Latest / The Wicked Daughter - Caring For Your Aging Parents, One Meltdown at a Time / E011: Progress Is a Four-Letter Word

Transcript

E011: Progress Is a Four-Letter Word · The Wicked Daughter - Caring For Your Aging Parents, One Meltdown at a Time

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I thought I finally understood how hospitals worked.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: You went to the hospital, then rehab, then home.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Simple.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Until the hospital social worker walked into mom's room and said, We think an acute care hospital is the next step.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: I nodded.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Like I knew exactly what she was talking about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Wicked Daughter.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: If you've never heard of an acute care hospital before, welcome to the club.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Neither had I.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: And if this is your first episode, welcome.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: You're joining us in the middle of one family's caregiving journey after my mom was hit by a car.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Don't worry, you'll be able to follow along.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: But when we're done, I hope you'll go back to episode one and hear how the story began.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Last week we celebrated survival.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: This week, a different kind of work begins.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: An acute care hospital isn't rehab.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: It's still a hospital.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: But it's for patients who aren't ready for a full scale rehab because they still need hospital level medical care.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Think of it as a bridge between keeping someone alive and helping them get their life back.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Apparently, hospitals have more levels than Mario Brothers.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Most people stay there for a month or less.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: When mom was transferred, we had no idea whether she'd be there for a week, two weeks, or longer.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: At that point, I'd stopped trying to predict anything.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Every time I thought I knew what came next, caregiving had other plans.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: If you've been with me since episode one, you know that's become the story of this journey.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: The only thing we wanted to know was can they take care of her?
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: There were nurses around the clock, respiratory therapists, physical therapists, occupational therapists, dietitians, and doctors who rounded every day to manage her care.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: The facility could handle some procedures and urgent medical issues on site, but it wasn't a full service hospital.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: If mom developed another major complication, she'd be transferred back to the hospital.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Until now, our goal had been survival.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Now our goal was progress.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: And those are two very different things.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: The biggest surprise? We weren't teaching mom how to walk.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: She couldn't.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Her broken leg meant no weight bearing for at least another month.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Realistically, probably longer.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: So therapy looked nothing like I'd imagined.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Instead of taking steps, Mom was learning to move her fingers, lift her arms, close her hands, hold a fork, grip a toothbrush, brush her hair.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Baby steps without actually taking any.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: That's when I learned something else about caregiving.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Recovery isn't just medicine.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: It's relearning things most of us do without even thinking.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: And one of the hardest things for mom to relearn was holding a fork.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: It sounds so simple until you watch someone who can't close their hand around one.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I'd place the fork in her hand and she'd try.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: She'd drop it.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I'd put it back in her hand.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: She'd squeeze a little harder.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: It would slip again.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: She just couldn't get her fingers to close around it.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Day after day breakfast lunch.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: The same thing.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: By dinner she was exhausted.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'd just feed her.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Not because I wanted to, but because she was so frustrated and so defeated that I knew she didn't have anything left.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Every time I'd pick up the fork and feed her, I could see it in her face.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: This wasn't about eating.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: It was about losing one more piece of her independence.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: So every day I became her cheerleader.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Look, you closed your hand a little more today.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Tomorrow will be easier.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I never doubted she'd get there.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I just didn't know how much patience either of us had left before she did.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Then after a few days, she finally lifted the fork.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Success!!! Well sort of.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Instead of her mouth, the fork hit her nose.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: We both laughed.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: And honestly, we needed that laugh.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: It took another two or three tries before the food actually made it where it was supposed to go.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: But that wasn't the point.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: The point was she did it.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Not perfectly, not gracefully, but independently.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: And that tiny victory felt bigger than anything we'd celebrated in weeks.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: The fork wasn't the only thing we worked on.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Every day I became part physical therapist, part cheerleader, part motivational speaker for an audience of one.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Finish your exercises, mom, and I'll massage your shoulders.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: That became our deal.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Mom loved those neck massages.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, they helped with the stiffness, but I think they did something even more important.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: They gave her something to look forward to.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Because when you're bedridden, the days can start to feel very long.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: That's something nobody really prepares you for about being confined to a bed.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Not just what it does to your body, but what it does to your spirit.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Imagine needing someone to help you sit up, brush your teeth, wash your hair, help you with toileting, get dressed, even eat.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: You don't lose who you are, but you do lose some of your privacy, some of your dignity, and a lot of your sense of control.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: For someone who'd been active her entire life?
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I know that was a lot harder on mom than the broken leg itself.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: That's why we kept doing those hand exercises.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: We weren't just trying to get her fingers to move.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: We were practicing independence.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Recovery doesn't begin with the big milestones.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: It begins with the little things that eventually make the big milestones possible.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: I can't say enough good things about this hospital.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Every morning someone stopped by with tomorrow's menu.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Mom actually had choices.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: And not just one or two.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Real choices.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I never thought one of the highlights of her stay would be the hospital food.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Yet somehow it was.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I was there three times a day to help feed mom while she rebuilt the strength and coordination in her arms and hands.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: If I happened to be running late, an aid was usually already feeding her.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: And I was grateful because they had ten or fifteen patients depending on the day.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I had one.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: They couldn't spend five extra minutes waiting while mom struggled to hold a spoon.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I could.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: And those five minutes became therapy.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Every morning I'd stop by the nurse's station.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Morning.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: By the fourth day, we all knew each other's names.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: One thing I noticed during those few weeks, and this was just my experience.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I think things got taken care of a little more quickly because the staff knew I'd be back.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I wasn't there to second guess the staff.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I was there to be another set of eyes and ears for ma.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Not because they weren't doing their jobs, they absolutely were.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: The nurses and aides and therapists were wonderful.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: But they were caring for a lot of patients.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I was caring for one, and I knew what normal looked like for her.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: If I had a question, I'd ask it.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: If something hadn't been followed up on, I'd follow up.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: If I noticed a change, I'd mention it.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: And I think it made a difference.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Now I know not everyone can be there every day.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Life just doesn't make that possible.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: But if you can't, see if maybe someone else can stop by a friend, another family member, a neighbor because having someone who knows your loved one, who asked questions, notices the little things that can make all the difference.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Over those next few weeks, the little victories kept adding up.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Little by little, every specialist gave us good news Her lungs, her foot, the hematoma, even her oxygen.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Five liters became three.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Three became two then one and a half.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Every time they turned it down, I held my breath.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Because after everything we'd been through, I still wasn't used to good news.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Then one afternoon, Mom asked, Do I have to wear the bipap tonight?
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: The respiratory therapist smiled.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Do your breathing exercises today, and we'll see.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Now that was motivation.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Mom hated that bipap machine.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Every deep breath suddenly had a purpose.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Every breathing exercise brought her one step closer to sleeping without it.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: The next day the respiratory therapist walked into Mom's room.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Let's try one night without the bipap.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Mom looked like she'd just won the lottery.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: After weeks of having that machine strapped to her face, the bipap had officially become her least favorite roommate.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And finally, it was getting kicked out.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Until then, I'd been measuring progress in breathing exercises, oxygen levels, and therapy sessions.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I hadn't stopped to notice what everyone else was starting to see.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Around that time Dave kept saying, She looks so much better.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I thought he was just trying to make us feel better.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Then Pam said the same thing.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: That's when it hit me.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Caregivers don't always notice progress because we're living it one step at a time.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Mom really was getting stronger.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Not quickly, not dramatically just a little every day.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: She still couldn't stand.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: She still couldn't put weight on her broken leg.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: She hadn't even gotten out of bed yet.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: But she was doing more for herself every day.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And for the first time, we could see that all those tiny efforts were adding up. I'd believed she'd get there.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Now everyone else was finally seeing what I'd believed all along.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: We weren't just hoping Mom was finally getting better.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: We could actually see it.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: And after everything we'd been through, that felt pretty incredible.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Around here, we're calling that a win.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Until next time, take care of yourself too.
• 16:13
  Speaker: When your friends say cherish this time, you smile while you're losing your mind.
• 16:18
  Speaker: Was it the pharmacy line or the rush hour doctor drive?
• 16:24
  Speaker: So you swallow that glare with a laugh and a sigh and say, Don't fret, dear.
• 16:29
  Speaker: We're having the time of our lives.
• 16:32
  Speaker: Uh oh.
• 16:33
  Speaker: We're having the time.
• 16:35
  Speaker: The time of our lives.
• 16:37
  Speaker: Wicked daughter.