her specialty
8:52
Speaker 2: and I'm paying for that. So I do believe there
8:55
Speaker 2: needs to be in an exchange. You can't be one
8:57
Speaker 2: person doing everything for that relationship and ship. Now, some
9:01
Speaker 2: people might not be in the in the position to
9:05
Speaker 2: be paying for all these wonderful dates, right, so there
9:08
Speaker 2: can be a give and take to where I'm gonna
9:10
Speaker 2: invite you over and have you cook dinner for you
9:12
Speaker 2: and have a nice evening, and then if you want to,
9:15
Speaker 2: you can take us out to dinner. Maybe they might want,
9:18
Speaker 2: like my last one, they always wanted to go out
9:20
Speaker 2: to dinner. That's great.
9:22
Speaker 1: I like a home cooked meal as well, especially on
9:24
Speaker 1: this crazy diet that I got going. It's always different
9:26
Speaker 1: in no gluten, no dairy, no meat, this is no
9:29
Speaker 1: meat march. Okay, yay. So there's always something going on.
9:32
Speaker 1: So I'd rather cook myself because I know, you know
9:35
Speaker 1: what's going into the food and what's going into my body.
9:37
Speaker 1: So then we can give or take that way. So
9:40
Speaker 1: you will see, you will see someone being let me
9:46
Speaker 1: see you'll see them treating others well, even though tipping well.
9:50
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm a my kids running a restaurant business, so
9:53
Speaker 1: we tip well. And it depends on how they talk
9:55
Speaker 1: about money. Do they talk about it as a victim?
9:58
Speaker 1: Do they talk about it with shame? Do they talk
10:00
Speaker 1: about it with anger? Do they get mad? Are they
10:04
Speaker 1: sharing stories with you all the time about being angry
10:06
Speaker 1: about getting taken advantage of? Or is it just more
10:11
Speaker 1: balanced of Hey, you know, it's more of a positive situation.
10:14
Speaker 1: And do they demonstrate emotional maturity around finances? Do they
10:18
Speaker 1: get emotional about it or is it just kind of
10:20
Speaker 1: one more thing in our repertoire of our life. Right,
10:23
Speaker 1: they may not have perfect finances, but they're willing to
10:26
Speaker 1: be honest and proactive about it.
10:28
Speaker 2: I love that.
10:29
Speaker 1: Honesty is huge, absolutely huge, So you can feel it,
10:32
Speaker 1: You'll be able to feel it, because what we feel
10:33
Speaker 1: about one thing is how we feel about everything, So
10:37
Speaker 1: this is very important when we're dating.
10:39
Speaker 2: Number four.
10:39
Speaker 1: Should we pay attention to how someone spends money while dating?
10:43
Speaker 1: Oh that's a great question, So yes, absolutely. Spending patterns
10:46
Speaker 1: can reveal priorities and values. The goal isn't to judge
10:50
Speaker 1: someone's lifestyle, but to understand whether your financial habits and
10:54
Speaker 1: your values align with theirs. These conversations help couples understand
10:58
Speaker 1: each other's coach to money before it even becomes a
11:02
Speaker 1: point of conflict. So definitely being aware. You might see
11:05
Speaker 1: their house, you might see their car. You know, I
11:08
Speaker 1: know someone who didn't buy a car for like twenty
11:10
Speaker 1: five years. Is it just wasn't an important value to them,
11:13
Speaker 1: And that's great. You just want to know who they are.
11:16
Speaker 1: Some people want people to show up and in labels
11:19
Speaker 1: and fine clothing. Some people want them to show up
11:23
Speaker 1: in a nice car. Some people don't want any money
11:26
Speaker 1: spent on things like that, and they'd rather have it
11:29
Speaker 1: on massages and vacations and organic food and maybe a
11:34
Speaker 1: chef come in to you know, to cook for everyone
11:38
Speaker 1: so that you can have a nice dinner with maybe
11:40
Speaker 1: you know your friends and family to get to know
11:41
Speaker 1: each other. Everyone's a little bit different, and all you're
11:44
Speaker 1: doing while you're dating is checking them out.
11:46
Speaker 2: Do you want the next date? That's it.
11:48
Speaker 1: We're not judging them, we're not judging ourselves. We're not
11:50
Speaker 1: going to put ourselves down. We're literally just saying, hey,
11:53
Speaker 1: do I like you enough to spend more time with you?
11:55
Speaker 1: And if I do, all right, let's do another date.
11:58
Speaker 1: Question number five, what if a partner has different financial
12:01
Speaker 1: styles like a savor and a spender.
12:03
Speaker 2: Great question. It happens all the time, right.
12:05
Speaker 1: Different financial personnelis can actually balance each other out if
12:08
Speaker 1: both people are willing to communicate and to respect the
12:11
Speaker 1: other person's perspective. And this is on everything in a relationship,
12:15
Speaker 1: not just money. A financial advisor can also help create
12:18
Speaker 1: structure that works for both partners, while a money coach
12:21
Speaker 1: can also help couples understand their emotions that's driving those habits.
12:24
Speaker 1: So I can't tell you how many times I have
12:26
Speaker 1: a couples come to me on the verge of divorce
12:29
Speaker 1: like they're ready to go see the attorney, and I
12:31
Speaker 1: have turned them around. I think there's one client right
12:34
Speaker 1: now that we're in talks with attorneys and then then
12:36
Speaker 1: I am a certified divorce financial analyst, So that's what
12:39
Speaker 1: I did. I helped them split all their assets, child custody.
12:42
Speaker 1: I did everything. It took about a year for us
12:44
Speaker 1: to do that and to make sure that they're both
12:46
Speaker 1: feeling really good because I am the child's advocate and
12:50
Speaker 1: if the parents can't get along, that child's never going
12:52
Speaker 1: to feel secure. In fact, I just did a podcast
12:55
Speaker 1: with Bev Middleman and it was about secure love attachment style,
12:58
Speaker 1: So check out that podcast.
12:59
Speaker 2: It's awesome.
13:00
Speaker 1: Securely Loved is what she created, and that in a
13:05
Speaker 1: divorce and the parents not feeling secure, they're going to
13:09
Speaker 1: pass that on to the child. So I always try
13:11
Speaker 1: to make sure that the partners are cohesively working together.
13:16
Speaker 2: Maybe not in the beginning, but towards the end.
13:18
Speaker 1: We always do come to an alignment on the plan
13:21
Speaker 1: and where we're going forward, so that they can take
13:23
Speaker 1: that to the attorney and spend a lot less money
13:25
Speaker 1: with the attorney and already have their custody worked out,
13:28
Speaker 1: have their financial assessments on both sides, and who's going
13:32
Speaker 1: to get what and how we're going to get it.
13:34
Speaker 1: All of that is worked out before we even go
13:36
Speaker 1: to an attorney, that's great. But if you're just contemplating
13:39
Speaker 1: and you're just fighting and arguing at each other's throats.
13:42
Speaker 1: I'm a money coach, any money coach, but of course
13:44
Speaker 1: me of course helps out tremendously because I can find
13:48
Speaker 1: out going back to the attachment styles of childhood where
13:51
Speaker 1: this is really coming from right, It's not coming from here,
13:55
Speaker 1: it's coming from our childhood, and we can clear those out.
13:57
Speaker 1: So I work with you both together the beginning, and
14:00
Speaker 1: then I separate, and then I work with both partners separately.
14:04
Speaker 1: They all have their homework. Everybody has a homework with me,
14:07
Speaker 1: no matter what, no matter what, we all have homework, right,
14:10
Speaker 1: So your homework is always to go back and write
14:13
Speaker 1: your history of your money story from childhood on. What
14:16
Speaker 1: is your money story? How do you feel about money?
14:18
Speaker 1: What would you say to money if you walked in
14:19
Speaker 1: he she it walked into the door right now, If
14:22
Speaker 1: it walked into the door right now, what would you
14:24
Speaker 1: say to money? Write that down, Write a love letter
14:26
Speaker 1: to money. There's so much great practical things that we
14:29
Speaker 1: can do to get all these habits out of our
14:30
Speaker 1: head and to step into new beliefs, into new great
14:34
Speaker 1: habits around money so that it shows up in our
14:36
Speaker 1: love life. Right, we have to be able to love
14:38
Speaker 1: and respect ourselves and trust ourselves. As I learned from Bev.
14:41
Speaker 1: We have to trust ourselves to make the right decision,
14:44
Speaker 1: otherwise we're not going to pick the right partner for us.
14:46
Speaker 2: My picker's been broken for viewers, I'm telling you then.
14:50
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's lots of us that can say that
14:51
Speaker 1: out there, and that's because we weren't really loving and
14:53
Speaker 1: trusting ourselves on our own decision.
14:56
Speaker 2: So I love that.
14:57
Speaker 1: So being a saver and a spender, you can absolutely
15:00
Speaker 1: work together if you have to understand each other's perspective.
15:03
Speaker 1: So I had a client once that she was just
15:05
Speaker 1: rebelling against her husband. They've been married twenty five years,
15:07
Speaker 1: like a long time, and every time he would say no,
15:10
Speaker 1: she would go spend a different money. It wasn't a
15:12
Speaker 1: lot of money, it was just a little bit of money,
15:14
Speaker 1: but it added up and it would just make him
15:16
Speaker 1: so aggravated. He felt completely disrespected and she felt completely controlled.
15:22
Speaker 1: When actuality, when we went and dug down to it,
15:25
Speaker 1: she actually felt like he was her dad because they
15:27
Speaker 1: set that up in the relationship a long time ago
15:30
Speaker 1: before I came in on the picture, right, So we
15:32
Speaker 1: cleared that up and said, this is not your dad
15:34
Speaker 1: saying you can't do this. This is your loving husband,
15:36
Speaker 1: who loves you as your partner, wants to retire with
15:38
Speaker 1: you and go and play and have fun. And the
15:40
Speaker 1: more you spend, the further that retirement date is out.
15:43
Speaker 1: It's just drawn out longer and he has to work longer.
15:45
Speaker 1: You have to work longer. And she didn't really understand
15:48
Speaker 1: that that's where he was coming from. All she felt
15:50
Speaker 1: was control from her father. So she healed that. She
15:54
Speaker 1: paid off all her credit cards, paid off her debt.
15:57
Speaker 1: They're now retired, traveling everywhere, a really good time. They're
16:01
Speaker 1: each other's best friends. They're laughing, smiling, giggling every day.
16:05
Speaker 1: It is the cutest thing to see. And it's just
16:07
Speaker 1: because she came to me and asked, how can I
16:10
Speaker 1: get my husband to stop getting so mad.
16:13
Speaker 2: About the money that I'm spending.
16:14
Speaker 1: And it took a while to do some different processes, right,
16:18
Speaker 1: but every step each person's going to be happy.
16:21
Speaker 2: I spoke to him, I spoke to her.
16:23
Speaker 1: We made sure that both people were understanding their perspective,
16:27
Speaker 1: and we don't even understand it if we're not going
16:29
Speaker 1: to the subconscious right. So we have to do that.
16:32
Speaker 1: We have to look at what's underneath. It's never about
16:36
Speaker 1: what we think. It is never every time you think
16:39
Speaker 1: of a topic and you think you're mad about that topic,
16:42
Speaker 1: one hundred percent of the time, it's never about that topic.
16:44
Speaker 1: It's always about what's underneath that topic. And it could
16:47
Speaker 1: be five layers deep, but it's definitely underneath that topic.
16:51
Speaker 1: It's not about that. So one of my core wounds
16:54
Speaker 1: is perfectionism. I don't I feel not worthy, not good enough,
16:59
Speaker 1: and so I really value authenticity, authenticity and someone being
17:04
Speaker 1: honest to me because if I feel like their integrity
17:08
Speaker 1: is whacked out and they say something different than they do,
17:11
Speaker 1: I'm out because I can't trust that. I have to
17:14
Speaker 1: be able to trust someone for just from my childhood
17:17
Speaker 1: and my upbringing. So if you say you're going to
17:20
Speaker 1: spend money on this or not spend money on this,
17:23
Speaker 1: that needs to happen. And if it doesn't, I can't
17:25
Speaker 1: be in that relationship because I'm going to say and
17:28
Speaker 1: do what I'm going to say and do, and you're
17:30
Speaker 1: going to know that, and you're going to feel that
17:32
Speaker 1: I want you to feel completely trust around me. And
17:34
Speaker 1: that's why I'm such a great financial advisor as well,
17:37
Speaker 1: because I'm one hundred percent honest and they know what
17:40
Speaker 1: I say is absolutely honest and they can trust that.
17:44
Speaker 1: Trust is huge, right, Trust is huge. Sometimes we have
17:47
Speaker 1: to forgive in order to trust. Yes, we have to
17:49
Speaker 1: forgive first.
17:50
Speaker 3: Yep.
17:51
Speaker 2: We have to forgive ourselves.
17:53
Speaker 3: Yep.
17:53
Speaker 2: We put ourselves on that hot seat.
17:55
Speaker 1: We have to be able to forgive ourselves for our
17:56
Speaker 1: past discretions, our past activities, are past partners, are past expenditures,
18:03
Speaker 1: and then we can be able to trust ourselves. Okay,
18:05
Speaker 1: Number six, How can women protect themselves financially in a relationship?
18:08
Speaker 3: Oh?
18:09
Speaker 2: Ding ding ding ding ding. I love this question.
18:11
Speaker 1: Financial protection often begins with financial awareness, So we have
18:15
Speaker 1: to know what's happening first. We have to understand our
18:18
Speaker 1: own finances, and that means knowing and loving our own numbers,
18:22
Speaker 1: maintaining some financial independence. Even when we get into a relationship,
18:27
Speaker 1: we still keep our own accounts, we still have our
18:29
Speaker 1: own savings, we still have our own control over our
18:32
Speaker 1: money in a certain circumstances, and staying informed about the
18:36
Speaker 1: shared decisions are important. Right is as a couple or
18:40
Speaker 1: as a partnership. When someone wants to buy something, I
18:43
Speaker 1: have lots of different rules. I have someone that says
18:45
Speaker 1: we do not spend over five hundred dollars without talking
18:48
Speaker 1: about it to the other person. Another household might be
18:50
Speaker 1: five thousand dollars without talking to it talking to the
18:53
Speaker 1: other person. Then I have households that say I have
18:55
Speaker 1: my budget, you have your budget, I have my fund money,
18:57
Speaker 1: you have your fun money.
18:58
Speaker 2: You do whatever the heck you want.
18:59
Speaker 1: And we we have our money together in our own
19:02
Speaker 1: finances and our own accounts, and that is the money
19:05
Speaker 1: that we always agree on no matter what is spent
19:08
Speaker 1: one hundred percent of the time. There's lots of different
19:10
Speaker 1: ways that we can do it. And we can also
19:13
Speaker 1: find structure with an advisor in that middle bucket for
19:16
Speaker 1: the financial plan for the couple, right, And then each
19:19
Speaker 1: individual person might have their own plan and their own goal,
19:23
Speaker 1: and they want to make sure that they have enough
19:25
Speaker 1: money to be able to control what they want and
19:28
Speaker 1: their individual futures. Like I know that there's a couple
19:32
Speaker 1: that he always wants to give her gifts. Her love
19:34
Speaker 1: language is receiving gifts, and so he always wants to
19:37
Speaker 1: make sure he has enough in his thing for giving gifts.
19:40
Speaker 1: I have another one that is a cyclist. Those bikes
19:42
Speaker 1: are very expensive, and so that's his hobby. He wants
19:44
Speaker 1: to make sure he has enough that does not affect
19:46
Speaker 1: the family. But that is his fun money. He has
19:49
Speaker 1: his money to go do what he wants to do
19:51
Speaker 1: without having to check with his wife every time he
19:53
Speaker 1: wants to go buy a new bike or new padding,
19:56
Speaker 1: or new outfits or new whatever they want to do. Right, So,
20:00
Speaker 1: conversation absolutely is hugely important with finances and everything in
20:05
Speaker 1: regards to a relationship and keeping some type of independence.
20:10
Speaker 1: Okayven number seven question, what are some red flags to
20:13
Speaker 1: watch for a while dating? Ding ding ding ding ding. Okay,
20:16
Speaker 1: So now we not only have red flags, but we
20:18
Speaker 1: have pink flags, right, we have yellow flags, we have
20:22
Speaker 1: green flags all the way go, and so which ones
20:25
Speaker 1: of these? So it might include scarcity about finance. It
20:29
Speaker 1: might include blaming others for financial problems. If someone's complaining
20:32
Speaker 1: about their divorce and they're complaining about their partner, and
20:35
Speaker 1: they're complaining about all the money they took and all
20:38
Speaker 1: the money that could they could have had without it,
20:40
Speaker 1: that's a kind of a red flag, right, they haven't
20:43
Speaker 1: they haven't gone through that and taken care of their
20:46
Speaker 1: emotional state around that and basically healed it. Or they
20:49
Speaker 1: can be a complete financial control. Now you're not going
20:53
Speaker 1: to know that while you're dating. You could pick up
20:55
Speaker 1: on some cues possibly, But I have a lot of
20:58
Speaker 1: clients come to me after financial abuse, meaning once they
21:01
Speaker 1: got married, they never had any more control over any
21:03
Speaker 1: of their own accounts, They never had any more of
21:06
Speaker 1: their own money. They would get doled out a certain
21:08
Speaker 1: amount of money and that's it, and they had to deal.
21:11
Speaker 1: They had to do the whole household on that, all
21:13
Speaker 1: the groceries, housekeeper, all the bills, you know, cable, internet, water, electricity,
21:19
Speaker 1: everything they had to do and if they didn't have
21:22
Speaker 1: anything left over, then they didn't have anything leftover. It
21:24
Speaker 1: reminds me of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo. That's what happened
21:27
Speaker 1: to her. She had a certain amount of money that
21:28
Speaker 1: she had to have through the household. So she would
21:30
Speaker 1: like go try to make candy to get extra money,
21:33
Speaker 1: or the vitamin of vigamin right, And I know you're
21:36
Speaker 1: all laughing with me. If he was hilarious and she
21:39
Speaker 1: wanted to get extra money somehow, so she had to
21:41
Speaker 1: go get her part time jobs to do that. There
21:43
Speaker 1: are still couples today that do that. That can be
21:45
Speaker 1: very emotionally tricky, right, and if you were too. This
21:49
Speaker 1: is what I always hit couples down. If there's one
21:52
Speaker 1: working one not usually it's the mom home with the child, right,
21:55
Speaker 1: could be the dad. But the person that's home the housemaker.
21:58
Speaker 1: How much would you pay for a housekeeper? How much
22:01
Speaker 1: would you pay for someone to do the laundry? How
22:03
Speaker 1: much would you pay for someone to do your shopping
22:05
Speaker 1: for you? How much would you pay for somebody to
22:07
Speaker 1: do your cooking for you? And how much is daycare? Okay, well,
22:10
Speaker 1: that is the job that the house person is doing
22:12
Speaker 1: at home. You need to respect that as that job,
22:16
Speaker 1: and they need respect themselves as well. So they need
22:18
Speaker 1: to have their own fund money even if they're not working.
22:20
Speaker 1: That is a job and that is a family decision
22:23
Speaker 1: that you're doing together. So that is great questions to
22:27
Speaker 1: ask right now with dating, you want to just see
22:30
Speaker 1: another warning sign is like avoiding conversations at all costs
22:33
Speaker 1: around money. If they're not even going to talk about
22:35
Speaker 1: money whatsoever? Now First day, second eight, third eight, No
22:38
Speaker 1: maybe not even a month or two in. But when
22:40
Speaker 1: you start combining things, there should be some type of
22:43
Speaker 1: money talks. Healthy relationships allow room for honest discussions about
22:47
Speaker 1: financial reality.
22:49
Speaker 2: I mean love or money. Sex?
22:51
Speaker 1: What comes first? If you're going to go have sex,
22:54
Speaker 1: you need to be able to talk about sex. You're
22:56
Speaker 1: spending money on the first date, so you need to
22:58
Speaker 1: be able to talk about it in which way that
23:01
Speaker 1: fits well with you, if that makes sense. Now we
23:04
Speaker 1: also get the braggadocious guys. Right, I've got this and
23:08
Speaker 1: this and this, and you know I'd like to buy
23:10
Speaker 1: you an island, and you know you'd look great in
23:12
Speaker 1: a convertible and all that. That's not what I'm talking about.
23:15
Speaker 1: I'm talking about like real lessons that we've learned, maybe
23:18
Speaker 1: around many maybe what we want to do in our future,
23:22
Speaker 1: what our future plans are. Travel? What kind of travel?
23:25
Speaker 1: Are you a five star five star travel or are
23:27
Speaker 1: you a hostile traveler?
23:28
Speaker 2: You know? What do you like? These are great questions.
23:31
Speaker 1: That you're going to find out in the beginning and
23:32
Speaker 1: the dating cycle to see how they are. You know,
23:37
Speaker 1: a debt question, do you carry debt?
23:39
Speaker 2: Do you like debt? Is there you know?
23:41
Speaker 1: A lot of us are parents, by now, how do
23:43
Speaker 1: we teach children around debt and what is debt?
23:46
Speaker 3: Right?
23:46
Speaker 1: We like Robert Kiyosaki right, we talk about debt completely
23:50
Speaker 1: different than a lot of other people when we're entrepreneurs
23:52
Speaker 1: versus employees. Very different. I hope I have given you
23:56
Speaker 1: a lot of things to think about. I hope I've
23:58
Speaker 1: answered some of your questions that I've gotten throughout all
24:00
Speaker 1: the years. Please check out more of this Live Your
24:03
Speaker 1: Diamond Life Q and A session. We've had chapter one,
24:05
Speaker 1: Chapter two. Now I'm gonna keep going. Each week We're
24:08
Speaker 1: gonna have a different chapter and hopefully I'm answering a
24:10
Speaker 1: lot of questions for you. And I want all of
24:12
Speaker 1: you to be able to stand up and say, hey,
24:14
Speaker 1: I rock my Finances.
24:17
Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
24:19
Speaker 3: subscribe to the Rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
24:23
Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
24:28
Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
24:31
Speaker 3: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
24:35
Speaker 3: It's about the F word, feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
24:39
Speaker 3: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
24:42
Speaker 3: say I rock my finances