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Breaking Free · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mum and mea podcast. Muma Mea
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: podcast is recorded on It's often said we women have
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: a sixth sense. Our guts are strong and can play
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: a big part in whether we trust someone or not.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Behavior change says a lot about someone, especially when you're
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: in such a good relationship and all of that changes.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: I think that spoke wonders, So yeah, I think a
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: part of me did know that something was going on
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: and that I wanted to figure out what it was.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: But a gut instinct is an evidence. Can our bodies
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: buy tricks on us? We can choose to ignore, to
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: live with the icky feelings, or we can choose to
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: confront them head on.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: And I said to him, I have found out some
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: information about you, and I need you to tell me
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: the truth. And if you tell me the truth now,
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: we can work through this, and we can work through
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: this together. But if you light on my face, I
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: will walk away right now. And he just looked at
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: me and went completely white and just started hysterically crying
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: and saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and just owned it.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who live them now. Dear listener,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: We've brought your stories before about young love, but this
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: one might just take the cake. Claire and Patrick were
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: just sixteen when they met, not even in their final
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: years of high school. When they got together.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: We were talking for a few months and sort of
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: seeing each other very casually, as you can imagine in
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: year ten it's quite casual. And then like three or
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: four months in, he just called it quits and he
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: was just like, I only see you as a friend.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: I was absolutely heartbroken, Like I was. I thought this
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: boy was gonna be my first boyfriend, and I was
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: so excited, and then he just kind of was like,
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I just see you as a friend. It honestly took
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: me about a year to get over him. Like I
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: would see him out at parties and I would do
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: anything I could to get his attention.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: I would talk to his friends.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: He just had absolutely no no interest in me anymore.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't until probably like a year after that
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: where I'd finally gotten over him, and I knew that
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: because I saw him at a party and he said hi,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: and I was so disinterested, and for the first time ever,
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: I went, I actually don't care that you're here. It
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: was so freeing because I was like, I'm actually over
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: this guy after a year. And you know they say
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: they come crawling back when they know you've moved on,
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: and he came crawling back. He started messaging me again
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: and wanting to hang out. I was pretty disinterested, but
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: he was persistent, and I was like, Okay, we can
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: give this another crack. I realized that I wasn't actually
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: over him. I wanted to be, but yeah, there's always
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: a little part of me that had that tiny bit
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: of hope that we would get back together because I
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: really really.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Did like him.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: It was end of year eleven when we started officially dating,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: became boyfriend and girlfriend, and I had my first ever boyfriend.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: I honestly was infactuated. He was such an amazing person.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: He was just the cool guy. Everyone when they found
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: out I was dating him, like it was like, oh
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: my god, you're dating Patrick. That's so cool, Like it
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: was quite a cool thing. Like he was just known
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: to be one of those amazing guys. He had a
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: really good reputation, so everyone that spoke to me literally
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: had only good words to say about him. He genuinely
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: was so caring, so loving. He had put a lot
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: of thought into our relationship. So when I finished my exams,
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: he'd come over and drop me care packages like bathrobe
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: or chocolates and things like that. So he really was,
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: on paper, a perfect boyfriend. The first year was honestly amazing,
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Like I think it set the standard for what I
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: wanted to be treated like. I would sneak out on
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: school nights and he'd pick me up and would sleep
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: in the back of his car because we weren't allowed sleepovers.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: In year twelve, he'd plan these romantic dates.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: On Valentine's Day, he would take me down to their
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: favorite beach with a picnic rug and everything. Pretty much
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: everything you'd want as a seventeen year old from a relationship.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: He was giving like pen to paper.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: He had everything that you'd want for So yeah, it
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: was honestly so amazing. It was a feeling of I've
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: found my person. I was convinced I was going to
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: marry him, like it felt so right, and I had
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: a lot of friends that were in relationships that weren't
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: being treated the same way as I was. So I
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: felt so lucky and so special for being treated like that,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: and very grateful for it.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: But they were young, and young people often make mistakes
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: while they're bumbling through what life is meant to look
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: like beyond all you've ever known.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: For all those years at school, at.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: The end of year twelve, when we went to schoolies,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: or what we call levers, we actually went to separate leavers,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: which was a shame because obviously you're celebrating finishing high
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: school and you want to be doing that with your person.
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: But we both knew that wasn't going to happen because our.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Friends were going different places and it was over that period.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I honestly had no insecurities or any doubts at that time,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: because I was never given a reason to.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: But it was when I came back from school is
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: and saw.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Him for the first time, I just knew that something
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: had happened and everything had changed, his whole mannerisms, even
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: just the look in his eyes, like it was like
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: I was talking to an entirely different person. So I
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: got to his house and he had a black eye,
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: which I am a little princess, like I hate fist fights.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: That was always something I said to him because high
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: school boys sometimes get drunk and do stupid things, and
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: I always laid out the carts, do not get involved
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: in fist fights.
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: It's disgusting. So he had a black eye and.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: He said to me, I ran into a door, which
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: was straight up a very bizarre thing to say. And
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: he's just very withdrawn, like, wasn't treating me the same.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: His mannerisms were different, his behaviors were different. And then
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: after a lot of investigating and persistence from my end,
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: he finally admitted that he wasn't a dool and that
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: he got in a punch up with someone in school.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: It was probably like a couple of months where he
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: was different. He was really really withdrawn. His behaviors were different.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: He just wasn't putting in the effort as much. And
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: to be honest, I didn't think much of it at
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: the time. I thought, it's a big life change. We
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: were in school, you know, before that, and now we've
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: got all this freedom where we're both eighteen, Like, there's
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: a lot of change happening in our lives. So I
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: think I kind of put those behavior changes to that.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: But it wasn't.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Until I was out at a like a day event
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: with all my girlfriends and I had a friend of
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: mine come up to me, like pull me out of
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: the moshpit and be like, just want to let you
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: know that Patrick is sending notes to my friend. My
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: stomach sunk, but I just still did not believe that
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: he was capable of that. I knew how much he
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: loved me, so I was just like, I just didn't
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: believe that he would be capable of doing that. But
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: it's also a very very bizarre allegation for someone to make.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: There's no motive for her as have said any of that.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I think a part of me believed it,
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: but the majority of me just was in deny and
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: was like, he's not capable of that, and there must
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: be some other reason or some confusion here. So yeah,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: I just kind of enjoyed my night the best that
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: I could with my girlfriends. I stayed for a couple
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: of hours, but obviously my mind was busy, so my
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: cousin and I went back to her house and I
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: gave him a call and asked him about what I
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: had heard about the snapchats with this girl, and immediately
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: he was angry, so angry that I would even believe
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: someone over him, and that I would even think that
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: he was capable of something like that. So my reaction
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: for believing and being upset over what I had heard
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: was the problem, not the fact that I had heard
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: that or that he had done that. So yeah, it
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: was a big, big blowout where he was so angry
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: and upset with me for pretty much accusing him, and
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I pretty much spent the next like two three days
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: apologizing and making up.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: To him in every way that I could.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: You know, he put up the silent treatment on me
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: for a couple of days, and I hate the silent
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: treatment so much it literally drives me insane. But yeah,
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: I ended up apologizing and making it up to him,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: and from there on he was like, Okay, he wasn't
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: happy that I believe someone that I hardly knew over him,
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: which at the time made sense to me because my
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: loyalties and my trust sat with him, so I shouldn't
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: have believed a stranger over my boyfriend who had proven
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: nothing to me that he would ever do that. He'd
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: never broken my trust before, so to doubt him based
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: off what I had heard from pretty much a stranger,
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: did seem wrong. Once he kind of presented that point
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: to me, he started acting a little bit back to normal.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: But that pit in my stomach never left. Once that
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: seed has been planted in your head, you always are
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: going to have a tiny seed of doubt. And although
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: I didn't believe that he had done it, there was
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: always that inkling but what if? So has any investigated
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: girlfriend would do. He was in the shower one day
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: and I just thought, the only way I'm going to
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: crush this is by going into his phone and just
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: checking his snapchat best friends to see if that girl's
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: name was there. I fought it for a long time
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: because maybe I didn't.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: Want to see what was in there.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Every time I was with him and the phone was
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: left in the room, I thought about it, but I
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: think there's that element of breaking their trust. It's a
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: very big invasion of privacy going on someone's phone. So
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: I think I fought it for as long as I could.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: But after a couple of months of just continually always
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: thinking that what if and just wanting to know the
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: answers and the truth, I just bit the bullet and
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: had to look for myself.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: So he was in the shower.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: And I on his phone, and to my surprise, all
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: six of his snapchat best friends were females. He went
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: to a co ed school. Having a lot of female
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: friends is not a red flag to me. I honestly
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: find that I really liked that about him because I
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: knew a lot of his girlfriends, but there were none
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: of his girlfriends on this six best friends, so there
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: was not one name that I recognized, so they were
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: all complete strangers' names, and one of the girls was
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: the one from the accusation. My heart was literally beating
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: out my chest, like you know that sinking feeling where
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: you literally feel like you're gonna be sick. And he
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: came back in and I was completely withdrawn. My face
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: was bright red, I was sweating, So he knew that
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: something was up. Even if I didn't want to bring
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: up with him, he would have been able to get
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: it out of me because of the way that I
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: was acting. So I just told him, I said, I
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: went on your snapchat and I've seen all of these girls,
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: including the girl that you know I was told about
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: this party, and straightway it was fine. He was so
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: angry at me for going through his phone. He was
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: so angry at me for being so insecure, for doubting
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: him for having girlfriends. I was the problem because I
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: was controlling.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: He pretty much.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Flipped it on me to say I wasn't allowing him
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: to have girls that were friends, so that I was
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: the problem in this situation, and that I've got no
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: evidence to say that these messages with these girls aren't
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: friendly because I know that he has a lot of girlfriends.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: He completely flipped the script. I started doubting myself, being like, wait,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: but what if he is telling the truth. I know
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: that he does have a lot of girls that are friends.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: What if I actually am just being really insecure now?
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: And it just makes you doubt yourself because you're like,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I actually don't have any physical proof here, so I
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: can't know for sure just because I'm seeing these girls' names,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: they could just be friends, like he's saying. So again,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I didn't have that concrete evidence that I think I
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: was after, and he was just so good with making
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: it like I was the one that had the problem.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: I was the one that was insecure. And I left
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: that conversation again apologizing I was sorry for going through
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: his phone. I was sorry for doubting him and convincing
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: him that I'm not controlling and that I'm happy with
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: him having girlfriends and I love that he has girlfriends.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: I felt guilty, I did.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: I think it is such an invasion of privacy to
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: go through someone's phone, and that was against my own
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: sort of morals to do that. So, you know, to
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: have him angry at me for doing that, that made
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: me feel very very guilty. It did also make me
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: feel guilty that I did question him again.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: That period.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: It was pretty rocky. I was very very insecure. I'm
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: very doubtful. I ended up messaging one of the girls
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: that I saw on the snapchat names. The amount of
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: hay girl messages I send, like, honestly, I couldn't count
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: on ten hands, Like I sent so many shameful messages
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: of hey girl, like I know you've been snapchatting so
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: and so, just wondering is it flirty? So I did
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: the hay girl message to one of these girls and
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: she was like, yeah, like it's a bit flirty, but
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: no nudes or anything.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: It's been exchanged.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: So that to me was my reassurance that Okay, maybe
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: he is just being friendly with these girls, because this
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: is one of the girls I picked up the list
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: and she had told me that there was no nude sending.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: It was just flirty. And you know, he's a friendly,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: charismatic guy. His friendliness can be perceived as flirty, or
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: at least you know, that's sort of how I put
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: it in my own head. He just continually, I guess,
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: reassured me in a sense, like I had his phone
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: pass code, and he always left his phone in the room,
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: which is such a green flag, which is bizarre considering
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: you know, he was snapchatting these girls, so you know,
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: leaving the phone in the room, giving me his pass codes.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: So they moved on. Claire believed him and trusted him,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: so there was no point harping on it. Their relationship
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: could go back to being the wonderful, happy and fun
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: one it had always.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Been before I was going to UNI, and he was
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: sort of doing nothing, to be honest, and I think
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: that was another big shift in his behavior because at
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: school he was so driven, he was so motivated, He
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: had all these aspirations about what he wanted to do
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: in life, and then all of a sudden, you know,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: he's finished school, He also got into smoking a lot
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: of weed once finishing school, because I think he had
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: a lot of spare time. And when I say smoking
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: a lot of weed, it was every day. It was
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: smoking to wake up, smoking to go to sleep, and
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: he just lost all drive and all motivations. So he
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: was you know, I was a very driven person, so
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: I was always like, let's go to UNI, like let's
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: figure this out what you want to do. And you know,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: we enrolled him into a class, into a course, and
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: he started that but then ended up dropping out. So
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: we were at this stage at very different lifestyles. There
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: was obviously a lot of issues from then, Like he
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: started to get very jealous and very insecure about me,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: so he started making all these wild accusations about me cheating,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: which is was just bizarre because I I pride myself
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: of being loyal and I've never done anything to make
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: him think that, and my behaviors had never changed. But
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden, he was getting upset with me
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: for talking to this person out or smiling at this
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: person or laughing at someone. Like I've never seen someone
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: so jealous and protective of.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: Me with other men.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: He accused me and my best friend's partner who is
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: one of my best friends still to this day. So
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: we were kind of like a double dates all the time.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: We started dating around the same time. We did everything together.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: On Valentine's Day, they took us four you know, couples
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: retreat sort of thing. We did everything together. He used
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: to say to me, the way you look at this person,
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: you've got a sparkle in your eye. You don't look
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: at you don't look at me the same way you
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: look at him. And I was like, I don't get
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: what you're talking about. This is my best friend's boyfriend
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: of three years, Like where is this coming from? And
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: he was like, you have a sparkle in your eye
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: when you look at him. And that's when we were
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: just like, he's lost the plot. How can you think
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: that when it's my best friend's partner and also your
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: best friend at the same time. So that's when the
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: cheating allegations are towards me. I was like, Okay, this
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: is kind of getting out of control. We were both
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: still living at home. We're probably staying together like three
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: four nights a week. I always wanted more because I
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: think in my head, deep down, I knew if he
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: was with me, he wouldn't be messaging other girls because
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: I actually caught him another time separate to the Snubtat time,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: I was on his laptop while he was doing something
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: and I went on his Facebook messenger and I saw
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: lots of messages with these random girls which were just
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: trying to get them to come over or to see him.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I confronted him about these as well, and he just
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: started hysterically crying. Was just like he didn't mean it.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: It was when he smoked weed. He couldn't help the
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: desire to want to message women, but he never would
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: action it sort of thing. So he was like, I
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: really like, I'm never going to cheat on you. I
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: just when I'm high, I can't help but message these women.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: I caught him like a couple of times with that,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: and it got to the point where he always had
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: an excuse and he never had physically cheated, so I
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: guess in my head, I was like, we can still
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: fix this. So at this point, he wanted to give
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: me his passwords to everything, so to Facebook, Messager, to Snapchat,
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: to Instagram. He wanted me to be have his passwords
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: and stay logged in so that he wouldn't have the
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: desire or he would have that holding him back from
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: messaging girls because he knew that I'd be able to
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: see them. So he was very self aware about his
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: addiction to get this validation from these girls. I was like,
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: he obviously wants to change, like if he's giving me
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: these passwords, like, this is an issue that he wants
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: to fix with me. So and the messages never led
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: to cheating because I could always see them. It was
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: always come over. Either the girl would bar him or
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: he would not end up not replying. So it was
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: this weird thing where it's almost like he wanted to
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: desire to feel wanted, or he needed validation to know
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: that if he were single, these girls would have an
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: interest in him. I really loved him, and I wanted
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: to be with him, and I wanted to fix it.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: I think a big part of that is because I
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: saw his potential in that first year. I saw how
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: good he could be and how well he could treat me.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: So I was holding onto that in the hope that
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: we could get back there because I knew that that's
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: what he was capable of. I wanted to fix him.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: He didn't really have siblings. He had bad relationship with
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: his parents. So I really was that person for him,
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: and I felt like I could help him get back
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: on track. I could get him, you know, stop smoking
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: off the drugs, you know, get back into UNI. I
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: really felt like I could be that person for him.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: I loved him and I loved his potential. I knew
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: what he could be, so I really really held onto that.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: I think it's probably so hard for people to empathize
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: with someone who hasn't been in a situation like that,
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: because you can't quite get a grasp and like, why
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: you wouldn't walk away because it seems so easy just
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: walk away. But it's just like when someone has this
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: this grasp on you and you know they've built this
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: sort of toxic bond with you. They're so reliant on you,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: and I became reliant on him and wanting to help him.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: It was rocky, but Claire was adamant they'd be okay,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: and things were until one night, something weird happened out
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: of nowhere. Claire just had this horrible, sinking feeling while
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: lying in bed next to him.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: We had spent Sunday night together. Honestly, nothing in his
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: behaviors would have indicated that something had happened. But yeah,
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: we went to bed that night and.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: I just woke up. I struggled to get to sleep
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: for quite some time.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: I just just gut feeling and then I woke up
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: in the middle of the night just with this sick
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: feeling and being like something is wrong, something has happened.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: And they say that gut feelings are Guardian angels, and
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: they literally are. I woke him up in the middle
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: of the night was like, you've cheated on me. He
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: was just like straight out the whip, like deny, deny, deny,
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: and you're crazy, Like why do you think that? And
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: I was just like I just know. Unfortunately, a gut
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: feeling isn't evidence. Again, I had that lack of evidence
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: to really.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Put in front of him. So it ended up in.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: A big blow up again, and then we ended up
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: going to sleep on separate sides of the bed. I
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: was in bed crying, and then I had my genius
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: idea where I was going to pull out the reverse
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: psychology on him. He was dropping me home the next
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: day and I said to him, I have found out
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: some information about you, and I need you to tell
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: me the truth. And if you tell me the truth.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Now we can work through this, and we can work
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: through this together. But if you light on my face,
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: I will walk away right now. And he just looked
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: at me and went completely white and just started hysterically
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: crying and saying I'm sorry. I had him in my arms.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: I was like patting him on the back and like
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: it's okay, it's okay. He was so hysterical about the
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: fact that I'd found out, like I need you to
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: tell me exactly what happened. So yeah, this point, he
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: didn't know what I knew, which was nothing.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: Obviously.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: He was like, I'll just tell her the truth because
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: he thought that I had all the information. It was
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: a couple weekends prior. His best friend's older sister dropped
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: him home after a party. Apparently he was very drunk,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: and she took him inside and then they had sex.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: I honestly would have thought I would have been so devastated,
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: but I've never felt so much relief to know that
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I wasn't crazy. It was like a year and a half,
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: two years of being like, oh my god, I'm not
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: going crazy. I finally had concrete proof and evidence that
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: I wasn't insane because all of these times I was
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: hearing things and I was having half evidence, but I
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: never had him own it. I'd never had him admit
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: to it. So to finally hear him say I cheated
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: on you was like the best relief in the world,
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Like to just know that I wasn't crazy.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: It was then Claire's instincts kicked in. See what we
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: haven't mentioned yet is that every time Patrick was confronted
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: about close concerns of his infidelity, his go to reaction
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: was anger.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: He was a very angry, angry person.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: A lot of these big arguments ended up with him
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: punching a wall, which I remember in his mom's house.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: I think he had had about six holes in the
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: back of his wall from conversations that we were having.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: It's just the way he dealt with it, was just
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: angry and would punch a fist through the wall. Because
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: I knew how he reacted to things, I always wanted
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: to comfort him. So honestly, he was in my arms crying,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: and I was sitting there hugging him and patting him
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: on the back, saying it's okay, and he's just screaming,
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: hysterically crying, saying I can't lose you, like, you know,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: if I lose you, I've got no one else. You
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: can't walk away from me. You're my only person, Like, please,
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: please don't leave me. So it's a lot for someone
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: to take him. Firstly, to have someone you love regardless
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: of what he'd just done, Like he was desperately crying
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: for help for me, and I was his lifeline, Like
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: he didn't really have anyone else. So to have him
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: crying and begging for my help regardless of the betrayal
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: he'd just done, A part of me was sad for him.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: And I wanted to help him.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to I didn't want to leave him
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: to suffer on his own, which is so strange to
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: think considering I just found out that I had been
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: cheated on. But yeah, I just ended up. It was
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: like half an hour in the car of me comforting
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: him until he finally got himself together, and I just said, look,
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I need to go home and I need to think,
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: and i'll contact you tomorrow. Just give me some time.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: So I ended up driving home straight away, got on
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: the phone with the girlfriends and did the big debrief
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: and yeah, from there, I kind of just took a
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: while to process it.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Of course, I did the typical.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Hey girl message to the girl because I actually knew
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: her quite well, which was another bit of a stab
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: in the back, But I think I was pretty used
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: to taking hits at this point, so yeah, I sent
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: her a message and was like, hey, you know, Patrick
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: is just told me what happened. I want to know
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: from your side what happened. Out of all the Hay
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: girl messages, she's the only one to ever deny to me,
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: which is so strange because I think it was a
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: very sticky situation for her because her younger brother was
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: his best friend, their families had been very united for
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: very many years. She also knew we'd been together for
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: two or half years since then, so I think she had.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: Not more to lose.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: But she was more embarrassed that that happened. She didn't
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: want her younger brother to find out, she didn't want
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: everyone to find out. So yeah, she denied to the
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: cows came home. I hate to say it, because I
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: never want to blame the girl, but yeah, part of
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: me was angry at her because she was denying, and
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: I wanted to validate his story against hers. You know,
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: he was saying that she took advantage of him, and
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: I wanted to know whether that was the truth, and
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: I couldn't get that from her. So that was again
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: this missing piece of the puzzle which I just couldn't get.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: So it was more frustrating because yeah, every Hay Girl
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: message I got, I always got a great response from
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: the girls, you know, all the girls girls go but
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: they Yeah, she just didn't want to give me any answers,
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: which was such a shame because I feel like that
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: would have really helped me in that time to kind
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: of understand the situation. But yeah, I just I was
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: angry and frustrated at the start, and then you know,
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: you went, I went through my sad phase of being like,
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: how have we gotten to this? And then you know,
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: starting to question everything from the past, all the red
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: flags that I had seen that I had ignored. Now
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: because I'd finally got I finally had him admit to
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: me that it had happened. So yeah, it made me
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: start to question and reflect on everything that had happened
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: over the past couple of years. When I got home
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: from finding that out, I obviously spoke to all the
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: girls and we had the conversation about you know, I
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: need to get out of this relationship, and I knew
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: I needed to get out of it because I'd just
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: been cheated on. And what advice would I give my
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: friend in this situation, and that would be to walk away.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: And I always would think about that, about what advice
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I would give to my friend if she was in
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: this situation, and it would be to get the hell
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: out of there. So I knew deep down that it
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: was time to leave. And after taking a few days
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: of sort of processing and thinking, I was ready to
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: tell him that I was going to walk away. So
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: it took a while because obviously you're fighting these two
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: things of it's one time, it's a mistake and you
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: know she took advantage of him, and he's so sorry
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: and he really wants to fix this, and then the
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: other side of wants a cheaterh always a cheater and
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: the trust is completely broken. So it was a very
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: hard decision to make. But yeah, I ended up meeting
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: up with him and went in there to break up
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: with him. Unfortunately walked out back with him, which always
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: seemed to be the thing. I think I went in
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: there at least six times to break up with him
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: after finding out different things, whether it was a message
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: or a snapchat, Like there's so many different things in
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: between the big stories which I would catch him and
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: I'd go in to break up with him, but it
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: would always be the exact same thing, where he would
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: be hysterically crying. He would tell tell me he can't
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: live without me, like if I walk away, he don't know,
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: he doesn't know what will happen to him. It was
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: always me comforting him rather than, you know, putting myself first.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: And I think a lot of that came from the
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: pressure of feeling like what if I did walk away
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: and he did do something to himself, Like I honestly
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: felt like a lot of his life was in my hands,
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: which is a lot for someone who is so young
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: but also so in love with this person.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: So she did stay with him even after he admitted
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: he cheated, and Claire was so sure he had before
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: she stayed. As the great poet Taylor Swift says, I
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: can fix him, No, really, I can.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I think deep down I always knew that I needed
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: to leave, but I genuinely just loved him so much,
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: like I wanted to help him and I wanted to
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: fix him, and I knew what he was capable of
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: again that first year, I think seeing how great he was,
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: and I knew I could get him back there if
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I just got him off smoking weed, got him back
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: on track, Like we could get back there. I withdrew
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: from my friends because I knew what they would have
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: to say. I am so blessed that I had the
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: most supportive friends. One of them, the same one that
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: sort of was involved the whole way, used to drop
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: me to his house every time to break up with him,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: and then would wait out the front for me to
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: take me home and I would textss A, you can go.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: A lot of them had to deal with it, and
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I honestly don't know how they managed to say friends
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: with me during the whole time, because it's so hard
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: to watch their friend go through something like that.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: And when I.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: Really thought I was going to leave this relationship and
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: I told them like this is it, like halolu, let's go,
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: and then the sort of I guess they're being able
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: to be like, oh god, I'm actually going to have
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: to tell them again that I'm going back to him,
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: and like what's that going.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: To mean for our friendships?
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Because it's so hard for them to have to watch
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: me go through this again, and like have to be
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: so involved in such a toxic relationship because I always
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: came to them for support and always came to them.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: So yeah, a lot of the thought of just guilt
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: as well for what I was going to have to
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: admit to them, like, yeah, I'm going to give it
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: another crack. When I knew deep down that it wasn't
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: the right thing to do, I felt like I had
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: a purpose to help him, and if I left, who
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: would So yeah, part of me felt just trapped, and
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: it was just embarrassing, to be honest, Like I was
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: embarrassed because it wasn't just my friends that knew about this,
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: but people were finding out about what was happening in
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: our circle, and people were knowing I was the girl
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: that was getting back with the guy that was cheating
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: on her, and it was embarrassing.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: But dear listener, you've heard this podcast before, you know
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: this story isn't going to end there.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: So this is the best part.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: So at this point, you know, we're probably two and
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: eight half years in, but a year and half into
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: the toxicity, I had all these passwords. Still there'd been
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: lots of allegations and things, but the only concrete cheating
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: I had known at this point.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: I had been.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Out for dinner with a girlfriend and I'd gone back
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: to his house. He was playing Xbox in his room
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: and I was watching a movie on his laptop, so
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: I went on too. I had a little bit of
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: a wandering hand that somehow stumbled into his I message
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: on his laptop, and I saw some messages with an
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: unknown number. I don't think at this point he knew
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: that when you delete off your iPhone, it immediately deletes
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: off your laptop, like it has to like connect or something,
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: so he must have thought he was in the clear.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: And I went onto these messages and immediately was like
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: a hit in the stomach.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: Here we go again. The last messages I could.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Just see were like just vile, and I just scrolled
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: up and I just saw like messages on messages on messages.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: It was an unknown number. I couldn't see who it was. Honestly,
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I wasn't reading it at that time. I've just wanted
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: to get to the top, get my evidence, and get
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: the hell out of there. So I saw some photos
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: exchange where I could see it was a girl with
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: pink hair, and they were sending nudes to each other,
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: but I didn't know who it was, so I pretty
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: much just scrolled to the top of the messages, whipped
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: out my iPhone and started recording and just started scrolling
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: through the messages because I didn't have time to read
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: them and I just wanted to get out of there,
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: So I recorded all these messages that he had been
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: exchanging with this woman, and then once I had gotten them,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: I left open on his laptop and I legged it
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: out the door faster than I honestly think I've ever
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: run in my life, and then just left them open
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: on his laptop and got my car and just faged
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: it down the road down to a park where I
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: could actually stop the car and read the messages. The
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: first message he had sent to her was pretty much
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: thanking her for a wonderful night. He said, you know,
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: she'd given him the best massage with the nicest coconut oil,
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: pretty much a full paragraph and saying he still, you know,
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: ponders on that night. Like it was like a poem,
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: like I've never seen someone so poetic, and he like
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: signed it off with his first letter of his name
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: and a heart. And then this woman came back and
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: was just pretty much gave him poems back saying, you know,
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I had such a wonderful night with you, and I
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: would love to see you again. So at the start,
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, so we've obviously got some sort
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: of relationship going on here. And it wasn't until I
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: kept going through the messages that I realized that she
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: was a sex worker. She wasn't asking for him to
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: come back for money, so she was actually saying she
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: would love to see him again, and she doesn't expect
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: any payment, like she would just love to see him again.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: So yeah, they were kind of going back and forth,
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: sexing some really interesting messages about that night.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: It was just a whole lot.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: And then she started, you know, saying, I'm getting some
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: new photos and videos for my website. Do you want
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: to see them before I post them? And he's like,
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: go for it. And then they're kind of like talking
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: about these photos and then she's like, I would love
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: to see you tonight and he's like I can't.
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: I'm babysitting my little sisters aka my girlfriend's coming over.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: So yeah, they were just like it was just the
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: most intense messages I'd ever read, So it was all
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: in that one night. They were exchanging messages that night
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: for about like an hour, an hour or two before
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: I had gotten there, and he pretty much like wrapped
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: up the conversation saying, I gotta go, and my sister's
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: going to be here soon. But yeah, they were going
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: through good two hours whilst I was out at dinner.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I was disgusted because I firstly didn't know what night
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: that it had been, Like, not only is he cheating,
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: but he's putting me in.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: A situation now where he's sleeping with other people and
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: coming home to me, looking me in the eyes, and
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: then sleeping with me. I don't know whether he'd been
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: using protection with her. I was angry.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: I found it so selfish that he would put me
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: in that situation. Like there was so many emotions that
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I didn't even know how.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: To process it.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: I was just like the first time was relief, and
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: this time was just I was so overwhelmed and I
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: was so embarrassed that I was gonna have to own
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: this to everyone and be like, Yep, it happened again,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: and this time with a sex worker named doctor Pussy.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: I got her phone number from the messages and entered
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: it into Google and I found her page. She was
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: over forty years old, so she was really really you know,
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: we were you know, early twenties then, so she was
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: a lot older. And to know that, you know, she
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: would have known his age, and she was wanting him
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: to come back for free and like to really make
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: something of that. And I just felt so gross because
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: it just made me question. I had no idea what
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: night this was. We were spending a lot of time together,
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: so honestly it would have been a night that he
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: would have come home to me. So yeah, it was
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: just like trying to put the pieces together. Patrick was
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: a good looking guy, Like he was gorgeous.
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: So he could get anyone.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: He would be able to go out on a night
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: out and get any girl he wanted, like genuinely he
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: was told he was gorgeous, but he had this weird
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: thing where he just needed validation or something like that,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: where yeah, it wasn't about the cheating, it was almost
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: just about getting as much attentional anything like that. So
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: I think it let me confuse because I also went
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: then looking on that sex worker page and saw all
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: these beautiful women, you know, of his age, and was
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: just so confused by his choice, which is so pole
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: opposite to me, and just you know, you start questioning
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: all these questions like what does she have? You know,
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: what is it? We had an active sex life, as
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: you can imagine for a man that was pretty much
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: a sex addict. Yeah, he had this desire for other
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: women for some reason, whatever that was. So I ended
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: up messaging Octopussy myself, just out of anger, out of frustration,
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: and I pretty much messaged her and just said, hey,
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: I just want to let you know Patrick is in
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: a you know, three and a half year relationship. I
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: hope you're happy with what you've done, which is so
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: horrible and I can put my hat up and say
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: that it's just ridiculous. And she came back to me
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: and she said, look, sometimes men need to do things
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: to women that they can't do to the women that
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: they love. And I just went back to her and said, darling,
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: you are not the first one. And then she came
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: back to me and pretty much was like I didn't realize,
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: you know, he'd cheat on you lots of times, like
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: you should leave him, walk away. And I was now
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden getting this relationship advice from Octopusy
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: and like it was bizarre, but she was like on
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: my side saying, you know, you don't deserve that. You
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: don't deserve a man to continually cheat on you.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: Like I didn't.
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: Realize that that was going on. I was sitting there
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: being like, what is my life? Like, I'm now messaging
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: a forty year old sex worker about my cheating boyfriend.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: And it only got more bizarre from there.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: We exchanged a couple of texts and then I think
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: she ended up messaging him saying, you know, your girlfriend's
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: messaging me, and then he's messaging her saying, can you
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: help me sort it out with her? So this poor
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: poor sex worker was stuck in between our relationship pretty
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: much mediating. She had him begging for help to help,
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: you know, reconcile our relationship and give me advice that
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: would help us get back together, whereas she had me
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: kind of being like a bit sassy but also like
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: this is the situation. So yeah, I never thought that
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: this poor woman would be stuck in between. She had
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: definitely got more than what she barkained.
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: For with that one.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: But I ended up obviously after a couple of exchanges
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: and texts and realizing what am I doing ended up
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: cutting the messages off. It was call and text and
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: text and CaAl and like I was just like, it
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: was weeks of just leave me alone, like it's done,
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: and I was done. I was like, you have betrayed
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: me for the second time. The fact that you could
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: go out and do that and then come home and
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: look me in the eyes and tell me you love me.
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: Like I was furious.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: I was just like, I'm so done with you. And
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: this honestly should have been the final straw. And I
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: don't know what witchcraft he put on me to somehow
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: reel me back in for the last time, but it
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: was just weeks of persistence and begging and telling me
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: that if I walk away, his life isn't worth living,
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: and putting that pressure back on me. He was willing
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: to work, like he was willing to make the changes
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: that he needed, which was he was going to stop smoking.
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: He was reaching out to my friends and you know,
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: spinning all these webs with them and you know, telling
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: them everything they wanted to hear. Like he is so
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: good with his words that you'd leave the conversation and
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: be like, maybe it is worth giving him another chance.
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: Maybe he is going to change.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: He genuinely was so distressed and distraught, and in the
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: time that we were broken up, he was making the changes.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: He'd stopped smoking weed. He came back so persistent and
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: so willing to change, and he just wasn't going to
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: give up until I got back with him. I think
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: I knew deep down I was going to walk away,
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: and I knew it was going to happen again, but
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: I was hoping by that next time I would have
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: the courage in me to say this is it. To
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: be honest, we weren't back together boyfriend and girlfriend. We
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: were working things out. He was proving to me that,
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: you know, he could be who he was in the
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: first year. One morning, I was working in my cafe
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: job and I went on to his snapchat while I
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: was working, and I saw, like I could see in
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: his recence there was this girl's name, but then when
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: I swipe across to his feed, the girl's name wasn't there.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: So straight away that's an alarm bells, being like he's
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: deleted the chat. So I immediately just didn't even bother messaging him.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: I went straight to the girl and just said, hey, no,
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: you're snapchatting Patrick. You know this is my boyfriend. Can
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: you let me know what's happening. This girl was amazing.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: She gave me all the tea, everything I needed to hear,
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: and it was like a light bulb moment. I cannot
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: explain it. My feelings just switched. It was like I
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: needed that to just walk away. I felt nothing for him.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: I was just like, Okay, thank you. She had validated
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: that they'd been snapchatting, that they had been sending nudes
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: and sexting. She had sent me a screenshot off this
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: message that he'd sent saying that he's going to have
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: to stop talking to her to be respectful to Claire,
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: but one day they can do the things that they
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: spoke about. I flipped a switch. I remember I was
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: working alone in this cafe. I went to the bathroom,
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: created a group chat with all my girlfriends, like all
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: the ones even from different friendship groups, and said, guys,
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: I swear to God, I'm done.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: Like this is it. I couldn't explain the feeling of
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: It's like all my love for him just disappeared.
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: It was just such a weird feeling that I finally
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: was able to let go, like I was done, And
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: it didn't take him cheating on me with a sex worker.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: It didn't take him messaging girls.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: It was just finding out that he was still doing
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: it after I'd gotten back with him. I was slowly
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: checking out over the months, but I just never was
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: prepared to walk away. And I think that a lot
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: of that came from holding onto the hope and the
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: pressure of what would happen if I did leave.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: But I was finally ready to be selfish say you
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: know what I am done.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: I think I needed to get over him while I
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: was still with him, so that when I was finally done,
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: ready to pull the pin, it was easy to walk away.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: She cut all contact with him, despite his endless attempts
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: to call and text. He was trying to say sorry,
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: to again, say he'd change and work on it, but
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: Claire had had enough. After a couple of weeks, she
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: agreed to meet up with him for one last conversation,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: but she was staunch it was only for her own closure.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: I went in there.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: We met up at a car park and I jumped
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: in his car and he's sitting there hysterically crying, and
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: I was the ice princess like. I did not touch him,
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: I did not comfort him, which for him would have
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: been an absolute shock, because every other six times I've tried
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: to break up with him, he had me comforting him.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: So I think then he knew, oh my God, like
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: this is real. I let loose on him. I went
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: in there with every point I need to have. I
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: needed him to know everything i'd felt of that three
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: and a half years, everything he'd put me through. I
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: was angry, and I don't think I was ever angry.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: I was usually quite a placid, quite a reserved when
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: it came to our arguments because of how he reacted,
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, I was always
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: scared of his reaction to me. So to go in
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: there with so much anger and fuel in my belly
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: and just be like, you are a piece of shit,
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: and yeah, I absolutely tore him a new one. And
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: he sat there and apologized and said all the things
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: that he used to say to, you know, try and
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: make me consider getting back with him. And I just
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: sat there the ice princess and just said, are you done?
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: And then he said I'm done?
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: And I said, okay, well I'm going and I opened
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: the door and he just said, there's just one more thing,
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: And I was like, here we go, and he plugs
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: in his USB twas ORCS cord and started to play
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: just Want to Be with You asking musical two and
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: started singing at the top of his lungs like I
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: genuinely thought I'd been to a musical theater performance. Like
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: it was bizarre to the point where I'm like, this
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: is actually like embarrassing. The context of that is we
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: loved Tysko musicol. We used to sing it all the
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: time in the car, so there was a little bit
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: of romance to that, but it was honestly appalling, like
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: to think that, you know what, this is my one
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: way to get her back.
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: I'm going to go full Troy Bolton on her. And
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: it didn't work.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: When he knew and I didn't come in for the
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: sweet melody of just want to be with you, he knew, Yeah,
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: I was done.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: Finally, after three and a half years, Claire was free,
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: breaking free, if you will.
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: He was still messaging me.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: I think I had slept with someone a couple weeks
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: after and he had found out, and he came in swinging.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: He was so angry.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: The audacity on him to come at me and say,
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: you know you're moving on too fast.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: You know, how could you not consider me in this?
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: And I was just like, you were doing this while
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: we were together for three and a half years, like
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: the autacity for you to come at me right now
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: for doing something like I remember saying to him, like
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: I did this because I wanted to like as much
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: as you want it to be about you, It's not
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: like I wanted to go and do this. It's got
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: nothing to do with you anymore. So I shut him
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: down pretty quick. But I think he just wanted to
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: stay relevant in any way he could. I remember my
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: last message to him. I just sent him sort of
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: a big paragraph and that was just like, do not
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: take me as sending this message and me wanting any
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: formal contact. I'm telling you now you need to leave
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: me alone or I'll block your number.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: Like I was so stern. I was so done.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: I don't think I really understood the impact of this
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: relationship until getting into my next one, which wasn't until
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: six years after. So I steered clear of relationships and
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: situationships from that For a good reason.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: I had no interest in it.
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: I think I had a lot of self discovery to
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: do a lot of self estee in building to do.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: And I think I knew I very well wasn't ready
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: to get into a relationship anytime soon. My friends still
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: talk about it, We still laugh about all the stuff
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: that happened and how crazy I was for not walking
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: away and how brainwashed I was, and we always laughed
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: about it. But it wasn't until, you know, I got
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: into this new relationship and I have all these trust
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: issues from someone that gives me no reason to not
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: trust them, and he leaves the phone in his room
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: and I just cannot fight, Like all I want to
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: do is check it. So yeah, there's a lot of
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: trust issues that I have to.
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: Deal with and am still dealing with.
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I think the years after were I'd never
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: really thought about him again.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: To be honest, like I was.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: We ended in March of twenty nineteen, and then I
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: packed up and moved to Sydney in October of twenty nineteen,
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: so I never saw him.
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: It was great.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: I never saw him. I never really had to hear
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: from him. I didn't have to hear about him. Actually
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: found out he started working in a sex shop once
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: I left, which is.
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: On brand good for him him.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: He obviously would come home, go home every year for Christmas.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: The first couple of years, he would message me and
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: ask for me to catch up, and obviously that's like
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: he's absolutely dreaming. I would run into him occasionally at
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: things like I think there was one time where I
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: just avoided him, like the plague, and then the second
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: time it was at an event and he sort of
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: got me in a corner with one of my best
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: friends and told me how much he regretted it and
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: how much he loved me and wasn't going to find
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: anyone like me. And keep in mind, this is like
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: five years or four years after we'd broken up, Like
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: he's still will corner me, and he was still to
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: this day messaged me every single day every single year
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: on my birthday, a big paragraph happy.
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: Birthday, like say hew, do your mom like all that stuff?
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: I'm like, go away. So he wants me to never
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: get over him.
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: I know most people don't end up with their high
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: school boyfriends, and I think it was such an intense
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: thing to go through at such a young age, and
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: the toxicity of it was so unimaginable. And I think
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: to be under such intense situations at such a young age,
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: you don't really know how to deal with it. At
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, I can look back on
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: it and there's a lot that I can take from,
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: a lot I can learn from it. But I am
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: happy and I take everything as a learning moment. And
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: to be honest, as horrible as it was, it has
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: shaped me to who I am. I am very resilient now.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: I can take a lot of emotional hits in day
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: to day life, and as much as it sucked at
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: the time, I can thank him for that. I'm such strong,
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: such an independent, such a vocal person.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: So you know, when I'm telling people about this story.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: They're just like, I can't imagine you being that situation,
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: And people genuinely are and disbelief. And it's just because
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I wasn't that per
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: that I was like, I am who I am now
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: because of what I went through.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: But yeah, it is.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: It has very much shaped me to be a very
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: strong and assertive person. But yeah, I would never ever
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: put up with that again. And I have such high
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: standards for a relationship now I can safely say I
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: will never watch High School Musical two again.
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: Just walk away and don't look back.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: Everyone has an ex is a Minti Media production and
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and mea network. It's written
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.
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