Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Elissa Boudreaux

Transcript

Elissa Boudreaux · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

0:03
Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking and with Kiki. Kicking it you ki
0:08
Speaker 1: Ki kicking the ki key for a.
0:16
Speaker 2: Little personality switching up the storyline on God were making a.
0:20
Speaker 3: Story Holks one day at the time. How much your
0:24
Speaker 3: problems to the side, joy yourself, free your mind, chicken
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Speaker 3: it we ki kee.
0:40
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, and hello, and welcome back to another episode
0:44
Speaker 2: of Kicking and Wikiki, Life, Love and all that other ship.
0:46
Speaker 2: I am your host, Kiki Chanel, Award winning author, lifestyle blogger,
0:51
Speaker 2: owner of nineteen lifestyle magazine, and certified life coach. We
0:55
Speaker 2: are celebrating domestic violence awareness today this month, the whole
1:01
Speaker 2: month of October, because the stories need to be told.
1:06
Speaker 2: We need to make sure that we if we see something,
1:09
Speaker 2: we say something. And I have a very special guest
1:12
Speaker 2: with me today. I like to give my guests the
1:15
Speaker 2: opportunity to introduce herself, so I'm gonna turn it over
1:18
Speaker 2: to her and she can tell you who she is
1:20
Speaker 2: and what she does. Hey, thank you for coming to
1:23
Speaker 2: Kicking with Me today.
1:24
Speaker 4: I'm so glad to kick it with you today.
1:27
Speaker 5: It has been a pleasure and an honor to be
1:29
Speaker 5: on your show, Kicking It with Kiki. I am a
1:34
Speaker 5: or I was a twenty four year victim. I was
1:38
Speaker 5: a ten year survivor, now a seven year, almost eight
1:42
Speaker 5: year overcomer of domestic violence. I am doing well. I
1:47
Speaker 5: have two daughters. One is thirty one and one is
1:50
Speaker 5: about to be seventeen.
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Speaker 4: Do the math.
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Speaker 5: Not really a good math person, so I kind of
1:58
Speaker 5: messed up on that one fourteen years in between one
2:01
Speaker 5: going to college and one going to kindergarten on the
2:03
Speaker 5: same day. I am also an author of many books,
2:09
Speaker 5: and I've written many books, not all published yet, but
2:13
Speaker 5: I have three books that I wrote this year. In January,
2:16
Speaker 5: I am highlighted my dance My Way through Death, which
2:20
Speaker 5: was a near death experience through grief and I take
2:23
Speaker 5: you on a journey of that. In March, I wrote
2:26
Speaker 5: my child's book Without Makeup. I have a lot of
2:28
Speaker 5: freckles on my face, so I wrote on self love
2:31
Speaker 5: and self awareness, and that's something that I still continue
2:34
Speaker 5: to work with because as a child I was teased
2:37
Speaker 5: about my freckles and stuff. So I've been working with
2:41
Speaker 5: that and being able to show those and I do
2:43
Speaker 5: on a daily basis because I don't well makeup all
2:46
Speaker 5: the time anymore. And then my prize position in March,
2:50
Speaker 5: I mean May was Forbidden Love Domestic Violence out Loud,
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Speaker 5: which is a plethora of information for those who don't
2:59
Speaker 5: know anything about domestic violence and those who want to
3:01
Speaker 5: have it on their shelf to help someone else or
3:04
Speaker 5: share with someone else the information that's on the inside
3:08
Speaker 5: of them. I am also a coach life coach. I
3:11
Speaker 5: am a confidence and certified Confidence and Empowerment coach. I
3:18
Speaker 5: am also a confidence coach. I am also a wedding
3:22
Speaker 5: efficient as well as executive director of education for several
3:28
Speaker 5: different platforms, being Mine First Lotus Worldwide Consulting LLC, also
3:34
Speaker 5: with the National Serenity Housecare Group here from Batmous, Louisiana,
3:40
Speaker 5: also with Divine Pearls of Royalty which is out of Texas,
3:44
Speaker 5: and also with an alliance that myself and the President
3:49
Speaker 5: came up with is called No More Silence Southern Region Alliance,
3:54
Speaker 5: and we go around to small cities and we share
3:57
Speaker 5: about domestic violence and help them through some things because
4:00
Speaker 5: in small cities they have high rates of domestic violence
4:06
Speaker 5: because everybody knows everybody, and it can be swept under
4:09
Speaker 5: the rug or either just not done because we know
4:13
Speaker 5: that my husband or my significant other knows that person
4:18
Speaker 5: or this person.
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Speaker 4: So that is a lot about me.
4:21
Speaker 5: Have some degrees in college also three degrees, which my
4:25
Speaker 5: highest is a master's in psychology. So like I said,
4:29
Speaker 5: and I'm an interventionist for domestic violence. How could I
4:31
Speaker 5: forget that? So yeah, I have a lot of things
4:34
Speaker 5: making sure I have everything. I'm looking on my wall, educator, speaker,
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Speaker 5: host MC and forgot one more thing. I am a
4:42
Speaker 5: two time war veteran serving in Iraq in desert I'm sorry,
4:49
Speaker 5: desert storm. I worked all around the world for for
4:54
Speaker 5: Operation Enduring Freedom.
4:56
Speaker 4: I worked in Kuwait and Iraq.
5:00
Speaker 2: Absolutely that is a great resume. So thank you for sharing,
5:03
Speaker 2: sharing everything that you do. And it is an honor
5:07
Speaker 2: to have you here. We have been in the same
5:09
Speaker 2: spaces throughout the years I've hurt you speak and share
5:13
Speaker 2: your story and we had the honor of being a
5:16
Speaker 2: part of the SHEI Rose Awards a couple of weeks ago,
5:19
Speaker 2: and that was an amazing experience. You were to host
5:22
Speaker 2: a phenomenal as always. So I just want to get
5:26
Speaker 2: into the self love and self awareness for a minute,
5:29
Speaker 2: because I think that when we don't love ourselves or
5:32
Speaker 2: we're not self aware, we can kind of open ourselves
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Speaker 2: up to being loved by the people who don't mean
5:39
Speaker 2: to do anything but hurt us. So talk about the
5:42
Speaker 2: importance of having the self love and being self aware.
5:47
Speaker 5: The importance of having self love and self aware is
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Speaker 5: the fact that you will know what your body or
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Speaker 5: what your mind, or what your heart or what your
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Speaker 5: soul really wants and needs because you love yourself enough
5:59
Speaker 5: to know that something that's hurting you is not good
6:02
Speaker 5: for you, someone that is misusing you is not good
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Speaker 5: for you, and you're able to walk away because you
6:09
Speaker 5: know who you are and you are aware of the
6:12
Speaker 5: red flags that come with all of the unhealthy relationships.
6:16
Speaker 4: Even with friendships.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, and people don't really talk about that. You can
6:21
Speaker 2: be in an abusive friendship.
6:23
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I'm about on that right now.
6:27
Speaker 5: I'm starting to realize that, yes, it's not just in
6:30
Speaker 5: relationships with a partner, but also with your friendships and
6:35
Speaker 5: with your family ships.
6:37
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And it's okay, guys. If you're listening and you
6:40
Speaker 2: feel like you're being selfish for loving yourself, it is
6:43
Speaker 2: not selfish. You have to love yourself so that you
6:45
Speaker 2: can set the stage for how other people can love
6:48
Speaker 2: on you and love is not supposed to be toxic.
6:52
Speaker 4: It's not.
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Speaker 2: It is not. And I hate that ride or Die
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Speaker 2: and all this toxic, toxic love that's going on that's
6:59
Speaker 2: becoming the norm in society. What are your thoughts on
7:03
Speaker 2: that ride or Die or that toxic love that we
7:06
Speaker 2: are hearing so much about that's trying to make like
7:09
Speaker 2: it's okay, like it's cute, like it's just uh, you know.
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Speaker 5: Well, my take on it is, if I can take
7:17
Speaker 5: a piece of my life and share it with you,
7:20
Speaker 5: I was in the military, and I was married to
7:23
Speaker 5: someone who wasn't and also he was very abusive, not
7:27
Speaker 5: only to myself but to himself. Also Ride to Die
7:31
Speaker 5: I was allowing him to. Every time he fight me,
7:35
Speaker 5: he may go to jail, but he comes right back home.
7:37
Speaker 5: He go to jail, come right back home. Well, this
7:39
Speaker 5: particular time, we were staying on Scott Air Force Base
7:42
Speaker 5: in Illinois, and he abused me and they put him
7:46
Speaker 5: off the base permanently. He could not live there, and
7:49
Speaker 5: so he had to go to jail first. And once
7:52
Speaker 5: he got out of jail, he had to go to
7:53
Speaker 5: a homeless shelter and stay there. And I would bring
7:56
Speaker 5: food to him, Ride to die, bring food to him
8:00
Speaker 5: at the shelter, feeling sorry for him, until I moved
8:03
Speaker 5: off base into another apartment, to another apartment so that
8:08
Speaker 5: he could come home and have somewhere to stay and
8:11
Speaker 5: still abuse me. And I allowed that for the next
8:16
Speaker 5: seven eight years. So it is a cycle of abuse.
8:19
Speaker 5: But we must recognize the signs and when we do
8:23
Speaker 5: get out, we can't just continue to go back, although
8:27
Speaker 5: statistics say we'll go back seven times. It's not good,
8:31
Speaker 5: it's not healthy. It gets worse every time you go back.
8:35
Speaker 5: It gets worse and worse because you give that perpetrator
8:39
Speaker 5: the idea that it's okay to do it. She'll get
8:42
Speaker 5: mad or he'll get mad. They'll come right back.
8:44
Speaker 4: But you know I did it.
8:46
Speaker 5: I own up to it. I try to save my
8:49
Speaker 5: marriage every type of way. I could, even down to
8:53
Speaker 5: losing everything just to keep him. So, yeah, if you
8:58
Speaker 5: want your life, you got to take it back, and
9:00
Speaker 5: you got to love yourself enough to know that when
9:03
Speaker 5: someone is not worth it, and when someone does not
9:06
Speaker 5: serve you, you.
9:06
Speaker 4: Have to let it go.
9:08
Speaker 2: You have to let it go.
9:09
Speaker 4: You have to let it go.
9:10
Speaker 2: Now, how did you first become aware that you were
9:15
Speaker 2: in an abusive relationship.
9:20
Speaker 5: That's a good question because it started at fourteen, so
9:24
Speaker 5: literally my mind was already there. It was just a cycle,
9:29
Speaker 5: looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for
9:32
Speaker 5: daddy and all the wrong places. Because most of the
9:34
Speaker 5: guys that I dated were much older than me. At first,
9:37
Speaker 5: they were very abusive, very controlling, but very cohersive. But
9:42
Speaker 5: may I add that I have never been in a
9:45
Speaker 5: healthy relationship until I got grown. I've not been in
9:48
Speaker 5: a healthy relationship grown either. But it wasn't physical abuse.
9:52
Speaker 5: It was just a lot of mental narcissistic stuff. But
9:57
Speaker 5: I was not ever in a healthy relationship, and so
10:00
Speaker 5: from fourteen to thirty eight years old, I was in
10:03
Speaker 5: a cycle.
10:04
Speaker 4: I think I woke up when I.
10:06
Speaker 5: Almost lost my military career and I had to regroup
10:11
Speaker 5: for my daughter and coming out of my military career
10:15
Speaker 5: finding out that I'm pregnant now for my husband and
10:18
Speaker 5: I'm walking away.
10:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that because we had had in
10:26
Speaker 2: the black community, we don't really talk about the abusive relationships.
10:30
Speaker 2: It's kind of like swap under the rug. So we
10:33
Speaker 2: grow up not knowing that that's what abuse is until
10:37
Speaker 2: we get much older, and then we have to go
10:40
Speaker 2: back and say, you know what, that was abuse all along,
10:42
Speaker 2: I just didn't know what it was called because we
10:44
Speaker 2: didn't talk about it. True, Yeah, why do you feel
10:49
Speaker 2: like we don't talk about it? Is it a prideful thing?
10:53
Speaker 2: Is it a what stays in the house stays in
10:56
Speaker 2: the house type?
10:57
Speaker 4: There?
10:58
Speaker 5: I think it's a little bit of both, but a
11:00
Speaker 5: lot of what goes on in the house stays in
11:02
Speaker 5: the house. That is a cliche and something we've always heard,
11:06
Speaker 5: even into my era of it, because I can look
11:09
Speaker 5: back and you know, my ex husband would say that
11:12
Speaker 5: and all the other relationships, failed relationships that I had
11:16
Speaker 5: due to domestic violence, it was what goes on in
11:20
Speaker 5: the house stays in the house. You talk too much,
11:21
Speaker 5: you tell your family this. Yeah, but I was unsafe
11:25
Speaker 5: and I needed somebody to know. And at that time,
11:28
Speaker 5: you know, and still to this day I as I
11:31
Speaker 5: advocate and do activism and educate, there is still not
11:36
Speaker 5: one voice, one sound in domestic violence. Everybody has their
11:40
Speaker 5: way of doing it. And until we get on that
11:42
Speaker 5: same page, we're gonna continue the same cycles of domestic violence,
11:46
Speaker 5: will continue the same cycles in the law enforcement, in
11:50
Speaker 5: the court systems, and everything else, because it has to
11:54
Speaker 5: be that we're stepping in the same shoes everywhere we go. Yes,
12:00
Speaker 5: domestic violence is has these red flags.
12:03
Speaker 4: They should be da da da dah. Yeah.
12:05
Speaker 5: We have a national Coalition for domestic violence also, so
12:09
Speaker 5: we should go by kind of where they are because
12:12
Speaker 5: it is national, but a lot of people kind of
12:14
Speaker 5: teach it their own way. We have to get on
12:17
Speaker 5: the same page in order to fight this thing and
12:20
Speaker 5: fight it head on because we don't know and then
12:23
Speaker 5: when we are in the domestic violence cycle how to
12:27
Speaker 5: get out, because that's not an easy thing either. When
12:30
Speaker 5: people say just leave, and you can't just leave.
12:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think most people stay or don't, you know,
12:39
Speaker 2: share their stories because of that particular statement, just leave,
12:44
Speaker 2: just leave, And it's not always the case because.
12:49
Speaker 4: It's normal.
12:50
Speaker 2: You're afraid to leave because you don't have anywhere to go.
12:53
Speaker 2: You don't want to involve your family because what he's
12:55
Speaker 2: doing to me, I don't want them to feel that,
12:58
Speaker 2: or he can threaten them to keep me there.
13:01
Speaker 1: You know.
13:02
Speaker 2: I've had I have other guests on the show who
13:05
Speaker 2: said that that was one of the reasons why she stayed.
13:09
Speaker 2: Told her, if you leave me them, I'm gonna go
13:12
Speaker 2: and find your family, and I'm gonna hurt them to
13:14
Speaker 2: get back.
13:14
Speaker 5: At you exactly. And that's why I tell people, you
13:18
Speaker 5: don't know their story. You don't know why they stayed. Yeah,
13:22
Speaker 5: you don't know why they made the decision that they made.
13:25
Speaker 4: It could be to save your life.
13:27
Speaker 5: It could because they, you know, wanted to stay because
13:31
Speaker 5: they couldn't afford to leave. Or of course, if they
13:34
Speaker 5: get in your mind, anybody that get in your mind,
13:36
Speaker 5: they got you all the way. And I was fighteen
13:39
Speaker 5: So I mean from someone who was way older than me,
13:44
Speaker 5: of course, and my mom working, she don't have time
13:47
Speaker 5: to really sit down and say this, this and this now.
13:49
Speaker 5: Don't get me wrong, my mom will have some nuggets
13:51
Speaker 5: that if I would have listened, I probably wouldn't have
13:54
Speaker 5: gone down that road.
13:55
Speaker 4: But she didn't know what I was going through.
13:57
Speaker 5: And I just was looking for that attention and that love,
14:00
Speaker 5: and not just that attention and that love. I have
14:02
Speaker 5: always been someone who didn't believe that, you know, Baton
14:06
Speaker 5: Rouge was where I was supposed to be, and I
14:09
Speaker 5: can honestly say that renewing of the mind had to
14:13
Speaker 5: take place.
14:13
Speaker 4: But I believe that dealing with drug dealers was going
14:16
Speaker 4: to get me out of the ghetto.
14:20
Speaker 2: That's deep. That is deep, and it's all about that mentality,
14:25
Speaker 2: in that mindset. And I think that when you want better,
14:27
Speaker 2: you do better, and then life begins to get better.
14:31
Speaker 4: It does.
14:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, So what would you say to anyone who's listening
14:36
Speaker 2: who may have an idea that their family member is
14:40
Speaker 2: going through some type of abuse would be some of
14:43
Speaker 2: the early signs to pay attention to.
14:45
Speaker 5: I would say isolation is our biggest thing. They isolate
14:50
Speaker 5: you from family and friends, and you know that part
14:54
Speaker 5: right there is where the control begins, because if they
14:57
Speaker 5: have your mind, they have everything. Be more attentive and
15:02
Speaker 5: be more empathetic because you don't know what they're going
15:06
Speaker 5: through inside of that home. You just know that there
15:09
Speaker 5: are going through something. Most times you cannot call the
15:13
Speaker 5: police for them, they have to do that themselves. But
15:16
Speaker 5: if you really feel that something is going wrong, do
15:19
Speaker 5: a welfare check over there and see if your child
15:23
Speaker 5: is okay. And sometimes, if you know better, don't do that,
15:27
Speaker 5: I would say, because if it's really really hostile over there,
15:31
Speaker 5: that could cause a problem with the welfare check. But
15:33
Speaker 5: I do say check on your loved ones. Tell them,
15:36
Speaker 5: you love them, don't ask them why they stay, because
15:40
Speaker 5: that's not a question to ask because they don't know
15:43
Speaker 5: sometimes themselves, or if they do know, it's something that's
15:47
Speaker 5: to protect them and their kids. Or you also don't
15:51
Speaker 5: ask why they keep going back. It's a cycle until
15:54
Speaker 5: the renewing of the mind takes place. Most times they
15:57
Speaker 5: will go back until something happens next time they will
16:01
Speaker 5: go back. But we have to continue to pray for them.
16:04
Speaker 5: We have to continue to.
16:05
Speaker 4: Help them in any way that we can.
16:07
Speaker 5: So I just say, don't ask them why they stay,
16:10
Speaker 5: don't ask them why they keep going back.
16:12
Speaker 4: Just ask them what you can do to help them.
16:15
Speaker 5: And if they say nothing but pray, then get on
16:17
Speaker 5: your knees and pray.
16:19
Speaker 4: Absolutely.
16:21
Speaker 2: That is a you give me chills, because sometimes that's
16:27
Speaker 2: the only thing that you're going to be able to do,
16:30
Speaker 2: is pray. You might see the bruises, you might see
16:33
Speaker 2: the manipulation. You may want to go in guns blazing,
16:38
Speaker 2: but you have to understand that it is not your
16:41
Speaker 2: experience and if you step in sometimes you can make
16:45
Speaker 2: it worse. Yes, and it could be fatal.
16:49
Speaker 4: Yes.
16:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I know that you are an overcomer of
16:55
Speaker 2: domestic violence. What made you want to help other women
16:59
Speaker 2: get out of those situations like becoming a life coach
17:02
Speaker 2: and starting your business Lotus worldwide. How did you know
17:07
Speaker 2: that that was a part of your purpose to help
17:09
Speaker 2: other women get out?
17:11
Speaker 5: It was a set up. It was a set up
17:15
Speaker 5: for a divine appointment, baby, because.
17:19
Speaker 4: I love education.
17:21
Speaker 5: Like I said, I have three degrees, and I didn't
17:23
Speaker 5: get those and have a love for education until I
17:27
Speaker 5: retired from the military, and I was thirty eight years old.
17:30
Speaker 5: When I got out the military, everybody was saying, you
17:33
Speaker 5: have to have some type of college Like, I am
17:36
Speaker 5: not college material.
17:37
Speaker 4: I barely made it out of high school.
17:39
Speaker 5: And so I went to college, got my Associates of
17:43
Speaker 5: Arts in business so I could do it, got hungry,
17:47
Speaker 5: got my bachelor's of Science and communications.
17:51
Speaker 4: I love communications.
17:52
Speaker 5: I really wanted to go into forensics and you know,
17:55
Speaker 5: just kind of write out all that kind of stuff
17:57
Speaker 5: and go to the scene and all that that, but
18:01
Speaker 5: my stomach just couldn't take the blood. So I went
18:05
Speaker 5: into instead of forensic psychology. I just got a master's
18:08
Speaker 5: in the basic psychology and I didn't go back.
18:11
Speaker 4: To get.
18:13
Speaker 5: All of my credentials to be like a psychologist, but
18:17
Speaker 5: I have my Masters in psychology, which affords me the
18:19
Speaker 5: opportunity to counsel. And so how it was a setup
18:23
Speaker 5: is I really went to school for it, but I
18:26
Speaker 5: had no idea what I would do with it. But
18:28
Speaker 5: as God continued to grow me, as God continued to
18:31
Speaker 5: shape and mold me, as God continued to lay people
18:35
Speaker 5: out of my life and things got hard, the only
18:38
Speaker 5: thing I could remember doing that would give me hope
18:41
Speaker 5: was to go back to school. And so I started
18:43
Speaker 5: taking these certifications and started just doing little things and
18:47
Speaker 5: working on myself and my self esteem and my self
18:50
Speaker 5: love and my self awareness because I had issues with that.
18:54
Speaker 5: And even though I was going out speaking to people,
18:57
Speaker 5: I would come home and be so broken, and I
18:59
Speaker 5: would be sick, literally sick, almost like throwing up and
19:03
Speaker 5: all this kind of stuff because I wasn't ready and
19:05
Speaker 5: I wasn't developed. And so God it was a setup
19:08
Speaker 5: for me to be a be a lover of education
19:13
Speaker 5: that when I go through things, instead of me giving up,
19:16
Speaker 5: I'll go to a book or I'll go to something
19:19
Speaker 5: that will pour into me and I'll start getting that
19:23
Speaker 5: motivation all over again. And so this is the product
19:27
Speaker 5: of who I am. I love, love what I do.
19:30
Speaker 5: I love my purpose. I love the people I represent,
19:33
Speaker 5: the people that I'm going to meet. I always tell
19:36
Speaker 5: people I don't net work. I don't work anymore. I'm worse.
19:40
Speaker 5: If I can't pull worth into you, then what am
19:42
Speaker 5: I for you? Am I What purpose am I there
19:46
Speaker 5: for you? If I can pour something into you as
19:49
Speaker 5: well as wanting something back from you.
19:51
Speaker 2: Absolutely I love that. I love that and know And
19:55
Speaker 2: you mentioned about the no More Silence correlition? How does
19:58
Speaker 2: that start?
19:59
Speaker 1: Like?
19:59
Speaker 2: Why when did you and the group of ladies realize
20:03
Speaker 2: that it was bigger than where you are? Like, it's
20:05
Speaker 2: a it's a movement sort of speak to go in
20:09
Speaker 2: and help other people overcome and give them the resources
20:13
Speaker 2: that they may not know that that's there for them to,
20:17
Speaker 2: you know, get out of certain situations to become better.
20:21
Speaker 5: I think, first of all, I tried my best throughout
20:24
Speaker 5: the Baton Rouge and surrounding parishes from Ascension to the
20:28
Speaker 5: East Feliciana, West Feliciana, Pointepee Parish, West Baton Rouge Parish,
20:34
Speaker 5: East Baton Rouge Parish, Livingston.
20:36
Speaker 4: Parish, and anything that's around here.
20:40
Speaker 5: I sent out proposals to be able to educate in
20:44
Speaker 5: the school system and give these school these children some
20:48
Speaker 5: vital tools that they need to succeed because they think
20:52
Speaker 5: that tapping, oh, you know, pushing and shoving, or he's
20:55
Speaker 5: telling you he don't like your hair or what you're wearing,
20:57
Speaker 5: or your pants are too tight, and all this kind
20:59
Speaker 5: of stuff. It leads or bullying also leads to other things.
21:03
Speaker 5: But I haven't gotten any calls back with my proposals
21:07
Speaker 5: in question, or are asking me anything about that. But
21:11
Speaker 5: then I met up with Uniqua Harmon, which is out
21:14
Speaker 5: of Houston, and she has the she has the UH
21:17
Speaker 5: Divine Pearls of Royalty that I educate for UH and
21:21
Speaker 5: also she has she had a No More Silence Tour
21:25
Speaker 5: that me and her did some years back, and so
21:29
Speaker 5: we were this was our This was a process in
21:32
Speaker 5: the making because we started years ago and then we
21:35
Speaker 5: stopped with the No More Silence tour. But then God
21:39
Speaker 5: brought it back up this year and she was talking
21:41
Speaker 5: and we were saying, you know, we lost our vision
21:44
Speaker 5: because we were supposed to be going to small small
21:47
Speaker 5: towns and educating these people and helping them get their
21:51
Speaker 5: own Domestic violence organizations set up so that they can
21:56
Speaker 5: have like like a neighborhood watch, because all everybody knows everybody,
22:01
Speaker 5: so things can go away. And you know, just having
22:05
Speaker 5: a strong alliance and people knowing that you have somebody
22:08
Speaker 5: that will come to your small town and stand up
22:12
Speaker 5: for who you are.
22:14
Speaker 4: We started talking about that and one day she just said,
22:16
Speaker 4: you know.
22:17
Speaker 5: I would love for I would love for us to
22:21
Speaker 5: bring other organizations in so when people are having something,
22:25
Speaker 5: we can all show up together and we can show
22:28
Speaker 5: them that that's the same love we won't in return
22:30
Speaker 5: when we.
22:30
Speaker 4: Have events, and when we do it, we want to.
22:33
Speaker 5: Be able to be corporate to where we're standing in
22:36
Speaker 5: solidarity all over the world, because of course I am
22:40
Speaker 5: Lotus worldwide and I intend to go world wide with
22:45
Speaker 5: this movement. And so with that being said, she told me,
22:48
Speaker 5: and I'm kind of like the guru of putting stuff together.
22:51
Speaker 5: So one night God just prompted me to start working
22:55
Speaker 5: on the alliance and I and he gave me the
22:58
Speaker 5: end of it, and I told her, I said, we
23:01
Speaker 5: can start to know more silent Southern Region alliance and
23:04
Speaker 5: you know, work with the Southern region first and then
23:07
Speaker 5: go north, south east and West afterwards, but just pull
23:10
Speaker 5: people together and pull our resources together so when others
23:14
Speaker 5: need us, we can be there for them whatever they need.
23:18
Speaker 4: And we've been doing that out of pocket.
23:20
Speaker 5: And may I put this punchline in, we are looking
23:22
Speaker 5: for sponsors and people who will help us through this
23:26
Speaker 5: journey because we have been coming out of pocket with
23:28
Speaker 5: our own money, our own time, everything, and we even
23:33
Speaker 5: if we have to get in a car, get gas money,
23:36
Speaker 5: hotel rooms and we've stayed in some you know hotel
23:40
Speaker 5: rooms that back in the day when I had this
23:42
Speaker 5: arrogancy about me, I probably would never stay in. But
23:45
Speaker 5: God has afforded me the opportunity to grow because He's
23:51
Speaker 5: taken away a lot of things from me and he's shown.
23:54
Speaker 4: Me that they mean nothing without him. Absolutely.
23:57
Speaker 2: So how can how can anyone that's listening become a sponsor?
24:01
Speaker 5: They can get in contact with me personally two two
24:05
Speaker 5: five four five three two three four nine and I
24:09
Speaker 5: can send them a sponsorship. They can email me at
24:13
Speaker 5: Coach C O A C. H. Elissa E. L I S.
24:16
Speaker 5: S A B E E at gmail dot com. Or
24:20
Speaker 5: also we have another email, this Southern Region Alliance at
24:24
Speaker 5: gmail dot com, which is where they what they would
24:27
Speaker 5: be helping toward. But my fight alone is, you know,
24:32
Speaker 5: making sure that I reach people. So of course that
24:35
Speaker 5: if they sponsor me, it goes towards everything that I
24:39
Speaker 5: do for domestic violence, because I myself know that that
24:45
Speaker 5: is the purpose that God's put me on this earth
24:47
Speaker 5: to do, and I love what.
24:50
Speaker 2: I do absolutely, So I want to ask this question,
24:53
Speaker 2: and it's a little personal, where there are any particular
24:56
Speaker 2: events or situations that you went through that was like
25:01
Speaker 2: a turning point during your journey dealing with domestic ballots.
25:08
Speaker 5: The turning point came when my ex husband walked out
25:12
Speaker 5: the door to go to the store and didn't.
25:14
Speaker 4: Come back for a week.
25:17
Speaker 5: When he came home, he beat me profusely because he
25:22
Speaker 5: said I had a man in the house. He said
25:25
Speaker 5: he saw him jumping out the window and he drove up. Now,
25:29
Speaker 5: first of all, if he left out the house to
25:31
Speaker 5: go to the store, we could go. I don't know
25:33
Speaker 5: where you are and when you're coming back, So why
25:36
Speaker 5: would I bring anyone into your home?
25:38
Speaker 4: For that reason for sure, But.
25:40
Speaker 5: Also because you are abusive, So why would I put
25:44
Speaker 5: myself in that position to be abused? But he really
25:50
Speaker 5: did really bad and It was in the middle of
25:52
Speaker 5: the night and my daughter heard it. He walked in
25:54
Speaker 5: the room and my bed sat really really high. We
25:57
Speaker 5: had big polls. I promise you that the polls were
25:59
Speaker 5: by this big. Back in the nineties, I paid like
26:02
Speaker 5: over ten thousand dollars for this bedroom set, and so
26:05
Speaker 5: I was in the military, and so it was a
26:08
Speaker 5: very hard bedroom set. And it had a foot footstool
26:11
Speaker 5: at the I mean a foot thing at the bottom,
26:13
Speaker 5: and it had a cup.
26:14
Speaker 4: And it was like when he pulled me, he pulled
26:16
Speaker 4: me from the bed.
26:17
Speaker 5: He took my feet and he wrapped them and he
26:20
Speaker 5: just pulled me from the bed while I was asleep
26:22
Speaker 5: in the middle of my sleep, and started beating on
26:26
Speaker 5: me profusely. And my daughter heard it in the middle
26:29
Speaker 5: of the night, and all she was doing was bamming
26:31
Speaker 5: on the door.
26:32
Speaker 4: I could remember this like it was yesterday.
26:34
Speaker 5: And she just got in some kind of way I
26:37
Speaker 5: don't remember, and she got in the middle of us,
26:40
Speaker 5: which gave me a chance to kind of get away
26:43
Speaker 5: because I had black eyes and I was just all
26:45
Speaker 5: busted up and I'm trying to get away from him,
26:47
Speaker 5: and she just stood in front of him, and I
26:50
Speaker 5: can remember it just like it was yesterday. She said,
26:53
Speaker 5: don't you hit one more time? And she said it
26:59
Speaker 5: just like that. I can never forget it as long
27:01
Speaker 5: as I live. And I'm like, I left my baby
27:03
Speaker 5: out there to a monster. And he was about to
27:07
Speaker 5: whip her because she was calling the police, and I
27:10
Speaker 5: came out, bust out, and I said, and this is
27:14
Speaker 5: what was the turning point, because my oldest daughter is
27:16
Speaker 5: not for him. But she didn't know that at the time,
27:19
Speaker 5: at fourteen years old, she didn't know we had did
27:22
Speaker 5: that with her. He had taken he had taken her
27:25
Speaker 5: and changed her over to him, his name and everything else.
27:28
Speaker 5: So we never shared that and we never decided to
27:31
Speaker 5: share it. But when he was about to whip her
27:33
Speaker 5: for calling the police, I just had to step in
27:36
Speaker 5: and it blurted out, you are not her father. I
27:39
Speaker 5: am her mom, and you will not put your hands
27:42
Speaker 5: on my child. In the bit of rage. Yeah, And
27:45
Speaker 5: she heard that. And I laid in the bed for
27:49
Speaker 5: a week trying to figure out how I could kill
27:51
Speaker 5: him and get away with it. And God woke me
27:54
Speaker 5: up one morning and said, get up and get out.
27:56
Speaker 5: And I started questioning him. But what I'm gonna do
27:58
Speaker 5: about my house. This is my house is in my name,
28:01
Speaker 5: and what I'm gonna do he is in my truck,
28:02
Speaker 5: and that truck is in my name, and what I'm
28:04
Speaker 5: gonna do about my baby? And she dah dah da dah.
28:06
Speaker 5: He said, I want you to get one change in
28:08
Speaker 5: of clothes and I need you to leave now. And
28:12
Speaker 5: I picked up and I left. And six months later,
28:15
Speaker 5: after he got out of jail, my oldest daughter she
28:19
Speaker 5: did want to go see him, and me, being naive,
28:21
Speaker 5: I'm thinking, Okay, he ain't gonna bother me. I get
28:23
Speaker 5: there and he makes me come in the house. And
28:26
Speaker 5: that's the day I got pregnant with my seventeen year old.
28:31
Speaker 5: And the turning point was she was not gonna go
28:34
Speaker 5: through what I had put already had guilt about putting
28:37
Speaker 5: through to my youngest, my oldest daughter. So I made
28:40
Speaker 5: the conscious decision that if God feeds me, if he
28:44
Speaker 5: feeds the birds in the air and the fish and
28:47
Speaker 5: the sea, what more would he do for me and mine?
28:50
Speaker 4: And I never looked back after that.
28:52
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I love that. And I'm so glad that you
28:55
Speaker 2: were obedient because you may not be here.
28:57
Speaker 4: No, I wouldn't have been here, Yeah, I will not.
29:01
Speaker 2: In what ways have you grown or changed as a
29:04
Speaker 2: person since your experience? And I can I can feel
29:08
Speaker 2: the strength. I can see the strength like being in
29:11
Speaker 2: your presence is just like it's like a gravitational pull.
29:16
Speaker 2: It makes me want to do more just being in
29:21
Speaker 2: your presence. I don't know if anybody has ever told
29:23
Speaker 2: you that, but that strength that you have, I know
29:26
Speaker 2: it came from God in your experience he did. Yeah,
29:31
Speaker 2: So how has you have besides your faith? How have
29:34
Speaker 2: you grown or changed as a person since your experience?
29:39
Speaker 5: I think wisdom. I think that I've been resilient long enough.
29:44
Speaker 5: I bounced back long enough. That's okay, And it's good
29:48
Speaker 5: to have that bounce back spirit and that resilience and
29:51
Speaker 5: you know, come be able to keep turning over ground
29:56
Speaker 5: after you've uh it's dried out and you know. And
30:00
Speaker 5: so I failed several many times on business ventures, being
30:04
Speaker 5: homeless and everything else. But what keeps me going is
30:09
Speaker 5: my strength and my will and my determination to keep going.
30:12
Speaker 5: After seeing my mama say I trust God and her
30:15
Speaker 5: death and her death, she told me I trust God,
30:18
Speaker 5: and that has stuck with me that if my mama
30:22
Speaker 5: can trust God in her death, then throughout this life
30:25
Speaker 5: until I get to where she is, I'm gonna use
30:28
Speaker 5: wisdom because wisdom tells me that even though I keep
30:32
Speaker 5: bouncing back, there is a time that he's going to
30:35
Speaker 5: allow me not to have to bounce back. He's going
30:38
Speaker 5: to give me everything that my heart desires if I
30:40
Speaker 5: just line up with him, and I won't have to
30:43
Speaker 5: keep bouncing back. But I can teach other resilient people
30:46
Speaker 5: how to have wisdom and say, Okay, I've learned from
30:49
Speaker 5: this experience, so now let me move on from that,
30:54
Speaker 5: grow from that. And I've also learned that grow you
30:57
Speaker 5: are still growing until you lose both parents, especially if
31:00
Speaker 5: they're present in your life, because growth are grown doesn't
31:05
Speaker 5: happen until you have to be there by yourself, in
31:08
Speaker 5: that field, trying to grow in that dry land, all
31:12
Speaker 5: by yourself.
31:15
Speaker 2: Wow, that's amazing. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you
31:18
Speaker 2: for sharing that. And this has been an amazing interview,
31:23
Speaker 2: like it's a conversation, because I don't feel like it's
31:25
Speaker 2: been an interview. It's just two people having a conversation.
31:29
Speaker 2: But is there any words of encouragement, any words of
31:32
Speaker 2: wisdom that you would like to share with the listeners today, Dude, I.
31:37
Speaker 4: Would love to.
31:38
Speaker 5: I wrote this, I guess just like this little motivational thing,
31:44
Speaker 5: and I wrote a shorter version.
31:46
Speaker 4: I have a long version.
31:47
Speaker 5: I have a sharp version, and I just would like
31:49
Speaker 5: to use the sharp version because the other one is
31:52
Speaker 5: a little bit long. And it's called you got to
31:55
Speaker 5: show up for yourself. You got to show up for
31:58
Speaker 5: yourself even when nobodybody else does show up because you matter,
32:03
Speaker 5: because your life has purpose. Yes it's hard, yes it hurts,
32:09
Speaker 5: but pain is proof that something powerful is being born
32:13
Speaker 5: in you. Push through the breakthrough, make breakdowns, push through
32:17
Speaker 5: the tears, push through the silence.
32:19
Speaker 4: Your purpose is waiting. People are waiting. God didn't put
32:23
Speaker 4: you here for nothing.
32:25
Speaker 5: So keep pressing, keep rising, keep showing up because the
32:30
Speaker 5: world is waiting on what only you can deliver.
32:35
Speaker 2: Amen. I love that. I love that. So before we close,
32:41
Speaker 2: tell the listeners how to connect with you? Because I
32:44
Speaker 2: know you are, you know, a life coach. You have
32:46
Speaker 2: a lot of things to offer someone who may be
32:48
Speaker 2: listening and need that. How can they connect with you
32:51
Speaker 2: to work with you possibly, or just you know, just
32:54
Speaker 2: talk to you about what they're going through because everybody
32:57
Speaker 2: needs somebody of course.
32:59
Speaker 5: They can reach me at two two five four five
33:01
Speaker 5: three two three four nine. You can also reach me
33:04
Speaker 5: at coach c O A C H Elyssa E l
33:07
Speaker 5: I S s A B b e E at gmail
33:10
Speaker 5: dot com. You can also find me on Facebook at
33:13
Speaker 5: Elissa b e E. You can find me on Instagram
33:17
Speaker 5: at Diva twod two four seven. That's Diva with an attitude,
33:21
Speaker 5: just kind of put together Diva two two four seven.
33:24
Speaker 5: You can find me anywhere on any pleathora of social
33:28
Speaker 5: media at Lotus Worldwide Consulting, also with Elissa Boudreau b
33:34
Speaker 5: O U d R e a U X. I am
33:36
Speaker 5: on X, I am on let me see all the
33:39
Speaker 5: things I'm on. I'm on I G I'm on X,
33:41
Speaker 5: I'm on threads, I'm on LinkedIn. You can find me
33:45
Speaker 5: by my name or by Lotus Worldwide. We both are
33:49
Speaker 5: one and the same. I carry it everywhere I go,
33:52
Speaker 5: I share everywhere I go, and I love everywhere I go.
33:56
Speaker 2: Well, it hasn't been a pleasure with you kicking it
33:59
Speaker 2: with us us today. Thank you for always, you know,
34:03
Speaker 2: gracing your presence with sharing your story unapologetically. It is
34:08
Speaker 2: who you are and the world needs more of that.
34:10
Speaker 2: So keep doing that. I wish you continue blessings.
34:14
Speaker 4: Thank you appreciate that.
34:16
Speaker 2: Yes, and I'm just I'm excited to have you here.
34:19
Speaker 2: So I cannot wait for you guys to see. She
34:22
Speaker 2: will be featured in the Black Excellence edition of nineteen
34:26
Speaker 2: magazine that comes out in January. So stay tuned for that.
34:31
Speaker 2: Last question. What do you have coming up? What's next
34:34
Speaker 2: for you? Listen?
34:35
Speaker 5: Well, after today we are going to Mississippi. They have
34:41
Speaker 5: their golf in golf Port. They have their annual fashion
34:47
Speaker 5: show and it's a fashion week and they're featuring domestic
34:50
Speaker 5: violence and breast cancer. I'm also going to be in
34:56
Speaker 5: let's see, I'm going to do some things here in
34:58
Speaker 5: Matt and Ruge Novh Brother eighteenth. I will be at
35:02
Speaker 5: an event I don't know the name, forgive me for that.
35:07
Speaker 4: I have several this month.
35:09
Speaker 5: Of course, you know this is Domestic Violence Awareness Month,
35:13
Speaker 5: and so I have several events. I also offer coaching. Yes,
35:17
Speaker 5: I do self development coaching, self love coaching. I can
35:21
Speaker 5: help you with your business plans. I can help you
35:25
Speaker 5: do a lot a lot of things.
35:27
Speaker 4: Just call me. I've written several books.
35:29
Speaker 5: If you want some advice and some direction on where
35:34
Speaker 5: to go with who can help you with your book
35:36
Speaker 5: and publish your book at a fast rate speed. I
35:40
Speaker 5: can give you some of that information. I would love
35:42
Speaker 5: to reach over here and get my books and share
35:44
Speaker 5: those with you right quick.
35:46
Speaker 4: Okay, So of.
35:49
Speaker 5: Course I gave everybody my information. This is my last book,
35:53
Speaker 5: which is forbidding loved domestic violence out loud. This is
35:56
Speaker 5: my Price Possession, believe it or not. And it has
35:59
Speaker 5: a book a volume two coming out very shortly. And
36:03
Speaker 5: in the volume two, the volume one is more basic.
36:06
Speaker 5: It tells you all about domestic violence, any questions you
36:08
Speaker 5: may have, talk about the bad boy image and all
36:11
Speaker 5: kind of stuff.
36:12
Speaker 4: This is the book.
36:14
Speaker 5: The second value uh, talks about everything that they talked
36:18
Speaker 5: about in the Diddy trial, all kinds of jargon, uh,
36:21
Speaker 5: things that we didn't know about, things that I didn't
36:24
Speaker 5: know about, and titles to things that I went through
36:27
Speaker 5: that I didn't know really had a title to. So
36:30
Speaker 5: that book is coming out soon. So those two books
36:32
Speaker 5: are books that I think everybody needs in their home.
36:36
Speaker 5: My first my book in March was this Child's Book,
36:39
Speaker 5: and we talked about that about self love and self awareness.
36:42
Speaker 5: This is the Freckle Ferry of magical lesson and loving yourself.
36:45
Speaker 5: This is my my two girls mixed together and this
36:48
Speaker 5: is me. And we all have freckles in our face.
36:52
Speaker 5: So being self awareness and loving on every flaw that
36:57
Speaker 5: you have. If you don't have freckles, you may have
36:59
Speaker 5: a scar or something like that, and that might be
37:02
Speaker 5: the thorn that's in your side reminding you that I
37:05
Speaker 5: don't want to do that anymore. That was a bad experience.
37:09
Speaker 5: So don't ever think that being self aware or having
37:12
Speaker 5: a scar or a flaw is a bad thing. In fact,
37:15
Speaker 5: it's a good thing. It's what makes you unique. So
37:18
Speaker 5: this is a good book to have. These three books
37:21
Speaker 5: were the first books that I wrote this year and
37:23
Speaker 5: published by Books to Win with Angela Win. And I
37:28
Speaker 5: wrote these books by and inspired by apostle Keith Reeschart,
37:33
Speaker 5: which is my apostle, and so I wrote this book
37:37
Speaker 5: I Danced my Way through Death, and it talks about
37:40
Speaker 5: me and my near death experience and how grief from
37:44
Speaker 5: other deaths really took me down and down with spiral
37:47
Speaker 5: and I had to fight for my life. And then
37:49
Speaker 5: it came with also the work book and also the journal.
37:53
Speaker 5: So all three these three together, you work with them
37:57
Speaker 5: together and I did. I worked with one of my
37:59
Speaker 5: clientience and she worked the whole book.
38:02
Speaker 4: We did sessions after sessions, and she is now going viral.
38:07
Speaker 5: She has far exceeded what I thought in a year
38:10
Speaker 5: she would be. But my thing is, it took me
38:14
Speaker 5: ten years as a survivor to even survive the things
38:17
Speaker 5: that I went through, So I don't want I don't
38:20
Speaker 5: want anybody else to have to go through ten years
38:23
Speaker 5: of it. If you can come to me and I
38:24
Speaker 5: can help you and coach you through some of the
38:27
Speaker 5: worst times of your life and encourage you through some
38:29
Speaker 5: of them with a no judgmental zone, loving on you
38:33
Speaker 5: and teaching you tools that you can get to succeed
38:36
Speaker 5: in this society.
38:37
Speaker 4: For today.
38:38
Speaker 5: I am here for you. We can work on payment plans.
38:41
Speaker 5: I am not a hard person to work with and
38:44
Speaker 5: in fact, if you want to pay one at a
38:46
Speaker 5: time and you might skip a couple of weeks or something,
38:49
Speaker 5: but I'll still work with you and I'll still send
38:51
Speaker 5: you things to motivate you until you can come back on.
38:54
Speaker 5: Because I want to see everybody that God has a loted.
38:57
Speaker 4: To my hands win absolutely.
39:00
Speaker 2: I love it. And where can they get the books from?
39:04
Speaker 4: Well, I have.
39:05
Speaker 5: Some books personally on hand, but if they want them
39:08
Speaker 5: right now, they can go to Amazon and.
39:10
Speaker 4: Get any of my books.
39:11
Speaker 5: All they have to put in is the LISTA Boudreau
39:14
Speaker 5: that's E L I S S A boudrou b O
39:18
Speaker 5: U b R E A.
39:19
Speaker 4: U X and they all will pop up and you
39:22
Speaker 4: can google me.
39:22
Speaker 2: I am googleble all right now, all right, so thank
39:27
Speaker 2: you for sharing. All of this information will be in
39:29
Speaker 2: the show notes guys, so you don't have any excuse
39:32
Speaker 2: and listen. Thank you for again for coming to Kicking
39:34
Speaker 2: with me. It has been a pleasure. Thank you guys
39:37
Speaker 2: for listening in to another episode of Kicking in Wikiki, life,
39:40
Speaker 2: love and all that other shit. And we are back
39:42
Speaker 2: next Thursday with the new episode. Make sure you tune
39:45
Speaker 2: in on all streaming platforms and this will also be
39:48
Speaker 2: available on my YouTube channel Kicking and Wikiki Media. So
39:52
Speaker 2: until next time, Purple hugs Later, ch
40:04
Speaker 3: They come the Goo