Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #70 Fortnite

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#70 Fortnite · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:01
Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Coulson.
0:03
Speaker 1: We are Luke and Suzie and this is the podcast
0:06
Speaker 1: for time poor parents who just want answers.
0:09
Speaker 2: Now, if you have not heard of Fortnite, you are
0:13
Speaker 2: a very fortunate person.
0:14
Speaker 1: We're not talking about the every second week, that two
0:17
Speaker 1: week period.
0:17
Speaker 2: Now, it's an online game, and it seems in the
0:21
Speaker 2: world of my children and many other children, everyone is
0:24
Speaker 2: playing it.
0:25
Speaker 1: And there's been a little bit of awkward, sort of
0:28
Speaker 1: challenging moments in our parenting and for our nine year
0:31
Speaker 1: old all surrounding this game of Fortnite and how brutal
0:35
Speaker 1: daddy has been to say, I'm sorry, you can't play this.
0:38
Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Coilson, Happy families dot Com. Today, you joining
0:41
Speaker 2: us in the studio. Fortnite is everywhere, Justin.
0:45
Speaker 3: I get so many emails, so many requests, so many
0:48
Speaker 3: please what do I do about Fortnite?
0:51
Speaker 4: Parents are stressing out about it.
0:52
Speaker 3: It's kind of like, you know, when we were kids,
0:55
Speaker 3: yo yo's were everything.
0:57
Speaker 2: Marvel's occasionally got banned a.
0:59
Speaker 3: Marbles, yeah, because we were so compelled, we were so
1:02
Speaker 3: we were addicted to it. I remember I was don't
1:05
Speaker 3: you bring that yo yo into the house because you
1:08
Speaker 3: break things, right, you hit your sister in the head
1:10
Speaker 3: with it as you're trying to do.
1:11
Speaker 4: Around the world. Now it's Fortnite.
1:13
Speaker 3: It's a different world, obviously, And Fortnite is the game
1:16
Speaker 3: that has captured the hearts and minds of our young
1:21
Speaker 3: boys and young men and even some girls and some
1:25
Speaker 3: grown ups as well.
1:26
Speaker 1: And can I say that, no matter what your opinion
1:28
Speaker 1: of the game is, what intelligent business from the game
1:31
Speaker 1: makers and how they put it all together to make money,
1:34
Speaker 1: like and incredibly so with all the dance moves and
1:36
Speaker 1: all the fun that they put into it and all
1:39
Speaker 1: the gore they've pulled out of it, but it's still
1:41
Speaker 1: left as a first person shooter game targeted and children.
1:44
Speaker 3: Well, the age advisory is twelve enough, so let's be
1:47
Speaker 3: clear about that. And I have to be really direct,
1:50
Speaker 3: and I hope that I say this with appropriate sensitivity. Parents,
1:54
Speaker 3: you've got to stop letting your kids do stuff before
1:56
Speaker 3: they're old enough. You know, it's an age advisory of
1:59
Speaker 3: twelve plus because it's a first person.
2:01
Speaker 4: Shooter game, it's violent.
2:03
Speaker 3: And what happens is I get all these parents saying
2:05
Speaker 3: to me, but I've got a nine year old or
2:07
Speaker 3: I've got an eleven year old or an eight year old.
2:09
Speaker 3: And in fact, I got one mom email with the
2:12
Speaker 3: other day and she said, my six year old has
2:13
Speaker 3: been invited to a Fortnight party.
2:16
Speaker 4: These kids are six.
2:17
Speaker 3: It's not good for our kids to be playing first
2:20
Speaker 3: person shooter games, even without the gore, because they've taken.
2:24
Speaker 4: The gore out.
2:25
Speaker 3: Yes, but it's still violent. You're lighting someone up and
2:27
Speaker 3: you're shooting them. It's not in their best interest for
2:29
Speaker 3: us to be letting them play this.
2:30
Speaker 1: So I probably need to at this point. For any
2:32
Speaker 1: adult who hasn't played these sorts of games, first person
2:35
Speaker 1: shooter literally means your character, the person you're controlling, has
2:39
Speaker 1: a gun and is shooting other.
2:42
Speaker 3: Right, So when you look at the screen, you can
2:44
Speaker 3: see your gun and you aim your gun at the
2:47
Speaker 3: other characters.
2:47
Speaker 2: And because it's online online, that's often people you know
2:50
Speaker 2: from school or from well.
2:53
Speaker 3: You can have your mates playing in the same game
2:56
Speaker 3: as you. You know you're having the same battle. Look.
2:59
Speaker 3: The way Fortnite works for those who are uninitiated is
3:02
Speaker 3: it's kind of like the Hunger Games and Minecraft combined.
3:06
Speaker 3: So you've got one hundred people in the game. And
3:09
Speaker 3: while you're trying to build fortifications and trying to participate
3:13
Speaker 3: in whatever actions you deem necessary for your fortniting, what
3:19
Speaker 3: you also want to do is you want to destroy
3:21
Speaker 3: everyone who's trying.
3:22
Speaker 4: To kill you.
3:22
Speaker 2: So you kind of get I can see why it
3:24
Speaker 2: would be a popular game, I guess I don't see
3:27
Speaker 2: why my children are watching YouTube videos where I can
3:32
Speaker 2: see a five year old playing the game.
3:34
Speaker 4: Right, and they're not just watching it on YouTube.
3:36
Speaker 3: Twitch is the twitch is the site where you go
3:38
Speaker 3: to watch people doing all of this stuff now and
3:41
Speaker 3: I I read it a number just the other day
3:43
Speaker 3: on Twitch they reckon. In the last two weeks, more
3:45
Speaker 3: than five thousand human years have been spent watching gameplay
3:50
Speaker 3: on a Fortnite. Wow, in two weeks, there's been five
3:53
Speaker 3: thousand years of Fortnite watching.
3:56
Speaker 2: That's watching, not playing, that's watching.
3:58
Speaker 1: We've got a nine year old who every single friend
4:00
Speaker 1: in his world is playing Fortnite. And how do you
4:03
Speaker 1: explain to a nine year old why we see the
4:06
Speaker 1: world so totally different from everybody else he knows, and
4:08
Speaker 1: that we say he can't play a lot of pressure
4:11
Speaker 1: on us to conform to what everybody else is doing.
4:14
Speaker 1: How do we respond to whether they should play this
4:17
Speaker 1: or not, or how do we explain it to them?
4:20
Speaker 3: So look, before I ask that question, let me be
4:22
Speaker 3: really clear. This isn't just about Fortnite. This is about
4:25
Speaker 3: your ten year old that wants to be on Instagram,
4:27
Speaker 3: or your twelve year old that wants to be on Snapchat,
4:30
Speaker 3: or your fourteen year old who wants to be on
4:32
Speaker 3: kick And you know, there's all of these platforms with
4:35
Speaker 3: all of these age advisories, and as parents, we need
4:37
Speaker 3: to be across that. And when they say to us,
4:39
Speaker 3: but I'm the only one in the school who's not
4:42
Speaker 3: doing it, we feel torn. There's a terrible tension. There's
4:47
Speaker 3: this friction. Our children feel like we're causing them to
4:50
Speaker 3: be social outcasts. And it's a really really challenging thing.
4:55
Speaker 3: A couple of things that we need to be aware of.
4:57
Speaker 3: First of all, your child is probably not the only one,
5:01
Speaker 3: So work.
5:02
Speaker 4: With other parents. You know, talk to other parents, be
5:04
Speaker 4: part of a community.
5:05
Speaker 3: It takes a village to raise a child, so be
5:08
Speaker 3: involved with them and make sure that there are other kids.
5:13
Speaker 3: That's probably not going to make them feel any but
5:14
Speaker 3: because they still want it. The next thing I'd say
5:16
Speaker 3: is make sure they've got other stuff in their lives.
5:19
Speaker 3: You know, if they've got their sport, or they've got
5:21
Speaker 3: their music, or they've got their art.
5:23
Speaker 4: We want to be giving them a full life.
5:26
Speaker 3: And I'm not suggesting, by the way, that they should
5:28
Speaker 3: have zero screens or zero screen time.
5:30
Speaker 4: They should still be able to do some stuff on
5:33
Speaker 4: their screens.
5:34
Speaker 3: And perhaps they'll have some other friends who will pull
5:36
Speaker 3: themselves away from Fortnite because they are only nine and
5:40
Speaker 3: play with them doing some other stuff. Or you know,
5:43
Speaker 3: here's a wild idea. As parents, perhaps we can involve
5:47
Speaker 3: ourselves in their lives a little more. Come on, now,
5:50
Speaker 3: I know we're busy. I know there's emails to write.
5:53
Speaker 3: I know there's dinners to cook and baths to run
5:55
Speaker 3: and all that sort of stuff. But can we just
5:58
Speaker 3: be a bit more involved. I know that in my
6:00
Speaker 3: home and certainly in the lives of many other families
6:03
Speaker 3: with whom I've worked, just that one thing. You know,
6:06
Speaker 3: Let's pull out the Uno cards. Let's go a bit
6:08
Speaker 3: old school. Let's play some Phase ten or some skip
6:10
Speaker 3: Bow or Monopoly or you know those Monopoly deal cards.
6:14
Speaker 3: I mean, these are fun games, and if we can
6:17
Speaker 3: distract the kids give them a full and balanced life
6:20
Speaker 3: and actually have a relationship with them ourselves things like Fortnite. Yes,
6:24
Speaker 3: it will still hurt, but it won't be as bad.
6:28
Speaker 3: Last quick point, it's worth having the conversation where you
6:30
Speaker 3: actually explain why. It might not really go very far.
6:35
Speaker 3: They might be upset, they might roll their eyes, they
6:37
Speaker 3: might want to argue, but we still need to provide
6:39
Speaker 3: a bit of a rationale and say, look, I'm the parent,
6:41
Speaker 3: this is in your best interest, and here's a couple
6:42
Speaker 3: of reasons why.
6:43
Speaker 1: And when I spoke to the ninety arl, this is
6:45
Speaker 1: where I feel like I kind of got it. Okay,
6:48
Speaker 1: where I went, here's my reasonings, here's what I think.
6:51
Speaker 1: And I know that not everybody else sees it this way.
6:53
Speaker 1: And I said, Tyson, I might get down the track
6:56
Speaker 1: and think I overreacted, but right now I've to make
7:00
Speaker 1: a decision. This is one of those things that we've
7:02
Speaker 1: talked about. Is an adult decision, and I've got to
7:04
Speaker 1: make a decision. And with what I know now, this
7:06
Speaker 1: is what I have to decide. Sound like you've on
7:08
Speaker 1: my books, we've been following some of those steps. And
7:12
Speaker 1: I said, and I know that it looks like your
7:15
Speaker 1: life is missing out because mummy and daddy have these thoughts.
7:18
Speaker 1: But let's let's talk about all the things that are
7:20
Speaker 1: good in your life because mummy and Daddy are different
7:23
Speaker 1: and think and see things differently from some other people.
7:25
Speaker 1: And we talked about all those advantages that we have
7:28
Speaker 1: because of those differences. So it's not he's not just
7:30
Speaker 1: seeing what he's missing out on because of these processes.
7:33
Speaker 1: For mmy daddy and I'm talking about our faith and
7:35
Speaker 1: our values. But let's look at all the things that
7:37
Speaker 1: are included in our life because of that. And he's
7:40
Speaker 1: he's done pretty well. He's been pretty respectful, and he
7:43
Speaker 1: has been strong and resilient in the midst of this.
7:45
Speaker 1: It still doesn't make it any easier for us when
7:47
Speaker 1: we know he's standing on the sidelines when his mates
7:50
Speaker 1: are doing this. So exploring more with doctor Justin Courson,
7:52
Speaker 1: this whole FORTNIGHTE game, why as a first person shooter game,
7:57
Speaker 1: why do we need to be concerned about that? Because
7:58
Speaker 1: I know where I drew the line, I have no
8:00
Speaker 1: psychology training behind me to know whether it's an appropriate line.
8:04
Speaker 3: Okay, so let's go through just a couple of things
8:06
Speaker 3: very briefly. We could talk for hours, but I'm going
8:09
Speaker 3: to keep it really quick with just two or three
8:10
Speaker 3: main points.
8:11
Speaker 4: Number one, it is violent.
8:12
Speaker 3: I don't care if there's no blood spattering everywhere like
8:15
Speaker 3: some of the more violent games that are out there,
8:17
Speaker 3: it's still violent. The first time that I got involved
8:19
Speaker 3: in watching it, watched it and I downloaded it and
8:21
Speaker 3: had a little fiddled with it as well, I just
8:23
Speaker 3: thought to myself, I felt really uncomfortable shooting somebody. Now,
8:25
Speaker 3: I know not everybody feels like that, but let's be real.
8:28
Speaker 3: This is hunger games. This is I have to kill
8:30
Speaker 3: somebody five. It's not real. It's a game, but nevertheless
8:34
Speaker 3: it's got that violent element. From a research point of view,
8:37
Speaker 3: there's still a fair bit of argument out there as
8:40
Speaker 3: to whether violent games cause violent behavior. I think that
8:43
Speaker 3: what we can safely say is that, based on the
8:46
Speaker 3: research evidence, when we have our when we're playing violent games,
8:51
Speaker 3: there is some sort of a relationship between that and
8:53
Speaker 3: our ability to take the perspective of others, to be empathic,
8:57
Speaker 3: to be kind, generous, compassionate, and experimental studies have shown
9:01
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean that everyone's going to turn violent.
9:03
Speaker 4: No, of course not.
9:04
Speaker 3: That's boloney and I'm not trying to say that, but
9:07
Speaker 3: violent video games certainly cause a desensitization to the well
9:11
Speaker 3: being of others, and some people are affected by it
9:14
Speaker 3: more than others, So from the violence point of view,
9:16
Speaker 3: that that's a concern. My other major concern with Fortnite,
9:19
Speaker 3: other than the compulsion to play, which I'll talk about
9:23
Speaker 3: in a sec you know that whole.
9:24
Speaker 4: Is it addictive or not.
9:25
Speaker 3: The other main concern that I have, especially when you've
9:27
Speaker 3: got young kids who are playing, is that there are
9:32
Speaker 3: two chat options. There's a text chat, which is kind
9:34
Speaker 3: of hard. You know, you're playing a game, you're trying
9:36
Speaker 3: to text at the same time. That's not going to happen,
9:38
Speaker 3: although some people do use it.
9:39
Speaker 1: If they're using a computer, then that's right.
9:41
Speaker 4: But then there's also a voice chat option.
9:44
Speaker 3: So you're at the moment, there's somewhere around forty or
9:47
Speaker 3: fifty million people globally that are playing this game, and
9:50
Speaker 3: you can have as you can have as many as
9:52
Speaker 3: three and a half million people. That's their record so far,
9:55
Speaker 3: about three and a half million people playing at any
9:56
Speaker 3: one time, which means that if your kids are in
9:59
Speaker 3: a game with one hundred other people and it's a
10:01
Speaker 3: fight to the death. There's a chance that globally they're
10:03
Speaker 3: going to have a conversation with someone at some point
10:06
Speaker 3: over this chat, this voice chat facility where they're going
10:12
Speaker 3: to be potentially exposed to some explicit themes and you
10:17
Speaker 3: may or may not be comfortable with that.
10:19
Speaker 4: For me, that's a concern.
10:20
Speaker 3: I don't want my twelve year old hearing some forty
10:23
Speaker 3: six year old playing on the other side of the
10:24
Speaker 3: world saying down the road saying f this and carrying
10:28
Speaker 3: on or.
10:29
Speaker 1: Worse or worse. And I think for us, outside of Fortnite,
10:33
Speaker 1: for every game like this, we made a bit of
10:34
Speaker 1: a call that our children cannot play a game where
10:37
Speaker 1: there's chat options if anybody can access their game, if
10:42
Speaker 1: they can restrict it to just the people that we
10:44
Speaker 1: know and we know from school, then if there's any
10:50
Speaker 1: if we can control that, then you then you might
10:52
Speaker 1: be able to play it. If we can't control it,
10:54
Speaker 1: it's absolute blanket. No the thing for the violence for me,
10:58
Speaker 1: and I don't know whether this is a valid line
11:00
Speaker 1: because I looked at it and went technically, there's there's
11:03
Speaker 1: shooting in lots of games that I let my kids play,
11:05
Speaker 1: but I went, if it's a cartoon character with a
11:07
Speaker 1: laser gun with circle lasers in something which is so
11:10
Speaker 1: out of the realm of normal, then I go, I'm
11:12
Speaker 1: not sure about you know, I've been okay with that.
11:16
Speaker 1: But in this game, the line I drew was it's real.
11:18
Speaker 1: It's human characters with real guns shooting other human characters
11:24
Speaker 1: with real guns. And it was not. It was not
11:26
Speaker 1: it was a step away from fantasy. It was closer
11:28
Speaker 1: to reality. And that's where I drew the line. A
11:31
Speaker 1: first person shoot a game with human characters with real
11:34
Speaker 1: life guns, that is there any validity?
11:37
Speaker 3: Like can you can you tell me from a research
11:39
Speaker 3: point of view, I'm not aware of anything that's going
11:41
Speaker 3: to say that this is this is where we draw
11:43
Speaker 3: the line. Look, I have personal feelings that are similar
11:46
Speaker 3: to yours, not exactly the same, but fairly similar. And
11:48
Speaker 3: I know many others who feel like we're right, and
11:50
Speaker 3: many who would say, come on, it's just garbage.
11:53
Speaker 4: At the end of the day, you've got to go
11:54
Speaker 4: with your personal values.
11:55
Speaker 3: The only thing that I can refer back to as
11:57
Speaker 3: the research on violent video games show that there is
11:59
Speaker 3: a decent cetization. There is a lot of empathy and
12:02
Speaker 3: there are some kids who are affected quite badly by it,
12:04
Speaker 3: although they are in the distinct and very small minority.
12:08
Speaker 1: So then there's also another aspect of Fortnite which we
12:12
Speaker 1: need to be aware of his parents and games like
12:14
Speaker 1: it is the money spending. Even though the game itself
12:17
Speaker 1: is free.
12:18
Speaker 3: So kids are spending literally globally. They reckon it's going
12:21
Speaker 3: to make a couple of billion dollars this year. As kids,
12:23
Speaker 3: you know, they're buying their power packs and there.
12:25
Speaker 1: By dance moves. They have to pay you to get
12:28
Speaker 1: extra dance moves.
12:29
Speaker 3: And the other thing that's happening here is, you know,
12:30
Speaker 3: the kids that aren't allowed to play it so often
12:33
Speaker 3: aren't as good, and therefore they're spending more money so
12:36
Speaker 3: that they can keep up with the kids who are
12:37
Speaker 3: playing a lot, who are.
12:39
Speaker 4: Just earning their way through the game.
12:41
Speaker 3: You know, there's this desire to stay with my mates
12:44
Speaker 3: and be able to be there.
12:45
Speaker 1: So here's the secondary challenge that we've got as parents
12:48
Speaker 1: that we've said you can't play this, but if he
12:50
Speaker 1: goes to a mate's place and they play it, are
12:54
Speaker 1: there different rules for playing? But even worse than that,
12:56
Speaker 1: because I can I can say I can draw a
12:59
Speaker 1: line and say no, you still can't pay, no matter
13:00
Speaker 1: where you are. But then he's in a room were
13:02
Speaker 1: all these mates are play, and we've got a question
13:04
Speaker 1: is he allowed to watch somebody else play?
13:08
Speaker 3: This again, is such a tricky one. You know, we
13:11
Speaker 3: dealt with this personally, and I've had many other people say,
13:13
Speaker 3: you know, my sixteen year old son's playing cod Okay,
13:17
Speaker 3: so Call of Duty it's a violent game, or Grand
13:19
Speaker 3: Theft Auto. These are violent games. These are first person
13:24
Speaker 3: violent video games. And you know I've got I've got
13:28
Speaker 3: a fifteen year old and a twelve year old, and
13:29
Speaker 3: the twelve year old wants to play. No, well, the
13:32
Speaker 3: twelve year old still wants to watch, So how do
13:34
Speaker 3: we police that? Or they go over to their mate's
13:36
Speaker 3: place and everyone else is playing, so they're going to
13:37
Speaker 3: be exposed to it anyway. My sense is that I've
13:42
Speaker 3: used this analogy with you previously in a different discussion.
13:46
Speaker 3: We put a fence around our pool to keep our
13:49
Speaker 3: kids from falling in and to keep them safe.
13:52
Speaker 4: But you can't fence the ocean. The ocean is just
13:56
Speaker 4: too big.
13:57
Speaker 3: And so we've got a simple situation where we have
14:00
Speaker 3: to teach our kids to swim.
14:03
Speaker 4: That's challenging.
14:04
Speaker 3: It means that we've got to have ongoing conversations, and
14:06
Speaker 3: we might say to our kids, we'd prefer that you
14:07
Speaker 3: don't play it, or we might say we understand that
14:10
Speaker 3: you're going to want to play it. Our rules in
14:11
Speaker 3: our home at this When you go to your friend's house,
14:14
Speaker 3: if they're playing it, we would prefer that you play
14:17
Speaker 3: something else that you ask if you can do other stuff,
14:19
Speaker 3: if that's not going to happen. If you're going to
14:21
Speaker 3: become a complete social pariah and you're at your friends
14:26
Speaker 3: and that's what they're doing, you're at the party on
14:27
Speaker 3: Friday night, and that's what you're doing. We're not going
14:30
Speaker 3: to be angry at you for joining, and we prefer
14:32
Speaker 3: that you didn't. But we understand the social pool. But
14:36
Speaker 3: when you're at home and when you're on the devices
14:38
Speaker 3: that we own, the answer will always be no until
14:41
Speaker 3: you're twelve, or until we've discussed this further.
14:43
Speaker 4: And so there's only so much that you can do.
14:46
Speaker 3: And with something like Fortnite, I don't think that it's
14:49
Speaker 3: worth destroying your kids' lives over with something like alcohol
14:53
Speaker 3: or cocaine or pornography.
14:56
Speaker 4: I actually think that you draw.
14:57
Speaker 3: A much firmer line. But again, every family is going
14:59
Speaker 3: to different. There are going to be some families who
15:01
Speaker 3: will say we're black and white on this. There is
15:04
Speaker 3: simply you know it's no, and you don't play at
15:07
Speaker 3: your friend's houses until they've gotten over their Fortnite craze,
15:10
Speaker 3: which will happen in nine months from now or something
15:11
Speaker 3: like that. I don't think that's a helpful way to go.
15:15
Speaker 3: I think it just makes the forbidden fruit that much
15:17
Speaker 3: more attractive. And there are some there are some lines
15:21
Speaker 3: that are worth fighting for and others that aren't.
15:24
Speaker 4: For me, this one isn't that big.
15:25
Speaker 2: I had a conversation with Tyson recently on the back
15:27
Speaker 2: of it where I was just saying to him how
15:29
Speaker 2: much we appreciated that he has upheld our rules on this,
15:34
Speaker 2: particularly when he's been at his friend's house and his
15:37
Speaker 2: friend is aware of Tyson's he's not going to play
15:41
Speaker 2: the game, and his friend's mum is aware that he's
15:42
Speaker 2: not going to play the game, and he's not played
15:44
Speaker 2: the game there even though his friend has played it there,
15:47
Speaker 2: And I just was saying to him, I think that's
15:48
Speaker 2: really awesome, and I was saying to him, he wants
15:51
Speaker 2: to be in his mind at the moment, his goal
15:53
Speaker 2: is to be an AFL star. He wants to play
15:55
Speaker 2: professionally this game of AFL. And I said to him,
15:58
Speaker 2: all of those men who you see playing AFL have
16:01
Speaker 2: had to stand up and do things that their friends
16:04
Speaker 2: have had to say no to, things that all their
16:06
Speaker 2: friends were saying yes too, in order to get that
16:08
Speaker 2: good at the game. And it's a life skill to
16:12
Speaker 2: learn to say no when everyone around you is saying yes.
16:14
Speaker 2: And I'm so proud of you that at this age
16:18
Speaker 2: you've already you're already starting to learn to say no
16:21
Speaker 2: when everyone else is saying yes. And he sort of
16:23
Speaker 2: sat a little taller, and he sat a little straighter,
16:25
Speaker 2: and I think he looked a little sharper at that
16:28
Speaker 2: vision of being an AFLIME.
16:32
Speaker 3: That ties in with something that's so important here. And
16:34
Speaker 3: our kids have got to have purpose. And if they
16:35
Speaker 3: understand the reason, if they understand the rationale, and if
16:37
Speaker 3: they've got a bigger purpose to work towards, then then
16:40
Speaker 3: they will make better choices. Whether it's about Fortnite, whether
16:43
Speaker 3: it's about alcohol and other drugs, whether it's about sex
16:45
Speaker 3: and intimacy. No matter what it is, they'll make better
16:48
Speaker 3: choices when they've got that bigger purpose to work towards.
16:51
Speaker 3: And frankly, I think that's a massive failing on the
16:54
Speaker 3: part of our society at the moment that our young
16:55
Speaker 3: people are all too often so lacking in Yes, conversation
17:00
Speaker 3: for another day.
17:01
Speaker 1: Well, that's been extremely helpful, and it's both challenge me
17:05
Speaker 1: in my perspective and my engagement with my children on this,
17:08
Speaker 1: but also, you know, help to kind of feel a
17:10
Speaker 1: bit encouraged that I'm not just a widow. Hey, doctor
17:13
Speaker 1: Justin Gilson, thank you so much.
17:15
Speaker 3: Hey, let me just add one more quick thing, super quick.
17:17
Speaker 3: If you're really really stuck with this and you don't
17:19
Speaker 3: know what to do about it, I'm just going to
17:21
Speaker 3: give you three questions to talk to the kids about. Okay,
17:23
Speaker 3: if they're saying can I can I? Can I play Fortnite?
17:25
Speaker 3: And let's say they are old enough and you're cool
17:27
Speaker 3: with them playing Fortnite? Three quick questions. Number One, has
17:30
Speaker 3: he or she done the stuff that matters most? And
17:33
Speaker 3: I'm talking about you know, I'm talking about chores, I'm
17:36
Speaker 3: talking about homework, you know, all the stuff that is
17:39
Speaker 3: supposed to be done.
17:40
Speaker 4: Have you spent time outside blah blah blah blah blah.
17:42
Speaker 3: If all of that's been If the answer is no, oh,
17:45
Speaker 3: and by the way, it has been done properly. You know,
17:46
Speaker 3: tidy your room has been done properly. If the answer
17:48
Speaker 3: is no, then the answer is no. If the answer
17:51
Speaker 3: is yes, then you can move the question to a
17:53
Speaker 3: question too simple. Is it going to interrupt anything important
17:56
Speaker 3: like dinner with the family, or sleep, or relationships.
18:00
Speaker 4: Or extracurricular activities.
18:01
Speaker 3: If yes, then the answer is no, you can't play
18:05
Speaker 3: right now. If no, than the answer is Let's look
18:09
Speaker 3: at question three, and question three is really simple. Are
18:12
Speaker 3: their clear agreements regarding the amount of time allowed online
18:16
Speaker 3: and or the number of battles that is allowed to play?
18:20
Speaker 4: If the answer is no, then the answers no. If yes,
18:23
Speaker 4: then go for it. Have fun.
18:24
Speaker 3: Have you done the stuff you need to do? Is
18:26
Speaker 3: it going to interrupt anything? Do we have clear limits?
18:29
Speaker 3: If all that's in place, go for it.
18:30
Speaker 2: Very good, I've gotten that all down.
18:33
Speaker 1: Doctor Justin Wilson, Thank you so much.
18:35
Speaker 4: Pleasure.
18:36
Speaker 2: If you enjoy the podcast, please take a moment to
18:38
Speaker 2: rate it on iTunes. When you do that it increases
18:41
Speaker 2: the visibility of the podcast and helps more people to
18:43
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Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts and subscribe so that you can hear every
18:49
Speaker 2: episode as soon as it is uploaded. For more information
18:52
Speaker 2: on all of doctor Justin Coilson's books, programs, and podcasts,
18:55
Speaker 2: go to Happy Families dot com dot au. Or if
18:58
Speaker 2: you'd like to have doctor Justin Colson's speak at your
19:00
Speaker 2: school or event, go to Justincolson dot com.