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The Toxic Truth: How To Spot And Handle Toxic People In Your Salon Interview with Jayne Johnson · Salon Success Secrets — The podcast for salon owners who are done hustling harder and ready to break their revenue ceiling.

• 0:36
  Speaker 1: salon owners.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: If you've ever had a team member, a client or even a friend who made you second guess yourself, drained your energy or created drama that's held your business back, this episode is going to be just for you.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Today, we're going to be uncovering the toxic truth, like how to understand people to a different degree and how to transform not only your life, but the life of the people that you serve every day.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Yes, because we are also salon owners.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: So we know we love people, we see the good in everyone and we want to help.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: But what if that kindness is costing you?
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: So today we are talking with a true legend, somebody who totally transformed our lives.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Today we have with us Jane Johnson.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: With janejohnsoncom, she is the one who opened up something right in front of our eyes that was truly in front of us the whole time, but that is toxic people, and once we became aware of them, everything changed.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Our business grew, we grew personally and we took back control of our energy and success.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: And, jane, you have so much knowledge beyond just toxic people, you know.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: But we know that that was something that truly we can point directly to and say you know, through your work with us on that.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: That that truly transformed our life, and so we are super excited to have you with us today.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the show, and we're just so grateful for you.
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Thank you for having me and I look forward to sharing whatever I can to help salon owners and anybody else have happier lives.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: Thanks for having me.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Who wouldn't want a happier life?
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: We love that, Jane.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Thank you, yeah, and, like Lindsay said, ditto, Like I can think of all the transformations, how you transform my life just by understanding people to a different degree.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: So you know, with that being said, we'd love to for you to just start by sharing a bit of your journey and how, like, you got into this work, what kind of work you do.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Who is Jane Johnson?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Just anything that you want to share to help our listeners get to know you more.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank you.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Well, I started a long time ago in personal development work as an attendee, you know, doing different programs.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: The first big one I ever did was 1976.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: And raise your hand if you weren't born yet.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I was in my 20s and.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: I had two children by then.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: But it really turned me around because it woke me up.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: I was just walking around asleep and you know, intelligence usually doesn't have a lot to do with whether people are asleep or not and so I really was.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: And it woke me up and in 1983, I got into the clearing work and that's what I'm still doing to this day.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: I love helping people.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: It just keeps me going in life.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: It's just the most meaningful thing to me.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: And while I was learning clearing, I started out as a server in a restaurant.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: We called it waitress, but that's a no-no word now, I guess, but server.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: I was a server and I raised my two kids by myself and it was great work.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: It was, hey, great exercise, right?
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, hey great exercise right?
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Yes, and I spent 20 years meeting hundreds, if not thousands, of different people, so I got this education.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: I just didn't know what to do with them until I got into clearing, got trained and then I combined the two and, yeah, I'm just grateful that I'll just sum up my life that way.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: I'm grateful I still have clients that I can work and and help people, so I'm looking forward to being helpful today with you, two people, wonderful people.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Thank you for working with me.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you, jane.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: We're so grateful for your journey and and you know what brought you here today, and just you know the, the information and technology and things that you share with us is, just, you know, timeless, and you know it's like a like when you understand people, that can help you in any line of work.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: You know, like you mentioned, whether you're a server or in the beauty industry or you're just a human being here on earth, understanding people is really, you know, one of the keys to success.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: You know, and I think sometimes the word you know we were talking earlier you know people can get triggered by words, and so you know, really understanding what a word means is helpful, and I think that's also another wonderful tool that you gave us was clearing words to truly understand what they mean.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: You know, because we all have our reactive definition to them and then there's the actual definition to them, and so when we look up the word toxic, you know it's Jane.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Do you want to tell us what toxic means?
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: and a little bit about toxic toxic means and a little bit about toxic.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean the word in general use, you know, means, uh, poison, you know, rattlesnake, venom, arsenic, poison, harmful and potentially more than you know, is very, very dangerous potentially and kill us.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, just say it.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so in the clearing world and other worlds as well, just in general personal development, a toxic person is harmful and when I first learned about it it was in 1983.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: When I first learned about it it was in 1983.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: I was told I couldn't do any more clearing until I learned about toxic people and it served me so well.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: But I do want to say you know, in the big picture, everybody's a good person.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: I think so.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Everybody's good at heart, good people.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: I think so, everybody's good at heart, good people.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: However, some people don't act that way and actions can harm us.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: Someone's coming at us to attack us.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure it's a good idea to just say well, everybody's a good person.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: People can hurt us and they can certainly hurt us physically but what I learned is people could hurt us with words and and actions and being harmful and they don't know it.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: I mean most toxic people think they're the greatest person around and that's why we don't tell people you're toxic.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: What me, what I know I?
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: I, I was just joking when I said you look like you gained 100 pounds.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: You know, I was just joking and these are the kind of things I learned when I studied toxic people.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: They don't know they're toxic.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: They think it's okay to joke like that.
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: It's just an example.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: You know, I was at the ballgame yesterday and this staff person at the ballgame was selling raffle tickets and I didn't want a raffle ticket, but he came over to me and sit in my seat trying to watch the ball game.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: You're blocking the didn't care.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: He didn't care and he said don't you care about the kids?
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: You know the the raffle would benefit the kids in the city and I'm trying to.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: That's, that's toxic.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: But until I studied, you know, and learned about all the ways we do notice if someone's toxic or not, I would have just thought oh yeah, of course I care about the kids.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: Here's my $20.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: Here's my $40.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: But please don't make me feel guilty like that.
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: You know it happens all the time.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: That's why I can come up with an example from yesterday, because there's so toxic people in the world.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: He thought he was being funny, but what he really was doing was trying to guilt me into buying a raffle ticket.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: So do you want to know if I bought one or not?
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I know, but I want to know.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: You know, in my my old self, my old uneducated self, yes, but no, I didn't buy one.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, and then he said he just kept going, you know, oh, you don't care about the kids, oh, you don't care about the poor kids.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Well, he went away, he left, he went back down the stairs to find some other victim, and you know what?
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: It's a great example, because he was a nice man, he didn't mean any harm, except that was a toxic thing to do to me.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: And he went on to the next person because he wants to make sales.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: And let's make sales by making people feel guilty, yeah, great.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: But because these people aren't aware and they really are not, and whether they think they're joking or they just think it's harmless to say certain toxic things we can't change them.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: And I don't try to change them, but I don't let them push me around, and that was the change for me.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: I used to let everybody push me around, everybody.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: Because why?
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Because everyone's good person, um.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: So I just learned to be discriminating in a um based on, I'm going to say, wisdom and knowledge these people are toxic or this person is toxic.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: I need to interact with them a certain way to protect me, to protect my family, to protect my clients, to protect other people, innocent people, because they really are harmful, and so that hence we use the word toxic.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: So I think I answered your question.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: That was great.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: You know it really made me think of.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: You know, we see that a lot in our industry.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Where you know people, it's almost like a it's a me mentality versus you know what's truly in it for the client.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Like you know, it'd be like if it's a me mentality versus you know what's truly in it for the client.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Like, um, you know it'd be like if they were trying to guilt somebody into buying something, um, you know, whether it's a product or whatever, um, but truly you know having the opposite, like if you, if he really wanted to be a good salesperson, you know if he would have learned what was important to you, um, and made it about you.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Not that there was enough time or that was the appropriate place for that, you know, but that would be the opposite of a toxic person.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: And you know, because, like it's almost like selling something's not bad, it was not the actual thing that was bad, it was like he, it was the emotional state that he was trying to bring you in to force you to purchase something that you didn't want to.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: And so I think I love that example, jane.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: I think that that's like an incredible example of how toxic people show up in our lives.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: But what would you say?
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: You know what is one of, like, the biggest misconceptions people have about toxic people.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so well.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: For one thing, I want to label his behavior as passive-aggressive.
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and when people do that, they really just think they're funny.
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm just joking.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: So I wanted to say that and I think the biggest misconception gosh, you know, wow is excusing it.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: That's what I always do, just excuse it.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Oh, they had a bad childhood.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: They didn't mean it.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: They don't know what.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: I'm too sensitive, because that's what toxic people will often say is you're too sensitive, you're taking it the wrong way, you're misinterpreting it.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: And I think that people in the beauty industry are artists, and artists are sensitive in the best of ways.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: You know that word is used like an insult.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: That is wrong.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: No, when someone's sensitive, it means they're alive, it means they care.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: These are my definitions they're alive, they care, um, they have a big heart and they're interested in the beauty industry.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: They're interested in making people feel pretty, feel beautiful, love themselves more.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: These are all amazing, uh, traits that they have, and people like that are targets for toxic people.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: Toxic people gravitate like a magnet.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: They don't know it, it's not conscious, but they can almost sense when someone is caring and has a big heart and they'll just attack the heck out of them and it's all if you could call it instinct or intuition in the worst of ways because they don't know they're doing it.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: So I consider myself sensitive in a good way, and I just had to learn to protect myself.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: So, to answer your question, I think the biggest misunderstanding is to excuse it and just make some excuse for the person Bad childhood, they didn't mean it, et cetera.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: And then you can't protect yourself, and then you can't protect yourself, and because you've already, in a way, by defending them, you're attacking yourself.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: yeah, I love that so good, jane.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I I that's so good is I love what you just said.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: When you're defending them, you're attacking yourself.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Because I truly believe we worked with thousands of salon owners.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Like one of the hardest things for salon owners is we're just natural givers, right.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: We're like, oh, you do something wrong, that's okay, no worries, here, we'll coach you, we'll just keep coaching you and coaching you and coaching you.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And like we wanted to really see the best in people, but sometimes that does backfire, um and so like, let's, let's think about it from a business aspect.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: What would be some like red flags I know you gave some examples and scenarios, but like what would be some big red flags that a toxic person would reveal on a team?
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Well, and you know, I want to say I've been doing clearing for 42 years and I've never said that statement.
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: That I just said to both of you and to your audience.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: It's because of you too, because you are supportive people, because you're good people, because you're the opposite of toxic.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: That sentence came to me and I'm so thank you for being who you are, and anyone who watches your podcast and learns from you is smart and lucky and fortunate.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, so I want to thank you.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: So, with respect to your question, and I really mean that.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: So, with respect to your question, and I really mean that.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: So, with respect to your question, there's degrees of toxic people.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: I think in many times in my life I've been a toxic person, but overall I'm not.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: I'm not from head to toe.
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: I'm not, you're not.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: There's most many people are, of course, are not.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: So there's degrees where a criminal would be terribly toxic.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: They harm other people all the time.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: And then there's the occasional person who just says something that hurts somebody else.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: The difference is a toxic person almost never says I'm sorry, they can't bear it, they cannot bear to be wrong, and so I'm not saying that one thing with the traits of a toxic person and the way you spot them is it's, it's so dangerous and I know you don't mean it this way either it's dangerous to say, oh, they were passive, aggressive they, they did this, they did that toxic person.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: It's best to notice a toxic trait and then you give that person the chance to prove you wrong.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: You know, prove that they're not.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: But neither do you delude yourself and go, oh, they're okay and excuse you, you don't do that.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: But you don't go the other way.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: And it's called a witch hunt, right?
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Call everybody a toxic person.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: So, um, I, yeah, so, um, I'm not sure I've answered your question yet, but I wanted to say that because these are key things to you want to be able to spot a toxic person on your team, for example, but you don't want to make a snap judgment and then you've labeled them and that's it, them and that's it.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: You never know, but ultimately the person will show you.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: And that makes me think of one of my favorite quotes, right From Maya Angelou, the poet, and she said when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that quote.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: And so we don't want to be excusing people when they are being mean and cruel.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: You said that, lindsay.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: It's the opposite of kindness.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: Toxic people are very cruel, but they do it in a passive, aggressive way most of the time, so that they can get excused and it's justified and they can just keep doing it.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: But anyway, yes, I've gone off on a tangent, sorry.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: So what are the traits of a toxic person?
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: Well, just think of cruelty, not the kind, that's obvious.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: They're very clever.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: Again, I don't think they know they're clever, but they really are.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: They're clever and they can be toxic, like the example I gave with the man at the ball game.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: It's just a statement that he said couple, you know, trying to make me feel guilty, but you have to call it.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: You have to call it as it is and so you look at your own values.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: You have to know what your own values are and what your boundaries are, what you think is okay for someone to say to you.
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: For example, as I said, my old self would have just felt guilty when he said that my new self says go away, so free.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: But again, I mean it's that subtlety where it's just you have to know what your own values are, what you would let someone the, way they would talk to you, what action they might have or not have, and then you, you go from there.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: And that's what changed for me really in the beginning was I just let anyone do anything to me?
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: And I started to realize I don't deserve that so when you have guests that come to the salon and they don't respect you, well, let's just say they're mean and let's say they are toxic.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: Some of them, them for sure, they are um.
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: Some of them Um.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: What do you do?
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: How do you?
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: How do you handle them?
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: And this takes me back to the scale of little bit toxic.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: And then the person at the other end who is really not only harming you as the stylist or the salon owner, but everyone else.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: It's like an, a rotten apple in the barrel, that old-fashioned saying um, because even let's say they're the toxic, um guests, but no one else in the salon can hear them, whatever they're saying or doing.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: But that energy is going everywhere and I just think that it's smart to protect yourselves without being mean.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to join this toxic person and be toxic to them.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you have to do that, just like a policeman would have to control a criminal, but I try not to.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: I don't have to do that.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: I mean, most of the time we don't have to go to that measure.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: But, um, if you don't protect yourself at all in any way, then you pay for it.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: You think it's your fault, you think you're too sensitive, you think you were wrong.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: They love to make you think you were wrong.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: So, um, yeah, who wants that on your team?
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: That just takes the whole team down.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: And again, who?
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: Me?
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I didn't know, I was just trying.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: That's very normal behavior for them and they believe it.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: They're not lying, as a rule.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: They they really believe they didn't do anything.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, I have an example of this.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: May I share it please?
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: This happened a long time ago.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: This, this man, uh, that I knew he um owed a doctor money or services.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: You know, the doctor saved his life, money or services.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: You know, the doctor saved his life.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: And this man was had grown up in poverty and poor.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: He had a job, though, and when I suggested to this man that he pay the doctor, this man said he doesn't need it.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: Wow the doctor doesn't need it, why should I pay need it?
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: Why should I pay him?
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: He has a lot of money.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: I have almost no money.
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, I own the money, but he doesn't need it.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: That's the kind of subtle.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: Well, maybe it's not so subtle, it just depends on your own values.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: But he never thought he was wrong.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: That was his perception.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: It all has to do with one's perception and one's values.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: So he really meant that.
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: Um, to me that's stealing.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: So it's just another example of what are your values, what are your boundaries.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: He doesn't need it.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: Wow, well, he didn't need it.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: What did that have to do with anything except to him?
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, I'm not sure what else to say right now.
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, different levels, different degrees on the ladder of somebody who's maybe you could call toxic people red light.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, and I love that example, jane.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, and I love that example, jane.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: I think you know what it reminds me of is just, you know, staying in exchange with people.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: And you know, when you don't have that natural want to stay in exchange with people, that can be a good red flag for, hey, that's a toxic person.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: You know, if you just want to take from another person, you know, that's the same thing as poisoning another person If you never want to give back to somebody, if you only want to take from them.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: To me, that would be another good example of like a red flag in a toxic person.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: You know, and I think, um, we were talking about this earlier.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Um, it reminded me of some quote.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I can't remember if it was in an interview or, um, where it came from, but it was like how much poison do you drink before you die, you know?
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: I think that the interview was something like you know, somebody said you know, how much do I put up with from my family?
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: You know, they keep, you know, doing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and the, the person that they were speaking with, said well, how much poison do you drink before you die?
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: You know, and I think, wow, that's a really shocking and powerful statement, you know.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: But but, man, you, you can't help but deny what's happening when you're just pouring on little tiny doses.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: And so you know, I'm just curious from your perspective, jane, like how do toxic people affect salon culture or team morale?
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: And like what would you say?
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Like when do you decide on the scale?
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Enough is enough?
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Or what ideas do you have around that thought, jane?
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah Well, thank you for sharing that quote.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: It is shocking, but it's so true and it's so helpful to think of it that way, because you said small doses and they eventually, at the least they can.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: Toxic person can make you sick, I mean physically ill.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: You could say well, um, it was cold out and I didn't wear my sweater.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: That's what I used to say.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Toxic people take our energy.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: But when you said that, I thought of, um, how many people over the course of you know my doing clearing with people in my career that you know sharing with them about toxic people?
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: And then they said but it's somebody in my family, if they even have the courage to say that, which takes courage.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Um, and my dad was a toxic person and I just went.
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: I went way overboard with trying to divest, you know, get him out of my life and I would never do that now.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: And so if it's's in my family or your family, I would my.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: My advice is just do your best to get along with them, unless it's just so much poison that you feel you have to do something about it.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: But I would be very cautious about going to extremes, because it is family, but family members can be toxic.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: I can't well, countless clients where somebody was toxic, but that's my advice about that.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: And then, when it's not so personal, you have more margin and leeway to take control and handle the situation.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: But if you don't, it just I think it can ruin a whole business, it can ruin a family, it can ruin a business, it can ruin a store.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: You ever been to a store where the manager or somebody was toxic?
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: And again, after learning this, there's just stories I wouldn't go back to.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's toxic stories.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: It's toxic.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, if you're attuned and you want to be attuned and present right as you two teach all the time about being present you walk into a space and you feel it, and a client or a guest comes into the salon and if you can feel it, then you said it before.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: When you know how to interact with people, people that's such a big key to success and it takes spotting it, spotting what the the flags are, as I said, cruelty, unkind, it's just when we see it.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: It's red flags are blatant.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: But, as I said, if you excuse it and or you don't want to see it, what if you don't want to see that in somebody?
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: yeah what if you?
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: You are big-hearted?
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: Of course you are, and you, you want to be givers and you are givers.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: It's hard to call it and say to yourself hey, what that person just said to me wasn't very nice, but if you also have confidence in yourself and you like yourself and you know you're not going to be treat them the way they're treating you, you don't do that.
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: But you also don't let them cause harm in your salon or your family, whatever it is.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: That's, that's just my view on it.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: Everybody should, I say should.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: I like to share the information about toxic people so that everyone can make their own decision how they're going to handle it, how they're going to treat people who are toxic, if they even maybe some people would think it's wrong.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: Just treat everybody the same way.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I don't say that's wrong, I just share what I feel, and then I support everyone in making their own decision.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: I did learn the hard way.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: To me.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: You said you know, maybe it just wasn't your time to see it.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: So, like I just share that with the listeners too, because that can be so freeing as well.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: As you start to, you know, work on yourself, do clearing with Jane, like things like that it really helps you to become the most beautiful version of yourself.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: And so now that we've kind of identified, you know, toxic people, you know what would you say is the best way for salon owners to handle this?
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: They have the evidence, they know this person is not serving their mission.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: You know they're doing things kind of undercover.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: It's time to release them.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: So what's the best way to release a toxic person on your team?
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: It wouldn't be, you're toxic, you're fire today, would it?
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Definitely not?
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so what would be like?
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: What be a way to?
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: to have that conversation.
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah well, I'm glad you brought this up and, um, I do want to say there are people again it's a ladder from the extreme to the minor we'll say and, and a really extremely toxic person will just keep pushing you and poking at you because they want you to react.
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: In many cases they want you to fire them, and if you don't, they just keep doing things to you that are very destructive.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: And I think in that case, no, you don't have to say you're toxic, it's not going to, no, I'm not.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: I mean no, they can't grasp that, but you do have to be.
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: I would say I don't want to say have to, but they push you into extreme measures to get them out of there because they're harming so many other people, your other guests, your team, your staff yourself.
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: Um, it's not right in the clearing world we call that, it's not ethical to let one person just to harm, harm so many other people, right?
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: So in some cases you would be.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: You wouldn't wait and wait and wait and wait and hope, and hope, and hope that they're going to get better.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: That's okay for a while, but if once it's clear to you that it's not going to change, then you really do have to get them out of your salon for the sake of everyone else.
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: If it's not that extreme, then my rule is because I do have clients who that's not true.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: Let me start that sentence over.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: I've had clients who are very destructive and I won't work with them, but neither will I say anything of the sort.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: I'll just say you know, maybe this isn't for you or maybe maybe I'm not the right person for you, just something that's kind.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: It's not hard to be kind, but also effective.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: If you it's just my belief if you allow a toxic person to harm a bunch of other people, a lot of, even one, even one other person, it's just, it's not right.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: But our society sometimes, you know, I, I don't need to go there.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: It's so true.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for sharing all that, and it's so funny that you know we talk with salon owners or we maybe we've even experienced on our teams too.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: When someone leaves, that fits into that category, like even more evidence starts to show up, so it gives the salon owners so much freedom that it was a hard choice, but it's the best choice.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: It's the best choice for you personally, it's the best choice for your team, it's the best choice for your clients, and so you know, it's just.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: It's really amazing, like when you do release that person from your team, how much everything else starts to thrive and grow because of that.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: So true, that is so true true, yeah, it's like pruning the tree or the bush or the allows new things to bloom oh, that's nice.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that is so true, I had.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: I had a.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: The way, it was taught to me, was get rid of them.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: That was the way it was taught to me so back in 83, you know, in the covered wagon days, no, I'm sorry, 1883, no, but I did have to sort it out for myself and and I came to, I learned the hard way.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: I, even after I learned this information, I kept a lot of people in my life who shouldn't have been there and I really paid for it.
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: And so to me I love the word balance.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: It's a balance of you know the information.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Maybe you realize someone's toxic, someone's toxic, and then you you handle it in a way that's for the benefit of the most number of people, but as kindly as you possibly can.
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: That was my conclusion after years of mistakes a good conclusion to come to.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: And you know, I know, I think that that can you know with all the salon owners.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: And you know, jen and I are obviously salon owners too and just as human beings like you do just truly want to see the best in others, love that.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: You shared that Maya Angelou quote earlier when you said she famously has said when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: And you know, because a lot of times people will continue to show you who they are.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: And I think we also have a great resource on our YouTube channel that talks about the four different types of employees.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: And you know a lot of it has to do with, like, if your values are in alignment with the company.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean Because, um, a toxic person, another trait could be just that their values are so different than yours.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: And you know, when you're aligned with somebody whose values are so different than yours, it's gonna feel draining to you, it's gonna feel going to feel like you are connected to a toxic person, because you're always.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: You know, for me, before I understood, you know, toxic people, I thought that there was something wrong with me and of course, I always want to get better.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: I'm a human being.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: I'm going to make mistakes.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: I'm going to, you know, try to get better every day.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: That's just part of our human journey.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: But when you find yourself questioning yourself a lot, that's a good indicator that you are connected.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: You know, jane, what is like one final piece of advice you'd give to a salon owner that might be dealing with a toxic person in their business right now?
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: Well, I'll tell you what comes to mind is when I first thought about years ago, when I thought about sharing this information, because it's so valuable, in a written form.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: What I did instead is I wrote that little book called Identifying Supportive People.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: I thought I don't want to write a negative book is I wrote that little book called identifying supportive people.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: I thought I don't want to write a negative book listing all these awful, even though it's helpful, you know, and it's a tool.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: But I just flipped it around and wrote a little book about identifying supportive people how to have a happier life.
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: It's a little ebook that I'd be happy to share with anyone.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: Free, take it.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: But I just wanted to say that because you can get focused on the toxic and it can bring you down, because there's a lot of it, it seems, in the world at large and it can be in a salon as well.
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: So the final advice would be probably a summary of what I said, which is well, always do your own personal development work.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: I mean, I recommend for anyone who's watching this podcast to work with you too.
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: Work with you too, because you have so much to offer, and do your own work.
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: Whatever it might be, do your own work, know your own values, your core values, know your boundaries, your core values, know your boundaries and when someone is toxic, be, be willing to acknowledge it, at least inside yourself, and then observe for a decent period of time, make sure you're not wrong about them, and then, if they're really really toxic, you have to, and then, if they're really really toxic, you have to release them.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: That's a good word Release them.
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: I released that guy yesterday at the ball game.
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: Release, you're forgiven.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: God bless you.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Well, salon owners, if this episode hit home for you and you're realizing that toxic energy might be holding your salon back, it's time to take action.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: So, jane, for those that want to learn more from you and and work with you, how can we find you?
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: What's your website, email, anything, ways to be connected to you?
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: oh well, thank you.
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: Um, I want people to work with you too, but I welcome anybody.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: Yes, thank you so much, and it's well.
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: My website is there and under my little picture there and my email is Jane at Jane Johnsoncom.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, thank you so much.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love helping, so, however I can do, that makes me happy.
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: So good.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you, jane.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: You are just a wealth of knowledge.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: We could probably spend another you know 20 years together uncovering so many valuable resources.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: You know, just when you understand people and you understand yourself, it helps you get around and the world a lot better, and so you know, thank you so much.
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: It helps you get around and the world a lot better, and so you know.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, jane, for your time today.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: Thank you everyone for listening.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: Um, you know we're we're so grateful for to have supportive connections like you, jane, and um, obviously our listeners.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: If this resonates with you, um, or really if it helped you in any way, share it with another salon owner who needs to hear it.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: And you know, if you've ever dealt with a toxic person in your business, dm us, send us a message.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: You can find our information in the show notes.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: We'll also drop that information Jane shared with her ebook.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: I know that that was a game changer for both Jen and I just being able to recognize those supportive people and really putting your focus on those supportive people so that you can create more amazing things in the world.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: So you know, you've obviously learned a lot about toxic people.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: Grab her valuable resource as well, because that will help you realize, like, okay, who are those game changing amazing people on your team that you already have, so that you can create more amazing things inside of the world.
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: So thanks so much for joining us, jane.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: We're so grateful for you, thank you.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: Thanks so much, all right.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning in.