Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #661 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#661 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers.
0:10
Speaker 2: Now, my relationship with my daughter is completely intact. She
0:13
Speaker 2: feels loved, she feels understood, and I have a car
0:16
Speaker 2: that functions and works. I see so much goodness as
0:19
Speaker 2: opposed to what I could potentially see if I chose
0:22
Speaker 2: to see things differently.
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Speaker 3: People matter, things don't.
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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
0:28
Speaker 1: and dad.
0:28
Speaker 3: Well, pretty much the entire nation is now on school holidays.
0:32
Speaker 3: Everybody is I want to say, relaxing, but I don't
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Speaker 3: think so. We've heard about parent anxiety when it comes
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Speaker 3: to Christmas holidays, try to juggle babysitters. There's the financial cost,
0:42
Speaker 3: there's interest rates, there's fuel, there's food.
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Speaker 2: Look, that's just the shopping.
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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and how much is that costing at the moment.
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Speaker 3: But in spite of it all, in spite of it all,
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Speaker 3: I'm feeling really good, Like this is the time of
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Speaker 3: the year where we can, in spite of all that stuff,
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Speaker 3: take a breather, we can start to relax enjoy another's company,
1:01
Speaker 3: just like being around each other again.
1:03
Speaker 2: How are you going with that?
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Speaker 3: I am going great. So my Old Do Better Tomorrow.
1:07
Speaker 3: For those of you who are new to the podcast, welcome,
1:08
Speaker 3: great to have you along, Thanks for joining. Just when
1:10
Speaker 3: we're about to move away from regular programming for a
1:14
Speaker 3: few weeks. We're going to have some short podcast episodes
1:16
Speaker 3: over the next few weeks through Christmas, because hey, we
1:19
Speaker 3: want to have a holiday as well. But the last
1:21
Speaker 3: week or so, I've been awake every morning, nice and early,
1:24
Speaker 3: down the beach with whichever kids want to come. I
1:26
Speaker 3: haven't been forcing them, but I've had our twelve year
1:29
Speaker 3: old in particular, in the water pretty much every day,
1:32
Speaker 3: teaching her to surf, catching waves, swimming in the ocean.
1:36
Speaker 3: And I feel like that's my old Do Better Tomorrow,
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Speaker 3: just being available and saying, hey, kids, let's go out
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Speaker 3: of the beach, let's enjoy life. I've been planning some getaways,
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Speaker 3: some breaks for next year with some of the bigger
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Speaker 3: kids as well, and inviting them into sort of say hey,
1:49
Speaker 3: here's where we're going to be and here's what we're
1:50
Speaker 3: going to do. What do you want to do while
1:52
Speaker 3: we're there. That's it. My Old Do Better Tomorrow is
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Speaker 3: just time with the kids. I love holiday time. I
1:59
Speaker 3: just love it because we get to be normal instead
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Speaker 3: of under pressure all the time and trying to get
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Speaker 3: from here to there and do it all in a hurry.
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Speaker 2: Well, you were busy being normal. I might have had
2:09
Speaker 2: things just go a little bit skewed.
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Speaker 3: Just before we talk about your things going a little
2:14
Speaker 3: bit skewed, I want to just quickly mention highlights. We
2:18
Speaker 3: had an incredible highlight last week. You and I for
2:21
Speaker 3: the first time and I don't know how long, feels
2:23
Speaker 3: like a couple of years, managed to get away for
2:24
Speaker 3: a weekend with no kids. And how good was that?
2:28
Speaker 3: So part of I'll do bet It's moor. Part of
2:29
Speaker 3: being a great parent is having time for investing in
2:32
Speaker 3: the relationships that matter to you. And we jumped on
2:34
Speaker 3: an aeroplane. We hopped a flight to Melbourne and we
2:38
Speaker 3: saw Billy Joel live in concert at the MCG with
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Speaker 3: about I don't know eighty thousand other people and it
2:45
Speaker 3: was so good. It was just such an amazing, amazing night.
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Speaker 3: And his band, his team, oh my goodness, they are tight.
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Speaker 2: What I loved about it was just how generous he
2:58
Speaker 2: was with allowing them to shine.
3:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, the guitarists up there singing opera songs and doing
3:02
Speaker 3: solos of led Zeppelin, and then his percussionist is singing
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Speaker 3: Tina Turner River Deep Mountain Heigh, Oh mysh goodness smashed.
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Speaker 3: But the main point that I wanted to highlight was
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Speaker 3: just how good it felt for you and I to
3:15
Speaker 3: step into our relationship where we didn't have to parent
3:19
Speaker 3: and we didn't have to do all the stuff that
3:21
Speaker 3: goes with having a family. Oh, it felt so good.
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Speaker 3: If you're listening to this podcast and you haven't done
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Speaker 3: that for a while, can I please put it out there.
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Speaker 3: Just grab your diary, sit down with your partner, your husband,
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Speaker 3: your wife, your spouse, whoever it is that you want
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Speaker 3: to spend quality time with, and just pick one or
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Speaker 3: two weekends next year where you can pencil it in
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Speaker 3: ring the in laws. Do what have you've got to
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Speaker 3: do to get the support and get that time away.
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Speaker 3: It feels so good.
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Speaker 2: Last week we actually did our final Q and A
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Speaker 2: for the year Yes.
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Speaker 3: With our Happy Families premium members in our Happy Families membership, and.
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Speaker 2: One of the questions was how do you manage the
3:59
Speaker 2: messiness of family life? And the reality is you've given
4:02
Speaker 2: this amazing highlight of the weekend, but it was still
4:06
Speaker 2: really challenging to do it, and we had a few
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Speaker 2: kids away with cousins and a few kids taking care
4:12
Speaker 2: of themselves and the puppy. I've come home and the
4:15
Speaker 2: puppy's been eating my Christmas tree. We have had almost
4:19
Speaker 2: a week of no accidents in the house.
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Speaker 3: And the dog's been pupping in the in the house.
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Speaker 2: So the reality is there is always going to be
4:28
Speaker 2: reasons why it's actually not the right time, or it's
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Speaker 2: going to there's going to be an element of stress
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Speaker 2: associated with her. One of the children who was with
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Speaker 2: the cousins got homesick and wanted to come home and
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Speaker 2: hang out with the big sisters. Just there's always something
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Speaker 2: if we can keep our eye on the goal and
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Speaker 2: recognize that things are never going to be perfect, they're
4:49
Speaker 2: not going to work out miraculously the way we hope
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Speaker 2: they are, but we're there for a reason and we're
4:54
Speaker 2: doing good things. The family will survive.
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Speaker 3: So just wanted to just want to share the news
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Speaker 3: because it was so Highlie you have and I'll do
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Speaker 3: better tomorrow. That is worthy of legend status, and it's
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Speaker 3: a really wonderful way for you to finish off. I'll
5:13
Speaker 3: do better Tomorrow's for the year. Why don't you share
5:15
Speaker 3: the story.
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Speaker 2: Let's just say, after twenty five years of driving, I
5:19
Speaker 2: have never experienced this before in my life, and I
5:22
Speaker 2: hope that it never happens again. I was heading down
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Speaker 2: to Brisbane with one of our daughters and I was
5:27
Speaker 2: feeling a bit peckish and we were on a tight schedule.
5:29
Speaker 2: We had an appointment at five o'clock. It was quarter
5:31
Speaker 2: past four, and I looked at the tank and I thought,
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Speaker 2: by the time we get out of our appointment and
5:35
Speaker 2: come home, it's going to be rather late. I don't
5:37
Speaker 2: want to be filling up on the other end, So
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Speaker 2: can you fill up my car while I go on
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Speaker 2: and get food. She said yeah, sure. She said what
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Speaker 2: fuel do you use? And I said, I use premium
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Speaker 2: in mine, So just if you put the V power in,
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Speaker 2: we'll be right. I'll pay all my way out. So
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Speaker 2: I've gone in, got the food, I've gone to the
5:52
Speaker 2: counter to pay for my petrol and the assistant says
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Speaker 2: that was fifty seven leaders of diesel and I said, no,
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Speaker 2: it wasn't. And she said you're pump sixteen and I said, yep,
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Speaker 2: I am, but it's not diesel. I got premium and
6:06
Speaker 2: she said, yeah, premium diesel.
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Speaker 3: So before you go on with the story, anyone who
6:12
Speaker 3: works in a petrol station, can I just say this
6:16
Speaker 3: is just brilliant on the part of the service station attendant,
6:20
Speaker 3: because normally you just say sixteen and they say one
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Speaker 3: hundred and fifty bucks, and you pay the money for
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Speaker 3: the fuel and resent every cent of it because it
6:27
Speaker 3: used to only be one hundred bucks or eighty bucks
6:29
Speaker 3: or whatever it is. But she actually said, you've got
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Speaker 3: the diesel. She highlighted the diesel, and that one fact
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Speaker 3: meant saved us thousands, meant that we didn't have to
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Speaker 3: make an insurance claim. You didn't turn the car on
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Speaker 3: because the car doesn't take diesel, the car takes unladed.
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Speaker 2: So in my child's defense, I didn't actually even know
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Speaker 2: there was a premium diesel product, so it never occurred
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Speaker 2: to me, to be very specific. I just saw V power,
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Speaker 2: knew that I was having the premium product, and everything
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Speaker 2: was okay.
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Speaker 3: So kid's just expensive, right, Kids make mistakes. But what's
7:02
Speaker 3: that thing? That thing that I always say, Kylie, what's
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Speaker 3: that thing that I was set the end of the day.
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Speaker 3: People matter, things don't People matter, things don't.
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Speaker 2: And so I took a deep breath. I didn't even
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Speaker 2: pay I actually I looked at her and I just
7:13
Speaker 2: she saw my whole face drop and she just let
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Speaker 2: me walk away.
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Speaker 3: I just needed a moment just to clarify. Fuel is
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Speaker 3: the most expensive, it feels like it's ever been. And
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Speaker 3: she put seventy liters of diesel, like one hundred and
7:28
Speaker 3: fifty dollars worth of diesel into a car that doesn't
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Speaker 3: take diesel.
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Speaker 2: So I had no idea how I was supposed to
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Speaker 2: get out of this mess at all. So I walked outside.
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Speaker 2: I took a few deep breaths, and a man who'd
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Speaker 2: been standing behind me, he was getting into his car
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Speaker 2: and he just said, whatever you do, do not turn
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Speaker 2: your car on. I said, okay, I got that message,
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Speaker 2: But in my mind, I'm thinking what am I going
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Speaker 2: to do now? And I knew that I was going
7:52
Speaker 2: to ring you, but you were going to be no
7:53
Speaker 2: help because you would have had no idea what to
7:55
Speaker 2: do in that situation either. Anyway, the shop assistant comes
7:58
Speaker 2: out finally, and she hands me card and she said,
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Speaker 2: these people will be able to help you. And I've
8:02
Speaker 2: looked at it and gone, uh huh. Just I Honestly,
8:06
Speaker 2: I was speechless. I heard nothing. So they came and
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Speaker 2: they were able to siphon out the tank. But because
8:13
Speaker 2: our tanks, we've got sub tanks and they go over
8:16
Speaker 2: the top of the chassis, so he could easily get
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Speaker 2: to the one that was closest to the fuel pump side.
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Speaker 2: But he had to remove my back seat to get
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Speaker 2: onto the other side of the sub tank, and he'd
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Speaker 2: never done it before.
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Speaker 3: So this all started at what time? Four fifteen? And
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Speaker 3: what time did you leave the petrol.
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Speaker 2: I left at six forty five, so.
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Speaker 3: You were at the petrol station for two and a
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Speaker 3: half hours watching some guy pull the car apart.
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Speaker 2: Poor guy was just pouring with sweat.
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Speaker 3: Ah, honestly, and the petrol station, I'm guessing they didn't
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Speaker 3: like give you the tank of diesel for free.
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Speaker 2: They did not, So I paid for my tank of petrol.
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Speaker 2: I paid for him to come and siphon. That was
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Speaker 2: five hundred and eighty dollars because there's a surcharge per liter,
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Speaker 2: holy on top of just the fee of having them
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Speaker 2: come out. And then I got to fill my car
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Speaker 2: with unleaded.
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Speaker 3: Which costs another what one hundred and fifty bucks or something.
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Speaker 3: Like that, so effectively, what you're saying is it cost
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Speaker 3: nine hundred dollars to fill my tank. To fill the tank.
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Speaker 3: It's been a big week.
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Speaker 2: But you know, at the end of it, I just
9:13
Speaker 2: thought this could have been so much worse.
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Speaker 3: It could have been so.
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Speaker 2: Much worse, and I was just so grateful.
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Speaker 3: Did you yell at our twenty year old?
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Speaker 2: No? No, and because do you know what it could
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Speaker 2: have just as easily been me?
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Speaker 3: And did she learn the lesson?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, she learned the lesson.
9:30
Speaker 3: So a couple of things on parenting in relation to
9:32
Speaker 3: this amazing story. First off, when children make mistakes, they
9:38
Speaker 3: know every now and again. It might be appropriate to
9:41
Speaker 3: make sure that they know by asking some gentle questions,
9:44
Speaker 3: but we don't have to rub their face in it.
9:46
Speaker 3: We don't have to make sure that they learned their lesson.
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Speaker 3: When they make mistakes like this, especially unintentional, unforeseen errors,
9:54
Speaker 3: they know. Second thing, we love our daughter, but she
9:59
Speaker 3: does and get out of this scot free. So once
10:02
Speaker 3: she'd calmed down, this is the same daughter who wrote
10:05
Speaker 3: my car off a week earlier. She's not having a
10:08
Speaker 3: good time.
10:09
Speaker 2: She's not and she was so aware of I guess
10:12
Speaker 2: the financial.
10:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, we talked about the car being written off on
10:16
Speaker 3: I'd do about it tomorrow a week ago, didn't we
10:18
Speaker 3: With hitting of the Kangaroo, we did talk about that,
10:19
Speaker 3: I think a week ago. Yep. Great, ya we did yep.
10:22
Speaker 3: So so she's got to pay the excess on the
10:26
Speaker 3: car because she wrote the car off. She's now up
10:29
Speaker 3: for nine hundred dollars. Well, we paid for the tank
10:31
Speaker 3: of fuel that we were going to pay for anyway,
10:33
Speaker 3: but she's paid the remainder of it. She's paid like
10:35
Speaker 3: seven hundred bucks for that. Because she's still got to
10:38
Speaker 3: be accountable for her mistakes. But we're willing to be
10:41
Speaker 3: gentle with her. We're not rubbing it in, and we're
10:44
Speaker 3: willing to support her where we can. We've worked out
10:46
Speaker 3: a couple of things with her in relation to all
10:48
Speaker 3: of that, because it's really messed up her savings and
10:50
Speaker 3: her plans and all that kind of thing. But the
10:53
Speaker 3: central thing that I want to emphasize is we've been gentle,
10:57
Speaker 3: we've been kind, but we've also let her know that
10:59
Speaker 3: it's supportive as we are. There is a cost, and
11:04
Speaker 3: as the responsible person, she needs to bear some of
11:07
Speaker 3: that cost. There is accountability, yes.
11:09
Speaker 2: And a natural consequence. This is this is literally a
11:11
Speaker 2: natural consequence. I've made a mistake and it's going to
11:14
Speaker 2: cost this much money to fix. But even with the
11:19
Speaker 2: guy who came to help Siphon out the tank, he
11:22
Speaker 2: was really apologetic because it had taken him so long.
11:25
Speaker 2: He'd never taken out a back seat of ours and
11:27
Speaker 2: just could not, for the life of him work it out.
11:30
Speaker 2: And he just said, thank you so much for being
11:32
Speaker 2: patient with me. He said. The last time I had
11:34
Speaker 2: to learn on the job, he said, the woman literally
11:38
Speaker 2: blasted me and told me, if you're so incompetent, just leave. Wow,
11:44
Speaker 2: he said, he did.
11:46
Speaker 3: He did, He left.
11:48
Speaker 2: She was so abusive to him, and I just looked
11:50
Speaker 2: at him.
11:51
Speaker 3: She's stuck at a servo and she can't do anything.
11:53
Speaker 2: I just what's the point in me getting angry at you?
11:56
Speaker 2: The reality is I can't go anywhere without you.
11:59
Speaker 3: You're kind of imported into this whole story. Please stay, and.
12:02
Speaker 2: So for me, just I guess the learning for me
12:04
Speaker 2: out of all of this is once upon a time,
12:06
Speaker 2: I would have been so irate about this situation. I
12:09
Speaker 2: would have been so angry at my daughter for making
12:11
Speaker 2: what would have appeared to be just a stupid mistake.
12:15
Speaker 2: But the reality is it could have happened to anyone,
12:19
Speaker 2: and the more people I've talked to, even the shop
12:21
Speaker 2: assistant she actually said to me, not many stations have
12:24
Speaker 2: the premium diesel product. Like I said, I didn't even
12:26
Speaker 2: know it existed, So it was. It was just such
12:30
Speaker 2: an innocent mistake on her part, and my night didn't
12:34
Speaker 2: get destroyed.
12:35
Speaker 3: Well as a result, you missed the appointment and you
12:37
Speaker 3: drove all the way back to the Sunshine Coast from Brisbane.
12:39
Speaker 2: Well, it was a long drive to get some petrol.
12:42
Speaker 3: It was pretty expensive petrol too.
12:45
Speaker 2: Happy for now, my relationship with my daughter is completely intact.
12:50
Speaker 2: She feels loved, she feels understood, and I have a
12:53
Speaker 2: car that functions and works. There is somebody there to help,
12:57
Speaker 2: and I just I see so much goodness out of
12:59
Speaker 2: that story, as opposed to what I could potentially see
13:03
Speaker 2: if I chose to see things differently.
13:05
Speaker 3: People matter things, don't We Really hope you've enjoyed our
13:08
Speaker 3: old do better tomorrow today. Thanks for sharing the story, Kylie.
13:10
Speaker 3: Hopefully over the weekend and as we move into the
13:13
Speaker 3: summer holidays properly now you're going to be able to
13:16
Speaker 3: spend a whole lot of time in the park, or
13:18
Speaker 3: in the beach, or wherever it might be, with your family,
13:21
Speaker 3: enjoying the love and the time and the lack of routine.
13:25
Speaker 3: Have a wonderful weekend, and we'll be back with more
13:27
Speaker 3: on the Happy Families podcast on Monday. The Happy Famili's
13:30
Speaker 3: podcast is produced by Justin Ruhland from Bridge Media. Craig
13:33
Speaker 3: Bruce is our executive producer. If you want more information
13:37
Speaker 3: about making your family happier, please visit us at Happy
13:39
Speaker 3: Families dot com dot au.