Latest / The BIG Home Ed Conversations | Home Education / Get Your Head Straight to Home Ed – Ep 2: Finding Your “Why” & Creating Your Unique Home Education Philosophy

Transcript

Get Your Head Straight to Home Ed – Ep 2: Finding Your “Why” & Creating Your Unique Home Education Philosophy · The BIG Home Ed Conversations | Home Education

0:17
Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of the get your
0:20
head straight to home Ed summer series.
0:22
Now my name is Kelly Rigg. I'm one of the people who the Co
0:26
hosts of the big home Ed conversations and I'm also a
0:29
mindset coach. I work with parents as they
0:31
transition to home education, overcoming all of the joyful
0:35
little issues that we tend to come up against.
0:37
The mental headspace issues, the fears, the expectations, the
0:42
realities, all of the sort of trappings that stop us from
0:45
actually jumping 2 feet in and feeling confident as we begin.
0:50
Now for a lot of us, when we start home educating, we're
0:52
doing so from a place of taking them from school and starting
0:55
fresh with a whole new family ethos and lifestyle.
0:58
But so many of us have no idea really how to make sure that we
1:01
really embody the lifestyle that we actually wanted to have.
1:04
And I have to apologize. It feels like the world today is
1:06
desperately trying to interject into my podcast.
1:09
I've had so many like train horns going off and the dog
1:11
whoofing and goodness knows what else.
1:13
I've attempted to start this at least five times.
1:14
So we're just going to roll with it.
1:15
And I do apologize for the brief interjections of the world
1:20
around us. We're just going to be keeping
1:21
it real today. Now, last time we did
1:24
deschooling and deregistering. So that was the first episode
1:27
that we did was was kind of covering that initial kind of
1:30
what are these things? What do we mean by that?
1:32
This episode we're going to be talking about what are you doing
1:35
this? Like, what is the reasons?
1:37
Where is this coming from? What you're hoping to achieve?
1:39
What are some of the feelings and and fears and anxieties,
1:42
whatever you might have kind of hang ups hanging around this
1:44
right now? Next week we're going to be or
1:47
next time we do one anyway, they're not exactly coming out
1:49
weekly. We're going to be talking about
1:51
how we don't forget you, that actually you matter you and your
1:54
partner if they're involved in this situation and obviously
1:57
making sure that you both retain you in this conversation and we
2:01
don't lose that. And lastly, we're going to be
2:04
coming on to the non negotiables of your family values, how you
2:07
actually want to be trying to move things forward and how
2:10
we're going to make sure we really cement those and get them
2:12
right. Now getting into today's topic,
2:17
what might really surprise you is that actually when I first
2:20
asked myself the question of why are you doing this?
2:22
Like, why is this so important to you?
2:25
There was a lot of reasons and, and one of them was the reasons
2:27
we're talking about in the last episode is that kind of concept
2:30
of my son was a lot happier during COVID.
2:32
He was a lot calmer. He was more engaged, he was more
2:35
creative. So was I, we, we minimized the
2:37
pressures and demands of the outside world and suddenly we
2:40
were thriving. We're actually having a
2:42
brilliant time learning together.
2:44
But also I hadn't really fully formed my kind of, I don't know,
2:50
my dis disillusionment with the school system back then.
2:55
All I could feel was a sense of disconnect.
2:57
I could just sense that it wasn't quite what we wanted,
2:59
that I wanted to spend more time with my kids, but I didn't want
3:02
them away from me five days a week.
3:04
I wanted to see them meet their developmental milestones.
3:07
And actually I just, I'm a bit of a rebel and I just wanted to
3:10
try something different. I wanted a different lifestyle.
3:12
I wanted flexibility. I wanted to travel when we
3:15
wanted. I wanted to see friends when we
3:16
wanted. I wanted to sleep and eat and
3:18
rest when we wanted. And I wanted to let learning
3:20
happen on its own schedule. And over time, I have developed
3:24
a heck of a lot more opinions and have solidified my
3:28
understanding of the agenda behind the school system and the
3:31
types of learning styles and methods they use in schools and
3:34
the testing and all the other things which have definitely led
3:37
me to feeling confident in my decision.
3:39
But ultimately, the first things I wanted was a lifestyle shift.
3:43
I wanted to feel in control of our family and to know that we
3:48
had choices and to not feel like we're beholden to somebody
3:50
else's. Now you may have those reasons,
3:55
you may have 50,000 other ones and I'd really love you to reach
3:59
out and tell me what they are. I'd love to hear what's going on
4:01
for you right now. I do offer a free 30 minute
4:04
clarity call, which helps anybody if you just want to have
4:06
a quick chat with someone. No pressure at all to do
4:08
anything further after that. But do reach out, pop me an
4:10
e-mail. I've had a few people send me an
4:12
e-mail already actually off the back of grabbing the workbook
4:13
that's associated with this series.
4:15
So there is also that to go and grab as well if you want to.
4:17
It's got loads of extra questions.
4:18
You can work through either alone, with your family, with
4:21
your partner, whoever matters and to help you kind of really
4:24
work your way through this. But hopefully you'll get a lot
4:27
out of these episodes too. So essentially, there's lots of
4:31
different reasons why we might be motivated to choose home
4:34
education, but the question why are you doing this is
4:37
multifaceted. Now, I know that you are going
4:40
to be having a lot of feelings around this and it might be
4:43
really positive and I hope it is.
4:45
But I also know that there's going to be some trappings.
4:47
There's going to be some guilt, there's going to be some fear.
4:50
I know that when I first started out, I googled the questions,
4:53
will they have friends? Will they still be able to do
4:56
their exams one day? Will they still be able to go on
4:58
to university? Like will this limit them in
5:01
some ways? Actually, the answer is a lot of
5:03
the time that actually universities love home educated
5:05
kids. And I've actually spoken to some
5:06
university professors who have reaffirmed this as well.
5:11
We've also got the concept of kind of like, will they have
5:14
successful careers? Will they be able to go on to do
5:16
whatever they wanna do? Does it matter if they don't
5:18
meet these timelines head on? Like if they don't do their
5:20
GCSEs at 16, et cetera, et cetera.
5:22
Like I asked all these questions.
5:24
I was scared about them too. And ultimately there are so many
5:27
great kind of groups and communities and people out there
5:30
who ultimately reassured me initially that that was the
5:33
case. But since then, I've actually
5:35
stumbled across a number of people who were home educated in
5:39
their adult life. Like I'm meeting them in their
5:41
adult life and talking to them and finding out that actually
5:43
they had a great time and they loved home education and it
5:45
really meant a lot to them. And that they've obviously gone
5:47
on to do really passionate things and have gone on to be
5:49
really successful in their own rights.
5:51
It's helped to constantly reassure me as I've come up
5:53
against these roadblocks. And I guess all I can do right
5:55
now is to kind of try and say to you that these are things which
5:58
you don't need to worry about. You just need to be proactive
6:01
and support them and encourage them along the way.
6:03
And that they will absolutely be able to access everything that a
6:06
child going to school would be able to access.
6:09
Now. I saw a fantastic post the other
6:11
day that really made me stop and go.
6:13
That is a great way of putting it.
6:14
I'll have to find out who it was and make sure I mention them in
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the description. But essentially they said, how
6:21
long would it be if schools became compulsory from six
6:24
months? How long would it take for us as
6:27
a community to believe that children only learnt to walk if
6:30
they went to school? And it really made me think,
6:33
gosh, yes, that's exactly right. Like we've actually really
6:36
started to believe that if children don't go to school,
6:39
they won't learn to read. That they need a qualified
6:41
teacher to help them learn these things that they absolutely
6:44
cannot be trusted to learn all by themselves.
6:46
That they will not be curious and open minded and wanting to
6:48
do things by themselves. This in itself is a fantastic
6:51
limiting belief to kind of come back around to because actually
6:54
when you think about the environment of school and the
6:57
type of learning in school and the intentional intention behind
6:59
it, obviously to try and get them to learn a set criteria of
7:02
things and they have to do it by a certain time, they have to be
7:05
tested on it and checked if they know it and blah, blah.
7:07
That format of learning, it was often quite unpleasant for a lot
7:11
of us, right? That we actually found that
7:12
quite stressful and quite worrying.
7:14
We felt a lot of extrinsic motivation, worried about what
7:16
other people thought of us as opposed to what we thought of
7:18
ourselves. And Bridget Phillipson actually
7:20
did a post recently where she was talking about four year olds
7:22
not being quite ready for school because they couldn't sit down
7:25
and follow instructions, etcetera.
7:26
And I found myself thinking that she was saying how they're not
7:29
ready to learn. They're coming into school not
7:31
ready to learn. And the truth is that I think
7:33
they've completely lost sight of the fact that human beings are
7:36
innately curious creatures. You cannot stop a child
7:40
learning, right? They want to learn.
7:42
They want to learn all the things and they want to learn
7:44
about so many cool things. And they've got 1000 questions a
7:47
day if they are given an environment that inspires them
7:50
to be curious. And I couldn't help but comment
7:52
on her post saying if you can't get children to learn in your
7:55
schools, it is absolutely nothing, nothing to do with the
7:58
kids. I can promise you now, so
8:01
ultimately we know that our kids are incredible creatures.
8:05
We love them very much and we have their best in mind at all
8:09
times. We want to support them.
8:10
We want to see them thrive and grow and be happy and successful
8:14
in all the ways that matters. And what we really have to start
8:18
doing here is breaking this down.
8:19
There's a number of different angles to come at this question
8:22
from, so let's try and cover some of those off the why are
8:26
you doing this? So we've got to think about it
8:29
from a education perspective. Let's let's go there first.
8:33
Why are we trying to home educate at home?
8:36
Number one, a lot of us start there.
8:38
Why are we educating in a different way?
8:40
And that's going to need to be because you've fallen out of
8:42
love with the school system. Maybe you are completely
8:44
disillusioned by it. Maybe you've been a teacher and
8:47
you've seen it and you don't like it.
8:48
Maybe actually you don't have a strong feeling about how schools
8:52
teach, but actually you just really want to enjoy their
8:54
milestones, that you want to enjoy seeing them meet all those
8:57
different levels. So ask yourself that question
9:01
occasionally. Why are you doing this?
9:03
Like what is the main reasons for you?
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And ultimately, I really want to stress that pretty much whatever
9:09
you think here is fine. Like it's completely fine.
9:11
The only things that I would maybe be wary of is because you
9:15
want them to be super duper successful, that you want them
9:17
to be the most incredibly intelligent people on the planet
9:21
because you are going to 1 to one, help them to really digest
9:24
1,000,001 book today. And it's all going to be
9:25
incredible that we have got to be realistic and we have got to
9:28
remember that children are children and they're still going
9:30
to want to learn what they want to learn.
9:32
And that we need to make sure that we're really conscious that
9:34
the goal of education isn't just financial success and it isn't
9:37
just relationship success. It isn't just being able to buy
9:40
their own house one day or independence and being able to
9:43
leave home and be confident on their own.
9:45
It's actually a million. And one of the things as well,
9:48
our education encompasses our mental health, our general
9:52
Wellness, our ability to cope with difficult challenges, our
9:56
ability to enter into the community and to function.
9:58
It's also going to be about kind of the, the relationship they
10:02
have with their kids one day, their ability to manage their
10:04
own finances and etcetera, etcetera.
10:06
There's, there's so many facets to this that ultimately we as
10:10
parents are already responsible for an awful lot of these
10:13
outside of their schooling career.
10:14
So most of this isn't new to us anyway.
10:16
But what we have to remember is that home education as it
10:20
encompasses all of their education, you're essentially
10:22
thinking about every single bit of information that will allow
10:25
them to go on to be generally successful, happy and good
10:28
lives. And that despite all of your
10:32
best efforts, you are not ultimately responsible for that.
10:35
That they are an individual human being.
10:37
They're going to go off into the world, they're going to live
10:39
their lives, they're going to make mistakes.
10:41
They're going to mess up relationships, they're going to
10:43
mess up jobs. They're going to end up flat on
10:45
their backsides sometimes. And sure, you might pick them
10:48
back up and dust them off and help to get them going again.
10:51
There might be all kinds of touch points where you're doing
10:54
that for them. But ultimately, they are then
10:57
going to go on to be responsible for their own life.
10:59
And that's all you're already there to do is to guide and
11:02
facilitate and support as much as you can and offer opportunity
11:05
to help them to do what they will with the life that they
11:08
have been given on this planet. Coming back to the question, why
11:11
are you doing this? Why does it matter to you?
11:15
What is it that is really getting to you right now?
11:18
What are you worried about? What are the struggles that you
11:20
are facing as a parent? Why are you finding yourself
11:24
wanting to pull them out of school?
11:25
Because you may even have resistance from them.
11:27
They may not even want to, but you may have very, very good
11:30
reasons as to why you are. Maybe they're being bullied.
11:32
Maybe you can see that they're unhappy.
11:34
Maybe you can see that they're not on a good trajectory.
11:37
Maybe you want something different for them.
11:38
You want them to have an opportunity that is different.
11:41
Now, My son, he was only literally 4 when we first
11:44
started, but all of his friends were going to school.
11:47
He was at a nursery. So he'd seen all the teachers
11:49
coming in from the local schools meeting the kids.
11:52
And you know what they've been doing?
11:53
And I didn't realize this at the time, but they had been
11:55
segregating him. They had been moving him out of
11:57
the way and not like participating him in the any of
12:00
these conversations about school.
12:01
And they had been making him feel really weird and lonely and
12:05
isolated because he was the only one in his nursery who was going
12:08
to be home educated at the time. So when I found out, obviously I
12:11
was furious. And I said to them, you do
12:13
understand what you're doing, don't you?
12:15
You're basically like, you're isolating him from the
12:18
conversation about what the next steps of his education look
12:21
like. You're not talking about home
12:23
education. You're acting like it doesn't
12:24
even exist when he's asking about school.
12:26
You're just trying to deflect the conversation and not have it
12:28
with him because you just don't understand it.
12:30
Why not get curious and ask me some questions Now?
12:32
Obviously, I helped to try and educate them at the time and I
12:36
obviously worked to speak to him a lot in the times around school
12:38
and from nursery story when he was nervous and he was worried.
12:41
He didn't know what it meant. And he was like, I want to go to
12:43
school with my friends and I'm just like, OK #1 like we're in a
12:47
slightly different catchment anyway.
12:48
So none of the kids that go to this nursery would be actually
12:52
going to the school that you would be going to if you went to
12:54
school. But also at that point, being an
12:57
adult and recognizing what I could recognize and seeing his
13:00
needs as I saw them, I made a decision for him.
13:04
And initially he wasn't very happy with me for it.
13:07
And he did think that I was being weird, that I've just
13:09
taken him out of school, that he wanted to go to school.
13:11
That's what everybody does. He'd just been dragged along
13:14
with the the kind of tide of what happens next, like we all
13:17
tend to do. And what I did was I and very,
13:21
very quickly immersed us in the home Ed community.
13:24
So I took him straight out to go and meet other home educators at
13:27
home Ed meetups, at parks, at museums, at all kinds of
13:31
different places. And we started going regularly
13:33
so that he started to make some friends.
13:35
And within about two or three weeks of schools being started
13:38
and him not at school, he was happy and enjoying himself.
13:43
And we had stepped up just gently and started doing some
13:45
extra little baths in reading and bits and pieces.
13:47
But ultimately, we were just focused on building our
13:50
community and making sure that he had some people around him,
13:52
and I did too. That helped to reassure us and
13:55
make us feel like we're on the right path.
13:57
And oddly enough, within a few months of starting, we had to go
14:00
and pick up my friend's son from school.
14:04
And he was so excited. My son was so excited to get to
14:07
go inside the school gates to go and see what it was like in
14:10
there, to look around, to notice what was going on.
14:13
And we picked him up and he was full of questions he was asking
14:15
his friend, like, what's it like in there?
14:17
What do you do all day? What's, what do you get to do?
14:20
What, what are you learning about blah, blah, blah.
14:22
And you know, what was really fascinating is his friend
14:24
obviously stood there was like, well, we get in, we go for a
14:27
run. We have to run a mile around the
14:28
playground. Then we go in and we have
14:30
assemblies. You have to sit down and listen
14:31
to that. And then we go to class and then
14:33
we have to don't like do this, this, this, this and this.
14:35
And if we've done all of our reading, then we're allowed to
14:38
go and sit on the mat and look at other books.
14:40
And he goes, you're not allowed to look at the other books
14:42
unless you've done your reading. And he was like, no, like, you
14:45
have to do your reading 1st. And he was like, what?
14:47
Like, And it was so interesting watching his reaction to his
14:52
friends being like, this isn't what I thought it was going to
14:55
be. And obviously it LED to some
14:57
great conversations in our private life about how we
14:59
obviously get to flexibly pick and choose what we want to do
15:01
and how we want to learn and what subjects we want to cover
15:03
and how much more control he's got over his education.
15:07
And very quickly, he did start to say, OK, this, this is
15:10
better. This feels good.
15:11
This is exactly what I wanted. And so he's had a few other
15:14
touch points like that where we have had other experiences with
15:17
children who go to school telling him about their
15:19
experiences. And it's really helped to
15:21
reassure him over time that the decision was the right one.
15:24
And certainly if you ask them now if they'd like to go to
15:26
school that they typically say no, they wouldn't.
15:28
Now, I do not spend a lot of time encouraging them to think
15:31
badly about school. I certainly don't talk about it
15:33
in a negative way. And if I do talk about it, then
15:35
I just say, look, this is just like lots of people love it
15:38
there. It's really exciting because the
15:40
truth is we never know what life will do to us.
15:42
We don't know if help us to get terminally ill, for example.
15:45
They might have to go. There might be things down the
15:46
line that changes our trajectory.
15:49
But ultimately, every year that they get to spend free living
15:53
this life, learning what they want to learn and following
15:56
their own trajectory feels good to me and hopefully builds that
15:58
foundation for owning their own learning and wanting to do more
16:02
with it. Now, your motivations and your
16:05
reasons may be very different. You might find yourself
16:08
listening to that thinking like actually, you really don't want
16:11
to pull them out of school because they've got lots of
16:13
established friendships already. They feel really unsettled by
16:15
the idea that actually maybe you're dealing with some really
16:17
challenging behaviours around school and the concept of having
16:20
them home is really scary. Really try and have a think
16:23
about kind of like, again, why are you doing this?
16:26
What, what are your real reasons?
16:28
And try and hold faith to some of them.
16:31
Some of them are going to feel swayed by so many people.
16:34
You're going to have lots of people's opinions and ideas and
16:36
thoughts, including your child's possibly trying to sway you in
16:39
another direction. But try and have faith that
16:43
you're listening to someone who knows.
16:44
I've seen many, many, many different types of children
16:46
coming into the homemade community from school with
16:49
various different backgrounds and all the rest of it.
16:51
And they will find friends and they will find success in their
16:54
own way. And with some time spent de
16:56
schooling and sort of getting kind of schooling mindsets out
16:59
of your head, you will find a really great rhythm with their
17:02
learning. And chances are they will then
17:04
continue to then go on to be really happy and to really enjoy
17:07
their home education process. But I can't obviously speak for
17:09
every child. And you have to know them best.
17:11
And if you find yourself thinking that actually your gut
17:13
is saying to you that they don't want to be out of school, then
17:16
maybe there's other ways to support them more around their
17:19
schooling to ensure that they're able to access school and also
17:23
access some more child LED kind of regulating activities that
17:27
help them to feel a bit more in control of their lifestyle and
17:30
what they want to achieve. Now, the other kind of elements
17:35
around kind of like why are you doing this may come down to
17:38
lifestyle choices, travel, finances, all kinds of different
17:41
things. But I just want you to sit there
17:43
and just really keep asking yourself the question over and
17:45
over and over again. Write down your reasons and just
17:49
reflect on them for a little bit.
17:50
And I want you to just start to get curious.
17:52
The reason why we're doing that is to kind of go, OK, I am
17:56
choosing to do this because I believe that this is going to be
18:00
the correct, like this is going to be right for us.
18:02
Why do I think that? What is it that I'm worried
18:05
about? What are some of the things,
18:07
what are the fears that I'm facing right now?
18:09
And this is where working with a coach can really help because
18:11
obviously I can help to prompt you and guide you through a
18:13
conversation like that through your mind as you're coming up
18:15
against the challenges. So if you're listening to this
18:17
thinking this is great, but actually to do this myself, I'm
18:20
just really not able to access the reasons.
18:22
I can't think why. Then book in one of those quick
18:25
half an hour calls with me. Let's have a chat.
18:27
Because ultimately, it really helps sometimes to break these
18:30
down and to start to see where they're coming from.
18:33
And it really helps you to then start to reframe them and look
18:35
forward and actually go, OK, This is why this is what we're
18:37
doing next. Now, what I really want you to
18:40
do as an exercise is your homework off the back of this is
18:43
to just take a pause and imagine first of all, like, so imagine
18:50
your perfect day. So this is what we're going to
18:52
move on to next. What we're wary of expectations
18:54
versus reality here. That is very important.
18:57
We all know that a perfect day that doesn't always end up being
18:59
very perfect at all. But I want you to just have a
19:02
think for a minute about say, for example, you are on holiday
19:06
with your kids, you are in a good mood.
19:08
You're you're about a weekend, right?
19:10
Like you've had a good rest, you've had lots of food made for
19:12
you. You haven't had to make a bet,
19:14
even if this has never happened to you.
19:15
Just try and bear with me on this.
19:16
Just try and imagine it, just for a second.
19:18
What would your perfect day with your kids look like?
19:22
Your perfect lifestyle day? What would it look like?
19:24
Would it look like getting up when you're ready to get up?
19:27
Would it look like being able to stay in your pajamas for a
19:29
little while in the morning without having to rush to get
19:31
dressed? Would it look like being able to
19:33
have a really lovely family breakfast and to talk about
19:35
something really interesting over breakfast, maybe listen to
19:37
the news and to discuss what's going on in the world?
19:40
Would it be reading a book whilst they're eating their
19:41
breakfast and chatting to them about something really
19:43
interesting? Could it be discussing your day
19:46
ahead and where you're going to go and the adventures you're
19:47
going to have and what they're interested in right now and just
19:49
listening to them chat about their dreams they had last night
19:51
and stuff they've been working on the coloring picture they've
19:54
been working on that morning. Like what is it like?
19:55
What does that morning breakfast time look like?
19:58
Does it look like getting up and outside really early?
20:00
Does it? Does it look like going for?
20:02
Musical hike before the sun's even fully up.
20:04
Like what? What does your perfect morning
20:06
look like? Then I want you to think about
20:08
kind of what you would then go on to do that day.
20:10
What would your best day out look like?
20:12
Would it be going to a theme park?
20:14
Would it be going to the beach? Would it be just going for a
20:16
beautiful walk around a local lake?
20:17
Would it be hanging out at home watching movies and chilling and
20:21
eating popcorn and laughing and doing puzzles together?
20:23
Like what looks great to you? And I just want you to imagine
20:27
that day. Imagine you are experiencing
20:29
that day and you might have several different days.
20:33
I mean, all of those might sound great to you.
20:34
They do to me. But you might find yourself
20:36
thinking, OK, this is this is what I imagine it would look
20:38
like. And now I want you to weave the
20:40
home Ed into it. I want you to weave the
20:42
conversation topics, the little bit of maths.
20:44
You might do a little bit of maths worksheets or maybe it's
20:47
doing an online app or maybe it's going and doing some fun
20:50
maths hopscotch in the park. Maybe it's putting a load of
20:52
different shaped balls and things, different weighted balls
20:55
on a roundabout and spinning it to see which one flies off
20:57
first. Like whatever it is that you
21:00
find yourself thinking about here, like let's try and weave
21:02
in some fun science experiments, some art when you're going out
21:06
for a walk. Like take a pen and paper and go
21:08
and draw some leaf shapes. Maybe you might take a guide
21:11
book with you so you can spot butterflies.
21:13
Maybe you might just be having a chat in the car about what all
21:16
the road signs mean and how you drive and what you're looking
21:20
for when you're driving and why we drive on the left side and
21:23
blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, have a think about how you
21:25
might weave the life lessons into those days, the experience
21:30
into those days. Look at how like when I given
21:32
those examples, look at how natural and gently they might be
21:36
interwoven. They certainly don't have to
21:38
look like a formal curriculum sat at a desk covering those
21:42
subjects and drawing them out and all the rest of it at a
21:44
table around the dining room table.
21:46
But your day might include a little bit of that.
21:48
It might include over breakfast that you will sit and do
21:50
something like that just to kind of cover off a little bit of a
21:52
topic. Then you get outside and you go
21:54
look for some whatever it might be.
21:56
OK, try and just have a little think about how home Med might
21:59
weave into that. And I just want you to visualize
22:01
that day, and I want you to visualize then how you feel in
22:05
that day. Do you feel empowered?
22:07
Do you feel excited? Do you feel calm?
22:10
Do you feel anxious? Do you feel like there's loads
22:13
of stress and we must do more? Like I really don't know if
22:16
we're doing enough. What feelings are attached to
22:19
that day? I really hope that if it's a
22:20
beautiful day that you've created the absolute ideal in
22:23
your head, that it will be filled with empowerment and
22:25
excitement and nourishment and curiosity and helping you to
22:30
kind of see that actually all of these things are possible.
22:33
Now. We're going to take that and
22:36
we're just going to have a quick expectations versus reality
22:38
check in. And we're going to say that
22:40
actually one of your kids isn't getting along with it that day.
22:43
And everything that you've tried to put on, they are not
22:46
responding well to. And you're feeling a little bit
22:48
like they are kind of dragging it down that actually you've got
22:51
this amazing idea in your head of what it was going to look
22:53
like and it isn't working out that way.
22:54
And I want you to just remember that these days happen a lot.
22:59
And actually you will find that an awful lot of days don't quite
23:02
follow the pattern that you maybe thought they were going to
23:04
and that that is OK. But it's still OK that home
23:08
education doesn't mean it isn't right.
23:10
And it isn't going to work. If actually most days you have
23:13
an intention to cover, say three things and you're only cover 2.
23:17
It doesn't matter if actually you have to move house and for
23:20
two or three weeks you have to put home Med down in the formal
23:23
sense entirely. You may have to do that
23:25
sometimes. You may make it sick, they may
23:27
get sick. Things come up, stuff happens.
23:30
We have to remember that school as it stands at the moment works
23:35
out to be something like obviously over an entire year.
23:38
If you spread out an entire school year over a proper year,
23:42
so 365 days, and you took away all of the downtime, the messing
23:46
about, the sorting out pencil cases, the playtime, all the
23:49
rest of it. Take all of that away.
23:51
There's a teacher who did this and she's done a great article
23:53
on it, which essentially comes around to it basically boils
23:56
down to 45 minutes per day of structured learning.
23:59
If you spread it out over 365 days.
24:02
Now that is tiny. It's a tiny amount of actual
24:05
time spent fully concentrating on learning.
24:09
And this is important. We have to remember this because
24:12
we worry about offering a full time education to our children,
24:15
thinking it needs to be like 30 hours a week every single week
24:18
without fail. And that's just not true.
24:21
Even in school, they're not having that much concentrating
24:25
learning time. A lot of it is buffer time.
24:27
It is the transitioning between different things and activities
24:30
and tasks and getting out pencil cases and stopping someone
24:33
messing about and listening to the teacher explain it and then
24:35
having to go by themselves and having it marked in that at the
24:38
end. And remember, there are days and
24:40
days and days of the school year that are spent doing fun word
24:43
searches and colouring sheets and watching a movie in the end,
24:47
last couple of days of term, right?
24:49
Like so there is all kinds of fun that goes on in schools as
24:52
well. That means that actually a lot
24:54
of those hours that we really would consider to be learning
24:56
time aren't actually spent doing really focused active learning.
25:00
So realistically, even days or even weeks went by where very
25:05
little seem to be happening. I can almost guarantee you on
25:08
reflection, you'll see an awful lot of independent learning
25:10
happening and curiosity and things that they'll be doing
25:13
themselves. But ultimately have some faith,
25:16
like expectations versus reality.
25:19
I've done a whole episode on this before.
25:21
Like we believe it to be a certain thing and we can
25:23
sometimes see it turning into something else, and that can be
25:25
really scary. But it will keep evolving.
25:27
It will keep changing. You'll keep tweaking.
25:29
You'll notice the challenges you're having and you'll rise to
25:31
them. And I know this because to
25:33
choose to home educate, this does not take a parent who's not
25:36
interested in rising a home education is a parent who
25:40
someone who wants to do something really great with
25:42
their life. They want better for their
25:44
family. They want to make sure that they
25:47
are actually living it and enjoying it and want to take the
25:50
bull by the horns. So I know that if you're
25:52
considering home education, that you're already one of those
25:54
people, even if you feel like you aren't.
25:57
And trust me, just this morning, I didn't feel like I was for a
25:59
minute. I had a bit of a cry.
26:01
I was a bit fed up. I'm dealing with a very
26:04
neurodivergent family. We have days when we wind each
26:07
other up chronically. Definitely.
26:10
It's really hard. But ultimately, it didn't lead
26:13
to a day that was a complete and utter failure.
26:16
There is no such thing. Like every day is just a day,
26:19
and it progresses gently and consistently towards a future
26:23
that ultimately we have no exact idea what that will be.
26:27
And we're just doing our best to to fill in the blanks and to
26:29
offer our kids as much support with the curiosities they hold
26:32
as humanly possible. So have some faith, but also try
26:37
and really be conscious of that kind of imagine that peaceful
26:40
day, but also take your time to consider what are some of the
26:43
things that might go wrong? What are some of the things that
26:45
might bother you and and start to mentally kind of think, OK,
26:48
well, how would we handle that? Like what would we do?
26:50
And start to have some compassion for yourself and for
26:53
your kids. That flexibility is a huge part
26:56
of what home education looks like.
26:58
Now, the last bit of this homework is to simply just try
27:03
and take pause and note down your hopes and your dreams.
27:06
I want you to put down your hopes and your dreams for your
27:08
kids, for your family, and for you.
27:12
I don't think I need to explain what I mean by this too deeply,
27:15
but I want you to just top level.
27:17
What are you hoping for? And try not to make these too
27:21
lofty. We don't want our kids to
27:23
necessarily go off and be able to have their own home, have
27:26
their own car, to have a successful marriage.
27:28
Like we're not in charge of any of those things, OK?
27:30
They can be hopes and dreams we have for them for sure, but we
27:33
can't take responsibility for them.
27:35
These things are things which will happen or they won't, and
27:37
we can guide them and support them as much as we can along the
27:39
way. But I don't want you to start
27:40
taking responsibility for all these things.
27:43
I just want you to allow them to help.
27:44
To form the dream. To help you to actually picture
27:47
what your home Ed days would look like.
27:48
If you want your child to feel happy more of the time than you
27:52
manage to feel happy, then maybe it's just about helping them to
27:54
build self acceptance and love. To work on their mental health
27:58
and Wellness. To actually teach them some of
28:00
the tools that have helped you in adulthood to overcome
28:02
disappointment and doubt and and self flagellation that we have
28:06
to do every day. And a bit of breath work, a bit
28:08
of mindfulness, helping to show them the beauty in living a
28:12
slightly slower life, whatever it might be.
28:14
Try and think about the fact that happiness as well.
28:18
If happiness becomes one of those that actually happiness is
28:21
not a fixed state that we can be generally content with the life
28:25
that we have. But I can promise you no matter
28:27
how content we are, there are always going to be things which
28:30
bother us and frustrate us and that we may be working to try
28:32
and resolve. So try and remember that no
28:35
matter how beautiful a life you create for your children and no
28:38
matter how beautiful a life you envision for them, that the road
28:41
there is not smooth and straight.
28:43
And that's OK. It's supposed to be messy.
28:45
It's supposed to be meandering. It's not going to be a one like
28:49
A to B nice and simple. And if it is, then like lucky
28:53
you, but I know that's certainly not what it looks like for me.
28:55
So try and make a note, think about the hopes and the dreams
29:00
for all of you and have this as a family discussion.
29:02
What do they hope for you? What do they want to see for you
29:05
as well? Like we want to know, right?
29:07
Because actually this is a family ethos.
29:09
This is something which all of you are embarking on as a
29:12
journey together. It's not just about education.
29:16
It is 100% about a whole lifestyle shift and that can
29:19
sound really like scary at times, but it's not.
29:22
It's truly beautiful and it's a great opportunity for you as a
29:25
family to actually say, do you know what?
29:26
We are a unit, we are a team, we love each other and we want to
29:30
do this amazing thing together. And we will now wrapping up this
29:35
episode. So that is the mindset portion
29:37
of this episode. The other part of this episode
29:40
is the practical. OK, we're going to be talking
29:43
today about the the home education philosophies,
29:45
influential thinkers, people who have helped to form my opinions
29:49
and my ideas, but also may form yours.
29:52
These aren't necessarily all people that I pull stuff from,
29:54
but I'm going to give you a quick lowdown on some names and
29:57
some books that I really love. And I'm then going to ask you to
29:59
just go off and enjoy researching yourself.
30:02
Go and have a little look into them and see whether or not you
30:04
align more with them. Because there are an awful lot
30:07
of people out there who over the years and obviously compulsory
30:11
schooling or compulsory education rather schooling of
30:15
it. And then in the kind of sense of
30:16
school has only really been in place for about 140 years
30:21
approximately sort of Victorian times, I think Victorian times.
30:24
And that has been really kind of influential over how we believe
30:30
that education is provided to children, but it isn't actually
30:35
built upon the foundations of child psychologists and people
30:38
who know better. A lot of it is built upon the
30:41
agenda of a government and the hopes and ambitions for a
30:44
country. It's trying to get children all
30:46
thinking and learning in the same way to be able to go on to
30:49
industrial supports. Basically, a lot of it was
30:51
industrial revolution based. Some of it was kind of based
30:53
around the concept of trying to make everybody behave the same
30:57
and to think the same so that we could have a really be kind of
30:59
one big push direction for a country.
31:02
There's all kinds of different kind of reasons and agendas for
31:04
the type of education that we offer.
31:06
The curriculum these days is fairly broad and it covers a lot
31:10
of different subjects in a relatively small way.
31:13
It doesn't sound like it. I know it might seem really
31:15
intimidating having to teach it, but it's actually quite limited
31:18
in terms of its content. And a lot of people out there
31:20
right now are massively pushing back against that, kind of
31:23
really emphasizing the fact that we are fast, fast transitioning
31:27
into a future that obviously involves AI and new technologies
31:31
and obviously the way that we actually work and function as a
31:34
community. So there's an awful lot of
31:36
change coming and not an awful lot of change happening in the
31:38
curriculum. So there's an awful lot of
31:40
incredible people out there who have had some fantastic ideas
31:43
and philosophies and have it helped to explain the histories
31:47
behind schooling, the histories behind education, and how we
31:50
should be kind of looking at education for our children.
31:53
And you may relate to some of them, you may find some of them
31:56
abhorrent. You can decide for yourself.
31:58
But essentially some of the ones that I've come across so far
32:01
that I really, really love John Holt.
32:03
So he's the pioneer of unschooling.
32:05
Unschooling is the concept of allowing a child to lead their
32:08
own education, to offer you what they want to do next and you
32:11
support them and guide them. So he believed children learn
32:13
best when they're free to explore their interests without
32:16
coercion. So removing the extrinsic
32:20
motivation of adults in their lives.
32:22
So his book, How Children Learn by John Holt is a great read.
32:26
You've then also also got Charlotte Mason.
32:28
So her philosophy was that education is an atmosphere, a
32:31
discipline, a life. And so she focuses on living,
32:34
books, nature study and cultivating good habits.
32:36
So home education by Charlotte Mason is another great one that
32:39
lots and lots of people I know kind of abide by.
32:42
But that kind of real concept of allowing your child to have a
32:46
fantastic environment that that just is very enriching and
32:49
allows them to kind of continue on their learning.
32:52
Again, again, not entirely self LED, but it's definitely
32:56
allowing children to use books and nature and getting out into
33:00
the world to actually kind of build on their own education.
33:04
Then you've got Maria Montessori so emphasizing kind of
33:07
self-directed activity, hands on learning, collaborative play.
33:12
So that kind of the philosophy behind that was that children
33:14
learn at their own pace in a prepared environment.
33:16
So you're you're providing a great environment again, and
33:20
they will actually use that environment to learn and grow by
33:23
themselves. So The Absorbent Mind by Maria
33:26
Montessori is a great book to read from that one.
33:28
Another one that I've read that I've really liked actually as a
33:32
book sort of advocating for creativity in education.
33:36
So that's Sir Ken Robinson's Out of Our Minds, The Power of Being
33:39
Creative and essentially his sort of questions around
33:42
standardisation, testing and how we kind of go off into the
33:45
working world like expected to be at a certain level.
33:49
And actually the more personalized our learning is,
33:52
the more creative we get to become, the more kind of we
33:55
actually contribute to the human race because we actually offer
33:58
some really great ideas. You've got Peter Gray, so he's
34:01
focusing on self-directed education and the importance of
34:04
play in learning. So Free to learn by Peter Gray
34:08
and Ivan Illick. So he's a critic of
34:10
institutional schooling and encourages learning networks.
34:13
So deschooling society, helping people to understand that there
34:16
are other ways of looking at education.
34:18
It doesn't always have to look the same way.
34:21
So these are just some of the people who you can go back and
34:24
have a little look at. You've also got, sorry, I nearly
34:28
forgot The Brave Learner by Julie Bogart as well.
34:31
So she is sort of a more modern philosopher, philosopher, I
34:34
guess, in this area and one that lots of people still absolutely
34:38
love following. She's on social media.
34:40
You can you can kind of see everything that she talks about
34:42
as well. But essentially what you need to
34:46
try and do with these is to maybe read them, maybe do some
34:49
reading up on them. Just go and read some blogs and
34:51
stuff about them. Reflect on your family's values.
34:54
So what is most important to your family?
34:56
Like is it really about the academic achievement?
34:59
Is it about creativity? Is it about independence?
35:01
Is it about mental health? And actually, I mean, in my
35:05
opinion, all of those things are important.
35:08
But actually I feel like creativity is, is one of the
35:11
most or the pinnacles of mine that I want my children to be
35:14
able to be creative because that helps us to problem solve.
35:16
It helps us to overcome challenges down the line.
35:20
But notice for you in your family values, what is really
35:24
important to you. What have your experiences LED
35:26
you to prioritize as an adult? And what have you maybe wished
35:29
that you maybe had more support on as a child?
35:31
And really think about that and how you kind of form the
35:34
philosophy of your home eds. Observe your child, OK, Most
35:37
importantly, notice them. How did they learn best?
35:41
Do they need play? Do they need structure?
35:43
Do they need conversation? Like what do they love to do?
35:46
How did they sort of feedback to you?
35:49
Do they talk a lot? Do they show you through their
35:51
play what they're learning about?
35:53
My youngest for example, shows me everything through play.
35:55
She role plays an awful lot. Whereas my son is like a brain
36:00
dumping, fact bombing conversationalist.
36:02
He loves to just tell me everything that he's been
36:05
thinking about. So we have lots of really great
36:07
chats and kind of insightful conversations, but they both
36:12
learn way better through hands on experience.
36:15
You're getting out and about and seeing things.
36:16
So observe them, notice them, see what they respond to, and
36:20
then try a little bit of everything, like blend.
36:22
The philosophies evolve as you go.
36:24
You are responsible for your own life and your own family, and
36:29
your kids are responsible for their education too.
36:31
And ultimately you will try lots of different things and you will
36:34
adapt and you can blend them. You don't have to follow any one
36:36
way specifically. You can absolutely follow
36:39
whatever makes sense to you. We are really eclectic.
36:42
We do a bit of unschooling, a bit of project.
36:44
I really, really love a lot of the talk about creativity and
36:47
problem solving, critical thinking.
36:49
We'd love a really good book. We'd love using a few books as
36:53
part of our studies and our projects that we do, but we
36:55
don't tend to necessarily follow them as a specific kind of like
36:58
method. And we definitely spend an awful
37:00
lot of time out in nature. So truly, we do take bits and
37:02
pieces from all of the people I've mentioned, but then also
37:05
kind of like get out into your community as well.
37:07
Because meeting people and seeing what other people are
37:10
doing and getting ideas, Try not to take that as an opportunity
37:14
to constantly beat yourself up, which I know is really, really
37:16
common in this moment. But ultimately, listen to their
37:19
stories. Listen to what they love to do.
37:21
Observe their kids, observe how they're learning and what
37:23
they're interested in. And you'll be surprised, I
37:26
think, by how often that kind of gives you some feedback or ideas
37:32
or just prompts a new kind of direction and gives you
37:35
something else to work on. But ultimately the point of
37:39
having kind of awareness of educational philosophy is to to
37:42
remember that home education has been a thing as long as
37:45
schooling has. It's been a thing for many,
37:47
many, many millennia, thousands and thousands of years before
37:51
that when most families would have educated their children
37:55
themselves in their local communities, responding to local
37:59
and community based needs and skill requirements.
38:02
And they would have learnt from people they were fascinated by.
38:05
And they would have done it very hands on and practically in
38:07
communities where they would have physically been helping to
38:09
fix, fix cars or farming equipment or maybe kind of
38:13
planting things out. And they'd know an awful lot
38:15
about the land and the wildlife and the pests and the challenges
38:19
they would face and all these things.
38:21
And actually these skills are being lost and we're losing
38:24
track of our humanness along the way too.
38:27
So every little bit that we can kind of glean back is great for
38:31
us and our kids. And it helps us to live a more
38:33
grounded and enthusiastic life filled with interests and ideas,
38:38
which are just really fun. And it makes education a lot
38:40
more interesting. Focus on relevance, Focus on
38:43
you, your kids, what they need to know about, what philosophies
38:47
make sense to you. But taking some time to educate
38:50
yourself around the people who have been passionate about home
38:53
education for a long time will help you to realise that you're
38:56
not alone in these beliefs and you're not alone in wanting this
38:59
lifestyle and that actually people have been doing it for as
39:02
long as people have walked the earth and that there's nothing
39:06
wrong with it. It's absolutely a choice which
39:08
it can be incredibly empowering and give you an opportunity to
39:11
really live a more purposeful and intentional life as a family
39:17
and to succeed together to all of you feel like you can
39:20
actually make the things happen that matter to you.
39:23
And yeah, it's there's an awful lot of good here in the home Ed
39:26
world. A lot of it is about self
39:29
empowerment and recognising that you have choices and that you
39:32
can make decisions for yourself. So I hope that you've enjoyed
39:35
this episode and you know that a lot of this can feel very
39:40
overwhelming. There's a lot of information
39:42
here. So if you do find yourself
39:45
wanting wanting more kind of support with this, then remember
39:49
I'm here. Remember the workbook.
39:51
You can go and grab that now. It's to get your head straight
39:52
to home Ed workbook that's on my website.
39:54
So it's off roadingmotherhood.co.uk/work
39:59
hyphen with hyphen me. Go and have a look for that now
40:02
and go and grab it and then follow along like.
40:05
Go sit and work through the first few bits of that and it
40:07
will kind of accompany this sort of series of conversations as
40:10
well. And ultimately, just take your
40:11
time with this process. It's not once and done like
40:14
you're going to be doing this forever.
40:16
Every single time changes come up in your lifestyle, you're
40:19
going to notice how your home Ed shifts and you may be dealing
40:22
with a lot of challenges at the beginning with a child who's not
40:25
happy, who's been having a really hard time at school.
40:27
So it's OK for it to look messy and it's OK for it to not work
40:30
very well to start off with and to have lots of challenges that
40:33
you're trying to overcome. But if you're feeling like you
40:36
could do with some support, please just remember that there
40:38
are people like myself here. Whether you want to go and just
40:40
chat to people in your community and make some friends and get
40:42
some support that way, Whether you could do with a bit of a
40:44
fast track, just someone who can really help to coach you through
40:47
the challenges that you're coming up against, then then
40:50
feel free to reach out for some coaching.
40:51
But I'd love to hear from you regardless.
40:54
So let me know how this has landed.
40:56
What's what's it kind of said to you and what are you taking away
40:59
from this episode? All right, guys.
41:02
Well, I will see you again probably in a couple of weeks
41:04
for the next one of these. They're going to be sporadically
41:06
popping up over the summer. There might be some on a
41:07
Wednesday as well. So just watch out for that.
41:09
And essentially, I will be kind of coming back with those last
41:13
two episodes. You've got two more.
41:15
So 1 is about not forgetting you.
41:17
So how to establish a routine and to make sure that you're not
41:21
losing you in the process and often and lastly, the non
41:25
negotiables, the family values, the kind of how to pull
41:29
inspiration and to really make your home Ed your own.
41:32
All right, guys, have a great summer and I'll speak to you all
41:34
soon. Good luck.