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The Fifth Hour: Crossing the Mendoza Line · The Ben Maller Show

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Speaker 1: Kubbooms.
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Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
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Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
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Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
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Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
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Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
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Speaker 1: Wow.
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Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
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Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in
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Speaker 2: the air everywhere.
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Speaker 1: The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g
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Speaker 1: Radio A Happy Saturday to you. It as early as
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Speaker 1: we are in the podcast remote studio doing this podcast
0:43
Speaker 1: in the early morning hours on this Saturday, the twenty
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Speaker 1: fourth day of January twenty twenty six, the day before
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Speaker 1: the National Championship Sunday for the NFL, their version of
0:59
Speaker 1: the Championship Sunday, a couple weeks before Super Bowl Sunday,
1:03
Speaker 1: the final four of the NFL, as the Patriots take
1:07
Speaker 1: on the Broncos in the early game and then later
1:11
Speaker 1: on in Seattle, it'll be the Rams. We'll ram it
1:14
Speaker 1: all day and more importantly in a ram it all
1:16
Speaker 1: night as they'll take on Seattle in that game. You
1:19
Speaker 1: want my picks? You want my analysis, Yes you do.
1:23
Speaker 1: You know what again, there's only one place you can
1:25
Speaker 1: get my picks for the AFC and NFC Championship games
1:29
Speaker 1: against the Spread, the iconic must see tube that's Benny
1:36
Speaker 1: Versus the Penny. It continues fighting the good fight in
1:39
Speaker 1: the pigskin world. You can check that out on you
1:43
Speaker 1: Tube streaming on the Benny vs. Penny channel as we
1:49
Speaker 1: together celebrate National Beer Can Appreciation Day in America. Why
1:55
Speaker 1: is that a thing? It's just a thing. You just
1:58
Speaker 1: go with it and that's it. So I started snooping
2:01
Speaker 1: around and I looked at a few things. I do
2:04
Speaker 1: know when I was a kid. One of my memories
2:06
Speaker 1: as a child that we had a neighbor who lived
2:09
Speaker 1: in the house next door, real close and walking through
2:13
Speaker 1: the neighborhood I was growing up. I just ran around
2:15
Speaker 1: and have phones or anything like that. Just ran around
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Speaker 1: and lived your life. So I remember the neighbor was
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Speaker 1: always working on his car, and then behind the car
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Speaker 1: his name is Rick, and behind Rick's carr in the
2:27
Speaker 1: garage was a can. One can after there was a
2:31
Speaker 1: wall of cans and they were all different colors and
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Speaker 1: it was really cool. I was like, oh, this is
2:37
Speaker 1: pretty neat. You know, this is awesome. This guy collected
2:39
Speaker 1: beer cans and then put them as display items in
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Speaker 1: his garage. So the beer can debuted in nineteen thirty five,
2:49
Speaker 1: so we're coming up ten years or so, a little
2:52
Speaker 1: less than that away from the one hundredth anniversary of
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Speaker 1: the beer can. It was in Jersey, a brewery called
3:00
Speaker 1: Krueger's released the beer can, and then there was a
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Speaker 1: bit of a delay. There was something that happened. I
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Speaker 1: guess it was World War Two and there was a
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Speaker 1: delay in production. I wonder why. And it wasn't until
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Speaker 1: the nineteen sixties that canned beer became mainstream again. So
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Speaker 1: it debuted somewhat popular. And then in the nineteen sixties,
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Speaker 1: after the delay because of the war, stuff came back.
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Speaker 1: And in nineteen sixty nine, so fifty seven years ago,
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Speaker 1: the sales of canned beer exceeded the bottle beer for
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Speaker 1: the first time. I was reading that people did not
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Speaker 1: like the can beer or the bottle beer. H yeah,
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Speaker 1: the can beer. They liked the bottle beer. They didn't
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Speaker 1: like the can beer. And they got upset by that.
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Speaker 1: They were like, we like the bottle, we don't need
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Speaker 1: the can. Like what are you doing? And then eventually
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Speaker 1: people came around to it and said, okay, we're in
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Speaker 1: on that. There's sciences. Of course, doesn't matter whether you
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Speaker 1: believe the science or not. The science is the science.
4:04
Speaker 1: And it takes less time to chill a can of
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Speaker 1: beer than a bottle beer. So if you're really desperate
4:10
Speaker 1: to get a nice, cool beer, you've got to put
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Speaker 1: that in and a can't buy can. However, bottled beer
4:18
Speaker 1: stays colder longer, so there you go. That's why the
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Speaker 1: koozy was invented, but not Bobkoozy, not Bob Coozy for sure.
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Speaker 1: And in the refrigerator, whether you're at home or supermarket
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Speaker 1: Steve or one of the boys that work at a
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Speaker 1: grocery store, it's much much easier to stack a can
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Speaker 1: of beer. You can't how do you stack a beer bottle?
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Speaker 1: He can't really do that. I cannot do it. And
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Speaker 1: the can beer also great for diplomacy and great to
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Speaker 1: spread the gospel or the SuDS. The Bruskies US brewershipped
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Speaker 1: millions of cans of beer the soldiers overseas during World
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Speaker 1: War Two. So it's all because of the can. So
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Speaker 1: celebrate appropriately enjoy a nice can of beer on Beer
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Speaker 1: Can Appreciation Day. Now, to get to the meat of
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Speaker 1: the matter, we have the Mendoza line and rickrold As mentioned,
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Speaker 1: we'll start with this.
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Speaker 2: So.
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Speaker 1: I have been called a lot of things in my
5:17
Speaker 1: time on this planet that we all share. Some of
5:20
Speaker 1: them have been broadcasts, some of them have been dumped.
5:23
Speaker 1: A lot of things have been sent to me via
5:25
Speaker 1: email that are not fit to print. Somehow they made
5:29
Speaker 1: it into the email. Definitely should have burned the computer
5:32
Speaker 1: down or the phone down. And definitely these things not
5:36
Speaker 1: suitable for the daytime audience that listen to radio. That's
5:40
Speaker 1: why we're on at night. A few of the things
5:42
Speaker 1: that have been sent to me probably require a tetanus
5:44
Speaker 1: shot just to read or hear about. However, this week,
5:48
Speaker 1: during what I thought was a rather blah, perfectly ordinary
5:52
Speaker 1: stretch of sports talk radio, one of those quiet, polite
5:56
Speaker 1: lulls before Championship Sunday and the NFL decided to light
6:02
Speaker 1: the fuse, I was reminded of one immutable truth of
6:07
Speaker 1: the modern plugged in world. Nothing travels faster than a soft,
6:15
Speaker 1: wounded fan base with Wi Fi. Nothing. So the other
6:20
Speaker 1: day I was minding my own business, doing what I
6:22
Speaker 1: always do. I was preparing for the overnight radio show,
6:24
Speaker 1: minding myself in my own thoughts, living my nocturnal existence
6:30
Speaker 1: like a raccoon wearing a headset, and I made one mistake.
6:34
Speaker 1: I dared pop on. Briefly, very briefly, I peaked at
6:38
Speaker 1: the X Machine formerly known as Twitter, which is still
6:41
Speaker 1: the same old madhouse of debauchery, just with a shorter
6:46
Speaker 1: sign out front. And suddenly, boom, the cavalry had arrived.
6:53
Speaker 1: The cavalry had arrived. Not the real cavalry, of course,
6:57
Speaker 1: mind you, No horses, no safe just a convoy of
7:01
Speaker 1: smartphone warriors, cyber tough guys, and anonymous screen hips. Because
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Speaker 1: nothing tells you that someone's tough when they have a
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Speaker 1: fake name and an anime avatar, all charging in formation
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Speaker 1: towards me and my mentions. Now, it is funny how
7:22
Speaker 1: trolls claim to seek the truth while hiding in the
7:26
Speaker 1: shadows of the interweb, something that has happened since the
7:30
Speaker 1: web was invented. Now, most of this took place while
7:34
Speaker 1: I was sleeping, at least at the beginning. It has
7:37
Speaker 1: continued the last couple of days, but it was as
7:40
Speaker 1: I was asleep, And it's always a touching detail. Nothing
7:45
Speaker 1: says I am winning at life, like firing off angry
7:49
Speaker 1: messages to a stranger while that stranger is drooling on
7:52
Speaker 1: a pillow at eleven am. So what was the crime here?
7:57
Speaker 1: Do we have a crime? Well, it's high crimes and misdemeanors.
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Speaker 1: The fine web people at Fox Sports Radio, the company
8:03
Speaker 1: I plausibly work for, posted a clip of my malor
8:08
Speaker 1: monologue from the National Championship Game Indiana getting past the
8:14
Speaker 1: you In. In that monologue, I had the audacity, the
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Speaker 1: unmitigated gall the nerve, the hootzpa to point out that
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Speaker 1: Indiana quarterback Fernando Mendoza the Golden Boy, look very ordinary,
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Speaker 1: pedestrian beige, the human version of that terms and conditions
8:36
Speaker 1: page long doll and nobody actually reads it, just kind
8:39
Speaker 1: of click it and move on. So the FFFSR social
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Speaker 1: media team captioned my monologue and they laid out everything right.
8:50
Speaker 1: There was like a chalk outline one hundred eight Here's
8:53
Speaker 1: what I said, one hundred and eighty six passing yard,
8:55
Speaker 1: zero passing touchdowns, passer rating hovering in the low eighties.
8:59
Speaker 1: I said, it was isn't the stat line of a
9:01
Speaker 1: number one overall pick. The Raiders have the top pick.
9:04
Speaker 1: I said, it looked more like an audition tape for
9:07
Speaker 1: a future backup in the Canadian Football League, where the
9:11
Speaker 1: fields are wider and the dreams go to politely wait right,
9:15
Speaker 1: And so this, it turns out, was a sin sung
9:21
Speaker 1: loud enough to echo through the eternity of Hoosier's backers. Yeah,
9:27
Speaker 1: you see the radio show, and your beloved gas bag
9:33
Speaker 1: man had crossed the Mendoza line. I had no idea
9:38
Speaker 1: that Fernando Mendoza had already done enough to warrant fanboys
9:44
Speaker 1: with knee pads. I had no idea. But here we are,
9:47
Speaker 1: somewhere deep in the cornfields of Indiana, as I imagine,
9:50
Speaker 1: message boards began to glow, social media groups sounded, the
9:54
Speaker 1: alarms group chats checked in as well, And suddenly, suddenly,
9:59
Speaker 1: I the begnatta at a six year old's birthday party,
10:03
Speaker 1: everyone blindfolded swinging away with their Louisville sluggers. That's right,
10:09
Speaker 1: that's right, Except this wasn't kids blindfolded swinging, and I
10:13
Speaker 1: was grown adults hurling insults with the emotional strain of
10:18
Speaker 1: Toddler's denied a juice box, A total conniption fit of
10:22
Speaker 1: the heart. Now you think, and you probably do think this,
10:26
Speaker 1: I mean many do. You might think that this would
10:29
Speaker 1: upset me, It would bother me. Strangers, people I will
10:33
Speaker 1: never meet in life, unloading, viral, vicious, horrific insults like
10:41
Speaker 1: haymakers and body blows, name calling, status checking, career shaming.
10:46
Speaker 2: Ben sucks.
10:48
Speaker 1: Did it all? You would be wrong. I freaking loved it.
10:54
Speaker 1: I did well. I didn't need the anti Semites to
10:57
Speaker 1: enter the chat, however, learned that they're welcome with open
11:02
Speaker 1: arms on X if you're anti Semitic, they don't kick
11:04
Speaker 1: you off. They love you, no punishment. In some ways,
11:07
Speaker 1: it's actually good. The bad people self identify the people
11:11
Speaker 1: that are scum of earth, and these people are there
11:15
Speaker 1: so we know who's toxic and who's poisonous, who will
11:19
Speaker 1: kill you like mercury, the lost souls of the cyber world. Now,
11:24
Speaker 1: the rest of the attacks were just wonderful, just wonderful.
11:28
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you're paying attention. It means that I
11:30
Speaker 1: am doing my job right, you see. That's the thing
11:34
Speaker 1: that is the thing. This is the part of the
11:37
Speaker 1: job they don't put into the shiny brochure it's the
11:42
Speaker 1: chicken soup for the soul. So this is a jolt
11:45
Speaker 1: you don't need a prescription for when you get this
11:49
Speaker 1: kind of attack. And I loved it at a little
11:51
Speaker 1: more peppin of my staff, a big smile, extra bounce
11:55
Speaker 1: in the laces. It was invigorating. Charlie Sheen once says
12:00
Speaker 1: actor back in the day, he once said that he
12:03
Speaker 1: talked about tiger blood, and he had tiger blood in us.
12:06
Speaker 1: This felt like a deluded but still effective version of
12:11
Speaker 1: tiger blood with the side of ant acid, just a
12:15
Speaker 1: little side. Now, some of the attacks were probably not real.
12:19
Speaker 1: Let's be really realistic here in this is CyberWorld. There's
12:21
Speaker 1: some bots. Some of them did have all the normal
12:25
Speaker 1: signs of not being real. Some were definitely real human
12:28
Speaker 1: beings who have never met a hobby. They liked more
12:33
Speaker 1: than being just angry online angry birds. Angry birds they
12:38
Speaker 1: don't get out much, don't have any friends. It happens,
12:42
Speaker 1: you know, you're just a shut in. I get it,
12:44
Speaker 1: I get it, and it's good. It's good playground for
12:47
Speaker 1: people that have nothing going on in their lives. Now.
12:50
Speaker 1: Either way, they all shared a familiar refrain, and I
12:53
Speaker 1: will not do a list, because we don't do lists here.
12:56
Speaker 1: In honor though of Terry in England and Alf the
12:59
Speaker 1: Alien Opiner and ferg Dog. Let's call it Benny's Big
13:03
Speaker 1: Board of Social Media insults. And it never changes. Do
13:08
Speaker 1: you know that? It never changes since I began this job.
13:10
Speaker 1: These are the insults. There's three food groups of insults,
13:14
Speaker 1: three of them. The first one is who is Ben Mahler?
13:19
Speaker 1: Who is Ben Mahler? Who are you? That's why you're
13:26
Speaker 1: on overnight? Or who's listening at two am? Some version
13:30
Speaker 1: of that. The other one is nobody knows you, which
13:33
Speaker 1: is a version of number one, and nobody cares what
13:36
Speaker 1: you think. I like that one. These are the classics.
13:40
Speaker 1: This is like Stairway to Heaven or a lukewarm hot
13:43
Speaker 1: hot dog you chow down at halftime. These things are
13:47
Speaker 1: time tested, overplayed and never quite satisfying. However, they don't
13:52
Speaker 1: go away. They don't go away. Now here's the part
13:55
Speaker 1: that these Mama Lukes do not understand. And I say
13:59
Speaker 1: this with the affection of someone who has been in
14:04
Speaker 1: those shoes, because confusion is one of humanity's most reliable traits.
14:10
Speaker 1: Every man, woman and child who was part of that right,
14:15
Speaker 1: all those angry replies, money in my bank account, food
14:20
Speaker 1: on my plate, close on my back. These people, and
14:25
Speaker 1: if you're one of them, welcome. You are participating in
14:28
Speaker 1: the economy of outrage. And you don't even get a receipt.
14:33
Speaker 1: You don't, don't you're so obtuse. Here's a life lesson.
14:38
Speaker 1: If you truly don't know who the talk show host
14:41
Speaker 1: is and you believe he is beneath you because he
14:43
Speaker 1: works overnight, why are you frothing at the mouth over
14:48
Speaker 1: his opinion? Why are you vibrating with a rage? Yah,
14:53
Speaker 1: that's not dominance, that is surrender. You are such a
14:57
Speaker 1: your pony. You don't grasp reality. You don't sending an insult,
15:04
Speaker 1: all right? Sending insult in this case, to me is
15:07
Speaker 1: akin to paying a guy at a fruit stand for
15:11
Speaker 1: some strawberries. Right. In this case, you're not even getting strawberries.
15:17
Speaker 1: I am literally, infiguratively paid to give opinions. Four hours
15:21
Speaker 1: of live sports talk radio night on six hundred plus
15:25
Speaker 1: radio stations booming across the Blue Marble. Three hours of
15:29
Speaker 1: podcasting each weekend. Sixty to eighty opinions in mala monologues
15:34
Speaker 1: a week minimum minimum sixty to eighty opinions per week
15:39
Speaker 1: in the malam monologues. It's not my hobby, it's not.
15:42
Speaker 1: In fact, this is a factory. Opinions go in, content
15:47
Speaker 1: comes out. Think of it like a chapel. It's not
15:50
Speaker 1: a child. It's a kitchen, Benny's bistro. You don't stay
15:55
Speaker 1: in this business. Serving plain oatmeal for breakfast, iceberg let
16:00
Speaker 1: with no dressing for lunch, no salad dressing. I don't
16:03
Speaker 1: eat that, but other people do. And unseasoned tofu with
16:06
Speaker 1: saltine crackers for dinner, capped off with vanilla ice cream
16:10
Speaker 1: that tastes like regret. You need spice, you need flavor,
16:14
Speaker 1: you need the heat, as Johnny Cash the legend, saying
16:18
Speaker 1: you've got to be hotter than a pepper sprout. And
16:22
Speaker 1: around here we're serving dragon breath peppers. We don't serve
16:27
Speaker 1: tap water. We serve hot sauce. That's what we serve.
16:30
Speaker 1: And so Fernando Mendoza. I don't know Fernando Mendos. I
16:34
Speaker 1: have nothing against Fernando Mendoz. I just call it like
16:36
Speaker 1: I see it. On that night he had football holatosis.
16:39
Speaker 1: It happens. Even good players have games where the breath
16:44
Speaker 1: smells off and the throws don't land. And that's not cruelty,
16:49
Speaker 1: that's observation. That's the job. And he doesn't look like
16:52
Speaker 1: he's going to be very good in the NFL. That's
16:54
Speaker 1: just based on reality. Unfortunately, the Hoosiers online contingent wacka
17:00
Speaker 1: Doodles cannot handle the truth understandable. I get it. I
17:04
Speaker 1: told I'm not upset with you. I understand most of
17:08
Speaker 1: you still have the price tag stickers attached to your
17:12
Speaker 1: hats and your jerseys and your little trinkets and all
17:16
Speaker 1: the team merch you just bought because nobody ever went
17:19
Speaker 1: to Indiana football right. For over fifty years, Indiana football
17:23
Speaker 1: has been friends and family only. That was the operation
17:26
Speaker 1: invitation only. Nobody was being invited. Now they've tasted some relevance,
17:33
Speaker 1: and like all sudden success stories, it comes with a
17:36
Speaker 1: thin skin and a hair trigger temper. And so you
17:41
Speaker 1: got the temper, congratulates and again it's okay. It's okay
17:45
Speaker 1: because outrage is the fuel, always has been, always will be.
17:51
Speaker 1: If nobody's mad, nobody's listening, and if nobody's listening, you're
17:58
Speaker 1: just talking to yourself. You're whisper to the void. You're
18:01
Speaker 1: serving a plain white boiled potato without skin in an
18:06
Speaker 1: empty diner, wondering where it all went wrong? Like what happened?
18:13
Speaker 1: So again, to the cavalry of hoosiers, the convoy, the
18:17
Speaker 1: keyboard commandos, thank you sleep well. All right, I'll be
18:24
Speaker 1: sleeping well, but you sleep well. Make sure your phones
18:27
Speaker 1: are charged. I'll be here every night, all night, doing
18:33
Speaker 1: what I do, giving opinions, collecting reactions and getting paid
18:38
Speaker 1: for it, and enjoying every last drop of that sweet,
18:42
Speaker 1: nourishing noise because it keeps the lights on. And for that,
18:47
Speaker 1: I thank you, now turning the page. It was just
18:52
Speaker 1: a dinner roll, a harmless, innocent looking dinner roll. So
18:55
Speaker 1: this happened recently, and I was asked to expand on this.
18:59
Speaker 1: I'd mentioned this on the radio show. You might have
19:01
Speaker 1: heard it, maybe you didn't. So the dinner roll the
19:05
Speaker 1: kind of a food item that exists solely to make
19:08
Speaker 1: life better, like duct tape or that comfortable, soft pair
19:13
Speaker 1: of sweatpants. And yet that role recently betrayed me. So
19:21
Speaker 1: let me explain it for those of you in the
19:22
Speaker 1: back of room. I was enjoying my usual I call it.
19:25
Speaker 1: It's liner, not really dinner, not lunch. It's that sacred
19:27
Speaker 1: hybrid meal that lives in the no man's land between
19:31
Speaker 1: lunch and dinner, usually four thirty ish to five thirty ish.
19:36
Speaker 1: That is my personal bremina triangle of calories where time disappears.
19:43
Speaker 1: I get to watch, depending on the season, whatever sporting
19:46
Speaker 1: events starting at seven thirty on the East coast of
19:49
Speaker 1: seven o'clock NBA this time of the year, but baseball
19:52
Speaker 1: most of the year. Occasionally football college football that hums
19:56
Speaker 1: in the background on the boob tube as I am
19:58
Speaker 1: multitasking like a octopus heavily caffeinated while preparing for the show.
20:05
Speaker 1: So most of the time it's it's chicken, check that box.
20:09
Speaker 1: I usually have some rice, check that box. And so
20:12
Speaker 1: on this night, I had the chicken, I had the rice.
20:14
Speaker 1: All I needed was a supporting actor, a flavor enhancer,
20:18
Speaker 1: a role player, and entering now the Hawaiian role. Now,
20:24
Speaker 1: Hawaiian roles are not just bread. They're They're deeper than that.
20:30
Speaker 1: They're the If they were dogs, they'd be labradoodles, right.
20:34
Speaker 1: They just just wonderful, soft, sweet, friendly, universally beloved. I
20:40
Speaker 1: don't know anyone whether you're a carnivore or an evil
20:43
Speaker 1: vegan that does not love the Hawaiian role. You don't
20:47
Speaker 1: eat a Hawaiian roll so much as you experience the
20:50
Speaker 1: goodness of it. And these particular roles Kings Hawaiian, the
20:53
Speaker 1: savory buttery rolls its says on the label. So they
20:57
Speaker 1: were leftovers from the holiday party seas, which is a
21:01
Speaker 1: time when food enters the mallor mansion and then refuses
21:04
Speaker 1: to leave. It's like that cousin who just needs a
21:08
Speaker 1: few days to get back on their feet and it's like, ah,
21:10
Speaker 1: I won't be any problem, and then three months later
21:14
Speaker 1: they're still there. So the packaging is a masterclass interception
21:19
Speaker 1: and that is the issue here. So the orange branding
21:22
Speaker 1: if you ever had Kings Hawaiian roles, So the package
21:26
Speaker 1: is it's a plastic bag and then there's a like
21:29
Speaker 1: a paper thing the rolls go on, but it's a
21:32
Speaker 1: plastic bag that wraps it. It's Orange brand and clear
21:34
Speaker 1: plastic top a transparent window. You can see the fluffy happiness.
21:42
Speaker 1: It's like the zoo and seeing the elephant enclosure or whatever,
21:46
Speaker 1: or the monkey enclosure and you can see through and
21:50
Speaker 1: these delicious savory butter rolls looked perfectly fine through the
21:55
Speaker 1: little peacle. They looked trustworthy. They looked like the bread
21:59
Speaker 1: equivalent of a firm handshake and steady eye contact. Trustworthy.
22:05
Speaker 1: So I did what anyone else, we do it so well.
22:07
Speaker 1: I examined them through the plastic. We're good to go,
22:10
Speaker 1: so without further inspection, because when has bread ever betrayed anyone?
22:14
Speaker 1: I grabbed one and I took a bite. What happened, Well, yeah,
22:20
Speaker 1: I ended up getting rickrolled. Now not metaphorically, of course, spiritually,
22:27
Speaker 1: Instead of buttery bliss, I was greeted with blue and
22:30
Speaker 1: white mold, a lot of it. Not a little mold, No, no,
22:34
Speaker 1: not a maybe that's a shadow situation. This was an
22:38
Speaker 1: assertive mold, mold with confidence, an aggressive mold, mold that
22:44
Speaker 1: had clearly signed a long term lease and started redecorating.
22:48
Speaker 1: Interesting enough, though it had not popped at the top
22:50
Speaker 1: of the buttery rolls, and it looked fine. Well, my
22:54
Speaker 1: appetite did not just leave that moment. It packed a bag,
22:57
Speaker 1: ghosted me, and blocked my number. So that was it
22:59
Speaker 1: for my appetite. This was the culinary version of back
23:03
Speaker 1: in the day, clicking what you thought was an interesting
23:06
Speaker 1: article and suddenly hearing never gonna give you up by
23:11
Speaker 1: Rick Astley blasting through your speakers at full volume. You
23:17
Speaker 1: ecept that occasionally this would happen on the internet. You
23:21
Speaker 1: don't think this is going to happen back in the day,
23:23
Speaker 1: would happen when you're eating roles that you looked at. Right,
23:29
Speaker 1: I thought Bob was gonna get a groll, and I
23:31
Speaker 1: got ambushed in this case by fungus. I got ambushed
23:35
Speaker 1: by fungus, is what I got. And that's what made
23:38
Speaker 1: it hurt the most. Right, that moldy bread is bad enough.
23:42
Speaker 1: Moldy bread that pretends to be a delicious Hawaiian roll
23:47
Speaker 1: that messes with you. That's psychological warfare, is what that is.
23:51
Speaker 1: And it was the best laid plans of mice and men,
23:54
Speaker 1: except the mice would have taken one look and filed
23:58
Speaker 1: a formal complaint. And I was thinking about this as
24:02
Speaker 1: I was walking into the remote studio today. It was
24:04
Speaker 1: like at former college football coach jimbo Fisher, as he
24:08
Speaker 1: once said, well, according to someone I read on Bible,
24:12
Speaker 1: which means it may or may not be true. Someone
24:15
Speaker 1: writes it, a guy named Slice Brand posts it, and
24:19
Speaker 1: suddenly everyone runs with it. Of course, in my case
24:21
Speaker 1: it wasn't slice breand it was moldy brand and it
24:25
Speaker 1: ran straight into my mouth. And that's when it hit me.
24:30
Speaker 1: I had been outsmarted by the packaging again, the plastic
24:34
Speaker 1: branding in my own blind optimism, teaming up side by
24:39
Speaker 1: side against me. This time I learned a lesson that
24:46
Speaker 1: I will take with me at least for the next week,
24:49
Speaker 1: and then I'll forget about it. This role was the hyperlink,
24:53
Speaker 1: the hyperlink of big goods. It said one thing and
24:57
Speaker 1: delivered yet another. It was a trojan horse, if the
25:00
Speaker 1: trojans had carbs and a faint smell of just what
25:03
Speaker 1: have I done? The term rickrolld for those who don't know.
25:07
Speaker 1: I don't think it's around much anymore. For the uninitiated
25:11
Speaker 1: or blissfully offline world, the term rickroll that refers to
25:17
Speaker 1: an Internet prank where you click a link expecting one thing,
25:22
Speaker 1: and again you get Rick Ashley instead. It's the bait
25:26
Speaker 1: and switch, the digital banana peel. And like all great pranks,
25:33
Speaker 1: it works because of trust. You believe the link, you
25:35
Speaker 1: believe that it's going to work out. I believe that
25:39
Speaker 1: that Hawaiian role was going to be delicious and then surprise, yes, surprise, surprise, surprise.
25:46
Speaker 1: Now the difference is that Rick Ashley won't give you
25:51
Speaker 1: food poisoning, well not. This experience taught me a valuable
25:55
Speaker 1: life lesson again, which I will again think about for
25:59
Speaker 1: a week and then immediately forget and relearn several times
26:03
Speaker 1: before I die. Inspect twice, bite once, trust, but verify,
26:12
Speaker 1: Look before you leap, measure twice, cut once again. Don't
26:17
Speaker 1: judge a role by its wrapper. You don't do it
26:22
Speaker 1: because sometimes, sometimes in this cold, confusing world, the thing
26:28
Speaker 1: that looks warm, soft and comforting is actually plodding against you.
26:33
Speaker 1: Sometimes the hyperlink is a lie, sometimes the bread is moldy,
26:39
Speaker 1: and sometimes your one meal a day turns into a
26:42
Speaker 1: lifelong memory. You did not ask for Okay, you did not.
26:46
Speaker 1: I did not ask for that, did you. I didn't
26:48
Speaker 1: ask for that that? Hey, I at least I didn't
26:52
Speaker 1: hum along with the tune. I didn't hum along with that,
26:56
Speaker 1: And so there is there's something there.
26:59
Speaker 2: All right.
26:59
Speaker 1: We'll get out on that note. Don't forget to watch
27:01
Speaker 1: Benny Versus the Penny Man Versus Coin as we have
27:06
Speaker 1: that for you on YouTube. Two episodes you can binge
27:09
Speaker 1: watch those. You can also go back and hear if
27:12
Speaker 1: you missed the Friday podcast, the Fifth Hour from yesterday,
27:16
Speaker 1: we had a fresh episode. The star of the show
27:20
Speaker 1: on the Friday podcast was the mister American Pipe. But
27:23
Speaker 1: also we said our goodbyes to Rosco the Parrot, one
27:28
Speaker 1: of the great characters in the history of the Ben
27:31
Speaker 1: Malor Show, and went through that whole thing of a jig.
27:35
Speaker 1: So check out that Fifth Hour podcast out the mail
27:37
Speaker 1: bag for you tomorrow if you want to send a
27:40
Speaker 1: message into the mail bag Real fifth Hour at gmail
27:43
Speaker 1: dot com. That's Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com.
27:46
Speaker 1: All letters, no numbers, All letters, no numbers. Have a wonderful,
27:53
Speaker 1: glorious rest of your Saturday, Saturday Saturday, and thank you
27:58
Speaker 1: for suporting the podcast. Eat you next time. Aloha, Yfolation.