Latest / Tits, Wit, & Grit / You Are the Story You Tell Yourself with Melissa Graham

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You Are the Story You Tell Yourself with Melissa Graham · Tits, Wit, & Grit

• Tracy Laskos Hill: Today, we are super excited to welcome Melissa Graham, the COO of Richard Harris Law Firm. Melissa brings a powerful perspective on leadership, ⁓ operational excellence, and what it really takes to help scale and support a high performing organization behind the scenes. From navigating growth and building strong teams to balancing strategy with people first leadership, Melissa has played a key role in driving success within one of the nation's well-known law firms. In this episode, we're diving into the realities of executive leadership. the lessons learned along the way, and the grit and wit required to thrive in high pressure environments. Melissa, welcome to Tits, Wit and Grit. We're super excited to have you. Melissa Graham: Thanks for having me. I am super excited to join you. Tracy Laskos Hill: Absolutely. Yes. Melissa, one of the things we love to do with our guests when we first get a chance to connect is just hear from you in your own words, a little bit about your journey, like where you started, how you got to where you are, and all of the goodness in between. So dive in. We'd love to hear. Sara Frasca: Tits Wit and Grit is a podcast created to hold honest, intelligent conversations with women who lead, build, and navigate demanding professional lives. This podcast was born from a belief that women benefit from spaces where experience is honored, perspective is shared openly, and leadership can be discussed in both depth and candor, and maybe even a little laughter. Each episode brings forth voices that will offer insight Melissa Graham: Yeah, so all I have ever done, well outside of working at Jack on the Box, is work at a law firm. And so I started as the photocopy clerk when I was 19 and have done absolutely every job you could think of from reception to the mail room to legal secretary to paralegal. ⁓ And now I get the pleasure of working with all of those same folks and contribute in a different way. So it's been an exciting journey, a long one, but very exciting. Sara Frasca: drawn from their experience, and we will all speak honestly about leadership, resilience, ambition, and personal evolution. So let's get started. Tits, wit, and grit. Tracy Laskos Hill: That's great. That's really good. Laura: Melissa, mean, hats off a tremendous career so far. And I know you're only 10, so you've got many years left to go. So that's awesome. But tell us a little bit about just kind of your, as you've gone through your journey of being a woman and the tits part of this conversation of how has it been being a woman in the workforce? What do you like about, what are some of the challenges? but shedding a light on that, they can, for our listeners. Melissa Graham: ⁓ I think my favorite part about being a woman ⁓ is we just have the ability to fit 20 things where five go, right? ⁓ No, think there is this resilience that we bring to the table. ⁓ I don't know that I move from a place of a woman versus a man. I think for me and my journey, at least for myself, I have always, you know, tried to remind myself that You are the story that you tell yourself. So I think a lot of times in my career, I walked into rooms worried about what people were thinking, you know, was I being too feminine? Was I being too emotional? Was I being too much? And so for me, I think it was realizing I was worrying about things that hadn't happened yet. And so I think for me, I have just realized that you can. walk into a room in a dress and pair of heels. If you know me, that's actually slacks and flats. ⁓ But you can command the room all the same. And so I think for me, it was, I'm not gonna see the difference. Laura: you Melissa Graham: in turn, they're not going to see the difference. Now, has that always worked to my benefit? Absolutely not. ⁓ But it made me feel better. And it made me ⁓ enter more rooms with a level of confidence that I think a different mindset wouldn't have resulted. Laura: Yeah, I mean, I just love what you said there about confidence that I think so many times as women, we walk into a room, maybe a little more shy or a little more timid. And so it's really like before you even open that door or walk through that door, it's you have the confidence, you have the right to be there. You've earned it. And I think that's important for people to hear. Melissa Graham: Yeah, think so many times we spend years worrying about, I'm so lucky to have a seat at the table or did I earn this seat at the table? And you're like, hey sister, you helped build this table, right? Sara Frasca: That's awesome. Laura: And you probably do the dishes off of it and clean it and wipe it down and all that. But that's another podcast. Melissa Graham: That's it. Tracy Laskos Hill: you Melissa Graham: That's a whole different conversation. Laura: Yeah. Sara Frasca: the part where you talked about you are who you tell yourself you are and it's that almost you know self-talk of what we are explaining to ourself that ends up creating who we are. Melissa Graham: Yeah. Yeah. Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm-hmm. Melissa Graham: Yeah, years ago I was at a Tony Robbins conference and he was, you know, there was a session we were in and he was like, you are the victim, you tell yourself you are. And it was like, What? And from that moment on, was like, exactly. So if I walk into this room being timid and shy and afraid, that is how everyone is going to see me. But if I walk into this room, you know, vulnerable and confident, right? ⁓ I used to think vulnerability was such a weakness. And then I realized the most courageous thing you could ever be is vulnerable. And so, you know, walk in vulnerable, confident. You don't need to be who everyone else in the room is. You just need to show up as you. You know, that's the person you work so damn hard to become. Sara Frasca: really great. What about women that have shaped how you lead or show up in the world? there women around you in your past, present, you know, that have impacted you? Melissa Graham: Yeah, I have a particular female mentor in my life. think there's a couple very important people in your life, right? Accountability partners and mentors. And she is, you know, she's got... a few years on me and I've always kind of gravitated towards women a little bit older than me. Like I want to know where I'm headed, not where I'm at or where I've been. I think you get a different perspective. And so she was the absolute ⁓ change that I needed in perspective to ⁓ help me understand you can hold your Sara Frasca: Hey everyone, quick pause from today's episode because we have something really special to share you. Melissa Graham: You know, you can stand your ground, you can be confident, but you can do it with a level of poise and grace. You don't need to come in guns a blazing, being a not so nice person to get your point across and to, you know, fill space in a room. And I just used to watch the way she moved and spoke. And even to this day, you know, when I'm struggling with those types of, of Laura: E-W-I-L, Women in Law, is an intentional curated experience for women in the legal profession who are looking for more than surface level networking and packed conference schedules. Tracy Laskos Hill: We're creating space for real conversations, meaningful connection, reflection, and growth alongside incredible women who truly understand the demands of leadership in law. Melissa Graham: tugs. She just has a way of being able to put it in perspective. It's like, you know, how you feel and what needs to happen rarely live in the same house. But how you carry yourself ⁓ much more important than the battle you're fighting. ⁓ Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Sara Frasca: So join us November 4th through the of 2026 at beautiful Miraval Austin in Texas Hill Country. That's lovely. Just out of curiosity, does she know what she means to you? Tracy Laskos Hill: Hmm. Laura: Yeehaw! This is going to be hosted by your Tits, Wit and Grit team. Point Northeast. Melissa Graham: I hope so, but I think it's just who she is. And so I think, you know, we talk about it all the time and she's like, ⁓ stop it. And I'm like, I don't, I don't think you realize, you know, but I think that's the beauty, right? I think that when we are authentically who we are, we impact lives that, you know, we don't realize. I think that's just. Tracy Laskos Hill: And because this experience is designed for depth, seats are intentionally limited. Sara Frasca: If this sounds like your kind of room, join the interest list now at pointnortheast.com. Now, back to the episode. Melissa Graham: I think that's just such a blessing for the people that carry that. But no, I don't think she does. I just think that's who she is. Laura: Mm-hmm. Sara Frasca: That's really great. Melissa Graham: And I don't let her have other friends, so I kind of hoard her too much. Sara Frasca: Okay. Alright, so that's the tits part. How about wit? What does levity, humor, how does that play a role in your world? Melissa Graham: Well, if you're not laughing, you're crying. And I think I've said this before, I'm an ugly crier. So that's not an option. But I think humor and laughter and a little self-deprecation at times slows it down enough to gain perspective. And I think without it, everything is so emotionally charged. Laura: you Melissa Graham: And, you know, I didn't always laugh at myself, but I think that's, you know, maybe there's something about turning 50, like you better learn to laugh because, you know. Life is too short to be sad, right? So it's, know, sometimes it, you know, I think there's a space where, you know, you have to internalize and you have to look at things seriously. I think without laughter, I think you lose perspective. I really do. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. And how does that translate Melissa into work and into the office and the environment that you've cultivated over at the law firm? Are you bringing wit in on a daily basis? Melissa Graham: well, I think I do maybe other people. ⁓ cause I'm a pretty A type personality. And so it's, it is hard because I think my natural state is just to drive. You know, we joke all the time about, you know, we take a color code test here and you know, your different colors and mine is, you know, most people have a primary and a secondary color. I am what is called a purist. I do not have another gear. ⁓ Laura: Okay. Melissa Graham: So I think honestly, Tracy, for me, that was a learned skill. ⁓ Because I'm the get it done girl. And it took a lot of years to realize that probably wasn't the best way to lead. It was the best way to get the job done, but definitely not the best way to lead. So. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. The evolution of where you were to where you are today. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. What did that look like? Do you have a memorable story where it was kind of that epiphany or is there something? Okay. Melissa Graham: Yeah. Yeah, was year two. We talk about this all the time. ⁓ at my firm, my owner said to me, Melissa, you get a lot done. but you're kind of a bitch. I was like, excuse me? Right? And after the shock of the truth set in, was like... Sara Frasca: That's it for today's episode of Tits, Wit and Grit, where bold women, big ideas, and a little bit of fearless attitude collide. Melissa Graham: You're kind of right. And so it really, you know, I was always good at managing projects and getting tasks done and problem solving. But what I wasn't good at was leading people and in a way that ⁓ in a way that produced results, right? And there's always results driven, but it was probably more forceful than it needed to be. And what I realized is when I learned to come alongside and lead and coach, ⁓ the results came naturally. And it was far better than when I was trying to shove the square peg in the round hole. Tracy Laskos: If today's conversation sparked something for you, share it with someone who needs it and make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss what's coming next. Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm. Mm. Melissa Graham: But I'll never forget that. was just like, what? You know, sometimes it takes a little truth serum to... Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah, yeah, hearing. ⁓ Laura: Did you, I'm curious on that Melissa, did you, when he gave you that feedback, did you either change or did you talk to your team and just be like, hey, I've been given this feedback and you know, I'm sure you guys see it or did, you know, was there any, or is it just, did you internalize it and just say, okay, I need to change? Tracy Laskos Hill: You Mm. Melissa Graham: I I ⁓ am, my nature is to internalize, right? So if something gets said, I get highly offended and then I go home and I have a practice, I journal every day. So I wake up every morning and I journal. It's a practice I have had for years. And so that is my time to reflect on what happened yesterday and what. that's going to change about today. So I think at first it was the internalization of like, there is a reality of, ⁓ shit, he's right. ⁓ And then I don't necessarily think I had like pointed conversations like, hey, everyone, I've realized that I'm kind of a jerk, right. But I did start to engage differently and say, hey, I noticed that we're not Laura Raether: Remember, show up with confidence, trust your wit, and never underestimate the of grit. See you next time. Melissa Graham: Moving things at the pace that I think we could what could I do differently? What should I do differently? And so I think it it was subtle ways not so ⁓ You know probably straightforward but I Mean to answer your question. It was a little bit of both, right? Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm. Laura: Yeah. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah, yeah. But I mean, it's a beautiful segue, Melissa, into kind of the grit aspect of Tits, Wit and Grit. I mean, that takes a lot of grit, self-love, self-grace to like have that feedback, you know, reflect upon it and look towards ⁓ alternative paths forward, right? I mean, so that's one example, but how else has grit? played a role like in the creation of who you are today, personally, professionally, all of the above. Melissa Graham: Yeah, think for me, I think grit comes in those subtle moments, right? In those moments that not a lot of people see, right? ⁓ you know, things in your personal life are happening or, you know, your kid goes off to college and you lose your best friend, right? ⁓ I think it for me, it was, you know, in times where I was feeling. heavy from a personal space, but still had to show up in a professional space, right? so what does that look like? And so I think sometimes leading looks, you know, seamless and powerful. ⁓ ⁓ other days it looks like... Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Melissa Graham: crying in your closet and then putting your big girl pants on and doing it anyways. And I think that for me, that's where the most grit came from is the times where I doubted myself the most, where I felt like I didn't have it in me today. And then you get there and you get to the meeting and you see the people and the lives and the company that you're impacting. and it's like you just gotta keep showing up and it doesn't always have to look pretty. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Yeah. Sara Frasca: I had two reflections. The first thing was, is that a real example of your child going to college? ⁓ Okay, because Tracy's daughter just graduated from high school yesterday. So I was like, ⁓ this is happening to us now. ⁓ Melissa Graham: Thanks. Laura: That's... Melissa Graham: ⁓ yes. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah Melissa Graham: Oh yeah, oh yeah. When my son, I had my son at a very young age. So for me, there was a lot of growth that came with him and attachment to him. Not that he necessarily wanted ladies, but he got it anyways, right? And I remember I used to go in his room and steal M &Ms. And he was like, mom, get out of the M &Ms. Laura: It's. Melissa Graham: And so we just would, it would be like a constant joke. so the week after we had dropped him off at college, which was devastating for me, cause I'm like, what am I going to do? Like he is so, he was so much a part of my everyday. Right. And so one of our vendors showed up and knew I liked ⁓ &Ms. so she delivered a little bowl of ⁓ &Ms and I lost it in the middle of the office. And I was just like, you gotta be kidding me. You brought me ⁓ &Ms. you know? ⁓ But it is, it's those moments that you don't script and you don't even see coming. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Sara Frasca: Yeah. The other thing I was... ⁓ sorry, Laura. The other thing that I was going to tease you about, Laura, was that the big girl undie comment. That's something that I learned from Laura because she used to say that to me. Like, yeah, not every day is going to be beautiful. Not every moment is going to be easy, but put on your big girl panties. Like, get out there. You're good. And it was so, like, reinforcing of the grit. Laura: And I think. No, go ahead. Melissa Graham: Yeah. Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm-hmm. Melissa Graham: Yeah. Sara Frasca: even moments of not greatness. Melissa Graham: Yeah, that's my other favorite story. My daughter was five. She's stubborn. She's still stubborn. ⁓ And she was getting ready for school and she did not want to put her pants on. And I was like, you have to put your pants on. You have to put your pants on. And she is kicking and screaming and everything. it took all I had in me to just calmly keep repeating, you got to put your pants on. Laura: Yeah. Melissa Graham: And so finally she's just like, all right. And she puts her pants on off we go. And so there's so many times where I'm like, Melissa, you just gotta put your pants on. Tracy Laskos Hill: Hmm. Laura: And that's grit for sure. 1000 % of not always doing what we love to do, but you just kind of got to do it. Yeah, for sure. Sara Frasca: Thank Melissa Graham: Bye. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah, but it's similar. Melissa Graham: Sometimes there's no other option, but it always seems to work out like it's supposed to, right? There's always something in it, know, humor, a lesson, you know, a decision. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Laura: And I think that's such, it can be such a cliche of like, oh, you'll get through this, you're whatever. But I think as we all get older and whether it's in your career or your personal life, like you just have to keep going. know, you just, you, whether it's you lean on your tribe, your family, your partner, I mean, your dog, whatever it might be, you just keep it, keep it going. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Yeah. Melissa Graham: Yeah. Yeah. I think the biggest ⁓ thing that was a game changer in terms of how I dealt with it was the permission to feel the way I was feeling. But how you process those feelings and how you move forward. as you become more emotionally intelligent through experiences and maturity and aging and just time, I think you move differently. But it was the biggest game changer was it's okay to cry. It's okay to disagree with somebody. It's okay to have an opinion. It's the way that you deliver all of those things and process them and move forward is what really is the difference between, you know, feeling like you've accomplished something and feeling stuck. Tracy Laskos Hill: Hmm. Yeah. Well, and you referenced, Melissa, you've got this morning routine of journaling. Are there other grounding pieces throughout your day, your week, your month, year that you lean into that kind of help with some of that processing and some of those growth and evolution aspects to yourself? Melissa Graham: Yeah. ⁓ I think there's a couple of routines I have. I journal every day. ⁓ The workouts are, ⁓ they're seasons, right? They're seasons. I am intentional. Laura: Yeah. Melissa Graham: about the beginning of the year. So in December, I order six books that I'm going to read a book a month. And in June, I order the next six books. So my goal is to always read. ⁓ My friend has challenged me this year to read something that is not a business book, but that's, that's just not productive. But we're going to work at it. We're going to work at it. So August, we're going to read a non-business book together. Laura: Cool. Melissa Graham: And I honestly, Tracy, I don't know that it is so much of a daily routine as just a mindset of being intentional and of living intentionally. And we don't always do it well, right? Tracy Laskos Hill: them. Yeah. Yeah. Laura: Wilson. Sara Frasca: Really great. thought of something, ⁓ I don't know, this is going to be probably in the business book category, but there are something you said reminded me of a book called The Comfort Crisis. And, you know, as we have evolved and gotten into, you know, the societies we live in and, you know, whatnot, we're always comfortable. never having to, you know, we're so the point of the book is uncomfortable is sometimes okay and and Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm. Sara Frasca: helps us process into the growth that we need and you know having to do things we don't want to do and all of those sorts of things so you could maybe put it on your back half of the year list but again it just reminded me of that like yeah it's not not a good habit to get into if we're comfortable all the time. Melissa Graham: Yeah. all the time. Sara Frasca: Okay, I'm gonna switch gears to the ⁓ shit moment of the podcast. kind of, you know, tell us about an ⁓ shit moment. It could have been personally, professionally, whatever, that just kind of like put you on your heels or maybe it was like, ⁓ my gosh, ⁓ shit. Melissa Graham: So this was probably, let's see. It was, well, 15 years ago, I was at a smaller firm and my then husband was laid off and I go into work the week after Christmas and I too get laid off. And it was such a small firm that... Most of the furniture at my desk was mine. So I packed my Nissan Armada with the bookcase and the chair. And I think I might've even left one chair because there wasn't enough room and I sure as heck wasn't gonna go back. And I remember driving up to my house and he's taking down the Christmas decorations and I'm looking at him and I'm like, ⁓ shit, neither one of us have jobs. And so I get on the phone. Laura: Yeah. Melissa Graham: ⁓ call my now ⁓ owner of the law firm that I'm currently at and I'm like, hey, I need to come back to work for you. And he's like, I'm on vacation, I'll call you next week. And I'm looking at my husband, I'm like, what are we gonna do? And. Now this is impressive ladies. He said, grab your purse. We're going to go to the bar and get a drink and play Buck Hunter. So that's what we did while I wallowed in self pity and then got home and said, okay, now we got to figure this out, right? Although it was a fun day of Buck Hunter, it was time to move on, but it was the catalyst, right? If you would have asked me on that day, Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Melissa Graham: Fast forward 15 years and you're going to be the COO of one of, if not the largest law firm in Nevada, I would have said you are absolutely out of your mind. And so I think it's crazy to me now when you look at those ⁓ shit moments and really catalog them and kind of replay them. Oh shit that happened on the backside of it, right? So the growth that comes from those moments, you know, in several settings, but that was probably like professionally, that was the one that shook me the most. But had that not happened, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to the ladies today. So Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm. Yeah. Laura: Hmm. That's great. Say that for the good shit, because now I'm going to ask the no shit question. So think of it this way. No shit. What is one boundary you have that I'm not going to cross that. We don't cross that. And again, I'm assuming like doing drugs at work, that's kind of a done no shit. things that you have, who you are, content of character, no shit. Sara Frasca: That's incredible. Laura: I don't put up with that shit. I won't. Either an example of that or like something that happened to you that you're like, ⁓ my gosh, I can't believe it. Like no shit, this really happened in my life or it really happened in my career. Melissa Graham: Hmm, let me see. I think for me the the no shit is has probably More recent right I turned 50 I'm 52 now, but I turned 50 and something clicked and it was like my ... I wasn't burnt out. I wasn't tired. I wasn't you know, wanting to slow down. Cause you know, when I looked at life, thought, man, I am in my prime. It took me 15 years to figure out who I am, what I was good at, what I wasn't good at. But no, you don't get to be disrespectful. Like I think what I, what I allowed in my early years in my career, it's like now I know who I am and I am not to ⁓ back down from that confidence. So I think me, it's a non-negotiable. all get to grow and learn succeed and fail. And we can do independently and together as a group. But what we don't ever get to do is be disrespectful. And that's you know, early on in my career as a photocopy clerk and, you know, rolling into that, I think I tolerated a lot of that because it was the price of growth. And I think I hit a point where I was so settled in who I was that those boundaries are so ⁓ important to me, right? doesn't mean that we don't disagree. It doesn't mean that we don't get upset with each other, but how we interact and how we move with each other is a non-negotiable. Laura: Well, that's a great one and certainly in our world, something that everyone could probably use a little bit of these days. ⁓ But yeah, I mean, no shit. That's a good one. ⁓ Melissa Graham: I think I truly believe that it's hard, right? Because I am not, I am not ⁓ easily offended. ⁓ Those know me well, I use the F word regularly, I'm covered in tattoos, I am not easily offended, but there are certain. Sara Frasca: I love it. Laura: Sure. Melissa Graham: there's just certain ground rules, right? And I think we need to abide by them. And I think as women, it is okay to stand that ground and do it in a way that still, it still honors who you are as a person, right? Laura: And I'm going to go a little, I'm going to ask a little bit on that and go off script, but when disrespect happens, do you feel like, you know, it's innate in you? Like the hairs kind of stick up on the back of your head of like, no, this doesn't feel good. This isn't right. Like, because we've talked about it on this podcast a little bit about women's intuition and our gut and all that. And so I'm just curious of when you're in a situation where that happens. Melissa Graham: Yeah. Laura: Does your gut recognize it before your brain, so to speak? Melissa Graham: I think yes, I think it ⁓ is a reaction, right? It is a, you can feel it. ⁓ But I also think that there's a level of... poise and maturity, that doesn't mean you always have to react to it because a lot of times in life people are looking for the reaction and so sometimes standing my ground and owning who I am is not reacting because that's exactly what you want from me and I'm not gonna give you that. So I think it's Laura: That's it. Melissa Graham: a palpable feeling and then realizing like, hey, is this, know, how do I want to, I get to choose how to react even if that's not reacting, if that makes any sense. Laura: Right, it totally does. Yeah, absolutely. So let's talk about good shit. You've kind of referenced it of the seat that you're seated in from a professional standpoint, but what's some good shit in your life, professionally, personally, that you wanna share? And you could just say, yeah, the sun came up today, that's good shit. Tracy Laskos Hill: Totally. Yeah. Sara Frasca: Great. Melissa Graham: Right? I think that's always a good day. I always tell you I'm on the back nine. So I think the good stuff is there's still a lot of life to live, right? No matter what that's doing. ⁓ You know, I get to wake up every day and come to a job that I absolutely love doing. Does it get crazy sometimes? Yes. But I think there's Laura: Yeah. Sara Frasca: Thank Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Melissa Graham: you get one ride. And so I think the good shit is, you know, the awareness of just living it and no matter what that looks like, right? If that's because, you know, I think for a long time, I used to think, you know, it was, you work too much or you work too hard and that there was a lot of guilt that came with that, right? And my kids are grown and I actually enjoy working. love tinkering on things and ⁓ so I think owning that and loving it and being able to admit that I love it but also being able to admit that I love other things too. Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm-hmm. Laura: Yeah, I agree. And some of that comes with experience and just, I call it the wisdom of the age, right? Like, okay, it's okay to, like you talked about earlier, own the confidence of who you are. And if that's like, I like to go into work, I like to, I call it work my brain. I need to work my brain and I'm a better person because I work my brain. I know that. But yeah, that's good shit. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yep. Yeah. Melissa Graham: Yeah. Yeah. Sara Frasca: you Tracy Laskos Hill: That is really good. So success, mean, Melissa, has been kind of your whole trajectory. And I'm still curious. Your first job was where? Jack in the Box? Okay, can we just like go backwards for a second? I didn't know that story. What's that story? Melissa Graham: ⁓ yeah, ladies. Yeah, yeah, I was 16. Working Jack ⁓ in the box. Yeah. It was so fun. It was fun. ⁓ Listen. Tracy Laskos Hill: Okay. Laura: I've never eaten a jack-o-lantern. Like what is it burgers? Tracy Laskos Hill: It's a self. Melissa Graham: It's it is it Tracy's little West Coast. Anyway, yeah, the tacos don't have real meat in them. And once you clean a milkshake machine, you will never drink a milkshake again. Those are life lessons learned very early. Tracy Laskos Hill: It's a West Coast thing. No. Laura: Wait, we have to asterisk this. We have to asterisk. Allegedly, we love Jack in the Box. We're not accusing you of anything. But keep going. Melissa Graham: Fair, fair, fair. So, yes. And yeah, that was my first job. Sara Frasca: Wow. Tracy Laskos Hill: That's amazing. Laura: How long, okay, now I'm intrigued. How long did you work there and how much per hour did you make? Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Melissa Graham: ⁓ my gosh, it was like $4 and 10 cents. And then I left and then my very first job was a photocopy clerk at a law firm in San Diego. And I had my son by this time. And so I worked at the law firm during the day and then jack in the box at night. It was yeah, it was wild. So ⁓ it was a lot of fun. Tracy Laskos Hill: some serious grit. Melissa Graham: And I think my very first job at a law firm, I was making $6 an hour. And at one point said, if I could just make $10 an hour, we'll never have to worry about anything again. Laura: Yeah. Sara Frasca: That's cute. That's really cute. Where are you from originally? Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Melissa Graham: I'm originally from Born and Raised in San Diego. Yeah, been in Vegas since 2002. Yeah. Sara Frasca: Okay, okay. That's great. And I mean, you have built kind of a boy. mean, I feel like you are synonymous with the Richard Harris law firm. Like it's you've been loyal to them. They've been loyal to you. It's been a long run. Like, yeah, it's really amazing. And you've built a beautiful business as their COO and many other roles. I know, but Bravo. Tracy Laskos Hill: Mmm. Good. Melissa Graham: Yeah. It has been a absolute fun ride with two of the best guys you would ever meet. Sara Frasca: So cool. It's really great. Tracy Laskos Hill: That's really, really good. Melissa, your kids have witnessed you, I mean, as a strong female leader in their life. I'm just curious, you what are they doing and how has that been an example and kind of manifested in their lives? Melissa Graham: So my son is a senior curator at UC Berkeley and my daughter works in the accounting department of the law firm here. I get to see where I'm at. I think there are good parts of it and not so good parts of it. So I think just space and time and life and Tracy Laskos Hill: Hey, fantastic. Laura: Awesome. Melissa Graham: timing required me to probably work more than I would have liked to when my kids are little. ⁓ I think that they could not tell you all the extra things that we bought because we were. extra hours or two jobs, but they certainly can tell you all the things that you missed, right? And so those were struggles, but I think they both came out of it with an absolutely impeccable work ethic that I couldn't ask for two better kids. But I also think that part of that journey shapes the way that I lead the women in my firm to Laura: Mm-hmm. Melissa Graham: to understand that you can do anything that you set your mind to, but... one of the most important jobs you will ever have is to be a mom and show up for your kids. And there's a way to do both. I think there's a way to do both and maybe a way that I didn't. So I think it's been super amazing to be able to show people you can have all the success you want and still be present in your kids' lives. But they're hard workers. Tracy Laskos Hill: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That's fantastic. That's really great. And you do some pretty amazing things inside the law firm for the ladies there, don't you? Laura: That's right. Melissa Graham: Yeah. So I have not done it as of recent, but I had a women's group that would meet once a month and we would get together at my house. And it was just, it was so amazing to see them like outside of the office and to be able to have time to connect as women. Because I think there's a lot of guilt that goes along with wanting a... a ⁓ big career. And so it was a lot of fun. We haven't been able to do it because we are so big now that it's so hard to get everybody in one room together. And we always talk about redoing it. But yes, a lot of years of ⁓ just, you know, building vision boards and Friendsgivings and, you know, White Elephant Christmas parties and, you know. Laura: We'll right back. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah. Yeah. Sara Frasca: Hmm. That's neat. mean, talk a little bit about, if you don't mind, the evolution of women within the industry. Have you seen a change? Melissa Graham: Yes, there's more of us. Yay. I think it is, there has been an evolution. I think that you're starting to see more women fill big seats. And it wasn't that we all of a sudden became more capable, we became more confident. And I think it just has changed. Laura: Yeah. Melissa Graham: But I think a lot of that comes from also believing you can do it, believing that we deserve it and surrounding yourself with women that inspire you to think bigger, to push yourself and to, I think it's easy to get caught up in feeling. sorry for ourselves or comparing ourselves, but when we start focusing on our capabilities and our confidence and how smart we are and you start driving those things, think it, you know, doubt kind of gets left by the wayside. Surround yourself with great women. Tracy Laskos Hill: Absolutely. Yeah. Yes. Laura: Agree. Sara Frasca: it. Laura: But I'm slightly biased being on this podcast. Yes, I agree. Sara Frasca: We do this all the time. We get to talk amongst ourselves. ⁓ I do think having good male partners is a big part of it too. And there's got to be kind of like an equilibrium or some sort of understanding. And I mean, have you found, and it doesn't even have to be the firm that you're in now, but like, again, I'm going to talk industry. Why do you think men have Melissa Graham: Yeah. Sara Frasca: also evolved? Melissa Graham: Yes, yes, I do, I do. Sara Frasca: Mm-hmm. Laura: do you think that they are supportive of the evolution or do think they've kind of just had to come along Tracy Laskos Hill: Hmm. Melissa Graham: Ooh, I think a little bit of both. I think a little bit of both. ⁓ But I also think it's the way we interact, right? I don't believe that it's one or the other, right? I think that you can have very traditional views and very progressive homes and careers. And so I don't think it's that you have to be one or the other. I think it's about being able ⁓ own both roles in as women, it okay to leave your house ⁓ and have masculine energy and run a firm come home and... and allow yourself to lay that down and embrace your feminine side. And where I think we have friends or partners or mentors that encourage and embrace that, I think it creates a space where, you know, your you're allowed to be that way. think, you you see more stay at home dads and for them to have the courage to do that and to realize that, you know, a present dad in the home every day is equally as important as being a stay at home mom. And so I think where we have allowed ourselves to come off of our gender roles without it having some Laura: Mm-hmm. Melissa Graham: negative connotation. think it just allows space for everybody to live in a masculine space and a feminine space and not just because you're the woman and I'm the man and this is the way it has to be. Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm. That's great. I love the way that you articulated that. That's beautiful. ⁓ Melissa, we're kind of coming up on the end, my friend, and we love to do this thing with our guests, and it's just kind of a rapid fire, a list of questions. Are you ready? You open to it? All right. All right. Okay. Okay. So our first one is... ⁓ Melissa Graham: I'm ready. Hold on. Let me get my seatbelt on. Okay, got it. Tracy Laskos Hill: What's a favorite book of yours that's really helped shape you? I mean, you're an avid reader. You just articulated that not long ago. So it's probably a bit difficult, but is there one? Melissa Graham: multipliers. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yes, time fave, Liz Wiseman. Melissa Graham: Yeah. Tracy Laskos Hill: Let's do this, because you said you've got a lot of tattoos. What's your favorite tattoo and what's the meaning behind it? Melissa Graham: ⁓ gosh, Tracy, okay, you have seen all of my tattoos, so you know there's a lot. Yeah, my absolute favorite, well, my absolute favorites are the two that I have that match my kids. But short of that, personal, ⁓ I have a tattoo on my left arm and it starts out as a caterpillar and the branch goes up and there is the cocoon. Laura: you Tracy Laskos Hill: I know, I know one! It's the- Melissa Graham: And at the very top is the monarch. And why it means so much is, ⁓ if you don't know, I will share that if you help a ⁓ butterfly out of its cocoon, it will never fly. And so part of the beauty of life is fighting your way out of that cocoon so you can be that beautiful monarch. So that's the one. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yep. Mm. Yep. Yeah, it's, yeah. Yeah, it's a beautiful story. You do have one of my favorites though, my friend, is The Mermaid. Remember The Mermaid? Laura: Hmm. Sara Frasca: Wow, I didn't know that. Laura: I'm Melissa Graham: Yeah. Laura: Bye. Should we dim the lights? Melissa Graham: Okay, so going back to the mantra, ladies, take a nose this phrase I'm about to say. Sometimes you can't get the mermaid to do the splits. You know? So in leadership, always say people underperform for one of four reasons. Lack of leadership, lack of training. Something's going on at home that's affecting it, or you're not gonna get the mermaid to do the splits. They're just in the wrong seat on the bus. So that is the mermaid. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yep. I love it. Yep. It really, really is. It's simple but profound. yeah, love it. All right. So what is one thing that reliably grounds you when things get a bit heavy? Laura: Love it! That's great! Sara Frasca: very Laura: Mm-hmm. Melissa Graham: the reality of the growth on the backside. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yep, that's good. All right, two more. One thing few people know about you. Melissa Graham: Done. This is the worst. was just at a conference and I said, this is the one that that's what they asked. And I said, the one thing that people don't know, because I sit in a lot of rooms where you have to do icebreakers and share a fun fact. And I would rather dig my eye out with a knitting needle than share a fun fact. And it creates this. Sara Frasca: you Melissa Graham: stress internally that I'm like, ⁓ my gosh, my turn's coming next. My turn's coming next. I don't have a fun fact. I don't have a fun fact. Tracy Laskos Hill: Poor Melissa and here we are asking you all these fun ⁓ Laura: Yeah. Wow. You're doing great. Melissa Graham: As soon as she said it, I was like, oh no. Laura: Hahaha Sara Frasca: Thank you. Tracy Laskos Hill: You're such a good sport. Okay, last one, I promise. Happy hour drink of choice. Laura: Bye. Melissa Graham: Rose all day. Sara Frasca: Mmm. Laura: Ooh, frozen, straight up. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yup. Mm-hmm. Melissa Graham: It doesn't matter if it's the of winter and I should be drinking red wine. I drink rose. Tracy Laskos Hill: Mm-hmm. Sara Frasca: Great. Laura: You were the reason for the trend a few years ago. Melissa Graham: Yes, yes, yes. And I think I own stock in Whispering Angel. I'm pretty sure of it. Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah, totally. You turned me... I was just gonna say... Sara Frasca: you Laura: Okay, that's good. Great. Sara Frasca: That's so cute. Well, it is such a pleasure to see you again. And it is so great to kind of get to know the depth of some of the things that kind of have gotten you through and you are now using to help others. I mean, you're really and truly an amazing leader. We all we know the the impact that you've had on both your firm and the industry and especially on other women. So Thank you for all of that. And thank you for joining us here today just to kind of talk through it. ⁓ I will say it is awesome to have you in kind of this tribe. So I hope we can kind of stay connected, maybe even have you on again. It's really an honor. Well, we'll send you. Melissa Graham: Absolutely. It's been such a pleasure. Thank you guys so much for having me and listening to my stories. Sara Frasca: Yes. Laura: Yeah! Tracy Laskos Hill: Yeah.