Latest / A Swift Kick In The Ass: Personal Growth & Resilience Podcast / ASKITA E173 "From Trauma to Triumph: Scott Kesson's Story of Loss and Growth" (audio only)

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ASKITA E173 "From Trauma to Triumph: Scott Kesson's Story of Loss and Growth" (audio only) · A Swift Kick In The Ass: Personal Growth & Resilience Podcast

6:04
John W. Curren: Welcome to another episode of a swift kick in the ass. This is your host, John Curran, and today I have a very, very special guest with me.
6:13
John W. Curren: I'm so excited because I have one of my oldest friends here.
6:20
Scott Kesson: Literally.
6:22
John W. Curren: He is literally my oldest friend and I. He's the 1st guy that I met in college at the University of Florida.
6:31
John W. Curren: and I was thinking about it. I think it was in January of 1985, not December.
6:39
Scott Kesson: Well, yeah, what had to be? Because, I work. I was there during the fall, and I think that's when you got there was the spring term.
6:48
John W. Curren: Yeah, I got there in the spring. So Scott was the 1st guy I met on the
6:53
John W. Curren: in the dorms on my floor, and we, I guess, formed the core of
7:01
John W. Curren: our group of friends who we've had since that time.
7:06
John W. Curren: who we met all we all met all around the same time, and really brothers from another mother.
7:12
Scott Kesson: Correct.
7:13
John W. Curren: So this, this is a special interview
7:17
John W. Curren: Scott is calling me from Colorado. He is a licensed professional counselor, and he works in corrections.
7:27
John W. Curren: Now we're going to protect the innocent here. We're not going to, you know. He's not going to
7:33
John W. Curren: do therapy. This is not about therapy. This is.
7:36
Scott Kesson: Absolutely not.
7:37
John W. Curren: Is about Scott.
7:38
John W. Curren: This is not about his job. This is, although that's going to be mentioned. Because let's just face it. What you do is a profession, and that is your life right?
7:49
Scott Kesson: Correct.
7:51
John W. Curren: So.
7:52
John W. Curren: One thing I also wanted to mention
7:55
John W. Curren: while I, while I have your attention, is Scott also is the guy
8:02
John W. Curren: who I've mentioned on my on this podcast before.
8:07
John W. Curren: And he's the guy who said, John, listen, you're being a real jerk.
8:15
John W. Curren: And he's, you know, called me out and basically stopped me, he said. You're on a bad path, and you're you're becoming a real asshole. This is. You're not an asshole yet.
8:25
John W. Curren: but you're if you keep doing these things.
8:30
John W. Curren: And you don't start thinking about your actions and acting more appropriately.
8:36
John W. Curren: Yeah, you're gonna be a a chronic asshole, I guess. And
8:44
John W. Curren: I you know, that took a lot of guts to do, and that showed me what a true friend he was, and he's also part of the same group that
8:56
John W. Curren: was friends with Kim Bergalis, who
9:00
John W. Curren: is a friend of ours, that we met in college.
9:04
John W. Curren: and she died in December of 1991 from Aids. She
9:11
John W. Curren: was, it was determined, I believe, in court, that she was purposely infected of aids by her dentist. Correct.
9:22
John W. Curren: I'm mentioning some of this like going back to 1985, because
9:27
John W. Curren: Scott has a very, very interesting story. Now we talk a lot about positive change on this podcast and Scott lives on his terms. He has been
9:40
John W. Curren: received. Lots of kicks in the ass.
9:45
John W. Curren: And what I mean by that is that
9:47
John W. Curren: he's gone through some things that
9:50
John W. Curren: you just don't want to go. You don't want to go through.
9:53
John W. Curren: So the 1st thing, and I guess I'll just start it out by saying that Scott lost his parents at a very, very young age.
10:02
John W. Curren: You lost your mother first, st and then then your father. But
10:08
John W. Curren: let's just start. Tell me a little bit about about that.
10:11
Scott Kesson: Okay? Well, well, I think that's really, you know, I look at kicks in the ass as challenges, you know, and that was probably one of my biggest challenges was when I was 12. My mom passed away from cancer. Within that year my father remarried to
10:29
Scott Kesson: my mom. Now you will distinguish my birth, mother, from the mother who I lost, and my mom. Now, who's my current mother? He remarried. Within a year of my birth, mother passing, and then, probably a year after they married, he passed away from a heart attack.
10:46
Scott Kesson: And not only was that challenging enough, but at the time of my father's passing. I was 14. I think I was put in a position where not willingly, where I had to make funeral arrangements for my father, which was very traumatic in itself, and I think
11:06
Scott Kesson: when it comes to anything that I go through in the future from that
11:12
Scott Kesson: and it's challenging. I always look upon that experience. As you know. I got through that, you know. I managed to get through it. I did what I needed to do, and got through it. So whenever I come across a situation where I'm challenged or anxious about I always look at that incident and realize, oh, I got through that I can get through this. This is nothing compared to that. So I really use that as my baseline, of of pushing my pushing myself
11:42
Scott Kesson: to get through a difficult decision or situation.
11:46
John W. Curren: Yeah, so.
11:47
Scott Kesson: So.
11:47
John W. Curren: One thing I did mention, and I wanted to, because
11:52
John W. Curren: I think it is pertinent. It is one of the other swift, swift kicks in the ass that you've received is that you grew up in a very rich family down in South Florida.
12:05
John W. Curren: and went to school in limousines.
12:09
Scott Kesson: Coming on.
12:09
John W. Curren: You know, and you know the the show had a chauffeur right. He would take you to school, and
12:18
John W. Curren: all of a sudden, at 14.
12:21
John W. Curren: You are now having to make decisions about
12:25
John W. Curren: your father's funeral. After just losing your mother.
12:30
Scott Kesson: Hmm.
12:30
John W. Curren: And also also dealing with a new, a new mother.
12:37
Scott Kesson: Well, a new family all in itself. Actually, it was that my mom, you know, had
12:42
Scott Kesson: adopted my brother and I while my father was alive, and then he passed. So we we were like, basically
12:50
Scott Kesson: our whole family changed. I mean what the family I knew before my birth. Mother passed away to the family I received when my father passed away, and my mom took care of my brother and I are completely different family. So my whole environment changed within a 2 year period, drastically.
13:09
John W. Curren: Yeah, I can't even imagine.
13:13
John W. Curren: I really cannot even imagine what that was like.
13:16
Scott Kesson: You know, and the whole chauffeur limousine thing. That time period really lasted only like a year. It was never something that I grew up with, or that was lasting past my father passing away. Because.
13:30
Scott Kesson: may I mean we we could go into a lot of different things. But to make a long story short, is my father
13:36
Scott Kesson: lost a lot of his money due to a bad business deal, and when he passed away we were in major debt, and not only did my mom have to take care of my brother and I, but she had just given birth to my youngest sister, and she came into my the marriage with my dad with her own daughter. So with 4 kids she was dealing with.
14:01
Scott Kesson: let alone having a lot of debt and having to take care of these 4 kids all by herself, you know. So it was a very stressful situation.
14:11
Scott Kesson: to say the least.
14:14
John W. Curren: Yeah, I just I just to make
14:19
John W. Curren: this has my head spinning really about it, as I think about it at 14 to have that load.
14:26
John W. Curren: you know, thrown on you, and so
14:29
John W. Curren: did you know you were gay at that time?
14:32
Scott Kesson: Well, you really dive right into it.
14:36
Scott Kesson: Well again, being gay, was and again I can only speak from my experience. I'm not going to generalize it to what everyone is. You know, everyone's experiences is different. But I've again I I look back. I was gay from the moment I was born, you know, I mean, I remember.
14:56
John W. Curren: He didn't choose this way.
14:57
Scott Kesson: Know, at 5 or 6. I wasn't like, you know, like having sexual fantasies about other guys. But I had a a closeness that I would feel with
15:09
Scott Kesson: boys and I did any. You know, girls and stuff. It was just this closeness I couldn't label it. It wasn't sexual at all. Being gay is not necessarily well, it's definitely not just a sexual thing. It's a it's a whole being. And again, I can only speak for me.
15:28
Scott Kesson: Now that I look back. You know I was born gay and been that way for the very longest time, and really didn't come out until college
15:40
John W. Curren: Yep.
15:40
Scott Kesson: When they came out there were no role models out there on how to come out, what to do, what not to do. So I really, actually, honestly in my head didn't even label myself as homosexual. I just knew that I liked guys, but I never attributed the term to being homosexual out, homosexual because it was such a
16:04
John W. Curren: There was a stigma attached.
16:05
Scott Kesson: Yeah, it was very much a stigma back then. So I I didn't even internally or intellectually,
16:13
Scott Kesson: label myself that way.
16:16
John W. Curren: So in college, you know, after after my
16:20
John W. Curren: actually the 1st person that ever came out to me. In fact, I think
16:26
John W. Curren: you've been the only person that has ever come out
16:30
John W. Curren: come out to me, and I remember when you when you did.
16:34
John W. Curren: you know you sat me down and you told me, and really thought that you were kidding me.
16:39
John W. Curren: I really thought that you were just like, because, you know, I came from a very homophobic
16:46
John W. Curren: family. My father was extremely homophobic, and
16:51
John W. Curren: I just thought you're pulling my leg. You know you're trying to open my eyes and
16:55
John W. Curren: realized that I was being a homophobe as well, because
17:01
John W. Curren: you weren't hitting on me, or anything like that.
17:03
Scott Kesson: Well, definitely. You're not my type, John.
17:08
John W. Curren: That you said that so? And Scott.
17:11
Scott Kesson: And they'll be, let me add to that is, that is, that not only was, you know we're
17:17
Scott Kesson: you heterosexual that I came out to, but all our friends were heterosexual. I had no no friends that were gay that I could even talk to, and my own family. They were not they were. They were not not supportive, but they weren't very supportive. I mean, I remember my mom when I came out to her writing me a letter, you know, explaining, hey? There's some place we could send you if you wanted to change where you could be heterosexual, and at that point.
17:47
John W. Curren: When you did that.
17:49
Scott Kesson: What?
17:49
John W. Curren: Did you do that for your mom? That letter to your mom was that back in college.
17:54
Scott Kesson: Well, this was a letter that she sent me when I came out. I had gone down there
18:01
Scott Kesson: and actually, with one of our friends. I went down there, and I went, came out to her and my whole family, and when I returned back to college I got a letter from her stating, look if there's if you you know if you want to, there's a place we can send you where you could change blah blah! And I remember, and at that point I had become pretty secure with myself.
18:25
Scott Kesson: And I wrote her back, stating, Well, is there a place that you can go to change.
18:30
Scott Kesson: you know. I mean it doesn't work like that, you know you are who you are. So again I I didn't get. I wasn't shunned from my family, but I certainly wasn't supported in that. I was not. I was not accepted like you would think nowadays, you know. Really, the only way I got
18:54
Scott Kesson: through through the whole coming out and accepting myself and being good and feeling actually really comfortable with myself, was through our group of friends which Cowinky Dink, we're all heterosexual.
19:07
Scott Kesson: you know. They knew me well enough to accept me for who I am, and actually push me to get to meet other
19:15
Scott Kesson: gay people. And in college again, you know, though it was not accepted, there were enough avenues and outlets for me to go to where I could actually meet people. And I befriended some people, and I, you know, went to some bars where I could feel comfortable and meet other people, and it got to where I was truly accepting of myself.
19:39
Scott Kesson: Again. It was through our group of
19:43
Scott Kesson: can winky dink, all heterosexuals, you know, which is very unusual.
19:46
John W. Curren: Knew where to go right.
19:49
Scott Kesson: We knew where to go.
19:52
Scott Kesson: No.
19:52
Scott Kesson: you didn't know where to go, but you pushed me to look through. You guys certainly didn't know where to go. But again, you know, there were enough
20:00
Scott Kesson: on our college campus. There were enough
20:03
Scott Kesson: places where I, if I wanted to, I could seek to go to which I did, you know which only then allowed me to feel more comfortable with myself and in my own skin.
20:16
John W. Curren: So are you doing that now in Colorado? Because that you're starting all over right? I mean, you've only been in Colorado a couple of years now.
20:24
Scott Kesson: Well, I was in Colorado in the early nineties. I was here for a year, and at that time, when I came out here, I joined a support group and a support group where you could meet other gay people, and I really got to meet some really cool people and really became good friends with them. One of them, actually, you know, killed himself later on. But now.
20:48
John W. Curren: Good of a friend.
20:49
Scott Kesson: You know, there's not really any support groups out here, because.
20:53
Scott Kesson: you know, I mean being gay is really not a big deal anymore. So there's really no support groups for it, because it just is, you know. I mean, they're probably social groups. I could join
21:04
John W. Curren: Hmm.
21:05
Scott Kesson: But have I done that yet? No, you know just kind of just been in my, you know, one of the things about.
21:11
John W. Curren: To it.
21:11
Scott Kesson: I'm a very independent person, and I kinda do things on my own when I want. I don't necessarily need to be part of a social group and need to go out meet people, though
21:23
Scott Kesson: it probably would be beneficial for me to do that. I don't necessarily need to do that. I mean, I'm going to be 60 next year. So when it comes to putting that kind of energy into something like that, I already have a group of friends that I care about. None of them are gay. Well, no, actually, that's not true. I do have one very good, gay friend that lives in North Carolina that I still keep in contract with, and he comes out here and we go out. But that's really.
21:50
John W. Curren: I'm still holding up.
21:52
John W. Curren: Lucky.
21:53
John W. Curren: I still think I'm holding out hopes for Frankie.
21:58
John W. Curren: He hasn't been.
21:59
Scott Kesson: Why, you would even mention that.
22:01
John W. Curren: Hasn't been late in a while.
22:03
Scott Kesson: Yeah, but he's certainly not.
22:04
John W. Curren: Have a better chance.
22:06
John W. Curren: I'm just. I'm just kidding, you know what. So.
22:10
John W. Curren: as I, as I mentioned at the beginning of the show, Scott and I are long, long time friends. We have a group of friends that
22:19
John W. Curren: you know we've known for 40 years over 40 years now, and
22:24
John W. Curren: I told each and every one of them, we would probably be dropping some names during the podcast. And saying things about them
22:32
John W. Curren: and the only way. They're going to know what we say is, if they listen to this podcast.
22:37
Scott Kesson: True.
22:38
John W. Curren: Right. So
22:40
John W. Curren: it's all really in jest, and I'm sorry. You know suicide is not a joke. It's a very serious thing, and if you're thinking about suicide. You need to get professional help or seek professional help
22:54
John W. Curren: just immediately.
22:57
John W. Curren: Don't take your life.
22:58
John W. Curren: That just. And I think.
23:01
Scott Kesson: Also the suicide hotline number is 2, 1 1. So if you, if you or anyone know anyone that is contemplating hurting themselves, that's the best way to start, and the best thing is also to let someone know you know. Talk about it.
23:16
Scott Kesson: and don't.
23:16
Scott Kesson: Don't be afraid to ask someone, either. You know you're not going to put that idea in someone's head. So if you feel like someone's contemplating it, ask him about it.
23:27
John W. Curren: Sounds good good advice.
23:29
John W. Curren: and from a professional not me. Who has. No, you know I am not a mental health, professional as.
23:37
Scott Kesson: One.
23:37
John W. Curren: My listeners know this is just entertainment for me or from me.
23:44
John W. Curren: Let's go back, though, because
23:47
John W. Curren: so you went to Colorado, you said in 1990. But so Kim died in 1991.
23:53
Scott Kesson: Right and.
23:54
John W. Curren: You know, prior to prior to Aids.
24:00
John W. Curren: there was really, I mean, there was a sexual revolution back in the seventies where there was free love. And you know, people didn't worry about sexually transmitted diseases back then, because everything was curable.
24:14
John W. Curren: right? So it was like a free for all back back then, and quite honestly.
24:21
John W. Curren: when you're growing up. And you're you're trying to develop your own sexuality that scared the hell out of me
24:29
John W. Curren: like.
24:30
John W. Curren: But the concept of orgies and swinging like I mean.
24:37
John W. Curren: that just blew my mind as a kid, you know, it really did scare me, and
24:44
John W. Curren: it was almost like when aids hit. I was like, Oh, my gosh! I kind of almost, I hate to say, felt relieved. I could take. I need to take a step back. It was okay
24:52
John W. Curren: not to be sexually active, because I was still, you know, still learning.
24:59
John W. Curren: I mean. But I guess you know in college I mean, I had had sex back in high school, so.
25:06
John W. Curren: but
25:08
John W. Curren: you know I had had not had that had it much back in college. I had a big dry spell after
25:15
John W. Curren: after high school. But but anyhow, you know, life. What I'm trying to get at is
25:20
John W. Curren: the way we all viewed sex was very.
25:23
John W. Curren: very different. And I'll also say, too, that the sexual revolution was focused on straight sex. Right? It really.
25:33
John W. Curren: you know, gay sex was.
25:36
John W. Curren: Now I talked about kind of just enclosed private groups, I guess.
25:43
Scott Kesson: Well, I think in the seventies. Yeah. But then I think in the eighties you know. It it, you know. Again, homosexuality was a psychiatric disorder at one time. And they took that out of the diagnostic to Statistical Manual, which is a Dsm. Which is our like Bible when it comes to mental health. They took that out and I think it made
26:10
Scott Kesson: homosexuals
26:12
Scott Kesson: normal normal. I guess I should say, you know. So I think more people were coming to terms with their sexuality, feeling comfortable. And I think
26:24
Scott Kesson: that's when people start feeling comfortable having sex with other
26:28
Scott Kesson: other men. And at that time that's when HIV started to come around, you know. It was the gay cancer if I remember you know. And at that time
26:41
Scott Kesson: when I was in college and coming out, you know, sex wasn't even a thing. I wasn't even, you know, I had not engaged in any sex up until college. You know nothing in high school, you know, even the 1st 1st couple years of college not not, in fact, my 1st sexual experience was probably my junior year of college.
27:01
Scott Kesson: you know. So, and that time that's when HIV started coming out. And it made me had have a lot of trepidation about engaging in sex, and who I had sex with. So you know, for someone coming out and just starting to experience. You know, sex. It was such a
27:23
Scott Kesson: pill to swallow. To be able to, you know, have to remember, you know, all this stuff going on with HIV. So it was a really tough time, you know, and of course that's when we met our friend Kim, who had gotten HIV infected from her dentist purposes, you know and then we realized that you could contract HIV, not just through sex, but just in, you know, exchanging of blood.
27:50
Scott Kesson: So it really was a very profound time.
27:55
Scott Kesson: For all that stuff to be happening, but also trying to come to terms with, you know, trying to not only find yourself, but also be sexually active, you know.
28:07
Scott Kesson: So yeah, it was a. It was a very, very interesting and interesting time, and and not a lot of people can actually relate to that nowadays, because things are so different now, though, I mean with the current climate, you know, we seem to be taking some steps backward. But that's a whole different subject.
28:27
Scott Kesson: Yeah.
28:29
John W. Curren: I agree with you. And and it's okay to talk about that on the show. Because
28:35
John W. Curren: this is, you know, we talk about the terms of our life, and
28:39
John W. Curren: that is one of the terms that I think we all face sexual. Our own sexuality
28:44
John W. Curren: is. And yeah, it does seem like they're trying to roll us back culturally to a time where.
28:54
Scott Kesson: If you look throughout history, I think we ebb and flow when it comes to
29:01
Scott Kesson: certain things. I mean, you know, we've become very conservative, and then very liberal, very conservative, very liberal, and, I think renting a very conservative part of our history. So I'm hoping I can
29:14
Scott Kesson: kind of stick through it, and, you know, come out the other side, you know, on the liberal part, you know. But I mean again, I'm certainly not going into any closet anytime soon, so I am who I am. It's just. I'm just hoping that my rights!
29:32
Scott Kesson: Don't change and go back as far as
29:36
Scott Kesson: the ability of getting married. The ability of of being able to, you know. Talk about being a gay, read about gay stuff, see? Gay people.
29:45
John W. Curren: Being at your partner's bedside. If they're in the hospital, or maybe they're sick and they're dying. I mean.
29:53
John W. Curren: I've known I lived in Atlanta for 15 years, and I met a lot of gay couples. And it just, you know, I really.
30:02
John W. Curren: I really developed a lot of respect
30:05
John W. Curren: for gay couples, because society is so looking down on, you know, mixed couples.
30:14
John W. Curren: gay couples, or any anybody. But you know, if, unless you're straight and white well, I mean frowned upon.
30:22
Scott Kesson: Also, I think this is a good time to bring up the fact that in the early nineties again I was completely comfortable with myself, you know. Never, you know, if I was gay, and I never introduced myself that way, but I certainly never hit it. At the time I was working in with children in foster care.
30:45
Scott Kesson: And I then got involved, and I've always wanted to be a parent. So I then made the choice of becoming a foster parent, and at that time again I was single, always been single, and I was a single gay man, and decided to be a foster parent on my own, if I had not been working in foster care, and that the Foster care agencies
31:13
Scott Kesson: knew me as a person, I don't know if I would have ever been able to be a licensed foster parent, actually be a foster parent for children. But, Dink, I was able to do that because they knew who I was, they knew me as a person. They knew me as a professional, so they were. They were very okay with me, being a foster parent to kids, and I actually was a foster parent to
31:38
Scott Kesson: got throughout my 3 or 4 years doing it, probably 4 children. I had a sibling group of 3, and then one
31:47
Scott Kesson: who was an individual by himself, and up until this day, and they're all adults now, and one of them has their own kids
31:56
Scott Kesson: right now, very, very close with them. In fact, when I mentioned family there, there's they're very much a part of my family so very much in touch with them. Now you know them. And they're very much in their kids are very close to me. They call me, Uncle Scooty, you know. That's how I've known, and that's the way they've always known me so again.
32:21
Scott Kesson: you know back then, that if it if it had not been for me working with foster children and in the foster care environment, I don't know if I would have actually been able to do that. I want to kind of refocus on challenges. That was a very challenging time in my life, because I was single again, always single. So when I say.
32:43
John W. Curren: Single. We're gonna get to that.
32:44
Scott Kesson: I wasn't, but I did that all on my own. I had the support of my friends and my family and
32:53
Scott Kesson: I had a lot of concerns whether I could do that on my own. But one of the things I always look back on like I said in the very beginning was, if I could deal with what I dealt with as a child, you know the death of my parents and all that, why can't I do this? Why can't I, you know, push through the anxiety and grow as a person, and not only grow as a person for me, but help an individual. Individuals, you know, become their own person.
33:22
Scott Kesson: So that's really what pushed me to become a foster parent was, you know, facing what made me very anxious and uncomfortable and growing from it.
33:32
Scott Kesson: you know. I I look at challenges like that, you know, challenges cause anxiety. Everyone deals with anxiety, and and it's how you perceive it, and how you, you can either
33:46
Scott Kesson: coexist with anxiety and just deal so day by day, basis.
33:50
John W. Curren: Anxiety is fear of the future.
33:53
Scott Kesson: Is, what.
33:54
John W. Curren: Fear of the future.
33:56
Scott Kesson: Anxiety is just fear. Period, you know, uncomfortableness, you know, with what's unknown. Not necessarily the future. It could be any current situation, but you know you can either coexist with anxiety. You can let it deter you in ways where you avoid it. Avoid certain situations that cause it, or you could face it head on and grow from it.
34:20
Scott Kesson: You know anxiety is a natural part of life, and it's what you do with it that really matters.
34:26
Scott Kesson: So at that time, at that juncture in my life. I chose to face it head on.
34:32
Scott Kesson: become a licensed foster parent, and actually fostered probably the Max, for not all at one time. Not that crazy. But I, Max, I fostered a max of 4 children all together, all at, you know, at any given point. So
34:49
Scott Kesson: you know. And again, anxiety is when I've I've made decisions in my life that were very anxiety provoking. But I pushed myself because I knew if I didn't do it I'd regret it, and every time I faced it head on I always grew from it and became a better person, and more comfortable in my skin.
35:13
John W. Curren: I'm really glad to hear you say that, Scott.
35:16
John W. Curren: because now I'm going to hold that you to that.
35:20
John W. Curren: and I'm going to put a challenge out there.
35:24
John W. Curren: You need to get laid.
35:27
Scott Kesson: Well, that's not. It's not like I.
35:30
John W. Curren: Is that a choice.
35:30
Scott Kesson: But yeah, but
35:31
Scott Kesson: thing getting late is not. It's not getting late, because I'm anxious about it. It's just not necessarily my priority.
35:40
John W. Curren: Well, that's what I was going to say is so, is you not? I know that you're not in a relationship.
35:45
Scott Kesson: Right.
35:45
John W. Curren: And that you haven't been actually been a long time.
35:49
Scott Kesson: Well, ever.
35:52
John W. Curren: So is that a choice that you're making.
35:55
Scott Kesson: Yes, yes, it's a choice I've made, because
36:00
Scott Kesson: again, independence for me is a double edged sword. I'm independent and could do things on my own.
36:07
Scott Kesson: but the double edge is, I'm independent, and I can do things on my own.
36:12
Scott Kesson: So I've never had a need to have a partner. Now
36:18
Scott Kesson: again. One of the things I look at is I've never had one, so I don't know what I'm missing, so I don't long for that, because I've never had that before.
36:27
Scott Kesson: But again, you know, it's it's certainly, you know.
36:31
Scott Kesson: Is it ideal to be, you know, living life and being alone for most of life again. I don't see myself alone. I have my group of friends who I never feel alone. I have my work. I'm very social. I'm not an introvert like that. But when it comes to
36:49
Scott Kesson: being intimate with someone and and having a partner.
36:54
Scott Kesson: I think a lot of the reasons why I don't is because I'm
36:58
Scott Kesson: had so many losses in my life that I have this
37:02
Scott Kesson: this fear of being abandoned by any by people.
37:06
Scott Kesson: so I protect myself by not ever letting down that wall enough. I've had people who've wanted to have a relationship with me, and I've
37:15
Scott Kesson: come up with reasons why not to or whatever and I'm very conscious of this. But I have this wall that I've always had up, and I've never allowed myself for it to come down to
37:32
Scott Kesson: allow someone in to to
37:36
Scott Kesson: let that that wall down, you know, and that is a conscious choice. You know. And honestly, I'm okay with that. I'm okay. With that I'm at a point, and I'm at an age where maybe 2530 years ago that would have been something I should deal with and come to terms with. But the only hindrance I've ever received from it was, I've never had a partner, someone to share my life with.
38:05
Scott Kesson: and I've shared it with friends and family and
38:09
Scott Kesson: coworkers. And I'm okay with that, you know. I'm very content.
38:14
Scott Kesson: you know. And I'm good with that I've never been one of these people that you know, though I I'm I'm there's many times I'm alone. I'm not alone. I think I think loneliness is again perception.
38:31
John W. Curren: Prefer to be alone. You prefer to be by yourself, don't you.
38:34
Scott Kesson: I prefer to be by myself absolutely. You know I I've again. It's something I'm very used to. I'm very comfortable with. I travel by myself. I go to restaurants by myself. I do a lot of stuff by myself, and I'm again. I'm very, very okay with that. In fact, I prefer that. I prefer to do stuff like that.
38:54
John W. Curren: Do you meet people and you're out, or are you just to yourself?
38:58
Scott Kesson: I mean, you know.
39:01
Scott Kesson: I probably stay to myself. I'm not one to go out and start meeting people and saying, Hey, how are you doing? I'm not like that.
39:09
Scott Kesson: but I again don't mind going out by myself, and and not concerned about how I'm perceived by other people
39:18
Scott Kesson: about being by myself. And I again, I think nowadays I think the current climate, I think more people do that, and more people are comfortable doing that. I don't think people judge you for being alone like that as they did maybe 20 or 30 years ago.
39:37
John W. Curren: Yeah, no, I'm I'm I'm with you. No, I, mean, whether you're, straight or you're, gay, I think.
39:42
Scott Kesson: Yeah, that's.
39:43
John W. Curren: I think that
39:45
Scott Kesson: Straight or gay. I think it's just.
39:46
John W. Curren: People who view sexuality different than they did back
39:51
John W. Curren: when we were, you know, back when it was forming for us.
39:56
John W. Curren: I mean, you know if you listen to like, listen to the eighties like hair metal music, I mean, look at, listen to a lot of the music that we listen to
40:06
John W. Curren: back. During that time it was all about sex.
40:11
Scott Kesson: Well, I mean, actually, if you look at all the music now, it's all about sex. It's just it's it's just different, you know.
40:19
John W. Curren: Maybe they're not having.
40:20
Scott Kesson: Major part of entertainment. Music, everything.
40:24
Scott Kesson: Yeah.
40:25
Scott Kesson: Now.
40:25
John W. Curren: So. I do want to point out. And I know that we've talked about you being gay
40:32
John W. Curren: a lot on this episode. But what really I really appreciated when we met prior to.
40:40
John W. Curren: you know, this episode went like a pre-meeting you talked about how you're more than just gay.
40:47
John W. Curren: you know you're being gay is just a part of who you are, and
40:52
John W. Curren: it really makes me think about how
40:55
John W. Curren: that's so true. You know, it's like I'm straight, and I don't like people.
41:02
Scott Kesson: That's not how you define yourself.
41:04
John W. Curren: It's not how I define myself and
41:07
John W. Curren: I'm sure people see me that way.
41:11
John W. Curren: cause I don't think I give off a game. But Gaydar, or anything like that
41:15
John W. Curren: I don't know. That's maybe a different subject we could talk about.
41:20
John W. Curren: When I did have my corvette. I was like propositioned a lot
41:26
John W. Curren: which I never took, you know it's like kind of pissed me off honestly. But but I was flattered
41:32
John W. Curren: I was flattered, but when they kept on like insisting I was like, No.
41:39
John W. Curren: you know, and that to me is just you being a jerk.
41:42
John W. Curren: you know I'm flattered if you ask, but when I say No.
41:47
John W. Curren: you know I'm not asking you to hit on me harder, but but then that again teaches me about being single, and when I was single. I would always, you know, put that pressure on women that I was.
42:01
John W. Curren: you know, sexually attracted to.
42:06
John W. Curren: That's the way it was.
42:09
Scott Kesson: Well, I mean, I think we touched upon it earlier is like, you know, not defining yourself by your sexuality, but that you're you're amalgam of many different things.
42:22
John W. Curren: Of you.
42:23
Scott Kesson: Well, yeah, it's part of it. But even a bigger part of me, I think, is more like you had mentioned. The beginning is my profession is my, the mental health profession. I've been in the mental health field
42:33
Scott Kesson: 35 years, and I'm going to be 60 next year, you know, and that's I. I've never been in any other field other than mental health and
42:41
Scott Kesson: I can only speak for me, but I truly love what I do I? You know, in the beginning I worked with patients who had a serious mental illness, like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. I then started working with children in foster care, and did that for several years. I actually ran an organization where I would match foster care children with mentors. That's kind of how I became a foster parent was because I saw such a need.
43:09
John W. Curren: Yeah.
43:09
Scott Kesson: And then started working corrections. And I've been in corrections, probably for 23 years, you know, and not only just working in corrections, but with, while I've been in corrections, there was a time when I moved to Maryland and was working for an organization where I was
43:27
Scott Kesson: the director of quality assurance and an operations manager where I was traveling all throughout the country to different jails and supervising
43:38
Scott Kesson: the mental health professionals in those jails starting mental health services in those jails. And and that's something. And again, I always go back to making decisions that challenge you. You know, I was asked to do something like that, and I I never thought I would be able to do something I was like. I am not a people person like that where I can go out, and you know.
44:00
Scott Kesson: supervise, and have to talk in front of crowds, and, you know, do all that kind of stuff. But I pushed myself and challenged myself to do that to see if I could, and only did it. But I did a pretty good job. I did that for about 4 years, where, you know, I was a director and administrator for a national organization. But then I also realized that my true calling
44:25
Scott Kesson: was working with patients, you know, as an administrator. I was doing a lot of administrative duties, and I enjoyed it, and I was fulfilled by it, and I realized I could do it. But was that really what I wanted to do? No. So I decided to
44:43
Scott Kesson: go back to Florida and work in corrections where I was working, one on one with patients. And have done that ever since. When I moved out to Colorado, which was a very anxiety, provoking decision. I was offered a position as a
45:03
Scott Kesson: supervisor, and I did that for a month or 2, but decided I didn't want to do that, because that's not who I am. I can do it. But I didn't want to do that. So been working with patients ever since, and I love it. I mean to this day. Not a lot of people can say that they're doing something they enjoy for so many decades. But I truly enjoy.
45:26
Scott Kesson: you know, working one on one with people. And the bigger thing is just. I'm a good listener.
45:32
Scott Kesson: you know, and listening is very active skill that not a lot of people have. Listening doesn't require you listening. And then you.
45:41
Scott Kesson: you know, telling them what your point of view is listening is really listening to what a person saying and feeling, and that's a very active skill that you have to really throw yourself into. So that's 1 of the things I think I really excel in is that skill, and and to this day, and hopefully to the day
46:01
Scott Kesson: well, I don't like to say the word retire because I can't see myself doing that anytime soon, but doing working in corrections up until the day. I'm not able to do it anymore.
46:11
John W. Curren: So is that how you want to fill your life, just working all your life.
46:16
Scott Kesson: Well again. I don't see it as working like, you know. 9 to 5 grinding. I enjoy going to work. I don't mind it at all. I can't see myself not doing that because I just being sedentary, I just would not necessarily be the best thing for me. I'm not a sedentary person. I have to keep doing something. I really enjoy it. So why not keep doing something you enjoy? You know. If it was a hobby that you enjoyed. You keep doing.
46:44
Scott Kesson: you know, and this is something I really enjoy.
46:47
John W. Curren: So you made a
46:50
John W. Curren: You corrected me earlier, you know, when we met about the differences between a profession and and a career.
46:59
John W. Curren: And so you have the, you know, you're a mental health professional.
47:03
John W. Curren: But you have a career. You know your your career is your job.
47:07
John W. Curren: basically. And you have a calling generally when you have a profession which is a profession of
47:13
John W. Curren: how you want to live your life really, and what you just explained is living on your terms. You made specific choices
47:24
John W. Curren: about your life, and how you want to live. Your life.
47:29
John W. Curren: that has, I know, has had a financial consequence, because
47:35
John W. Curren: you had a super, you know, a supervisor's job paying more money.
47:41
John W. Curren: But then you're not happy doing that.
47:44
John W. Curren: So.
47:45
Scott Kesson: So.
47:45
John W. Curren: You're willing to take the steps to take a step back.
47:49
John W. Curren: I you know.
47:52
John W. Curren: I think that's that's a different way of looking at life. You know you can live. You can try to keep
47:59
John W. Curren: growing your income and keep moving up that ladder. I mean, I know I faced that same career
48:05
John W. Curren: kind of question. The same questions should I do that? But my choice is no, I really want to stay where I am. I really like what I do. I'm very comfortable in it. I'm still growing.
48:18
John W. Curren: but I make enough money to where.
48:22
John W. Curren: you know I don't want to
48:24
John W. Curren: cause myself additional anxiety like you said, and pushing myself into a new.
48:30
Scott Kesson: Wow!
48:32
John W. Curren: It's just not worth the extra money.
48:35
Scott Kesson: And I don't get enjoyment out of it. I mean, you know, I could be a supervisor. Make more money, but making money more money isn't necessarily what I want. I at this stage of my life I want to be able to enjoy what I'm doing. You know I've been there and done that.
48:50
Scott Kesson: making money and taking positions, you know, not necessarily never been just just financial, because I'm not that kind of person, but I benefited from it financially by making those decisions. But now I'm really at a point where
49:06
Scott Kesson: I really wouldn't enjoy what I'm doing and and don't get me wrong. It's not like, I'm just scraping by. I've been in the profession long enough where I'm doing. Okay? And I'm okay. I'm financially doing okay. But of course.
49:22
John W. Curren: I know that was you. You have made some huge, huge
49:27
John W. Curren: decisions when you were in Florida.
49:30
John W. Curren: I really did not like visiting you because you lived in.
49:36
John W. Curren: I hate to say it, but the Ghetto.
49:39
Scott Kesson: There were gunshots.
49:41
Scott Kesson: Okay. There was a.
49:42
John W. Curren: We ran.
49:43
Scott Kesson: Living in that.
49:44
John W. Curren: Ran from your car like down low. You duck down low and and.
49:50
Scott Kesson: It's not. Let's not like. Let's not exaggerate, but.
49:53
John W. Curren: Machine guns gang, you know.
49:55
Scott Kesson: Okay. Listen.
49:56
John W. Curren: The gang sign to get into the parking lot. I'm just.
49:58
Scott Kesson: So I did live in a situation where, if again, 20 years ago, I would never have thought I would be living in that situation, but I chose to live in a place that was not expensive, so that way I could save enough money to get something nice, right? So 4 years I really.
50:18
John W. Curren: Lived in a really complex where it was.
50:22
Scott Kesson: Not a good situation.
50:25
John W. Curren: I'm making fun of you.
50:26
Scott Kesson: I know, but it was a big sacrifice. I mean, it was really it was like you said in a really bad part of town.
50:34
John W. Curren: Think I stayed there one night when everyone was gathered to go on the cruise. But
50:40
John W. Curren: I mean I'm so I was so relieved when you got out of there, but you're willing to make that sacrifice to get to a better place.
50:50
Scott Kesson: Yes.
50:50
John W. Curren: And and that did serve you extremely. You know extremely well.
50:56
Scott Kesson: Oh, absolutely. I mean, I moved into a condo. That was
50:59
Scott Kesson: amazing. I mean, it was really one of these.
51:02
Scott Kesson: a coinky dink that I happened to come across it when I was looking.
51:06
Scott Kesson: and it was right before Covid. That I got it, which was surprising, because I mean the deal almost fell through. If it'd been a month or 2 later. I don't know if I would have gotten it, because everything shut down so it came at a time, right before Covid, that I got the condo and was there for 3 years until I moved to Colorado back to Colorado.
51:28
Scott Kesson: you know which let's kind of talk about that. I mean that
51:33
Scott Kesson: to move, I mean, I've never wanted to stay in Florida. That was never what I mean. I only went to Florida because my family's there, you know, but I hated living in Florida. I hated the no seasons. I hated sweating. It was maybe cold. One day a year. It was just, and I I don't like sweating and Florida, that's all you do is sweat. So I knew that
51:56
Scott Kesson: as I was getting older. I needed to figure where I was going to live and to lay my head at some point permanently, and I needed to make a move then, and it happened that one of our friends moved back to Colorado, who was there in the early nineties when I moved there, to begin with, and I said, You know what I loved it out there. I think I'm going to go out there. So I moved out there with no job.
52:20
Scott Kesson: sold my condo went out there and didn't know what I was gonna do
52:27
Scott Kesson: And
52:28
Scott Kesson: moved and and moved out by myself. My entire life, my entire everything in a U-haul and drove across the country by myself, and
52:41
Scott Kesson: made a home out here and end up getting a job
52:44
Scott Kesson: in corrections. Believe it or not, and and doing very well right now, and you know present day and love my job, you know, and get along with the the deputies and my coworkers and really enjoy it. So it really, it really worked itself out and really worked out really well for my on my behalf.
53:07
John W. Curren: So how anxiety ridden were you when you're driving that U-haul truck
53:12
John W. Curren: full with everything that you own.
53:15
John W. Curren: and you're driving across the country.
53:17
Scott Kesson: Well for me.
53:18
John W. Curren: Right.
53:19
Scott Kesson: What?
53:20
John W. Curren: You are by yourself as well, too right.
53:22
Scott Kesson: And that was a choice my sister had. This had asked if she could come with me, and I really made a choice to do it by myself, because I as I'm driving.
53:32
Scott Kesson: you know, I stopped in Gainesville, where we graduated University of Florida. I stopped there for a couple of days. Then I, you know, went up to my sisters, so as I was going across the country, I kind of price processed my my journey, so that when I got here and again, I mean, I didn't come here and was like Gung ho! I mean, I had a rough transition period, a really rough one, probably one of the rough roughest ones I've had in my entire life. But
54:01
Scott Kesson: I work through it. I I went back to look if I could do what I've done.
54:08
Scott Kesson: I can get through this, you know. I will find something. I will be okay, you know. I will make it, and I work through those issues. I work through my insecurities
54:22
Scott Kesson: and end up getting a really good job. And and you know again, I don't know if I could do something like that now, or I don't know if I would. Because I'm also at an age where I don't want to put myself through that kind of stress, and that was probably one of the most stressful periods of my life is making that kind of decision and actually following through. I'm glad I did it, but it was a very anxiety, provoking, stressful situation, you know.
54:47
John W. Curren: So I don't see you making decisions and then going back on them later.
54:54
Scott Kesson: No, I've always I've never, never gone back on it. The only thing I mean I don't even know. It was going back when I left Maryland decided to come back to Florida. It was because I didn't want to do
55:06
Scott Kesson: administrative work. I really wanted to.
55:09
Scott Kesson: you know, do what I did, for the very beginning is work with patients. So I don't see that as going backwards, you see, as becoming more focused and realizing what I didn't want to do.
55:19
Scott Kesson: you know, so I've never, ever gone backwards. I've never, you know, like Oh, it's not working here in Colorado. Let me go back to Florida.
55:28
Scott Kesson: I did that when I 1st went to Colorado in the early nineties I came back to Florida because it wasn't working out Colorado financially, so I decided to come back, and I was with my parents for a while, and stayed at the house for a while, and that probably is the time when I went backwards because I had to start over. But again, what came out of that was I worked in mental health with kids, and that allowed me a whole different type of confidence I didn't have before.
55:58
Scott Kesson: you know. So again I I took a situation that could have grounded me and hindered me, and I really learned from it and push myself, you know, and really grew from it.
56:12
Scott Kesson: you know. But that probably was the only time I've ever really gone backwards per se, you know.
56:20
John W. Curren: So throughout your life I've seen this this growth mindset continuously, learning continuously, growing.
56:29
Scott Kesson: And pushing myself, I mean, I don't know if it says like I'm going to grow. From this. I always push myself to do something that made me uncomfortable.
56:37
Scott Kesson: So it's always pushing myself, you know.
56:41
John W. Curren: See you when.
56:41
Scott Kesson: Yeah, got it?
56:43
John W. Curren: So
56:44
John W. Curren: that causes pain, and I know I do. I do the same thing. So this question is to help me understand it as well, so something so uncomfortable. It causes anxiety.
56:57
John W. Curren: but we still make the decision to do it and move forward.
57:03
Scott Kesson: Well, not everyone does, and there's nothing wrong with making decision of not
57:07
Scott Kesson: heading at that anxiety. I mean, there's nothing wrong. Anxiety is a natural part of our life. Moving forward or pushing through. It is not necessarily what everyone should do. You know. It's what you're comfortable with. It doesn't define you as a person. I can only speak through my experience, and
57:27
Scott Kesson: I've pushed through it. And I happen to come out a better person. That's not necessarily going to be
57:35
Scott Kesson: everyone's experience with anxiety.
57:38
John W. Curren: Yeah, I don't think this show honestly appeals to everybody.
57:43
John W. Curren: And a certain, there's a certain person, I think, that watches
57:48
John W. Curren: a swift kick in the ass podcast and it's people who want to change their lives and are looking
57:56
John W. Curren: really for inspiration, I think, and
58:00
John W. Curren: to learn an opportunity to learn from others. I know I've learned a lot from you, not only what to do, but also what not to do.
58:10
John W. Curren: I mean that is, that is all part of it, too, and it's not putting you down. That's just like I love my father.
58:17
John W. Curren: and I learned so much from him, but I also learned
58:22
John W. Curren: equally amount equal amounts, maybe more of things. What not to do with my life.
58:28
Scott Kesson: Right, right.
58:30
John W. Curren: Is, you know this. The swift kicking ass is about
58:34
John W. Curren: positive motivation, positive force moving you forward.
58:39
John W. Curren: And, Scott, you are exemplary.
58:42
John W. Curren: Honestly, yeah.
58:43
Scott Kesson: Well, I don't think I'm really all that. I think there's plenty of people that are in the same situation that have
58:49
Scott Kesson: push through things. And again I am who I am. Again. I'm very, very happy with the person I've turned out to be and continue to become, because no one has ever done growing and and changing, and the moment you think that you're done is the moment that is your down.
59:09
John W. Curren: Die. Man. Yeah.
59:10
Scott Kesson: You know. So I see myself as a product of my experiences. And I there's yeah.
59:21
Scott Kesson: Way I can explain is, I have a an, an internal locus of control.
59:27
Scott Kesson: Anything that happens to me I learn from, and I have a say so in what happens to me, where an external locus of control is when you feel that you're you're a product of
59:40
Scott Kesson: what's thrown at you, and that you're just not a victim, but necessarily caught up in the turbulence, and that you're just flailing through life, you know, and I've never been that kind of person I kind of, you know. Take control. I'm a control freak, as you know.
59:54
John W. Curren: Yes.
59:55
Scott Kesson: I like to do things when I want you know what I want and
1:00:02
Scott Kesson: push myself to do things that
1:00:07
Scott Kesson: am I able. Gonna am I gonna be able to do something like that, you know? And again, you know, thankfully, I've survived everything I've gone through. So I don't think I'm exemplary. I think there's plenty of people out there who do the same thing. And those people who who are not necessarily stuck, but
1:00:30
Scott Kesson: at a stance or at a crossroads. Hopefully, this inspires them to maybe
1:00:37
Scott Kesson: get a swift kick in the ass and make a choice of pushing themselves to do something that necessarily isn't comfortable.
1:00:45
Scott Kesson: you know, because again, the more you learn about yourself the better off you're gonna be, whether it's a negative outcome or a positive outcome. You're gonna learn something, and that's always a benefit.
1:00:59
John W. Curren: You know what that?
1:01:01
John W. Curren: And I don't know if we could wrap up the episode better than you just did because I was going to ask for some closing remarks, but that's that's honestly, I think.
1:01:13
John W. Curren: perfect. Scott.
1:01:16
Scott Kesson: Well, thank you, John. Thank you for having me.
1:01:19
John W. Curren: Thank you for coming on the show. I'm so glad, so glad that we did this finally. And you know, as I've mentioned several times. Scott is single
1:01:29
John W. Curren: of.
1:01:30
Scott Kesson: Yes.
1:01:30
John W. Curren: He likes black guys.
1:01:35
John W. Curren: I think you're you're going on mute on that point. You I lost you, whatever you said. But but you know.
1:01:43
John W. Curren: Reach out to me, you know, listeners, if if you're interested in Scott and I'll pass these things along to him
1:01:54
John W. Curren: so they're a perfect way to end. Look how red he is! I love it.
1:01:59
John W. Curren: So this is John Curran. On a swift kick in the ass, podcast i'm, with my longtime friend Scott Casson.
1:02:08
John W. Curren: Really hope you enjoyed the episode, got something out of it, and until the next time, peace.
1:02:20
John W. Curren: okay, cool. I'll let me stop the recording.