Latest / Groove with Portia / Breaking Vows, The Grief & Rediscovering Self with Sandra Wint and Shannon Vitale

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Breaking Vows, The Grief & Rediscovering Self with Sandra Wint and Shannon Vitale · Groove with Portia

0:06
Welcome to Group of Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden treasures within grief.
0:10
I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and I'm inviting you to join
0:14
me on a transformative journey where we will exchange laughter, of course, the
0:17
best medicine of them all, reflect on cherished memories, remember that time that
0:21
the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his mother's at the amusement park yikes,
0:25
And of course, discover gratitude while navigating one of the life's hardest challenges
0:30
lost. So get ready to grow with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
0:35
dive in. Hey everybody, welcome back to Group of Porsche. I'm your
0:46
host and executive producer, Porsche the Producer. So today we are joined by
0:52
two dynamic women who are on a mission to what I call reframe the narrative
0:57
from a space of burnout to blessing, disappointment to discovery, and also converting
1:03
the pain from grief to a journey of purpose and fulfillment. So today we
1:10
are joined by Shannon Vitali, who is not what I call your average health
1:12
coach, but she is a certified transformational nutritional coach also Board certified in holistic
1:19
nutrition and founder of s Vitali Holistic Health. We're also joined by the amazing
1:26
Sander went, a just Stop professional, certified coach and also Advanced Women's Circle
1:32
facilitator. So welcome both of you too, grew with Porscha. How are
1:37
you doing today? Awesome? Thank you, We are wonderful. Thank you
1:42
excellent. So, as you guys know, I always always start off these
1:47
conversations with gratitude, and we'll start with you, Shannon, what are you
1:49
grateful for today? I actually was just having this conversation this marting with my
1:56
friend and I told her that every day I remind myself how blessed I am
2:02
to be able to choose what I do with my time during the day,
2:08
because it's not something that everybody can do, and sometimes I take it for
2:14
granted, especially when I'm having a bad day or have to do things I
2:17
don't want to. So I'm very, very grateful that I get to choose
2:23
what I do with my day. That's a blessing in itself, right.
2:28
Being able to wake up when you want to, I mean, if you
2:31
want to stay your pajamas all day, or kind of like me right now,
2:35
I have on my pajama bottoms underneath. Here, I'm not. I'm
2:37
kind of like the TV people, you know. You see, I'm all
2:39
dolled up at the top. But yeah, I have on my pajama bottoms,
2:42
which normally is just some fun shorts. But I can definitely relate to
2:47
you there, Shannon, That in itself is something to be grateful for every
2:52
day where you get to pick and choose how your day starts. So what
2:55
about you, Sandra, what are you grateful for today? Well, I'm
3:00
grateful to be here and really grateful to be able to do this work at
3:05
all to help women heal in whatever way they need that support, and that
3:10
we have the tools available to communicate that broadly. You know, I think
3:15
about even just when I was a young girl and there were not support systems
3:23
like there are today, or even the tools available to reach people and to
3:29
share with them that they're not alone. You know, it's so easy to
3:31
feel like you're the only ones struggling with a particular issue, whatever that issue
3:38
may be. And there are so many ways now to get the message out
3:42
there. We're not alone. We don't need to suffer alone. And there
3:46
are some excellent schools, techniques and people that can help us with those things.
3:52
So I'm really grateful to be able to do this work, and it's
3:55
work that I find fulfilling. Yeah, well, thank you. You know,
4:03
Sandra, I can definitely hear the passion in both you and Shannon's voices
4:10
when you talk about the gratitude of being able to number one, When you
4:14
wake up in the morning, you're not being screamed at like you're five minutes
4:17
late for work. Right. You get to have what I call the harmonic
4:21
blend where you're able to incorporate your purpose driven calling into your everyday life.
4:30
Hence why when I mentioned before we started that I didn't go to bed until
4:32
two o'clock this morning. But you know what, I am fired up just
4:36
like every other day because hosting grew A Porsha is my life. Doing this
4:43
connecting with other like minded women like you and having these deep conversations in order
4:47
to change the narrative. It fuels me every single day. Yeah, and
4:53
Sandra, both you and Shannon, you know, I'm going to dive into
4:56
the conversation because, as I mentioned before, grew A Porsha has to become
5:00
I'm a space where I want to help more people find that hidden gem or
5:03
hidden gift within their grief journey. And one of the things that you talked
5:08
about, Sandra was this sense of community and this seems to be a reoccurring
5:13
theme on grew with Porscha. Where As entrepreneurs, as people who are on
5:17
this purpose driven calling, we tend to what I call change communities, right,
5:24
And one thing we don't talk about is the grief that comes with that,
5:29
right, navigating from the corporate space to become an entrepreneur, not knowing
5:34
where to go right, who really meshes well with how you think? Right?
5:40
Changing different states, maybe changing different jobs, or maybe pivoting in your
5:45
entrepreneurial on devil And So, Sandra, I'm going to start with you,
5:49
what would you say for women who have been where you were right at one
5:55
point in your life, what would you say was the hidden gem for you
6:00
in your grief journey of number one, not having that support system in the
6:05
beginning and trying to fit in. And then number two, now that you
6:11
have been in the swing of entrepreneurship for a while, how are you embracing
6:16
the transitions that come from being an entrepreneur with grief as well? Wow,
6:26
such a powerful question. So I would say that there's a couple of different
6:30
things that popped in as you were asking me that question. The first one
6:33
is the theme of grief as it relates to what you thought your career and
6:40
your life was going to be about, only to find that either it's not
6:46
fulfilling you or it's not working out the way that you thought. You know,
6:49
we all fight for that next promotion, and we think that next promotion
6:54
is going to be the thing. And you know, I always used to
6:57
say, you know, you can climb the ladder, but if your ladders
7:00
on the wrong wall, are you going to be fulfilled? And we don't
7:05
often stop and think about that, and I can. In fact, when
7:10
you were saying, I got up, I went to bed at two am,
7:12
and it's like you don't wake up with like somebody saying you're late,
7:15
you're late, you're late. That used to be me every day waking up,
7:20
feet touching the ground and already the anxiety like at level nine, because
7:26
it's like I gotta get the kids going, I gotta get them out,
7:28
I gotta get showered, I gotta get my makeup on, I gotta get
7:30
everybody fed and out the door. And I gotta get to work and oh
7:33
my gosh, I didn't finish that report, and like, the anxiety every
7:39
morning was just huge, And so there was a grief around that related to
7:46
do I really want this? Right? It wasn't so much grief in the
7:51
sense that somebody was holding me back, although sometimes it felt like that.
7:57
It was more about I did everything I was supposed to do. Here I
8:01
am and like I'm miserable. Do I really want this? And then the
8:07
grief associated with if I leave, what was it all for? And what
8:13
am I going to do? How am I going to pay the bills?
8:16
Right? And then having left, the grief associated with what is my identity?
8:24
So much of my life was tied up with my job title and what
8:28
I did. And then suddenly I found myself in this world where I was
8:33
just somebody's mom, which is like a gift. Trust me, I am
8:37
not complaining about it by any stretch of the imagination. But still it wasn't
8:41
like who am I and redefining all of that. So what this journey to
8:48
entrepreneurship has really taught me is that we need to be fluid with our identities.
8:54
Were so married to our identity as things that society finds valuable verse and
9:05
end worthy versus just I am a human and I am entitled to metamorphosize myself
9:13
into like any definition that I want for myself in my life, and nobody
9:18
else needs to agree with that. So yeah, I think I'm still growing
9:24
in this experience. Um, there are definitely days when I wake up in
9:31
panic, where's the money coming from today? And you know, coincidentally,
9:39
it tends to line up with the end of the month or the beginning of
9:43
the month. You know, it just happens to be that way. But
9:46
and you know, we're just coming off the end of the month, beginning
9:48
of the month, So that's where my brain has been. But honestly,
9:52
it is a gift and a joy every day to be able to do what
9:56
I want to do and not feel like I'm tied. You signed the divorce
10:03
papers early, no one did shadd did you want to add anything? Oh
10:13
my gosh, Well, I totally echo at Sanders said. And there is
10:20
a the shift in identity. I feel like it is a major source of
10:26
grief one from moving from corporate right like I am this person right or I
10:33
thought I was this person to now well he the hell I am. I.
10:37
So there is a grief process there, But I feel like that also
10:41
extends to all of our life stages, right, Like, there's a grief
10:46
as you get older and you move between life stages. You know, your
10:50
kids are little, You're all in and now all of a sudden, they
10:54
don't need you as much anymore. There's a grief process there. You know,
11:00
there's a grief process. Well, now I'm entering into my middle midlife
11:03
and menopause, and there's a grief process for what was and what's you know,
11:09
I don't know what's going to be. And I think that's the same
11:11
thing with entrepreneurship, changing jobs, any transition. Really, grief is I
11:22
think one of the most important human emotions and it's pervasive throughout our lives,
11:31
and it is also the one we fear the most. So I love what
11:37
you're doing. Thank you, Shannon for one saying that, because I can
11:43
agree one hundred percent that grief is a part of this human experience and we
11:48
tend to run away from it instead of learning to embrace it. And through
11:56
my mom's transition, I've learned to do that through both of my parents.
12:01
Now, you know, when my mom made her transition. In the beginning,
12:05
I can admit there was a lot of fear that surfaced from all the
12:09
limiting beliefs Sandra, you hit on and about oh my god, the money's
12:13
not coming in. For me, it's like, oh, where's the money
12:16
going to come from? How am I gonna be able to work and balance?
12:20
Now? Trying to hold my emotions together? Right, because that's another
12:26
thing. When we're in grief, we tend to suppress all of our emotions
12:31
and then it's kind of like what I call filling up the coffee cup.
12:35
Everybody tells you everything's gonna be fine, so you just keep suppressing, suppressing,
12:39
suppressing. Well, eventually that cup's gonna overflow, and that's where it's
12:43
kind of like the boiling pot boiling over right. And I can say for
12:48
me, through this transition of both my parents, grief has been a pivotal
12:56
part of my transformation into this person who why I am today? And So,
13:01
Shannon and Sandra, before we jump into the next part of the conversation,
13:05
now start with you, Shannon. For our audience who are tuning in
13:09
if they want to connect with you and learn more about you. Is there
13:13
a social media handle or website you like to share with them, Shannon,
13:16
you go first. Yeah, they can find me on mostly on Facebook or
13:22
LinkedIn Facebook. It would just be at Vitali Holistic Health or my name Shannon
13:26
Vitali. And then I also have a website which is us Fataliti Holistic Health.
13:33
Those are the easiest ways. Excellent. What about you, Sandra,
13:37
So I can be found on Facebook and on Instagram, and my handle is
13:43
me her us ll Elsie. Yeah, because it really is about me her
13:50
and all of us together. Excellent, excellent. I love that me Her
13:56
Us. It's that inclusivity, right, It's that sense of community. I
14:03
want to go back, Sandra and Shannon to something that both of you hinted
14:09
on, this grief of identity, right, and I can say as I
14:16
am, I guess you can say, becoming fine like wine in my endeavors
14:22
in this new phase of my life. I've noticed that even for me acquiring
14:31
a new identity, there comes some grief. And both of you talked about
14:37
that grief of letting go of the corporate identity right to now I'm an entrepreneur,
14:43
but then maybe I'm also a mom. I'm also a spouse, and
14:48
so for both of you will start with you, Sandra, How can people,
14:54
newer entrepreneurs, other women who are going through what I call this identity
15:00
pivoting through their grief journey, what tips can you leave with them to really
15:05
give themselves some grace during that because I think we put so much pressure on
15:11
ourselves when we're making new paths in our life from this place that we used
15:20
to hold so near and dear Sandra said, you married to this title,
15:24
and now that it's been uprooted, how do we show ourselves grace through these
15:31
identity pivots that grief brings. Go ahead, Sandra, I love that.
15:39
I was listening to something over the weekend I think is relevant to this question,
15:46
and it was a discussion about the work that was done on the five
15:50
stages of grief and how really unuseful it is because we tend to think of
15:58
it as a linear process us when really it is anything but a linear process.
16:03
Right, So we think, oh, we're going to move through denial,
16:06
and then we're going to move through anger, and then we're going to
16:07
move and the reality is it doesn't work that way. And what the person
16:12
I was listening to was talking about is people like to tell you how it's
16:17
going to go, and they also like to tell you what you shouldn't shouldn't
16:23
do. And the challenge with all of that is, no one can tell
16:27
you anything right. You have to be open to experiencing what's happening. And
16:34
one of the things that the person was speaking about was, you know,
16:37
hijacking, right, You'll be in a location and all of a sudden,
16:44
you'll have this very powerful grief response. And for me, in context of
16:51
this work, you know, at first, it was like something would happen
16:56
and someone would tell me, or somebody would get promoted, I'd hear about
17:00
it, and then all of a sudden, it'd be like, oh right,
17:03
and you'd have all of these strange emotions. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe
17:10
it's happiness for the person, maybe it's like frustration, like why that person?
17:17
And the reality is they're all valid. Every single emotion that you feel
17:22
is valid, and you're never going to get to a point where you feel
17:29
at peace without experiencing all of those emotions. So if you shut them down
17:34
and say I'm not going to go there, that it just extends the process.
17:40
I'd like to say, I like to quote Sesame Street. You know
17:45
Grover does the over under, around and through, right, you know exactly
17:48
what I'm talking about, right, I have well anyway, So, unfortunately,
17:56
grief and emotional work of any sort, any kind of of integration or
18:00
healing work that happens with our emotional work has to be a process of going
18:07
through. It cannot be a process of going around over under, It just
18:12
doesn't work. Right. We can bury those feelings, they'll come out in
18:17
other ways, right, And so being aware that it's happening, being open
18:23
to it happening, giving yourself a moment to just cry, a moment to
18:30
just go out and scream, right, a moment to just like say whatever
18:34
you want to say to somebody who's not going to hold it against you.
18:38
Right. Those things are so valuable and so important, and they are part
18:45
of healing. Thank you for sharing that, Sanators. Shannon, did you
18:49
want to add something, Yeah, I wanted to add. I think that
18:53
when you're going through the process, right you're whether it's grief or whatever you're
19:02
dealing with, I think it's super super important to remember one that you're not
19:07
alone, right, and two it is so important for healing to open up,
19:15
find that support, find that community and not be afraid to open your
19:21
mouth and speak and share and be vulnerable, because once you are able to
19:26
speak those words and get those thoughts out of your body, you can start
19:32
to process them and you're not holding them inside right, and it can It's
19:37
very healing just to speak with others and to have someone there even just to
19:42
say, I just need to get all this stuff out. Don't need you
19:45
to say anything, but just so you can speak and have that other person
19:49
hold that space for you. It's so important. Oh, one hundred agree,
19:56
one hundred percent. Because I've That's why I started doing this again,
20:00
grew with Porsche, because I've found more strength and comfort speaking openly about my
20:07
grief journey. I mean, little little story time for both of you.
20:10
I think I might have shared this with you, Shannon. After my father
20:14
made his transition the same week of his funeral, I had a speech to
20:19
give, and so the very night after I left the funeral home from approving
20:26
his body for the public viewing, the very next day, I jumped onto
20:30
a zoom call with an organization called other Parents like Me, and they were
20:37
very accommodating, very sweet, and when I opened up and I said well,
20:40
everybody, I just want you to know that I just left from the
20:42
funeral home of making sure that my father's body was ready for the public viewing.
20:48
Everybody's face went stark white, and the facilitator asked me afterwards, Porsche,
20:56
we would have canceled, We would have I said, No, I
21:00
said, And even during the presentation, I was like, look, everybody,
21:03
if I start crying, I'm gonna still talk because I made a commitment
21:08
to be here, and I also know that I can speak to my pain
21:15
and also find purpose and fulfillment in this moment and be present. So all
21:22
that to say to go with, but both of you were just saying,
21:26
is that through this grief journey, we have to number one, feel number
21:33
two, be open to the fact that it's not going to be linear.
21:37
Number Three, we have to also hold space for ourselves, say something,
21:44
be you know, be a little vulnerable and transparent. I always talk about
21:47
that all the time, because you never know how being vulnerable can really prove
21:52
to be victorious in the long run. And speaking of being vulnerable and victorious,
21:59
I have to go to this for both of you, Shannon and Sandra,
22:03
both of you recently created this new program that is a combination of what
22:10
I call vulnerability needs functional health. So who wants to start by sharing with
22:18
our audience about your new program and how they can be a part of it.
22:26
M Shannon, I was gonna say, Sandra, yeah, away getting
22:32
shy here. Actually I was going I was going to mention before you we
22:40
switched topics, and I think it's relevant. You said, you know,
22:42
I jumped on this call after having left the funeral home, and I'm sure
22:48
there were a lot of people that heard you say that that judged how can
22:53
she do that? Right? And the reality is you knew what was right
22:59
for you, right? And judgment is our own, UM, it's it's
23:07
it's reveals to us what our expectations are, not anything about the other person,
23:14
right. So judgment is about me, right. When I am judging
23:18
somebody, I'm absolutely sharing what I believe right and not what's right for that
23:26
individual. And I applaud you for going through with that UM conversation, Porsche,
23:33
because you know and you knew what you needed to do to heal,
23:38
and you honored that UM. And so many of us take a different stance,
23:45
and we allow other people's judgment to color how we behave when when really
23:53
it's about honoring what's right for me, honoring what I need to do to
23:59
support myself. So good on you for that. And what I would say
24:04
is that really kind of leads into this whole conversation about this program that Shannon
24:10
and I are starting and have started. So Shannon skill is nutritional coaching,
24:19
and oftentimes when we think about nutritional coaching or what when I thought about it,
24:26
I shouldn't say everybody, but when I stand or thought about it,
24:30
I thought it was about dieting. And the challenge really is that diets don't
24:36
work. And part of the reason that diets don't work is because the underlying
24:42
emotion behind it is that I am wrong right, I need to be a
24:48
different way, I need to do something different, and I am judging myself
24:56
right. And we need to get to the bottom of those feelings, those
25:02
personal judgments in order for any program to really have a powerful long term effect.
25:10
So it's not about dining. It is about how do we understand the
25:15
judgments and the shaming and the expectations and the grief and the guilt that we
25:21
feel about ourselves and our bodies, especially as women, because oh my gosh,
25:26
women have so many judgments put on them and their bodies, and so
25:33
I thought it was really important. In fact, I invited Shannon and a
25:37
couple of other nutritional coaches to come and have a conversation with me about,
25:42
you know, other people's expectations and what it's like to live in a large
25:45
body and be faced with those judgments and those expectations and those and to be
25:53
confronted and you think, oh, you're not really, but you are every
25:57
time you sit down to order at a restaurant, every time you walk into
26:03
a clothing store, every time you know, somebody sees you walking around with
26:07
a coffee somebody. You feel when you're walking around in a larger body like
26:11
people are judging you, whether they are or not right, And so I
26:15
felt it was really important to have that dialogue. And what I've found was
26:21
really interesting when Shannon and I really sat down and started talking about it,
26:25
is it's not just women in large bodies that have these feelings. And that's
26:32
really what led us to the work that we're now embarking on. So Shannon,
26:36
I'll let you pick it up from here. My goodness, you're so
26:40
eloquent. Wow. Okay, so yes to all of that. And to
26:51
Sandrew's point, everyone feels that way, right. Everyone has their own perspectives,
26:59
their own use, their own viewpoints, their own things they're grappling with,
27:03
no matter what sized body they're in. Because I remember being at my
27:07
heaviest and being super thin, and I had the exact same thoughts about my
27:14
body. It both stages. So our program is all about tackling these themes
27:25
in our lives, right, from all different perspectives, dealing with the emotional
27:30
undercurrents, from being open and vulnerable, and sharing and talking about all of
27:36
these things because it's something we don't do. We don't come together in community
27:41
and discuss body image or body neutrality or what does that mean and how does
27:47
that affect us? And because it really impacts the way you operate as a
27:52
human, because it gets down to self worth, self perception, right,
27:56
and how you act and behave is collared by those feelings. So tackling all
28:03
of those coupled with I also and want to work on my health and wellness
28:11
right because it's all interwoven. But I can't go forward unless I'm coming from
28:18
a place of I'm making these changes because I want to be the best to
28:22
me that I can be, and feel the best that I can feel.
28:27
I don't you don't ever want to come to those changes based on guilt,
28:32
shame, or judgment or I have to should too, because those changes will
28:36
never stick. And the diet culture and the diet mentality make their money from
28:42
having convinced all of us women that we're not enough and we have to do
28:48
these things, these crazy things, these crazy diets, just because right so,
28:53
Sandra and our program is tackling all sides the issue and bringing all of
28:57
this to the forefront. It's um a year. There's a year long commitment
29:04
at first, and it is through a commute, a private community, not
29:11
on Facebook. It's through a separate m platform. And there's monthly women's circles.
29:18
There's monthly group coaching twice a month. There is are going to be
29:22
expert speakers every month. We're going to have a repository of resources available to
29:29
all, and it's really a forum to open up community and space around these
29:34
topics that I did. I hit that all. I'm not as eloquent as
29:38
Sandra, but I tried my best. I think one of the things that
29:44
you talked about, Shannon is that, you know, oftentimes we're emotional eaters.
29:49
I know I am, right, Um, yeah, a lot of
29:53
us are. And so we've had a bad day and oh my gosh,
29:57
that pizza and all the reserve that I had or all the discipline that I
30:02
had to not eat that pizza. I'm annoyed. So I'm going to eat
30:06
that pizza. I actually use a different word when I'm like feeling like I
30:10
have to eat the pizza, but we'll go with annoyed for you know,
30:14
porsia. So I'm annoyed, and I eat the pizza, right, and
30:18
then I feel horrible for having eaten the pizza, right, and so then
30:22
I eat the ice cream because I feel horrible that I eat the pizza because
30:26
I was annoyed, And it becomes this cycle and then we get really upset
30:30
with ourselves, whereas if we just sat for a moment with our feelings right
30:36
and realized, I'm feeling annoyed and I'm going to eat this pizza, but
30:41
I'm not going to beat myself up for having eaten this pizza right. Then
30:45
we can stop the ice cream, right, or the cookie that comes after
30:48
the ice cream, or the seven beers or whatever. Right. The whole
30:52
point is that we don't stop, and then the emotion piles up and we
30:57
add even more emotion, and then on top of that we add the I'm
31:00
a horrible human for having done this right, when really it was just we
31:07
had a bad day, and maybe there's somebody that we can reach out to
31:11
for help, or maybe the somebody is just ourselves and looking at ourselves in
31:15
the mirror for a moment and saying I love you, and this bad day
31:21
doesn't define you, right, And there's elements of grief in that whole process,
31:29
grief over grief towards ourselves right, grief and anger and judgment and sadness,
31:37
and then grief over the person you thought you should be and you're not.
31:42
Like, there's so many elements that tie so beautifully into into what you
31:48
speak about, Porsha. You knows, Sandra, I want to go back
31:55
to what you mentioned about how diets don't work. Immediately, what pops up
31:59
in my head is you're gonna die trying to fit into a body that's really
32:04
not for you, or die trying to fit a mold that society set as
32:10
a standard that really doesn't work for majority of people. Right, because and
32:16
it's funny you bring up pizza because my brother went to the store today and
32:20
pizza is one of my favorite foods. But when I know that I'm recording
32:23
shows, I have to avoid cheese so I don't sound like a bunch of
32:27
cats scratched all my vocals out. But that's for another day. I'm not
32:30
gonna go to heavy, but I can agree I've learned now. When I'm
32:37
having a rough day, especially when it's that time of the month where I've
32:40
got Mike Tyson and Steepe hitting my ovaries, I'm like, you know what,
32:45
I Am not going to beat myself up, no pun intended. If
32:51
I have pizza and a little bit of pop, you know what, I'm
32:53
gonna be a happy little clam. And then the next week, when obviously
32:58
I'm not having the pure beatdown show, I can get back up and get
33:02
back all my regular routine programming, and she, of course I got to
33:13
throw humor in here. This is this is how we do it. It
33:15
grew aport totally for our audience who is tuning in if they are interested in
33:21
obviously being a part of your community and being a part of your coaching program,
33:28
how can they sign up, where can they go? Well, I
33:31
believe we have a link that we can we're happy to share with you.
33:37
And I'm not sure what that link is. Sandra is looking, she's looking.
33:43
Everyone who's listening. She is, you get fast and furiously looking on
33:46
her computer for the link, and that's okay. I will put it in
33:51
the show notes where people can click on it and definitely sign up. Yeah,
33:58
So it's Facebook right now. You can reach us on Facebook, and
34:01
it's um nourished. The program all is one word, nourished the program,
34:07
and it's helping women recover from diet culture and body objectification. And it's one
34:14
of the things that I am continually surprised about is that, you know,
34:22
if we only ever like ourselves when we look a certain way, that's objectification,
34:29
that's not self love. And we have learned to objectify ourselves so much
34:36
that we're not even we're not even aware that we're doing it. That is
34:42
the most shocking part. Yeah, and I'll be honest, Sander, that's
34:47
a whole another podcast episode that we can talk about, especially with the what
34:55
I call the influx of perfectionism that's set forth by social media. So we'll
35:05
We'll have another conversation about that another day. And you know that perfectionism is
35:10
not just in the way we look, it's in how we act, it's
35:14
in what we do, It's in how we women are really judging towards each
35:20
other and ourselves. And we're taught that, we're taught that we need to
35:27
stop doing that one one hundred percent and learn to accept people for where they
35:35
are, who they are. And also, I think the best part about
35:38
it, Sandra and Shannon, is to see ourselves in that woman shoes for
35:44
a moment. She might be a mom with three kids, so maybe yeah,
35:49
she might have a little bit of fluctuation in her way, but maybe
35:52
she's going through something right, being that objective person who's not judging but being
35:59
understand ending and open to saying, you know what. I see this woman,
36:02
she's got these three little kids, she looks stressed out. I may
36:07
not know everything that's going on in her life, but I see her.
36:12
I see her because maybe at one point there was a part of you that
36:15
was her. Right. I make a point of talking to women in stores.
36:22
You know, when the kid is having the total and complete meltdown,
36:27
right, and she just looks so exasperated. I have walked up to women
36:30
and said, you're doing great, you're a good mom, and I've walked
36:36
away and my children have said you know her, and I'm like, no,
36:38
I have no idea who she is. Well, why'd you go say
36:40
that to her? I'm like, because I've been in her shoes. I've
36:45
been in her shoes, and I needed somebody to tell me at that moment
36:49
when I was about to snap, You're okay, You're okay. This is
36:54
just a moment. One of my favorite sayings is the extra mile is never
37:00
crowded, and if more of us would be the exception, the world would
37:06
be a lot better. Shannon and Sandra, first and foremost, I have
37:12
to thank both of you for being first time guests on Group of Portion,
37:15
coming on when I agreed to finally go video. We're gonna be wrapping up
37:22
here soon, and both of you have left us with so many no pun
37:28
intended, a plate full of wisdom in different aspects of our life, right
37:34
from your coaching program Nourish right and learning to nourish not just what we feed
37:40
through our mouth, but what are we saying to ourselves here and how does
37:44
that transmute throughout our whole entire body right, learning to honor our grief journey,
37:52
feeling, our feelings, and also the reminder that we are not alone
37:57
and that grief is not linear. So I'm going to start with you,
38:00
Shannon. I always love this question, What words of inspiration? Even though
38:05
you've left us with so many pieces, what words of inspiration can you leave
38:09
with our listeners today, especially if it's someone who once walked in the same
38:15
shoes that you were. What a beautiful question. The thing that I like
38:22
to hold onto for myself and the thing that I like to tell all of
38:25
my clients is that there's always hope and you can you can always change,
38:37
you can choose something different, and you can believe in yourself. And if
38:44
you are unable to in that moment, borrow my belief in you because I
38:50
want a hundred thousand percent believe that you can do whatever it is you decide
38:55
and can put your mind too, no doubt about it. So don't ever
39:00
lose hope and know that you can always choose. It's never cho late.
39:07
Absolutely Ercent agree with that, Shannon. Thank you so much for Shannon that
39:10
what about you, Sander? Go ahead well, I had something, but
39:15
now I've changed my mind because I am just so moved by what Shannon said.
39:22
So I'm actually going to go with that with the second thing that I
39:25
changed my mind too. We are not broken. We are not broken.
39:32
Our mindsets are not wrong. We have learned habits, we have learned hoping
39:40
skills, and those coping skills kept us alive. So let's honor those coping
39:49
skills. Maybe they're not working for us anymore, but that doesn't mean that
39:52
we're broken, and it doesn't mean that we need to change anything. We
39:59
need to be a aware of why we're doing the things that we're doing,
40:01
and then decide do I want to continue to do that? Is it serving
40:07
me right? Or do I choose to do something different? But please,
40:14
we are not broken. We have to stop thinking of ourselves as broken.
40:17
We have to stop thinking of ourselves as we need to be better. We
40:22
are perfect the way we are. God made us that way we are as
40:27
God created us. Every one of us is walking around with the divine in
40:30
us, right, So how can we walk around and also say and I'm
40:36
not good enough? Are we saying God is not good enough? Of course,
40:40
the divine is good. And so what I would really love people to
40:47
walk around with is a heart that knows I'm doing these things because of habit,
40:55
because they helped me get here. And maybe some of the things that
41:00
I'm doing don't work for me anymore, or that I want to do different.
41:05
That doesn't mean that I'm broken. Ooh, Sandra, I'm not gonna
41:10
lie. I'm trying to fight back the tears right now. But that's okay.
41:15
Well, everybody that was Sandra Went and Shannon vitally that you heard from.
41:23
And that concludes another episode of Grew a Porsche Season number two. Thanks
41:30
for listening to everybody, Peace and Hair Grease, thank you so much for
41:36
tuning in to Grew with Porsche. Remember to subscribe to my channel for the
41:40
latest episodes, and of course, follow me on social media. Can follow
41:44
me on Instagram at Porsche the Producer. Anyway, guys, until we meet
41:50
again, Peace and Hair Grease to get