Latest / High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm / Your Marriage Was Never About You

Transcript

Your Marriage Was Never About You · High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm

• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the High Level Wife podcast.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I am Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and here we do Marriage God's Way.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you may have noticed if you are a faithful listener, that I've taken about a week off of posting new content.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it was for good reason.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was creating, recording, uploading all new content for High Level Wife, the course, and it is done.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It is finished.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: It was awesome.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: There'll be more episodes about that and how I really felt like God held the sun in the sky for me.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And what should have been hours and hours and hours didn't seem like it took that long.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was just all to his glory.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Me standing in weakness in his strength.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was awesome.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to fire a shot right out of the gate that your marriage was never about you.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know that sounds offensive in our culture because our culture has made marriage almost entirely about personal fulfillment.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Asking the questions of am I happy?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do you make me happy?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Are my needs being met?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Do I feel fulfilled?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is this marriage giving me what I thought marriage would give me?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, the saddest part of this is even Christian marriage content has accidentally become incredibly self-focused.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: How to get your husband to pursue you, how to get better communication, how to have better intimacy, how to get your needs met.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing about all of this, it's just like the love of money is the root of all sorts of evils, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like these things aren't inherently wrong or evil in and of themselves.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's the fact that we've made the fruit of marriage the purpose of marriage.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want to pull this way, way back today.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to ask the question why did God create marriage in the first place?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, as always, we have to go back to Genesis, right?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: We we have to step back and we have to stop allowing our view of marriage to be defined by culture or hallmark movies or romantic comedies, even marriage counseling, or any of our expectations.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: We have to go back before any of those things and understand that God created marriage.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: In Genesis 1:27 through 28, God creates male and female in his image, and then he blesses them and tells them, Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: So immediately here there's an image, a union, fruitfulness, multiplication, and mission.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then Genesis 2.18 tells us that it is not good that the man should be alone.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: I will make him a helper fit for him.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so ultimately, Genesis 2.24 tells us that the two become one flesh.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of those deep and profound mysteries.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Two become one flesh.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Marriage started with God, marriage belongs to God, and marriage has God's purposes attached to it.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: But we have turned marriage inward.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Culture has taken something God designed with enormous outward kingdom potential and has turned the entire thing inward.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: But isn't that how sin started in the first place, right?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That that's how that's how the enemy twisted things for Eve, right?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: That God was withholding something good from her and she wanted that good.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So this entire thing is turned inward.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's about me and my happiness, my fulfillment and needs and expectations and preferences.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Lord help us all.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then two people intermarriage asking essentially the same question.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: What am I going to get from you?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: What are you going to do for me?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: It reminds me of that quote.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country, right?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, unfortunately, though, the problem is we're shocked when we're miserable, whether it's in our country or it's in marriage.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so then we have two sinners that are staring at each other, saying, Fill me, make me happy, make me feel secure, meet my expectations.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that is impossible weight for another human being to carry.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so we wonder why we feel crushed under this burdensome weight for each other in marriage.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: We wonder why.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: But Jesus gives us an entirely different kingdom.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I keep saying lately that God's way is upside down and backwards from our own human and limited understanding and the ways of this world.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus said in Matthew 22, 37 through 39, to love God with everything and love your neighbor as yourself.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Love God first, that always comes first.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then in Matthew 28, 19, we see Jesus puts a capstone on it of go and make disciples.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it is love God, love people, make disciples.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: That is the mission.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And marriage doesn't remove you from that mission.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Marriage actually multiplies your capacity for it.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Marriage is about multiplication.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: So think about what happens when two surrendered people become one.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now you have two sets of gifts, you have two testimonies and intertwined testimonies as well.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: You have two sets of strengths, right?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, also two sets of weaknesses.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the coolest thing about what God does is He puts two people with strengths and weaknesses that mend together and make you a powerhouse where we as one are so limited.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: We have two people praying and serving.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: We have two people that are opening their home and discipling their children, encouraging believers, reaching lost people.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And they're no longer pulling independently, they're pulling together.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've shared this so many times that a horse by itself can pull a thousand pounds.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So you would think that if you put two horses together, they can pull 2,000 pounds, but they can actually pull 3,000 pounds.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that is the deep and profound mystery of two shall become one flesh.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens, the multiplying power when we pull together in the same direction for God's kingdom and his purpose and his mission.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 12 tells us that two are better than one, right?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if one falls down, the other is there to lift them up.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Two can withstand what one cannot, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that is pulling power because that third cord in the braid or in the cord and the strand, whatever, that's the Holy Spirit.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's God Almighty.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: That is Jesus righteousness imparted to us.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's not husband versus wife, it's not whose calling matters more or two competing kingdoms, it's one marriage under one king pulling in the same direction.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is why the enemy loves division.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So think bigger than your last stupid argument.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: If the enemy can keep a husband and a wife consumed with each other, fighting each other, resenting each other, right?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Keeping score and withholding and controlling and defending and competing, constantly focused on what the other isn't doing.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: What aren't they doing?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: They're not pulling together, they are distracted from the mission.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Ephesians 6:12 tells us that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your husband is not the enemy.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Husbands, if you're listening, your wife is not the enemy of your soul.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: But the enemy would absolutely love for you to believe that they are.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because two kingdom people fighting each other aren't nearly as dangerous.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're not dangerous at all to darkness, they're actually dangerous to the kingdom of God because of the inconsistencies that they are putting on display for the gospel not changing their life and no transformation.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: They're damaging future generations, their children, and how they walk away from the faith when they leave the home because they haven't seen the transformative power of the gospel at work in their lives.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because it is dangerous to the kingdom of darkness when two kingdom of God people surrender to Christ and unite on mission.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, marriage is taken even higher by Paul in Ephesians 5:31 through 3032.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And he quotes Genesis: the two shall become one flesh.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then he says, This mystery is profound.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I am saying that it refers to Christ in the church.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And there it is.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your marriage was always pointing beyond itself.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Your marriage tells a story, covenant tells a story, sacrificial love tells a story.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Faithfulness and forgiveness tell a story.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: This oneness, it tells a story, and it points to Christ.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So even the way we love one another has evangelistic weight.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Do you hear me in the back?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because this changes the goal.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, I don't want you to misunderstand me here.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to have intimacy, right?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to enjoy your husband.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want you guys to delight in one another, in the gift of marriage.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: To laugh together and to have great sex and to go on dates and communicate well, flourishing.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Those are beautiful gifts, but they're terrible ultimate goals.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because the question gets bigger than are we happy?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: The question becomes, God, are you being glorified through us?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Are we fruitful?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Are we making disciples?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Are our children seeing Christ?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Are other people being loved because we are stronger together?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Is our home available to you, Lord?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And those are different questions.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: The gifts are beautiful, but it's just like the fruit.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: We can't focus on having the gift or producing the fruit.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Those are results of abiding in God and seeking first his kingdom.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then all those things are added to us, but they can't be added to us if that is the goal and the focus first and foremost, and we are out of order.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe, and I say this all the time, we need to get marriage out of the way.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because we spend years trying to get our marriage to finally give us what we want, right?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Years circling the same offenses, keeping the receipts, waiting for the other person to go first.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Years praying, God, fix him, fix her, make my marriage better.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe God is asking you, will you surrender this thing to me so I can finally use it?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: What I teach inside high-level wife is getting yourself out of the way, getting your marriage out of the way, repenting where you need to repent, forgiving where you need to forgive, obeying where God has already spoken and getting back into right order, getting back into oneness, and then go.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: What if your combined resources funded kingdom work?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: What if your testimony gave another couple hope?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: What if your hospitality brought someone to Christ?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: What if your oneness allowed both of you to accomplish more for God's kingdom than either of you could have accomplished alone?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's a much bigger vision for marriage.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And God designed us to align with a bigger vision than ourselves.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: He absolutely did.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's knit into the very fibers of our being.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: So go study Genesis 1, 26 through 28, and 2, 18 through 24, and then read Ephesians 5, 25 through 33.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Do not start by looking for what your spouse should do.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, ask, Lord, what did you create marriage for?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Where have I made my marriage about me?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: What could you do through our marriage if we were fully surrendered to you?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because remember, your marriage isn't the mission.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Christ is.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Your marriage is one of the incredible means God can use to accomplish his mission.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Love God, love others, make disciples.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine the pulling power of a husband and a wife who stop fighting for their own little kingdoms and start pulling together for his.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Your marriage was never meant to terminate on you.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was meant to point beyond you to the glory of God and the building of his kingdom.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you on the next episode.