Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Supporting Loved Ones Through Life's Toughest Transitions During the Holidays

Transcript

Supporting Loved Ones Through Life's Toughest Transitions During the Holidays · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 63.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Can you believe we are so close to Christmas?
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Can you believe we are so close to Christmas?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: The holiday season can be a joyful time.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Still, for some, it's also a season of challenges, especially for those who are navigating their first holidays with a life-changing event like divorce, the loss of a loved one or the loss of a job.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Whether you have a friend who is processing the initial shock or trying to find their way out of limbo, this time can be tricky to know the best way to offer support without overstepping.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: So that's exactly what we're going to talk about today how to be there for your friend, what to say and what to avoid, all while ensuring they feel seen, heard and supportive.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: The first thing I want to talk about is how to understand the situation.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: You may not be walking through any major life transition, and so it may be a little bit difficult to understand your friend's unique situation, but it's the first step in supporting them.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: So, regardless if they're walking through divorce, the loss of a loved one or job loss, there is grief associated with all three of these.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: There may be some anger.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: For some there may be a lot of shock, and shock is heart.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Along with shock, grief comes, and grief is just deeply personal, and once you're alone during the holidays, it can seem that, because you are now by yourself, the amplification of their pain is at an all-time high.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: But the first thing that we can learn to do and everyone can do this is one listen without judgment.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Your friend needs a safe place to express their feelings.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if they want to yell about their ex-spouse.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if your friend is going through a divorce.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: They may just want to tell you how angry they are, that they have to navigate this alone.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Whatever the emotions are grieving, anger, frustration, worried about how maybe they might make ends meet if they've lost their job it's not your job to fix these emotions.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Just listen without any kind of judgment.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Allow them to feel what they feel and express it freely.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: You can just nod, repeat back what they're saying and let them know that they've been heard, that you see, that you hear how much this time is weighing on them.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: However, don't give any unsolicited advice, because that sometimes can feel like pressure, because, trust me, they're getting a lot of advice right now.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Trust me, they're getting a lot of advice right now.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Just validate their emotion and remind them they don't have to go through this alone.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Number two, which is the most important one, is to validate their emotions.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I just touched on that.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: But we cannot minimize the pain away.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: We can't say, well, at least you still have blank, blank, blank no, or things happen for a reason.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Those phrases can make someone feel dismissed.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Instead, just say hey, I hear you, I see that you're angry, I see that this is going to be difficult with you to navigate the holidays alone after your husband has passed away.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: With you to navigate the holidays alone after your husband has passed away.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: This is letting them know that you are validating their pain, that you are respecting their journey, even if it's different from anything you've experienced yourself.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Number three offer some practical help.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: One of the most impactful ways to support a friend is through practical help.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: One of the most impactful ways to support a friend is through practical help.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Just even doing small tasks can feel overwhelming.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Let's just say your friend's going through divorce.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe help to run errands or wrap presents or go shopping for them or pick up the presents for them.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: If your friend has lost a loved one, the big thing here is assist with any of the holiday traditions they might be struggling to face alone, like maybe decorating the house.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I have a client who is struggling with this right now and her kids came to her rescue and helped her decorate the house after her husband has passed away.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: And then, if your friend is suffering from a job loss, then maybe connect them, give them some resources to look for job leads, maybe help them with their resume or invite them to do some low-cost activities.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: You see, these small, actionable offers can lighten the load and show your friend you're there in meaningful ways.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Number four respect their boundaries.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: This one I can't stress enough, because not everyone will fill up for all holiday events or traditions, and that's okay.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: If they say no, they may not want to go because maybe their ex might be there, that's okay.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Do not make them feel guilty because they don't want to go.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Let them do what they need to do.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, if you've lost your job, you might feel embarrassed about being asked questions in social settings.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Or if someone's grieving a loved one, they might not be ready to celebrate in the same way or may need some extra time just to process their emotions.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: You can offer them a way out while letting them know you're there if they change their mind.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Number five plan some low-key activities when the time is right.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: Suggest simple activities to help them feel connected without overwhelming them.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe invite them over for a favorite holiday movie and some popcorn.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe have them over or schedule a night of baking or a game night to create some new fun memories.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: The goal is to provide support and distraction without pressure.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: 6.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Create new traditions.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: The holidays can feel like a glaring reminder of what's missing.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: When we help create new traditions, this can help your friend reframe the season.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I know for me, when I went through divorce, I had to reframe and come up with new traditions.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I kept some of the same traditions that we'd had, but for the most part I came up with my own because it was important for me to maintain some sort of normalcy as best I could.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: And finally, number seven encourage self-care.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: This is so important, most people think, well, go take a hot bath, treat yourself to coffee, treat yourself to a mani-pedi.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: But you know what, when all of this stress of life happens, we don't think of those things.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: That's the last thing on our mind.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: We are focused on survival.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Our friends are focused on survival and we have to help them, just gently, remind them that they need to prioritize themselves, just a bit Like, hey, have you been getting enough rest?
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Would you like me to go with you to a yoga class or go on a walk?
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes being outside just clears our head, and just encourage them.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Don't push them, because self-care should feel supportive, not like another thing they have to do.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Sometimes just having a supportive friend nearby can make a big difference, whether it's a family gathering or a networking event.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Offer to go with them.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I promise you, if you offer to go with them, that will mean the world to them, because maybe they have to go to an office event or a church event and they don't want to face those alone anymore and that is difficult.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I know I've been there and I still sometimes, to this day, do not like going to places by myself.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I'd much rather go with a friend.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, supporting a friend through divorce, the loss of a loved one or a job loss during the holidays isn't about having all the answers.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: It's just about being present, listening without judgment and finding ways to show that you care.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening today.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: If any of these tips today resonate, please share this episode with someone who might need it.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: That's it for now.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Stay tuned for the next three weeks as we dive into redefining resolutions, as we gear up for the new year and begin to lay out what our goals are for 2025.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: This series is a repeat from last year and I will be airing those episodes consecutively into January.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: When we get back into January, we will have some brand new content.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I will see you next time.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you.