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Abusive Words Have Power - Don’t Ignore Them · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate leading podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say thank you.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me listening to this podcast as we dive into the topic of the power of words and how toxic words can affect us and how we navigate forgiveness through it.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when we think about it, most of us recognize that words do have power.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I know that I was raised with the old adage, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: There's there was truth to that, but there's also a little bit of untruth to it.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, yes, you know, some words won't hurt as long as we don't make them mean something, but toxic words over time can definitely have effect.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, because when we think about it, words absolutely can lift us up.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: When somebody says something positive to us, it can absolutely lift us up.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so, likewise, if they're using toxic words towards us, it can bring us down.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And when we think about it, I mean, every time somebody says something to us, those words can be seeds that are being planted.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: And narratives can be made of it.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: And while we can do a lot of a lot of self-development work and a lot of inner work around not taking on other people's opinions as truths or recognizing when we're making them mean something of us, consistent toxic words can absolutely have an effect on you.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, those words, when I'm talking about toxic words, I'm talking about words that that are demeaning or belittling, or they're they do somewhat attack your sense of self.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And when they come from people who you felt you trust, like for instance, if they're coming from colleagues or friends or family, and yes, even to some extent, some strangers, but I think it's easier to release some of the those words from strangers, but when it comes from somebody who you deem close to you, and and you know, somebody that you've you've created some semblance of trust with, what happens is that those toxic words over time are going to take hold.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody once told me or gave me a metaphor.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, you know, when you have a piece of paper and it's nice and smooth, but oh but over let's say you you wrinkle the paper up, you can smooth the paper out, but it's always gonna have those wrinkles in it, and you can learn to live with it for some of the time, but if you have too many wrinkles in it, over time the paper gets worn out.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's somewhat like that.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: I th I liked that metaphor just because I think the same thing happens with toxic words, where sometimes when we're hit with the words, you know, the first time it can be hurtful and and sad, but over time, when we're hit with them over and over again, it can take a it can really take hold and that sadness gets deepened and that hurt gets deepened and can actually lead to some some sense of resentment and anger.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um because when we are attacked routinely over and over again, naturally there's gonna be some type of fight or flight response, you know, because it's our it's essentially our that self-protective part that's gonna pop up and want to protect us from the hurt that we're receiving from those words.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we process it?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: How do we go from a place of being hurt to healing?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes, you know, people will say, well, forgive, because forgiveness is, you know, that practice where it it releases it's for it's more for you than the other person.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: It releases the anchor that you have.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: And while I agree that forgiveness is a huge part of your well-being, it's definitely also important to give yourself time to get to that place of forgiveness.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you just jump into forgiveness before you've had time to process through your own emotions around what was said, it could it it's it's almost an inauthentic or a toxic form of forgiveness itself because it's almost at that point is you're not actually utilizing forgiveness for your own well-being, it's just because you quote unquote should do it.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because also the important thing about understanding the process of forgiving forgiving is it doesn't it does not mean that you're going to necessarily forget what happened, and it also doesn't mean that you are accepting and condoning what was said.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: It means that you're acknowledging the pain, you're acknowledging that maybe there was something you could take from it, and also there could be a process of letting go.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: So forgiveness doesn't mean necessarily that you allow that person to stay in the same role that they had before.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: It could just be a process of saying, I'm no longer gonna be attached to the things that were said to me.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: In order to do this, this is where mindfulness is gonna play a key role, right?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's about being in the present moment, no longer, no longer reliving the past and allowing yourself to, you know, get to that point.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's not about speed, it's not about I have to do this right away, it's when you are ready to do it.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: And through that process, it's also recognizing that there are gonna be those vulnerable moments, you know, that that it's okay to feel hurt, it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel those those parts of you because through allowing them to be present, you can get curious with what it is that you now need and how can you cultivate that, and that's how healing really starts.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so as you grow as you adapt, right, as you grow through this and you learn about your own capacity for your resilience, and you learn about increasing your own self-concept and your own self-acceptance.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: I guess we do lean into that.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I say there is some truth in that whole old adage, sticks and stones maybe ache my bones, but words will never hurt me.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: We start building up the capacity to recognize that people will say things to us.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have control over it.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it is it is very toxic and very hurtful.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: When we give ourselves time to process through all those emotions, we can learn to choose what our response is gonna be.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: We can learn to choose to are we gonna take that in or are we going to allow for that person to say what they're gonna say, come to a place of radical acceptance that they may never understand the depths of what they said and how hurtful it was, but go back to what's true about me as a person, what's true about myself, and come back home to your own set of knowings about yourself, your own value system, your own belief system.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: This is a tough one.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if you find yourself healing from toxic dynamics and want to talk about it and see how coaching could be helpful, or you want to talk about anything else where you think coaching might be able to help move you through, move you forward, whether professionally or personally, feel free to book a time with me at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit our website at www.comedywood.com.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.