Latest / Project Emerald Collective / Raising Children Who Know Who They Are | Niloufar Pepperell on Values, Agency & Intentional Living
Transcript
- Eve: Yep. Niloufar: So if we are rushing in and doing everything for them or micromanaging or correcting, overly correcting, we I think that agency shuts down. It gets killed a little bit. Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: So if we are able to empower children to make certain d age appropriate decisions it naturally encourages that sense of agency. whether that be that be independent skills like just the day-to-day functioning, that's always important. You know, don't not forgetting your library bag for s for school or, you know, being organized and getting ready in time and things like that. That's all important. But also Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: agency when it comes to, you know, seeing a problem in your community and going, there's rubbish on the ground, why is that? consulting, doing something about it, or agency when you know, eventually when they get older and see injustice in the world. and go, I I'm a part of this world and I'm responsible to speak up and say something or to do something. Eve: Welcome to the Project Emerald Collective. I'm your host, Eve McIntyre. Every week I sit down with women who have chosen to live differently. Designers, founders, creatives, psychologists, adventurers and change makers. People asking bigger questions about how we live, work, create and connect. These conversations aren't really about fashion. They're about living with intention. finding the courage to be yourself and discovering what becomes possible when you stop living by expectation and start living by choice. If that's the kind of life you're creating too, you're in the right place. Now let's go. Welcome everyone. Today I have the pleasure of interviewing Niloufar Pepperall we're going to be diving into the theme around how do we raise children who know themselves, trust their inner compass, and understand that they have the power to contribute something meaningful to the world, which is such an important topic and I'm so excited to jump into this with you, Niloufar. Welcome. Niloufar: Thank you. I'm very excited, been looking forward to it greatly. Eve: I'd love to understand a little bit more about you. chat to us around the different hats that you wear in life at the moment. Niloufar: Yes, the different hats. There are many. Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: So firstly I am a daughter of an immigrant and a refugee from Iran. I'm a wife, I'm a mother of two children, I'm a pharmacist, I'm a volunteer teacher of the spiritual education classes, and I also coordinate the program. for the Baha'i programme of spiritual education here in southern Tasmania. Eve: how do all those different parts of your life come together at the moment? Niloufar: At the moment. that's a really good question. And I guess it's taken a while in my life to kind of see how, the different parts of you can exist in a coherent way in in life. I think becoming a parent really helps to bring a lot of things together because you are thinking so much about the future of your children and how your children will grow and develop. a lot of my, upbringing as a Baha'i, I can explain a little bit about what that is for people who don't know. Eve: Yeah, please do. Niloufar: Yeah, so growing so the Baha'i Faith is an independent world religion. It was founded in the 1800s by a person called Baha'u'llah And it is really widespread around the world now. And fundamentally it believes that there is one divine source of all religions, all truth, and different religions are the teachings are to guide humanity through its different stages of development. and they, really build on each other. So the Baha'i Faith, the main Aim is to bring about the unity of the world. And so that is a huge part of my purpose and what kind of brings that coherence to the different aspects of my life is fundamentally if our purpose is to try to bring unity and to bring about the betterment of the world, then that influences how you parent, that influences how you interact in your community. That influences how you present at work and how you contribute to society through a more professional way. And so I guess that's the common thread that goes through Eve: Mm. Niloufar: all the different aspects of life that that you try to be of service to humanity, and in that process you grow yourself. Eve: Yeah, beautiful. how does your own upbringing shaped your faith and the woman that you are today? Niloufar: I grew up in Melbourne, my parents migrated from Iran, which is the birthplace of where the Baha'i Faith started. growing up, we we received a lot of education around, you're part of one human family. you are a flower in a diverse garden of of flowers where, The differences in people make is what makes the world a beautiful place. So it just became very ingrained part of my upbringing, of my education. and it wasn't just in words, it was also in actions. So, community service and being involved in learning about how to bring about stronger communities and and what we do in communities was a big part of my upbringing and my youth as well, a huge part of My teenage years in my tw twenties as well. Eve: It's great that that that you've been able to draw out those parts of you that have been a common thread through your life and then incorporate them into your faith and how you show up in the world and the type of mother that you are. Niloufar: Hmm. Eve: So what has shaped your understanding of spirituality, community and service? Niloufar: Hmm. that's a big question. So I'll Eve: Mm. Niloufar: start with understanding of spirituality. we are both a material and a spiritual being. So there's there's a part of us that is is spiritual, So if you think of education you can have different types. you can learn about the physical body, about how to keep it healthy, about nutrition, how the body functions and how, you know, how disease might manifest and how you treat disease. And then you have education that relates to the world and understanding how the world is. So you've got the sciences and you understand how ecosystems operate, the universe, physics, then there's arts, and then there are also how we society functions. So that's a form of education. And then there's spiritual education and I think that's fundamentally about how we see ourselves and how we understand who we are and how or what our relationships are between different people and the world and also if you believe in a higher power whether you call it God whether you call it creator whatever it is that you know that relationship that we have with that higher power as well. So spirituality is really about recognizing that we are noble beings, that we innately possess Spiritual qualities, which are truthfulness, generosity, justice, love and kindness, and how these are also expressed in our habits of conduct, so what we do every day. So how Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: we build harmony between people, how we develop friendships, how we might respect each other. so spirituality. can be an individual thing but it's also a collective thing. It's how we support and really serve each other. And so community building is really the arena where that is practiced. it's the people that you see, whether that's people that you live immediately next to, or it's the school community, or it's the work community, the people that you interact with. This is where you get to practice these these qualities of being, to be kind, to be courteous, to stand up when you see injustice, to show courage. So community life is really s I think it's such a big part of spirituality, because we don't develop in isolation from the people around us. We're influenced Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: by other people, we're influenced by society. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: But it also goes the other way in which we influence others. And so we in order to develop we also need to take our community with us. Eve: Yeah, that's true. touching on service, what has shaped your understanding of service? Niloufar: I think really again my faith. So In yeah, the Baha'i community around the world has really, over the last few decades gone through a process of developing or learning about community building. as as like object of learning. And Education has shown to be a big part of that because Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: we have the capacity but we also need to develop that capacity and we need systematic systems to try and bring out the the capacity to serve our community. A lot of people want to serve, they want Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: to help others, but maybe they don't know where to start or Eve: Mm. Niloufar: they feel like they're the only ones or they feel embarrassed to bring it up like so what shaped my understanding of service as being a part of this kind of worldwide learning process where we're learning about how do you actually release the powers of youth and young people because they have so much ability and energy but how do you direct that towards serving their community whether that's by guiding children younger than them or by identifying what the problems are, by being able to be more conscious of what negative influences there are in the community and kind of how to counteract that. So it's it's been through experience, not just my own personal experience, but hearing from others that are also on this journey. Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: So yeah, it's a it's very active, it's There's a lot of learning, there's a lot of capacity building and it's based in also an educational process where to be of to be more effective in service you also want to learn about again fundamental things about who we are as people and how we relate to people and all these things, you know, come into fruition in in the arena of service in your community. Eve: Yeah, that's beautiful. Especially touching on the youth and how they can be of service and role models really for younger children than them. Niloufar: Yeah. Absolutely. Eve: So if you were to reflect on the three pivotal moments that have shaped the woman that you are today, what would they be? Another big Niloufar: I think I've touched on my upbringing as a Baha'i, so that's been really big. I think also related to that is maybe travelling and seeing a bit of the world. So when I was nineteen I went and did a couple of months of service in New Delhi, India at at the House of Worship there, the Lotus Temple it's called. And there I got to serve alongside a diverse number of people from all around the world, all around India, which is very diverse in itself, and Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: then all around the world, and kind of for the first time see how different people are and how beautiful that is. So I really Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: got to experience that diversity and that love and that unity in that space. another pivotal moment that shaped me now is moving to Tasmania. So that happened twelve years ago now. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: And I just fell in love with the the beauty of this place, this you know, the serenity and the calm. it was a time when I just got married soon after moving down here. So it was a new phase of life where I could really put my roots down and see that this is where I was gonna be for for the foreseeable future and really be able to invest in in my community. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: and of course, becoming a mother. for many people that you know it it really does change you. and there's a lot of science now to back up how your brain completely rewires when you know you become a mother. and you know in in how you see the world and how you relate to others. So yeah that's really Yeah, I guess helped to shape the person I am today. when you think you've given something up, if you remember that you gain something even greater. sacrifice is that is you're giving something up for something even greater. Eve: Mm. Niloufar: but that's a process and you have to go through that and learn what that means, yeah. Eve: Yeah, it's one thing to hear it, but it's totally different to actually understand it and respect it and embody it. Niloufar: Yeah, that's right. Eve: Yeah. so what have your children taught you about yourself? Niloufar: Wow. that I could be a lot more patient. Eve: Can't we all? Niloufar: And I think they are a great means for personal development. So when you when you've got a child, it really is a test of, all these spiritual qualities that I was talking about, so that patience and that truthfulness and that generosity, and justice, Like when you raise children you have to think about how to run a household where there is justice and that sometimes mean that you have to say no. because it's not fair for you, right? You're not always Eve: Mm-hmm. Mm. Niloufar: just having to give, give, give. it's been a great personal development journey, in how to actually Strive each day to be a good parent, to be a good person, and to the other question is like how do you instill in your children those values that you hold dear? So for example, for me, I want my children to grow up to see themselves as being a part of a human family where they are responsible for the well being of others. where they will dedicate their time and energy to that. and how do you do that? How do you whilst, you know, you look around the world and there is just so many negative forces that are aggressively competing for their attention I learnt so much and I still have so much to learn and I'm by no means perfect at all but I think that's it really isn't it? You just have to wake up every morning and just do your best. Eve: Yeah, absolutely. it's a constant journey, constant learning opportunity for growth, having kids. so when people hear the word spiritual education, they may immediately think that it's religious, but what does it mean to you? Niloufar: Hmm. Yeah, that's a great question. I'll share with you one of the quotes about education in and it's Eve: Mm. Niloufar: in the training of of becoming a a teacher. And it's regard man as a mind rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can alone cause it to reveal its treasures. Eve: Mm. Niloufar: So we are we all inherently have within us, the ability to be kind, the ability to be truthful, the ability to show justice, the ability to respect. But if you think of like a like a mine, sometimes these gems are hidden. So you've got diamonds in there, but then it's not obvious. And so through a process of education, you can try to uncover those gems. And it might require a bit of excavation, it, you know, might require a bit of polishing to kind of to to get that gem. And that's the nurturing, that's the practice, that's the the regular upkeep of of education. So I see spiritual education as the development of a person's, qualities to contribute to the betterment of their world. And that means as an individual you are you know learning to be truthful and all that. but also translating that to how how you show up in your community, how you contribute to it. through the Baha'i community we offer these, a curriculum, spiritual education curriculum that starts from, the very young to the youth to the adults. And the aim of it really is to nurture these spiritual qualities and also the application of it in our lives. the lessons themselves might look like like the memorisations of quotes and prayers around a theme. It will include stories, art, drama, and they're they're usually run regularly in in neighborhoods by a trained teacher who isn't necessarily a Baha'i. And the important thing to remember is that the purpose of these this curriculum is to raise that capacity to serve. It is not to to teach the Baha'i Faith or to convert people to the Baha'i Faith and that's really important because it's really meant to be inclusive of as many people as possible, different Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: backgrounds, different religions or or you know, people of no religion. so yeah, absolutely. And anyone can can really become trained and and run these classes as well in their in their neighbourhoods. Eve: Yeah. It's great to see more spirituality being educated to our children in various different ways. So is the program only for Baha'i families? Niloufar: No, absolutely not. In fact the so the little class that I've run and I've been running for years, my family's the Yoni Baha'i family and everyone else is coming along because they see the value of the classes. also something else that I'm doing in my neighbourhood and and is every three months running a community children's day. Eve: Okay. Niloufar: Other people in other areas might call it a children's festival where they offer maybe like a an aspect of of the Baha'i curriculum to the whole neighbourhood, so all the families in the neighbourhood. So I've Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: run a few in my neighbourhood now in every school holidays. the first one was on the theme of love. So, you know, we'll do like a workshop or in a song, an activity. where the children of all ages kind of like talk about love and how we practice love in our neighbourhood. there was another one on generosity and then more recently we did justice. and so this this is really it was open to our whole neighbourhood. And the last one we had twenty two children attend, which was just wonderful. Eve: Mm. Niloufar: and there's, a great anticipation for, the next children's day. so yeah, it's absolutely open to everyone and anyone to be a part of. Eve: Certainly sounds a lot more fun than going to church in a actual church like I did. practicing my faith or, what was being taught to me as a child. it's great to see that it's becoming more human. Yeah. Yeah. Niloufar: Well we try. I try to make it fun. You'll have to ask my daughter what she thinks. Eve: I've actually been to one of your sessions with my children and you bring that fun, relatable element. it's a lot more casual. So and I think that's how children learn best, Niloufar: Yeah, and through different mediums as well. you might have the quotation, tread ye the path of justice, for this verily is the straight path. you know, there's there's a certain amount you'll understand from that, but when you play a game that demonstrates justice and then you hear a story and then you might have a an art activity, it you know, it's reinforcing that that theme. Eve: it's so much more fun for kids to be involved in that aspect. for children today are surrounded by messages about what they should want, own, look like and become. And how do we help Niloufar: Hmm. Eve: children hear their own voice amongst all that noise? Niloufar: Again that's a huge question and I think I was a lot more you could say anxious about this when I first had my children, so when they were very young, Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: because I thought how am I going to protect them? How Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: am I going to influence them without driving them away? How am I going to lead them down this, beautiful path, and I think it is very multifaceted. I don't think there's one one answer of of how you can do that. And It I think it first starts in the home and how how your family, how the parents relate to the children, how they model behaviour, how they respect Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: the child as well. 'cause the child is on their own individual journey as well from the start and you are really their their guide and it that becomes less so as they get older. Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: So what you know, what you can do when they're young is really important. I think the obviously schooling is really important and how you can complement that schooling with commun you know spiritual education or or service in the community I think is also important because schools have so much they've got to cover. In their curriculum, and a lot of it is academic in nature or you know school-based. But there isn't a huge conversation around spirituality or values or whatever words they they use. So what you can what you do in the community with the children is really important. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: And then one thing I haven't spoken a lot about is when they reach the age of twelve and before I had children I was a lot more involved in the junior youth spiritual empowerment program. So that is a very specific program that is tailored to the needs of young adolescents, junior youth. Because they're coming out of childhood and they're not quite reached adulthood. And so there's this and it's a time where they're really figuring out who they are, where they belong. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: what they believe in, but also how to stay true to that. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: and I I think it's really that age where it it is cemented. it's when they really find out, you know, am I going to be influenced by this or am I going to weigh this against what I value and make a Eve: Mm. Niloufar: conscious decision that no I'm not going to do that because it's not a it's not aligned with what I want to do with my time. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: and so the the programme really helps to guide, in a group with a with a older youth, to guide and go through various topics of discussion around hope and service and identity and all these things in a safe space. I think it starts when they're babies or in the womb and it continues as children and it it it's really cemented in those early adolescent years. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: and then they're then they are making their own decisions, aren't they, really? And you've you Eve: Mm. Niloufar: you more of a guide on the side when they turn to you and ask questions. But Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: yeah, what you do before they're fifteen years of age is is so important. Eve: Yeah, it is. how do we teach our children to make choices r make choices that are true to them rather than simply follow along what everyone else is doing? Niloufar: Mm. Again, I think it doesn't just come back down back to the parents. again as they get older they start looking around to others, other role models, so whether that be youth or uncles, aunties, and I think that's where community really comes in. Because it if the whole community is responsible. for the upbringing of children. and there's a strong community life, then they will see what else other people are doing. They will maybe turn to a trusted person in the community to ask questions. Because they may they may not always come to to adults, to their parents. Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: So I think if you are if you consciously are guiding your children, are talking about these values in your home life, you're practing this practising it in the community life, maybe you are more consciously or you know, involved in some kind of spiritual education, however that might be. I think Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: this all adds up. And I think naturally children will No, it's up it's up to them at the end of the day, but it's more likely that they will be able to make those decisions based on values that they hold dear. Yeah. Eve: Mm, I hope so. What does agency look like in a child? Niloufar: Mm. I think children naturally have it. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: And I think sometimes it's how much space we allow them to have that agency. Eve: Mm. Yep. Niloufar: So if we are rushing in and doing everything for them or micromanaging or correcting, overly correcting, we I think that agency shuts down. It gets killed a little bit. Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: So if we are able to empower children to make certain d age appropriate decisions Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: it naturally encourages that sense of agency. whether that be that be independent skills like just the day-to-day functioning, that's always important. not forgetting your library bag for school or, being organized and getting ready in time and things like that. That's all important. But also Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: agency when it comes to, seeing a problem in your community and going, there's rubbish on the ground, why is that? consulting, doing something about it, or agency when eventually when they get older and see injustice in the world. and go, I I'm a part of this world and I'm responsible to speak up and say something or to do something. So yeah, that's what I think. Eve: knowing what you value makes it easier to resist being told what you should value? Niloufar: If if you know what you value, does it help resist being told what you should value? Okay. I th Yeah. Eve: Yeah. So we're conditioned, yeah, through society to act a certain way and, through mess various messaging, marketing messaging and s you know, Niloufar: Mm-hmm. Eve: the way society operates. But when you're faced with a decision, if you know what you value, do you think it's easier to resist take on those conditional messaging that we're taught to Niloufar: Yeah. Eve: operate under? Niloufar: yes, I think so, yeah. I think if I reflect on my own life, because I was raised in a way where I was very clear of what my values are, Eve: Mm-hmm. Yep. Niloufar: but I You know, I was a very boring teenager, I did not get swept away with any with any kind of bad influences. again, that could be my personality, but I think i it Eve: Mm. Niloufar: was because I always was very clear with with how I wanted to live my life and what I didn't want to do. I think we're still influenced though, and I think you still have to be very conscious because we are so surrounded by very commercial world. where people are competing for our money to be spent. Eve: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Niloufar: And I think you can you you can kind of unconsciously purchase things and certain or or spend money in certain areas of your life if you're not if you're not kind of bring it bringing it back to your values. And that's Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: you might have values, but you you may not be applying them to all your decisions that you're making. So Having them is number one though. If you don't if you don't if you're not conscious of your values, if you go, you know, what do I value highly and you can't you can't name it, I think start there. Like what what do you value highly? Like what would you, what's your purpose in life, what would you like to achieve? And then start to a recall them when you have to make a major decision, whether that's at work or how you spend your time even. Like I've recently had to think about why am I spending so much time scrolling through videos that are not even relevant to me and how is this contributing to my what I'm doing in life? and have had to make a change. So yes, having values is really important and then being able to call them to mind and use them is is also very, very important too. Eve: Yeah, absolutely. We we live in a culture that's constantly encouraging us to want more. how do we raise children who understand the difference between wanting something and valuing something? Niloufar: I think naturally younger children are they're a little bit more want driven, you know, they they want what they want and it it it takes time for that to develop so I think a age just growing older, you know, they're able to kind of like see things a bit clearer. I really do think think things those early teenage years are crucial. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: they're really critical in being able to Start living living the values or you know, making those dis conscious decisions of of how you will live. I mean, when they're young, it it could be simple things like how how you spend money as a family or encourage them. So in my household, our kids get an allowance and and they get to, I tell them like all your needs are going to be met by us. So, you know, food, shelter, you don't have to use your money to pay for that. So you can use this money for what you want and you get Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: a certain amount. and I have seen already them kind of value what they have more because they have to save up for it. And so Eve: Mm. Niloufar: when it comes to making a decision, they think, All right, do I spend it and buy this now or do I save it? For something else that I Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: want. Wanting things, there's nothing wrong with wanting things, Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: if we have our needs met. But I think then there's that extra layer of when you're learning about, say, that there is this oneness or this connection between all human beings. If you see that other people are going without their needs because of the unequal and injust distribution of wealth that we have in our society, Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: then Perhaps we can do something about that and we can also use our money to help to right a wrong that we might see or so so I think it it that kind of consciousness of our interconnectedness, that you Eve: Mm. Niloufar: know, the well-being of ourselves is tied to the well-being of others as well. so that's a s you know hopefully that will play into how we spend our time and our money in Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: you know throughout our life. that the accumulation of wealth is not just an end or like a the end of it. It's it's a means Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: to achieve what we value. So again, going Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: back to what we value, applied to how we spend our money, I think maybe that's where those choices will be made differently. Eve: Yeah, absolutely. And it's a tricky one. Like how do we teach our children that fulfillment doesn't necessarily come from acquiring things? Niloufar: Yeah. there's different types of happiness. So there's that kind of fleeting kind of happiness that you get from a new purchase, whatever that is. and that's fine. but as long as you understand that that's temporary, it only lasts a short period of time. Eve: Mm. Niloufar: but contentment and joy that is Ever you know, is forever, comes from spiritual things. Comes from that feeling of connection with others, comes from you know, the feeling that you get when you when you help, when you do someone selfless something selflessly for someone else. And that kind of happiness is very different. And I like to use the word joy. So joy is a spiritual quality, a quality of the soul, as opposed to happiness, the emotion that you feel, when you I don't know, eat chocolate or something. Eve: Yep. Resonates. Niloufar: Mm-hmm. Eve: Yeah, it feels like joy is a deeper sense of satisfaction and fulfilment. and it's that's a good way to explain the difference to children. Niloufar: Mm. Eve: And to ourselves. Yeah. Niloufar: Yeah. Yeah. Eve: what role does gratitude play? Niloufar: Mm, gratitude. I think gratitude h impacts our joy, doesn't it? When you can be grateful, when you recognise that there's so much to be grateful for, then that Eve: Hm. Niloufar: that feeds into that feeling of contentment, that feeling of joy. So that's right. And it's also something that you can express to other people. I'm grateful that you're a able to do this for me or I'm grateful for your efforts in teaching my child it's you know, whatever it is if we're showing our gratefulness to others as well, it Well, it's encouraging. Eve: Mm. Yeah. And I guess it just brings more awareness but also more things to be grateful for once you start that process of recognizing and showing gratitude. Niloufar: Yeah, that's right. You might see more things. Once you start focusing Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: on something, then you start to notice it more and you will notice more things to be Eve: Mm. Your awareness builds. Niloufar: Yeah. Yeah. Eve: do you think we can really ask our children to live intentionally if we're not willing to examine our own choices? Niloufar: I think it would be very hard. one of the quotations from the classes is truthfulness is the foundation of all human virtues. And being truthful isn't just not telling lies or being honest. But it is truthfulness is also being true to our values, isn't it? Eve: Yeah, absolutely. Niloufar: and it's showing up you know in the in the way that we are inside and not maybe ha wearing masks depending on where we are and and you know whether we want to impress someone or we want to appear strong or whatever it is why we wear masks. it's it's kind of just being true. I think it'd be very hard. without that realness and that truthfulness for your children to because that they will see, they will Eve: Mm. Niloufar: notice. Children are very smart. They will see when there's Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: an incongruence with what you say and what you do. and they will notice it even more as they get older. And and I think that means doesn't mean we have to be perfect because Eve: Yeah. They're always watching. Mm-hmm. Niloufar: We can be truthful and say, I struggle with this, you know, I sometimes struggle with you know, being generous with time or whatever it is that you're struggling with because just showing that you're trying and you're striving i I think is more important than trying to be perfect for your children all the time. We can admit mistakes and they can learn from that too. Eve: Yeah, there's definitely power in that for sure. so how much of parenting is actually about working on ourselves? Niloufar: Eighty twenty. Eve: Yeah. Niloufar: It's a lot. Yeah. I think it it makes us go back and think about why do I react a certain way? why does that really bother me? And a lot of it stems back from our own childhood or you know, how things were in our home with our parents. And so it helps you to understand even more about yourself. and of course, you know, your partner in parenting. they had a different upbringing at home so they might do things a different way and you go, Well wha why do you do it that way? Well in our house, we did it this way. So you yeah, you learn so much. Eve: what does living intentionally mean to you? Niloufar: I think earlier when you said about you know being conscious of your values and how you want to live your life. and then therefore living intentionally means that every day you're going back to that and you're bringing yourself to account and you're reflecting. So if we are Consciously kind of thinking, Well, how did I live today? Could I have done anything differently? and then the next day being able to make adjustments, then each day can become a little bit better than the day before. I think that's what it means to live intentionally. I think if if you're unintentional then the days string on and you look back and go, What wha what have I done? just that reflection and thinking back to what's important. if not every day then, you know maybe a period once a year when you dedicate some time to sit down and really reflect on how that year was and what you want to change for the the year ahead. Yeah. Eve: giving yourself the space to pause is really powerful. so Project Emerald is built around this idea of taking your power back. And that is means different things to different people. So r but it's essentially recognizing that we've got far more agency over our lives than we sometimes realise. So what Niloufar: Hm. Eve: does take your power back mean to you? Niloufar: Mm. Right. So the way I like to think about power and the source of power. I learnt to play the flute and obviously the way the flute works is you've you've got this hollow cylinder with the keys. and you blow through it and it makes a noise. And it it can make a very beautiful noise if you know how to play it. and if that if there's any kind of obstruction in in the flute that you won't hear the sound. So I like to think of myself as the flute and the air moving through is the power, the divine power that can flow through us. So the source of that power is not from me, but I can become an instrument for that power to flow through. And ensuring that I'm, you know, I'm an instrument that is hollow, that isn't obstructed by ego or obstructed by distraction. Hatred even, you know, these these things that can sap us of our power Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: or kind of block block off that that power that can come from from on high. So that that's what I think of when I when I think of taking my power back. It's it's being that hollow reed and being that instrument for that melody to be played. Eve: Yeah, that's beautiful. So it's really about zooming out and letting the infinite power flow through. Is that right? Niloufar: Yeah, that's right. Eve: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's really cool. what advice would you give to your younger self? Niloufar: Mm. just keep going. you're on the right path. I I've been very blessed and lucky that I've from a young age I've I've identified a path to walk in life and I've I haven't strayed far from that path. so yeah, I would just say you're on the right path, just keep going. Eve: I think that, probably from having your faith and knowing your values, that's been a massive benefit to knowing the direction that you're going. but there's so many Niloufar: Mm. Eve: women out there, myself included, that have been led astray or let themselves be led astray and, still working out their values at various different ages. So Niloufar: That can be powerful too because you then you I think you will value even more where you end up. And yeah. Eve: That's true. Yeah. Niloufar: And in the process you are you know, through your podcast you're interviewing people and you're learning so much and you're bringing that to a wider audience. Eve: Mm, absolutely. Niloufar: Yeah, yeah. Eve: And for the woman for the woman listening today, Niloufar that feels like she's been living according to everyone else's expectations, what's one small choice she could make today to begin coming back to herself? Niloufar: Yeah, feeling like they are just living according to other people's expectations. Eve: Mm. Niloufar: And what can they do today for themselves? One thing I've been thinking about is, related to what I was saying about finding that I was on social media a lot, and Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: that that wasn't aligned with, how I wanted to spend my time. and I've decided to take a bit of a break from from one of the social media platforms I think when you do that you create more space firstly to be bored, like to allow your mind to just not have to think about anything for a while. And Eve: Mm. Niloufar: I think when you're bored you will learn you will turn to something creative. So Find out how you can be creative maybe, use that creative aspect of your life. Eve: Mm-hmm. Niloufar: for me I love gardening, and just have that time. whether that's craft or playing an instrument or singing. So doing something creative I think. 'cause there's something sometimes creativity can help to get you in touch with your your soul. when the mind, the academic mind can't, creativity can help to reconnect you. just taking some time out and just doing nothing for a while if you don't have an immediate hobby or something to go to and see where that takes you. Eve: Yeah. Yeah, giving yourself that space to go within generally lead you back to your authentic self I've found. Niloufar: Yeah, that that can be scary for some people if they haven't done a lot of that before. So Eve: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Niloufar: it's okay, that's fine, be kind. Eve: Mm. Niloufar: but yeah, find out how you can get there. Eve: thanks so much for your time today. It's been great chatting. Niloufar: it's been my pleasure. Thank you so much, Eve. I've enjoyed it. Eve: Before we finish I'd love to leave you with one question. When did you last feel like most like yourself? Not the version shaped by expectations, deadlines, or everyone else's opinions, but the real you. Maybe that's something worth sitting with this week. If today's conversation has resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing the episode with someone who may need to hear it. Every share helps us reach more people and grow a community that's choosing to live with greater intention. Until next time, remember, take your power back, one conscious choice at a time. I'll see you in the next episode.