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Bonus IMPROV - It's Just How It Is On the East Coast · Very Fine Friends

0:00
welcome to very fine friends bonus bonus i improv i improv too oh shall we both improv yes
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Yes.
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A joke.
0:30
Can we get a suggestion, please?
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Yes.
0:35
Your suggestion is thesis.
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Thesis.
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Like the-sis?
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Mm-hmm.
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Mm-hmm.
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Great wordplay.
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Thanks.
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That doesn't appeal to me at all.
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People are like, oh, I'm working on my thesis because I've been doing this program.
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It's like, ugh.
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That sounds terrible.
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Shut up.
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I don't want to hear about it.
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And I don't want to read it.
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um,
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I,
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yeah,
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don't ask me,
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don't make me listen to you talk about it.
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It's also weird thing.
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Like people have to defend their thesis.
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Like,
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like that's the end of like in college.
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Yeah.
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Like what do you want me to say?
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Read it.
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No,
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the thesis is the defense.
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Yeah.
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That's my whole speech.
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Yeah.
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I'm going to the MU and I'm having a waffle.
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You can argue amongst yourselves.
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Yeah.
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maybe stop being a dick and just read the thing how good is an mu waffle
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and m monsters university waffle wait what's mu that's what they called the student like
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cafeteria asu oh they didn't yeah they had waffles got fat on waffles i'll tell you that
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they were good like an omelet station too my college did not have good food um
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yeah it was very mediocre just like i'm sorry that's okay you okay yeah it's okay it's fine
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did it impact your school your education you think no it didn't oh it was probably better
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that the food was bad yeah you know i'd be like me all fat and waffly i do yeah with butter and
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syrup you do i mean that sounds amazing yeah you do yeah yeah here's my thesis i'll be
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eating waffles. Yeah. Um, it is a weird little system. Just like
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don't just shut up.
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Also I just did all the classes Sorry You don like my one essay Give me my degree Yeah I did all the work I did the tests That my thesis Give me my degree That my thesis Fuck you That my thesis
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Fuck you both.
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Classic.
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And now, improv.
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mom i'm back from school hey oh hey hon hey hey oh wow what an amazing 10 years wow
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yeah 10 10 years is a long time for college honey i know you think i was there i know i know
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what took you so long your father and i were a little worried i was trying real hard mama
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I didn't get it.
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You didn't understand it?
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You didn't understand school?
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No, I didn't get it at my degree.
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What?
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They didn't like my big paper, my big feces.
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Your theses?
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Honey, were you pronouncing it like that?
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Of course, loudly and on microphone.
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You kept, no, you kept saying things like, my theses, my theses.
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Yes.
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There's theses everywhere.
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That's exactly what I said.
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Honey, you know it sounds like feces, right?
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No, it doesn't.
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Yeah, it does. It sounds exactly like when you say it like that.
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No, it's not even the same. I even was like, I thesiccated everywhere.
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You thesiccated?
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Yeah, I was disseminating my theses.
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Honey, honey, honey. This might be part of your problem. They probably thought you were just incontinent.
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Oh, well, I don't know what to do now. I mean...
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You gotta go back, honey.
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I can't go back.
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You ever heard of the sunk cost fallacy?
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No, it doesn't exist.
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That's why you haven't heard of it.
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Okay.
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So you've spent 10 years trying to get something.
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I'm real close.
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That time is not going to be wasted.
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You're going to go ahead and keep putting good money after good.
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Okay.
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I'm willing to try.
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Anything for my degree.
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Honey, what is going on with your speech?
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I...
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What do you mean?
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It's just how it is on the East Coast.
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Okay, well, honey, I'm sending you back.
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And like I said when you were 18 and I sent you out there the first time,
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I'll see you when you get a degree.
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You can come back then Until then I don want to see you Okay Thanks Mama All right Back at school Dean
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Yes, this is Dean Whitaker.
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Open the door.
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Okay.
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Well, you could open it.
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It's unlocked.
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Just come on it.
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My Mama sent me back.
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Okay.
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She said I'm here to get a degree.
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She said we're paying good money.
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Yes.
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Yeah, you are.
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10 years, that's a lot.
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You're not even halfway through your credits.
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Really?
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I told her I had one thing left to do.
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I'm really not even halfway?
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I'm looking at it right here.
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It's been 10 years.
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You look at the notes in your file here.
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Ah, the notes.
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Yes.
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Yeah, that brings me to my next point.
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you have mispronounced everything to the point of extreme confusion to all of your teachers.
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I'm sorry, were you trying to say no?
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I thought I did.
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No.
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My mind is blown.
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Now, what was the one thing you thought you had left to do?
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My theses.
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Wait, I don't want to hear about that, son.
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Come on, I've been holding it in.
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I need you to look at my feces.
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I don't want to look at that.
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Oh, that was a Freudian slip.
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Oh, I said Freudian.
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I'm not all gone.
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Please, Dean Whitaker.
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Please.
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No, I'm not.
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That's uncouth.
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What would Mama Whitaker say?
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Your mom?
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No, that's what I call my wife.
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I know.
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We have a weird relationship.
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I don't know what she'd say.
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Please.
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I can't.
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She'd say that's untoward, boy.
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Untoward?
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Untoward.
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She'd say that?
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Yes. Maybe she could take a look at my theses.
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Don't you dare show my wife your thesis.
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It's healthy.
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I don't care how solid it is.
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I don't want to look at it.
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Please.
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There's no defense of something like that, young man.
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Okay, I just have to go to plan B.
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That's right.
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It's a stapler.
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I'm putting all my pages together in order.
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You just cocked a stapler.
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I cocked you.
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Sorry, I told you it was not.
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Yes I did Yes I did and I cock you No Yes you going to get my cock Dean Whitaker please
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I'm 28.
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I've been here 10 years.
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Apparently, I've done next to nothing.
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I spent a lot of time on this paper.
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Okay.
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Just read the first page and you'll be blown away.
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Make you a deal.
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Okay.
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If you're blown away, I get my degree.
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If you're not blown away, I'll leave school.
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You know what?
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I think that's as fine a deal as I've ever gotten.
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Let's shake on it.
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Here we are.
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All right.
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Ooh, your hand is wet.
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Thank you.
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Okay.
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Here goes.
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This is for your future.
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Oh, I'm sitting down.
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That's it.
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Uh-huh.
8:39
Ooh.
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Uh-huh.
8:40
Yeah.
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Oh.
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oh no
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what
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what
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what
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what
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oh
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I see what you're doing here
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what
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what
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no
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oh
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oh
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oh
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oh
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Oh, God.
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Yes.
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Oh.
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Oh.
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Oh.
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I'm crying too.
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Yes.
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Wow.
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Okay.
9:25
Okay.
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Well.
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Yes, Dean?
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I gotta say, that was a real roller coaster.
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Yeah, yeah.
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But in the end, you convinced me.
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You did it, boy.
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I now understand.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
9:51
Yeah, yeah.
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Why we should be pronouncing things the way you say.
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It's weird to have gotten all that from reading it and not hearing it, but I got it.
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Also, it's two-ply.
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And scene.
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We'll see you next time.