Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Iggeret Ramban: Humility and Respect: Ramban's Ethical Balance 12.7.25

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Rabbi Moshe Haber Iggeret Ramban: Humility and Respect: Ramban's Ethical Balance 12.7.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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I'm Bond talking to his son and he's telling him different
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angles and perspectives of the need for humility, and he tells
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us that in the eyes of God, everyone is the same.
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Hashem can people bring people up or down the ladder at any
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time? And a person has to understand
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that and never carry themselves with a level of arrogance as if
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I made it, I did it, all that stuff because God could do
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whatever he wants and God is doing whatever he wants.
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That's what I'm about. Opens up well, actually
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emphasizes his point of humility.
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He's talking to his son and he's telling his son how humility is
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the trait that we all want to have and that's going to make a
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person great. Then he says his following
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point, which some would have a hard time with because it
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doesn't seem like it really plays a role.
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He says Viroshka Kafu. He tells the son in your head
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should be always bend downward. Then he'll be to La Mata
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Lauditz, and your eyes should be looking at the grounding, but
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your heart should be having work.
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Your eyes should always be looking at the ground.
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You should be walking in a way, carving yourself in a way, and
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you look down. What is this concept you want to
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tell me about humility in the mind?
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I understand humility in the heart.
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I accept to realize other people are a point too.
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I'm not the Bo and all. I got that.
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But why is it significant or even a point at all how I walk,
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how I bump my head, I should leave my head bang downward is a
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literal. So for starters, he is literal.
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It is that some people, I think about this before we say this
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word. Some people have a physical
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posture that makes them stand like this.
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It doesn't mean that the arrogant.
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It just means that's the body. So let's understand that first
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and don't after this class say next time you see a guy with his
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head a high think that he's a valuable not guaranteed to be
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true at all. What is the theme?
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Why, why? Why do I have to carry my
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physically carry myself a certain way?
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I'll think a certain way. So there is a concept, a
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fundamental concept out there in Torah and that is the way you
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carry yourself externally reflects your internal and
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actually impacts return. Which way, Excuse me, If you
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carry yourself, I'll give you example when someone, this is a
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psychological point too. If someone wants to feel good
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about themselves and tell them get dressed, take a good shower,
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make a nice shave, cash dress and you find a suit, I go out to
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that meeting. Don't be raggedy.
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Don't be wearing, you know, messy clothing.
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Don't be dirty. Because if you, you also, not
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only will you not be presentable, but you won't even
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feel presentable. So there's a concept that the
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external reflects the internal. When they tell another example,
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I tell you Shiva students that in Koalim, they all wear a
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certain, you know, a certain structure.
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They wear the white shirt, the black pants.
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Why is that significant? I always thought about this.
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I remember and I in my high school, it was a thing and this
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is like very unique in that world. 9th grade you could wear
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blue shirts, ID blue shirts, checkered shirt, the blue shirt
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that was like a very much but my E Shiva high school that was
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very extreme, very unique. And I always wondered when I
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felt cool wearing blue shirts, but why did it imagine that's
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cool. No blue shirts considered a cool
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thing, but why? Why does it matter what you
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wear? There are matters.
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What you wear on the one hand is a constant of uniform and the
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other hand in the higher degree is that if you carry yourself,
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once they've decided whatever they can decide that it means a
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green. Once it's been accepted that
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that look is the look of a student and you step in line
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according to that look and you act the part of the way you're
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being dressed, that is the reality.
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I'll give you my personal opinion, IE oftentimes you drive
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by a public school when the gay dismissal and I don't know how
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many years ago, before my time, public school used to have
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uniforms or something. At least I had rules, rules of
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what to wear. Now they don't have that at all,
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seems to me. And they can wear whatever they
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want and they wear those loosely.
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You're really reality. They wear those loose pants in a
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borderline, you know, Sunday pants, such pajamas.
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And to me, they walk that way and they walk with that sort of
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chilled look, all of those type of pants.
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It reflects the language that I've heard as well coming out.
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And it plays, I think it plays hand in it, which is if a person
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wears certain kind of clothing, they acted apart.
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And the same thing is true with how you carry yourself.
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If you walk into a room, you walk into a room and your head
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is held like this, physical, literally, or your mind, your
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head should be held that way. It ends up becoming that you act
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in your brain and you think a rhythm.
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It's the way it is. But if you walk held down and we
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have the heats or not the external properly been in our
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minds, we end up becoming a little bit more humble.
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It may be somewhat of a posture concept, but it's much deeper
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than that. It actually reflects how you
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carry yourself. And he sounds like such a simple
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thing. Who cares?
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My head's like this or like that.
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It makes a world of a difference because I recognize and I'm
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going like this, that my brain connects to my actions and my
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brain accepts that I deserve and I am, you know, only lucky
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enough to be like this. I don't deserve to be like that.
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The same thing is sure, the rabbit walks into the room and
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the whole room stands up for him.
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I'll tell you personally that rabbi's at risk of an arrogant
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moment because once the whole room stands up for him, he's
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carrying himself as if he's deserving of the horror of
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sending us. And that's not good as at all.
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Now I'll tell you the reality on the other side of the coin, you
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might say, so why don't we have it?
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If the rabbis are representing humility?
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Rabbis agree, no, that that bond is right.
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Humility is no more trait. So why don't we do away with all
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these things? Standing up for the rabbi?
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I'll give you an example. Standing up for Rabbi aliyah.
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Is that a real thing? I don't think it's a real thing.
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Let's have a source. Really.
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So why doesn't the rabbi go? That guy?
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Let's sit down, stand up for respect.
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So, but why is it necessary? So this is the flip side.
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The flip side is, is that respect actually gives the
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person a voice. Respect makes the person
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prominent. And the reality is, you know,
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sometimes rather can make a joke about themselves or maybe he
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makes them look foolish. They want to be humble.
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That's not proper either. Because if you want to be
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humble, take yourself down, then you're taking down your voice.
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All right. If I would tell you everything I
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did in high school, I don't know if every round I told you
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everything they do when they were a kid and they made
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themselves look extremely human. On the one hand, it's great,
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very relatable. On the other hand, then you he
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says your opinion. Where's that penny covered from?
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Who's backing that? What does it represent?
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So there's a very fine line, which is we cannot carry, cannot
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carry ourselves arrogantly. But at the same time, were you
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to allow and accept the cousin of respect and respect is
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fundamental in all people's way. It's what makes Sir people have
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a voice. And I find it very interesting
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today, today, leadership, leadership as a requirement.
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Today, many people are listeners, people listening to
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classes of openness. People are being inspired,
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people this, people that. And my humble opinion is that
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the crowds that people have today are bigger than the last
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100 years, maybe last 1000 years.
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The voices of today are many people are bigger and more
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impactful than they were 500 years ago.
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It's unbelievable. And I'm not so many specific at
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all now are such people that even someone in my position,
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some of my position years ago didn't have this position,
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right? Am I in a more prominent person
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than someone my age or my upbringing 100 years ago?
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No. And I'm not being humble with
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this point. It's obvious I'm not.
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I'm not being more. That's interesting.
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God put it in a position. God put these people in a
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position that their word carries so much weight, even if their
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background is not, you know, 20 years of learning and going out
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to somewhere and developing themselves and learning by
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prophets and all these great people, their regular
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background. But God gave them unbelievable
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position, an unbelievable voice. And that is why respect is so
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required because if you allow this concept to go all the way,
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which is we should carry ourselves in a humble way, which
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is true, Are you allowed to go too far?
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And you therefore remove respect.
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What's going to happen is those voices will not be heard the
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same way parents. I was once when I got married, I
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once saw a scene that I decided I'm never going to let it happen
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to me. I saw a father lay down on the
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floor. He's playing with his kids and
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he laid down on his floor. His kids like climbing on him,
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like like a joke. And I said that sounds like he's
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a very caring, loving father. Very cute.
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Bad idea. Why?
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Bad idea? Because if the kids are jumping
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on the father and climbing on him sounds ridiculous.
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But I saw the scene where's respecting to come from.
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And you know what? They've grown up and I've seen
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it. It's not the greatest love of
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respect. I witnessed it because a father
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has to have, and so does a mother.
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So does a grandparent. There's a certain degree of
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promise and so does a rabbi. So even though we emphasize this
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idea of humility and I'm a firm believer that carrying yourself
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in a humble way is extremely significant.
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At the same time you have to have and give that person
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respect, which is which makes this job so difficult.
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The job of that I'm bond so difficult because he's telling
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you to carry yourself humbly. But we all know that you need to
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exist with respect. If you don't have respect in
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your business, your work is not going to listen to you.
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If you don't respect in your home, your children will ignore
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you. If you are respecting your shul,
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your cognates won't follow you. You need to have an unbelievable
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balance of, and that's the key, a balance of carrying yourself
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humbly, which means in your mind the way you walk is with
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humility. At the same time you allow
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respect to exist. Is it a difficult task?
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It's a very difficult task. It plays in line.
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But that classic point. Did they tell you that the
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ballet was alright? Or should they tell you that the
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rabbi used to have a paper in each pocket?
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One paper said one person say stated the words Bishuli Nevada
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Allah the world was created for me thinking about tell us every
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person has to realize that the entire world is created for you.
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Literally the entire world was created for you.
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That's a real thing and if only you existed if you only you
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existed God would have created the world anyway just for you.
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At the same time I was to realize the words I know here
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part of the effort. I am dirt and ashes.
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Dirt and ashes is a very low level.
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Dirt means I have no past. Ash means I don't have my own,
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have my own future. It's all up to God.
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How do you carry yourself both ways?
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If it's a lot of work, it's a lot of reality and it takes it a
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lot of recognition of the purpose, which means why are you
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being humble? Why are you being humble?
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Because you realize, and who am I, what I do?
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I didn't create any of this. That's where humility comes
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from, and that's where the guy takes his head from, held up
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high and takes it down. Why are you carrying yourself
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with respect again? Because there's a purpose here.
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There's a goal here. It's not about me.
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The more it's about me, the more the arrogance comes in and by
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the wayside point, the less the real respect comes.
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Eventually you want to have with a perfect balance, which is you
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carry yourself humbly. We also carry us up as a person
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and one of the big ways is how do you literally will you wear
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how you walk, how you talk, and there's all the keys.
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Like I said. Should the rabbi tell the kahal
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to the rabbi, tell the kahal not to stand up for him?
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He shouldn't do that because that'll lead to them walking all
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over him. But he at the same time, he
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shouldn't get angry. Let's play out this way.
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He shouldn't get angry when someone does something that's a
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lot a matter of disrespect, which is literally if someone is
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just to play out at that point, if someone is talking to her
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rabbi's speech, all right, let's play it out for a second.
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All right, Someone told her rabbi's speech.
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The rabbi is, let's say unnerved, not so happy, but
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there's two reactions There is I'm discouraged because I have
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heard a speech and I have a message to give over and the guy
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is talking and it's starting OK. Then there's anger.
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Anger is a sign that is our distract.
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Unnerved and distracted and maybe a little frustrated
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because he spent 10 hours in the speech and at least 10 minutes.
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If one person talks or in that moment it might be a little bit
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ruined. That's fine.
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That's not anger. Again, you have to find the fine
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line of everything with respect there is carry yourself humbly,
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but also being a person in position to recognize the
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position. That's one point and second
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point he says, and then we'll close that I bought and I think
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all of you accept that point. We all try to live a coin to
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that one. The second one is this.
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He says the words the Alta beat. Don't stare at a person when you
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speak to him. What he means is don't act and
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carry yourself as I mean literally don't look into his
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eyes is constant about that, but he really means don't intimidate
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a person and give him that glaring stare as he tells his
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son and allow some way for every person around you to be greater
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than you. Allow every person to carry it
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in your mind to have a degree of significant overview, which
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means to each, which means this is key.
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It's not so easy to do, but it's very important.
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It's very impactful. If you walk into a room and you
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have a friend of mine, you say look at the room, the scan the
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room and say, OK, I'm doing better than everyone over here
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in this area and you're going to talk to them in a belittling
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way. And again, arrogance comes in,
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not likability comes in. All those problems come in the
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moment a person has that perspective and you're going to
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end up talking to them in an intimidating way.
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Intimidating actually means that people are scared of you.
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People don't want to say the wrong thing in front of you.
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People know there's ramifications, they mess up.
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That is intimidating and that is something we do not want to
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have. So guy, So why?
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Can't. Why can't you look at someone in
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the eyes when you? That's the way of connection,
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connecting to people. Good don't right there, so there
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he doesn't need facility, but there doesn't mean to look.
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Look at me, you have to connect. Right.
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So Tabit, Tabit there in the same to me doesn't mean don't
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look into his eyes. I mean don't stare him down.
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And it really means that there's a perspective or there's a look,
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a person, you know, that look and guy who thinks he's
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something. I sneer, right, right.
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And it's in speech. Also it's in the.
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It's the whole pitch. The guy, exactly, the guy who
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thinks he's something, carries himself that way.
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And the point is, don't carry yourself that way.
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Don't even look at people that way.
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And you recognize I'm talking about if you ever had a boss,
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you know that feeling when you walk in and you're tense?
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OK, listen, the boss has a position, like we said before.
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But at the same time, when he has the tenseness of the
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situation and he paws on a drop, that is this perspective.
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And that is this dominating, sort of intimidating feeling
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that you don't want to be around.
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How do you avoid this feeling? It's just difficult, but it's a
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reality that's actually, if you think about it, no big deal.
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Allow every person around you to be in your eyes one way or
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another more important than you now is that possible?
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But she's a positive to say every person around you one way
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or another is more important than you.
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It knows it or not can't exempt that it's try again.
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You can add anything you want. So by Duyas, the truth is the
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truth is, and that is very easy to do.
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Why? Because one guy is better than
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business certain time business to me, the other guy is better
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than the other line of business to me.
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The other guy I know is a good husband.
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The other person, people like him, the other one is dedicating
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his prayer. The other one might have started
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not religious and has gotten closer.
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Everyone has a different talent and it can be done in the moment
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you open the room, you have this perspective.
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All of a sudden, whatever strength that I have, which is
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allowed to give me a feeling of self-confidence and a feeling of
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respect, all that's true, but that strength also goes all the
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way down to avoid any intimidation for anyone else.
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Why should I intimidate that a guy who you know, not as learned
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as I am, when in reality he's not expecting to learn it.
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He didn't go to yeshiva. Why should I intimidate him?
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Why should I intimidate that person who doesn't know Gemara
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in that depth? He never learned Gemara.
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All right. So the whole thing goes all the
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way down the drain. The moment you have his
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perspective, he said, you walk into a room and you look at the
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people and you say, I'm a very sub.
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I have a great confidence, unbelievable confidence, which
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by the way, all humble people have.
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That's what you say. I'm one.
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I'm confident. No one's going to touch my
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confidence, but at the same time, all those people, they
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exist. All those people, once they
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exist, they all have things to offer.
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They all have strengths which not say that they will come.
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Who's a wise man? Hollow Maiden be called Adam.
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He learns from everybody. It means literally everybody.
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That means every single person you interact with, they have
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something to offer. And all this they need to offer
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on a basic level, something that is better than me in a certain
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field. And that has to be all my it
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doesn't take you down 1 aisle. It doesn't hurt you at all.
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The biggest fallacy of arrogance is that humility.
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The other option, weakness is weakness.
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That's the fallacy. Arrogance itself was weakness
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because arrogance is a shell where a person says I can't be
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touched and therefore no one should touch me because if I
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have touched Uli, that's arrogance.
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And he's telling you, walk into the room, look at this table,
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look at your home, look at your friends, look at your offers.
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I'd say everyone around me has got something to offer.
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Will it take me down at all? Zero.
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OK, Early on in the school days, that was my perspective.
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It's still my perspective. It was easier then.
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It was obvious then because I was coming in completely
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inexperienced. But it was a very healthy
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perspective for me because it allowed me to recognize each
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person with their strengths. Until today, I'm lucky enough to
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see it. What we were unique to Hollow in
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that way, but the truth is is that it really can be said
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across the board. It can be said in a non Jewish.
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I don't care. In a department store, you walk
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into me and you say everyone has started to offer.
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All of a sudden you find that that guy who looks like I don't
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know what LM he has something nice to say.
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We'll all dope of you or he has a good smile or something.
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Everyone has something to offer. Some are very small, some are
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very big, but they all paint the picture for yourself to remain
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humble at the carriers of the right way to be intimidating,
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which is to talk to people in the condescending way, which so
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many people think is what makes them great.
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And I remember using many times interacting with people who are
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condescending and there's a certain sort of fear that you
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had before you talk to them. There's a certain thing as if
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they what are the what, what, what because they have because
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God bless them, what's because they have a big name.
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But what exactly we all know if you peel down any person's
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story, my mother had a conversation with her last week.
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She said, well, sure, I can tell you something in any family in
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the community, I can make them look like the greatest thing,
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Steisberg. And if any family in the
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community, I can find something that makes them not so proud of
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themselves. And I think that's true.
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But any family across the community and it's not
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disparaging, it's reality. How do I play a role to what my
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grandfather did or to what my uncle did or to whatever.
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Why? Why does it play a role?
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And, and, and by the way, all it does, it tells you don't carry
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yourself with this made-up belief as if I'm something
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special. All those people who walk into a
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room and they have the certain pay talk slow.
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Hey, you know, they they don't they don't talk to certain
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people. You know, your wife goes to a
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wedding and she says, I don't understand that Lady.
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She's she grumpy, right? They always, always come back
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with her and say, I don't understand just because she made
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it, just because her daughter got married.
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And they're right. that Lady, who is she?
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Nothing special, but she thinks she is.
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And all that is fake intimidation.
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It's actually reflective of insecurity, arrogance, which is
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the same thing. A lack of self-confidence and a
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lack of humility and a lack of recognition of the fact that
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every person around you, regardless of who they are, have
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something to offer. And you've seen it whenever you
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after 120, you've heard about a person and you say, wow, I never
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realized that guy has, you know, he was good at that.
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He's a good father or a good guy in the office.
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He was nice to the people around there.
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I didn't realize that he had that trait, right?
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And also they're talking that way.
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Sometimes it's because they exaggerate, correct?
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But often times because he had his strength, but he was a
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regular person. So who notices regular people
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who talks about all people talk about all day in their homes
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when they gossip or talk about the same 20-30 people say their
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name this way, say they that way up, down, right, left.
22:10
This is a douche. That's all it does some of.
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The names you can't. Pronounce exactly names.
22:13
They still talk about that. Exactly.
22:15
They just made it into the crew. For whatever reason, they made
22:17
it into the crew and people only talk about those people.
22:20
Do you realize those people? God bless them in every way,
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whatever it is that they deserve that title.
22:26
They're great people, but they're no greater.
22:28
And every average guy, you know, now they are dedicating their
22:32
lives to the community. They deserve a lot of respect
22:33
for that. And that takes a lot of misuse
22:35
of their fish, no question. But at the same time, a lot of
22:38
people are very special. The issue with the intimidating
22:42
mindset is I've opened to a room, I think to myself, who do
22:46
I have to address? Who are the people that has
22:48
certain aspect that's greater than me?
22:50
And there's only people. I see that's very wrong.
22:53
Instead, it should be every single person in the room.
22:56
I started to offer every person around you is great.
23:00
And the reality is you'll have strong relationships, you'll
23:04
have greater friendships, and you'll have actually more
23:08
confidence. And the final thing is it helps
23:11
you when everyone is something in your eyes.
23:14
You could take something from everyone.
23:16
I could take from your dedication to that organization.
23:19
I could take from your prayer. I could take from so and so's
23:22
learning. I could take from so and so's
23:24
how he understands people, how he's dedicated to classes,
23:27
whatever out of the things you could take from everyone to a
23:30
moment you accept the fact that I am not the be all end all once
23:35
I believe I am and all I see when I woke him at the people
23:39
that's told him or told me and that really means a couple of
23:41
people. That's it, right?
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Who are carious as told? If I think that way, I remain
23:47
arrogant. I remain nothing.
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If I think the other way, I remain humble and have the
23:51
ability to become everything. That's just me.
23:53
That OK, what's up with this?