Latest / The Karen Kenney Show / STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES
Transcript
- 0:01Karen Kenney: Hey, you guys! Welcome to the Karen Kenney
- 0:04Show. I'm wicked excited to be here with you today and spend a
- 0:07little time together. So, thank you if you're tuning in. I super
- 0:10duper appreciate it. I never ever ever take your willingness
- 0:14to spend a little time with me for granted. So, thanks for
- 0:17being here. I think I'm just gonna call this one looking for
- 0:24love in all the wrong places. Now look, if you're my age, if
- 0:29you're like in your, if you're Generation X, right, Gen X kids,
- 0:33you you all know this song. It was made wicked popular in 1980
- 0:39when John Travolta stad in this movie called Urban Cowboy. Oh my
- 0:49God! I think Deborah Winga. Deborah Winga played his his
- 0:52love interest in that movie. Her name, I think, was Sissy or
- 0:55something. He was Bud. I think it was like Bud and Sissy. So
- 0:59Johnny Lee. Johnny Lee was the recording artist. He's the one
- 1:02who recorded this and sang it and made it famous. So, but this
- 1:06this title of this song, "Looking for Love in All the
- 1:08Wrong Places, and it's really about this universal struggle
- 1:14for searching for love, searching for like genuine
- 1:17connection, and the frustration of looking for it in like all
- 1:21the wrong places, and there's this set of lines. Like I wrote
- 1:24it down. Hopefully, I can read my own handwriting. But it's
- 1:27basically like looking for love in all the wrong places, and
- 1:30then it says, "Looking for love in too. Oh, looking for love in
- 1:36all the wrong places. Looking for love in too many places, and
- 1:40also looking in faces, right? And then it says searching their
- 1:45eyes and looking for traces of this love that they're dreaming
- 1:49of. Now, in this context, of course, it is romantic love that
- 1:53he's pointing to, but this this core concept, this core line of
- 1:58looking for love in all the wrong places, has been bopping
- 2:01around in my head, and it doesn't really matter why. Just
- 2:07that it has been, and I think I want to talk about this today
- 2:12because not only does this apply to my own life, like remember
- 2:17everything I say on this show goes to my ears first. I almost
- 2:22think it's like some some smarter part of me. Some more.
- 2:29It's like the little librarians in my head are like shooting me,
- 2:34shooting me those little smarty pants parts of my brain are
- 2:37like, hey, we're gonna do a podcast episode about this, and
- 2:40it might sound like it's it's all for your ears, but it's also
- 2:43for my own ears too. You know what I mean? It's for my own
- 2:46awareness. So I'm going to keep it pretty short because to the
- 2:52point, what I want to say about this is that so often we do go
- 2:58looking for quote unquote love in all the wrong places, and we
- 3:02do it in a couple of different ways. But so the biggest one I
- 3:07see, especially in the work that I do as a mentor, as a coach,
- 3:10just and just in general, in talking with people and
- 3:13listening to people, you know, leading Write Club, where you
- 3:17know writing workshops and hearing people's stories, and
- 3:21and you know doing Thai yoga you know body work Thai yoga massage
- 3:24and and just talking with people you know so I guess what I'm
- 3:29trying to say is you know I'm 58 years old I've done a lot of
- 3:32listening I've heard a lot of relationship conflicts in my
- 3:37life but most of them stem from the home, like meaning your
- 3:42family of origin, your childhood. So, like I said,
- 3:45while in the movie it was based on this romantic love, and the
- 3:49song was all about trying to find you know genuine romantic
- 3:52connection or whatever. We also find this within our own
- 3:55families, within our own systems of relationships, and one of the
- 4:00big ones that I see is that we look for healing, right? We look
- 4:05for healing in the places and by the people who did the harm in
- 4:11the first place. We go looking for healing where the hurt was
- 4:16the origin cause, right?
- 4:18So it's like it's almost like we're waiting and hoping that
- 4:23those people, and it might be your parents, it might be your
- 4:27siblings, it might be your, you know, your your old friend or
- 4:33your coach or like, and I literally mean like it could
- 4:36have been your basketball coach, your baseball coach, your field
- 4:38hockey coach, your cheerleading coach, like whoever, a mentor, a
- 4:43priest, somebody in your life, right, who caused you harm. It
- 4:47could be even a whole organization. You know, I kind
- 4:50of think about when you see mass cases of sexual abuse, like with
- 4:55the girls' gymnastics or in the Boy Scouts or whatever in the in
- 4:59the Catholic Church. Whatever, you know, and we we we we are
- 5:03looking for the healing to come from those places. Like once
- 5:07they apologize, or once they admit what they've done wrong,
- 5:11once they can see the harm that they've called caused, like then
- 5:15I'm going to feel better. Then I can feel healing, or just hoping
- 5:19that your parents before they die, are gonna love you the way
- 5:22that you need to be loved or want to be loved, and a lot of
- 5:26times we're looking in that original source for the healing
- 5:29where the harm or the hurt was caused in the first place, and a
- 5:33lot of times those people, those systems, those situations don't
- 5:38actually change, you know, and I I often feel like if if we sit
- 5:43around and wait for those people or those places or those things
- 5:49to apologize, to get their act together, to own their bullshit,
- 5:52to you know, to like have reparations of some kind, you
- 5:57know, we're going to be waiting a long ass time, and it might
- 6:01never come in the form that we most need to find that healing.
- 6:08And so, you know, so much of this, and and I think this is
- 6:13why. Like, I remember when I first first became a student of
- 6:16a Course in Miracles, like way back in the day. And I'm not
- 6:19saying everybody should follow a course of miracles. It's a
- 6:22universal spiritual, you know. To me, it's like spiritual
- 6:26psychotherapy. It's a way of looking at things, myself, the
- 6:30world, situations, God, the universe, etc. from a different
- 6:34point of view. It's about shifting from a thought system
- 6:38that is steeped in fear, right? The very human ego, the
- 6:42ego-based, human-made kind of thought system, and
- 6:47relinquishing that one, and then replacing it with a thought
- 6:49system of love. Right, so this is how I kind of look at a
- 6:52Course in Miracles. But I remember when I first became a
- 6:55student of A Course in Miracles, and one of the things that
- 6:59really stuck out to me from the beginning, which in the
- 7:03beginning it kind of annoyed me a little bit. If we're just
- 7:06being totally honest, I was like, "Wait, what? But in the
- 7:09beginning, it was just like you know, you get to have a say,
- 7:13like you get to take responsibility for your own
- 7:17experience, for your own reality, how you're choosing to
- 7:20see yourself and other people and these things. Now, I'm not
- 7:24saying it puts the blame on you or anything like that, but for
- 7:28me, for me, and I'm just speaking for myself. A lot of
- 7:33what I learned was that I actually had more power than I
- 7:37knew. I could shift my perception and choose how I
- 7:41wanted to see myself and others, the way that I approached
- 7:45forgiveness, the process of forgiveness, and again, when I
- 7:49was ready, right, all of it. It was it was so huge for me. But
- 7:53one of the things that I realized is that I actually had
- 7:56choice, and I had autonomy, and I had agency, and I had
- 7:59authorship, and so I didn't have to sit around and wait for other
- 8:04people to change, wait for other people to be different, wait for
- 8:07other people to finally own it for me to have a different
- 8:11internal experience. I didn't have to wait on external things
- 8:15or people or circumstances or whatever to change for me to
- 8:21have peace. That was like a huge thing, right? So I learned, and
- 8:27I'm still sometimes learning. Look, not perfect, very, very
- 8:31human, still very clumsy, still trying to figure shit out as I
- 8:35go. But that's what this whole show is about, right?
- 8:38It's like me sharing thoughts or insights or stories, or aha
- 8:42moments, or tools, or whatever. As I'm trying to navigate this
- 8:46whole human experience, you're here along with me, my brothers
- 8:49and sisters, and other humans. So why not share this stuff with
- 8:52you? But I was just thinking about this: is that I don't want
- 8:55anybody else outside of me to ever hold the key to my peace of
- 8:59mind, to my piece of heart, to how I feel, I like to take call
- 9:05it radical responsibility, just call it ownership, call it
- 9:09whatever you want to call it. But I want to be in control of
- 9:12my own state of mind in my own state of heart. I'm not saying
- 9:17this is easy. There is there can be a huge temptation to be
- 9:21stingy with my love, to withhold my love, you know, to stay
- 9:26fucking angry, to stay pissed, to to stay in blame and shame
- 9:30and guilt and point fingers and all that stuff. But at the end
- 9:34of the day, and it doesn't mean that you excuse people's bad
- 9:37behavior. I'm not saying that. I always say like trauma explains
- 9:41a lot of things, but it doesn't excuse everything. People have
- 9:44to be accountable, but sometimes they won't take accountability,
- 9:49and that's point number one. If you're waiting around for other
- 9:52people to take accountability for their shitty actions, so
- 9:56that you can feel better about it, we just might be waiting our
- 9:59whole. Lives and to me, it's not worth it. We only have so much
- 10:03time on this planet. No time is guaranteed. We never know when
- 10:06the last exhale is coming, and I just don't want to give away
- 10:09that much of my own power. So, having a lot of different tools
- 10:13in your toolkit for how to navigate when things get
- 10:16uncomfortable, when how to navigate when you feel hurt, how
- 10:20to communicate all those things. So everything from being able to
- 10:23communicate, having emotional intelligence, having relational
- 10:27intelligence, knowing your own role, right, in in relationships
- 10:31and in the situations we find ourselves in. That's all wicked
- 10:34important. Okay, so like that's number one, right? Like not
- 10:37looking for healing in the places perhaps where the
- 10:41original harm or the inciting incident that hurt took place,
- 10:46because sometimes people just aren't willing to apologize.
- 10:50They aren't willing to own it. They aren't willing to change,
- 10:52and they might never say the words that you feel like you
- 10:54need them to say in order for you to get on with your life. So
- 10:57it's up to us sometimes. That's that one. Okay, number two,
- 11:03looking for sustenance and support in places that have been
- 11:08known to starve you, right? So often that's that stinginess.
- 11:13You know, I sometimes say in my yoga classes, right? Don't be
- 11:15stingy with your breath. Like, don't hold your breath. Don't
- 11:18contract your breath. Like for long periods of time, right?
- 11:20Like, don't. It's one thing if you're doing like box breathing
- 11:23and you're holding it for the count of four or something like
- 11:25that intentionally, like you know you're doing it. It's
- 11:28another thing to like hold your breath all the time. It's
- 11:30another thing to withhold your love, to be stingy. So don't be
- 11:34stingy with your love. Don't be stingy with your breath. I often
- 11:37say, but there are people, there are family members, there are
- 11:41situations, there are. are teachers and coaches and people.
- 11:45Your bosses, right? Your coworkers. Whatever it is, where
- 11:49you just want to be, you know, recognized that you know for
- 11:55whatever your point of view, your insights, your hard work,
- 12:00your whatever. Like you want to be recognized, you want to be
- 12:04seen, you want to be heard, you want that support. You want
- 12:08somebody, you know, to acknowledge. First of all, just
- 12:11acknowledge that you're even in the fucking room sometimes, but
- 12:14acknowledge you and to give you some support, whether it's from
- 12:18your friends or your family members or your coworkers, or
- 12:21whoever, and these people, out of their own fear, out of their
- 12:27own ego, out of their own lack of emotional intelligence, or
- 12:31whatever, they are just not going to feed you, man. They are
- 12:34going to starve you out. They're not going to. And it's
- 12:38interesting, right? You see this sometimes, even in the simplest
- 12:41of places, like let's take a text thread, right?
- 12:45And I've seen this in my own life. I've seen it with other
- 12:47people that I know, where or an email. You see it in emails all
- 12:52the time, and I've talked about this before. How I try to make
- 12:57my emails as idiot proof as possible when I'm communicating
- 13:01with people, I try to make like I literally will use like
- 13:07highlighted, like bright yellow highlighted moments. You know,
- 13:12throughout the email, I will number things so that it can't
- 13:15get lost in the copy of the text. I will literally write
- 13:19each sentence as a single sentence, so there's no
- 13:21confusion. There's no I read too fast, you know, too long, didn't
- 13:25read it, so I was scanning all that stuff, and yet still,
- 13:30people will just skip over things, whether it's intentional
- 13:34or non-intentional. I will find that these questions that I
- 13:38asked are not being answered. I don't know why that is. I don't
- 13:42know if people are just moving too fast. I don't know if they
- 13:45don't feel like answering. I don't know what goes on in other
- 13:48people's heads, but I will say it's a way of like withholding,
- 13:52and whether it's withholding information, withholding
- 13:56support, whatever the thing is. Excuse me. And I've also seen it
- 14:02in when people send text messages back and forth, and
- 14:05this could also go on behind the scenes, like in Instagram
- 14:07stories where you send each other memes or whatever, where
- 14:10one person sends something, and the other person doesn't even
- 14:14bother to respond. They don't acknowledge what was sent. They
- 14:18don't acknowledge that something was sent at all. They don't say
- 14:21anything about it. They don't give any indication that they
- 14:23looked at it, read it, whatever. They don't even use a little
- 14:26emoji. They don't use anything. They just respond with their own
- 14:30thing. And when I think about this, you know, we've normalized
- 14:34a lot of these communication behaviors. But the reality of it
- 14:38is that if I was talking to you and I said something like, like
- 14:43I tell you a story, and the story, like obviously, if I'm
- 14:48telling you, it has some meaning to me, whether I want you to
- 14:51laugh or I want you to understand something or
- 14:53whatever. And if I just basically said I'll just like
- 14:57make something up, and I'm like, yeah, and then the dog bit me.
- 15:00And the owner just stood there looking at me, and I was like,
- 15:03"Ouch! And then they looked at me and said, "Well, I went
- 15:06grocery shopping today, and the tomatoes were. And I would, I
- 15:09would just be like, "What the fuck is happening right now?
- 15:12Like, I just, I just sent you something or shared something
- 15:16with you. Now I'm not talking that people have to respond to
- 15:19every frigging meme, but I'm talking about true, genuine
- 15:22things where you send something and you sent it for purposeful
- 15:26in some way, and then the other person just doesn't even
- 15:29acknowledge that you said anything. This is a way of
- 15:32withholding. This is a way of like stabbing a person in a way.
- 15:35You know what I mean? And it's like so we go looking for
- 15:38sustenance from people or places that do not have the emotional
- 15:43depth, do not care enough to respond in that way, where
- 15:48they're just kind of either drawing back or shifting away,
- 15:54or they were never like that in the first place, and and you see
- 15:57this a lot in relationships where people are like, well, I
- 16:00see the good in them. I see the potential in them, and I really
- 16:04think like if I just hang in there in this relationship, this
- 16:06person is going to change. They're going to be more
- 16:09present, or more kind, or more compassionate, or more open and
- 16:12emotional, and able to share with me, or whatever the thing
- 16:16they'll commit, or whatever the thing is, right? So a lot of
- 16:20times we're looking for sustenance and support in places
- 16:24and people who are starving you, and sometimes we don't want to
- 16:28admit it because we don't want to have to give up on the
- 16:33relationship or leave the friendship or tell the family
- 16:37you're all set, you're not going to Thanksgiving dinner because
- 16:40it just leaves you, you know. It's like you want to be
- 16:43nurtured and nourished, but you end up feeling, I don't know,
- 16:48more empty, more hungry, right?
- 16:50More starving in a way than when you left, and that's not good
- 16:55too. And these are just things to also look out for. It's not
- 16:57about just blaming these patterns of behavior on other
- 17:01people. It's also recognize it in ourselves, the places where
- 17:05maybe we're doing this too. And you know, it's funny because I
- 17:09just read this meme the other day that said something like,
- 17:16you know, I don't. I'm paraphrasing. I'm not going to
- 17:18get it perfectly right off the top of my head, but it's
- 17:20something like I get mad or I get upset when people ask me
- 17:25these days what books I'm reading for personal
- 17:27development, and it says I'm doing my best to read books that
- 17:33that un un undevelop me, unprofessionally develop me
- 17:38because I want to go back to being human. You know what I
- 17:40mean, and so I think about this a lot. You know, with this
- 17:44podcast, where I never want this to ever feel like it's just me
- 17:48saying you need to work on yourself. You've got issues.
- 17:51You've got shit. Like you got to do this. You don't have to do
- 17:54anything. These are just things that I notice about being human
- 17:58and the ways that we relate to each other, both in ways where
- 18:01we can get it really right sometimes, but also in the ways
- 18:05that we can get it really wrong. And the reality of it is, is
- 18:09it's just hard. First of all, it's just hard being on the
- 18:12planet and being a human, and then you add into it these
- 18:16intricacies of relationships, whether it's the families you're
- 18:20born into the people that adopted you, the systems you
- 18:23were put into. Maybe you were in foster care, right? The the
- 18:27sibling relationships, the friendships. Maybe you were an
- 18:30only child. You didn't have the sibling thing, so your friends
- 18:33were more like your siblings, or your cousins, or whatever it is.
- 18:36But these these roles that we play as individuals, and the
- 18:39roles that we play relationally, and then the greater, bigger
- 18:43systems-whether it's school or university or the church or your
- 18:47synagogue or temple or the yoga studio or whatever-right? We
- 18:52have the individuals, and then we usually have small groups,
- 18:54and then we have these much bigger things. And to exist in
- 18:57these things sometimes can just be hard. It is just hard, so I
- 19:03like to talk about these things because to me these are the
- 19:05things that matter. When we're on our deathbeds, most of us
- 19:09aren't going to be like, "Oh, I wish I worked harder. I wish I
- 19:12had more, you know, another, you know, whatever accolades.
- 19:18Hopefully, I think most of us are going to wonder, "Did I show
- 19:21up and did I love people well? Did I let myself be loved? Did I
- 19:26give love? Did I get good at receiving love? Did I make a
- 19:29difference while I was alive? Did my life have meaning and
- 19:32purpose? Did I, you know, did I follow like the own divine
- 19:37inspiration of my own heart? Did I do what I feel like I was sent
- 19:42here to do? Right. I think these are the things we're going to be
- 19:44thinking about-not how many toys we had, not how much money we
- 19:47had, not none of that stuff. So hopefully, you know, the Karen
- 19:51Kenney show, you know, helps you to to think about these things:
- 19:55how we're relating to ourselves, to each other, to the divine
- 19:59God, the. The environment, the animals, right? Like who and how
- 20:03are we being in the world? Okay, and then the last one I want to
- 20:06talk about is the people who you're trying to get
- 20:12encouragement from, right? And they're just the people who have
- 20:16spent probably more time trying to embarrass you or discourage
- 20:21you? Do you know what I mean? Like you'd be like, I have this
- 20:24dream that I'm going to be a best-selling author one day, or
- 20:27I have this dream that I'm going to play professional baseball,
- 20:30or I have a dream that I'm going to start a business, or I'm
- 20:33going to save the whales, or whatever it is. And then those
- 20:36those people, you know, we go to them looking for that
- 20:40encouragement again, looking for love in all the wrong places,
- 20:42and we want the encouragement, and yet we get people who would
- 20:46rather like tear us down.
- 20:47Do you know what I mean? So you're looking for this
- 20:49cheerleading, and instead they chide you, right? And I think
- 20:56like it goes back to me, like you know, they talk about people
- 20:59who have mommy issues or quote unquote daddy issues, and so
- 21:03much of us, so much of us as adults, is trying to work out
- 21:08the shit that went down when we were kids, right? I might even
- 21:11do a whole episode on this. We're all just grown up kids,
- 21:16right? And sometimes we're not that grown up, but a lot of this
- 21:20is when we're looking for encouragement. We're looking for
- 21:22cheerleading from people who would rather tear you down, who
- 21:26would rather keep you small, who would rather remind you of all
- 21:29the times you fucked up or blew it or screwed up or why you
- 21:33can't do it because you're not fill in the blank enough or
- 21:36you're too much of that. Right? You're too irresponsible or
- 21:41you're too much of a daydreamer, or you're not good enough at
- 21:45that. As if you can't learn things, as if you can't get
- 21:48help. Right. So these are just some of the ways where it's
- 21:52like, you know, we want and we're waiting for other people
- 21:57to change, and if we're waiting for somebody else to change for
- 22:01how they're relating to us, we're just on so many levels
- 22:05going to suffer. It's like we, it's like you know, we talk
- 22:07about how expectations are premeditated resentments, right?
- 22:12That's kind of like what this is. Like if I sit around
- 22:15expecting you to change and waiting for you to change, I'm
- 22:19already going to be annoyed and upset that you're not behaving
- 22:22the way that I want you to, so that I can then feel better. You
- 22:26know what I mean. So I would much rather encourage us. Number
- 22:32one, look if you're a person of faith, or if you're a spiritual
- 22:36person, or you're somebody who believes in God or Source or
- 22:41even mother, you know, mother nature, or you know, the
- 22:44universe-that there is a greater loving energy. Whatever name you
- 22:48call it by doesn't matter to me. If you're somebody who kind of
- 22:51leans in that direction, we can seek comfort. We can seek this
- 22:55belonging. First of all, you belong to yourself, number one,
- 23:01and you can also think of it as you belong to something greater.
- 23:04You belong to the collective of your ancestors of souls. You're
- 23:09one of God's kids. You're an extension of the divine. You're
- 23:12made of stardust. However you think of it, knowing that you
- 23:16know we can find healing and sustenance and encouragement and
- 23:21cheerleading, and support, and nourishment from within
- 23:24ourselves. So start there. Start with the eternal. Start with the
- 23:29things that never change, which is I believe God loves you.
- 23:33There are a lot of people who don't believe that there is a
- 23:36you know a quote unquote God that personally knows their name
- 23:40or personally loves you, right? And people can think that's the
- 23:43fun thing. That's the fun thing about all this is you can
- 23:46believe whatever you want to believe, right? I was raised a
- 23:48Catholic kid, and you know, and maybe you find great connection
- 23:53and with with like the compassionate mother, right?
- 23:56Mother Mary, or maybe Kuan Yin is one of the the figures that
- 24:01you think of, like whatever we can reach into mythology and
- 24:05mysticism and all of it, it's all available to us. But these
- 24:09things that have been around that are ancient, we can find.
- 24:12You know what a Shwaran calls a Eknatheshwaran calls a sanctum
- 24:16sanctorum. This place within you that to me is like it's steady,
- 24:22it's steady, and it's safe, and it's reliable, and it's calm,
- 24:26and it's strong. You know that number one. Look for love in
- 24:30that place, and then if we go externally, if we go out there,
- 24:35look for your balcony people. I did a whole episode on that. You
- 24:38can Google that. Look for your cheerleaders. We don't just want
- 24:42though people who are yes people who are always going to take our
- 24:45side and blow smoke up our ass and tell us where the bee's
- 24:47knees and we never ever ever ever ever fuck up because we do,
- 24:51right? You want the friends who love you enough to say, "Hey,
- 24:54that hurt.
- 24:54You know that hurt when you said that, or that was uncool, or
- 24:57what did you mean by that, or hey, have you thought that?" Out
- 25:00or hey, you said you wanted to X, Y, and Z, but I see that
- 25:04you're not like we want the people who love us enough to be
- 25:07kind and compassionate yet honest with us. I always say
- 25:11loving but firm. You know, we want those people in our lives.
- 25:15So if you find that you keep return, I call it like returning
- 25:18to the scene of the crime. You keep returning to the scene of
- 25:21the crime, hoping not to see the dead body, or not to seeing the
- 25:24smashed windows, or not seeing right all the glass on the
- 25:27street, not seeing the wounds, and we think like, oh, well,
- 25:31this is going to be different this time, and it's like it's
- 25:33probably not going to be unless that person has been in therapy,
- 25:39unless that person is willing to own some shit, unless that
- 25:43person has been on a growth journey of their own. Unless
- 25:46that person is like become more aware. Unless that person can
- 25:50really listen and is willing to be a little uncomfortable
- 25:55sometimes, you know. So try to find the places where you
- 26:00already always belong with self and source and spirit. And then,
- 26:04if we're going to look to the humans, if we're going to look
- 26:06to the the outside world, you know where you can find it. A
- 26:09lot of times, you can find so much love in relationship with
- 26:12animals. You can find so much love in relationship with with
- 26:16the trees and the oceans and Mother Nature and the natural
- 26:20world around us, you know, humans can be a little tougher
- 26:24sometimes. Cause God bless us, God bless us. I'm making the
- 26:31sign of the cross. God bless us. We are so human. We people be
- 26:36people, and you know what I mean. People be people, and in
- 26:39really wicked big ways. So that's all I'm saying. Like
- 26:42maybe, maybe let's not keep looking for love at the scene of
- 26:47the crime in all the wrong places, and in the places where
- 26:50people continue to harm us and hurt us, people who can insist
- 26:54on starving you and withholding their love from you, who would
- 26:57rather embarrass you than encourage you, the people who
- 26:59like to chide you or make fun of you or tear you down and try to
- 27:04keep you small, you know. Let's not go looking for love in those
- 27:07places. And you know, I have to acknowledge that there's a
- 27:10grieving process when we realize, like, oh, this is never
- 27:13going to change. This is just how they are insisting on being.
- 27:18But I don't have to insist On, like waiting for my own healing,
- 27:25waiting for my own liberation for somebody else to do the work
- 27:28and change. I get to take control of my own experience,
- 27:32which, and not always, right? I understand there are greater
- 27:35systems of oppression, there are greater systems of racism and
- 27:38sexism and violence, and not always. But I'm talking on kind
- 27:42of like the the the micro level, you know, of what we can do
- 27:47within our own relationship with self to really just kind of see
- 27:51things clearly and make some decisions about, you know, where
- 27:54we are gonna try to look for love. And then the other thing
- 27:58that I will say is this: instead of looking for love, you know, I
- 28:01always think of the prayer of Saint Francis, which I have been
- 28:04saying for most of my life. You know, and there's that great
- 28:08section where he says, you know, grant that I may not so much
- 28:12seek to console as to console, like be consoled as to console,
- 28:18right? May not may not so much seek to be loved as to love,
- 28:24because it's in giving that we receive. You know, it's in
- 28:27giving that we receive. So a lot of times, you know, and I'm not
- 28:31saying this because really we got to be mindful too of the
- 28:34imbalances in relationships. But just a nod that sometimes, you
- 28:38know, if you want to experience more love, give more love. If
- 28:40you want to get better at being patient, practice patience,
- 28:44right? So practicing love, practicing forgiveness when it's
- 28:47appropriate and right timing for you, you know all of these
- 28:52things.
- 28:53So I hope something, even if it's just one little thing that
- 28:57I said today, has been helpful for you in some way, I know that
- 29:03some little kid, some younger part of me, is in there
- 29:05listening as well, and I I want to say I hope that it's helpful
- 29:09for me too, because that's that's the point. I listen to
- 29:14the little I listen to the little librarians in my head
- 29:17running the library up there, their little Philofaxus and the
- 29:20little Dewey Decimal COD catalog up there, you know, and they're
- 29:23always like pulling things out and bringing them into my
- 29:26awareness as well. So I really appreciate you for being here.
- 29:29Thank you so much. And anything that I'm up to, anything that
- 29:33you're interested in, whether that's you know Bright Club or
- 29:37Thai Yoga Body Work or yoga classes or mentoring, spiritual
- 29:41mentoring, coaching, whatever it is, all the stuff, the podcast,
- 29:45everything I'm up to, you can just find online at Karen Kenney
- 29:48K E N N E y.com. So thank you for being here. I hope you have
- 29:53a fantastic rest of your day or night whenever you're listening
- 29:56to this, and wherever you go, may you leave the. Animals and
- 30:00the other people and yourself and the planet and the
- 30:03environment better than how you first found them. Wherever you
- 30:06go, may you and your presence and your love and your energy
- 30:12and just all of it, just you, just you, may you be a blessing.
- 30:17Bye.