Latest / Making Everyday Magic: The Podcast / What You Tolerate, You Endorse: Boundaries in Homeschooling and Parenting

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What You Tolerate, You Endorse: Boundaries in Homeschooling and Parenting · Making Everyday Magic: The Podcast

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  There is a phrase that I come back to over and over and over again in
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  business life and on on my channel,
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  in parenting, in real life, in friendships and relationships and homeschooling.
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  And that phrase is you endorse what you tolerate
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  every single thing that you let slide,
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  every single thing that
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  you leave a little, a little piece of your Jiminy Cricket
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  on the table, not properly addressing every single time
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  that you
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  just let it go instead of addressing it.
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  You are in actuality saying yes,
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  you are endorsing it, and you are encouraging it to continue happening.
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  And today that's what we're going to talk about.
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  Welcome back to making Everyday Magic. My name is Shanna.
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  If you are new here we are homeschooling my four.
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  I have a
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  current fourth grader and a current eighth grader.
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  We have been homeschooling for nine years, so I have been a parent for.
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  By the time you see this video, 14 years and married for so many more than that
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  and I mean together for 17 years now. And,
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  you know, a family member and a business owner and all the things and
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  it is true over and over and over again,
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  what you tolerate is what you and keeps.
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  And today we are going to talk about.
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  That if I would.
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  But before we go any further please scroll down, hit the big red subscribe button,
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  turn on that bell for notifications and give this video a thumbs up.
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  As always, you can find me right on down in the comments or over on Instagram at
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  Making Everyday Magic.
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  And yeah, we're going to dive right in.
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  And I'm really sorry because I know, at least for some of you,
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  this is going to be
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  uncomfortable.
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  And I just I don't know that it is something that you maybe have thought of.
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  You endorse what you tolerate.
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  So every time that you don't, well,
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  correct something in your homeschool,
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  every time that you don't
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  correct a behavior in your child,
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  when you lack that consistency
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  that I always tell you is so important.
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  Everything that should
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  be a firm boundary
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  or no or should receive some pushback every time one of those doesn't,
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  you are saying yes.
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  You are not only allowing
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  it, you are encouraging it.
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  If you have young children or even a pet,
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  you know that if you don't correct it, if you don't stop it, if you do not
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  redirect the behavior immediately,
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  it will continue.
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  They will think it's okay
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  and this is something that you have to learn the hard way.
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  You can have all of the best of intentions every step of the way,
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  but without being consistent,
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  it will backfire on you.
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  I want you to think about this with me.
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  So if you have a homeschool
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  that has a really hard time getting going in the morning,
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  have you considered that it's not actually your morning routine?
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  That's the problem.
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  It may be your evening routine.
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  So if you have a hard time getting your kids down,
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  if you aren't firm with bed time, if you don't, maybe have a routine
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  that allows your kids to relax and get into a good sleep
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  by not addressing that on the front end,
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  what you are actually doing is endorsing.
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  You are signing yourself up for a hectic
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  and crazy morning and so often so many of us are short sighted
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  and we don't see that that permissiveness is actually our downfall.
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  And it may seem easier in the moment to let him have five more minutes
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  on the screen in the evening.
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  It may seem harmless to let them stay up an extra hour,
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  but what you're actually doing is yourself a disservice.
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  Not just yourself, your child.
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  They don't want to behave badly.
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  They really don't.
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  But sometimes they genuinely cannot help it.
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  What you tolerate, you endorse.
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  And I know as women you have had relationships where this has happened
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  for example, myself in my previous life as a hairstylist,
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  there are perpetually people who will be late
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  or people who will no show.
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  And if you tolerate that one time without a firm and severe pushback,
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  then they start to think that it is okay.
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  I had one client in particular who was no.
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  All really bad for just not coming on a Saturday morning,
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  just not coming because she didn't feel like it,
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  or she had a hard time
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  getting out of bed or things like that, and it wasn't a big deal to her,
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  which is why so many hairstylists do have plans in place for cancellation.
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  Now, do I get me wrong?
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  There's always something happened. Yes. Something happens.
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  Yeah, you got a flat tire and you totally couldn't make it.
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  That's great. It's one. You get one usually.
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  And then after that you need a deposit to rebook or
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  you're not able to rebook or your hair
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  says, let's you know that you are actually not the best fit together.
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  And I have had to do all of those things because again,
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  what you tolerate, you are endorsing.
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  So if
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  let's bring it back to parenting,
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  you have a child who will be totally fine, okay.
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  But as soon as you say no, they fall on
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  crash course meltdown fits screaming and then in an effort
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  to save face and embarrassment, you acquiesce to what they want.
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  You've literally trained them.
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  You've told them that you will tolerate everything up to a certain point,
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  and then that point you give in, you are training them to treat you that way
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  and that is a problem.
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  Same thing with puppies, okay?
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  They know if they scratch the door hard
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  enough, you're going to give up and let them in.
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  You have to be consistent and you have to be firm
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  and you have to do it on the front end.
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  Or else if you do slack off school today,
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  who's to say you won't slack off school tomorrow?
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  And then again and again and again.
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  And before you know it, you're nowhere near where you want it to be.
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  I've seen so many reports
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  in the homeschool Facebook groups and the homeschool groups
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  where people get to the end of the year and they find out
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  their kid had actually done nothing, or learned nothing, or made no progress,
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  or they let it slack a little and then it was impossible to get going again.
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  What do you tolerate?
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  You endorse. And this comes back to everything.
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  Whether it's the cheeky comments from your mother in law or your mom,
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  whether it is the cheeky comments that you get in the comment
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  sections of your videos, what you tolerate, you endorse.
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  And I can assure you, as somebody who has awesome
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  RBF here, people don't do this with me.
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  I do not tolerate it, I do not.
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  I have a friend who is genuinely the nicest person on earth.
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  I actually a lot of friends
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  who are genuinely the nicest people on the face of the planet,
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  and I try to tell them all the time like you are being taken advantage of.
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  These people are no good for you.
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  I need you just say no.
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  Tell them. Blame it on me.
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  I will take the fall and I am okay with that.
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  What you tolerate, you endorse, and when you endorse it, it picks up speed
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  and it gets bigger
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  and more often and more terrible and more chaotic and more horrible.
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  Please do yourself a favor and I.
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  And there's another phrase that I do say very often.
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  I'm doing later, Sean, a favor by standing firm now, by having your boundaries,
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  by knowing what you will and will not tolerate.
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  Now you are deciding what later,
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  Sean it later you has to deal with when you cut it off.
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  Now, when you are firm,
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  when you have your boundaries, when you just don't take the shit.
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  Because sometimes I just don't take the shit.
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  You don't have to deal with that again later.
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  People know, but you are not to be trifled with.
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  And I assure you there is something on my face.
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  Okay, I don't know what it is about my aura,
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  but I do not take decisions and people do not bring me the shit, okay?
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  What you tolerate, you endorse.
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  Don't try to be a people pleaser.
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  Please do not.
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  Do not please as people please this person, okay?
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  Please this person. And I'm not saying be a jerk.
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  I'm not saying never help anybody. And I'm not saying things don't happen.
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  What I am saying is don't become a doormat.
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  Don't get stepped on, okay?
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  You're going to keep your home school in order.
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  You're going to keep your kids in order.
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  You're going to keep your relationships in order.
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  You're not going to tolerate these things.
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  And this actually happens quite a lot.
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  I hear this so much, and it is genuinely so sad.
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  The behavior of spouses and relationships
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  that women tolerate, I can not,
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  I cannot understand and I don't care where you are in any situation.
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  You can pivot and you can fix this right now.
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  And don't tell me that you can't.
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  Don't tell me that you're in too deep.
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  Don't tell you that it's not possible.
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  Do not.
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  You can decide right now for tomorrow.
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  You are not going to tolerate the things that you don't endorse,
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  because you have decided that's not how you want to be treated,
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  how you want to live, the things that you want to put up with.
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  Okay, you're going to call it out.
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  You're going to say what it is, and you're going to do it firmly,
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  kindly, but firmly, and you
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  are going to get the things that you do endorse.
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  Okay?
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  So if your kid is snippy to you,
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  given the right people and you think, nope, we're addressing that right now.
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  If your kid is screaming in the middle of somewhere, sit down next to me.
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  I have done it so many times in the middle of a store, like, no,
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  this is where we live now.
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  Oh, is this embarrassing for you?
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  Yeah. Me too. Here we go.
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  I want you to think about the bigger picture.
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  People are so short sighted when it comes to homeschool relationships,
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  parenting, puppy training, everything.
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  People are so short sighted right now.
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  I can't right now. I'm too tired.
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  What you tolerate, you endorse.
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  And it is becoming increasingly problematic as a society.
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  We don't tolerate this.
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  I'm so sorry, but no, that behavior was abhorrent.
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  You need to know
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  we are not going to do it, okay?
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  We are strong, proud parents.
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  We are happy homeschoolers.
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  We are raising the next generation of little humans,
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  and we are not going to tolerate the things that we do not endorse, okay?
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  We're going to use kind words, okay?
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  We are going to put our hands on people.
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  We're going to be respectful.
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  We're going to learn how to go out into public because yes,
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  the world is child friendly.
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  If your child is made for the world, your child feral, okay.
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  Your child has never had a curbing of their behavior.
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  Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you can control them
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  because you absolutely cannot.
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  But you can tell when the parent is trying and when the parent is not. Why?
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  Because what they tolerate, they endorse.
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  That's why when you're around people with bad behavior, what happens?
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  What happens? What do you see?
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  You see that what is tolerated is what is endorsed.
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  And what is endorsed is what becomes habit, what becomes behavior,
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  what becomes personality types.
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  We aren't going to do that because we have one.
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  A debt to society, right?
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  We owe society humans who can fit into it, one we owe those humans a society.
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  We want them to fit into. Two.
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  And we also owe it to ourselves to be around people
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  who we don't have to tolerate.
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  I hope that you found any of this helpful, entertaining, or informative.
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  If you did, please scroll down.
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  Hit that big red subscribe
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  button, turn on the bell for notifications and give this video a thumbs up.
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  I want to hear from you.
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  What is the situation that you decided you no longer tolerate, or a situation
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  that you do not tolerate?
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  What was the outcome?
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  Is it homeschool?
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  Is it relationship? Is it marriage? Is it?
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  I don't know, one of those Negro friends.
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  Is that somebody trying to get one over on you with the mechanic?
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  What is it? Is it in your homeschool?
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  Did you learn that
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  you had to change something and then you got the outcome you wanted?
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  Did you learn that you were letting it slide so much?
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  Maybe you're giving your kids snacks all day and then they don't eat dinner.
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  Maybe that's it. Maybe just add that simple.
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  What was the thing that made you realize
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  that what you tolerate, you endorse,
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  and you were not endorsing the outcome that you wanted?
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  What is it? I would love to hear it down in the comments.
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  No shame we've all done it.
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  And again, it's a lesson you can only learn the hard way, I assure you.
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  Next video after this one is going to be separating
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  idealism from realism in your homeschool, because those are very different things.
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  And in that space between them is where our homeschool guilt is.
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  Let's thrive, grows.
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  I guess.
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  For the
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  other.