Latest / The OneCry Podcast / #205 Revival In Your Home (God's Plan - Part 2)

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#205 Revival In Your Home (God's Plan - Part 2) · The OneCry Podcast

• 0:02
  So what's the remedy? Does God have a remedy for that that would bring revival
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  to our home and resolve that conflict and that conditional love?
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  He does, and very simply put, it's learning how to accept my family and accept
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  my mate just as God in Christ has accepted me.
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  Welcome to the One Cry Podcast, a nationwide call for spiritual awakening.
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  The goal, accelerating the movement of God through sharing revival truth, stories, and reports.
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  Welcome to the One Cry Podcast. I am Bill Eliff, and I have again this week
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  my beautiful wife, Holly, that I have known since the seventh grade. Yes.
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  And that's a whole story. Holly, you prayed, wasn't it?
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  What was that prayer you prayed before we got married? Lord,
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  I want my life to not be boring or something like that.
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  Well, I've always asked the Lord not to give me a boring life.
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  Yeah. But. And boy, if you knew how after.
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  I did not know what that meant. Yeah. eight kids and 27 grandkids later and
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  traveling around the country and this and that and the other.
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  And a lot of he's, he's, uh,
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  He's challenged us, pushed us into places where we had to trust God.
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  And that's a wonderful, it's a hard thing, but it's a wonderful thing.
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  When Holly and I, we'd been married our senior year of college,
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  then we went to seminary.
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  And we heard about a thing called a marriage seminar that was coming to town
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  with a guy named Tim Timmons.
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  And that seminar, by the way, was a kind of a precursor to what family life
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  ministries would become and a lot of what they would teach.
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  And I ended up, we ended up years later in Little Rock where family life was
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  located, pastoring many of those staff people and stuff.
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  But it was life changing for us, wasn't it? I mean, when you get married,
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  you don't have a clue what you're doing.
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  All you have is what you've observed in your home.
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  And fortunately for us, we had great parents and a godly home.
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  And so we had some good training just about life. And we had good examples.
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  But you start living together in the same house or apartment at that moment.
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  And you just don't know what you're doing.
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  So we were feeling that in our early days.
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  And so we went to this conference and I will never forget,
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  This session, I don't remember anything else that he taught,
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  and I've adapted and changed this dramatically,
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  but we learned something that really brought revival to our relationship,
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  and it was real important.
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  And when we travel to churches and speak to them,
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  we know that if they want real revival, they really want to have something happen
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  to them that they would begin to walk with God in a deeper way than they ever have.
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  It's got to happen in the home, doesn't it, honey?
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  I mean, it just— Well, I don't think there's a better place to learn that than in your home.
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  Yeah, it's the laboratory. Because that's where, I mean, for me,
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  that's where I needed the Lord the most. Yeah. Yeah. That's where we live.
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  So anyway, and she lives with me, which means she really needs the Lord.
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  Some days more than others. Some days more than others. There are two common
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  scenes that are often in most homes that create the greatest friction.
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  Did I say fiction? I think I did. Yeah, I meant friction and conflict.
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  One is this, reacting to your mate's weaknesses.
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  In other words, everybody's got weaknesses. We all have our weaknesses.
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  And when you get into marriage, you just think, you get to the end of the first
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  year and about the end of that,
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  First year, you say, I didn't know he was going to do that every day.
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  I didn't know she was going to leave her makeup all over the counter.
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  I didn't know that. I didn't know that he was going to come stand behind me
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  when I was washing my face in the sink the first year we were married.
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  And I looked up and his head was right above me and he was making this horrible monster face.
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  And I turned around and shoved him and said, don't ever do that again.
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  She didn't know that I was going to surprise her a lot in marriage.
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  But we all have these weaknesses.
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  You know, the things that after a while, they might be funny at first,
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  but they're not funny after a while.
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  That never was funny. Yeah, but after the thousandth time that we're late somewhere
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  or the thousandth time that your husband leaves his clothes on the floor after
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  you've asked him not to do it,
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  it's just not, it's irritating.
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  And we react to those weaknesses. We start by saying, hey, would you please do this?
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  And when they don't, then it gets to be a problem. The second common scene in
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  a marriage is putting your mate on a performance treadmill.
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  In other words, what you say is, well, would you do this?
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  Or you're expecting them to do this? Or, you know, my dad never did that. Why are you doing that?
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  And you're saying what that communicates to your mate is, if you will perform
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  the way I think you ought to perform, then I love you. Then you'll get my acceptance.
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  Well, you can imagine these two things of reacting to your mate's weaknesses.
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  By the way, do you do that?
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  And number two, putting your mate on a performance treadmill. Do you ever do that?
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  That those two things build an atmosphere of conditional love.
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  And boy, that's no foundation for a home, is it? And lots of conflict. And lots of conflict.
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  I mean, it's just, really, I think it is a source of almost all conflict in
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  the home. So what's the remedy?
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  Does God have a remedy for that that would bring revival to our home and resolve
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  that conflict and that conditional love? Well, it does.
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  And very simply put, it's learning how to accept my family and accept my mate
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  just as God in Christ has accepted me in the same way.
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  And it's so simple what we're about to talk about and so profound.
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  And it's found in the second chapter of the Bible.
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  How cool is that? Right from the beginning, God illustrates it,
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  and he illustrates it with the moment when God creates Eve.
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  Now, what happens in Genesis 2, Holly, you know this and teach this,
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  is that God looked at all the animals and the creation.
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  He said, this is good, this is good, this is good. And then he made man and he said, it's not good.
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  In other words, it wasn't that it wasn't spectacular. He was made in the image
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  of God, but it was incomplete.
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  There's something missing. And he said, it's not good for man to be alone.
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  So I'm going to make a helpmate for him and...
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  Literally, that word means a completer, a compliment, right?
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  You know, Holly, when we were young around in our day, when kids would like
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  each other, you know, they had these half-heart necklaces. You remember those?
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  And you'd put them together and they just fit perfectly, right?
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  Then you'd give one to your girlfriend, one other guy.
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  And when you break up, you know, you'd throw it away or whatever.
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  So it's like that. I mean, God says, I'm not going to make the woman exactly
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  like the man. In fact, I'm going to make her very different.
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  I said, thank goodness. Thank goodness. Yeah. Nothing would have worked right.
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  And so he said, she's going to be just as much and just as gloriously made in
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  my image, but she's going to be different.
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  She's diverse from him. So this will work right.
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  And so let me just pick up the story right here in Genesis 2.
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  It said that the Lord said, it's not good for man to be alone.
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  I will make him a help me suitable for him.
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  And so he put Adam to sleep, as you know, and took from him and made the woman.
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  And before that happened, though, something really fascinating happened.
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  And that is that God one day in the garden said to Adam while he was still alone,
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  he said, Adam, we're going to do something today.
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  We're going to because you're the ruler of over the earth under me.
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  And we're going to name the animals. And so the Bible says, literally,
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  it says that Adam started naming the animals.
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  But among those animals, a helpmate
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  was not found that was suitable for Adam. So this is really funny.
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  It's like Adam's sitting there and here comes a hippopotamus.
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  He said, well, let's call that a hippopotamus, but let's don't call it my wife.
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  And then here's a giraffe comes by and he says, man, you know,
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  great neck, beautiful legs, but I don't think that would work.
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  And one by one, and you think, why in the world did God do it like this?
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  And they were directly looking for a mate for him, as they were naming,
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  because that's what the scripture says.
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  But I think what he was doing is he was developing an appreciation in Adam for what he was about to do.
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  So he puts Adam to sleep.
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  He creates Eve out of Adam.
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  And Adam wakes up and he sees Eve.
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  Now, you just think of this moment. But the Bible, you know,
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  black and white on the page, I don't think can quite capture the emotion of
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  that moment. And we read it like this.
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  We read that he looked at her and he said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.
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  She shall be called woman because she was taken out of a man. Not too romantic.
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  And I don't think that's how it happened. I think Adam woke up,
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  and based on what he'd been looking at for the last, you know,
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  two days of these other animals, he looked at her and probably said something like,
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  oh, my goodness, you know, hallelujah, whoa, Nellie, how wonderful is this?
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  I'm not sure he said, whoa, Nellie. Oh, I think he did.
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  He's from the South, you know. So anyway, it was just spectacular. And it was.
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  And in every way, she was a complement.
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  She was a completer to him. Physically, that was very clear, obviously.
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  Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, they just completed each other.
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  And, you know, you just got to believe that in those garden days before the
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  fall, it was just absolutely spectacular.
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  Because they were made in his image, but they were made different to complete each other.
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  And they were walking with God and living the way he designed.
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  Now, this illustrates if we want revival in our home, what we've got to do.
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  First of all, number one, you
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  write this down. Realize your mate has been given to you by God. Right.
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  The Bible says in Proverbs, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
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  The Bible says every good and perfect gift comes from above.
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  The Bible says children are a gift from the Lord and a reward.
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  Now, you might say, but you don't know my husband. You don't know.
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  He's I thought he was good. I thought this was going to be wonderful.
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  But boy, he's not good and he's not good for me. and you don't know how we got
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  together and blah, blah, blah, you know.
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  But the truth of the matter is, if you're married, that man,
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  that woman is the will of God for you now.
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  Regardless of how you got it, you may not have even been Christians.
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  You may have been a wild person and in your mind, as you look back,
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  made a dumb mistake marrying this person.
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  But it is not the will of God for you to be, to leave them.
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  And so God is in the redeeming. He can take anything and redeem it.
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  And he's in the redeeming business.
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  And so they are the will of God for you now.
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  And you can find a way to have fresh revival in that relationship and in that
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  home, if you all will cooperate with the Lord.
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  And so I've got to accept, I've just got to accept my mate and realize they're a gift from God.
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  Secondly, and this is key, accept your family, your mate as God's gift and perfect
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  provision for your needs.
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  Adam saw this right off in the garden atmosphere.
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  But we look at our mates after time, particularly at first, well, they're just perfect.
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  You know, you say, well, tell me about your wife. Oh, man, where I'm weak, she's strong.
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  You know, my wife is a good organizer. I'm not a good organizer.
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  We're a good complement to each. When I'm doing premarital counseling,
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  I always ask couples, I say, where do you see your wife already completing you?
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  Where do you see your husband already completing you? They instantly know.
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  You know, and that's what drew them to each other.
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  But over time, they start seeing the weaknesses and say, man,
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  those weaknesses, if he didn't have those weaknesses, then he would complete me.
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  But those weaknesses are destroying me.
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  And everybody, the men and the women, are going to have weaknesses. Everybody.
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  You can only find a perfect husband or wife. Finding a way to do that for each
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  other and still follow Christ, do exactly what he says.
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  But it doesn't mean necessarily that overnight that's going to happen.
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  No, and it doesn't mean that you condone sin and a mate's life.
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  That's not what we're talking about here.
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  When we went to that marriage seminar, I guess 50 years ago at least,
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  it's amazing. Who knows?
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  So they gave us a little worksheet.
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  I've taken that through the years and adapted it. I've used it with hundreds
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  and hundreds of couples that we've counseled with.
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  And I want you to just envision this sheet because it's going to be great to take a piece of paper.
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  And on the left-hand side in a column, write the words, my mate's strengths. Strengths.
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  And so I just encourage people, OK, take a minute and below that column,
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  just write your mate's strengths.
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  Well, he's this, she's this. That's that's easy to come up with.
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  In the next column, write my mate's weaknesses.
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  If you've been married very long, you you've identified those that that that page comes real easily.
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  And that that column might be a lot longer, longer. Yeah, because we tend to
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  focus on those weaknesses. Now, here's the key.
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  In the third column, write my responses to their weaknesses.
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  So you might have over here in column two, well, my mate's always late. They're always late.
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  And it just drives me nuts. And it's keeping me from being, you know, God's man.
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  And it's such a hindrance to our family, blah, blah, blah.
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  And in the third column, my response is you say, well, what do you do?
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  Well, I ask her, I tell her what time it is. Doesn't seem to help.
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  I yell at her. Honk the horn. I go out in the car and I honk the horn.
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  All those are so wonderfully helpful to your mate.
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  They just say, oh, he's honking the horn. It must be time to go.
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  So, and over this column, I get impatient. I get mad. I get angry.
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  We don't talk all the way to where we're going.
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  Over that column, you can write one word, and it's the word sin.
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  It's the word sin. I'm responding the wrong way.
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  And then write a fourth column next to that. And here's the column heading. it.
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  What character could God work in my life if I would respond God's way?
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  So, well, he could develop patience. He could develop kindness.
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  He could develop unconditional love.
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  And if I embrace the truth that my mate is God's gift to me,
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  even in their weaknesses,
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  even their weaknesses, if I respond the wrong way, I quit pointing the finger at them.
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  If you'd just be better, we'd have a happy marriage.
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  I start saying, Lord, what are you trying to teach me?
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  And regardless of whether they respond the right way, I'm going to respond the right way.
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  Well, and at some point, if you start doing that,
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  then that seesaw gets level because you're learning how to handle those things
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  with each other instead of always reacting to them. Yeah.
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  And instead of feeling like I'm a prisoner of circumstances,
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  I've got this husband, I've got this wife that always does these things.
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  You see yourself in a classroom of opportunity. Can I do your list next time?
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  They don't actually know that that was your list.
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  Now you just exposed it.
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  I made it pretty clear. Yeah, I did. Well, I'm just familiar.
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  It's just a clear illustration.
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  Anyway, so forgive me.
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  And then there's one more column.
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  So I've listed my mate's strengths, their weaknesses, my wrong responses,
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  the character God could develop, and what he wants to do, And identify that so that I can thank God,
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  not for the weakness, but for the opportunity to respond and grow,
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  even in spite of the weakness.
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  And then the last column is my new response.
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  So instead of yelling and screaming and honking the horn, I'm going to go and
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  say, hey, can I help you with the kids?
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  And when she pulls herself off the floor, you know, so, I mean,
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  there can be practical weaknesses and it just becomes I've got to develop a
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  new pattern. Well, you know what that does?
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  Instead of this reacting to their weaknesses and putting them on a performance
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  basis, you do this and I'll like you and I'll be nice to you.
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  Suddenly, I'm accepting my mate and appreciating my mate, even in their weaknesses.
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  Well, and honestly, those weaknesses drive us to need the Lord.
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  Oh, yeah. To be able to respond in the right way.
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  God's great tool to do that.
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  And then a final thing I would say about this, honey, is that you then go and
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  express this to your wife or to your husband.
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  Adam said something to Eve. You're bone of my bones.
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  You're mine. I'm yours. We're together and we're going to stay together.
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  And I might give you some suggestions about how to express that.
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  If you sit down with a legal pad and work on this like we're talking about,
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  you may need to go to your mate and start with a confession.
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  You know, hey, you know what? I've just been reacting, reacting, reacting.
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  I've been probably making you feel like if you don't do these things.
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  I remember a woman came in to counsel with us. I'll never forget this.
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  It was in Augusta, Georgia.
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  And she was such a perfectionist that it was driving their whole family nuts. And it was intense.
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  And as we talked with her.
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  It came out that her husband had said to her early in their marriage over and
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  over again, if you don't keep this house spotless, I'm leaving.
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  Well, it created this fear in her. And so she was trying to perform so that he'd stay.
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  So maybe it starts with a confession. Forgive me for doing these things.
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  And then a commitment to right responses. You know, I've worked on this.
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  I'm not going to do this perfectly.
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  Don't expect perfection, but I'm going to work on this. And by the grace of
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  God, I want to respond these ways.
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  And I want to thank God for you. I just, I knew what he is doing.
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  And here's the final thing, verbalize your commitment to permanence.
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  I'm in this thing. We were in Morristown, Tennessee, and this lady,
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  I had been teaching on this.
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  And a lady comes up to me one night. She has tears in her eyes. She's kind of laughing.
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  And I said, what? She said, you know, you taught that and you taught about that
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  commitment to permanence.
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  Well, my husband, who's a man of few words, was sitting there listening to all that.
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  And he wrote out the sheet. We were all doing it together.
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  And he said, the next morning he got up and I feed him his breakfast.
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  He always reads the paper And I kind of slide the food under the paper,
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  you know, at breakfast time.
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  And she said yesterday, through the paper, he didn't even lift his paper.
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  He said, honey, he said, I went to the burial service and I had your name written.
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  Scratched into the marble by mine. And that's all he said.
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  And she said, now, some men would say that more romantic.
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  And then she started to weep. And she said, but you know, in its own way,
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  what he was saying is, sink or swim, live or die, I'm in this thing with you till death.
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  She said, it meant more to me than anything he could possibly do.
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  Brought fresh revival to their home. It releases you from reacting to your mate's weaknesses.
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  You don't have to do that anymore because you see them as even a gift from God.
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  It releases them from feeling like they're on a performance basis.
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  And it's the greatest key to affecting change.
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  If you sit there nagging me about my weaknesses, I know something happens.
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  That's not an effective means. But if you will love me in the midst of that,
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  it's the greatest opportunity.
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  First Peter 3 is very clear about that. And it pleases your father.
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  It just says to God, God, you knew what you're doing when you gave me this mate.
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  And I'm going to accept the mate that you've given me and find you in the midst of it.
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  I promise you this will lead probably more than any other truth.
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  This will lead to revival in your home. So we want to pray this in.
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  And Holly, I'm going to ask you to just pray for us, would you? And lead our listeners.
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  Join us right now. Don't just listen, but join us as we pray.
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  Why don't you pray for this?
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  Father, we're just so grateful that not only did you create us in ways that
• 26:40
  you knew would be right, But also, you are constantly present with us.
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  When we desire it, when we choose it.
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  And when we do that, then the things that you have created to work, we get to live out.
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  And so what we do with those choices is huge. That's right.
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  And it matters for the rest of our life that we understand these truths.
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  And so we're grateful that you have recorded them for us, that you come to us
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  to allow us to live out those truths.
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  That's beautiful. Not only, Father, do you teach us, but you empower us if we look to you.
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  And so we pray that we wouldn't just be hearers, but we would be doers.
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  We would respond to what we've heard today.
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  And Lord, it could really lead to revival in our homes.
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  And that's what we pray for in your name. amen amen amen well thanks holly for
• 27:51
  being here and thanks everybody for joining us and we're going to talk about
• 27:56
  this next time uh we're going to do several more programs and podcasts on revival
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  in your home i hope you join us thanks.
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  Music.