Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / School is Bullsh*t | Ron Taylor | Don't Tell Comedy Secret Sets 🤣😁🤣🤣

Transcript

School is Bullsh*t | Ron Taylor | Don't Tell Comedy Secret Sets 🤣😁🤣🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on, white peoples?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Just get it out the way right now.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is my hair.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a hat.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: No white ladies, you can't touch it after the show.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ask.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: After every show I get some lady trying to trump my fucking fro.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: What if I grab your cooch?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Get out of here.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody think I'm a bitch.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because I wear glasses and got an afro.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Big guys be trying to kick my ass.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: What's up, little motherfucker?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Wait a minute, god damn it.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I can fight maybe.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I might surprise us both.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I have an astigmatism, not a muscle deficiency, though.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Try me, I might fuck you up.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm lying, I can't fight.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Got my ass whooped not too long ago in the fifth grade.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: But this is about a big tall, big strong girl.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a girl she whooped my ass.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: My daddy didn't want no bitch for a kid, so he put me in karate classes.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now I didn't know this at the time, and y'all might know this right now, but karate only work if both people know the shit.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: You ever think about that?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: The only time you see karate effectively being used is by two karate motherfuckers.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in here learning how to defend against crouching tiger head and dragon, then teaching me about this Sasquatch bitch stomping on my face.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck this wax off, wax on sense say, I'm dying.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: This shit don't work if ain't nobody gonna do this.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: You do this shit in a regular fight, that knock your goddamn head off.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: I got mad too.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, wait a minute, bitch, you're supposed to do this first.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: She's a stripper now, so I lost the battle, but I won the war.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: All throughout the pandemic, I didn't do nothing productive.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had this girl, and we like, she was my roommate, and then the pandemic hit, and you know, jailhouse rules, dog.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: We got locked up together, man, and started fucking.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just glad my roommate was a girl.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, get a different round up here, because ruse is ruse.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was weird being in a relationship throughout the pandemic, man.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Every other day she was like checking on the status of our relationship.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: What are we?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: What are we doing?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: What are we?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Bitch surviving.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: What are you talking about?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: More?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: You you you want to be closer?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: You want to get married?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we are quarantined in a studio apartment.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I inhale your farts, bitch.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: You don't get closer than that.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Pass the time, I was just watching YouTube videos, just going down rabbit holes.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I learned so much useless stuff.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know how to perform a C-section perfectly right now.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let a bitch go in the labor.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'll deliver the fuck out that day.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was watching these uh white women in Wisconsin.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what they was called, but that's what they were.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: They was cooking, and I would like to follow their recipes all throughout the pandemic, but it would always get to a point in their recipe where they would do some shit or ask for some shit that I couldn't get.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: They'd be like, all right, now go down to your local butcher.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, uh, wait a minute.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: What year do you live in?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Local butcher?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, an international butcher.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you want me to go down to the cobbler and have my shoes fixed?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Get a forked fashion by the blacksmith?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is it at Ralph's or Gelson's?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I know.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And white people, y'all been lying, man.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all made us think y'all couldn't cook all this time.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Bullshit! You can't.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know about spices and herbs and seasons, not the important one like salt, but y'all know.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: All the other ones.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Caprika, oregano, fucking time.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I thought time was a unit of measurements for moments past.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: You guys are fucking stupid.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's an herb.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay, we're all dumb.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take credit for anything stupid I say up here.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I'm a product of public schools.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: They don't teach you shit, man.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ain't public schools in here, public school in here.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Dumb little motherfucker.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Just waste our time.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: You ever think about how much time school wasted of ours?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: They don't teach us nothing important, nothing useful.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the most like important time that we go to school.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's when you can learn anything.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can be a fucking astronaut, learn multiple languages, and they teach us horse shit.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: For nothing.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a lot of time, too.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like you go to school for 12 years, you study subjects for six hours a day, five days a week, and you're not a professional none of that shit.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: How?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: How is that possible?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: How do you go somewhere and study things that long and not become a professional that?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I've been jumping rope for three weeks.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like Muhammad Ali already.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: These motherfuckers wasted my time.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Math class.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I learned nothing useful past addition, subtraction.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I should have been done after that.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: But they keep going.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know how to find the height of a tree using the shadow that it casts right now.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I can do that, but I got to call my mama every time it's time for me to do my taxes.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck that tree.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Cut it down.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I in the woods?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: These are better questions.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: What did you use to measure the shadow?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Use that on the tree, motherfucker.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's critical thinking.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Science class, I learned a bunch of bullshit.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: I learned about some of the most useless things in the world.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I learned about rocks.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Rocks, dawg.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything more useless than rocks?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: They don't grow, they don't melt, they don't move, they just there.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a whole semester on these pictures.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I learned about an igneous rock, a metamorphic rock, what's the last one?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Up dumb motherfuckers, all of them.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: A sedimentary rock.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: You ain't thought about that shit since school.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: You had a whole semester just for that laugh.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it was worth it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rocks.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck rocks.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't smoke crack.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I learning this?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Teach me something I can use in science class.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is fucked up.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Teach me something I can use in science, like how to do a pressure point abortion.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: That is fuck y'all!
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't say I would do it.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanna know how to.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody come up to you, I'm pregnant.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not no more.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hey playing playing parenthood right there.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all can eat shit goddamn.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's a joke for me.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: They practice the shit over there.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of white ladies out here tonight.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: You guys are cool.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: I dated a white lady before.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was interesting.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all a little too free.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all need some oppression in y'all lines.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: All right, white women just wait a minute.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus Christ.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta put a white woman under arrest when you fuck her.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Put your hands where I can see them.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Stop trying to put your finger in my ass, lady.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Stating this white girl, she wanted to peg me.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know what pegging is, good for you.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Pegging is when a woman puts on a strap-on dildo and fucks you in the butt.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was like, no.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: She was adamant though.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, come on, why would you try?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Why would you let me try?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, you might like it.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Said, excuse me, I might like it.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I'd like it.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I no quarrels with that.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm certain.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's gotta be great.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: There are marchers every June for it.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: There's no way it's not awesome.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: That don't mean I need to do it.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: She wasn't done.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, why won't you let me try?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, I had to tell like, look, goddammit, why won't I let you try?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Look, do I look like wow?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Why won't I let you try?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Cause cause you white.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's why.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: I can't let a white woman fuck me in the ass.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know how far back I took black people if I let a blue-eyed, blonde-haired devil fuck me in the ass?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: How about talk to my parents after that shit?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So and you couldn't find a sister to fuck you in the ass?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Get the fuck out of here.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Which one do I have time for?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let me see.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to make you guys laugh or make white people feel bad?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: What you want?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Both?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody said bad.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: You guys are masochists.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just say this.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Drink up, man.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Drink up, but be safe.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, don't drink too much, I guess.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's illegal.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even get it.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: All the rules around drinking is just weird.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta be 21.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Since who?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Why 21?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Why not 20?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why not 22?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: What's special about this number?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And how many other dangerous things you can do before you're 21?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can drive a car.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's very dangerous.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can be the police.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's very dangerous.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: You can be the police at 18.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can be in the war over there fighting for our freedom and safety at 18.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Alright?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put it into better perspective for you.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can do porn at 18.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can suck dick legally.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Pay taxes, have kids.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: You go to work, you have a hard day at work, you get off, you sticky, you crunchy, your pussy's on fire, you go home to three screaming kids, and you gotta drink a Capri Son?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Give that bit some tequila, she deserves it.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Stupid rules.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can't drink and drive.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck is the cup holder for?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's entrapment.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't drink and drive, why is there a parking lot at the liquor store?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: How the fuck do you think I got here on horseback?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Then they just send you to jail.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like that.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: They just like, oh, you go to jail.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, come, we got to have better solutions than that.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just you drink, you go to jail?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Give us like a lane or something.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like a drunk driving lane.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Bikers get it.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Get on the bus, you broke bitch, for driving here.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'll help design.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: It'll be a drunk driving lane, like when you take kids bowling, you put the bumpers up.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you just get to your destination.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or when you go to the car wash, you put your car in neutral on that tracks, and you just Lady Jim, that's my time.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Robin Taylor.