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Transcript

Don't watch this terrible movie! · Scott & Ally on Demand

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, you know what Pennsylvania's doing this week that New York can never figure out?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: Go to school?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a full week.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: If you got a kid in New York schools, you know that joke is real.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: We can't do a full week to save our butts.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the movie you should not watch.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I really wanted to like it because it has Pedro Pascal in it.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: It He doesn't do it for me.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, uh I know him from The Mandalorian.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, eh.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you're into boobs.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know if I'm really into that either, but all right.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I mean, I'm I'm not not into him, but I mean it's not, I'm not a walking boob guy.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: But what I mean is like you're not lusting after Pedro Pascal.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay, yeah, no.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: But the materialists I've never even heard of it.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was uh okay, so it came out last year.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's on HBO Max, and it's got like a solid crew.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: So you have Chris Evans, you have Dakota Johnson and Pedro Pascal.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Which, all right, rom-com, Zach's the one that suggested it.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's a rom com.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, not really though, because it wasn't funny, and the acting is terrible.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And Pedro Pascal's acting is atrocious.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: I guess everybody gets a dog once in a while.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know who is a great actor in it, but it's not enough to carry the movie?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's Chris Evans.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't remember what else he's been in, because I think he's like, isn't he in like the Marvel universe or something?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, he's one of the Avengers.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's yes.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Is he Captain Captain America?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: He's a great actor.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: But Dakota Johnson, so she's supposed to, you know, be in this relationship and that relationship, and she's like, And I love you.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and Zach goes, I've never seen somebody so expressionless in my life.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think the only reason that she has any career whatsoever, because I think her dad was Don Johnson from I think so.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know the answer to that.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: I've never, I mean, you might be you might be dead and dead right on that, but I really don't know.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, hold on a second.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Her parents are yeah, her parents are Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Huh.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I didn't know that.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I figured.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean, she wasn't even great in Fifty Shades of Grey.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I just keep on like giving her a chance.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not worth it.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Don't waste, it's literally two hours of your life.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, really?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, that's I'm surprised you didn't fall asleep.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I dozed for a second.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it was.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I dozed for a second, but I was like, no, no, I gotta get through this movie.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't worth it.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I should have just dozed for two hours.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, hang on.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: We have a special guest.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Hello.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, Jack.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, welcome back.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Sad Jack.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you sad, Shaq?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because Sad Jack got turned down by Marvel.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: They won't let me be in the movie.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, really?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know that.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: They say I'm too big.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like too big.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, tall pig.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you are seven.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: How tall are you?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was part of the uh DC superhero uh universe in 1997, Shaq was, and now I can't be a Marvel.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even know that either.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you made a rap album, you've made commercials, and you were in the DC universe?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: I forgot my character.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's been so long.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Seven one.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Seven one is how tall you are.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: They say that I would be imposing on camera.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: This is not my best Shaq, by the way, for some reason.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what's happening.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know why that's not it.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: I just gotta keep it more to one line like Go Ball Medicaid powder.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: But also threatened.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: That's the other reason they won't let him in the movie because he'll be hawking all his goods.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: The General Con Jones.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Here comes Doomsday, the General Car Inchurns.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Get it ready.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I saved the day.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Also 325 pounds, which means Big Boy.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, next to everyone else, you would be taking up the entire camera shot.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: Shaq is suffering today.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Just getting out of that.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: All right, bye, Shaq.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: All right, back to some text messages.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let's see.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Here's one for you about this movie.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so upset that they picked her for Fifty Shades of Grey.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now this Fifty Shades of Grey is an older movie.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: It just is not good.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I don't know, I don't know exactly what this means, but your girlfriend said Scott could have used my little record player last night to help him sleep.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So you said you were a little bit um I was having a hard time actually falling asleep.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like I was it was one of those laying around kind of like, is this gonna happen or am I just gonna lay here?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: One sheep, two sheep, three sheep.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: So the little record player, we were at Costco yesterday.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: Apparently, this thing's all over TikTok.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's a little record player, maybe two inches, three inches at the most, wide, and it literally plays records.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: It comes with these little tiny baby records, and she got one yesterday.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it works.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I thought you you were gonna say?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's ridiculous, but it works.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: A couple years ago, Tiffany bought me it looks like a little record player, and she got it for me from I it was either TJ Maxx or Home Goods, but all it was is it's a speaker that connects to your phone.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So when I when I lived at a a house with a pool, I would take that little record player out every single day.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: This thing's literally a little teeny baby record player that plays.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: And it comes with all these little baby records.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: What songs do you got?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh a couple Fallout Boys, uh, some Sting.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Sting.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: Chapel Rones in there.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm trying to remember what else there was.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, uh, don't forget you got Kiss, you know.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: Uh course Chuck Neil or um uh uh um I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night was in there.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: So it's just it is ridiculous, but it's hilarious at the same time.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: But then where else can you buy more of those?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if he can.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Well, probably online.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: And also I have to bring this thing in to show you it's the silliest little thing.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is it one song per side?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think it's I don't think each one of the records has like there it's not like an A side, B side like the old records.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: Most of them, I think, are all the same song.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: So depending on which way you put it on, it's gonna play every birth you take.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I write sins, not tragedies, 800 times in a row.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's Panic at the disco.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, whatever.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: Not Fallout Boy.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Name a Fallout Boy song because I always get those two confused.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Great job.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, Tom, hi, hi, uh, hi, hi something.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: Hi.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, nice to meet you.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: I can hear the song in my head.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, hi, hi.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, welcome.