Latest / After Maghrib 🌙 / Islamic values are backwards? (Ft. Str Wessen Al Shamary)

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Islamic values are backwards? (Ft. Str Wessen Al Shamary) · After Maghrib 🌙

0:00
Salaam alaikum warahmatullah. Welcome back to the aftermarket
0:03
podcast, I'm Ahmed and it's great to have you back on
0:05
brother sisters. Today, we have a really
0:07
interesting discussion for you. Obviously, you know, as well, as
0:11
I know the last few days, we've been hearing Non-Stop about how
0:15
Muslims and other communities have tried to impose their
0:18
beliefs, or their ideologies, on one another specifically, of
0:21
course, in regards to the World Cup but part of a broader
0:25
conversation. How important is it for us to
0:28
fit in we of course, many of us Us are not native in the
0:31
country. We live in sometimes and of
0:34
course, we live in countries where our religion is, not the
0:36
majority belief. So how do we fit in?
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How do we go about our day to day lives?
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How do we react when people judge us for, who we are, what
0:44
we say, what we believe I think this is really, really important
0:48
discussion and I'm sure you do as well.
0:50
Say it's all my legal. How you doing?
0:58
Hello. How are you?
0:59
I'm good. Good.
1:00
Obviously, excited. The World Cup has just begun.
1:04
Yes, and England managed to win today's game, so yeah, yeah,
1:08
we're actually filming on what's today's Monday?
1:10
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were 16 to yes, of course.
1:14
How are you supporting a spot in England?
1:16
It's playing in it because it was your own Ashley.
1:18
And I was like, thinking twice, shall I?
1:19
Support your on bus? The home is, whether it's yeah.
1:22
Yeah. I'm the laughs.
1:23
It will see how it goes and it's coming home.
1:25
We also have a nice announcement for the guests for the view is
1:28
rather, what is what? Is the big news, some think
1:31
1000? Yeah, yeah, 1000 subscribers
1:35
from sisters. Give it up for Allah.
1:38
Ya Allah, you made it happen. We couldn't be happier and
1:43
because of you, we've hit this milestone in what five months or
1:46
something, and I'm the last couple lot faster than we expect
1:49
the What It's Beginning. Yeah.
1:50
Previous podcasts or said, smash that sauce.
1:52
Right, 70, or 80 subscribers and last week, which our stage is a
1:57
lot. Yeah.
1:58
That was my quick. Yeah.
2:00
Yeah, I'm getting there today. We are sisters.
2:03
We are joined by a very special, guest sister, Wesson and the
2:06
Somali. How are you Somali at home?
2:08
And they come with sudarshan chakra and thank you for having
2:10
me on. Thank you for joining us.
2:12
How are you? Keeping very well hunted it down
2:14
and I think identity for positing even asking not support
2:17
anyone. Well the playing and I've lived
2:20
in well so that's part counts that was a home as well.
2:24
We have some sad news just before we started recording the
2:26
as we are recording Wells are losing one meal to the you.
2:29
U.s. Yeah.
2:31
That's why I don't do. What was that so far?
2:35
It's nice to have you on. This is not your first time.
2:38
No, no, my second time. Okay, cool.
2:41
And what have you kind of been? Of course we've been following
2:44
your work and you are for those who don't know, you're a life
2:48
coach and you work with people, you work with businesses
2:52
organizations and you work as you mentioned before to empower
2:56
communities. Can you tell us a bit about
2:58
yourself and A bit about kind of the work you do.
3:02
Yeah. So I was I haven't been a life
3:04
coach or a speaker for too long actually.
3:07
It already started during the pandemic or just slightly
3:10
before. But the pandemic kind of really
3:12
confirmed that I wanted to change my my course of life for
3:16
the better at handling that. So in terms of my background I
3:21
have a degree in medical biochemistry, so something
3:23
completely different. But I've always had this
3:25
Fascination round human psychology and human behavior.
3:30
But anyway, you know, I'll let me the scenic route so to speak,
3:34
20 years later. I'm finally here.
3:37
Yeah, that's how long it's taken.
3:39
But my so I've worked a number of years within the
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pharmaceutical Industries and in the labs and hospitals.
3:47
But my real passion was when I started when I had a young
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family teaching. Yeah, I did a lot of teaching
3:53
and training. So I've got, you know, about 20,
3:56
odd years of training under my belt and I think that's what
4:00
Really wants to do, you know, I just felt that was where I was
4:03
home and comfortable, inspiring people women in particular and
4:10
empowering them, but I didn't stay in teaching for too long
4:12
because I didn't like, having a boss.
4:15
I didn't like to adhere to paperwork, to be honest.
4:18
So yeah. Like so yeah.
4:24
How did that? I said like to in the pandemic
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and it's gone from strength to strength.
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Secondly, time, I have Hunted. My mother 5 as well.
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So I work a lot predominantly with women to help them be
4:35
productive with their time and help them kind of re identify
4:39
themselves after, perhaps losing themselves through marriage and
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motherhood. So yeah, my youngest at the
4:47
minute is one years old and, you know, Handler keeps me very very
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busy. Good point, Ibrahim Wash all of
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us Allah. So I mean, this is as relevant
5:04
for your youngest in the Life, you'll have inshallah as it is
5:06
to us today. And this concept and this
5:09
conversational fitting in is really important.
5:10
Said, Where Do We Begin? I'm gonna begin with, where you
5:14
started off with and you mentioned the World Cup?
5:16
Yeah, very interestingly, we've all witnessed over the last few
5:19
weeks even started a few months ago, but especially in the last
5:22
few days, the pressure. God, that was having as a
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nation, from the Western World, to pressurize them to drop their
5:29
values. Yeah.
5:30
And they stood their ground, they didn't let outside
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influence you know come and destroy the foundation's that
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they believe in one which is what.
5:37
For example, waiting rainbow Flags, another being allowed to
5:41
serve alcohol in the stadiums so I think is very relevant to the
5:45
conversation. We're going to have here today.
5:47
What do you think? Yeah it's a big one is I
5:49
definitely a big one and of course we know lost 1,000
5:52
dollars and all your car on that we made into different tribes
5:54
and people to get to know each other and that I think
5:57
multiculturalism is beautiful. Celebrate that.
6:00
But it doesn't mean that we should become so infused with
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each others, opinions that we should adopt one universal
6:06
Global value of goodness. And it's homogeneous and
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everyone we speak to and interact with, then has the same
6:12
opinions, so sometimes maybe if I'm not mistaken sisters, maybe
6:17
it's good not to fit in at times.
6:20
Of course, I've always been a bit of a rule breaker per se in
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that you don't need to follow the trends.
6:29
Hmm. You, you really don't be
6:31
yourself. I mean, in terms of my life
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coach and I talked a lot about self-awareness but then living
6:37
authentically. But what does authentically
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mean? It means living to your true
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values and being confident in your values that you don't feel
6:44
like you have to adhere to the trends, be different.
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Why not be different? Why do you have to you know be a
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sheep and just follow you know just just swim with the current.
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Why can't you be you know have your own thoughts and ideologies
6:58
on things but come it's comfy. From the religion from Islam.
7:01
No, you're very right. You know, nowadays everyone goes
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with the Wind Blows. So yeah, it is a very valid
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point that you bring and I think if I can add one thing is, I did
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before I came on the podcast knowing a little about what we
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were going to discuss today. I saw have looked into a few
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people. I'm very close with my going to
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Mission of the names best looking at a bit of their
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lifestyle. So I try to see what you know,
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why do they have a certain lifestyle?
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And I look like they follow certain people of influence.
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So I Like for example someone really likes supercars, he's
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following accounts that's like super cars.
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So I saw like influence plays a big role even though they don't
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want it for example, but as Muslims, how comfortable can we
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get where? We don't allow outside, pressure
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affect what we believe in against it, that's the beauty of
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living authentically that when you know that you're on the
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right path. Okay?
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Yeah, you will follow, you will adhere to that knowing that you
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shall. I, you're on the right path
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without Pressure of the external factors when I say external
8:04
there's so much noise. There's so much distractions out
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there and is hard. It is hard and you do fall into
8:12
that. You can fall into the Trap, but
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she know sometimes you need to be kind of ring back to in
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sometimes, whether it is combination of things, whether
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it's your conscience. That tells you the time year,
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you know, where your circle of influence, you say about
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influence, your circle, your network, look at your network.
8:27
Where are they go in? And is that you need?
8:29
Dan you astray? Yeah.
8:30
Review machine appoints and a few podcasts ago, we said you
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are like this is probably like, you know, a lot about you are
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the average of The Five People You spend the most definitely,
8:39
for sure. For sure is, I mean, it's
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something interesting because like we said, it will affect
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anyone at any age group. And if we take, for example, I
8:47
want to start on a specific point because you commented on
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the post we had probably like a week ago or so on a job and
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those are clip that we put on Instagram and specifically
8:58
discussing sisters who take off their.
8:59
Hey Joe But why that might be the case.
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In obviously we're brothers where guys?
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And I want to make that abundantly clear that we are
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nothing but observation lists and we will try to understand it
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as men in the community will try and support our sisters about
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what they're going through and we're not here to pass judgment
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but more as a case of us understanding the cause and if
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there's anything we can do as men to support or improve the
9:21
situation, your comment was was really nice and I wanted to ask
9:26
you if whether you feel that kind of conversation about her
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job She plays a part in this conversation of fitting in and
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kind of the pressures. And like you said, the outside
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influence job is such a big topic.
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I think it's one of the most important topic especially for
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women. Yes, but I say for women, but I
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think like you rightly said, what's your role as men?
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Yeah, whether as husbands as brothers as fathers, first of
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all, Not to judge. Hmm you don't know the story
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behind the girl taking off a job or wearing their part-time or
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whatever. You know the story may be.
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Personally for me, a job is very hard.
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It is very hard to wear but her job is also very empowering
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personally. It's a very liberating for me.
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It's a very liberating liberating thing when I stand up
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now and I speak as a coach, I just think honestly I genuinely
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feel on top of the world. Proud very proud, very proud
10:26
that handle a problem because and trust me I faced a lot of
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bigotry a lot of racism a lot of condemnation and you know from
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the nearest sometimes and dearest.
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But if anything that feels me to stand up and think okay I look
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at my role models of course in history while shall I you know
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and I think this is minor and the West you say about fitting
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in. In fact this is a form of jihad,
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you know. Your this is I Barda this Is
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worshipping, Allah. Yeah, and I mean, can you hear
10:56
the teaching teaching the points that I'm going with other lien
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on Charles like this? So, if there's any, if there's
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one piece of advice for the ladies out there, that think of
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it as a form of jihad, you know, how empowering is that alone?
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What about people who don't want to go through that jihad' and
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will? And I'm not saying this in like
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a derogatory way, but people who just have had too much, you
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know, we are very lucky. We live in a like one of the
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most cosmopolitan. Listen cities in the world in
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London and we are blessed to be around people who look like us
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and talk like us and so on but for a lot of brothers and
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sisters and this case sisters around the world who are the
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only for example hijabi in like 5 miles, radius, something like
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that. It's not as easy, you know?
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And it might be very hard in its times, they may wish that I want
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to fit in. I want to get a job.
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I want to have a healthy relationship, my co-workers and
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these kind of things. It's interesting.
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You bring this up because I was actually raised in a city called
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Bristol, if anybody knows that area, and I was the only dark
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person that only non-english person, the only her job in the
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school for many, many years. I had two schools actually, in
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the first school, I suffered a lot of abuse, a lot of races.
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And my job was pulled off and things like that.
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So don't look at me now and think, oh, you know, you live in
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London, you're surrounded by all these people and, you know, all
12:21
the Asians in the Muslims and what have you and you wear your
12:23
I comfortably. Yes, that's where I stand now
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but before it wasn't the case. You know, struggle, very big
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struggle. It was very, very difficult.
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You know, my mom used to have her job, hold off on the
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streets, you know, so it's but it's not easy.
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Okay, it's not easy. What can I say you for the sake
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of Allah? You try to continue it.
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Okay, I did think at one point, let me take off but my
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conscience just couldn't let me do it.
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Personally, my conscious just my love for old.
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I don't know what it was, maybe I just, I just couldn't do it
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for those sisters that don't can still want whatever troubles and
13:04
struggles. They're going through
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personally, you know, reach out to people.
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If you really have to talk to people connect with other women,
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if that's truly what you want to do.
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Hmm, if we can stick to her job, just a bit more.
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It's a huge Trend that started many years ago and now it's
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everywhere. It's like a panda.
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I think worse than the coronavirus and that's her job
13:26
is to toriel's and makeup tutorials.
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I left the coronavirus. I've got two daughters here and
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one other day, I was thinking I need, they're going to grow up
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looking at these people because they identify emotions as for me
13:40
and I don't have any daughters. Can you tell me what?
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That means as in? Why, why is you as a dad of
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young girls? Are you saying it's that bad?
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Because we know islamically. What her job is.
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Yeah. And for those people who are
13:54
doing these so-called tutorials, the they're not doing in the
14:00
right way. Am I from my understanding is
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not the correct way? It's not the correct way is, for
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example, to beautify yourself in a certain way.
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Is so as young Muslim, specially in the west not having two
14:10
daughters. What can we do?
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As Fathers as men being men, me and Ahmed, ya, La croatie?
14:15
I don't know. How can we help them?
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Should they come across these videos where we can tell them?
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That's wrong and this is right. That's tough question earlier.
14:25
Motivation for the kids? Yes, elevator vation.
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Now I have three daughters watch.
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I'll handle it. I have five children, as I said,
14:31
yeah, three of them at daughters and this used to worry me to sit
14:35
like sick of how. But you know what?
14:39
Again, for me personally I think it was just the role model they
14:43
had me. I was never perfect, hit
14:45
whatever that you might get a lot of hate for this as well,
14:47
say that I leave that people might say, but you're a man.
14:49
What is what what do you classify as the perfect Hedge?
14:52
Uh yeah style. Hmm and some women are going
14:55
through. Maybe transitions.
14:56
Yeah and they're trying this is where I think those say but your
14:59
man you don't know put on the hijab and walk out.
15:01
You don't know how it is, how hard it is.
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One more Dawn, they see who while I know why I bring it up
15:08
is because they're not using High job to say.
15:10
This is the way you should wear it.
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They're saying this is how you can turn into a passion.
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It's a start, what I can say. Yes, I know.
15:16
And this the thing at least I wouldn't have a job.
15:18
Yes, handle it. Okay, it's a start.
15:21
Let's educate these women, let's somehow, you know my daughter
15:25
talks about she we I try not to let them on and so I don't let
15:29
them but, you know, they don't go on social media too much but
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having said that they do learn a lot of positives from there.
15:35
Yes. Now her job tutorial.
15:38
Your wife example, might not do a hijab tutorial but maybe
15:42
encourage her to show them how to do.
15:44
But again, this is the role model that they see, you know
15:47
and I think for me personally, I never told my daughter to
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whether her job ham did Allah, they will When they literally
15:52
and they walk down with her job, as part of, you know, one of my
15:56
daughter's is to do it perfectly and pin it like so beautifully.
15:59
But was that? Because they saw me.
16:01
Yeah, you know, yeah. And we used to go modulus and
16:04
they were a buyers and things like that and then over the
16:07
course of time, they've want to say perfected, but they've
16:12
improved on that her job. I think sometimes you need to
16:15
let some girls being gay or their system perhaps, right?
16:20
Let them be okay. It's a tough trusting, ye unless
16:23
its up from because a guy I don't know what to think of it.
16:26
We don't face the struggles. Of course, it's like a lot of
16:29
people point us and say not just ask the two of us.
16:32
But guys, either have high expectations, and a job or they
16:36
have no expectations or low expectations of a job.
16:39
And And it's tough because obviously you're when someone
16:44
for example is like spouse hunting and they're looking for
16:47
someone to marry her job, is usually a big part of the
16:50
conversation. Like I've met friends who were
16:53
speaking to a girl, but the girl was not like they would click
16:57
and everything, but the girl would not meet his expectations
17:00
of a job, or, for example, her expected her standards of a
17:03
hijab or higher than his expectations, if that makes
17:05
sense. So, he would say, oh, loosen up,
17:07
or something, or for example, good solution for every job,
17:10
Yeah, so you get different types of people.
17:13
So I think it's a, it's a really tricky conversation.
17:15
Maybe one day we need like a full-on conversation on this
17:18
because we're just students. Of course, we're learning.
17:22
And we're always trying to understand more and what I lost
17:26
my doctor has told us to do coming back to this
17:29
conversation. Like there's there's so many
17:31
things I wanted to make clear in terms of men and the pressures
17:35
we have okay. Because look, I'll be honest,
17:38
there's been a lot of narrative In the last couple of months in
17:41
terms of the role of men and women specifically men on social
17:44
media and the likes of and root a Mac masculinity and so on and
17:48
so forth. So the expectation upon men now
17:51
is that men for example, have to be worries when you TV
17:56
providers, we need to be protectors, we can't be
17:58
pushovers. We have to be Alpha masculine
18:00
like level people if you see what I mean.
18:03
So from man, now to fit in that concept is developing.
18:08
And as a Muslim man, it's Even more complicated because fitting
18:12
in, in the western ideology is, for example, being lavish being
18:16
extravagant, buying the best drinks and big with the best
18:20
girls and so on and so forth. But as a Muslim, man, you have a
18:23
slightly different. Like set of practices.
18:27
What do you think? For example, is something we can
18:29
do as men to try to fit in better or should that even be
18:34
the goal for us? Should we be trying to fit in
18:36
better with wider Society? I always say Define, what does
18:42
you know, Define these terms? What does fun would this fit in
18:45
in mean? Yeah.
18:46
What does success mean? What does it?
18:49
What does all this mean? And who set these standards?
18:52
Yeah, according to him, too. When you say the West, let's
18:57
step back a bit. What do we mean by the West?
18:59
I think to call it West Western is wrong because I think one is
19:03
trying to say, is, for example values that contradict Islamic
19:07
values. Yes.
19:08
Because Firstly, the Western values that we have many of them
19:11
do align with Islam, okay? So for example, working harder
19:14
to get getting a nice house and doing well that okay, fine.
19:17
You can say this Islamic but then there's a stomach values
19:20
which superseded Western values for example like philanthropy.
19:24
Yeah. So for example in the Western
19:26
World being charitable is not seen as like an encourage thing,
19:30
I do you give charity, cool. You're a nice guy.
19:31
But for us, it's something encourage.
19:33
So we strive to do, but rewarding, yeah, holding, but
19:36
for a Muslim man to put his money towards Charity and not
19:40
towards clothes or going out. And, you know, like
19:43
overindulging in terms of Western stuff is what I say
19:46
Western values is it's not seen as normal.
19:50
So you may be judged easily by the forget, even just the
19:53
people, you know, but just wider society and the same goes for
19:56
example, online, social media is a big part of it, you maybe not
20:01
fitting in online because now obviously we have digital
20:04
communities and those communities are really distorted
20:08
and sometimes very Toxic and you mentioned yourself, sister.
20:10
Like there's, there's so much filth sometimes online and it's
20:14
very difficult to shy away from that.
20:16
I know I'm kind of completely different points, but I think as
20:19
men generally speaking, it's very, it can be very tough to
20:21
fit in but of course, it must be easier, visually, and
20:24
aesthetically for us than it would be for a sister, you know,
20:28
my go-to phrase, is who cares. What, why do you have to why'd
20:31
you have to care to? I like the energy who gives.
20:33
Yeah, I think really, you've got to have that kind of philosophy
20:37
or that mindset like Again, who are you trying to please?
20:42
Yeah. Who are you trying?
20:43
Okay. You say fitting in or you know
20:45
Tara did you do charity? You know you've got yourself so
20:49
much reward, you do something for your wife, your children but
20:53
you've missed out being with the lads but who cares like you know
20:57
what brings you fulfillment? Yeah.
20:59
Okay. And I'm not talking fulfillment
21:00
from Material or what have you each their own.
21:04
I'm not hurting anybody in the process.
21:06
I'm going home to my family or I'm doing x, y and Zed.
21:09
Who cares? Well, I yeah, but you surely
21:12
people could start interrupt you, surely people could turn
21:14
around and just give that same energy of who cares to Islam to
21:18
Aslam and say, that Islam is so rigid.
21:20
Who cares about all these rules? Why do I have to wear my hijab
21:22
like this or why do I have to pray like this?
21:24
But again, it's about perspective, right?
21:26
You say it's rigid? Yeah, I can say that, it's very
21:30
liberating. Yeah, it's if balanced.
21:32
Well, you can enjoy Dean and Dunya very well with a lot of
21:36
balance and love. He's actually, hmm.
21:39
You can I just ask elaborate on that point.
21:42
You say about rigid? There's only I think the
21:45
statistic is like there's only three percent in the put on,
21:48
okay. So this is a list teachings.
21:50
Yeah, that talks about commands and prohibitions, 3%.
21:56
So 97% is talking about morals. Ethics purpose of life,
22:02
gratitude, whatever else. Yeah.
22:05
Doesn't that sound like a self-help book does?
22:08
Yeah. Self-help book.
22:10
Okay. If he doesn't love a good
22:12
self-help book. Yeah.
22:14
Okay. For personal development.
22:16
Okay. Everything that the Quran
22:18
teaches that our literature is the Islam, whatever you want to
22:20
call it, you know, your faith. Your Iman religion, God is to
22:25
better yourself is to bring in a piece.
22:27
Well, as long as the answer to all questions, it does, as far
22:30
as I'm Lucius, all put it does. Let's read more, who cares?
22:36
Yeah, stay tuned guys that we actually used.
22:46
We recorded it already and we use that same phrase where we
22:49
said Islam is a self-help book. I'm pretty sure we said that.
22:52
But I do remember us discussing that Islam has all the all the
22:55
guidance and answers and the whole department gives us that.
22:59
But of course. Okay.
22:59
So let's go back to this to this one step further if you don't
23:01
mind. So if I'm if I'm living Society
23:05
and I'm in my job. For example, people may ask me
23:08
for example, why do you have to sit on a different table when we
23:11
go out for work lunches, or dinners or drinks or whatever?
23:15
And you sit on a different Table to where alcohol is being
23:17
served, which don't sit next to the girl, for example, and, you
23:21
know, a colleague may say, why are you trying so hard to fit in
23:25
with other Muslims or why you trying so hard not to fit in
23:27
with us? Do you see what I mean?
23:29
So, to say to everyone else, we may be seen as following a Very
23:34
rigid and impractical set of guides for a day-to-day life.
23:39
I don't know if it can be seen as what if it is seen as rigid
23:44
by non-muslims. Of course because we don't know
23:45
that but but you can understand why they may think that she saw.
23:49
What I mean, of course, we as Muslims as practicing Muslims,
23:51
we know that Islam is not rigid and we know a lot about table.
23:54
Gives us. Flexibility endless opportunity
23:57
but it's I'm sure it's something that we need to discuss because
24:00
of course, we have a lot of viewers who are around the world
24:03
and Who will face different challenges to us?
24:06
And I generally do think that we are sometimes innocently
24:10
ignorant of the advantage. We have living in the UK and
24:12
especially, living in London. Because we have opportunity
24:15
here, we have diversity. So you talk about at work places
24:21
and I've worked in corporate as a hijabi woman and I used to
24:29
Attend these events Christmas or what have you.
24:34
I don't really want to just because I just didn't really
24:36
want to know not for any other reason.
24:38
But if on now is fine, you need to be social and to be engaged
24:41
and active within the team. They knew that I didn't drink.
24:46
Yeah, it was fine. I'd sit with the girls or, you
24:49
know, the guys would be there. I don't see if you don't have
24:52
the Run intention. I don't see that.
24:54
There's a problem with that, you can, but that's not mean.
24:56
You can practice your religion. You're Dean whilst being
25:01
proactive and active within your place of work within your
25:04
community within Society. So by the way, I agree with you.
25:08
I just want to make that clear, okay, I'm not actually like I
25:11
don't think Devil's Advocate but I do believe that you can fit in
25:14
and you can at the same time, still practice for what you can
25:17
find that right balance. It's not impossible and it's
25:20
possible. I think the West knows more
25:22
about our values as well as you know what know there is.
25:25
So there is nothing that mutual respect and understanding that
25:28
we participate. Them as well as they do know
25:31
that we are normal human beings participate to what extent as an
25:36
attend, that's in these kind of things, you know, where if it's
25:39
a work thing then yeah you can attend these things you know.
25:42
Not to be kind of secluded or like you're saying to be like
25:45
extremely rigid or extreme you know perhaps but it's about your
25:50
exactly but it's about again you're near your intention you
25:54
know if it's just for work purposes but you know you need
25:57
to also be careful as to where that That leads to hmm.
26:00
And I think it's just about that again.
26:02
That comes from your perhaps will power your own combination
26:07
of things. Maybe your own conscience but
26:09
you know, just doesn't need on to go into over to a pub crawl
26:13
or something after. Yeah.
26:14
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
26:16
I hope most people don't know what that means.
26:18
Absolutely smash that like button.
26:20
So moving on, of course, I we mentioned earlier about social
26:24
media. Now, that's something I want to
26:25
talk about bit more but specifically for the younger
26:27
generation now. I think most of us had it.
26:30
Lucky in terms of the fact that when we were in school, there
26:33
was no social media towards the end of my school.
26:36
That was like Facebook and just come out roll the MSN Messenger
26:39
and I said, she a child all that stuff.
26:42
BBM Divya. Yeah.
26:54
Of course in school. You know you can be a year five
26:59
years. For, and you'll have an iPhone,
27:00
you know, and my Charles II, I saw a young girl at the age of
27:04
two, like a probably a couple of months ago.
27:07
Two years old, learn how to open Facebook messenger, and call
27:10
someone in there thinking. Wow, like this is my daughter
27:14
comes the rice. My phone.
27:15
Possibly know. The worst things I did at that
27:31
age, but it happens, but kids now are dying to fit in, not
27:36
just kind of face to face but online as well.
27:38
So they'll type the same way they'll post the same sort
27:41
pictures, they'll listen to the same type of music.
27:43
They will engage in the same sort of Interest so gaming
27:47
streaming all, that kind of stuff is very common.
27:50
All right. How do we, how do we address
27:53
that? So we might have a listener now.
27:55
Who's 16 17 years old? Or we may have a listener who's
27:58
got children. And who are teenagers?
28:00
Where Do We Begin? This is one of the, I think
28:05
biggest topic really, for our youth.
28:08
I have a daughter. My eldest is 16 and I always ask
28:11
her really, what is it that you? It was going through your mind.
28:17
Do you want to try and fit in? What do you know what you're
28:19
interested in? Now, when I ask about social
28:21
media specifically, she says, you need to let you need to let
28:26
children have exposure to it. Okay.
28:30
And I do believe that you do need to let them have that
28:33
exposure. However within reason you can't
28:37
control it because even if they don't do it in at home they will
28:41
do it. Perhaps behind your back.
28:42
Yeah. And that's the last thing you
28:43
want, okay? Brothers, it comes from a
28:47
variety of things, and I think about the way you bring up your
28:51
children, a combination of that with the circle of influence as
28:56
well, we discussed before many, many other factors but it's
29:01
hard. I mean, even adults, even as
29:04
adults, I think sometimes we can get lost in social media.
29:07
Wouldn't you agree. So, how are these kids?
29:10
But in terms of like the specifically, the topic of the
29:14
see things, and they want to do it as well, especially at that
29:16
age. Age.
29:17
They feel like they have maybe have fomo the fear of missing
29:20
out for more. Yeah, it's very difficult if you
29:22
don't instill Self-confidence. I think this what I do when I go
29:26
around to schools to secondary school, so I start from like
29:30
age, what? 11 12 years old, especially for
29:33
girls, it's for boys as well, but I think more.
29:35
So for the gods and the statistics say that it's more
29:38
for the girls, unfortunately. It's I think it's because they
29:40
lack the confidence insecurities.
29:44
And again wet. Where's that stemmed from?
29:48
Do we need to address concerns at home?
29:51
Doing to educate the parents, the children as well.
29:56
There's a lot that we need to tackle.
29:57
Okay, communities do more. Let's say, centers more stay.
30:00
They are doing things are coming on the ladies.
30:02
Yes, I have no idea but now that things are being done.
30:08
Now more, there's more online, kind of groups, accountability
30:13
kind of places that you can go and learn, but what I'm in
30:16
Charlotte in the new year, I'm going to be setting up for what
30:20
I have. I had one for the ladies and I'm
30:22
going to continue on for the ladies.
30:23
But for younger teenage girls, specifically, somewhere safe and
30:27
non-judgmental place where they can come together to air their
30:31
concerns and how can people find you online.
30:34
So, inch'allah through Instagram, we'll just just
30:36
Google my name. You'll find in shall have got
30:37
website coming up soon, but I'm on.
30:40
I'm determined to get these kind of memberships of these circles
30:43
up and running. I can't do it by myself and
30:45
shallow. This is something that This
30:48
bothers me to help join communities need to come
30:52
together and encourage our children to get involved with
30:55
these kind of. And that's why it's I think it's
30:57
a nice initiative. Sorry to interject.
30:59
I really like us. Growing up.
31:01
Brother's friends. Like if we had questions or
31:04
something, there was no way. I was asking about.
31:07
Yeah. Awesome like that.
31:08
Then yeah you couldn't with always like to speak to our
31:11
friends and we never want to speak with someone all that was.
31:13
We might be judged for. This is a very safe place.
31:16
No no definitely. I think It's something.
31:18
And again, this is why I became a life coach because the things
31:21
that my daughters were coming home with the things that they
31:23
were telling me that was happening at school.
31:25
I was like this, he needs to change.
31:28
Yeah. Should I be worried?
31:31
No. Yeah, you should be real.
31:32
I'm optimistic. Yes, I'm optimistic.
31:37
I think he's Sharla when you have that.
31:40
I think if you have the right up in Inwood, little home and show
31:43
my love will care. No, but it's true, you can lie
31:45
to yourself but the world is a scary place parents.
32:03
Like our kids are young like our kids aren't even like fully
32:05
into. We're not even in my kids, not
32:07
even in school that low in secondary school.
32:09
So We need to equipment. This is what I'm saying that we
32:13
need to equipment, the equip them.
32:15
Sorry. Think of it like an armor right
32:18
at that confidence in themselves that once they go out into the
32:21
world ten eleven twelve. I'm not even talking to 18 or 20
32:26
when they go out into the world that they can make their own,
32:29
the right decisions, maybe not the easy decisions, but the
32:32
right decisions and chill so that their conscience will say
32:36
to them. I can't, I shouldn't say, can I
32:39
ask you a question? Can you think of a moment in
32:41
your life where you've done that?
32:43
We've met like we've said, like no, like you've chosen to do the
32:47
right thing, so the easy thing, oh my God, where you've chosen
32:50
not to fit in like, you know, peer pressure or anything like
32:53
kind of drugs. Okay.
32:54
Yeah. I although, I am who I am.
32:58
I had many friends. I many surroundings, like there
33:00
were many friends would take drugs, and I think now is, like,
33:03
a big thing where it's become very normal.
33:06
So, you have teenagers, I'm talking maybe around my age is
33:09
16 17. 61 days, you know, those sort of years.
33:12
We've had many like fellow students friends at school.
33:15
They'll take we done all these things is that was always one
33:18
thing for me that I knew this is a huge X long as her arm and
33:22
knowing like the things that you can like, destroy your mental
33:27
health, destroy your spiritual health at all these things that
33:31
was a big thing for me. No one ever was doing around me,
33:33
part of me. That was like, a lot of a lot of
33:36
boys went through that. I went through that as well,
33:38
same kind of age, 15, 16 17, When you get exposed to it as
33:41
well. Oh, what is that?
33:42
Engulf, I'll be honest. Yeah.
33:45
Yeah it's tough. And like I remember when I was,
33:48
I think, when I was starting University we you know, we lived
33:51
in these Flats these dorms. So I lived with luckily I lived
33:56
all guys at the right eight guys, and once that but alcohol
34:01
like nonstop music, flat parties, all of that kind of
34:05
stuff and you've just got to stay away.
34:08
I remember, I'd lock myself in my room for fresh.
34:10
Week, which is like the first week when you join uni is long
34:13
ten years ago and I'd lock myself in my room and I remember
34:18
praying fudger like on the first day I got to UNI and thinking,
34:22
like, what am I doing? Where am I, where am I?
34:25
The walls are vibrating with music and but that's your test.
34:29
Yeah, yeah, past it. I hope so in Charlotte.
34:32
But it's it's I think that there's a lit.
34:34
There's a point in your life where when you become an adult
34:37
you there's a litmus test where you'll be like I have optional.
34:40
Option b, and at various stages kind of when we look at life
34:44
from a bird's-eye view, we will see those tests like flag points
34:48
on a scale. You know, we'll see like this
34:51
happen at this age and that have a nitrogen and then when you
34:53
zoom in a bit more, you have day-to-day tests.
34:56
So you have day to day choices, the challenges options, where
34:59
you can do the right thing or do the easy thing.
35:02
And it's very, very, very difficult at times and we
35:05
weren't always make the right decision but it's about
35:07
learning, isn't it is about? It's about improving, of course.
35:10
Paris play a key role in this because why, I want to mention
35:13
parents now because I get my example of saying, for example,
35:16
no to drugs. Yeah, that's 99% of the school.
35:20
I went to majority of my friends.
35:22
All Muslim no muslim almost them.
35:25
A lot of them are share as well. If I can be frank this I don't
35:29
think they had like the same upbringing.
35:32
Yeah, I need even though we grew up together, I know them from
35:34
primary school all the way all the way till six form.
35:36
That's for example, their kid, their parents.
35:38
Never sent them to Islamic school.
35:40
What their parents will never take them to the monster, didn't
35:42
really care. It was just a slum by name, and
35:44
I think if, as parents Charlotte new parents and exist in Paris,
35:48
we continued inshallah instilling values Islamic values
35:52
and our kids, they would know when to make the right call
35:54
inshallah and you say, about you have the younger children now?
35:57
Yeah. This is a, what kind of pocket?
35:58
That's what I mean. Yeah.
36:01
Yeah. But I'm saying that when you
36:09
equipment, equip them, You know, they come to 67 years old 8
36:13
years old and they have all these curiosity and all these
36:16
questions. These drink.
36:17
Wow, is coming out now really and they asked really intriguing
36:20
questions and it makes you ponder about religion about this
36:23
or what we do that or what why we not like this, why don't we
36:26
celebrate that? For example, Paul, you know that
36:28
gives an opportunity for you to learn interesting.
36:30
Really and then why did you do that at that stage?
36:33
Now there is only five by the way that she asked me the other
36:37
day always celebrating Christmas and talk to me.
36:40
You know, if it is part of his questions and other day, she
36:50
asks, why does God candy floss in the sky?
36:54
Just above the clouds by, that's so sweet.
36:56
So innocent, but they are learning.
36:58
They're trying to understand and they teach us in the process.
37:01
They make us, learn our religion, what's the best thing?
37:04
If you had a website, what's your favorite thing about being
37:07
a mother or parent? Oh wow.
37:15
Just being a mother. I think the it's rewarding it's
37:18
that it's exhausting I'm not gonna lie but I think Evelyn.
37:22
Is beneath your feet. That's the stuff.
37:25
You know. What's the best thing about
37:26
mother that unconditional love? I think for my children's
37:29
children one more. Hmm.
37:32
It makes me. Yeah.
37:33
I think we'll stop there because I think if we go further, I
37:35
won't I won't be able to hold myself back but really that
37:37
unconditional love. Yeah.
37:39
Yeah. Today for the first time.
37:42
Like my son's nearly one and like he's now a stage where we
37:46
play games with each other. Like so.
37:48
So like I would, I don't say silly, but it's like finally
37:52
getting to the stage where I can do stuff with her, but, you
37:54
know, it's so I'm not just changing him and making funny
37:58
noises and funny faces, but I'm playing with him.
38:00
So like now, I'm like, we're passing the ball to each other
38:03
or play football. Obviously, he's throwing it to
38:05
me and I'm passing it back to him or for example, like today,
38:08
I got home from work and for like a good half an hour.
38:11
We were just Just imitating. Each other's that why you were
38:13
late since the day. He was born, you've had like an
38:31
attachment to him, but for me only recently, I'm feeling like
38:35
a friendship with him or like a bond where he'll run to me when
38:40
I come home from work and stuff like that.
38:42
And I think fatherhood is very different to Motherhood, and it
38:45
kind of kind of comes back to our conversation about fitting
38:48
in because we live now in a world where people want to
38:52
assume each other's roles, and they want to assume that, you
38:55
know, not just, you know, slam teachers Equity.
38:58
But, you know, equality and gender.
39:00
Equality, and gender roles are being soaked, misconstrued, and
39:03
completed a, and it's a big issue because in my humble
39:07
opinion, I think that a mother has her own special ability, so,
39:12
Psychologically emotionally, even biologically to connect
39:14
with our children and a father doesn't have that in the same
39:17
way, do you know what I mean? So it's okay not to be like
39:21
someone else. You know, if you're a dad don't
39:23
be jealous of. I know, for example, though,
39:25
friend of mine, who said that he was he was he would get mad and
39:29
I would as well to be honest when they're his kid would
39:32
choose his wife over him, for example, it's okay.
39:36
Like you know you don't have to be someone else, your unique or
39:39
special in your own way. You have your own qualities,
39:41
your own character. It's your own attributes and we
39:43
should celebrate that because we're special allows creators
39:45
will unique. And no matter, you know, we just
39:48
hit eight billion people in the world and the fact that since
39:52
the beginning of time, there's been a tendency of millions.
39:54
Sorry, it's brilliant. It really well.
39:56
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone is different.
39:59
Everyone special. Yeah.
40:00
You know, we don't have to fit in with eight billion people and
40:02
even if you don't fit with the people around you, there are
40:04
people elsewhere who do fit with you, who do click with you.
40:07
So, but the fact that you were created the way I look at it as
40:10
I said, because I work with Le T's that's my like role as a
40:14
life. Coach personality types.
40:17
Yeah, the fact that you are created your unique.
40:22
The fact that unless you're still here, now, breathing your
40:26
unique. Yeah.
40:27
I look what you are here for a reason.
40:29
When people just just take a moment to think back like, okay,
40:33
and the fact that you were chosen the biology out of the
40:36
know how many billions as well, that's another unique nurse
40:41
about you. The lot to lot to be grateful
40:45
for. Hmm.
40:46
But that guy lost my dollar for it, like, you know, giving us
40:48
everything we have. Yeah, it's been, it's been a
40:51
nice conversation. I think I've learned a lot.
40:54
I've definitely feel calmer because I think you're very good
40:57
at your job, even if you don't trying to, I want you to listen
41:00
more so cleanse, maybe just reflects a lot of things.
41:03
The best before we end with the convo, you know, being alive,
41:06
coffee. Everything is there any advice
41:08
you can give us for the podcast? That's such a good question, but
41:11
have to end Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just be yourselves.
41:22
And I think that's what's getting you your Tier 1 K.
41:25
Mart is a free session, five, fingers individually or
41:32
collectively the different personality types and you bring
41:41
in your own Or and you bring in your own expertise and and your
41:45
life experience as well. Don't forget about that.
41:47
That you know, your individual struggles are your testimonies,
41:51
you know? And you don't know who out there
41:54
is listening that can benefit from any conversation that you
41:57
say one though. And that's the benefit.
41:59
All right. Yeah, keep us in the prices that
42:06
will keep you in an absolute honor.
42:11
Honestly, thank you. So much.
42:12
Thank you for. Thank God as always positive.
42:16
Thank you for tuning in before you go.
42:18
Hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
42:20
We've just hit 1K. How long will it be till we hit
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too? That's the next question.
42:25
We need to give it some thought and we'll set a deadline to
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that, but if you haven't subscribed, please was supposed
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to make a giveaway. Yeah, I think we should leave in
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the upcoming podcasts. Keep it applies to shot.
42:35
Like if I spilled, I think we contacted one of our
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collaborators and inshallah, we've got some some good Stuff
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So, you know, when every podcast drops and leave us a comment,
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tell us what you thought of sister Wesson and a lot of the
42:53
value should go talk to us on a. We learned a lot as well from
42:56
being in her presence. And if you've got anything to
42:58
add, as always, let us know, nice to be with you and
43:01
inshallah. We'll look for Technics weeks
43:02
long, but I like him a lot football records.