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SNDY - Ep 30: Dominant. Not Soft. HelpMeet. · She's Not Done Yet

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: A capable wife who can find for her worth is far above jewels.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 31 and 10.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the stat nobody puts on a vision board.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Women over 40 start over 40% of new businesses in the United States.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not the 20-somethings, not the influencers, but us.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: The ones that they said were past our prime.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: The ones who got quiet in rooms because somebody told us softness meant shrinking.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I need you to hear something today.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Capable is not the opposite of soft.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Capable is what soft looks like when it's been tested and didn't break.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And by the end of this episode, I'm going to say some things that might make you sit up straight.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: It might make some of you uncomfortable.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uncomfortable is where truth lives.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: This episode might be for women only.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before we go anywhere, how many of you have been handed a label and just wore it?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Divorced, single, childless, or what about, oh, too much, too strong, too dominant.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody hands you a box instead of asking, hey, hey, who packed this box?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Is this for me?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: You climb in and pull the lid shut yourself.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Today, we're setting that box on fire.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm coming with receipts.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you a story.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't think you can talk about capability in the abstract.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: You have to show your work.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I pulled together the young leader's convocation in 47 days.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Not 47 weeks, days.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Me and a handful of strong girlfriends who didn't ask, is this possible?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: They asked, What's the next phone call we need to make?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: What do we need to do?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about the YLC core team.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: We built the sponsorship structure.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: We built the lineup of speakers for six tracks.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: We built a room for young preachers, entrepreneurs, creatives, singles, families, and yes, women in leadership to walk into from a vision from our leader in under seven weeks.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: We did that.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the part I need you to sit with.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't build that room for us.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't for ourselves to stand in.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: We built it so the men coming behind us, our leader, the young leaders, the emerging leaders, the secondary leaders, could walk onto a platform and into a position that was already prepared.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: The tables were set, registration was ready, the chairs were arranged, the YLC crest was already on the big screens before people even entered the room.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: We paved it.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: They walked it.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is not a complaint.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be precise about that.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's a difference between resentment and observation.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I had an awakening after YLC, and this is an observation.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Capable women have been paving roads for centuries that men get positioned to walk down as if the road built itself.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody surveyed the land, somebody poured the concrete, somebody stayed up until 4 a.m.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: with a master plan spreadsheet open, making sure the sponsorship tiers made sense.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then the ribbon gets cut, the doors open, and the man in the room gets called leader.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the woman who built the stage he's standing on gets called supportive.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not here to tear a man down.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to tell the truth about the capability women have who actually do the architecture.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to stop being surprised when you look up and realize again that you built the room that you're in.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me pause and give honor to where honor is due.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: The incomparable, the genius, my boss, my pastor, my leader, Pastor Mark Moore Jr., he's the visionary behind YLC.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: He trusts me with the monumental responsibility of building this platform.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if he said it once, he said it a thousand times.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: From 50 people in a small meeting room at the Double Tree Hotel to over 5,000 attendees from 49 states and 22 countries.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: He admittedly could not do any of that first without God and then his right hand.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Me, Teresa Thomas, this girl right here.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And we applaud and celebrate, but I think people almost hear it as a tagline.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: More importantly, women hear it and dismiss it.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I honestly don't think people realize the depth of that statement.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And because he's the visionary, YLC is his brainchild.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And God gave him the big picture, but he doesn't do granular details.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where this capable woman comes into place.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: What I do is not a small task by any far stretch of the imagination.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it takes the ability to dominate, to build platforms, and make things happen.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's no timid role to negotiate contracts, manage seven-figure budgets, have challenging conversations, and put structure to organizational systems.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And for too long, women have cowered to the credit.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, okay, yes, amen.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: All glory to God.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: But we were created for this.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: All glory to God, but God created us to walk in this role.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get to the audacious part because I promise you, audacious.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I have heard more times than I can count some version of this sentence out of a man's mouth.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want a woman to be too dominant, too forward, or too strong.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my response to that.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I need you to write this down.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: The same woman he just called too much is exactly the help meet scripture describes him needing to walk into his purpose.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let's slow down on that word, help meet, Genesis 2.18.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, so familiar.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard it so many times defined in a subservient role.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: But in the original language, that's a Hebrew word, Ezar.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: E-Z-E-R.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And Ezar is not a word for a soft, decorative presence standing quietly in the shadows or in the background, arm candy, if you will.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: That word is used 21 times in the Old Testament, and 16 of those instances in Scripture, it is used to describe God Himself as a helper to Israel in battle.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's a warrior word, it's a rescue word.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: It denotes a position of vital power, courage, and strength coming to the aid of another rather than weakness.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is not the language of fragility, it is the language of force deployed on your behalf.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like force, like we're a force to be reckoned with.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think Fabulous and Neo got it right when they sang, I'm a movement by myself, but I'm a force when we're together.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good all by myself, but what?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: But baby, you, you make me better.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So when a man says he doesn't want dominant, forward, or capable, what he's actually saying, whether he knows it or not, is I want the help, but I want it to come pre-shrunk.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: He wants the Ezher without the fire that makes her useful in battle.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And sis, you cannot have the responsibility of help meet without the capability.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't come that way.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it was never designed to come that way.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the audacity.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: The exact woman he's afraid of is the exact woman positioned to help him obtain favor from the Lord and walk fully into what he is called to do, not despite her strength, but because of it.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really getting riled up about it.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's good, all by itself.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's a story often attributed to our forever first lady, Michelle Obama.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's anecdotal at best, but it says she and the honorable, beloved, sainted forever president Barack Obama were dining at a restaurant owned by her former boyfriend.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And Barack, Mr.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: President, supposedly joked that if she had married that man, she would have been the wife of a restaurant owner.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And her comeback was essentially, no, if I had married him, he would have been president.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Period.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: How many of you know that you have the power and capability of helping a man meet his purpose?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if a man can't receive a capable woman, that's not a statement about her being too much.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's a statement about the size of the room he's currently able to stand in.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Some men are looking for a woman who fits in the room they're in, fits neatly in a box that they can manage.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: But a purpose partner, she's looking for a man who's building a bigger room and who isn't threatened when she brings architecture skills to the build.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I love the word purpose partner.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I always think of it when I look at a power couple, like they've come together for some formidable force to do something.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And let's just talk about what a purpose partner actually looks like.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think we've confused dominant with loud, and they're not the same thing.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be very talkative.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: When I was a kid, um now, of course, I was born in 1965.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, first of all, calm down.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: But when I was in school, in grade school, we used to get a report card.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: And our report card had letters for either A through F, and then we had numbers for citizenship one through three.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would get all A's and maybe a B, but predominantly all A's.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: But each and every class rated me a three for citizenship.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not good.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I was so talkative.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And at every parent teacher conference, I don't even know if you all still attend those, but at parent teacher conferences, my teachers will always explain to my mom if there's a group of kids sitting in a circle, she can guarantee that I was sitting in the middle telling a story about, I don't know, at church last night or whatever, or when we went on vacation, anything, but I was very talkative.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: But now, in my mature years, I've studied to be quiet.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not the most talkative woman in the room.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to be.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Purpose partners aren't defined by how much they talk, they're defined by what happens when they do.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: When I speak, it's not filler.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's not noise to feel silence because silence made somebody feel uncomfortable.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: When I open my mouth, there's a decision behind it.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: There's a strategy behind my words.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: And there's usually a plan already three steps ahead of the conversation that's happening in the room.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the woman I want you to walk into every room as.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Not the loudest, but the most load-bearing.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: A fragile woman needs the room to stay small so she can feel protected and secure in it.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: But a purpose partner can stand in a room that's expanding in real time, watch the walls move and not flinch because she's not looking for the room to protect her.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: She's looking for the room to be worthy of what she's carrying into it.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's an Isaiah 54 woman, the one who enlarges her tents and her territory.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: She stretches out her stakes.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: She makes room for more.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: She expects more.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the woman that scripture is describing.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not the help meet that's soft, like an accessory, but soft like the finish on forged steel.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like smooth to the touch but unbendable under pressure.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: It reminds me like of a magnificent sword that you have to be so careful and skillful even to handle, or it can cause you great harm.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody I'll catch that later.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: At TFT Realty, we don't just sell homes, we guide transitions.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're selling your current property to step into your next chapter, or you're a first-time home buyer ready to stop leasing and start owning.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: We bring strategy, clarity, and experience to every deal.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: My team is prepared to walk with you from consultation to closing, helping you make informed decisions that align with your lifestyle and financial goals.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to make a move in Atlanta's real estate market, now is the time to do it.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And we're ready when you are.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Visit TFTenterprises.net to schedule your consultation, send us an inquiry, or DM me today.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: TFT Realty, we are your key to Atlanta's real estate.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: We often refer to the perfect godly woman as the Proverbs 31 woman.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: But scripture doesn't describe the Proverbs 31 woman as delicate.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: She's buying fields, she's negotiating in the marketplace.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: She's clothed, actively clothed every single morning in strength and dignity.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a passive garment that she was born wearing.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's a decision she puts on before she walks out the door.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: The same way you put on a blazer or a suit before going to a meeting that you plan to own.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And the Ezar, the help meet, that word appears in Psalms describing the posture of God towards his people in their most desperate moments.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's the caliber of help God modeled, then no man should be asking a woman to shrink her help down, to be something smaller than what scripture calls holy.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all, this is good to me.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: I am preaching to myself.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't hear nobody in here.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like to think that when God created us, it was because men needed us.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Amen, lights.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I can't get no help in this monastery.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Until that point, God looked at everything that he had created and declared it as good.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: He created light, said, and it's good.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: He separated the water from the land and said it was good.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: He called the land to produce vegetation and said it was good.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: He separated light from the darkness.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: He set the sun, moon, and stars in place, and he said it was good.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: He created sea creatures and birds, looked at it and said it's good.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: He created animals and creatures to move on the land and said it was good.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Then God made man in his own image to rule over all that he had made and placed him in the Garden of Eden and said it was very good.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And after all of that, I'd like to embellish here.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I say he looked at Adam and S M H and was like, it is not good for him to be alone.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Adam couldn't be left to his own devices.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Then God created his help meet that was suitable for him.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And voila.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Here we are.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: He created Eve.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm totally being facetious, but God had done six declarations of good and one very good.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: And he looked at Adam and not calling Adam not good.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not downplaying Adam.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Before Eve, Adam had his own identity.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: He had fellowship with God.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: He was in his presence.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: He had a place.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: He lived in the Garden of Eden.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: He had provision, everything necessary for life.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was all available to him.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: He had purpose.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: He was charged with cultivating and protecting the garden.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: He had boundaries of what he could and could not do.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: But God looked at his condition, not him, but the condition of isolation and said, It's not good.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: That was the first time he said something wasn't good.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Adam was surrounded by creation, animals, both male and female.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: But the Bible says there was not found a helper comparable to him.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing in creation was his counterpart.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: God knew what he needed before Adam even realized the void and the absence of a counterpart.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And we know what happened next.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: God put Adam to sleep and took a rib and made woman from his side.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Not from his head to be over him, not from his feet to be under him, but from his side.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's language, I love.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not even saying that has to happen within the institution of holy matrimony.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Scripture strongly affirms meaningful singleness as well, but it does tell us that we were not designed for isolation.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Eve was created to correspond with Adam in purpose, intimacy, and partnership and assignment.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: God did not design capable women as an accident or circumstance or as a consolation prize for the ones who didn't get chosen fast enough.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: He designed us as the default.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: I really want us to have a mindset shift.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like we need to stop asking, am I too much?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: And start asking, is this room big enough for me?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Stop downplaying and apologizing for building platforms in record time.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: And start asking why nobody else deemed it necessary or possible to do.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: There are things that women do all the time, and it's downplayed, or we're like, oh yeah, I did, I helped out.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, it was because of you that it happened.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: And stop waiting for a man to give you permission to be the Ezar scripture already qualified you to be.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Your capability was never his to authorize.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was a sign before he walked in the room.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: God authorized you.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: God authorized me to be the person that I am.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: I walk in the authority that God has given me.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: This entire episode is meant to empower you.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: I trust that you're getting something from this.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're taking notes.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: This would be a good time for us to do a journal job.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I hope that you've ordered your journal.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't, stop right now and order it.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Go to sndypodcast.com and order your journal.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Stop writing notes on the back of an envelope or on random, disorganized notes and pieces of paper.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Get a journal.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Organize yourself.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to write this down and don't rush past it.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's a question I want you to ask yourself.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Where have I shrunk down to make myself easier to receive?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: And what would it look like to let my full capability be a suitable, comparable leader instead of just a supporting role?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Spend some time with that.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I really want you to take that in, write it down, think about it, go back to it this week, and start making some things happen for yourself.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to give you three affirmations, and we're wrapping up.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's been a lot.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: I trust it's not been polarizing.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to give you three affirmations that we want to say every day.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Make them a part of your repertoire of your affirmations.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: The first one is I am the Ezar, the force of purpose, and I make no apology for the passion that makes me effective.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, my silence does not diminish my presence.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And my strength does not disqualify me, it equips me.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, I create opportunities, I make pathways, I open doors, I build platforms and stages.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I do not need permission to recognize that as leadership.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're ever called a leader, walk in your role.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Call yourself a leader.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're primary, secondary, or whatever it is, you act as a leader.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Walk in that.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this cracked something open in you.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if it did, I want you to do three things.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: First, subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is only the beginning.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want you to drop the word Ezar, E-Z-E-R, anywhere in the comments so I know that this landed, that you got it.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then lastly, I want you to send this to a woman in your circle who just built somebody's room in a record time and hasn't been thanked for the concrete being poured yet.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Teresa.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is she's not done yet.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: And baby, she never was.