Latest / The Bridges and Beacons Podcast / Come Home to Yourself with Kyra Faison-Gardner

Transcript

Come Home to Yourself with Kyra Faison-Gardner · The Bridges and Beacons Podcast

• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Mystic Nerd Squad podcast.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: I am your host, Kelly Meyerson, and I could not be more listed out today because my guest is a very good friend.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: We just completed the most amazing business accelerator with our mentor, Camille Miller, and I am lucky enough to have her on my show today.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: My guest is Tyra Fazen Gardner.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: She is an author, founder, and purposeful living alchemist of Prospect and Refuge Life.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: As a double certified life and retirement coach and soul-line introvert, she brings empathetic understanding to her one-on-one mentoring and intimate circle cohorts, providing comprehensive support for deep-thinking women to create purposeful, self-directed lives.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Kyra, thank you so much for being here.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, Kelly.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, when you say it, it sounds so good.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: It is so good.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Receive it because what's really cool about when you do an intensive program like the one that Kyra and I did, um, and really it was so transformational.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: It it provided that piece for me that I needed in terms of the business acumen.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it also gave us the experience of growing together.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and there was one other woman, Nancy Stevens, who was also in our cohort.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And the four of us meeting together week by week and doing things like branding guides, which had never been something I had done, at least not to the leveling capacity that Camille gave us.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: But it was really special.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt very quickly so connected to you, so connected to Nancy, and just in awe of everything Camille has achieved, especially because each one of us has this motivation to support women.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that in particular, I felt really connected with you and with Nancy because our missions, even though we're coming from different approaches, were really based in supporting women.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Did you feel the same way?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I appreciate your take on it, how you saw the experience.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: So much of what you said absolutely resonated with me.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think one interesting thing for me, um, I've had 20 plus years experience as a CEO in a corporate setting.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so some of the business aspects of the program I was I was comfortable with.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I had a really good grasp on.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: For me, what the program provided that may have been different for you, was this opportunity to really lean heavily into this other life that was so separate from my corporate background.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think you can also attest to when you get good at something and you do it for a long time, it can be really hard to transition into something else.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think it's harder if you are still living in that original um role.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I do still have that corporate job.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: I do still show up for that every day.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, I was trying to find a way forward to build this more soul-aligned um life along with a business that that was in that realm.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that program we were in, I agree, the support of the other women was amazing.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was everything.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it also provided me a safe space to really explore what I wanted beyond, you know, beyond my past role, what I wanted, the kind of business and life I wanted to build.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I loved the the feedback and the fact that, as you mentioned, you know, we were all on a journey and were able to support each other, even though we were, you know, creating different things.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was such a beautiful commitment and productive.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And productive.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think we all we learned so much.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the feedback, the feedback was was wonderful.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um Camille really managed to touch on so many of the things that we were all wanting and needing.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it was a great experience.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then I end up with wonderful um friends and resources um of support like you, Nancy and Camille.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: It was beautiful.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I totally agree.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think the cool part about it was making these leaps into this soul-driven work that we both have while also maintaining a full-time job and also supporting family in different ways.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, even today, we're talking about before we came on air that we're we're both dog sitting for family members.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: So there is just a lot of that.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I I honestly, it's one of my favorite things to be able to do, to be part of a family, a community where, you know, we have resources that we can share with each other, that we can be available for each other.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: My brother is moving across country from California to New Jersey, planned prior to the wildfires, although he does live not too far from where they're happening.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and he's moving into my dad's house.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And my dad is on his way to Florida for a few months.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's what he does every winter because he's a snowbird and prefers to be camping and traveling all over Florida where it's warm.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and my sister and I are tasked with clearing out um areas in the house.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: My mom passed away three years ago, and so we've never really done the deep clear out of a lot of things.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: So we're engaged in doing that.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be going back to do more of that today.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I think of it as, you know, we get to be for other people that flex and support and be a resource so that the light, the load is lightened by each of us contributing in some way.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that that's part of your life experience as well.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it really ties into our key conversation today, which is about building community and especially building community um at this phase of life.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, I'm in midlife, kind of looking to transition to that other piece.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: You help women, um, and this is something I found so cool as like a retirement coach.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that so much because in the past, maybe we would have thought of retirement as like a send-off, and like the goals stop and the planning stops, and we just go put our feet up somewhere.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: But you make me feel a little more excited about the potential for retirement.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me a little bit about what it is you do, and how did you get so into the idea of supporting women in reinventing themselves in retirement?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's a that's a big question.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's a there's a lot of people.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe just start with maybe tell us a little bit more about your journey first.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: How how did you go from being in more of that corporate space and being pulled towards more of your soulful journey and working with women?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, sure.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm happy to touch on that because I think whether it's a big event or just one day a small awakening, I think most of us get to a point at some point in our lives where we we look around and maybe we're a little confused about how we got here.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: What happened?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Where did the time go?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: What have I been doing?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and for me, it was actually a big event.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Our family had a um a pretty terrible house fire, and it sent me into years of just this depressive fog.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't recognize it as depression or PTSD or anything like that.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was just more a matter of um this grayness, and it lasted for years, and I did all the things.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I had kids graduate from high school, go off to college.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my husband and I are business partners.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: We had kept the business going.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was showing up for work every day.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we have a special needs son who's an adult, taking him to program, just really doing all the things.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: So from the outside, I think it looked pretty normal.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: But inside, I really was not feeling any joy.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that I was feeling anything.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: But my daughter got married after college, and our first grandchild was born.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was blessed to be there in the delivery room, and I held this little baby minutes after she was born.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it was it was one of those moments in time that I will remember forever.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm holding this baby and I'm looking at her, and I remembered joy.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I it wasn't that I felt it in that second, but I remembered it.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when it struck me something was wrong, something was missing, something was off.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: And she has become my my North Star, like this journey leading me back to a joyful life.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: That was kind of the moment that it happened.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't all happen at once.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: It really was kind of a slow um awakening, but that that kind of pinch, slap, push, uh led me to get curious again, which led to, you know, therapy.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: It it just led me to really be open to so many beautiful moments in life.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the curiosity about what it meant to be happy again and living really led to great opportunities.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it is one of those things you hear people say it, and it's the truth.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Once you start and you become open to um information, messages, the journey, it shows up for you.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: It shows up for you.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And uh that led to the um working with a therapist led to my interest in coaching, which led to the certifications.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um in sharing my story with other people, I found more and more women were willing, they were almost relieved when I would bring it, bring it up.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they weren't happy about my terrible, my terrible uh trauma, but that it freed them to then begin to share their story with me when I was sharing with them.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realized, you know, we can be brave together.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes somebody being vulnerable invites conversations that people are waiting to have.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: They're waiting to feel safe enough to expose their own hurt, their own sorrow, their own longings.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that was kind of the big, you know, generous path that uh opened for me.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And using my voice, that was something I've always, as an introvert, it's it takes me sometimes to a little bit of time to warm up.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Using my voice um became easier when I could use it from an authentic place.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I started in very small acts of one-on-one conversations.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the more it happened, the more women started to reach out to me, which has not been my experience in life.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I tend to hide away.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: But once I stepped out and stepped into this life I was dreaming for, um it's like people started to find me, which was which was, you know.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: So that was that that's the background of the journey, how I came to this point.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I love the corporate work that I do.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: I I will not step away from that for for quite some time.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: It is a family business.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh our daughter and middle son uh work with us, they're part of our management team.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then my son-in-law also is now, you know, with us as part of the management team.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So that is very meaningful to me to have this family business.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's a great model for other people.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: We find a lot of our clients and even our team that works with us, they're inspired by the fact that we can, it's not always pretty, it's, but that we can have a business and a life that's balanced in this way.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's important to me to also model for other people what can be done versus just all of us doing this thing that we're told this is the way it has to look.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, I love that so much.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I think as you beautifully expressed, as you started to share your journey, people relate to that, to the grayness, to the you know, sort of the absence of joy, but also the absence of just all the higher level emotions, and that that remembrance of joy that you experienced when your granddaughter was born.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's such a beautiful picture.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um and that piece of hope that well, I kind of remember what that was like.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: I can get back there again.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um I can't relate necessarily to that that sadness and that depression and grayness that happened, but it definitely reminded me of the experience of being in burnout.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: That I always thought burnout meant like you were like done in bed, couldn't function.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: But actually, it's more you just don't have the peace of joy.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: So you're turning up to work, even though you're pushing yourself and you don't feel well, and and you have not a lot of resources internally to kind of give you the energy to go, go, go.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you're not feeling those higher vibration feelings of joy.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you remember who you are, why you're here, what lights you up, and you start to exist there again, it's sort of I love that you called it like a slow awakening because that's exactly what it feels like.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Just like suddenly you start to notice the beauty that was still there, you just didn't have your lenses turned to it, you know, you didn't have a sense of it, it couldn't permeate you.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: But then once it can again, you it's just like everything warms to it.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, absolutely.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um we just tend to, once we're in a role that we we have some validation for, that tends to be the thing that keeps us in that in that role, that we get some feedback, some validation for it.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we tend to just put our head down and work ourselves into this groove.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the groove gets deeper and deeper because we we tend to, the more validation we get, we stay in this place.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um we get it sometimes from society, sometimes these internal messages that we that we grew up with or that we took in, um sometimes it's the people that love us most that are close to us.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: They mean no harm, they love us, but it's comfortable and easy and secure for them.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no why would they say, oh, you might want to, you know, find a little happiness?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, it just doesn't go up.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: So when something prompts us to look up from this groove that we have been digging deep into, that's usually a moment where we recognize that we're missing something or or we remember something that used to be a joy, a happiness.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's when we can reflect on the fact that maybe I'm, you know, yeah, I'm getting by, but is this how I want to live?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can give yourself permission to at least be curious about the remembering and the coming home.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the coming home, you know, it is something I talk about, but I don't know, I don't know that we ever leave.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think we just uh if you consider yourself as maybe a house, I think sometimes what happens is we wander into a room, we take a seat, and we just hang out in that room.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's not necessarily that we're lost in the wild.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I just think it's that we we stop exploring other rooms.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: We forget that, hey, you know, you can actually see the sunrise if you go up in the attic.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, I have all that beautiful stuff, those hobbies that are in my journals, the paint that down in the basement, if I went down there, I might remember those things as joyful things, things that can complement the light you have, the life you have.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like you have to toss everything out to come home to yourself.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: We start out at home.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: We start out as children, curious, um, really just giving ourselves permission to be whatever comes up, happy, sad, and a friend, uh doodling, right?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's um that's more, I think, of that's more how I consider coming home to yourself.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's uh it's giving yourself permission to explore all the rooms um and then just be curious and find joy and awe where you find it.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's home.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's to me home.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that so much.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: I really I can envision that, you know, just finding that quiet, dark corner where you just sit and rest and then remembering I I don't have to stay here.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: I can get up.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: I can there's more to see.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um and when it's that that part of ourselves that we're coming home to and what we consider home, we can ever expand it.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: We can, you know, decide that our home needs a big porch where we get to see more of nature, or you know, a deck where we can rest in the sunshine.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, but that we're we can to use your word, alchemize our experience.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that it really honestly does start with that piece of curiosity.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: I wonder.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: I wonder what it could be if it weren't this.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um what's really meaningful to me about that, it reminds me of when I was about, I think I was 27 or 28, and I was married when I was younger in my early 20s.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and things were not going well.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my ex-husband had his challenges and demons, and we had another moment where he just wasn't showing, like literally wasn't showing up for me.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I had a panic attack, and I didn't even know that that's what it was.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I was not sure how to stop my heart from racing the way that it was racing.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: And this voice from inside me said, I need you to envision your life.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: What would it be if it was not this?
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: If you stopped this, if you didn't continue on with this marriage, living here, your current circumstances, what would your circumstances be?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: Visualize that.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I did.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of the things that I visualized and manifest came from that moment, you know, that was a breaking point for me, but it was also like.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: Recognizing that where I was was not going anywhere, you know, and and just for background, like we had done the the things, we had done the therapy alone, the therapy together, that it just was not a healthy combination of people.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Also realized that I was suffering from codependency, you know, which which allowed for that healing journey to continue.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: So but when you're saying that, I I can remember sitting there on my eggplant couch and clutching a pillow to my chest.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do I stop my heart from racing?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it was just that shift of perspective that things can be different from what they are right now.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I get to decide I have power when I felt just minutes before that I had zero power, that I was at the mercy of this other person and the way that they were living their life to be able to live mine.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so the work that you do with women, empowering women, is really special and important.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'd love to talk more about that.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: In particular, the piece that you're supporting women in recreating and imagining retirement for themselves.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yes.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh thank you for sharing um your story.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it does make it easier, as we as we talked about earlier, for people to share with you when they, you know, the invitation you provide by being so vulnerable helps me personally be able to um be more comfortable sharing.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um the retirement piece actually came to me very clearly during COVID.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like many people, COVID really threw me for a loop.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: The the loss, the massive loss around us, we lost family members, there was so much grief on one hand, and on the other hand, this relief that you're okay, you were fine, my children were fine, like the relief I felt.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: But it also made a lot of us or gave a lot of us an opportunity to see our lives as an opportunity, to see the future as an opportunity.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: The forced confinement as an introvert really was a gift in one way for me, not to have to constantly interact with people.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to sit in stillness a lot.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: The other side to that, um, sorry, honey, was that I was in stillness with my with my husband.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're married 35 years, so that is amazing to me.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I thought to myself, oh my gosh, this is hard.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is hard to be with this person who I love very much for so much time without other things.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it came to me that this is what retirement is like for a lot of people.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: It was very interesting.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then during that time, I had uh started seeing one-on-one uh coaching clients and had signed up to do a women's history month uh virtual uh donate hours.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: So many of the initial clients that I had happened to be women over over 50, and many were retired.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: And to a one, to a one, the thing that came up immediately was they were either retired or getting close to retirement, and they were worried about the amount of time they would have to spend with their spouse.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh my gosh, like what is happening?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then it scared me because you know I'm 60, like here we go.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I realized most of the coaching um retirement planning was focused on finance, which is very important.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: It absolutely is a very important component, but it is not the only component.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: So once you're in a position to have some uh financial freedom, what are you going to do with your time if you haven't planned for it?
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're leaving behind so many of the things that have given you meaning throughout most of your life.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're stepping away from your work environment, you're stepping away from your role, those relationships that you had with your coworkers go away.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you are a parent, your children are grown, they're creating lives of their own, and people find themselves kind of alone in life and not sure what to do.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or if they're in a relationship, the person who they are now retiring with, the same thing has happened to them.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you end up with people who are like strangers looking at each other, what like what do we do now?
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and not like not liking it usually.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I the idea was intriguing to me.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: I started it from a perspective um really selfishly.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: How do I want to live when I am not locked in to uh a career?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it led to that coaching perspective.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: And we talk about things like again, reflecting on what brought you joy in the past.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have any hobbies now, let's look, let's look at what used to bring you joy.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Is that something that could be relevant to you now?
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we talked about community building.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it can be very lonely when you retire.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, a lot of people choose retirement communities for that reason, but that does not guarantee that you will have people that you connect with that resonate with you, that have the same values, that you, you know, can really um enjoy life with.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to be intentional about it.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: If it's something that you think is going to matter to you, you have to be intentional about it.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: And um, most people enjoy somebody else kind of helping them with the outline.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: It can be stressful to start to think about getting older, what that means, what that looks like.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um and it's also challenging to think that you're not gonna be able to do the, oh, I, you know, I play tennis four days a week now, and when I retire, I'm gonna play tennis seven days a week.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Are you?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Are you really?
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Is that gonna be the things that that you do for the next 20 years?
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um our America is is aging, you know, culturally, our country is is an aging population.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, people are living longer.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you very much.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great thing.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to use your time?
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to give back?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: What wisdom did you gain over your lifetime that maybe you won't use in your office, but you could use in your community?
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do you do you like to coach youth sports?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do you like to mentor?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: What is the thing that you get joy out of?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Could you start a book club?
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: Could you attend a book club?
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's food banks, there's hospitals, there's school, there's so many animal shelters.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and again, this comes back to the giving ourselves permission to be curious and to really embrace a different way of living.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: But it takes a um a bit of uh intentionality to get there.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's the thing I enjoy about the the coaching.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I I will work with men as well, but I find that a lot of women really didn't get support along the way to explore openly, deeply in a supported community who they want to be, what they really want for themselves out of life.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't believe that we are encouraged um to do that because it would be inconvenient for society.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's just my that's my experience, my feeling.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's that's what it comes down to.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: So people use different um sources of reasoning, but they all come back to the same, you know, to the same point of this is your role, this is the role we need you to play, this is where you know you shine, this is where you're needed.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we tend to go along with it.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's a beautiful opportunity for women later in life in middle essence, right?
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: That could mean anything, whenever you're ready for it, um, to start to explore what is meaningful to them.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm really thinking there's so many pieces to the conditioning and expectations in society, um, whether it be those generational beliefs, you know, around women.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if we really think about it and you're you're into women's history, so I mean, financial freedom for women has only been around for a couple decades, really.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know, yes.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I don't think that's even something that was on my radar, and I consider myself pretty strong on the feminist side of things.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I also think that we have done a huge disservice to women in terms of opportunity, in terms of the medical fields, everything that's coming through now, in terms of um access to healthcare and enough research with women.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: These are the things that get me really fired up because I'm I'm 48.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: I've gone through perimenopause.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: I went to so many doctors to figure out what the heck is wrong with me, to finally come to realize myself, like, oh, perimenopause.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: Which, like, at least four billion people on this planet are female, right?
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: If we just cut the population in half, it doesn't have to be a perfect number.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_01: Billions, billions of women on the planet, and we're still trying to figure out what the heck happens with menopause and perimenopause.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, it comes to that place where it's very uncomfortable and very dark, but um, it hasn't been a focus on women.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: It has been a focus on men, all of the research.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, and so we're at this place where women are sort of waking up.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I hope some enlightened men to realize that this is not okay.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: That we have, as a society, allowed women to be second-class citizens when it comes to medicine.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's not even taking into consideration women of color and other populations, Native Americans, people who have been denied access in so many ways and considered like that, it's not necessary for us to address that.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um it makes me angry and passionate and passion.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm getting red, considering is it perimenopause or am I angry?
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: Which one could it be?
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's you know, and um just I just saw the other day an interview with um two gentlemen.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even, I was it was on Instagram.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: It was a podcast that was just on a reel.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: Two gentlemen from the medical fields, um, one, a journalist who was around at the time that the research article came out and was misinterpreted and publicly said that uh hormone replacement therapy, they made the strong causal link is causing breast cancer in women, which they've now rescinded, but it's something that just got so set into the trend that now they're thinking there are millions of women who did not receive um medication and interventions that would have made their lives better, that would have prolonged their lives.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I think of this as like a very quiet um attack on women.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um and we're 20 plus years into this article that was misinterpreted.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: Have they ever helped the people who who stated that it was giving women breast cancer who misinterpreted and never came back and said, I was wrong.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: Have they been held accountable or did they get to continue to practice medicine?
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, anyway.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's no, it's so valid.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll I'll share with you that it's it's not even it's it's closer than you think.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm one of those women who was told that, you know, oh, it's dangerous.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need, you know, we're not gonna do that interview.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you can manage through, if you can manage through, manage through.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't get to sleep.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're sweating, you're losing hair.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, terrible, terrible symptoms that you struggle with.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: And people think, oh, that was 20 years ago.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's still happening.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's still now preventing.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: It still happens.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's your coworkers, it's your mothers, your sisters, your best friends, your girlfriends, your wives, your daughters.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's it, these are not, you know, people in books and history.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: These are the people right next to you that you love and that love you.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yet we're very passive about issues if we consider them women's issues.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if something gets called a woman's issue, well, I just don't know that there's any hope for it, frankly.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's it's it is a terrible thing.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: And to counter it as much as we can, I think people like you and I, um, and Nancy and Camille and all the other women who are showing up and doing the work of inviting other women to step into life fully.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we can do.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's the thing that we can do, and we have to keep doing.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: We have to invite other women into our circles.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that is something that I do now.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if we talked about it, but my um Stillwaters Collective is a sacred circle for women.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: It just started.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's a three-month cohort.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna keep running those and I'm gonna develop um an ongoing program.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna call it um, I just made a note to myself because I was working on it this weekend, um, and it'll be later in the spring, but it will be the deep water circle, and it will be specifically for women in Middle Essence as a place of support, a place to come and dream and feel safe enough to share what you are hoping for and then get the support you need to go ahead and step into your beautiful big life.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's how we're gonna change it, because we're gonna give women the courage and the expectation of being fulfilled.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it'll look different for each of us, but we don't have to wait anymore for permission to be different.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: The we don't have to wait for permission to change.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're doing it, we're just doing it.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: We know now that we can't depend on people who are not us to understand what this is like.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I think of my grandmother who was my heart.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know I was her favorite person on the planet.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, all you other grandkids, I was the one.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but she shared with me a story um of when my mom was a baby, she was a um a waitress at a diner in Harlem.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the person who was doing uh caretaking for my mom wasn't available that day.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: And circumstances were such, she and my grandfather had separated, that she could not miss work.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: So she takes my mom to the diner in her big pram.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: The fireman at the firehouse across the street sat outside on milk crates with my mom in a pram and babysat.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: And my grandmother did her shift at the diner, you know, checking out the window.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_00: On her break, she ran over and she fed her.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it happened more than once, evidently.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: That was this woman's reality.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: That was throughout history, millions of other women's uh reality.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um having to find a way forward.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: We are so so blessed and fortunate to be at this place in time, even though it feels very discouraging to me what is happening around us.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um but we are so blessed to be able to make decisions, no matter how small, that are in our best interest, that are in our best interest and the best interest of our families, our lives, and I believe society as a whole.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_00: That is that is how I see it.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: We we have a very small company.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we had a woman who was gonna have a baby a few years ago.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: She was worrying about childcare.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: Then our daughter who worked for us was also pregnant at the same time.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: My husband and I talked about it.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I really want to bring somebody in.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Based on the state laws, we were able to hire an on-site nanny.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_00: And these women got to continue nursing, bring their babies to work because they wanted to work, they wanted to keep working.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't want to step out of the workforce, they didn't want to give up what they had worked for so far, and they still were dedicated to being mothers.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: So they didn't have to choose because I was in a position to help them do it that way.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: We get to decide, and we have to start really stepping into our full authority on every level of our lives and owning this.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: We have the permission.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: We are giving ourselves the permission.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's, you know, I just feel like that is the future that we all need, that the world needs.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: Men will benefit too.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about women saying, Oh, we're better than men.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna come in, we're gonna take over everything.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's not what this is about.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: But this is about self-authority.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's it is about uh not just equality, but humanity.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then cause it strife and pain, and not not let this equal being come to realize their uh true self.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, squash them down, keep them quiet.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: Who gets to be the flower that's nurtured and who's the weed that you that you try to kill off?
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we can do better.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: I just am yes, you incite me, Ellie.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: You incite me.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can get me going.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: We are fine.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: I can't wait to get the comments on the podcast, like, yeah, girls, yeah, let's get it.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_01: Let's do it.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I I love the creativity you applied as a business owner to providing support in a way that allowed your business to continue to thrive and the people in your business to continue to thrive and those children to thrive.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_01: And you created an opportunity for someone to work.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that multiplied times all the different businesses that get to make those decisions for their employees, where we're really considering, you know, both the individual needs and that when we serve those individual needs as a business, then we also serve the whole, the entirety is succeeding because I don't know about you, but when I feel ultimately supported, there is limitless possibility for what I can offer because I don't have to worry about all of the other things.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_01: It it's it's a huge challenge uh as a woman, as a parent, to be able to balance all of these pieces um and we still have a long way to come to be able to do that and that um you know uh having children is not a new thing so why is it so hard for companies to support their employees in remaining employed and being a parent I don't know it's it's bewildering to me um but what you shared gives me hope um and it reminds me of another piece of power that we have and it's the power to choose where we spend our dollars yes so I would love to give you a chance you've you've hinted at your family business can you tell us a little bit more about that um and how people can support your business because um I think that's a little bit of the way that we can sort of like you know smash the patriarchy make things a little more balanced but you know where we spend our money I think that as women we spend a lot of money we use a lot of products you know we cultivate our homes I'm speaking very generally I understand but I could speak for myself that I want to spend my money where it matters to the companies and that the companies that I'm giving my money to are taking care of their people the environment all of that so tell us more about where you are what you do and how people can enjoy your services.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh I appreciate you you're so gracious um I'm actually in my office this morning because as we talked about earlier the neighbor was doing yard work and my dog wouldn't stop barking otherwise I would have been in my home office.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_00: But my company is business environment we uh do business as BE furniture we're located in Mars Plains New Jersey we've been in business for over 20 years.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: We are certified as an MWBE and we work in commercial interiors.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: So that's I know people are like what is that commercial interior?
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_01: But it's all of the uh office furniture architectural glass walls lighting um sound masking all of those uh things so I appreciate your letting me share that um it is a family business um and we do a lot of work within the state but we also work throughout the country and we've even done some international uh work so thank you and then um the company I founded for my mentoring and coaching is prospect and refuge life so those are the those are the companies um befurniture.com and prospectrefuge life.com are the uh are the websites the best way to to reach us I love that and I I'm so excited because I think even if what we've done today for a listener is to spark that little idea that curiosity that peace of joy that reframe of retirement gets to be something that I design for myself um or even how do I live more purposefully now with everything I'm doing and find that way to really shine and make more meaning out of my life because like you said there are so many places where our energy our caring could make a really big difference difference and as women in middle essence as you say I love that um we have a lot of wisdom to share and a lot of uh capability of guiding younger women or women who are in the same phase of life I love that we can learn from each other and I think that is a strength that many of us possess being able to share what we have as a strength and give it to others so I really encourage you listener to check out Kyra's business to find her online to follow her um and to consider checking out some of her amazing programs um as you can hear she is both eloquent tells beautiful stories um and has a way of making you feel so much possibility in your life so I want to thank you again for being here it has been an honor thank you for getting fired up with me for being vulnerable with me um and I just know that whoever hears this is going to find a piece of inspiration in it and if we can do that for people then we've we've done our job we can feel good about it.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: Any last parting words for the listener Kyra I I would share that as someone that took a really long time to find her voice there is so much joy in me feeling like I am using my words my written word my voice as a source of light and healing and hope in this world I the world is vast we can feel really tiny sometimes but we each have something we can give so go for it.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: That's it go for it and do your thing you're entitled do your thing yes be be entitled in the best possible way thank you so much for staying with me I'm gonna invite you listener if this episode really resonated with you please like share comment and rate the podcast um we're we're making waves and changing lives and you can do your part too by sharing this episode with someone and absolutely encourage you to reach out to Kyra.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much thank you for listening and wherever you are stay curious and have a great day.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_01: Take care everyone bye for now