Latest / Echoes & Edges / You Were Never Disqualified with Sher Nyquist

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You Were Never Disqualified with Sher Nyquist · Echoes & Edges

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Patria. If you've been listening to this podcast
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: and find yourself recognizing pieces of your own story, the
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: patterns of secrecy or shame, the questions about your worth
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: or purpose, or maybe you see clearly the places that
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: feel stuck, I want you to know that you don't
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: have to navigate that alone. Courageous Pathways is a nonprofit
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: we created as a space for individuals walking through healing.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Courageous Pathways offers support for you to be in a
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: place where your story is taken seriously and where healing
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: happens through skilled, safe, compassionate care. We offer a number
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: of sessions to qualifying individuals, and what qualifies you is
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: not necessarily income information. Often the times of financial strain
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: aren't because of lack of income, and we deeply understand
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: that if you're looking for support or even just wondering
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: what your next step could be, you can learn more
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: by going to the Broken and Beautiful website and clicking
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: on the link to Courageous Pathways. And if you're looking
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: for a place where integrity and honesty lead the way
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: to put the greatest use to your donation dollars, please
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: consider supporting Courageous pathways. We double every dollar you give
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: by supporting both the recipient of care and the caregiver.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Who are all people that have personally walked the walk
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: of healing and have turned back to extend a hand
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: to others. To you, the person thinking about checking this out,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: You are not alone in this reach out. There is
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: a way forward. Welcome back to echoes and edges. This
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: is the final installment of my conversation with Share. Over
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: the last two episodes, we've explored shame, survival, story work,
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  Speaker 1: nervous system healing, and the transformative power of compassionate presence.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Today we move into some of the deepest questions of all.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: What helps us reclaim a sense of worth when we
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: never fully received the care we needed? How do we
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  Speaker 1: begin to experience belonging after years of feeling disqualified or misunderstood?
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: And what does healing actually look like, not as a destination,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: but as a way of living. Share shares tender reflections
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  Speaker 1: on mothering, nature, connection, self, compassion, and the ongoing invitation
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  Speaker 1: to slow down long enough to receive the goodness that
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: is all ready present. Let's return to the conversation. I
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: just really appreciate the way that you're using the word
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  Speaker 1: worthy because it's it's an again, it's an experiential form
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  Speaker 1: of worthy. You're saying, somebody had to make somebody had
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  Speaker 1: to show me. They had to show me that I
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  Speaker 1: was worthy. They had to act out my worthiness. They
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  Speaker 1: had to make me worthy in order for me to
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  Speaker 1: understand my inherent worth that I am worthy. And that
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  Speaker 1: is the work of a mother, you know. So when
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  Speaker 1: when we're talking about mothering, you know, you talked about
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  Speaker 1: mother Earth, and I do just want to touch on
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: this a little bit here, and i'd love your thoughts
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  Speaker 1: about this too, because I know you have some. But
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  Speaker 1: mothering isn't it's not. It doesn't necessarily come from the
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  Speaker 1: person whose womb you were held in, you know, and
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  Speaker 1: hopefully it does, but it's not. It's not going to
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  Speaker 1: be enough even if if that woman is the best
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  Speaker 1: mother you know, quote unquote whatever that means in the
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  Speaker 1: whole world, because there's going to be her own humanity
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  Speaker 1: in the mix. So when we talk about mothering, you know,
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  Speaker 1: the earth mothered you, this man mothered you. This was
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  Speaker 1: a mothering nurturing experience. Tell the listeners what comes to
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  Speaker 1: mind right there around that, and how what do you
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  Speaker 1: mean you do that for yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Now, So you said, this man mothered me, and I'll
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  Speaker 2: just share. When I was in first grade, I start
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: well kindergarten, I live in the we lived in the country.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: I started writing. The school bus to school, and one
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  Speaker 2: of my sweetest memories of growing up was every morning
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  Speaker 2: I would get on the bus, the door would open
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  Speaker 2: and he, this middle age or older man would give
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  Speaker 2: the nicest kind of smile and say, good morning, Sherry.
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  Speaker 2: Oh that there was a motheringness to that for me
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  Speaker 2: that I experienced five days a week until I stopped
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  Speaker 2: riding the school bus. He was our school bus driver,
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  Speaker 2: and so he profoundly mothered me through one sentence that
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  Speaker 2: was a consistent tenderness in my life. So, you know,
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  Speaker 2: sometimes again, and that's surprising, right when I really recognized
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  Speaker 2: that it was, it almost came as a surprise to
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  Speaker 2: me that that kind of presence that he offered me
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  Speaker 2: was that impacting. It really was. It was something I
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  Speaker 2: desperately needed in my life and I wasn't getting it
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  Speaker 2: anywhere else.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't think that that's a by the way,
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  Speaker 1: because how I came into story work or the healing process,
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  Speaker 1: at least one of the big There were like three
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  Speaker 1: or four big things that happened around the same time.
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  Speaker 1: In one of them was that, you know, I had
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  Speaker 1: written Bible studies on books like Ephesians, like I could
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  Speaker 1: tell you theology, you know, and I could teach it,
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  Speaker 1: and I could even get some emotional implication in there
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  Speaker 1: pretty well. But I was given this assignment to write
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: and from my childhood. First assignment had ever been given
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  Speaker 1: to write a timeline from my childhood about who were
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  Speaker 1: my angels, you know, who were who were the tender
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  Speaker 1: people in my life? And I couldn't name a single person.
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  Speaker 1: I couldn't authentically name a single person, and I couldn't
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  Speaker 1: tell anybody because I was a Bible teacher and so
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  Speaker 1: I couldn't, you know, I couldn't articulate. I was so
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  Speaker 1: ashamed to discover that I didn't have. And so as
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  Speaker 1: healing has come over the decades since that happened, I
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  Speaker 1: can now actually fill out a timeline of events like
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  Speaker 1: you with the bus driver that called you Sherry in
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  Speaker 1: the morning and say, oh, my good, oh that was
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  Speaker 1: that did something for me. But until these stories of
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: harmon heartache are seen with love and today in real time,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: oftentimes we can't identify, you know, and I've learned, I've
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  Speaker 1: come to understand that that's not abnormal. That's actually probably
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  Speaker 1: at least fifty percent of us in that class could
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  Speaker 1: not do that either. But so just thinking about you know,
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  Speaker 1: your bus driver gave you worth when he said, good
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  Speaker 1: morning she, Sherry. Oh, he called you human, He called you,
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  Speaker 1: he called you we're worth speaking to. He called you special.
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  Speaker 1: I do want to put that word in there. You know,
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  Speaker 1: he saw you, he didn't look through you. Good morning Sherry. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. Thank you for sharing that story, with
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  Speaker 1: that idea of mothering. And when there's been a lack
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  Speaker 1: of holding, whether it's psychological, emotionally, or intellectually, it leaves
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  Speaker 1: us feeling disqualified somehow. And that's even without developmental trauma.
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  Speaker 1: That happens for all of us in some way. So
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  Speaker 1: what would you want to say to people who have
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  Speaker 1: that experience, which is probably everybody in some form of disqualification.
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  Speaker 1: What would you want them to understand about how their
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  Speaker 1: worth is actually formed, how who they are is actually formed?
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  Speaker 2: I love this question, and I love that this concept
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  Speaker 2: came up of being disqualified. And I do think that
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  Speaker 2: everyone has something that causes us to feel we blew
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  Speaker 2: it too big, or you know, we aren't enough or
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  Speaker 2: we're too much, And I just feel like I wanted
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  Speaker 2: to say, like I don't even believe in being disqualified,
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  Speaker 2: Like I think that what is it? Where is that
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  Speaker 2: concept even from? Like, what does it mean to be disqualified?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: It's like four months probably right, Yeah, And so first
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  Speaker 2: of all, I will just say like, oh, for those
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  Speaker 2: who are struggling with feeling like they've done something or
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: they are something that causes them to be disqualified, I
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: will just say like, oh, if you can turn toward
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  Speaker 2: that with some curiosity, where did that thought come from?
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  Speaker 2: And what are the circumstances, and then some compassion, and
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: you might have to get help from someone else. I
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  Speaker 2: certainly did. I certainly understand because I felt so disqualified
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  Speaker 2: because of my story, and it was very necessary for
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: me to be able to expose that to someone else
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  Speaker 2: who then helped me understand even understand some of the
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  Speaker 2: why how did I get there? And what caused the
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  Speaker 2: series of events and then being able to come to
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  Speaker 2: this space of recognizing that, oh, my goodness, there's so
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  Speaker 2: many reasons why I was there, and so many good,
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  Speaker 2: good and beautiful reasons. And so whether that's something that
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  Speaker 2: a person has done or what they believe they are
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  Speaker 2: or aren't, I think this fits. So I think there
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  Speaker 2: are a lot of messages out there about things that
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  Speaker 2: disqualify us, and I will just say, like, it's just
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  Speaker 2: so not true. But if we believe it, we believe it.
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  Speaker 2: And so the first step is find a place where
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  Speaker 2: you can talk with someone and have your story contained
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  Speaker 2: or who you are, where you can get a difference,
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  Speaker 2: you can get new data into your brain that you
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  Speaker 2: absolutely cannot do by yourself, even though you want to.
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  Speaker 1: We to.
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  Speaker 2: We want to solve this problem by ourselves, but we can't.
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  Speaker 2: And so I think the reality is, and this is
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  Speaker 2: this story is told throughout history over and over and
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  Speaker 2: over again that the very places that we have messed
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  Speaker 2: up or that we feel like we've been too much
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  Speaker 2: or not enough, that from these very places, and then
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  Speaker 2: as we grow, as we heal, or as we learn,
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  Speaker 2: they very often become the places that we that that
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  Speaker 2: we develop our calling, that we actually turn toward having
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  Speaker 2: such goodness to offer another, or such presence to be
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  Speaker 2: able to hold with another, or who can offer me
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  Speaker 2: wisdom in the areas that I have struggled, except someone
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  Speaker 2: who has gone through it. I mean really, And so
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  Speaker 2: that is the value of all of these hard things
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  Speaker 2: that make us feel like we are disqualified. And I
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  Speaker 2: just will say for those who have a church or
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  Speaker 2: a biblical kind of paradigm, through that has come so
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  Speaker 2: much judgment and so much cursing. But I will say,
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  Speaker 2: if you read those words of Scripture, like over and
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  Speaker 2: over and over again, what do we see except how
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  Speaker 2: God himself shows people messed up. I mean, there's not
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  Speaker 2: a person in Scripture hardly who there's not something or
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  Speaker 2: lots of things that were recorded for all time of
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  Speaker 2: how they messed up. And yet these are the very
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  Speaker 2: people that God himself chooses to work through and change
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: the world. Through the judgment that we feel or the
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  Speaker 2: cursing even that comes against us for either for how
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  Speaker 2: we are or what we have done. Oh, there's so
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  Speaker 2: much grief here and sorrow because it does it causes
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  Speaker 2: us to get stuck there for sometimes a long long time.
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  Speaker 2: And what I would say to our listeners is redemption
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  Speaker 2: is a real thing. And when your story can be
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  Speaker 2: held in the arms and the hands, in the voice
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  Speaker 2: of someone who can contain it and you can walk
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  Speaker 2: through it and sort through those pieces of shame and
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  Speaker 2: come to understand why and what was going on in
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  Speaker 2: you like you. For me, that was the space that
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  Speaker 2: I could begin to turn toward myself with self compassion.
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  Speaker 2: And once I begin to be able to hold self
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  Speaker 2: compassion for myself, it enabled me then to have also
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: so much compassion for others. And so that's where I say,
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  Speaker 2: there's just not a place really for judgment, condemnation, cursing
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  Speaker 2: and declaring somebody disqualified. And I don't care what the
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: structure is it towards that. It's not it's not a
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  Speaker 2: worthy structure for us to put ourselves in.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Well, I love that you brought in that religious, our
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  Speaker 1: Christian in this particular space aspect, because I'm certain many
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: of our listeners have a Christian background and have received
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: both good and difficult things from people who maybe are
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: well meaning or maybe not. But if we go back to,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: like you said, that invitation, to go back to reducing
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  Speaker 1: this language to rebel, you know, I think of Nicole
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  Speaker 1: Nordemann's old song, this is the beginning, what was the unmaking?
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  Speaker 1: If we just unmake some of this, you know, Uh,
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  Speaker 1: these these towers that have been built from straw men.
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  Speaker 1: You know, this idea for instance of disqualification, like you're
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: talking about, back to the dirt of the story of
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: you know, like Jesus and his folks just like walked
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: in the hot dirt for miles and miles and spoke
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  Speaker 1: and lived, you know, and brought love and that.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: That's that's what they did.
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  Speaker 1: And so I love that you brought that back and
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: and you you carry this grounded wisdom and you share
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: and and I have had the pleasure of experiencing that grow, uh,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: you know, witnessing the growth. But but but also just
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: the reality of it, you know, just that this is
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: who you are and more and more you're coming into
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: that yourself more and more. And that is hard one.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, like we were, it brings tears to my eyes.
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  Speaker 1: It's not accidental, like you said, is an intentional turning
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: back toward the honest reality over and over and over again,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: your reality, over and over and over again. And so
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: because of that, I love to hear from you and
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: ask you to share. What do you think that people misunderstand?
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: What else besides this idea of disqualification, what else do
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: you think that people misunderstand about the process or the
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: experience of wholeness or healing.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: So many misunderstandings. I think one is I can do
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: this quickly. This doesn't have to take a lot of time. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: that was me a hundred times, maybe a thousand times.
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  Speaker 2: So I think thinking that we can go through it
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: quickly is a misunderstanding. And I think what I've come
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  Speaker 2: to recognize is it becomes a part of life and
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: the recognition of in my humanity. I have this stuff
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: stored in my brain. I have truths that my body knows,
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: and when I bump up against them, I'm going to
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: feel disregulated. And so I'm still you know, I still
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: meet with you and we have conversations and and and
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: so it's a life. I feel it's a lifetime thing.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: But I also feel like I love it so much.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I can't imagine not being in this space. Area that
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  Speaker 2: we must misunderstand is thinking that we are that when
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: we struggle in our relationships with maybe we've turned a corner,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: we've learned some things, we've experienced some new goodness, and
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: we feel like, Okay, now I know how to do it,
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: and now everything will be different. But vulnerability in our
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: closest relationships is one of the hardest things. And when
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: we make ourselves vulnerable, we there's a sense of kind
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: of losing control there and it's in that space that
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: can actually cause us to become very disregulated again and
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: again and again. And so even though we're growing, sometimes
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: it feels like we're not. It can feel like we're
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: stuck because we keep needing to go through some of
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: these things. And I will just add that I think
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: in relationships it's it is one of the spaces where
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: we really can see how we're doing. It's the living,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: breathing space of how am I, how am I functioning?
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: And where do I get caught and where does my
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: story show up? And so it's a good it's a
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: good reason to stay connected with people in in vulnerable
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: spaces because if we're not there, we can hide and
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: pretend and perform and nobody really knows. But in these
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: spaces where people really know us and then can say, hey,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: you know what's going on? And so so that would
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: be one another thing that I think is a misunderstanding
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: is we make these declarations like me too, I'm not creative.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I'm the most uncreative person you know, like I said
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: that just.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I am Patria, I am not great. Yes, that
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: is my story.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so and and and and when we have
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: childhood trauma, our brain literally cannot be open in these
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: spaces of creativity and imagination and and so we it's
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: it's part of how we develop is by not experiencing
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: Like sometimes people talk about their childhood Patria, and I
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: feel like, wow, that is so different than my childhood,
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Like I never dreamed about being the fairy princess or
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: you know, all of these all of these yeah, and
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: so we can reclaim our imagination and and things like
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: being able to hold beauty and to in in these spaces.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: And I'll bring this up because you and I have
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: talked so much about this, But spaces where maybe we
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: feel fear, can we pause there and and feel the
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: sensations in our body and then recognize, Okay, I'm actually
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: safe right here, even though my body is yeah, danger
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: or danger, danger. And if we can pause there for
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: for a bit and recognize I'm actually safe here, what
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: is this thing that I feel so much danger around?
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: And can I move toward awe rather than shutting down
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: or or or turning away or or you know, moving away,
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: and this can be a million different kinds of scenarios
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: in our lives, from being alone, you know, being I
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: know people who can't go into coffee shop alone because
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: there's you know, bugs or animals. You and I have
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: talked a lot about that one, and just the fear
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: that I have had about towards towards nature, which I
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: absolutely love, and yet I've had had so much fear
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: and and so being able to reclaim these places that
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: we have believed that we will never be able to
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: experience in fullness. And that can be everything from things
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: that we just desire and we wish we could do,
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: to meaningful relationships, and the sky is the limit.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, and there's probably many many more things that
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: we could talk about. Just like you said, there's a
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: million things that we misunderstand about this, and I would
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: just like to add one thing that is And sometimes
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I say this because I like, like, I like to joke.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: I love to laugh, and I feel like laughter is
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: such an important aspect and so I sometimes we'll just
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: jokingly ask myself or other people, like where are we
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: rushing off to? Like, you know, what, what is that
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: thing that we're trying to rush toward and to get
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: us out of this thing, because this thing is life,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: and the more that we're rushing through it, the more
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: that we're actually missing. And it's not to say we
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: are not saying I know this to be true, you
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: and me. That we are not saying, if you are
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: if a bear is chasing you, you need to run.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: If you know, if you're in a dangerous intimate relationship,
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: for the love of all that's holy, get out, and
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: we are here to help you with that. We are
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: not saying if you're in danger, literal physical danger, to
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: stay there. We are saying, if you are safe enough,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: and many of us are safe enough to be able
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: to pause or to get you know, go to a
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: coffee shop, go to a Starbucks. In a Starbucks, you
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: will be safe enough. And Starbucks isn't paying me to
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: say that. To consider some of these things, right, So
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: you know, just remember that too, that we're not there's
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: that idea of rushing. It's coming from the wound itself.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: It's not actually telling you the truth. The truth actually
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: calls us to the dirt like and by truth, I
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: don't mean like God's truth, and it's subjective truth and
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: everybody's going to agree with it. I just mean like that,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: that's the thing that we miss in the rush is
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: the dirt of the experience, the power of that dynamic,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: even in relationship, even if it's not what we hoped
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: or need or wish for, if we rush past it,
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: we will miss it. Or how has it impacted you
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: personally to not just believe that you are loved, but
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: to come into that lived sense of I am loved.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: It's the space that our hearts long for, that are
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: that are literally our body, our soul, our spirit longs
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: for the sense of I am loved, and and we
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: I love What you were saying about our rushing steals
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: so much from us, and I think I am becoming
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: so much more aware of the value of slowing down,
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: slowing and way down, getting rid of a lot of
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: the things in our lives that take up space that
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: we don't need, and really tuning into what's happening in
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: this present moment, because our trauma, in our past stories
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: of harm cause us, as you said, to to rush
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: through and want and in the rushing we miss, we
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: miss ourselves, we miss others, We miss opportunities for connection
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: with and that might be with the earth. Being able
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: to slow down and be in the present moment is
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: what enables me to more fully hold this realm of
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: what it is to be loved. I don't do it
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: well when I'm stressed out or too busy, but when
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: I can slow down and really ponder and hold space
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: for myself with tenderness, and really take in the gift
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: of a conversation or a word that was offered to me,
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: or a sunrise that I saw, and really receive into
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: my essence love because it's really what we were made for.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: We were made to to experience love in the wholeness
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: of our being. Yeah.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, And I just want to add my favorite word, connection,
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: you know, even if it's a moment of I was
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: just at my parents' house this last week, and it's
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: it's a hard there's a lot of hard, you know,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: with aging and traumatic brain injury and the picture and permanent,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: permanent things that are hard, you know. But my dad
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: and I were just talking coffee and in a moment
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: where you can just talk coffee and and learn something
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: together and give each other ideas, Right, that's a connection
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: and it's and it's not to say that it solves
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: all the problems with my dad or that my dad
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: is carry or for me, but it gave us a
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: connection and it's sweet and it's good. It's good enough
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: right for what I need. And so I anything you
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: would want to add about that idea of connection, because
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: I know we're both enneagram nines and connection and love
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: are basically the same thing. But anything else you'd want
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: to add there, yeah.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I well, just yeah, connection is it's love, it's
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: almost it's life in life too. Yes, it's like we
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: need connection for feeling alive, and that can come in moments,
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Like you said, just that, it wasn't the perfect conversation,
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: but it was a good enough moment that there was
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: goodness there for you. And I think there's so many
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: of those experiences for us where we can get something
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: that is life and goodness.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's something, it's not perfect, but it's something. Yeah,
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: well share, thank you so much just for deep diving
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: deep with me. I'm not at all surprised, but every
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: time we dive deep, I just feel like, you know,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: you bring up these nuggets of pure gold, and I
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: just find myself full just to the brim of gratitude
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: and love for you. And for the work that you
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: do and for the presence and nurturing that you are
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: in the world. So thank you, so much, thank you.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: Those words are so meaningful to me. And yeah, I'm
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: right back at you too, because the connection we have
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: has been extremely significant for me and so so grateful for.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Me too, Me too, for yeah both. As we close
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: this beautiful conversation with share, I find myself lingering on
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: a simple truth. Healing is not a project of becoming
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: someone else. It's a process of coming home to who
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: we've been all along. Throughout this series, we've explored story work, shame, belonging,
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: nervous system, healing, compassion, creativity, and connection. We've talked about
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: what happens when our stories are held with tenderness instead
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: of judgment, and how love slowly teaches us to inhabit
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: our lives more fully and that brings us naturally to
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: our next conversation. Joining me next is author, therapist and
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: speaker Andy Colbert, whose work has profoundly shaped the way
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: many of us understand trauma, embodiment, resilience, and healing. In
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: a couple of her books, she has several like Try
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Softer and Strong, Like Water, Andi invites us into a
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: vision of healing that isn't rooted in striving, perfectionism or
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: self abandonment, but in gentleness, courage, nervous system, wisdom, and
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: secure connection. Together, we'll explore what it means to move
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: from survival into wholeness, how tenderness can become a source
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: of strength, and why healing often begins not with pushing harder,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: but with learning to listen. Until then, thank you for
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: spending this time with us, Thank you for listening, and
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: as always, may you find grace for your story, courage
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: for your next steps, and reminders that you are not alone.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: We'll see you next time on Echoes and Edges. If
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: this episode resonates with you, follow or subscribe to Echoes
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: and Edges on your favorite podcast platform, Leave a five
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: star review and share with a friend who might need
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: a gentle invitation to self understanding. Echoes and Edges is
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: produced and edited by Stephen R. Sanders. Music promoted by Envado.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: Echoes and Edges is part of the Vivid Livid podcast network,
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: where bruises speak and healing finds its voice.