Latest / Northman Coaching / Enthusiasm: Show Up Even When Motivation Doesn’t
Transcript
- Gary: What if enthusiasm isn't about feeling excited all the time? What if it is the decision to keep showing up with purpose, even when the feeling isn't there? Because if your motivation disappears the moment that life gets hard, was it enthusiasm or just excitement about things going your way? Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening. Wherever you're listening from, welcome back to the North Man Coaching Podcast. I am your host, Gary Hults. And today We are talking about the core value of enthusiasm. When people hear that word, they may picture the loudest person in the room. High energy, big smile, always ready to go. But enthusiasm isn't a personality type. You don't have to be an extrovert. You don't have to pretend that you're happy when you're hurting. And you don't have to turn every hard day into a motivational speech. Enthusiasm is a way of bringing yourself to the life you have. It's interest, it's commitment. It's the willingness to engage instead of checking out. It's the fire that says, this matters, so I'm going to give it my honest attention. Today I want us to question a belief that can quietly drain that fire. I will bring my best when I feel inspired. Is that really how a meaningful life gets built? Or do we often become inspired because we start showing up? We will look at enthusiasm through faith, fatherhood, relationships, and the work of rebuilding. And we'll talk about the difference between genuine enthusiasm and performing positivity for everyone else. So, what is enthusiasm and what is it not? Enthusiasm is not constant happiness. It isn't defined grief, exhaustion, disappointment, or uncertainty. You can be enthusiastic about your life and still have days when you feel heavy. You can care deeply about your family and still need rest. You can believe in your future and still admit that today is fucking hard. That distinction matters because men can turn values into another weapon against themselves. We tell ourselves, I should be more positive. I should be over this by now. I should have more energy. Then We shame ourselves for having a human response to a difficult season. But enthusiasm doesn't ask you to fake a feeling. It asks you to bring intention to what you do next. The Apostle Paul writes in Romans chapter 12, verse 11, I believe, never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor serving the Lord. The point isn't that a faithful person has a permanently elevated mood. The passage calls us toward commitment in how we live and serve. Zeal has direction. It has energy. It has energy that's actually invested in something. Beyond our immediate comfort. So here's a question we're sitting with. What deserves your energy right now? Not someday when everything is fixed, but in the life you actually have today. Maybe it's being present with your child for 20 minutes without your phone. Maybe it's taking responsibility for a conversation you've been avoiding. Maybe it's doing the ordinary work. That keeps your household steady. Maybe it's going to the appointment, making the call, or getting out of bed and taking the next small step. None of that has to look dramatic to matter. Let's talk about the story that we tell ourselves about motivation. A lot of us live by a rule that we rarely examine. First, I need to feel motivated. Then I will act. Let's take a moment and test that rule. How many of the things that you are proudest of began with perfect confidence and a surge of excitement? How often did you start unsure, tired, afraid, and find your confidence after you took the first step? I think I found mine after the second or third step, probably, but whatever. We assume that feelings must lead and action must follow. But action can also shape how we feel. A small step can restore a sense of agency. Keeping one promise to yourself can remind you that you're not powerless. Making progress can create the energy you were waiting for. So that doesn't mean pushing through every limit because exhaustion and burnout deserve attention. Rest can be the wise, responsible next step. The challenge is learning the difference between a genuine need for recovery and a habit of waiting for life to feel easy before we participate in it. Ask yourself: Am I resting because I need to recover? Or am I avoiding the discomfort of beginning? Be honest, but don't use the answer. To punish yourself. Use it to choose the next right move. Enthusiasm grows when our actions connect to something we value. If your goal is only to impress people, then your energy will rise and fall with their reactions. If your goal is to live with integrity, love your family well, grow in faith, or build something useful, you have a deeper reason to keep going when the applause is absent. That's where enthusiasm becomes more than a mood. It becomes a practice of alignment. Here is the free thinking question for you today. Where did you learn what a successful, confident, or motivated man is supposed to look like? Was it from a mentor who knows you? A community that challenges you with care? Or was it from a feed full of men performing certainty, wealth, toughness, and effortless discipline for a camera? There is nothing wrong with learning from other people. We all do it. But we can absorb someone else's definition of enthusiasm without realizing it. We may decide that if we aren't constantly grinding, then we must be lazy. If we aren't loud, we must be lacking confidence. If we're struggling, we must be failing. If we need help, then we are not strong. Who benefits when you believe that? Does it help you become a better father, a partner, friend, or a man? Or does it keep you comparing your real life with somebody else's edited highlight reel? Free thinking. Doesn't mean rejecting every voice around you. It means examining what you actually fucking hear. Ask, does this belief match my values? Does it produce honesty, courage, patience, and responsibility? What evidence would make me reconsider it? And am I willing to change my mind if the belief is not helping me live well? Enthusiasm that depends on comparison is very fucking fragile. Someone else will always seem further ahead. Someone will have a better body, a bigger business, a more polished message, or a life that looks easier from the outside. If your fire depends on being ahead of them, you will spend your life trying to outrun people instead of becoming the man you said that you wanted to be. The stronger question is what is mine to build? And what is the next honest step? Let's talk about enthusiasm in fatherhood. Fatherhood gives us a daily chance to practice enthusiasm in a grounded way. Our kids don't need us to be entertaining every minute. They need us to be engaged, and there it is a difference. A child can feel when we are physically in the room, but mentally somewhere else. And most of us know that feeling as adults too. Talking to someone whose eyes on a screen, whose answers are automatic, whose attention is already leaving. You do not have to plan an expensive outing to show your child that you are glad to be their dad. Put the fucking phone down. Ask a real question. Listen to the answer without immediately turning it into advice. Let them show you something they care about, even if it isn't your thing. Your curiosity tells them you matter enough for me to enter your world. And enthusiasm also means making space for who they are becoming. We can love our children. And still struggle to loosen our grip. Sometimes we call it protection when part of what we are feeling is fear. We want them safe, but we also want to keep them close, keep them small, and keep them within our reach. Ask yourself: Am I supporting my child's growth? Or am I asking them to make my anxiety more comfortable? What would encouragement look like if it helped them become capable rather than dependent on my approval? That is not an easy question. But loving them enough to think about it is a form of enthusiasm for their future. So now let's bring enthusiasm over to relationships. Enthusiasm matters relationships too, but it shouldn't become another performance. Healthy enthusiasm is not pursuing someone so intensely that you abandon your boundaries. It isn't confusing chemistry with compatibility or trying to prove that you are worth choosing because you are always worth choosing. It looks like being present, asking questions, sharing honestly. and bringing warmth to the connection while staying grounded. It is so important to stay grounded in who you are. It also means showing interest without pretending to be somebody else. It means bringing care and curiosity and also paying attention to whether the other person is meeting you there. A question for anyone dating or rebuilding after a relationship. Are you enthusiastic about getting to know this person? Or are you mainly enthusiastic about the possibility that they might finally make you feel chosen? Those are not the same fucking thing. One makes room for curiosity. The other can make us race ahead. Ignore what we're learning and call our anxiety passion. And for those in a long-term relationship, enthusiasm can be as simple and as meaningful as turning toward your partner again. Ask what's been on their mind. Notice the effort they make. Bring a little initiative. Create a date night. Don't assume that because the relationship is familiar, your attention no longer matters. You do not need grand gestures every week. You need small signs that you are still willing to participate. I want to take a quick pause and talk about the Northman Brotherhood. If you are a man rebuilding after divorce, separation, or season that has knocked you off course, you do not have to do all of the work alone. The Northman Brotherhood is a place to connect with men who are doing the same work. One honest conversation, one step at a time. You can learn more at Northmancoaching.com And if you are ready for focused one-on-one support, I offer coaching to help you get clear, rebuild your direction, and follow through on what matters. You can find details on the website as well. Now, let's get back to enthusiasm. And what it looks like when life isn't going according to plan. So when life has taken the wind out of you, what do you do? Because some seasons don't feel inspiring. Grief can make the future hard to picture. A breakup can shake your sense of identity. Work can drain the energy you hoped to give your family. A setback can make you wonder whether all the effort is really worth it. If that's where you are, I'm not gonna tell you to just get excited. That would be some pretty cheap fucking advice. Sometimes enthusiasm starts with something much smaller than excitement. Refusing to treat this painful chapter as the entire story. You may not feel a fire. You may only have enough for one match. Use it to make one honest choice. Drink the water. Send the message. Ask for support. Take the walk. Pray. Even if the words are simple. Do the next piece of work. Go to bed on time. Let one person know what is really happening in your life. Then do not dismiss that step because it didn't transform your whole life. It counts. You're practicing. Participation in that moment really counts. And checking out might feel a whole lot easier. And if what you need is rest, then take it without calling yourself a failure. Enthusiasm is not measured by how much you can endure. It is measured by whether you are willing to care wisely. For the life and the people entrusted to you, including yourself. So let's make this practical. Here are three ways to practice enthusiasm this week. First, let's choose one thing that deserves our full attention. Not 10 things, just one. Whether that be a conversation with your child, a work responsibility, a commitment to your health, a prayer, a project that you keep postponing. give it a focused block of time and show up. without dividing your attention. Second, take one step before you feel fully ready. Make the call. Write the first paragraph. Put your fucking shoes on. Ask the question. Keep the step small enough to do, but meaningful enough to interrupt the pattern of waiting. Third, catch one borrowed belief. When you hear yourself say a real man should or I can be happy or I can't be happy until pause. Ask who taught you that. Whether it fits your values and what it's asking you to sacrifice. Keep the belief if it stands up to honest examination. Revise it if it does not. These are simple practices, but simple doesn't mean easy. Enthusiasm is strengthened by the choices we repeat. So I want to leave you with a few questions, and you don't have to answer them all at once. Take one with you. Where in your life have you been waiting to feel inspired before you engage? What do you still care about, even if you're tired or uncertain? Are you using positivity to hide with either tension or using honesty to choose a hopeful next step? And what would change? If you bought your attention, effort, and care to the life you have today instead of waiting for a different life to begin. Enthusiasm isn't pretending the road is easy, because the road is never fucking easy. It is deciding what matters is worth your presence. It's the courage to invest your energy in a life that reflects your values, even when the mood comes and goes, and it will. You don't need to be the loudest man in the room. You don't need to have it all figured out. You need to know what matters and be willing to show up for it. So in closing, I want to say that if this episode gave you something to think about, please share it with another person who might need the reminder. Follow or subscribe to the Northman Coaching Podcast. Leave a review if you can. It helps other men find these conversations. If you want to keep doing this work shoulder to shoulder, then come to join the Northman Brotherhood. Visit Northman Coaching.com to learn more. And if you are looking for personal support as you rebuild, reach out about one-on-one coaching. Again, I'm Gary Hults. Keep questioning the beliefs that shape your life. Keep choosing the values that you want to live by. And keep showing up for what matters, brick by brick, shoulder to shoulder. I will talk to you next time.