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75 | Mosh Pit Lifeguard · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: I don't I got nothing, man.
• 0:02
  Eric: I do not have a cold open in me.
• 0:04
  Matt: Oh.
• 0:05
  Matt: Oh, yes, you do.
• 0:06
  Eric: I do?
• 0:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:08
  Matt: Yeah, remember?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 0:12
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 0:13
  Eric: Oh, holy fuck.
• 0:14
  Eric: Yeah, I do.
• 0:15
  Eric: Okay.
• 0:15
  Matt: Tell the tale.
• 0:17
  Eric: Oh, babies.
• 0:17
  Eric: Okay, so I I was regaling Matt with this story.
• 0:22
  Eric: Uh and hold on.
• 0:23
  Matt: I just want everyone listening, real quick.
• 0:26
  Matt: Buckle up.
• 0:28
  Eric: I was regaling Matt with this story when I went to go see him in his production of the 39 steps at Next Stop Theater, which fucking slapped.
• 0:39
  Eric: Very kind.
• 0:40
  Eric: I'd tell you all to go buy tickets immediately, but by the time you've you're hearing this, you've already missed the train.
• 0:46
  Eric: Sorry, baby.
• 0:46
  Eric: You missed out.
• 0:47
  Eric: So I I told Matt this story after, you know, when he when he came out to see us afterwards.
• 0:52
  Eric: So Friday, me, Alyssa, Pat, and our friend Reed went to see uh some bands play in DC.
• 1:03
  Eric: Uh, just gonna give them a quick shout-out.
• 1:05
  Eric: We went and saw uh headliner was Soul Glow, Zulu, Wi-Fi God, and Playtime.
• 1:11
  Eric: Um, I'm just gonna let let y'all know, please go listen to these bands.
• 1:15
  Eric: Please listen to Soul Glow.
• 1:17
  Eric: You are fucking up if you don't.
• 1:19
  Eric: If you love hard music, if you love supporting black artists, if you love supporting like just new amazing kick-ass talent, fucking go check them out.
• 1:29
  Eric: You will never regret it.
• 1:31
  Eric: So it it's a it's like a hardcore show.
• 1:33
  Eric: It's like a it's like a punk metal fucking just fucking mosh pit city.
• 1:39
  Eric: And before the show, I was in the bathroom washing my hands.
• 1:43
  Eric: And next Well, before you mosh, you gotta wash the hands before you before you throw it.
• 1:49
  Matt: I assume.
• 1:50
  Matt: Again, yeah, I will never rave.
• 1:55
  Eric: I just love I love that you think going to a rave will in any way resemble going to a fucking mosh pit.
• 2:04
  Matt: I won't, I won't go, I won't mosh and I won't rave.
• 2:07
  Eric: Okay.
• 2:09
  Eric: This is all very topical, as it turns out, because I'm washing my hands in this bathroom at the Soul Glow show.
• 2:16
  Eric: And next to me, at the sink next to me, is like this 19 or 20-year-old, like young, like punk kid.
• 2:23
  Eric: He's got like dreadlocks down in the middle of his back.
• 2:26
  Eric: He's wearing like the ripped red plaid, he's got he's got his punk vest and everything.
• 2:31
  Eric: He he's looking looking good.
• 2:32
  Eric: We both finish washing our hands at the same time.
• 2:35
  Eric: We both look around for something to dry our hands.
• 2:39
  Eric: There's like no like air dryer.
• 2:41
  Eric: I see the lone paper towel dispenser.
• 2:46
  Eric: So I I I walk over to it and I I pull the little lever down.
• 2:52
  Eric: It's dispensing some paper.
• 2:54
  Eric: And like it spits out some paper, and I turn to my my young companion, this, this young, this young punk, and I go, after you, my friend.
• 3:03
  Eric: And like, like, like here, I just dispense the paper, you take the paper, and then I'll, you know.
• 3:08
  Eric: He walks up, takes the fucking paper towel, looks me dead in the eye, and says, You're a little too soft for my tastes.
• 3:17
  Eric: Hope we don't meet in the mosh pit.
• 3:21
  Eric: I just And that is that was like I will think about this kid on my deathbed.
• 3:28
  Eric: What a what what life is he living?
• 3:31
  Matt: What a fucking legend is this kid.
• 3:34
  Matt: You think he's a legend?
• 3:36
  Matt: I think he sounds like a dick.
• 3:38
  Eric: No, this kid I want to be clear.
• 3:42
  Eric: This kid was like five foot five.
• 3:46
  Eric: Had to look a foot up to say this to me.
• 3:51
  Eric: Look up at me and says, You're a little too soft for my tastes.
• 3:57
  Eric: Hope we don't meet in the mosh pit.
• 3:59
  Matt: And when you say kid, I I am imagining he's like 15.
• 4:05
  Matt: That's how I'm putting it in my head now.
• 4:08
  Eric: Like honestly, that only makes it cooler.
• 4:11
  Matt: That's yeah, like I I I'm sure he wasn't, but you keep calling him a kid, so I'm picturing this doe-faced yet locked.
• 4:22
  Eric: You're a little too soft for my taste, mister.
• 4:27
  Matt: So, well, with the attitude of like the two kids on the plane and airplane who were like, I like my coffee black, like my men, you know, like those that's the level of attitude I'm imagining.
• 4:39
  Eric: It it was just so out of left field and beautiful.
• 4:42
  Eric: And I and and and sure enough, this kid was going nuts in the mosh pit all night.
• 4:49
  Eric: He was on stage, like at one point, he just jumped up on stage and was thrashing around with Soul Glow, and they were like all totally like, Yup, it's a Tuesday, and then he just fucking leapt back into the crowd.
• 5:02
  Matt: Uh it was a very good show.
• 5:04
  Matt: Now, Eric, this just sounds, I believe, I'm glad you had listen, I'm glad you had a good time.
• 5:11
  Matt: You would have hated it.
• 5:12
  Matt: You would have absolutely despised it.
• 5:14
  Matt: Everything you are describing is your night.
• 5:17
  Matt: Sounds like it was written by Dante.
• 5:22
  Eric: And in this circle of hell, you will dispense paper towels to ungrateful brats who will threaten you with a mocking.
• 5:31
  Matt: If somehow you convinced me to attend this concert, if that's even the right terminology for this event.
• 5:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 5:43
  Matt: And I was like, okay, before I do anything else, I have to go to the bathroom to screw my courage to the sticking place.
• 5:55
  Matt: And go there, and go there, splash some water in my face, and tell myself it'll be all right.
• 6:02
  Matt: And while I'm doing that, this kid arrives, and I, out of the goodness of my heart, offer him the paper towel before I take it.
• 6:12
  Matt: And he looks at me and says, You're a little too soft for my taste.
• 6:16
  Matt: Hope we don't mean the mosh pit.
• 6:18
  Matt: Whoever I came with won't even get the dignity of me going up to them and saying, I'm out of here.
• 6:27
  Matt: I will, I will Irish goodbye that concert harder than I ever have in my entire life.
• 6:35
  Matt: I will, I, I will be gone.
• 6:37
  Matt: I will disappear into the wind.
• 6:40
  Eric: I've met I've had to make peace with the knowing that the only way I'm ever gonna get you to one of these shows is if I is if I I put the can if I put a can if I have like a stick and a box and the carrot is a Billy Joel concert.
• 6:59
  Eric: I just yank the string and all of a sudden you're just fucking throwing bows in the.
• 7:04
  Matt: I do love that you seem to think that Billy Joel is the only music I listen to.
• 7:14
  Matt: I will have you know that I have a pretty diverse taste in music.
• 7:20
  Matt: That does not mean I want to put myself into something that is called a pit.
• 7:29
  Matt: I've seen Woodstock 99's documentaries.
• 7:33
  Matt: Oh.
• 7:34
  Matt: And that to me is how your life's going.
• 7:38
  Matt: Woodstock 99?
• 7:40
  unknown: Yeah.
• 7:40
  Eric: I'm out here getting French mouth and fucking burning down society?
• 7:45
  Matt: That's how I imagine all of these are going.
• 7:48
  Matt: Hell yeah.
• 7:48
  Matt: Hell yeah.
• 7:50
  unknown: Hell yeah.
• 8:00
  Matt: Well, hello everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions.
• 8:08
  Matt: Something weird happened with my S T there, but that's alright.
• 8:11
  Matt: My name's Matthew Jay.
• 8:13
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 8:14
  Matt: Let's open this pit up.
• 8:16
  Matt: No, no pit.
• 8:17
  Matt: Thank you.
• 8:19
  Matt: Thank you.
• 8:21
  Matt: I will never mosh.
• 8:23
  Matt: Uh, so Eric, uh, how how the hell are you doing these days?
• 8:27
  Eric: Uh man, I've I've become somewhat druidic recently.
• 8:32
  Eric: Yesterday, I uh me and Alyssa gathered black walnuts from the park in front of our house.
• 8:38
  Eric: God damn, what is your life?
• 8:41
  Eric: You're foraging now?
• 8:42
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah, I'm foraging, bro.
• 8:43
  Eric: Bro, I have a cauldron full of black walnut fruit husks that I am soaking overnight so that I may boil them and render them into ink upon which I will scribe my my tome.
• 9:00
  Matt: I not a single part of me thinks you're kidding about that.
• 9:03
  Eric: I'm not even remotely kidding.
• 9:05
  Matt: What is your life?
• 9:06
  Matt: And furthermore, did you watch the first episode of the season's Great British Bickoff?
• 9:12
  Eric: I have not.
• 9:13
  Matt: Because there is a woman there, spoiler alert, who was like, oh, I'm using these that I for these whatever they were, rhubarb that I foraged.
• 9:21
  Matt: And I'm like, who's out here foraging in the year 2023?
• 9:26
  Eric: That lady.
• 9:28
  Matt: But you are foraging, she's actually going to the woods and mushroom hunting or whatever.
• 9:32
  Matt: Yeah.
• 9:32
  Matt: You were just going out to the your sidewalk and I'm foraging in Heritage Park in Dundalk.
• 9:38
  Matt: You you are a wonder to me, Eric.
• 9:41
  Matt: You're attending mosh pits.
• 9:43
  Matt: By night you're moshing.
• 9:45
  Matt: By day, you're foraging for for very easily acquired groceries.
• 9:51
  Eric: Mosher in the streets, forager in the sheets, baby.
• 9:54
  Matt: Forager in the sheets?
• 9:57
  Matt: Interesting.
• 9:58
  Matt: Interesting.
• 9:59
  Matt: It sounds like you and Alyssa are having a great time.
• 10:02
  Eric: A lot of weird things happen in the in the sheets off Route 95.
• 10:06
  Matt: Hmm.
• 10:07
  Matt: I'm just, I want to invite the listeners with me to imagine foraging in the context of sexual intercourse.
• 10:16
  Matt: Begin.
• 10:18
  Matt: That's enough.
• 10:19
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 10:20
  Eric: That was good.
• 10:20
  Eric: That was good.
• 10:21
  Eric: Is that good for you?
• 10:23
  Matt: I first of all, I want to make it clear, in my vision, you're definitely not naked.
• 10:29
  Matt: You're like you're like in a safari outfit.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 10:33
  Eric: I'm like, I'm like fucking like Robin Williams' dad in Jumanji.
• 10:38
  Matt: Like, or like I'm I'm Van Pelt.
• 10:40
  Matt: The hunter, yeah, the Van Pelt.
• 10:43
  Matt: Yeah, for sure.
• 10:44
  Matt: Um, that's amazing.
• 10:45
  Matt: No one can tell me that I'm wrong about that.
• 10:48
  Matt: People can tell me I'm wrong about other things.
• 10:52
  Matt: And in fact, somebody has inspired by the uh our last closing segment, uh Lindsay's Correction Corner.
• 11:02
  Matt: We uh we got a voicemail here on the thought line, Eric.
• 11:06
  Eric: Uh just a quick correction, uh Dr.
• 11:08
  Eric: Lindsay Barr's Correction Corner.
• 11:11
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 11:12
  Matt: Thank you so much.
• 11:13
  Matt: Um, I don't think that's what she called it, but sure.
• 11:16
  Matt: Yes, any any opportunity to plug my wife's doctorate, I am all about.
• 11:21
  Matt: So people know for a fact that I married up.
• 11:25
  Matt: Anyway, I'm gonna place a voicemail now.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, Matt and Eric and uh Zach.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Zach! Heading back from the airport at one o'clock in the morning.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Finishing up your wiggle uh episode with uh very uh uh you don't want the Gregory uh you hear how in the first hurdle movie how Michelangelo uh used the board in the alleyway and uh the delivery guy showed up to deliver the Vita to 122 and 80 rate and Michelangelo and John Hello underneath, and that is where the delivery mana for the$10 bill, and uh there wasn't free for involved, right?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: That is where your mind went, my friend.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: He only gave it a half.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: So uh three months off.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Turtles don't know about giving.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's a whole other thing that you can uh check.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, here's a method for your thought line.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-yeah.
• 13:00
  Matt: Thank you, Zach.
• 13:01
  Matt: First of all, A plus return to the thought line.
• 13:05
  Matt: The one the incomparable Zach Deuce, ladies and gentlemen.
• 13:08
  Eric: Um wise men say forgiveness is divine, never pay full price for late pizza.
• 13:15
  Matt: I and I agree with Michelangelo with that statement, but at the same time, in retrospect, shame on you, Michelangelo, for not tipping this poor delivery driver who you brought to a sewer great.
• 13:28
  Eric: Look at Matt trying to deflect onto a fictional teenage mutant ninjutsu turtle.
• 13:36
  Matt: Eric, please.
• 13:37
  Matt: I'll all I'm saying I'm I I realized shortly after recording the episode, because I w I decided to go back and look for the scene, I realized I was incorrect.
• 13:45
  Matt: And I and I'm so glad that I was able to be called out from such a reliable source.
• 13:52
  Eric: On behalf of myself, on behalf of our listeners, on behalf of Michelangelo and the illustrious Zachy D, the critic for me.
• 14:02
  Eric: Thank you so much.
• 14:04
  Eric: On behalf of all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 14:08
  Eric: God damn you.
• 14:11
  Matt: God damn you to hell.
• 14:14
  Matt: I appreciate that from you.
• 14:16
  Matt: Now, as I was saying, yes, we still uh we still respect tipping uh delivery and service workers, Michelangelo.
• 14:24
  Matt: Yeah, um yeah, we we at least I do.
• 14:27
  Matt: I was trying to get to that point, but Eric was very anti-tipping and indeed anti-the working class.
• 14:35
  Eric: God, you're like a fucking monk in dungeon, just deflecting these missiles of accountability like towards the turn.
• 14:42
  Matt: What are you talking about?
• 14:43
  Matt: I just took accountability.
• 14:44
  Matt: I just said it was my fault.
• 14:45
  Matt: I knew this was happening, and then I admitted that I was that wrongdoing.
• 14:49
  Matt: And I thank, I thanked Zach Deuce, and I thanked our listeners for correcting me.
• 14:54
  Matt: And here you are, after I am just merely pointing out that you don't care about the working man suddenly on the bill.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's that.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's the it's it's that.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: I don't understand what we've done.
• 15:04
  Eric: It doesn't count if you're like, I am so sorry.
• 15:08
  Eric: It's just that you're just such a piece of shit, and I think we should really talk about that right now.
• 15:13
  Matt: That's what I don't think we need to take up more time any more time than we usually do on the subject.
• 15:17
  Matt: I'm just saying that I don't think it should go unmentioned that you don't seem to care that Michelangelo didn't tip the man.
• 15:26
  Matt: God help you if we ever meet in the mosh pit.
• 15:29
  Matt: God help you.
• 15:30
  Matt: Eric, Eric, what we won't.
• 15:33
  Eric: We it will never happen.
• 15:35
  Matt: The only time if I were to show up on the mosh pit, something very bad has happened.
• 15:41
  Matt: Because I I will show up and grab you by the collar because I'm warning you from the future about a calamity.
• 15:50
  Matt: That is the only way.
• 15:52
  Matt: See that I won't.
• 15:53
  Eric: You in a mosh pit would be like seeing my math teacher in like the supermarket.
• 15:58
  Matt: It would be let me ask you this.
• 16:00
  Matt: I don't know.
• 16:00
  Eric: It would like shut down my brain.
• 16:02
  Matt: I think I made it pretty clear that I don't understand fully the vibe of a mosh pit.
• 16:07
  Matt: This is true, but I have no doubt that my presence would kill that vibe.
• 16:18
  Eric: Everyone just kind of stops and just kind of like looks around like like they see it.
• 16:24
  Matt: I have no idea.
• 16:25
  Matt: I have no idea how I would behave in a mosh pit.
• 16:29
  Matt: And the glorious thing, the the thing that brings me so much comfort is that I'll never find out.
• 16:35
  Eric: I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna make this vow now.
• 16:39
  Eric: I'm going to I'm gonna find some elaborate way to trick you into a mosh pit.
• 16:46
  Matt: Eric, if you trick me into a mosh pit, that might be the end of this show and indeed our knowledge of one another.
• 16:55
  Eric: Oh, but what if I can guarantee your safety?
• 16:59
  Matt: See, the fact that you have to guarantee my safety is a perfect example of why I'm not fucking going.
• 17:07
  Eric: Here, here, Matt.
• 17:08
  Eric: Hey, hey, bro, can you just step inside this giant inflatable hamster ball for just a second?
• 17:14
  Eric: Absolutely not.
• 17:15
  Eric: No.
• 17:19
  Eric: Let's get to some questions.
• 17:21
  Matt: No, first, I want to know what you were going to wear.
• 17:25
  Eric: First, I feel like I'm gonna buy you a VR headset.
• 17:30
  Eric: I'm gonna buy a GoPro, and I'm going to live stream a mosh pit to you.
• 17:35
  Eric: Okay.
• 17:36
  Matt: I'm gonna give you some exposure therapy.
• 17:38
  Matt: Eric, this I will consent to.
• 17:41
  Matt: Hell yeah.
• 17:42
  Matt: I will remotely mosh.
• 17:44
  Matt: Yes, I will consent to being a voyeur to the mosh pit.
• 17:51
  Matt: Oh, Matt, oh, he just likes to watch.
• 17:55
  Matt: I just I no no no.
• 17:57
  Matt: I don't even want to put that out there because I don't I don't want to watch.
• 18:03
  Matt: Okay?
• 18:04
  Matt: I don't want to go pro into this, but I will consent to it.
• 18:08
  Matt: I can't be clear about this.
• 18:10
  Matt: I don't want to watch you like Jacques Cousteau go exploring a mosh pit.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: I just narrate it.
• 18:22
  Matt: I just I just will consent to watching it as a compromise to you, my friend, because I am an understanding individual.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_05: What mysteries does this pit hold?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_05: As we as we dive now into a Zimosh pit, first we path the sea of elbows.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_05: We see someone's glasses on the ground, long abandoned.
• 18:48
  Matt: All right, let me ask you this.
• 18:49
  Matt: On average, how many people, just ballpark it for me, how many people are in this mosh pit?
• 18:55
  Eric: Oh, what are they doing?
• 18:57
  Eric: Oh, oh, what are they doing?
• 18:58
  Eric: Okay, the best way I can do that.
• 19:00
  Eric: Besides drugs, besides beside that, very valid.
• 19:04
  Eric: Um, oh, I'm so glad I get to talk about this.
• 19:07
  Eric: There's actually a fascinating culture around moshing.
• 19:10
  Eric: And what kind of thing is that?
• 19:11
  Matt: This isn't this isn't for the record, this is not one of our planned questions.
• 19:14
  Matt: No, I just but we're here, but we're here.
• 19:17
  Eric: Uh so what flavor and size of mosh pit you get depends entirely on what band you are seeing play and where for the most part.
• 19:31
  Eric: Like, I've seen people mosh at a weird owl concert.
• 19:35
  Eric: Okay, I've seen people mosh at like a video like a VGM band concert.
• 19:42
  Matt: Sure, I know those letters.
• 19:44
  Matt: Uh video game music.
• 19:45
  Eric: Oh like pee humans have this weird natural tendency to just want to fucking throw each other around.
• 19:53
  Eric: On one end of the spectrum, like let's say the the the weird owl, you know, fucking mosh pit.
• 20:00
  Eric: People are mostly just standing around in a circle, like, and you know when a mosh pit's about to happen because you'll suddenly see a bunch of people just take a step back from each other in a 360-degree radius and like create a vacuum, and then suddenly that vacuum is filled with people and bodies doing things.
• 20:19
  Eric: Now, on the weird owl end of the spectrum, people will just be like, you know, jumping up and down and bumping their fit, and like essentially a mosh pit is a bunch of people fist fighting each other, but intentionally missing.
• 20:36
  Eric: Now, in the weird owl sense, they're just gonna stand still in one spot and go, and they're all looking at each other and making eye contact, smiling, laughing, like, oh look, we're moshing at weird.
• 20:46
  Matt: Basically, the you you're uh once again doing visuals on an audio medium.
• 20:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 20:51
  Matt: So to describe it for the audience, it just looks like you're doing like a weird arm dance.
• 20:55
  Matt: Like that doesn't seem that out of bounds at a concert for people to be dancing.
• 21:02
  Eric: Exactly.
• 21:02
  Eric: It's it's really just uh in fact, at the lowest end, a mosh pit is like you know, like how in at homecoming in high school, kids would like get in a circle and kids would take turns doing silly like dance moves, people jump in.
• 21:15
  Eric: It's like that, but like multiple people doing it at once and like jumping in, jumping out.
• 21:20
  Eric: Ooh, I did it.
• 21:20
  Matt: Okay.
• 21:21
  Eric: It's novel.
• 21:22
  Eric: Sure.
• 21:23
  Eric: Then like let's say we're at the middle middle of the spectrum, like you're at a show at like let's say you're seeing someone like I don't know, like like P Lander Z, or like, you know, any number of like novelty, like P Lander Z is a sick, awesome band, but like, you know, novelty, we're here to have a good time, like fun punk bands.
• 21:48
  Eric: Now we have moshing where it's okay, we landers incredible band.
• 21:55
  Eric: Please Google them.
• 21:56
  Eric: Please Google them.
• 21:57
  Eric: Matt, I need you to see what they look like, they're incredible.
• 22:00
  Eric: They're a Japanese punk band.
• 22:02
  Eric: They claim to be from the planet P-Lander in the Z system.
• 22:06
  unknown: Jeez.
• 22:07
  Eric: It's it's incre they have a whole mythos and it's incredible.
• 22:10
  Eric: In fact, they're playing tonight at Autobar, I believe.
• 22:13
  Matt: We're not going.
• 22:14
  Eric: We're not going.
• 22:15
  Eric: But like in this level of Mosh, this is like when Mo, this is kind of like the middle of the road, Mario and Mario Kart Mosh pit.
• 22:24
  Eric: People are going to be bouncing off of each other.
• 22:27
  Eric: Like they're going to be like pushing and shoving each other, but in a like, hey, we all agree, we're agreeing to do this with each other.
• 22:34
  Eric: We're just like kind of like getting our energy out.
• 22:36
  Eric: And like, uh, and I and I will say this of every mosh pit I've ever witnessed, the following rule has been observed.
• 22:44
  Eric: If someone trips, like falls over, gets knocked down in a mosh pit, you help a motherfucker up.
• 22:50
  Eric: Like you don't like, everyone's very like everyone has the understanding.
• 22:52
  Matt: If you get knocked, I'm glad to know a basic rule of humanity applies to the mosh pit.
• 22:59
  Eric: The mosh pit is like a microcosm of human society.
• 23:02
  Eric: Like it is, it is it everyone has their role to play.
• 23:06
  Eric: So like in this middle of the ground, we're pushing, we're shoving, but we're we're having we're laughing, we're jumping on each other's shoulders, we're like jumping up and down, we're we're we're you know, we're jumping on each other's shoulders.
• 23:16
  Eric: Eric, you're 33, and I've never felt more alive, baby.
• 23:21
  Eric: Now let's talk about the other end of the spectrum.
• 23:25
  Eric: So okay, so that wasn't it?
• 23:29
  Eric: Oh god, no.
• 23:31
  Eric: Oh god, this is the end of the spectrum.
• 23:35
  Eric: This is soul glow.
• 23:37
  Eric: This is every time I die.
• 23:40
  Eric: This is where the kids go hard.
• 23:42
  Eric: Now there's still that, hey, you know, if someone gets fucked up or knocked down, like we help them out, we you know, we get them out of the pit, what have you.
• 23:49
  Eric: But at this point, this is you're not in that mosh pit unless you are it, unless you are understanding and accepting of the fact you might catch an elbow to the face.
• 24:00
  Eric: It won't be intense, like there's very few people who ever go in a mosh pit like I'm purposely swinging on people, but it's gonna be a lot of people who are I'm gonna be thrashing my limbs around with my eyes closed.
• 24:14
  Eric: Good luck, everyone.
• 24:16
  Eric: And and this is where you get like uh are you?
• 24:19
  Matt: So that sounds like an asshole to me.
• 24:20
  Matt: That sounds like assholeic behavior.
• 24:22
  Eric: It's it's in the in the context of the mosh pit, not ash asshole-ish behavior because everyone's keeping it to the mosh pit, and everyone in the mosh pit is agreeing to be there.
• 24:35
  Eric: Like it it's not like it's any mystery as to what goes on.
• 24:39
  Eric: They're consenting to the violence.
• 24:41
  Eric: Now, there are dickheads you got to be on the lookout for.
• 24:43
  Eric: There are people who like to do something known as crowd killing.
• 24:46
  Eric: I know sounds terrible.
• 24:48
  Eric: Crowd killing is when you're moshing, but like you're launching yourself out of the mosh pit and just throwing your body at like the you know, like the circle of people around you.
• 24:58
  Eric: Like they just kind of like they they go full on multi-ball.
• 25:02
  Matt: Like they're just like there was a global pandemic.
• 25:05
  Matt: Yeah, global pandemic recently.
• 25:09
  Matt: Yep.
• 25:09
  Matt: And it just seems like we've learned nothing as a society.
• 25:14
  Matt: Uh continue with your story of the pit.
• 25:17
  Eric: So, and and we do look like as as general.
• 25:20
  Matt: There's no way this hasn't replaced one of our questions, by the way.
• 25:22
  Matt: Continue.
• 25:23
  Eric: Oh, oh, absolutely.
• 25:24
  Eric: It 100% has.
• 25:26
  Eric: I will also say this it is fascinating seeing the different like modes of moshing.
• 25:33
  Eric: Like, it's unfortunate we're in an audio medium because otherwise, like, I uh it's pointless trying to describe these things.
• 25:39
  Eric: But I will say, people will mosh by spinning their arms around really fast.
• 25:43
  Eric: They'll kick.
• 25:44
  Eric: One dude is my favorite dude.
• 25:46
  Eric: I have seen this guy at like three different shows now.
• 25:49
  Eric: I've never met him, no idea what his name is.
• 25:50
  Eric: All I know is when he's in the pit, he walks like Sasquatch, like just the arms just like swinging back and forth like he's a cryptid, and it's incredible.
• 26:00
  Matt: Um all right, Eric.
• 26:02
  Matt: I'm let's circle the wagons here a little bit.
• 26:04
  Matt: How do you mosh?
• 26:06
  Eric: Uh, my personal, my personal taste is I I hang out in, you know, like we talked about the middle, we talked about the end of like the the the sliders turned all the way up.
• 26:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 26:17
  Eric: I like to sit between those two.
• 26:20
  Eric: I like to I like to go in, I kind of like to be an anchor for people to bounce off of and like throw themselves into.
• 26:27
  Eric: Like people throw themselves into me out.
• 26:29
  Eric: Like I've had people small, like, you know, small enough in the mosh pit uh that I just like they throw themselves in me, I pick them up, I I like I just toss them up and they get caught.
• 26:39
  Eric: It's great.
• 26:39
  Eric: Okay.
• 26:40
  Eric: I I'm also there, I'm looking out, I'm like looking for anyone who like the second someone gets knocked down, I'm like the dude who like like woo-whoop, like make somebody get get a dude up, pat him on the back, make sure, like, hey, you okay, you cool, you cool?
• 26:51
  Eric: They're like, Yeah, and like toss them back in there.
• 26:54
  Eric: I'm I'm I'm almost like a mosh pit lifeguard.
• 26:56
  Eric: I I also usually occupy the edge of mosh pits because I'm there to make sure that someone's out there like crowd killing and trying to swing on random like fucking people that all they hit is a wall of me.
• 27:08
  Eric: Jesus Christ, a wall of me.
• 27:11
  Eric: Uh speaking of walls, are you familiar with what a wall of death is?
• 27:16
  Matt: Uh I mean in like medieval combat, uh, I feel like so a wall of death, man.
• 27:22
  Eric: And these are usually started by the bands, like Soul Glow did this, uh, Zoo or Think Sorry, I think Zulu did this, like a bunch of bands.
• 27:31
  Eric: They did this at every time I die.
• 27:33
  Eric: But a wall of death, Matthew, and you'll know one's about to happen because the lead singer, like whoever's singing on stage, will usually just go, All right, all right, all right, all of you over here.
• 27:44
  Eric: Like he starts making that motion like he's Moses parting the Red Sea, and you'll see the entire crowd get on either side of the room with about like 30 feet of empty space between them.
• 27:58
  Matt: Yeah, again, I would see it only through a GoPro.
• 28:01
  Eric: And then, and then the lead singer will start counting down.
• 28:05
  Eric: He's like, All right, one, two, one, two, three, and then both sides of the room will sprint at each other full speed, and whatever results from that is a wall of death.
• 28:20
  Matt: What do you mean?
• 28:22
  Matt: What do you mean, whatever results from that?
• 28:25
  Matt: Some people will be concussed.
• 28:27
  Eric: It is a bloody cosmic dice every time you you use it.
• 28:32
  Matt: And you enjoy this.
• 28:33
  Matt: Everything that you've said, you enjoy.
• 28:35
  Matt: You get enjoyment out of it.
• 28:37
  Eric: I will never do wall of death, is where I draw the line because everyone's gonna be crouched down and and like fucking running.
• 28:51
  Eric: Am I wrong?
• 28:52
  Eric: Am I wrong?
• 28:53
  Eric: You just you nailed it.
• 28:55
  Eric: That is that is it is everyone, and that is why like I I tend to not stay in mosh pits too long because after a certain point, everyone's crouched real low, swinging elbows at my dick level.
• 29:06
  Eric: And I'm just like, all right, bye.
• 29:07
  Eric: Eric, Eric, Eric.
• 29:10
  Eric: What?
• 29:11
  Eric: I do not participate in walls of death.
• 29:13
  Eric: Uh what I will do is when they're about to happen, I'm just sitting there behind everyone patting them on the back, like, hey, you've got this.
• 29:19
  Eric: I'm the tiger.
• 29:21
  Matt: Now you know when I say this, I mean no offense.
• 29:23
  Matt: You know.
• 29:24
  Eric: I oh I know.
• 29:25
  Eric: Go on.
• 29:25
  Matt: I think you need a new therapist.
• 29:27
  Matt: I don't think it's working for you.
• 29:28
  Matt: I think I think you've I think you've hit a wall, pardon the term.
• 29:34
  Eric: I think Is it fucked up that my therapist is also named Eric?
• 29:39
  Eric: Okay, you first of all, you should examine that.
• 29:42
  Matt: You should take a on a very serious note.
• 29:44
  Matt: You should take a hard look at that.
• 29:47
  Eric: In my defense, he was recommended by a friend.
• 29:49
  Eric: Like it wasn't like I scrolled through the roller deck.
• 29:52
  Eric: No, my friend was like, Oh, I actually have a colleague who's amazing, and you I think he'd suit you really well, and his name is also Eric.
• 29:59
  Matt: Oh man.
• 30:00
  Matt: Uh rules.
• 30:03
  Matt: Great.
• 30:03
  Matt: Uh okay.
• 30:04
  Matt: I'm just like, I'm just still trying you've told me your tale.
• 30:09
  Matt: You've experienced I feel as though I've experienced the the mosh bit because I'm already getting a little sweaty and anxious.
• 30:16
  Matt: And I just how is it fun?
• 30:20
  Eric: Where does the fun happen?
• 30:22
  Eric: It is, it is like this, and I'll get serious for a second.
• 30:25
  Eric: It is this indescribable experience because you are you're like, so you're at the show, you're in this sea of bodies.
• 30:33
  Eric: There is music blasting, like the kind of bass you feel in your fucking chest.
• 30:38
  Eric: Like it is like your whole body is shaking with this music, and it activates something very primal in our brains.
• 30:45
  Eric: Like, it's just this consensual, like and and like it's and and the cool thing about it is like as the years have gone on, like you know, when we were younger, um, and Pat and Alyssa have way more experience with this than I ever will.
• 31:00
  Eric: Like, they they have been in the punk scene and in the metal scene for so long, and it's so cool watching this evolution because like back in the day, it was just all dudes, like all big aggro sweaty dudes just fucking elbowing each other, but it's evolved into this like shared human experience, like men, women, young, old, like all saying, like, we're in this, and just fucking throwing each other around and fucking going nuts and like releasing all this pent-up bullshit in their brains.
• 31:32
  Eric: And like, and I know this sounds so fucking like antithetical to what the actual act is, but it's like such a a moment of community and like coming together to to to just like consensually fuck each other up.
• 31:51
  Matt: Eric.
• 31:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 31:53
  Matt: Minus maybe the word consensually, I want you to be aware that everything you are describing, this primal instinct, the thrashing, the the unspoken rhythm bursting forth from one's own spirituality.
• 32:13
  Matt: It sounds a lot to me like the Stanford Prison Experiment.
• 32:18
  Matt: That's what it sounds like to me is happening.
• 32:20
  Eric: The experiment never ended, baby.
• 32:22
  Eric: It just changed venue.
• 32:24
  Eric: It just I just uh Eric, thank first of all, thank you for sharing your experience.
• 32:31
  Eric: Of course.
• 32:32
  Eric: Now, everyone, go listen to SoulGlow and go mosh with your friends.
• 32:36
  Matt: Eric, you uh I'll tell you what, Eric, I'll make you the promise that I will Spotify myself some Soul Glow.
• 32:45
  Matt: You have you have to know that I can I can't imagine, I don't want to be pessimistic, God forbid.
• 32:52
  Matt: But I can't imagine I last more than 15 seconds.
• 32:55
  Eric: I don't think you're the target demographic, and that's okay.
• 32:59
  Eric: That is okay.
• 33:03
  Matt: All right.
• 33:04
  Matt: Should we potentially answer a question?
• 33:08
  Eric: Answer one of our actual questions, which speaking of, I I will I would love to introduce this one, Matt.
• 33:14
  Eric: How would Clifford the big red dog live in real life?
• 33:17
  Eric: Now we're talking.
• 33:19
  Eric: Now we're fucking digging where there's taters, Mike.
• 33:22
  Matt: Now we're getting into the nitty-gritty.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_05: Now we're gonna get nasty.
• 33:27
  Matt: Uh I don't again, I don't know how I'm gonna bill the first 30 plus minutes of this show.
• 33:32
  Matt: Perhaps it'll just be how how does one mosh?
• 33:36
  Matt: Um but um thank you for enlightening me.
• 33:43
  Matt: But uh with all due respect, Eric, we gotta get down to brass tacks.
• 33:48
  Matt: We gotta get down to the important business of the day, which is Clifford the big red dog.
• 33:53
  Matt: You know him.
• 33:53
  Matt: This big, big red dog.
• 33:55
  Matt: You love him.
• 33:55
  Matt: Now, the first question I think, Eric, is how big actually is Clifford the big red dog?
• 34:04
  Eric: Yeah.
• 34:04
  Matt: Now, I I I went ahead.
• 34:07
  Eric: I I do want to say before you give what I'm sure is amazing expository information from Wikipedia Donate today, um Yes.
• 34:19
  Eric: Um Yes, I'll I do want to say this is very simple.
• 34:23
  Eric: If the question is literally like, how would Clifford live?
• 34:27
  Eric: Like, how would he be a living, like how would he function as a living creature?
• 34:31
  Eric: Well, the answer is he wouldn't.
• 34:34
  Eric: But assuming the big red dog can kind of solve that the giant's paradox.
• 34:41
  Matt: You're you're saying he would be killed by the military.
• 34:44
  Matt: Is that what you're trying to do?
• 34:45
  Eric: No, I'm saying he'd probably be crushed under his own weight in his boat, like, like, you know, there's there's a r things things like that don't don't make no sense.
• 34:55
  Matt: Alright.
• 34:55
  Matt: Well, first of all, Eric, I don't I don't I don't believe that.
• 34:59
  Eric: I don't either like I like in my heart of hearts, because n well we all know dogs can't die.
• 35:06
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 35:07
  Eric: Like that's just that's science.
• 35:10
  Matt: Before we go any further down that depressing road, Clifford the Big Red Dog, who originally appeared in 1963's Clifford the Big Red Dog.
• 35:21
  Eric: Oh shit.
• 35:21
  Eric: Okay.
• 35:22
  Matt: I know.
• 35:22
  Matt: Uh in in this, it is referenced that he is uh twent about twenty-five feet from paws to head.
• 35:35
  Matt: But that's as many as twenty-five rulers.
• 35:38
  Matt: Big asterisk here, he does appear bigger throughout his various appearances.
• 35:47
  Matt: Now, that said, that said, That's when he was first introduced, he was a two-year-old male red dog, shown to be about twenty-five feet tall.
• 35:58
  Matt: And that's just him standing on his feet, not him standing on his hind legs, of course.
• 36:04
  Eric: Of course.
• 36:04
  Matt: So, so if he's only two, he's still a puppy.
• 36:09
  Matt: So he's your little puppy.
• 36:11
  Matt: He's gonna get bigger.
• 36:12
  Matt: He's gonna get bigger.
• 36:13
  Matt: So if we assume he doubles in size, that's 50 feet before he stands up.
• 36:20
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 36:21
  Matt: Oh wow.
• 36:22
  Matt: So how tall is a story?
• 36:23
  Matt: Ten feet?
• 36:24
  Matt: I think.
• 36:25
  Matt: How tall is a story?
• 36:27
  Eric: Well, that reminds me of this one time I was telling stories and 14 feet, actually.
• 36:34
  Matt: Oh, okay, okay.
• 36:36
  Matt: So just some real quick math here.
• 36:39
  Matt: That's three and a half stories tall.
• 36:42
  Matt: Hell yeah.
• 36:43
  Matt: Good boy.
• 36:44
  Matt: Is a fully grown Clifford in his upright position, not excited and jumping on people.
• 36:54
  Matt: So if if he's jumping like up a building, that's that's what, like seven stories.
• 37:02
  Eric: Yeah, dogs have like an eight, nine story vertical.
• 37:05
  Matt: Easy.
• 37:06
  Eric: Easy.
• 37:07
  Matt: So he he would fuck a city up if he decided to go through a city.
• 37:14
  Eric: Oh my god, like he's disastrous for like you have to like basically have him out on a farm with like its own ice like deep underground buried sewer system.
• 37:25
  Eric: He's gonna wreak havoc on any like underground lines and sewage pipes.
• 37:30
  Eric: Fuck it, like just by stepping on the earth.
• 37:34
  Matt: So you're saying he literally needs a farm, like a prairie.
• 37:38
  Matt: He needs he needs like a prairie.
• 37:41
  Matt: Yeah, he needs like a moor.
• 37:44
  Eric: He needs like, oh yeah, yeah.
• 37:46
  Matt: He needs he needs to live in Scotland.
• 37:48
  Eric: More like the cliffs of Rover.
• 37:50
  Eric: Am I right, folks?
• 37:51
  Eric: More like the cliffs of Rover.
• 37:53
  Matt: Oh, he's a comedian.
• 37:55
  Matt: Uh uh anyway.
• 37:59
  Matt: Anywho, but beyond his pure size and the fact that he could destroy a city with ease, how how's he gonna eat?
• 38:08
  Eric: Yeah, logistics-wise, my dude, that dog's gotta eat like a garbage truck worth of kibble every day.
• 38:16
  Eric: He's gotta have a lake that he can just get away.
• 38:18
  Matt: He's gonna need a he's gonna need a staff, basically.
• 38:21
  Eric: He will he will he much like Paul Bunyan and his flapjacks, our boy Cliff, Cliffy, good, good boy, he'll need like a whole staff.
• 38:30
  Matt: He'll need like in a way, a staff is not doing it justice.
• 38:34
  Matt: Because what he really, he's gonna need like a department of transportation sized level staff to be bringing him truckloads of dog food.
• 38:45
  Matt: Yes.
• 38:46
  Matt: Which he's gonna plow right through.
• 38:49
  Eric: Because he's a dog.
• 38:50
  Eric: He's he's a dog.
• 38:55
  Eric: The department of Clifford.
• 38:57
  Eric: The Department of Clifford.
• 38:58
  Matt: There'll be a s I think it's fair to say if Clifford was a real thing and a real American, we would have a secretary of Clifford, I think.
• 39:06
  Matt: Oh, one uh 100%.
• 39:08
  Matt: An entire branch of the military, potentially, dedicated to the healthy maintaining of Clifford the Big Red.
• 39:18
  Eric: The National Guard would pretty much be on poop duty.
• 39:20
  Matt: The National Guard would be redirected to be the National Dog Guard.
• 39:26
  Matt: The National Clifford Guard.
• 39:28
  Eric: Which, if that was a thing, if like if we were if like sign me up.
• 39:33
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, sign me the fuck up.
• 39:34
  Eric: Like the day, you know, if a day ever comes where all armies disarm, or like we should just convert to like all our standing armies, you just you just serve dogs now.
• 39:43
  Matt: But this has got me thinking, Eric, because America's America, how long before the military want to train Clifford to be a fighter?
• 39:51
  Eric: See, that is the second I I you know what?
• 39:54
  Eric: How long before they want to?
• 39:56
  Eric: Instantly, how long before they do?
• 39:59
  Eric: See, that's the thing, because the second, the fucking second that like it even is suggested that the military is trying to militarize that big, beautiful red, red boy, it'll be social upheaval.
• 40:16
  Eric: Like it'll absolutely it'll and it's not like they can like hide, it's not like they can hide him.
• 40:22
  Eric: It's not like they're like, oh, like let's just sure people forget about the the giant good good boy.
• 40:29
  Eric: Because where are you gonna put him?
• 40:31
  Eric: Where the fuck?
• 40:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 40:33
  Eric: He's blocks long.
• 40:35
  Eric: He shows up on Google satellite, probably.
• 40:38
  Matt: A hundred percent like you know how Christmas time they've got the no-rad Santa tracker.
• 40:46
  Matt: Yes.
• 40:47
  Matt: Well, this just will be real.
• 40:49
  Matt: There'll be there, could honestly be a tracker for where is Clifford right now?
• 40:54
  Matt: Yeah, can I get to work?
• 40:55
  Matt: Yeah, you know, or has he once again crushed the Pennsylvania Turnpike?
• 41:01
  Eric: Yes.
• 41:01
  Eric: Uh oh man, yeah.
• 41:03
  Eric: When he gets loose, it'll be the most adorable thing because it'll be causing like all this stress.
• 41:07
  Eric: He won't hurt anybody because he's a dog.
• 41:09
  Eric: Like he he's a good, good boy.
• 41:11
  Eric: Well, he won't hurt anyone intentionally.
• 41:12
  Eric: He won't hurt anyone intentionally, he'll hurt a lot of infrastructure, and it'll be a lot of like like we we wheeling, wheeling the squeaky toy.
• 41:21
  Matt: He's three and a half stories tall.
• 41:23
  Matt: He's gonna crush a car not realizing what he's done.
• 41:26
  Eric: Yeah, but like, man, we we teach you, we'd be like, Clifford, no.
• 41:31
  Matt: Which is which is Clifford, get that out of your mouth.
• 41:34
  Matt: That's a UPS truck.
• 41:35
  Eric: That that'll be the hilarious thing, is like we have like all the army dudes driving up in Humvees, like this is Godzilla, but they're like giant loudspeakers, and there's like a four-star general going, Clifford, don't make us count to three.
• 41:49
  Matt: They have a catapult that just has a giant tennis ball on it that they launch towards the Great Plains so he can he can go he can go over there, which is why again I'm gonna bring up the Moors because I feel like he needs to be corralled into a place.
• 42:12
  Matt: Yes, like we need to give him, and apologies to anyone who actually lives here.
• 42:17
  Matt: We need to like give him Greenland and like basically so he can just have that to run around.
• 42:25
  Eric: Someone's gonna have to take one for the team and just give up their sovereign nation for Cliff or absolutely.
• 42:30
  Matt: He's gonna need a big ol' eye, like we're gonna need a skull island, but just so he cannot crush Route 95.
• 42:39
  Eric: And honestly, I'm sorry.
• 42:40
  Eric: What are we asking them to take on any undue burden?
• 42:44
  Eric: Sorry, oh yeah, here have free tourist money for the rest of your country's existence.
• 42:50
  Matt: Oh, yeah, because people, first of all, Clifford's a moneymaker, okay?
• 42:56
  Matt: Clifford, I'm not traveling to see Clifford?
• 42:59
  Eric: Yeah.
• 43:00
  Eric: Clifford is is the most non-fungible token.
• 43:04
  Eric: Like he is like, you can't no one else is getting in on that game.
• 43:08
  Eric: No one else is no one's gonna funge your dog.
• 43:11
  Eric: No, God forbid.
• 43:13
  Eric: God forbid.
• 43:14
  Eric: I wouldn't I wouldn't is it gonna cost a lot to feed him?
• 43:17
  Eric: Yes.
• 43:18
  Eric: Is it gonna cost a lot to clean up his poot?
• 43:20
  Eric: That's free fertilizer, that's paying dividends, baby.
• 43:24
  Eric: As long as you give good good boy lots of space, you're good.
• 43:27
  Eric: Free money machine.
• 43:29
  Matt: So I so if Clifford was real, he would need a s a whole nation, basically, to call his own so just so he doesn't hurt anybody.
• 43:39
  Matt: Just so he doesn't hurt anybody.
• 43:41
  Eric: I'm now also thinking logistics, because as a as a wise, wise, wise man once said pour one out for Bob, help protect the pet population, have your pet spayer neutered.
• 43:54
  Eric: I don't know why, but like instinctually, my brain tells me it's like some.
• 44:00
  Eric: More unethical to give Cliff the snip.
• 44:04
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 44:04
  Eric: It feels weird when it's when he's like the only one of his species.
• 44:09
  Eric: How?
• 44:10
  Eric: But on the other hand, I I really like we're talking about collateral damage.
• 44:16
  Matt: His parents are normal-sized dogs.
• 44:19
  Matt: His parents are normal-sized dogs?
• 44:21
  Matt: His parents are normal sized dogs.
• 44:23
  Matt: That's the whole thing about Clifford.
• 44:24
  Matt: He is an anomaly.
• 44:25
  Eric: So like this is where we're going to get a little uh yucky.
• 44:30
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 44:31
  Eric: But like, I'm the what's the word?
• 44:33
  Eric: The implications of an unshorn Clifford the big red dog.
• 44:38
  Eric: How would you do it?
• 44:40
  Matt: That's I'm like, bruh, like, it's gonna be so I mean, honestly, what level of what level of tranquilizer will be necessary to if it's even possible to to anesthetise this dog long enough for the surgery.
• 44:56
  Eric: Oh wait, I think I just solved the fentanyl crisis.
• 45:01
  Matt: Oh man, sorry.
• 45:02
  Eric: We're gonna need a lot in order to give this dog a nap long enough to go snip snip.
• 45:09
  Matt: But again, how is that gonna happen?
• 45:14
  Matt: Chainsaw?
• 45:15
  Matt: Chainsaw.
• 45:16
  Eric: Oh god.
• 45:18
  Eric: Say uh katana.
• 45:20
  Matt: A c a katana.
• 45:21
  Matt: Eric, he's three and a half stories tall.
• 45:24
  Matt: Yeah, you're gonna need a mighty warrior to wield it.
• 45:28
  Matt: That that means his nuts are the size of a ballroom, not the not a katana.
• 45:34
  Eric: He's yeah, he's gonna be big.
• 45:35
  Eric: He's gonna be he's not gonna.
• 45:37
  Matt: I'm just saying you could use a katana, but it's not gonna be like and it's gone.
• 45:41
  Matt: It's not long enough.
• 45:42
  Eric: Oh god, what what cone?
• 45:45
  Matt: What cone could could mankind concept?
• 45:48
  Matt: What cone could be constructed?
• 45:51
  Matt: You cannot conceive.
• 45:52
  Matt: Now, can you imagine Clifford the big red dog with a big white cone around?
• 45:58
  Eric: A cone that blots out the sun.
• 46:00
  Matt: I don't know the last time you saw a dog with a cone, but they hate it.
• 46:05
  Matt: They do not like it.
• 46:07
  Matt: They very much dislike the cone, and they tend to thrash about with the cone.
• 46:16
  Eric: We are now on the fifth magnitude nine earthquake following the fixing of Clifford the Big Red Dog, ten million dead.
• 46:26
  Matt: I mean, that again.
• 46:27
  Matt: Well, he first of all has to be fixed once he's been relocated to Greenland.
• 46:33
  Eric: Oh man.
• 46:33
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 46:34
  Matt: Greenland has been safely evacuated.
• 46:36
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 46:37
  Eric: Well, once we safely evacuated Greenland, by the way, Greenland, you're gonna have to like when we said give up your country, we we're gonna need you to go.
• 46:44
  Matt: You're gonna it's it's out of there, so he has again room to run around, and it will in fact be renamed Cliffordland.
• 46:51
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 46:52
  Matt: Got to be.
• 46:54
  Matt: Or perhaps it could just be the Big Red Land.
• 46:58
  Eric: The Big Red Land.
• 47:00
  Eric: Oh, I like that one.
• 47:02
  Eric: Oh, let's do that one.
• 47:04
  Matt: I like that one.
• 47:05
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 47:06
  Matt: Oh, stunning, stunning.
• 47:09
  Matt: The Richter scale is showing stunning results coming out of Big Red Land today.
• 47:16
  Matt: Clifford Clifford was chasing a crow.
• 47:20
  Eric: Oh man.
• 47:22
  Eric: Yeah, like this is this is where this is honestly where the most like they're gonna the UN's gonna have to call a session just to discuss the merits of fixing versus non-fixing.
• 47:32
  Eric: Because like, if you don't fix him, ooh.
• 47:35
  Matt: Well, here's the thing.
• 47:37
  Matt: I don't think we need to fix Clifford.
• 47:39
  Matt: And I'll tell you why.
• 47:41
  Matt: There's no other one.
• 47:42
  Matt: There's no other one.
• 47:44
  Eric: I I that is valid.
• 47:46
  Eric: That I wanna I wanna open with that is valid.
• 47:49
  Matt: If a giant female dog started showing up, then I think we have to have the conversations of these two dogs can never meet.
• 48:00
  Eric: Yeah, but let me hit you with this.
• 48:03
  Eric: Has the absence of a female dog ever deterred a fellow dog from like answering the call of nature, so to speak?
• 48:13
  Matt: No, but I thought you were talking about fixing him to prevent other big red dogs.
• 48:19
  Eric: Oh, no.
• 48:20
  Eric: I mean, honestly, that might be one huge thing.
• 48:23
  Eric: Like, they might not want to fix him because they want to make more of him.
• 48:26
  Matt: Again, the the social fallout from trying to.
• 48:29
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 48:30
  Eric: Yeah, no, this is let let's let's stop dancing around it.
• 48:32
  Eric: Clifford the big red dog will be the reason our society collapses.
• 48:37
  Eric: In lieu of a of a big red, in lieu of a big red bitch.
• 48:43
  Matt: In in lieu of the big red bitch.
• 48:45
  Eric: Our boy is gonna look for the next best thing, and that might be a that this is why it has to be Greenland, because otherwise he's gonna go to the nearest population center, find the sexiest skyscraper, and just go to town.
• 49:00
  Matt: Got to.
• 49:01
  Matt: Got to.
• 49:02
  Matt: That's why he needs to be left somewhat alone to his own devices.
• 49:06
  Matt: I think he needs to be left alone to his own devices.
• 49:09
  Matt: Now, how you mentioned tourism.
• 49:11
  Matt: How would one safely visit Clifford?
• 49:14
  Eric: So I feel like from what I because Clifford in the books, he had that that little girl was his own Emily.
• 49:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:20
  Eric: Emily, he always seemed fine.
• 49:21
  Eric: Like, so I imagine as long as he sees you, you're good.
• 49:25
  Eric: Like once he clocks that you're there, like, oh hello, you're a little, like, you're a little human.
• 49:29
  Eric: So that's kind of like you need a big open range.
• 49:32
  Eric: You need to like approach, approach in, you know, like what about a blimp?
• 49:38
  Matt: A blimp from a non from a non-Clifford jumpable distance.
• 49:43
  Eric: I was gonna say, because a blimp might resemble a thrown football to our boy.
• 49:48
  Matt: So oh, absolutely.
• 49:50
  Matt: That's why it's gotta be high enough that he can't jump to get it.
• 49:54
  Matt: Yeah.
• 49:54
  Matt: But the it gives you the aerial view.
• 49:57
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:58
  Matt: You could also uh uh because you can't zoo it, you know, like there's no walls that'll hold him.
• 50:04
  Eric: No, God no.
• 50:06
  Eric: They haven't they haven't built the crate that could hold this dog.
• 50:09
  Matt: No, no crate.
• 50:10
  Matt: He he will not be crate trained.
• 50:11
  Eric: Clifford the Crateless.
• 50:13
  Matt: Clifford the Crateless.
• 50:15
  Matt: Indeed.
• 50:16
  Eric: But yeah, uh very carefully is how I would answer the question of Tor.
• 50:21
  Eric: Uh just like, you know, feel it out.
• 50:23
  Eric: The waivers you have to sign.
• 50:26
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 50:27
  Eric: The waivers a mile.
• 50:28
  Eric: Well, another well, Greenland won't really I mean at this point, Greenland is will basically be international waters.
• 50:34
  Eric: There will be no need for law in Clifford's domain.
• 50:36
  Eric: Excuse me.
• 50:37
  Eric: He is the law.
• 50:38
  Matt: Excuse me, big red land.
• 50:40
  Eric: The big red land, thank you.
• 50:41
  Matt: Big red land.
• 50:42
  Eric: Uh there is no there is no law, only this big red paw.
• 50:47
  Matt: Paw is the law out here.
• 50:48
  Matt: Paws the law, as they say.
• 50:51
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, truly.
• 50:52
  Matt: I mean, because in the face of Clifford, what is the Constitution?
• 50:57
  Matt: You know?
• 51:02
  Eric: Your amendments hold no sway here?
• 51:05
  Matt: What what is the the House of Representatives going to do in the face of a of uh an event of a topic that could literally destroy it just by walking into it?
• 51:21
  Eric: Yeah, it is he's gonna Clifford the big red dog is going to infuriate some people.
• 51:28
  Eric: Oh, you can't because for all their might and power, there's nothing they can do to Clifford.
• 51:34
  Matt: No, absolutely not.
• 51:35
  Matt: Come on.
• 51:36
  Matt: And they'll try.
• 51:37
  Matt: Someone will try.
• 51:38
  Matt: Oh, god willing, that's the thing.
• 51:39
  Matt: That'll be the start of World War III, I think.
• 51:41
  Eric: Yeah, and and it will be it will be you're either with Clifford or you're fucking dead.
• 51:47
  Eric: That's World War III.
• 51:48
  Matt: I couldn't agree more.
• 51:49
  Matt: You are either an ally of Clifford.
• 51:52
  Eric: This is how God King Clifford comes to be.
• 51:56
  Eric: Absolutely, yes.
• 51:57
  Eric: And he won't have to do anything.
• 51:59
  Eric: We will we will blom bomb ourselves back to the Stone Age fighting about Clifford, and then Clifford will just kind of become like the the new god king of whatever remains.
• 52:11
  Eric: Just like people will worship him.
• 52:12
  Matt: Clifford will be the last one standing.
• 52:14
  Matt: Yeah.
• 52:15
  Matt: He will be the designated survivor.
• 52:17
  Eric: He he is the the alpha good boy.
• 52:21
  Matt: Abs a hundred percent.
• 52:23
  Matt: Yes.
• 52:23
  Matt: And in which case, again, I don't think I don't think he should be fixed.
• 52:28
  Eric: No, there ain't nothing to fix.
• 52:29
  Eric: Can't fix what ain't broken.
• 52:31
  Matt: There ain't nothing to fix.
• 52:34
  Eric: Can't fix what ain't broken.
• 52:35
  Matt: Can't fix what ain't broken.
• 52:36
  Matt: Let him hang, Cliff.
• 52:39
  Eric: Let him fucking hang.
• 52:41
  Matt: Let him hang, my boy.
• 52:43
  Matt: Now then, Eric.
• 52:45
  Eric: Yes.
• 52:45
  Matt: We have talked about two things so far on this episode.
• 52:48
  Matt: Yes, we have.
• 52:50
  Matt: And they are Mosh Pitts and Clifford the Big Red Dog.
• 52:53
  Eric: What a good, what a good Tuesday.
• 52:56
  Eric: It is now uh This is we can confidently say this is Tuesday for us.
• 53:05
  Matt: On our current recording track, we have just passed the hour mark.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: Hell yeah.
• 53:11
  Matt: Should we bolt right to our closing question?
• 53:16
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 53:18
  Eric: Let's do some aftercare.
• 53:20
  Eric: Let's do some aftercare with a little cooldown question.
• 53:23
  Matt: Okay.
• 53:23
  Matt: From God forbid, something that actually came from a listener.
• 53:27
  Matt: Um, okay, so this this one, this one comes from our good, good friends over at Against All Oddities, uh, the podcast.
• 53:38
  Matt: And you can find them on Twitter at AAO Podcast.
• 53:43
  Matt: That's at AAO Podcast.
• 53:45
  Matt: And of course, Good Pods and all the other places you listen to podcasts, you can find Against All Oddities.
• 53:51
  Matt: They ask an important circle back follow-up question, and it is JG Toesworth is walking down the street with a suitcase and a brown paper bag.
• 54:01
  Eric: You remember our friend?
• 54:02
  Eric: JG Toesworth, 877 Toes Now.
• 54:06
  Matt: You currently have all your toes and are expecting him to make an offer.
• 54:11
  Matt: He does, but not for your toes.
• 54:14
  Matt: What?
• 54:15
  Matt: He opens the brown paper bag to reveal someone else's big toe that has been cooked as you would your favorite buffalo wing.
• 54:28
  Matt: The suitcase has cash.
• 54:31
  Matt: The question is, what's your dollar amount to eat all the meat off the toe while he's watching?
• 54:41
  Matt: And again, he is JG Toesworth.
• 54:45
  Eric: And I can only imagine that he says cash the way you just did.
• 54:50
  Eric: Like, hey, I got cash.
• 54:52
  Matt: I I went straight for uh, you know, music man cash for the marketplace.
• 54:59
  Matt: Cash I got cash for them little pitties.
• 55:02
  Matt: Cash for toes, yeah.
• 55:04
  Eric: Uh so you're telling me JG Toesworth has approached me.
• 55:09
  Matt: He has opened up his little brown bag, but he no longer is interested in your toe.
• 55:14
  Eric: No, no longer interested in my toe.
• 55:16
  Eric: It is someone else's big toe.
• 55:18
  Matt: So you're telling me that he has And somehow he knows your favorite Buffalo wing sauce.
• 55:25
  Eric: That's what I'm getting at.
• 55:25
  Eric: So somehow he has he has taken some Frank's Red Hot.
• 55:30
  Eric: He has melted like half a stick of butter, whisked them together, he has added grated parmesan and garlic to that sauce.
• 55:38
  Eric: He has hard-fried that big toe.
• 55:41
  Eric: You have a very specific favorite wing.
• 55:44
  Eric: I do.
• 55:45
  Eric: It's the wings from Ibar.
• 55:47
  Eric: Absolutely interesting to me.
• 55:48
  Eric: They're very tasty.
• 55:50
  Eric: That like this is the fucked up thing.
• 55:52
  Eric: My mouth is already water, watering, just like describing it.
• 55:55
  Matt: And so he knows this about which you, which means he's stalked you to a certain degree.
• 55:59
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 56:00
  Eric: He hey, JG Toesworth is nothing if not thorough.
• 56:05
  Matt: He puts in the work.
• 56:07
  Matt: Eric, what's your dollar amount to eat that toe?
• 56:10
  Eric: Does he give now, Matt?
• 56:11
  Eric: I'm gonna let you be arbiter of this next part.
• 56:14
  Eric: I'm a s it is prepared as my favorite wing.
• 56:16
  Eric: Does that mean it's coming with the blue cheese?
• 56:19
  Eric: Also, sorry, let's just establish this now.
• 56:22
  Eric: Ranch or blue cheese with your hot wings?
• 56:25
  Eric: Matt, don't fucking not 75 episodes in.
• 56:29
  Eric: Don't fucking do this to me 75 episodes in.
• 56:33
  Eric: Matt, ranch or blue cheese.
• 56:34
  Eric: Huh?
• 56:35
  Eric: I hate blue cheese.
• 56:37
  Eric: Fuck you.
• 56:38
  Eric: I despise blue cheese.
• 56:40
  Eric: God damn you.
• 56:42
  Eric: And I'm gonna circle back, follow up to like 50 minutes ago.
• 56:46
  Matt: God damn you.
• 56:48
  Matt: Now, Eric.
• 56:49
  Matt: So, first of all, of course ranch.
• 56:51
  Matt: Ranch can go on anything.
• 56:52
  Matt: It it's a good thing.
• 56:55
  Eric: I love ranch, but god damn you, not into blue cheese.
• 56:59
  Matt: I'm sorry.
• 56:59
  Eric: I've tried.
• 57:00
  Eric: We're gonna ask Pat.
• 57:02
  Eric: Yep.
• 57:03
  Eric: We're we're this is the part where we stop talking about it.
• 57:05
  Eric: This is the part where we where we just we just look each other dead in the eyes.
• 57:09
  Eric: We know that we that this will always be hanging over us.
• 57:12
  Eric: It's mold.
• 57:14
  Eric: All cheese is mold.
• 57:15
  Matt: I'm just saying that's why it's nasty, because it tastes like what it is, as opposed to other cheese.
• 57:20
  Matt: And I'm pretty sure not all cheese is mold, is like a would the blue cheese be included with my deep fried big toe?
• 57:27
  Matt: Well, for you specifically, of course, because it says your favorite thing.
• 57:30
  Matt: Thank God.
• 57:32
  Eric: Alright.
• 57:33
  Eric: So I do it.
• 57:36
  Eric: How much would I need to take?
• 57:37
  Eric: I'm because I'm I'm I'm trying like I could throw like oh 10 million dollars.
• 57:40
  Eric: No, I want I I like to find the number just where I'm starting to doubt myself.
• 57:46
  Eric: Like that like as low as I could go.
• 57:49
  Eric: Yeah.
• 57:50
  Eric: Oh man.
• 57:52
  Eric: Um 20,000.
• 57:55
  Matt: 20,000 is as low as you could go.
• 57:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 57:59
  Eric: Uh cannibalism.
• 58:00
  Eric: I've also read that feet are the least tasty part of a human being.
• 58:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 58:05
  Matt: Well, I would think so.
• 58:06
  Matt: I mean, they're beaten into the ground on a daily basis.
• 58:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:11
  Matt: So they gotta be tough at the very least.
• 58:13
  Eric: It's gonna, you're gonna be working hard at that.
• 58:16
  Matt: It's not wagyu here.
• 58:17
  Eric: That's including the nail.
• 58:19
  Eric: Oh, God, I forgot about the nail.
• 58:21
  Eric: Yeah, you're gonna have to negotiate that nail.
• 58:23
  Matt: I don't want to do that.
• 58:24
  Matt: The so here's the thing, Eric.
• 58:27
  Matt: If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna I I gotta make sure that the the the trade for me is uh honestly unbalanced.
• 58:38
  Matt: Because what I'm gonna do, I can't forget I did.
• 58:40
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 58:41
  Eric: No, yeah, that'll live with you for the rest of your life.
• 58:43
  Matt: And JG Toesworth only approaches you in a public place.
• 58:46
  Eric: So people you can't Oh, people will be watching.
• 58:48
  Matt: People will be watching it.
• 58:50
  Matt: For some reason, JG Toesworth never never seen alone, only seen on sidewalks.
• 58:55
  Matt: And it's part of his allure and his mystique.
• 59:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 59:01
  Matt: And so JG Toesworth, eight seven toes now.
• 59:05
  Matt: When I see him on the street, knowing that I'm about to be shamed, knowing that I'm about to be canceled, and knowing that I, in my real life, Eric, right now, am buying a home or attempting to.
• 59:19
  Eric: That's fair.
• 59:20
  Matt: I need some cash for that big toe.
• 59:25
  Matt: I I think gotta be six figs men.
• 59:28
  Matt: Six figs men.
• 59:30
  Matt: Six figs.
• 59:30
  Eric: Well, you have always your your body has always been much more of a temple than mine.
• 59:35
  Matt: Again, I will never mosh.
• 59:38
  unknown: I know.
• 59:39
  Eric: I'm out here fucking throwing bows at weird ow.
• 59:43
  Matt: And again, not a single thing you said about mosh pits make it sound appealing to me.
• 59:48
  Matt: So but like I didn't even get to the part where like everyone's sweat is getting on you.
• 59:53
  Matt: Eric, I already got that.
• 59:55
  Matt: That was a given for me.
• 59:57
  Matt: That's the given circumstance.
• 59:59
  Eric: Yeah.
• 59:59
  Matt: We can't keep going back to the mosh pits.
• 1:00:01
  Eric: Okay, okay.
• 1:00:03
  Matt: But I think it is well established that you don't care about your body, and I do.
• 1:00:08
  Matt: You do care about my body very much.
• 1:00:11
  Matt: I do, and it's part of the reason I'm so concerned for you and your safety.
• 1:00:16
  Eric: Very good.
• 1:00:17
  Matt: Because, first of all, you are a giant, and you should be treating your bet your body better than you are.
• 1:00:22
  Matt: These people can't be climbing on your shoulders, Eric.
• 1:00:24
  Matt: You're gonna give out.
• 1:00:26
  Eric: I'm a great Dane.
• 1:00:26
  Eric: I'm living on a timer.
• 1:00:28
  Eric: I'm I am I didn't want to say that, Eric.
• 1:00:31
  Eric: I gotta live, laugh, love.
• 1:00:33
  Eric: Yeah, but Eric, whatever.
• 1:00:36
  Matt: We can't get into how you're spending your final days.
• 1:00:38
  Eric: You're trying you're trying to buy, you're trying to be financially solvent with your toe eating.
• 1:00:42
  Matt: So if I'm gonna eat this toe, I have to get mine.
• 1:00:46
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 1:00:47
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 1:00:48
  Matt: I don't know whose toe this is.
• 1:00:50
  Matt: This could be a toe of a loved one, for all I know.
• 1:00:52
  Eric: It could be.
• 1:00:53
  Matt: I need I don't know JG Toe's worth hidden motivations.
• 1:00:57
  Eric: And let's say, and just to keep that level of mystique and and edge to it, let's say you will never know whose toe it is.
• 1:01:05
  Eric: Okay, the good.
• 1:01:06
  Eric: I don't want to.
• 1:01:07
  Eric: But if you do know them, it'll be probably become fairly obvious soon.
• 1:01:12
  Matt: Yeah, I think 100k is my minimum.
• 1:01:15
  Matt: Minimum.
• 1:01:16
  Eric: Oh, that'll that'll that'll get you a fine down payment.
• 1:01:20
  Matt: Uh it better.
• 1:01:22
  Matt: It better.
• 1:01:23
  Matt: Because what I'm discovering is Central Maryland is is too expensive.
• 1:01:29
  Eric: Bro, you man, you're gonna have to poop that that toenail out, too.
• 1:01:33
  Matt: Well, Eric, you're gonna chew the thing.
• 1:01:35
  Matt: It's been fried.
• 1:01:36
  Eric: Yeah, but you ain't gonna digest no toenail, right?
• 1:01:40
  Eric: Like, you need to bite.
• 1:01:41
  Eric: Oh, yeah, it'll crackle.
• 1:01:42
  Eric: It's been deep fried, it'll crackle.
• 1:01:44
  Eric: It'll crack a lot.
• 1:01:45
  Matt: I think I would actually go for I don't know that this is I was trying to think of you didn't ask me, of course, but uh I was trying to think of my favorite uh Oh yeah.
• 1:01:55
  Matt: Hit me, yeah.
• 1:01:56
  Eric: Hit me with you.
• 1:01:56
  Eric: What's your what's your ideal wing?
• 1:01:58
  Matt: No, it's too late to pretend to care.
• 1:01:59
  Matt: The I I I I was I think an old bay wing might be my favorite wing.
• 1:02:08
  Matt: I know that's very Maryland of me, but I do love a good dry rubber bay.
• 1:02:12
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:13
  Eric: Um, good old bay wings, they're like dredged in butter first and then like dragged through that old bay.
• 1:02:22
  Matt: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:24
  Matt: Yeah, no, spared no expense.
• 1:02:26
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:02:26
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:02:27
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 1:02:28
  Matt: A good old bay wing.
• 1:02:30
  Matt: Also, like a good teriyaki wing, but you don't want to say teriyaki because you'll just be basic.
• 1:02:35
  Eric: You'll just be basic, and that'll fu uh I mean, is it safe to say that it's gonna ruin wings for us?
• 1:02:42
  Matt: Yeah, 100%.
• 1:02:43
  Matt: Like hundreds.
• 1:02:44
  Matt: Sweet Thai chili.
• 1:02:45
  Matt: Have you ever had a sweet tie chili wing?
• 1:02:47
  Matt: Oh, I love a sweet tie chili wing.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: Oh, there's that that'd be good too.
• 1:02:51
  Matt: That'd be enough of a flavor punch to forget briefly that you're eating an adult man's toe.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: Or like a 24 karat gold wing.
• 1:03:00
  Eric: You ever had one of them?
• 1:03:02
  Eric: No.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's like is that so?
• 1:03:04
  Eric: Some places actually like fucking dip the wing and gold leaf for it, but like a 24 karat gold wing, it it it's like somewhere between a barbecue sauce wing and a buffalo wing.
• 1:03:14
  Eric: But it's like it's like it's it's it's a very interesting flavor.
• 1:03:18
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:03:19
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:03:20
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:03:21
  Matt: Eric, this was this was our 75th episode.
• 1:03:25
  Matt: This was our 75th episode.
• 1:03:27
  Matt: This this was somewhat of a landmark episode, and we spent it discussing the mosh pit etiquette that you live by.
• 1:03:39
  Matt: Your mosh ethos.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:03:42
  Matt: And Clifford the Big Red Dog.
• 1:03:44
  Matt: And finally, eating human toast for money.
• 1:03:48
  Matt: Baby, we've made it.
• 1:03:50
  Matt: Baby.
• 1:03:51
  Matt: We've made it.
• 1:03:51
  Matt: We've arrived.
• 1:03:52
  Eric: We've arrived.
• 1:03:53
  Eric: Oh, hello.
• 1:03:54
  Eric: Welcome.
• 1:03:55
  Eric: Sorry, the podcast is now officially begun.
• 1:03:58
  Eric: We have now warmed up.
• 1:04:00
  Eric: And I feel like we've now officially hit the point that when people like ask about our show, like other people are like, oh, yeah, no, you have to listen to it.
• 1:04:08
  Eric: Just like anything after episode, like, you know, 75 onward, you're good.
• 1:04:11
  Eric: 75 onward.
• 1:04:12
  Eric: 75 onward, you're good.
• 1:04:15
  Matt: Listen.
• 1:04:16
  Eric: They really hit their stride.
• 1:04:18
  Matt: As a bi-weekly podcast, we are about uh in case you're in case you're doing the math there, folks, we are about a year removed from the big 100.
• 1:04:32
  Matt: Eric, this time next year, we will have done a hundred episodes if you didn't ask for this.
• 1:04:38
  Matt: That's fucking crazy.
• 1:04:40
  Matt: Who allowed this?
• 1:04:42
  Matt: There really should be regulations.
• 1:04:45
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:04:46
  Matt: You know, not every mediocre white man should be allowed to grab a microphone and speak into uh speak into it.
• 1:04:54
  Matt: Lord knows, not two of them.
• 1:04:56
  Matt: But thank God we can.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: Thank God.
• 1:04:59
  Matt: God, we are so brave.
• 1:05:01
  Matt: Eric, let me tell you something.
• 1:05:03
  Matt: I am if I could be serious for a second.
• 1:05:05
  Matt: Please.
• 1:05:06
  Matt: Despite the fact that you mosh.
• 1:05:10
  Matt: Despite the fact that you pit.
• 1:05:12
  Matt: And despite the fact that you like blue cheese, I couldn't be more passionate about this podcast and this friendship.
• 1:05:24
  Eric: Matt! You can't just hit you.
• 1:05:27
  Eric: You can't just hit me.
• 1:05:28
  Eric: You can't just hit me.
• 1:05:29
  Eric: Matt.
• 1:05:29
  Matt: I hate you with sincerity, buddy.
• 1:05:31
  Eric: Matt.
• 1:05:33
  Eric: Despite the fact that you you take ranch dressing with your wings.
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 1:05:40
  Eric: Despite the fact that uh you do not want to wall of death with me.
• 1:05:47
  Eric: Uh despite the fact that you are uh pro not tipping food service workers.
• 1:05:57
  Matt: That was you.
• 1:05:57
  Matt: That was dem demonstrably you.
• 1:06:00
  Eric: Despite the fact that you correct me at the most inopportune times.
• 1:06:05
  Eric: I love you, I cherish you, and there is no one on this planet I would rather do this show with.
• 1:06:12
  Eric: Eric.
• 1:06:14
  Eric: I need to do a show with one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world.
• 1:06:17
  Eric: Like what what the fuck?
• 1:06:18
  Matt: Tell you what, Eric.
• 1:06:19
  Matt: Here's to you.
• 1:06:20
  Matt: And here's to all the adapters out there.
• 1:06:24
  Matt: Thanks for sticking with us.
• 1:06:25
  Eric: Thanks for sticking with us, gang.
• 1:06:27
  Matt: By the way, cheese is not mold, nor is it the byproduct of mold.
• 1:06:31
  Matt: It is a coagulation.
• 1:06:36
  Eric: God, can you just go to a valley and hide?
• 1:06:40
  Matt: Uh ranch bitch.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: I just needed you to know that you were most certainly wrong.
• 1:06:48
  Matt: And for and with that, that'll about do it for the 75th episode.
• 1:06:54
  Matt: 75, still alive, baby.
• 1:06:57
  Matt: Truly.
• 1:06:58
  Matt: If you didn't ask for this, uh, listen, we, if this episode has told you nothing else, it should have made it crystal clear that we still need your questions.
• 1:07:11
  Matt: You must submit them to us.
• 1:07:14
  Matt: You must.
• 1:07:15
  Matt: Otherwise, you will receive another episode such as this one.
• 1:07:20
  Matt: And if you don't want that to happen, send them to us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com, all spelled out, or at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:07:27
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, X, Facebook, YouTube, Threads.
• 1:07:35
  Matt: I'm trying to, I'm trying to move the podcast community over to Threads.
• 1:07:39
  Matt: No one wants to go with me.
• 1:07:41
  Matt: Everyone wants to stay on X and just complain the whole time about X.
• 1:07:45
  Matt: I want us to move people.
• 1:07:47
  Matt: I want us to leave X behind.
• 1:07:49
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:07:50
  Matt: I don't want to call it X.
• 1:07:52
  Eric: No.
• 1:07:53
  Eric: Just pick a few designated uh cello and violinists, let them play as the ship sinks, and the rest of you get on the fucking lifeboat.
• 1:08:02
  Matt: I would also like to say that you can call the uh UNESCO for this thought line at 410-929-5329 and uh leave us a message.
• 1:08:16
  Matt: It doesn't have to be a question, it can be a correction, such as Mr.
• 1:08:19
  Matt: Deuce left us.
• 1:08:20
  Matt: You can live live you can live, you can laugh, you can love into that thought line.
• 1:08:26
  Eric: God damn right you can.
• 1:08:28
  Matt: But uh yeah, so send us whatever you got, send us whatever weird stories in your neighborhood you want us to cover.
• 1:08:35
  Matt: Send us your uh uh unlikely fights we discussed with Lindsay and uh and others on that X platform.
• 1:08:43
  Matt: Um people people want to see us do an unlikely fight again.
• 1:08:47
  Matt: We just gotta find the right one.
• 1:08:49
  Eric: Send us send us pictures of your big toe dipped in Frank's red hot and played it like a wing.
• 1:08:56
  Matt: And again, we want nothing more than to be able to do a March mascot madness full bracket.
• 1:09:04
  Matt: So send us your candidates.
• 1:09:06
  Eric: I was gonna we have gotten some bangers for mascots.
• 1:09:10
  Eric: Like we're like we're we're getting these kick-ass submissions, but we just want more.
• 1:09:14
  Eric: We want more shares some of them.
• 1:09:17
  Matt: You don't have to illustrate it, you don't have to do that although there's enough fucking AI products out there, folks.
• 1:09:24
  Matt: Might as well thrive.
• 1:09:25
  Eric: Might as well.
• 1:09:26
  Matt: I did one the other day, or like uh by the time this came out, like a week or two ago, and put it on the insta to try to encourage people to do the same.
• 1:09:35
  Matt: Nobody did, but it but still, check it out.
• 1:09:38
  Matt: That guy is in the bracket now, I guess.
• 1:09:41
  Matt: I say all that to say.
• 1:09:43
  Matt: That'll about do it from this episode, the 75th of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:09:48
  Matt: My name is Matt Shay.
• 1:09:50
  Eric: My name is Eric Poach.
• 1:09:52
  Eric: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:09:54
  Eric: But remember, kids, life's like a mosh pit.
• 1:09:57
  Eric: You get out of it what you put in, and when someone falls down, you help a motherfucker up.
• 1:10:03
  Matt: Eric, that was kind of beautiful, actually.
• 1:10:05
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:10:06
  Matt: That was just nice.
• 1:10:08
  Matt: That's just a nice thing you said.
• 1:10:09
  Matt: It didn't need to be in the context of a mosh pit.
• 1:10:12
  SPEAKER_05: Let's open this pit oh.
• 1:10:16
  Matt: You see, that's a turnoff.
• 1:10:17
  Matt: You see, Eric, everything you've just done is a turnoff for me.
• 1:10:20
  Matt: That's life.
• 1:10:20
  Matt: I feel anxious.
• 1:10:21
  Matt: My heart rate is up.
• 1:10:22
  Matt: Jazz, baby.
• 1:10:24
  Matt: That's not jazz.
• 1:10:25
  Matt: That is not jazz.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: I'm not jazz.
• 1:10:27
  Matt: If you want to go to a jazz show, I'll go to a jazz show with you, Eric.
• 1:10:31
  Matt: But you can't jazz.
• 1:10:32
  Matt: You can't jazz, baby.
• 1:10:34
  Matt: Is that jazz?
• 1:10:36
  Matt: No.
• 1:10:37
  Matt: Damn.
• 1:10:38
  Eric: We'll figure it out.
• 1:10:39
  Eric: That's why you can't jazz.
• 1:10:40
  Eric: Next time on Unit Ask for This, what is jazz?