Latest / Pod Therapy / #366: Too Serious, Injured and Angry Father, Mugged

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#366: Too Serious, Injured and Angry Father, Mugged · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Sir, enjoy my wife yours.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: This lady is still a Facebook.
• 0:04
  Speaker 3: From the plane. What a nice couple. They were so gentle.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: This episode has made possible.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: By our theaty, the dark Lord himself, Jim's Fasha, and
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: our therapy partner's dirty beat and pick up from fabulous
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: Las Vegas, Nevada. This is pod therapy, real people, real problems,
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: and real therapists. Even smith is your questions anonymously if
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: pod therapy doc net or email us at pod therapy
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: guys at gmail dot com. Episode three sixty five, we've
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: come full circle geometry pun and now broadcasting the turn.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: That's Jim, that's Whitney. I'm nick. It's time for some
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: pod therapy. Huh Is that how that works? Isn't three? Okay?
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: So three sixty would have been full circle? Three sixty
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: five is talk me? Yeah, you start over? No, no, no, no, no, abolutely,
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: I want everybody to know what just happened?
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: What everybody? Why would it be three six? Know?
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: That is just ashamed of himself? Could mas Jim joan?
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right, you don't know what's going on. I
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: just seriously just want to go on. I don't I
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: don't want to do this.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Football Minnesota Vikings.
• 1:38
  Speaker 5: They let him down just like Jim has let him
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: down for years and years.
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: And if you'd like to hear Nick's entire plan for
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: galactic genocide and not genocide.
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: Okay, genocide is wiping out a race of.
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: Okay, this justide technically, this is not gen side slash.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: I think this is just merit based.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I think this is good old fashioned mass murder.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Okay, you know what, are you on my side? Certainly?
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Thank you?
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: You're not a standard. Getting Jacob to help you kill
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: people is not label. I'm fine, but I've got Jacob,
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: and I support getting the label correct. Those are the
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: two things I support. You're on the wrong side, why
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: should we get correct?
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Label?
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: And your shoulder and shoulder with Jacob on the issue
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: of should we kill a lot of people?
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: You can be like but Jacob's with me, so clearly
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: you can be. You can be on my cabinet, can
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: be a position, you can be on my cabinet, be
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: my administrator of our general of something.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: On a cabinet, Yeah, I just gonna hang.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: Out your house the capital nice too. Well.
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: You can hear all about Nick's mass homicide playing he
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: will apply at patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: I don't get it. Still episode over like five out
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: of every ten shows.
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you're geometry.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: You're gonna off that we don't.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: We don't start half of them over again.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: I bet we start one.
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: I remember we start one every six months. O. Yeah, yeah,
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: we start a couple of years. Lumps. It's January.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: You gotta save one in the chamber.
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Patreon over until at least June. Oh yeah, so
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: it's gonna be a good night. Our buddy Nick is
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: having a hard one and we're just going.
• 3:36
  Speaker 5: To drag his assle questions where we could possibly say, writer,
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: it's your fault, yea, because there's gonna do that.
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: There is no empathy or sympathy coming out of tangement tonight.
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: He's gonna explain to you why you're wrong and then
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: alleged that perhaps you should be part of his mass
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: homicide plan. So we will see.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I was going to say super quick thank you to
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: anyone who donated to the mansion last week on a
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: really quick, serious note. There was a little uptick and
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: a lot of anonymous donors, So I could be wrong,
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: but I'm assuming it came from this group, and I
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: just really appreciate it, so just throw on there.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Well, thank you for them. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: say those are from all of us. It's just a
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: whole bunch of different emails for me. So long you're
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: welcome just to use all those.
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: Damn I takes every email is Jacob OnlyFans one.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: Just all the burners. Well thanks everybody who supported.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: If they just gave me the domain name for.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: It seems on anyway.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: Check us out patreon dot com slash therapy. You can
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: get in on the pre show Shenanigans and don't forget
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: You get the show a date earlier, and you also
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: get access to our entire historical archive in library of
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: deep dives, interviews, skill shares, research roundups, and rants. We
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: released new content every Monday where Nick and I take
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: my turn, wanted whether you were looking forward or not.
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: And so I just completed a series on the relationship triangle,
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: really interesting theory that kind of identifies eight different types
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: of love in different relationships, and so that was a
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: lot of fun. Nick's been doing a great series where
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: we're getting to know our listeners on a deeper level
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: with one on one interviews of our therapy producers. That
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: list of names you hear during our trivia breaks and
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: at the end of the show you hear their names
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: all the time. Why not get to know them? And
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: so that's been a series, been going on for a
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: little while, be going until February, so definitely come check
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: that out. And I will also add that our intern
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: Emma has a whole new installment coming out where she's
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: doing a micro series on the Disney movie Inside Out
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: and inside Out too, this great movie about emotions and
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: weaves in a lot of psychology, and so she's doing
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: a really cool deep dive on that, breaking that apart
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: and kind of giving therapist hot takes along the way
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: and using it as a way to illustrate some really
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: big takeaways that an adult level person would really appreciate.
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: So great stuff in the pipeline Patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: If you are at the therap pod level or higher,
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: you get access to everything that we got, So come
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: check it out. It's a great time and you also
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: get to sleep well at night knowing that you were
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: supporting mental health. But we have got some great questions
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: here to start off this new year, and we're starting
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: it all off with a great question about taking people
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: too seriously, you know, like when you start yelling at
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: random strangers on an airplane.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: Or no one, no one else, no yelling there.
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: Just direct aggression, taking people too seriously. Happy New Year,
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: Pod Therapy crew, Happy New Year to you. I joined
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: the Patreon of the show last year and have been
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: enjoying listening to Jim's woes a day earlier.
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: Wonderful. Thank you for your support.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: I have a somewhat simple question in regards toward a
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: general outlook on life. I have a habit of taking
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: things too seriously. What are some practical steps that I
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: can use to help me get out of this mindset.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: I struggle with anxiety, which I imagine plays a big
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: role in things. I've been working on being nicer to
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: myself and thinking of my coworkers as human beings rather
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: than the arbiters of my work ethic or self esteem.
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: This helps me snap out of the intrusive thoughts of
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: myself somehow failing dramatically and someone having an oversized reaction
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: to something I do. This is a problem outside of
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: work as well, as I sometimes feel that by not
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: taking things or people seriously, I'm being disrespectful. I miss
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: attempts at levity or playfulness from my partner because I
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: don't want it to seem like I'm not giving her
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: my full attention or that I'm not hearing what she
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: has to tell me. Taking everything, including myself, a little
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: less seriously is a new year's resolution of mine that
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: I hope will improve my overall mental health. Any tips
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: or tricks would be appreciated. Thanks serendipitous scoop pronouns.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Are he in to him?
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: That's interesting?
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: So Nick, let's talk about maybe I'm sorry, I got nothing.
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: This is a great question.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: It's landing a great day.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: Let's talk about times and maybe we're just a lot
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: of a lot of anger, a lot of anger.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: This is why I shouldn't even be here with me.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Did you need another beer?
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Now? I told you that beer. You'll feel better. You
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: guys know which theraproducers to think during the break? Totally
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: don't a lot.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: You know what happens, Oh my gosh, taking things too seriously.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I had a friend who dealt with this, yeah, and
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: just they described it as like it I just physically
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: can't be fun and playful. It's like it felt like
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: a physical restriction A very interesting my opinion, and this
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: is going to be shared lightly writer serendipitous scoop. Is
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: it probably that's coming from childhood. Something happened back then,
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: and maybe it taught you that you couldn't express yourself
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: like it wasn't safe for whatever reason. And that doesn't
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: mean you know, you're abused or anything, but just it
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: didn't feel like a safe space. So I wonder if
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: that is something kind of creeping in and so the
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: best way to deal with it, I mean, I would
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: remind yourself, especially with your partner, if you say something
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: or do something wrong, Like anyone in this room can
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: speak to this. If your partner say they like snap
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: back at you. You play a joke or say something
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: you think is joking and they're like that's not funny
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: or something like that, or just come back at you seriously, lightly.
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: But firmly correct them and let them know that it
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: was funny.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Okay too, seriously.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: Running right, I know, I just don't get it.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: You don't get let me explain.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: I'm just there, but.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: No, I think you know this has happened in my relationship,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: like if one person's feeling extra sensitive or anything like that,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: and something you said jokingly or whatever, it's like taking
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: the wrong way that it's okay. And so I guess
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: my challenge would be to kind of have that self talk,
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: that internal narrative of reminding yourself, Hey, let me try this,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Let me try this joke. You know, I want my
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: partner to feel like we can be playful. I need
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: to practice it. So let me remind myself. If all
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: that goes to shit, then you know, they end up
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: being upset with me about something. It can be fixed,
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: it can be remedied. You can work through that with
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: your partner. It's not the end of the world. It
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: doesn't mean you're a terrible person. It doesn't mean you're
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: just mean and rude and not worthy of like getting
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: extra chances. Like I think deep down, especially if we
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: deal with like anxiety or that fear of that reaction,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: we're thinking of the worst case scenario. You know, my
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: partner's just gonna change their whole view on me and
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: leave or fuck it up or whatever. Yeah.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: No, but it's it's a really writer. I like that
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: you're willing to take a look this because I'll be
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: honest with you, Like I I struggle when I'm in
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: the presence of somebody that is a bit too stoic,
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: you know. That's that there is no sense of humor,
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: there is no levity. I'm trying to lighten the mood
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: a little bit or keep things, you know, light, and
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: just kind of give the signal of like, hey, I'm
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: an easy going guy, like how are you today? That
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: kind of thing, and whenever they're just sort of stern
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: and just sort of like I'm excellent, how are you today?
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: And you're like, oh, have I done something wrong? It's
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: very easy to misinterpret it like that seriousness as like
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: anger or like a disinterest in the person irritated. And
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: I've bumped into several people i think over the last
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: few years that I've had like just life overlap with,
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: you know, whether it's teaching the university or like through
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: you know, recreational stuff or organizational stuff, and I'll just
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: I'll have to like pick up that person's like rhythm, yeah,
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: and like remind myself, they don't do it. They don't banter,
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: they don't small. That is a long ass one minute
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: ride in that elevator with not a word being said,
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: and they are like just locked in and it's it's
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: really difficult, I think, to deal with a.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: Person like that.
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: Do you find that all those people have any particular.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Thing in common with each other? Hmm, other than just
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: with you.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: You're not wrong, and that was probably part of it.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: I'm glad that the writer is looking at that and saying, hey,
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: that's I want to increase my capacity for this a
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: little bit.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: You don't have to be the court jester or anything,
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: but like giving off the vibe of like, hey, I'm approachable,
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: I'm playful with you, like you can make a joke
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: and I'm cool. I think it's a really important skill,
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: and it's also really difficult to teach, right because like
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: picking up on that like energy in the room and
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: being playful and like putting that energy out and welcoming
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: that from other people, putting people at ease. I don't
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: know how you learn to do that, Like that is
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: just something you can dial into.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I feel like with your partner here,
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: maybe maybe even telling her, hey, I do want to
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: be more playful. That's my new Year's resolution or whatever.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to try it. Just give me feedback,
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: you know. I know it sounds a little awkward to
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: ask your partner to do that. I've heard clients say
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: that before. They're like, I do want to have to
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: tell my person what I want to do or whatever,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: but yeah, just try if you feel safe enough. I
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: mean hopefully you do, but with someone that you still
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: feel nervous about doing it because deep down you are
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: like maybe worried there's going to be an overreaction, but
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: your mind's like, no, this person loves me, they care
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: about me. Yeah, they're going to give me space to
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: mess up, especially if they know I'm working on it.
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: Like I like the idea of being honest with the spouse.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: Now when you're dealing with work people and this idea
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: of like I find that I'm a little too serious
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: with people, my coworkers. I'm not creating room to breathe here.
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: In some industries, I kind of get that. Like I've
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: met people that when they're on the clock, there's a
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: very different vibe they're putting out.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: And it's not because they're an asshole.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: It's because like they're exacting or like look, I'm not
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: here to be your pal or whatever. Yeah, and it's
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: always like, oh, I don't okay that that could be right,
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: Like if you're a surgeon, Like, I don't want you
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: playing grab ass with the other guy, like, you know, fucking.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Do your job after you wash your hands.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you got it.
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: It's sterilizing, you know, there's so much going on wash
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: them again. Yeah, so I can imagine, Like I think
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: we've all worked with people that take themselves pretty seriously
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: and it feels like there's no air around them and
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: like that. I mean I worked with a guy for
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: a while like that and he's like this Vikings fan, God,
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: just if they ever did bad, it's just you're just
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: gonna exploit.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you can always go back to, you know,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: kind of some typical anxiety thoughts that are you know,
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: coping skills where just imagine what is the worst case scenario.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like putting yourself in those awkward shows. Okay,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: what if everyone just stares him? He's like, oh my god,
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: that was a bad joke. Like maybe they will and
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: they'll probably forget about it in two weeks or whatever.
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: At work.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: Part of this, too, I think, is just people's nature,
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: and you know, there's just some people that are you know,
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: and I think a lot of it just kind of
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: has to do with like your family, like the family
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: that you're around, like my my family, Like both sides
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: of like the extended family are very humorous. I mean,
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: don't take a whole lot of it. I mean there's
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: like things that they will there's topics they will take seriously, Okay,
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: then there's other things that it's there's a lot of
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: cracking jokes. My dad's side of the family, especially like
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: when we all get together, there's it's a lot of
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: joking around pretty much. It's it's a it's a version
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: of this podcast without the microphone. It's very much like that.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: And I have a very very dry sense of humor.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: And I've even talked about it on the show, like
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: around Laura or Laura's family, Like I'm making jokes rhythm
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: like and they just start booing the opening Laura's mom's
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: opening a gift. I'm like, that's a handgun. Like everybody's like,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: imagine no respect. But like it's something that I just
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: I've just kind of learned that, like, Okay, they didn't
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: grow up in that environment, you know, and I kind
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: of have to if I'm going to make a joke,
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: I've got to make it clear that I'm joking. Right,
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: more so than they. I'll just do that from now on.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: I won't care the snare drum. I'll just make the sound.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: I like that you carry kazoo. Oh, there you go.
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: I'm a big fan of like the extra layers of
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: communication that like give away intention though, Like in your scenario,
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: I'm communicating to people that I am trying to be funny.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: That was a joke.
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: If if it didn't land, great, but like, don't take
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: me literally, right, and so sometimes and.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: My approach is different for Laura than it would be
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: for Laura's family. Right, for Laura's family, I'm not going
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: to have that conversation with him. I'm not going to
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: be like, hey, I'm like, I'm going to change my
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: approach because it's just easier. It's not working, yeah, at
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: the environment, whereas you know, with Laura, I've had to
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: just be a little bit more right. Hey, you know,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: I realize that this is my sense of humor. It's
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: very dry. Sometimes it's hard to know whether or not
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: I'm joking, but I see what I'm saying there.
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: I love that. I love this subtext, like the notes,
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: And that's what I think about for the writer, because
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: I think sometimes if you know you come off a
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: certain way. In the writer's case, I come off very serious.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: I'm not good at the banter. I've I've probably signaled
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: throughout my career and my life and all my relationships
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: that like, I'm not you know, approachable or playful or whatever,
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to laugh with you. Then people don't try.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: And then I noticed that, like, are it's weird, Like
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: our dynamics are not good? The writers saying, hey, it's
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: not good. I want it to get better. I like
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: the idea of like giving people that note about yourself
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: almost to laugh at yourself and be like, hey, sometimes
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: I can and you can even teach yourself about it.
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: Be like sometimes I kind of come off like Spock,
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: you know, I can be a little bit like, you know,
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: science y and just not like vibing with you. Please
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: don't misinterpret that though. Sometimes people get that wrong idea,
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: think I don't like you or something.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: It's not it.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Suffocating for what you think.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just I just had this picture in my
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: mind of Jim calling in people into his office at
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: work and just hey, want to have a talk with you.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: I realized that you haven't been laughing at my yeah,
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: if I can.
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: If you, if you'll bring your attention to this graph.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: You remember that, right, it's not your fault.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: You're just you're just naive. Get of what I'm trying
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: to accomplish.
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: Your joke is based on a different time in America
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: where women were property, and so you gotta have that premise,
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: which clearly I'm not saying should be.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: I'm just saying there was a time.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: No that time politically correct at one point.
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: It's a name of a country. I mean, come on,
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: it's not weird to say out loud Anywayanda and the Congo.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: No.
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: But I like that idea of like giving away some subtext,
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: which I've had to do because I've I've realized, I've
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: had scenarios where my personality is mismatching you know, somebody
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: that is pretty stoic, or I'm in an environment where
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: I'm outnumbered by those folks, and so I will realize, Okay,
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: I need to give out that subtext, and so I'll
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: give that away. And I have like my whole little
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: canned way that I do that where I'll tell people, hey,
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: sometimes I you know, I try to break tension with
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: humor or if I'm feeling a little you know, anxious
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: or something. I'll try to you know, make people laugh,
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: makes me feel a bit safer in the room. I
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: apologize if that's ever you know, poorly timed or comes
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: off the wrong way. I'll try to read the scenario
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: well and like I'll give that away really quick and
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: you should be okay. It's kind of like when you
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: get up to give a speech and you go okay, everybody,
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: I'm really nervous, and like the room's kind of rooting
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: for you. Now they're like, oh, yeah, now you're doing great,
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: Like okay, thank you for telling us that.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: Oh like, if you have to get up off a
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: plane really quickly, let them know. Got to take a
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: good example.
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: So writer, you should walk up people and you have
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: to take a ship.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: And I feel like if you just lead with that,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: they're going to accept.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Who you are. I'll understand, and it will open up
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: the door to everyone.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Poop.
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: Everybody, everybody poops.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Some Yeah, good there. I know. I don't think there
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: is like a clear step one, two, three to that.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: It's really based on feeling. And that's why, Yeah, I
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: like everything that you've said.
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: Well, I think if you are stuck in that mode
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: and you don't. There is no formula for how to
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: break out of that, how to become funny. I do
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: think letting people know what your intentions are goes a
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: long way because I don't know how to read you,
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: and if you know that you're not you're BLOCKI and
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: you're not very good at giving off that energy. Letting
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: me know that you are trying to is great because Okay,
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: so if I'm trying to be playful with you and
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: you're not responding warmly to it, but you're telling me
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: please continue, try to do that because I'm trying to
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: do better with that and catch your vibe and give
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: it back. Yeah, okay, awesome, man, Like I will now
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: green light that I will now behave in that way.
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: But if I don't pick it up from you, I'm
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: going to shut down. I'm gonna pull back, and I'm
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: gonna match your energy if you're being serious. Okay, now
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: I am too, and we're gonna lose the friendliness.
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: So writer, I'm glad that you're willing to work on this.
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: I think this has come up a lot more often,
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: especially in the last thirty years, you know, congruent with
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: also seeing a rise in autism, and I think that
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: there's been a lot of more conversation about Yeah, there's
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: been a lot more about like autistic sensibilities, and you
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: know sometimes, like you know that population does talk about
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: this is like I do not naturally pick up all
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: these undertones of a conversation and body languages, and there's
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: a lot of missing and so then I can just
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: come off as wooden and I'm not, though, like I
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: want to engage. And so this is something a lot
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: of people do talk about now, and I like this
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: strategy of saying, hey, it's something i'm gonna work on.
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: I'm pushing myself to do it. My advice on that
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: writer is just give people the knowledge that you are
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: trying to work on this while you're talking to them,
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: because we need those stage cues to like understand like, Okay,
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: I welcome humor, please be playful with me. I don't
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: always show that I'm with you on that and I'm
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: working on my.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Expression and that takes a lot of vulnerability.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: I don't think anybody gets shitty about that. Then you
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: hear that and go, okay, man, thanks for telling me. Okay,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: I feel like I have social permission now to play around. Yeah,
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: and I feel like I know you've given me the
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: legend of how to read this map, and like I
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: needed that otherwise I would have misinterpreted you.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: So anyway, writer, good luck on this. Definitely continue your
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: research on it. If you do find any great resources,
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: send them our way, because boy, would I like to
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: gather more information about that. There's a lot of folks
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: that I think could benefit from it. And if you're
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: not already in the discord, well you are, you are
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: a supporter. I'm sure there will be a great conversation
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: on this episode because I know there's a lot of
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: folks in our discord that have shared very similar stuff.
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: So that's something I think a lot of folks talk
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: about working on. We're going to take a quick break,
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: and when we come back, we're talking about a frustrating father.
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: You're listening to pop therapy.
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: Oh ship, I had the wrong let it ride. No, No,
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: I had thrown but I screwed that up. Well, let's
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: just start the show over.
• 23:15
  Speaker 6: Fuck, yeah, come on, you're not getting bailed out an
• 23:20
  Speaker 6: hour in.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Smittie Scoop. Hey,
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: thanks for the Christmas card. Smitty, Oh yeah, Mason Miller,
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: did you go to yeah in the hockey family, Uh,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Smitty Scoop Jason, Mason Miller, Test Miller, Viler T Harris,
• 23:42
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• 23:47
  Speaker 3: And if you want to become a thera producer, you
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• 23:52
  Speaker 3: slash therapy and signing up over there. I'll share my
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Christmas card.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I'll take you a part of the like
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: part of the area it on my fridge.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: All right, wood more wood, back.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: On the wood.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: We did not do great.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: That was one of them. Coppler, Jim hard Wood. What
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: are the categories again? It's old, exotic, hard, and good.
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: All right, I'll take hard wood please for five hundred
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: last one?
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: Uh four thousand in is the force required to break
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: the average femur, okay, which wood has an equivalent JACA
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: rating four thousand. Newton's just says. I believe that's correct, though.
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: So what wood has about the same repulsive force as
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: a human femur?
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Which is in what part of your body?
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: The femur is in the ephemeral connected.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: To the.
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: Somewhere I'm going to go, oh, give me, give me options.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: I need options, sycamore, cherry, paper birch, english oak. You
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: know what I want?
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Cherry.
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: I'll bet you that's it. Okay, how much would you
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: bet one point?
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: Please? Uh? No, it is paper bird? All right?
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Jim has negative one points.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: He did bet. I did bet that point.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: I'm in the whole he was one last.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, account Whitney. Yes, what hardcoold.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: Exotic wood or old wood exotic.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: I don't like these because they're hard to Until the
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: nineteen sixties, this hardwood was widely used as shaft bearings
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: in hyper electric turbines and ship propels made out of wood. Damn,
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: that's pretty cool.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, chips were made out of wood.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the nineteen sixties.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Sure, I don't.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: I mean it's still houses are alsose domaines. Right, you
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: never want options obviously, Yes, yes, Ligham Vita, Ligham box
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: wood or pink box.
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: They make donuts, I mean pinky and pink box.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: There's some red hair example.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, pink boxes it.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: I think they're all sexual. Are you going pink box?
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: Yes, it is Ligham Vita.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: That is my second guest, was.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: It though, Jacob? You could steal the game right here?
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Give me old.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: Wood al right, woody trees first appeared. I think that
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: was he was an old time country singer. Yeah, grass
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: woody trees.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: First duo group with it was called Trees and Guthrie.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: That's woody trees and the Nashville trio.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: Woody trees first appeared during this geological period. Mm hm
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: oh h. Do you want options?
• 27:16
  Speaker 7: Yes?
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Options for everyone?
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: How great would it have been if I just been like
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Paleo alright, Cambrian devon carbon carbon carbon niver carbon carbon
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: Niffer and Jurassic?
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: What was the first one?
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: Ca that one?
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: No? What was the second one? That one? Yes? I
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: don't want to talk about amre.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: The oldest known example of wood substitute or or dildo
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: had I had? Is? How old wood?
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: Just wooden dildo?
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Wait?
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: That woulden dick substitute? Is that what we're talking about?
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Oldest example of a wood substitute or dildo apparently did?
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, we've learned some lots.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Is how old two thousand, six thousand, thirteen thousand, or
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: twenty eight thousand years it's going to be?
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: I just want to clear this up. Was it put
• 28:40
  Speaker 5: into someone that.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Has to have ben.
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: I think that's the context, and I would go as
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: old as you possibly can.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say six options.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: I'm going to say twenty eight thousand.
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: I think that's a solid move.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: It is. Yeah, no, yeah, I would have gone for
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: the oldest one.
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: Well, the first artifact we had was a dick.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: No, the oldest one was what was it, twenty eighth
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: that was? That was the highest.
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think the I think they found uh like
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: sex toys in ancient Egypt.
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: Yes, that's of course. It's the first things.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Little straw on the wall. And there's a volcano that
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: blew up in Italy that I'm blanking on.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: Even that sounds jaredympe Pumpei.
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that is Italy.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's the one, just that one.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Why they celebrated for their sexual right nose?
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: All right, I think I'm winning frustrating father negative points.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: That's not how I remember it.
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: Hello, friends, I apologize in advance, as this will likely
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: be long and ramble.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: I will yeah, right, show for it. Yeah, so I
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: like my sex.
• 29:56
  Speaker 8: And woulden't narrated frustrating father about his father.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: I live in San Francisco and my parents are in
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: San Diego.
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: Oh it's so long and ramble so long. I call
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: my mom daily on my drive to work. I started
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: doing this when her dog passed away and she was lonely.
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: My dad travels for work a lot, and I call
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: my dad on Fridays. Recently, my father, who's seventy two
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: years old, fell and broke his c one vertebra in
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: five places.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Oh goodness, spikes.
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: He was having seizures and things were very touch and
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: go for a while. I took time off work and
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: came down to help support my mother while my father
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: was in the hospital, and again when he was transitioning home.
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: He's now home and it's been a complete nightmare. He's stubborn,
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: not following doctor's directions. He's rude and selfish, usually being
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: taking out all that emotion on my mom. He's basically
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: acting like these health issues are only happening to him,
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: but the rest of the family has upheaved their lives
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: for him. My mom vinced to me about all the
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: stuff she's putting up with. When I talk to my dad,
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: he acts like everything's fine. My issue is because I
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: know what's happening, but can't confront my dad because it
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: would embarrass and upset my mom. It's hard making my
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: weekly calls to my dad. They feel very disingenuous, and
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to swallow anger the entire time. It's exhausting
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: resenting my father in this way, But I don't know
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: what to do. Thanks in advance. Dread and pronouns are
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: he and him?
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: You olliver had to take care of a parent to
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: that level, Like, yeah.
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: Not long term injured family member?
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Not really have you?
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: No, I was just curious if anyone else has been
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: through something like.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: For like short little blasts maybe maybe a week.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: It is as long as that, probably less than a week.
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's like end of life stuff, that kind
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: of thing. But yeah, I don't know what this guy's
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: going through.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: Well, And there's so many layers to this. Dread is
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: he him?
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: But like, there's so many layers to this because on
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: one hand, I see the idea of being protective of
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: family members, There's another part of me that feels like, look,
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: they've been married for a long time, he's going through
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: a health crisis. She is fully capable of speaking for
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: herself if it comes to that, is it my you know,
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: duty to somehow shield her? Or like, you know, kind
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: of deal with him. I don't know, Like there's there's
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: a lot of layers to that.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this could fall in one of those categories too,
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: where mom is venting just to vent, like she loves
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: your dad. She and it probably is not a great dynamic.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: I see lots of older couples, especially that generation, they
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: don't have great dynamics. I've a lot of people are
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: in it about those dynamics and they're still together. They've
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: learned how to interact. And you may not have seen
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: that before, but now that you're there, you're seeing it.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: And so mom is probably venting to you. That doesn't
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: mean you have to fix it. Maybe helping is just listening,
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: listen to mom and saying, man, I'm sorry that that
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: sounds really tough. Now. The dilemma is that it's pissing
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: you off. Is you care about your mom and that
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: makes a lot of sense to feel like upset towards
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: your dad for that, And if you're getting the brunt
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: of any of that, like, hey, all of us have
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: upheaved our lives for you and you're just being an asshole.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: The first thing I would say, and I know you
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: probably don't want to hear this, and that's fine. You
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: can be bad, but your dad has had his life,
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: you know, totally flipped upside down. I would imagine if
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: he was working up until this accident and traveling for work.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Very yeah, went from that to like a bedrid And
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I'm guessing you know, I don't really know. I guess
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: you know more of that, but yeah, in his seventies,
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: like decline, your body isn't isn't like rebounding like it
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: used to, and you feel helpless. So you end up
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: taking that out on other people, especially when you've been
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: the one who's been like the rock in your family
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: or you know, kind of the support system for others.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Now you need that support and that is a very
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: difficult transition. And people in their seventies, I know it
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: will be shocked here. They are not great at managing
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: those emotions. Sure, yeah, so that it comes out being
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: an asshole.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: No, I mean.
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: And that's another thing too, is how emotional it is
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: to get injured. Like I was talking to my kids
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: and they were reminding me that last I think Christmas.
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah it was last year, because Christmas Eve last year,
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: we were all meant to go over to my brother
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: in law's house and I leaned over in the living
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: room to pick up a controller off of an automan.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Do you get a back spasm?
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: Yes, I like slipped. I thought I'd been shocked. Yeah,
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: Like I mean, yeah, I'll never walk again.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: I like fall to the floor.
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: My family just had to leave me there, yeah, like
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: on the living room floor.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: They didn't have to, they chose, they chose to.
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: And they just left me because there was no other option.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: And I'm just.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: So yeah he was the fireman carried me.
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: But no, I remember being so much pain and like
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: it's hard not to be rude. I remember like I was,
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: and it was Christmas and my wife had like challenged
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: me last year, like hey and like dial it fucking down,
• 35:01
  Speaker 4: like you know, and I'm like, I know, I am
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: so sorry. It is Christmas. That is not the vibe.
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: But I am in fucking misery. I can't take care
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: of myself. I can't get up and give gifts, like
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: I'm just sitting here in agony the whole time and
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: like trying to pretend I'm okay, and like the emotion.
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: That I'm gonna do that next Christmas is very very
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: hard for Jacob's taking notes curiously.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: But you're going to hurt his back.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Too.
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but yeah, I relate to that that you know,
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: the pain is emotional, and you know, I don't want
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: to just frame Dad as a terrible guy. I agree
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: that we have to also appreciate and I don't think
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: that writers, you know, being minimizing of that are dismissive. Obviously,
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: writer and family have been all in on Dad's care,
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: but it is so hard to appreciate how emotional and
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: how much it affects mental health to have a very
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: serious injury and he's devastating.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So I agree with everything that both of you
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: have said as far as like the emotional piece where
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: you've got the injury and then you've got the anger,
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: and then really what's underneath the anger is probably that helplessness.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: Helplessness and also fear like, oh shit, this is new.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know what to do with this. What if
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: I don't recover? Like there's a lot of scary shit
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: that the person's going through. And the advice that I
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: always give people in situations like this is if you're
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: writing in or you're asking for help saying this guy
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: is a jerk and I don't know how to handle this.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: If you rephrase that to this guy is scared or
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: this guy is helpless, then I'll bet you already know
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: the answer to that. That's like, how would you treat
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: your dad if you instead of looking at him as
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: being angry and resentful and mean, look at it at
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: him as being hurt scared and he yes, if you
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: look at it as full and mean. Yeah, I mean,
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: if you look at him that way, I'll bet you
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: have some ideas of like how you would react differently
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: to things. Yes, here's how I would approach this situation,
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: or here's how I would talk to him in this situation.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: You probably already have some ideas, Dred, So I think
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: that would probably be My advice is to start there
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: and look at it from that perspective.
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: How do we feel about dread? You know, pointing out Look,
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: it's hard because I still try to get on the
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: phone with Dad and I have that weekly check in,
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: and it's gotten a little bit fake because I am
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: also talking to mom and I'm aware that you're putting
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: Mom through a lot, but we're not talking about that,
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: and it doesn't seem like Dad is being a dick
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: to Dread. But Dad is terrorizing Mom, and so dread
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: is kind of in this place of like, well, we
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: seem to be getting along, and whenever I ask how
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: things are going, Dad's like dismissive, like, oh, it's fine,
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: and it's like, dude, no, it's not like I just
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: Mom was just crying on the other line. Do we
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: how do we feel about dread? I don't know, acknowledging
• 37:59
  Speaker 4: elephant in the room, or do we feel like, you know,
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: it's best to let Dad choose the kind of relationship
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: he wants to have right now. And yeah, he likes
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: not telling you what's going on, and that's.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: All way for him. Calling it out right away would
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: not be my first strategy. Again, I think my first
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: strategy would be I would just talk to him as though,
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: like just let's just have a conversation about kind of
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: what you're going through as far as like this being
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: a scary thing, how are you dealing with that? Yeah,
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: you know, and starting that conversation because you may be
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: the person now that he feels open to having that
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: conversation with. He can't talk to anybody else about it,
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: but maybe talking to you about it, and then he
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: kind of feels like, oh, I can talk to, you know,
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: my son about this and maybe that'll start to you know,
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: calm things down around mom.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're reminding me when you say that that I
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: have met with yeah, clients who've experienced that where they
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: their parents like won't share their hardships with their kids
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: or even friends, They like keep that from their children.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: It's not an I don't have children, but Jim could
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: probably attest to this. Even if your kids are thirty
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: years old and you have that adult relationship with them,
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: they see you differently, but really you still see them
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: as your child and you aren't gonna put your stuff
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: on them because you spent their whole life growing up
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: for twenty years, you know, not putting your stuff on them,
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: like not putting those emotional things on them. So it's
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: hard to start doing that as an older adult and say, oh,
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: you know what, I am scared to your kid. You're like, no,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: I'm protector. I'm the person, like I got this. You
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: be the child, I'm the parent, So I wonder if
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: that's where Dad's coming from. But to like pick up
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: on what Nick was saying, I think I would probably
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: talk to mom about it first and say, hey, I
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: really don't like the way Dad's treating you, do you
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: You could ask her if it's okay if you talk
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: to him. She might say yes, like if you went
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: behind her back, she wouldn't like that, but she might
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: be like, you know what, that would be great. Could
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: just don't mention that I've talked to you, but like,
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: could you know, I don't know what?
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like, Mom, would you want some support in this?
• 40:04
  Speaker 4: It feels like you're kind of carrying all these burdens
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: privately and nobody in the family really knows. How would
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: you feel about having a group of conversation about this
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: the next time I visit?
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think asking mom that, Uh. The second
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: thing is yeah, kind of what Nick was saying, like
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: asking dad, Hey, this must be really tough for you.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: If I were in your shoes, I'd be really scared,
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: you know, kind of normalizing some of those features, and
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: that then opens up the door for him to maybe
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: say like, oh, well, no, I don't feel scared, but
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: I feel something else, or like you know, or even
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: if he just says I'm fine, that gives you a
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: chance to push back a little and say, you know,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know that I would have a hard time
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: being fine if I broke my back and had seizures
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: and I'm out of the hospital, Like, that's a lot
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: of change, you know, And let him sit with that,
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: because that's you saying it's okay to talk to me
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: without saying Mom's been.
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: Talking to me right, And you know this kind of condition.
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: Nick and I worked for a while attached to a
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: really fascinating program that treated chronic pain. And so this
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: was taking psychotherapy approaches and applying them to chronic pain.
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: And obviously the overlap of that with the opioid crisis
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: because a lot of these folks were there was a rehab,
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: they were there because they had a pill addiction. But
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: our program specialized in dealing with folks that legitimately did
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: have chronic pain, and that's what caused all this. And
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: it really is an interesting dynamic when you're trying to
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: confront the emotionality of this, the limitation of this, the
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: life alteration of this, that every day you are going
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: to be destined to feel this, and there's very few
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: options that we can do to take away the pain
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: or make your day better without decreasing your functioning, like
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: giving you a bunch of painkillers and so it puts
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: this person in such a unique dilemma, and as a therapist,
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: you can feel really powerless to try to help them
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: right because on one hand, you know you need to
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: give them that cathartic release. This needs to be a
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: place where they don't have to pretend to be okay,
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: where they can just have hot tears and be enraged
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: and curse God and go through all of it. And
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: you want that to happen here in therapy, in the
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: hope that there'll be less of it when they get
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: back into the real world. But they have that burden
• 42:13
  Speaker 4: on them, and I can see that falling on Mom,
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: where it's like he's confiding in Mom about how shitty
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: everything is, and he's telling her and he's blaming her,
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: and he's angry at her. And it sucks because there's
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: just so much pain and rage that's part of this,
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: and there's something almost therapeutic about getting it out, or
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: even being angry at somebody else, or like yelling at
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: them because they're like, oh, do you want a sandwich?
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: It's like, of course I want a sandwich. I have
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: to take my pills, don't I. And I can't take
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: the pills unless you make me a sandwich. Why would
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: you even ask that stupid ask question? You don't fucking care,
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: And it's like Jesus Christ, I was just trying to
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: give you a sandwich, but like he's angry at everything, right,
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: and like, clearly a rational person would know you've done
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: nothing wrong by offering a sandwich, but the powerlessness, right,
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: And so even when I think about it, like therapeutically,
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: I mean, Dad talking to a therapist, which now in
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: the modern era, you know, with zoom and phone, is
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: a very accessible thing, and I don't know if that's something.
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: Could we bring that up to Dad and say, you know, hey, Dad,
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: you've been through so much. You know, I don't know
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: if I've ever told you this, but like I'm a
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: big mental health advocate. I listened to a dumbass podcast
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: about that, and like I was thinking more and more
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: about how you've been through so much, and maybe you
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: should talk to a therapist about some of this too,
• 43:26
  Speaker 4: and maybe they, you know, I know they can't make
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: it better, but you're going through so much, Dad, and
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: maybe you don't need to always be going through that
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: alone or just with mom, because Mom's part of it.
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: She's in your world and so maybe she can't always
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: take any of that burden away. So I don't know, writer,
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: I mean, that could be one more thing to nudge.
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: Maybe Dad would get something out of that. But that
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: kind of therapy, man, is hard because you're just stuck.
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: You know, there's nothing you can practically offer this person,
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: Like what are you gonna do teach a mindfulness to
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: deal with a shattered fucking spine?
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: Now, you know, it's just so much pain. That was
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: going to be the next thing I suggest.
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: Oh did I step on it?
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: Back it up?
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: Start, start to show over Jacob.
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, he'll do it if he has nice.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Anyway, any last call.
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: On thoughts on this oneing, but he had any other notes. Yeah,
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: it's a tough case.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: There was just one other little thing, just boundaries. I mean,
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: I know it's general, but that can be you with
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: calling your dad. I mean, say you bring all some
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: of these things up to him and he's still not changing,
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: Like you don't have to call and talk to him.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: I know that's hard to say, and that depends on
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: how you feel about that situation. Some people feel guilt
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: not doing that, But you can call less, you know,
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: less often every other week. And if he's like, hey,
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: I haven't heard from you, be like, yeah, well you
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: just keep telling me everything's fine and doesn't seem like
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: everything's fine. Like you can give a general answer to
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: that and it might open a conversation.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: That's a really good point.
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: And the other hand is sharing with your mom that
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: she can have some boundaries too, to say, like if
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: she notices the harm hurtful words or things that are
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: being said, encourage her and give her some examples of
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: how to respond and react and say, you know, if
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: dad does the thing, Yeah, of course I want my
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: pills that you can say, don't talk to me that way.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: I don't appreciate it. Here's your sandwich.
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: And you know what, you bring up a really good
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: point that I can't believe we missed, which is Mom
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: is confiding in you about her truth and what she's
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: going through. If you can steer Mom into a therapy yes,
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: like office that would be true. Is awesome too, because honestly, like,
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: if I had Mom on the line, we'd be right
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: now going through a lot of intervention skills right because
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: we've had to work with really angry people and like
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: addicts and all sorts of stuff, and like there are
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: ways to mitigate an angry person's behaviors while also hearing
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: them and like trying to give them relief, and we
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: do need to talk about boundaries and like not owing
• 45:50
  Speaker 4: anybody your pain or your suffering for their growth or
• 45:53
  Speaker 4: their healing. Like there is some important work that could
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: be done with mom and writer that could alleviate some
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: of your sense of responsibility, where like I don't like
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: mom just being in a punching bag. I feel like
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: maybe I'm supposed to step up on dad and like
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: push him back, but like obviously he's wounded and he's
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: an old man, and I don't want to hurt it,
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: and I don't want to tip exactly empowering mom with
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: some realistic tools like saying, hey, Mom, you know, I
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: did some research. You know, because mom's in her seventies,
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: I think as well, and ye, you know, someday as
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: it could be daunting trying to find a therapist no
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: matter who you are, even if you have great mastery
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: over the tech, but maybe doing that research to say, Mom,
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: you know, I looked up some people in your area,
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: found some people that might be a good fit. I
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: emailed you them. Why don't you click on them take
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: a look, because I really want to get you some
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: coaching and just support as you're going through this, because
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: this has to be horrible for her too. Absolutely, you know,
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: like her lifelong partner is really destroyed here. That's got
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: to affect their finances, has got to affect like her
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: sense of stability, her whole life is becoming a caretaker.
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: Now, there's a lot going on.
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: So if we can take support group or into therapy,
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: that would be tremendous.
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: Writer.
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, anyway, we're gonna take quick break and answer some
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: more questions about would when we come, we're going to
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: talk about moving on from a mugging. You're listening to
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: pod therapy.
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Smitty Scoop, Mason, Miller,
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: Test Miller, Biler, t Paris, Monica, Oscar Swaners, Anna, Marie,
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: Emma Kaine, and Myra. Would you like to sponsor the show?
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: Become a therapy sert Patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to make my Wooden comeback.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: Let's see, Jim, you can do it. I believe I'm
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: gonna give you some exotic wood.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Pronunciation.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Look like a corkscrew.
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: Exciting. Okay, uh, this wood used to make the world's
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: first was this wood was used to make the world's
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: first wooden satellite.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: What wooden satellites go on?
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: Spot? Nick was wood?
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: Give me options?
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: Ligan Vita was always the answer. It's got to be
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: that one.
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: Ukaik h o n okay? I okay, Paul awadialywood. Finally
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: when I can fucking pronounce it, give me plywood? No?
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: Is it?
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: No?
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 48:23
  Speaker 4: I was like, I swear that's always it's ah.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: I want the back star. This woulden satellite.
• 48:32
  Speaker 5: Okay sat is the world's first wooden satellite, launching the
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: space in twenty twenty four. What oh okay, Well that's
• 48:41
  Speaker 5: new ten centimeter cube.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: Man inflation is killing the wooden satellites.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: Now working backwards?
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Japan ah, wait to get in there though.
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: Japan Lingo SATs mission is the test woods viability as
• 48:57
  Speaker 5: a material for space construction.
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: It's a fifty year plan to build timber houses on
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: the on the Moon and Mars.
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, interesting, Wow, that's interesting.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: There you go, listeners, you tuned into pod therapy and
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: you learned something. Write our best efforts, all right, whitney. Yes,
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: this wood accounts for nearly seventy percent of all timber
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: produced annually.
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: Oh boy, get options.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, options. I don't know shit about wood.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: Pine apple, pineapple, Oh, yes, maple, cherry.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: And it's what most would is like if you go
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: to home depot.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: That's how I'm hearing.
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm hearing of the timber produced annually. So, yes,
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: I guess whatever is logged.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and see them again.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: Pine, pine apple, maple.
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: I feel like I know it pine.
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: I feel like you think you know.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: I think it's pine too.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to guess pine because said so can Yes?
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: Can you?
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Can you say this question one more time?
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: No, the wood accounts. This wood accounts for nearly seventy
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: percent of the timber produced annually. Okay, I feel like
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: it's pine.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: I like pine.
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: It is pine.
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: It's a lot of apple.
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: You know, it's just no way, well I was.
• 50:23
  Speaker 5: I wanted even to say the question one more time
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: because it was like, wait, is it the most trees
• 50:27
  Speaker 5: like grown.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Technical no timber, timber. Yeah, yeah.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: I can also tell from the timber of his voice.
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: That it was smart voice was an extract from the
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: bark of this African tree is commonly used as an
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: aphrodisiac and treatment for a reptile dysfunction.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah the fuck tree, all right, give them to me?
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: Is it cinnamon? Oh? Him him abe him, sandal wood
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: or blood?
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: Would sounds good?
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: Yea?
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: That cinnamon was like a home remedy for e Ed.
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: That was it is yo. I'm be yo. It's yo
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: yo yo. It's pronounced yo, spelled yo y o.
• 51:25
  Speaker 4: H I m b e fuck me, I don't know.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, well if I do take some of that bark,
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: I can.
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, okay, you got one for yourself.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: Last one. The Beatles described this would as goodwood in
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: a song released in nineteen sixty five. This up, no
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: shut up, and everybody shut the fuck up thinking up.
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: Then God damn it. I can't hear us anymore about
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: the vikings.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: Norwegian would not in Norwegian wood for two points. That's
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: like five points.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know in this game. So what's.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Around for Nick? The so called Norwegian?
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't know.
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: That's nice. It was also yeah them up? Yeah, album
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: title that was good.
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: So Emma's working on trivia for us, and I think
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: it's Disney.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: I got a brush up on anything.
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm gonna do well.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: So I just got back from Disneyland.
• 52:36
  Speaker 5: There was there was a whole lot of stuff in
• 52:39
  Speaker 5: Disneyland that I was like, what is this?
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: You're just not caught up. Yeah, these are new shows.
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: Did you go to Star Wars Land? We did.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: That's pretty wild.
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: It's amazing.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: Did you ride the Crazy Yes, of course we wrote
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: the rights.
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: Yes, that one was so cool. Oh yeah it was.
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: It was really impressive.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, awesome.
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I really want to go as a Star Wars fan.
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: I just don't want to have to deal with Disney.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, oh, that'd be fun.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: There was a way to just dip in to do that. Yeah,
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: I mean I think you just have to go during
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: like a slow time.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: One are the super Bowl?
• 53:16
  Speaker 5: Well, during the week helps basically like during the week
• 53:20
  Speaker 5: during school.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a big chunk.
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: That's that's fine. I don't have kids.
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: That's a fine rule of thumb. That's how.
• 53:25
  Speaker 5: That's how we used to when we went to Disney
• 53:27
  Speaker 5: all the time. That's how that's when we would go.
• 53:29
  Speaker 5: We'd go like Wednesday in November.
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: There's a there's a website where they show you, like
• 53:35
  Speaker 4: how populated it is, and I think that.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: They think it's called Disneyland dot com. That might be it.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a little known website.
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: The slowest day of the year I think is Father's
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: Day because dads are not trying to fucking go to No,
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: that's not what we're doing on my day, So I
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: think the slow is day of his fathers.
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: We went and met my brother and sister law and
• 54:00
  Speaker 5: their kids there. They they've they did a little West
• 54:03
  Speaker 5: coast trip and s J and I surprised them and
• 54:06
  Speaker 5: met them in We surprised the kids, my brother and
• 54:09
  Speaker 5: sister in law.
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: We all set it up.
• 54:11
  Speaker 5: But yeah, we surprised them and met them at Disney
• 54:14
  Speaker 5: and everything and had had a really good time. But
• 54:16
  Speaker 5: watching my uh brother, my in laws, watching my brother
• 54:20
  Speaker 5: and sister in law uh deal with their older children
• 54:25
  Speaker 5: like college age. The youngest is in middle school, but
• 54:28
  Speaker 5: like the oldest is college age, and like watching them
• 54:31
  Speaker 5: deal with that, I was like, this is this is
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: there's a lot.
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: It's a lot, and it's a lot for.
• 54:37
  Speaker 5: My parents, but I mean for Dad and mom too,
• 54:40
  Speaker 5: uh to like deal with to have to deal with with.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: People in Disneyland.
• 54:46
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's just awful because then everybody's got opinions, right,
• 54:49
  Speaker 4: that's like, oh, what should we do next?
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: Well, I want to That was too long because you're.
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: Making these big decisions because if you go get in
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: a line so much an hour or two of your life,
• 54:57
  Speaker 4: like you can only do so many of these. Did
• 54:59
  Speaker 4: you guys get stupid ass lighting passes?
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Jacob smugg Yeah yeah, I have opinions on it.
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: They aren't to.
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: Some degree they need to be worked on. I mean,
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: the whole thing to me just pisses me off. You know,
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: here we go there, you know, it's just it's just
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: like it's just set up where it's like, oh, life
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: is going to be an inconvenience unless you got money,
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: you know, like if you're wealthy enough, then you shouldn't
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: have to be inconvenienced for anything.
• 55:36
  Speaker 5: No, no, no, it's no yeah, no, no no, because it's
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: it's it's still very inconvenient. I'm like, part of part
• 55:46
  Speaker 5: of my critique of this is that there are aspects
• 55:49
  Speaker 5: of it that should be better.
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, because it's yeah, I get that, but
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: like it's just.
• 55:54
  Speaker 8: Like you you're at a theme park, like there's not
• 55:58
  Speaker 8: there's not a way short of spending the thousands of
• 56:00
  Speaker 8: dollars required to get like the guide where you don't
• 56:04
  Speaker 8: and you of the lines short of that, because I've
• 56:06
  Speaker 8: done that.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: That is oh my god, money can buy shit for you.
• 56:11
  Speaker 5: Because this is maybe slightly it's it's not slightly, it's
• 56:16
  Speaker 5: it is the same amount of inconvenience as a normal ticket,
• 56:19
  Speaker 5: but you might ride a few extra rides that you
• 56:22
  Speaker 5: wouldn't have if you if you just bought the regular ticket,
• 56:25
  Speaker 5: you should be in line for a little bit longer.
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: I guess I'm just saying that there's stuff like this
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: that just irritates me. Like going to the airport and
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: it's like, okay, well, if you pay us this much money,
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: you can cut in front of these people. Then like, oh,
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: but these people paid extra money so they get to
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: cut in front of these people. And these people paid
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: even more money, so they gets cut in front of.
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: They don't the airport.
• 56:46
  Speaker 4: You've created a problems, and then you offer us the
• 56:49
  Speaker 4: opportunity to pay extra money for you to solve them right,
• 56:52
  Speaker 4: and just it's just bullshit. Now I'm with you one
• 56:54
  Speaker 4: hundred percent. I would never get those lightning passes right,
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: except that we went for free, and then I was like, Okay,
• 56:59
  Speaker 4: my only expenses these stupid lightning passes.
• 57:02
  Speaker 5: But I think, yeah, what they're gonna do it eventually
• 57:06
  Speaker 5: is make it where yeah, like you just you're just
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: gonna want to have the lightning passes.
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: If everyone has super lightnings.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: But no, that is that is kind of because the
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: way it.
• 57:18
  Speaker 5: Works in theory, at least you could set it up
• 57:21
  Speaker 5: where if everyone had it, it would be much better.
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because if everyone had it.
• 57:26
  Speaker 5: Now everybody is in a virtual line, so everybody just
• 57:29
  Speaker 5: shows up at their at their appointment time and then
• 57:32
  Speaker 5: they do it, and like, it really could be streamlined
• 57:35
  Speaker 5: very well. I think.
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: There is.
• 57:40
  Speaker 5: There is no because you hike up take prices for
• 57:43
  Speaker 5: for it across the board. If you make it something
• 57:45
  Speaker 5: where literally every person coming in is buying that extra thing,
• 57:50
  Speaker 5: there's a fun ton of money in that. I think
• 57:52
  Speaker 5: this is a I think this is an example of
• 57:54
  Speaker 5: something where like you could make it really good and
• 57:57
  Speaker 5: that would just benefit both the customer and the person
• 58:01
  Speaker 5: making the money off of it.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: They're paying more but then getting a better experience.
• 58:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, everyone is if it was an extra hundred dollars
• 58:08
  Speaker 5: and you were like, yeah, like for an extra hundred
• 58:10
  Speaker 5: dollars on top of your ticket price, which is already
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: prohibitively expensive for a lot of people. I mean it's yeah,
• 58:15
  Speaker 5: it's a day at Disneyland is not a cheap day.
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: What I hear? Hear me out. Yeah, this is where
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: you're starting to win me over, starting to did every
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: ride and.
• 58:32
  Speaker 4: You're starting to win me. I mean you seemed like
• 58:35
  Speaker 4: a psycho earlier, but now I'm kind of getting that language.
• 58:40
  Speaker 4: If you're willing to budge on the shopping cart thing,
• 58:42
  Speaker 4: we could find some common He's dead already to.
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: Anywhere you want.
• 58:46
  Speaker 4: There's everybody's fine, you know.
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: It's two thoughts on this Disneyland thing.
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: One I had read somewhere on the internet because I
• 58:54
  Speaker 4: think I was stuck in one of these lines. I
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: was like, why is this a thing?
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 58:57
  Speaker 4: How is there any financial benefit to fucking me in
• 59:00
  Speaker 4: this line where I can't spend any money for an hour?
• 59:03
  Speaker 4: But then when I looked into it, they were there
• 59:05
  Speaker 4: was an explanation online that's said they're getting around the
• 59:08
  Speaker 4: fire code this way, like the park can host like
• 59:12
  Speaker 4: ten x more humans because they're stored away in these
• 59:17
  Speaker 4: safe zones. Where there you can anticipate there will be
• 59:21
  Speaker 4: these percentages in every zone.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: There will always be.
• 59:24
  Speaker 4: Safe transit, and you couldn't possibly like if all the
• 59:28
  Speaker 4: humans were released from all the lines at once, you
• 59:31
  Speaker 4: couldn't have them accessing every vendor in every shop. But
• 59:33
  Speaker 4: there are too many. But there are too many because
• 59:36
  Speaker 4: they're stored away in these lines. So you can increase
• 59:39
  Speaker 4: the maximum capacity of the park, which means you sell
• 59:41
  Speaker 4: more three hundred dollars tickets, so that becomes their their mode, Like, yeah,
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: they could solve the line problem. There's a lot of
• 59:47
  Speaker 4: ways to the lines actually are some kind of fire
• 59:49
  Speaker 4: code thing where you've stored humans.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Away you can come in. The only way to solve
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: the line problem in part.
• 59:56
  Speaker 5: Okay, so one of the two ways to solve part
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 5: is like you either have to have more rides so
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 5: there's more more often spread out, or you limit the
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 5: number of people coming in exactly, which is kind of
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 5: what they're doing now. They are having to you cannot
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 5: like when we when we walked in the other day,
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 5: the ticket booths at the at the front were just closed.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, everybody had a reservation.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 5: You make every single person there that they had had
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 5: a reservation that they had set up beforehand.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 4: Lightning pass hack though, that we figured out when we
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 4: last went, because when you get a lightning pass, basically
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: you have to use it to make a reservation on
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 4: another ride, and so once you've used it, your ticket's occupied.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: Like if if you say, okay, two putting it on
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: the mat one every two hours or until you ride
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 4: the ride. So like if you say I'm putting it
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: on the matterhorn or whatever, you can't lightning pass into
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: other things while it's sitting on the map.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: What do you do while you go right on? You
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: stand in line, stand line for like an hour.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: You get the auto save on a good ride, and
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 4: then you try to just squeeze in one or two
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 4: while you're waiting for your ticket to get up, or.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: You have lunch or whatever.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 4: But here's the So we had multiple lightning passes, but
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: what you usually do is everybody in your group lightnings
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: for the same ride, right because we want to ride together.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 4: So let's say the four of us went to the park,
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 4: we allD lightning passes. We would all lightning onto the
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 4: matter horn, and then we'd go bullshit and try to
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: do other rides until our time comes for the matter
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: and then our thing you would say your time is up.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: The trick is just one of you put your dib
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 4: on the matter horn, the other three dib on other rides.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: You still go through the lightning line as a group.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 4: They not fucking check. So if one of you walks
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: up with your phone, because there's a little scanning section
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 4: where you have to scan in. If one of you
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 4: walks up and you all huddle together and you just
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 4: are scanning it in, it will beep and the person
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 4: will assume that you scan in everybody's tickets and you
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 4: just go on through. So we caught onto this halfway
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 4: through our last Disney visit. We started doing it that way,
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 4: and then we had four lightning passes operating simultaneous, grabbing
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 4: up the next ride, the next rid So then we
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 4: were walking out of one straight into the next, and
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 4: we're rotating through them.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: That's what I was thinking.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: That's how I stuck.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: Into the man.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 5: That's an example of how you know you're not taking
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 5: responsibility as a single member of society to help improve
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 5: the rest of society.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: Now you're on Disney Disney, this was sounding very shopping
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: cardishbedience statesman.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: Or something.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: I think it's just me from selective broke me all right?
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: His last moral fiber just.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 5: Checked the end of the game. Now on, I have, Okay,
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 5: I have. Do you know about the overtime?
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: It wasn't fun double overtime. It's still going. It is
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: not they it all all right? Last question for Yah
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: about Disney had Disney. Last question for the night.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: Moving on from a mugging, Hey, guys, my partner and
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 4: I were mugged in broad daylight recent by five dudes,
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 4: and three of them had guns. We didn't lose anything
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 4: too valuable, and although my partner got pistol.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 3: Whipped oly shit, we didn't need.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 4: Stitches or a lot of medical attention. We're lucky that
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: we both have therapists and PTO to take in good
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: supportive friends. But how do we move on from this?
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 4: I know it'll take time, but it's exhausting to hear
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 4: relatives tell me I should get a concealed carry license.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 4: I will not be doing that. I don't want a
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 4: gun in my home ever. Or they tell us that
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 4: we should move because the city is becoming too dangerous.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 4: These comments are usually race based or xenophobic too. We
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 4: love our city. We love walking to places, and we
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 4: don't feel like this will deter us from living our lives.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 3: Did they say what the city was? They did? Okay, now,
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: but how do I explain curious? Yeah?
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 4: So how do I explain that to my ultra conservative
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 4: family or co workers? Thanks Anonymous.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm glad you're a ban third. I guarantee these
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: five dudes don't return shopping.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah all right, Jesus, your theory is starting to make
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 4: so much sense.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not think about it. The more you think
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: about it, it's just a weird standard to apply. But seriously,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: I am glad you're okay, And I'm sorry that.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: Is more insane and so scary.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 3: Scary.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, So an adjacent kind of interesting tidbit I just
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: read the other day was that they and they is
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: very vague because this is not scientific. Some people that
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: exist interviewed people in jail for like muggings and like assaults,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: things like that, like the random stuff that happens like this,
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: and they asked, like what do you look for, you know,
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: things like that, And I believe they were referring to women,
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: like when women are walking out at night, like how
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: do you choose who you're going to attack, And they
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: said it was the gate or the way like the
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: woman walked, if they walked with like confidence or you know,
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 2: like they weren't distracted. It was very much like that
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: person could probably fight back or something. Then that was
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: their number one listed thing.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: Shy shuffle.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: So if you're like looking down, yeah, yes, isn't that interesting.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: So it's the same I didn't know this. You're just like.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, just constantly shuffling, looking at my shoes, mumbling to
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 4: my ideas, like I have a crazy vibe.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 3: I don't know that guy might bite me crazy where
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: you should we should give you a T shirt says warning,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: I'm a bier.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I just I walk around with extended arms, you know,
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 4: my hands just draped.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 5: That's the same ideas like walking in somewhere where you're
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 5: not supposed to be, like into an event that you
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 5: don't have a ticket for or something like that. If
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 5: you walk and behave with a certain level of confidence,
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 5: people just will leave you alone, like good, bad or
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 5: indifferent people will just leave you alone because like if
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 5: you if you see somebody like do I want to
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 5: mug this person?
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 3: They're walking with confidence.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 5: Part of your brain goes like they probably have a
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 5: reason to be that confidence.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 4: Well, and you know, obviously in this it gets weird.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 4: Five people, this doesn't that's whoever's there.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 2: I thought I would share what I learned.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 4: It's good information. Have any of you ever gone through
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 4: anything like this being held up or threatened?
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 5: Like I've gotten mugged, but never there was never like
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 5: violence involved.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: And I always both times that had happened, what.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 4: You can mugged twice?
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's it was sincerely not a big deal.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, neither one of Vegas.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 5: One of one of the guys had a knife and
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 5: one of the guys said he had like a gun
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 5: or a knife.
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, I think I think he said he had a knife.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 5: Just give me your wallet, that's it. And it's both
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 5: times like I didn't have. I think the most I
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 5: lost was like forty something dollars.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, here you go.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 5: So I was like, yep, great, Yeah, it was scary, right.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 5: I mean, I feel like I'm kind of being glib
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 5: about it right now and I don't mean to.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 3: Go through it.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 7: It's like, you know, like in both instances, it was
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 7: like I've had that and I've been robbed, like I
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 7: had had my car broke it into one time and
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 7: the car was robbed.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 5: They definitely did more damage than the value of the
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 5: stuff that they took with the car.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: That was just annoying. That just pissed me because.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 5: I had a convertible and the way they broke in
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 5: was they cut through the top and I was like,
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 5: you just caused like two thousand dollars worth of damage
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 5: to take the change out of my ash tray. I
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 5: had like a multi toool, like a Gerber multi toool
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 5: and the like. They probably took sixty dollars worth of stuff.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 5: It caused two thousand dollars worth of damage. I was like,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 5: I would if you had knocked on my door, I
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 5: would have given you too. I would have given you
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 5: just like sixty dollars.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just said give me sixty dollars.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 5: Well, it took the face place off my radio which
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 5: was coded to my radio, so it wasn't even valuable outside.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah it was. It was frustrating. Yeah, but yeah, like
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 5: both both times it was unpleasant. And it happened to
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 5: my brother once when he was out of the country,
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 5: but he had been warned to carry a decoy wallet. Wow,
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 5: so he had a he had a spare wallet with
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 5: him that he just gave the gave the mugger, uh,
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 5: which writer, I would say that is a better safety
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 5: tip than you carrying a gun.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean the gun. Yeah, it may help you,
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 3: it may escalate.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 4: We.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 3: Escalate it. You know.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 5: It's all the stats out there, like you're more likely
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 5: to hurt yourself or hurt somebody that you know with
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 5: the with the gun and all that stuff. And the
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 5: thing that people don't talk about is if you get
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 5: held up and you want and then they want everything
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 5: out of your wallet, they want your credit cards and
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 5: you're in your cash or whatever you've got. If you
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 5: kill that person, you have to deal with the fact
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 5: that you killed that person over you know, even if
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 5: you have one thousand dollars on you, Like, I don't
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 5: know if you're willing to get somebody for a thousand
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 5: dollars and that's not going to bother you for the
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 5: rest of your life.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: I guess that's fine.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 4: But I had an episode years ago, and I've told
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 4: the story in the show, but it was probably like
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 4: a season two or some shit. This is a very
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 4: very long time ago. But I was visiting a friend's
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 4: house and it was his birthday, and so we had
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 4: a bunch of people over and we were all getting
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 4: in our cars to drive down the street and go
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 4: off to a park to play volleyball one evening. And
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 4: there was a guy there that I didn't know at
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 4: the party, and he was kind of drunk and he's
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 4: kind of being a shitty guy. His girlfriend break up
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 4: with him or something like that, just being a jerk,
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 4: and so he gets in his car and he just
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 4: peels out down this community road that's called a Sack
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 4: and there are families out in the road. It was
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 4: like a Friday night, and they're out there with their
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 4: kids and hanging out, and you know, they are a
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 4: bunch of like tough looking dudes, but they're in front
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 4: of their own house. They're not bothering anybody, you know,
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 4: and they're all just sitting out there, drinking, hanging out,
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 4: playing music and talking. Well, then he peels out and
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 4: just like that was very threatening to all of them. Well,
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 4: the rest of us were in three or four cars
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 4: convoying behind him, and so now this guy flies through
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 4: and then they're all like startled spear and then you know,
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 4: also turns out very tough customers like These guys are
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 4: not about to take that kind of shit lying down.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 4: They were fine until you provoked them. These are not
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 4: the guys you fucking provoke, because now they will make
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 4: this all your problem, which they promptly did. And so
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 4: my car was right behind him, and I'm trying to
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 4: like wave through very dark tinted windows at night that
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 4: like I am sorry, trying to signal like don't know
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 4: that guy, I'm so sorry.
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: Are you guys okay?
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 4: But like they're screaming, punching the windows and stuff, and
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 4: so like this is not wise to stop in this
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 4: road and try to talk it out right, So I
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 4: keep driving, And that was shitty because I'm like, now
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 4: I'm probably coming off as indifferent and like an asshole.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 4: I go forward, I pull right, and then there's a park,
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 4: not the park that was our destination, but another one
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 4: that's on my right, and as I'm driving up to
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 4: enter the main road, all of a sudden, all these
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 4: guys in their cars comes screaming up and they pin
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 4: me into the park. And so like a truck cuts
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 4: me off and dudes jump out of the back with
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 4: baseball bats, and then another car comes up behind me
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 4: and pins me from behind. And so now there's like
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 4: six guys all out of their cars hitting my car
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 4: with the baseball. They get the fuck out of the car,
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 4: and like, I'm there with my cousin. He's in my
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 4: passenger seat and my cousin. I don't think anybody in
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 4: the room's ever met him. He's a really really big guy.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 4: He's a Viking of a man. He's a very very
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 4: big dude, and so like, and I'm an idiot and
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 4: so giant yea, I think of a parking Yeah, it's
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 4: like Nordic dude. But as they're screaming and hitting the car,
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 4: I do the very stupid thing, which is roll down
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 4: the window to try to talk to them. And so
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 4: here I am rolling down my window thinking I'll just
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 4: explain to these good gentlemen, I'm not with that asshole.
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 4: I too think he's a bad per I'm so sorry
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 4: that happened.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: Are you okay?
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 4: That was a mistake because as soon as I rolled
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 4: down that window, they were in the car on me.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 4: So I'm getting punched. They're grabbing me, trying to pull
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 4: me out of the driver's seat. Twenties, so probably like
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 4: mid twenties. I was a father at the time. So yeah,
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 4: thank god my kids aren't with me. I mean, I
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 4: was just visiting my cousin for his birthday. And so
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 4: they're reaching over trying to like unbuckle me, to like
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 4: pull me through the window. And then my cousin, who
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 4: I describe as a viking. This is why, because he
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 4: threw two grown men off of me. Like he just
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 4: reaches forward from the passenger seat, shoves both these guys
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 4: back out of the car. And then, you know, thankfully,
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 4: I mean, right or wrong, he made the split decision,
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 4: like I can't keep them out of the car. You're trapped.
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 4: Our vehicle is trapped. Get the fuck out of the car,
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 4: Like we have to stand ground, Like that's the only
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 4: thing you can do, because these guys are just gonna
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 4: fucking murder you. So we both like, you know, he
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 4: pulls open my seat belt and grabs me, and then
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 4: he throws open his passenger side door and pulls me out,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 4: and uh, and then these guys are on us at
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 4: that point, so they surround us. It's this very sticky situation.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 4: The cars behind us are catching up to us.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 3: There you go, but uh, they.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: Have like I'm a really bad truck I've read these
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: problems with myself.
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 4: Anyway, the whole situation did de escalate because one of
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 4: their friends was watching this all happen and he like
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 4: I came over and appealed to him because he was
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 4: the only one that seemed calm, and I was like, dude,
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 4: you know you I don't know if you understand this,
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 4: but like I don't know who that guy was that
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 4: drove past you.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: Guys.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 4: We're at a birthday party. It's we're really nice. We
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 4: live here, my cousins lived in this neighbord for twenty years,
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 4: like we are your neighbors. And he was like, look, man,
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 4: my friends are gonna fuck you guys up, like unless
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 4: you get the fuck out of here right now. And
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 4: I'm like I would love to, you know, like you're
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 4: and he was like I'm gonna I'm gonna dive into
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 4: the truck. I'm gonna move the truck, get the fuck
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 4: out of here. And so it's like okay, and so
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 4: like right then he jumps in the truck, he pulls
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 4: out and like he like startles all of his friends
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 4: because they're alterning like what do you do?
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 4: And then like me and my cousin dive into our car,
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 4: smash the gas, peel out, get out of there, and uh,
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 4: and that's how it all de escalated. Later, I went
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 4: to a gun store, you know, obviously quite shaken up,
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 4: and I didn't have a weapon on Maria at that
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 4: And so I go to this gun store and I'm
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 4: shopping for pistols and I talked to an off duty
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 4: cop who's who's hanging out there. I tell them the
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 4: whole story. And so I've got like all these people
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 4: working there and I'm telling them my story. And so
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 4: I say to the cop, I say, well, you know,
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 4: what was the right thing? Like should I have had
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 4: a gun? And he said, honestly no, and the same
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 4: reason you guys just brought up. He said, if you
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 4: would have had a gun, now you're gonna have to
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 4: kill them, because like, now there's eight dudes with bats.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 3: They're going to.
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: You're killing somebody.
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, they could have hit you in the face with
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 4: that bat.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 3: They didn't. You were unarmed.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 4: They were you know, they fucked you up pretty good,
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 4: but like they didn't try to care. You've got a gun.
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 4: You seem threatening to them now. And you know, he
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 4: kind of told me some stories. But one of the
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 4: things he kind of shared was if you had fired
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 4: that gun, which you probably would have, because they're gonna scatter,
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 4: they're gonna take the weapons with them. We're going to
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 4: see a dead body, your car.
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: And you you're under arrest.
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 4: And whenever we try to interview people, we're gonna have
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 4: eight dudes walk over and say that son of a
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 4: bitch drove his car almost hit our kids. We confronted him,
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 4: he shot my friend. Yeah, that's the story. Yeah, Yeah,
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 4: you're going to jail. Yeah, and it's going to take
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 4: a lot to reverse that murder.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 2: You're going to jail for something.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're taking somebody.
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 4: It's you, dummy, You fired the gun, right and so,
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 4: and he's like, and if they did have a gun,
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 4: you're not in a better position because you have one.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 3: Like now, it's just firefight. You're gonna get shot too, right,
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 3: So it's just a mess.
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: You don't want to get into a gunfight.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 3: Nothing's gonna happen. So I asked them, like, well, then
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 3: what the fuck do you do?
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 4: Like I'm supposed to just like stand up and muscle
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 4: these guys, Like, what what's the option? And he said,
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 4: I know it's gonna sound silly to you, but he said,
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 4: fucking pepper spray pepper And at the time I was
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 4: like this twenty something old kid. I was like, really,
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 4: pepper spray. Yeah, girls, yeah, And he's like, like, you
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 4: dumb ass. Have you ever been hit by pepper spray?
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 4: He's like, we have to do it as part of
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 4: the academy. We'd rather be shot. That would be great.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 5: But I have been in a I've been in like
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 5: a room where I was not there when pepper spray
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 5: was sprayed. I walked in a few minutes later still,
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 5: and it was like like a warehouse building. This wasn't
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 5: like a little room or something like that. Like it
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 5: was a big, cavernous building and like could not be
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 5: in the area. Oh, it's awful where it had been discharged.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 5: Absolutely nodding and crying, just standing there. And that's like
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 5: I wasn't incapacitated or anything. But like, if you get
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 5: hit with that, oh no, he said, yeah, the superior weapon.
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 5: In that scenario, eight guys facing off with you, you spray
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 5: them all and then run. And he said at that
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 5: point they're not chasing you. It turns out humans need
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 5: oxygen and like if they don't have that, it's over.
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 5: They can't see you, there's nothing they can do. Yeah,
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 5: and you're and he's like, and also it's not but
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 5: we will never charge you with that.
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 4: We don't give a fuck. Like it's the worst of
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 4: It's over. In two hours, they'll wash it out. But
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 4: like you will not be hurt, and that's the end
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 4: of it.
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 5: And also like legally, I think if if you if
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 5: you try to use non lethal force and something happens,
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 5: like if they have a reaction and die or something like,
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 5: the assumption was non leg that's it, like you you
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 5: were attempting this type of fourth Like if you have
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 5: a gun and shoot somebody and they die, and you say.
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: Well, I was trying to wound them. I wasn't trying
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: to kill.
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 3: The assumption of it.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 5: That's that's like, there's no that's that used the gun.
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 5: That is that is right, at least trying to use deadly.
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 4: So I relate to this this letter a lot like
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 4: that particular story.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah there was a letter, Yeah.
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 3: Right, it's about what happened.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 4: Next, I relate to the Minnesota Vikings came out for
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 4: the second half. Take them right back to the pain
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 4: because it haunted me for a really long time and
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 4: like it.
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 2: Like because that's what I was gonna ask this person
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: because I had one client who U was mugged at gunpoints,
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: the female and one male had had you know, done
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: that to her and she was scarred for months. We
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 2: worked through this and just yeah, the the PTSD like
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 2: symptoms like trouble sleeping, having nightmares, fear of going anywhere,
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: and definitely not near that vicinity. That same client actually
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 2: ended up at UNLV when the.
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 4: Oh, the shooting happened.
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 2: I was like, good grief denminator.
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 4: You know, but it's it really is haunting. I totally
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 4: undertand that thought of like you overcome that, like and
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 4: and writer, you're you're pecking at the right ideas here.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 4: That it does take time, and it does you have
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 4: to intentionally not become avoidant. And that was something I
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 4: had to challenge myself, you know, because like I was
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 4: scared to drive at night, I was scared to drive
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 4: the neighborhoods. I was scared to return back to my cousins.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 2: But any movement was like is that somebody make me?
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, extremely jumpy and like you know, and then constantly
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 4: like I went from just sort of this guy who
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 4: is driving around and never sized up other guys with
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 4: this idea of like they could that person hurt me?
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 4: How would I fare against them?
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 2: Never thought or no, something someone would chase after you
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 2: in their car, you would just want off driving thinking
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: oh no.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 4: And then after this it's like this you've lost your
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 4: innocence whenever something like that's happened, because you go through
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 4: your life and somehow nine billion humans most of the
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 4: time were not violent most of the time. You don't
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 4: have to walk into any given bar or any situation
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 4: and ask yourself like could that person hurt me? Could
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 4: I ever power them? Could I get away? You don't
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 4: have to live in a world where you think that.
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 4: But then when you go through something like this mugging
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 4: or what I went through, you suddenly have that innocence
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 4: ripped away from you. Where now you have to ask
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 4: yourself in a physical world where things descend into violence,
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 4: would I be okay? Do I need to stay armed?
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 4: Do I need to stay prepared? And that sense of
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 4: readiness blows But like adding insult to injury with the
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 4: writers talking about having your friends and family get political
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 4: about it, which I can totally they didn't tell us
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 4: what city it is, but like, assume at San Francisco, right,
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 4: Assume it's Seattle or something like that. And it's like
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 4: there's all this conservative propaganda out there about like how
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 4: California is this failed state like Chicago, Chicago right now,
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 4: and it's like they paint this picture like these places
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 4: are fucking war zone.
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 3: All it is is it's it's just urban versus rural.
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, that's it's just all the city. But no,
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 4: I can I imagine that is a lot of salt
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 4: in the wood.
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you hear that. I hear this all
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 3: the time actually from people I know who live in
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 3: Vegas and they're just like it's just getting too crazy here.
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 2: I got to move Vegas.
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 3: But I mean, how insulting.
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 4: Like then, I remember hearing that from people too, like well, Jim,
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 4: you shouldn't be hanging out in this but like I
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 4: have family that lives their asshole. People like yeah, we whatever,
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 4: Like there's families that live in that neighbor live in
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 4: southern high that's your problem. And it's like Jesus, like crash,
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 4: but that's very insulting, Like, oh, the answer is, don't
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 4: be poor like the answer is like, don't live in
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 4: those cities.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: That pretty good answer. You know who did this, Biden?
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 3: And it's like I relate to the writer that it's
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 3: like really like, come the funk.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: I was just in California for one one day.
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 5: While I was driving, I was literally just driving along
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 5: and thinking about like, Yeah, this is what a lot
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 5: of people in Vegas are screaming about.
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: That we're becoming California. We're becoming California.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 5: And I started asking when people because that's just a
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 5: common thing that people yell California.
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 4: We're just eastern California.
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: And I want to start asking in what way?
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, just give me any specific examples, because I don't
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 5: much of a similarity.
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 9: Oh not even not even a special Hell, I feel
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 9: like about eighty five percent of when something goes wrong
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 9: and when I'm driving around and it's someone, eighty five
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 9: percent of the time, it's a California license.
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 5: That's just because they're more more tourists from California are
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 5: bringing their cars in than tourists from other states like
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 5: cars from California. So like it's it's just not an
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 5: even comparison.
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 3: One way, Well, that's.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 2: That's the route I was going to go with, like
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 2: there's more yeah crime, or you live in a city.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 2: I'm like, we got there's more people in a city,
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: so there's going to be more crime.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: Like that's just how that Southern California fame.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: A percentage amount maybe.
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 5: Like more a three to four hour drive from southern
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 5: California and like it's a short drive from other places too,
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 5: but southern California has twelve kajillion people living.
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 3: More happy to bring their gambling asses here.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: That's it. So they come over and they're on our road.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 2: Tell you, that's what I mean.
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 4: I do think that the every intersection taco shop thing
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 4: is feeling California.
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: That's a little little Californian.
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 3: No, I think it's pretty Vegas.
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 5: I mean, having just come from California, it doesn't Yeah,
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 5: it really doesn't look the same.
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 3: Cheap.
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 2: No, I do think people in Vegas put too much California.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 3: Really think they do?
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it is.
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 2: It is too much of a complaint, Like it's just
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 2: getting to be a bigger city with more A.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 4: Lot of Vegas comes from Cali, so right, short, which anyway,
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 4: back to being mugged and like how to deal with
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 4: this thoughts? On, so like, I think you nailed it,
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 4: Whitney talking about strategies of like, Okay, so we've dealt
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 4: with people that are victims.
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 2: I don't I explain it to my ultra conservative family
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 2: or coworkers. I think you already did. We love our
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 2: city and we love walking places, and that getting mugged
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 2: was scary. You can like say all the same things.
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 2: It was scary. I wish it didn't happen. I wouldn't
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 2: want anyone else to go through that. But the value
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 2: I get from living in this city I can walk
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 2: in and enjoy the food and whatever else, seeing your friends,
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 2: meeting up with them whatever, that means more to me. Honestly,
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 2: even being more diverse. That's one of the things I
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 2: love about Las Vegas, and I have a hard time
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 2: going back to Texas and dealing with the lack of diversity.
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 2: And I mean from all over the world here, which
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 2: is so cool. You can hear all different kinds of
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 2: like accents, languages, like styles, like it's just really cool
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 2: to see. And I think sharing all that with your
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 2: ultra conservative friends, they are not going to be like,
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 2: oh okay, they never will be, So it doesn't it
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 2: doesn't really matter.
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 3: At some point you'd stop explaining it. Really, I think
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 3: you're just kind of like like, I.
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 2: Guess they were already looking at you like you're crazy,
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 2: and now it's.
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 3: Like my reaction to this is like, oh, well, you know,
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 3: why don't you leave or whatever? It's like, well, I
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 3: why do I have to change? I'm not the one
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 3: that sucks. These five guys. They are the knuckle dragging
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 3: chuckle fucks that are, you know, causing the problem. Yeah,
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 3: these are the guys that need like that's the problem.
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 3: It's not me, it's not the city, it's those guys.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 5: But Nick need to rephrase that and look at it
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 5: kind of from their perspective a little bit, instead of
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 5: saying they're knuckle dragging fuckheads. Let's say there are five
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 5: scared individuals and how do we deal with them?
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: Then?
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we let fanos do we put one shopping in
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 3: the streets and see what they?
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 4: Of course nature being Nick Tangent, Yeah, sniper rifle Tangent
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 4: up there, bring justice. Here's the thing, it would put
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 4: the cart back, you son of a bitch.
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 5: Put it is the hero we deserve.
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 4: Out of a man hole cover wearing a fucking Walmart vesta.
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 3: It's I am justice, I am the night. It's humane.
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 3: They feel no pain, there's nothing they could They wouldn't
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 3: even remember it.
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Yeah, that's that's really very kind of view.
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 2: There was something else is going to say to that.
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 3: I'm making.
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 2: I know, right, those a really good conu having the
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 2: comments being race based or is innophobic. I kind of
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: want to challenge, or not challenge. I would be tempted
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 2: to push back if they start saying comments like that,
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 2: like all these blank people are doing this, or it's
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 2: because of blank people like that this is happening. You
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 2: can say maybe maybe not, but that doesn't matter to us.
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 2: We're not thinking like that, like just and that's why
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 2: I say push but you're not really, but just to
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 2: help them see a different way, like oh, that was
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 2: the other thing I was going to say, is that
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 2: rural areas can be dangerous in very different ways. You're
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 2: far from hospitals or like doctors. If you fall and
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 2: break your femur.
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 4: Which is about the same strength as what was the
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 4: paper birch.
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 3: Well, sure we're taking that point away. You now have
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 3: negative to use.
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 2: Tim learned to think, well, you're right, crime is everywhere crime.
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 4: You know, temptations be like oh well Chicago blah blah blah,
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 4: and it's like, okay, I get that, but per capita
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 4: and and maybe there is, maybe there is a higher
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 4: rate of crime. There's also more economic opportunity. There's also
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 4: more fucking museums here than in your small town or whatever.
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 2: So yeah, like great, I'm safe now in this small
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 2: town and I'm bored out of my mind, and.
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 4: I choose to live in a space that that carries
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 4: these risks. There's still a learning opportunity. Writer, And like
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 4: I don't want to just wash away a mugging and like,
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 4: you know, just say hey, you know what sociological blah
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 4: blah blahs, and now we've just given you platitudes. I
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 4: want to look at it and say, Okay, you're allowed
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 4: to be scared. You're allowed to sit down and ask
• 1:27:39
  Speaker 4: questions about like your safety. Where were their warning signs?
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 4: Are there parts of town that we choose to avoid
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 4: now because there's no longer safety in that?
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 2: Or now carry me.
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 1: That's what I did learn from the experience.
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 5: Accept the experience, and and and you know, whatever help
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 5: you need to kind of get past this, and therapy
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 5: and anything else. But yeah, I mean the only good
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 5: thing that can come from this is that you can
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 5: learn from it.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it is, and it does get better over time. Writer.
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 4: I mean, whenever people go through you know, shootings, traumas, muggings,
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 4: violent crime, therapists get a lot of that, you know,
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 4: with those those people come to us afterward, and a
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 4: lot of times we are looking for that acute stress disorder,
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 4: We are looking for adjustment disorder. Down the road, we're
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 4: looking for PTSD. Yeah, And the way that we usually
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 4: want to engage with that is talking through the situation
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 4: as you remember it, Like we want you to process it,
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 4: and with your partner, we want the two of you
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 4: to talk through the memory.
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: When did you notice this, What.
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 3: Do you recall?
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 4: What did it feel like? Giving yourself permission to re
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 4: access the memory rather than becoming avoidant of it, I
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 4: think is really important because I think it's kind of
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 4: like the emotional yoga of like kneading out those muscles
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 4: and like allowing your brain to remember this in a
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 4: sense of having some measure of control over it. Now,
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 4: that's a big part of how we, like over time,
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 4: get through it. Like for me, going through that thing
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 4: that I went through telling the story was therapeutic, like
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 4: sharing the story and then re like living it and
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 4: thinking about it, asking myself what could I have done differently?
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 4: What would I do differently if I had it to
• 1:29:13
  Speaker 4: do again, And then yeah, taking some action steps that
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 4: looked like seeking safety I don't think is wrong.
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 3: You know. I always kind of use the filing cabinet
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 3: example with the brain, like your brain has to have
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 3: someplace to file this away, yeah, otherwise, yeahwise, otherwise it
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 3: just becomes clutter like it stays there, it gets in
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 3: the way of other things, and it's always, you know,
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 3: always appearing when you're looking for other things. It's but
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 3: your brain's got to be able to process it, understand it,
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 3: acknowledge it, file it away, put it where it needs
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 3: to go. And I think that's where.
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 4: Well, that's where post crisis intervention is.
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 4: I mean, that's what we did after the October shooting. Yeah,
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 4: you know, it's just allowing people to talk through that
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 4: story and process it and file it. That's ultimately the
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 4: best thing that's going to happen for you.
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 3: Writer.
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 4: But I'm so sorry to hear about this. So many
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 4: people have been victims of violent crimes in our town.
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 4: There's a special insurance for people that are victims of
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 4: crime and it pays for therapy. And so if a
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 4: person in Las Vegas has been a victim of crime,
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 4: as soon as that police reports filed, they're given resources
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 4: where they can then take this thing like a debit
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 4: card to any therapist. And most of us take it
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 4: because it works the same as cash. Yeah, you know,
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 4: and so like it's a really great resource. If you
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 4: haven't already, I would just double check in your community
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 4: and see if something like that's available, because doing some
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 4: processing and maybe some support grouping would probably be really
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 4: important here for like filing this memory away. Anyway, as
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 4: we get to the end of the show, we want
• 1:30:41
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• 1:30:44
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• 1:30:56
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• 1:31:00
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• 1:31:03
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  Speaker 4: to welcome as we kick off the new year.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, time, get on it, get over there and fix that.
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, fix that.
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 4: We like to read your name during this segment, but
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  Speaker 4: and Sam Cone And before we outro Also this year,
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 4: there is another scoop Fest.
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 3: Coming down the pike.
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 4: Come It's going to be happening in May, Septembertember. I
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 4: was fucking close.
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 1: You were in the right year. I was in the
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 1: right year.
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 4: It's happening in a month, so as your as your calendar,
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 4: like May, you should start thinking about September. You can
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 4: find out more at Hey, scoopfest dot com scoop Fest doc.
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 3: How many of your forty by forty do you plan
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 3: on hitting by then? Oh, there's already a disc conversation.
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, say okay, so we could probably just plan on
• 1:33:28
  Speaker 4: doing most of this in September, and there's going to
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 4: be a task force and it's going to be forty
• 1:33:33
  Speaker 4: task force at scoop Fest that are just going to
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 4: run me through all of it, just.
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 1: Like right now. If other people do the work, I'm
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 1: not counting them.
• 1:33:42
  Speaker 3: Oh I agree.
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 2: Wait, what do you mean? We'll come back to it.
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 3: And if you would like to hear this episode, I'm
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 3: cut in, unedited.
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 2: The work and why wouldn't you and.
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 3: Enjoy our spontaneous side project code to Patreon dot com
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 3: slash therapy, and thank you for sporting mental health. That's
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 3: all fabulous.
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 6: Last, tell tell me how many degrees are in a thermometer.
• 1:34:14
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• 1:34:18
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  Speaker 3: about dot com. Or you can click the link in
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 3: the episode description to be taken to our anonymous Google form.
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 2: I'm I'm Whitney Jim.
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 3: Thanks, and we'll see you for your appointment next week.
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 5: Three hundred and sixty five shows you.
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 2: Know where mine.
• 1:34:43
  Speaker 3: I can fix all this in posts here.
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 2: I saw that you learn that password.
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 3: Today's the day.
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 2: I thought. When you said that, I'm like, I wonder what.
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 2: I don't even know how I'm gonna ask this right?
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 2: You know how like Jupiter three hundred and sixty five
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 2: days or like one trip around the Sun is like
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 2: way longer. Yeah, So I was like, if it's seven
• 1:35:06
  Speaker 2: years that you all been doing this, I'm like, and
• 1:35:08
  Speaker 2: you said three sixty five like a normal year. I'm like,
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 2: are we on Jupiter's Yeah?
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 3: I swear to god, I don't know what the fuck
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 3: I was thinking, Yeah, whatever, three sixty I was thinking
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 3: three sixty five. I don't know why. Yeah, I totally
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 3: see where your brain got lost.
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 2: Somebody just a minute or like there's or there's sixty
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 2: seconds in a minute, and they'll be like one hundred.
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 2: That's like wait, no, it's sixty.
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 4: Somebody in the discord said, we now have enough episodes
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 4: where a person could listen every day for a year.
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's cool, but why would you and why would you?
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 3: Please bye bye