Latest / One Voice Many Conversations / Crushing Strongholds #074 Special Guest Tammy Corwin- I am Dragonfly

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Crushing Strongholds #074 Special Guest Tammy Corwin- I am Dragonfly · One Voice Many Conversations

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: There we are.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, everyone.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another great episode of Crushing Strongholds.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is a place where we turn power into pain or pain into power.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I said that completely backwards.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Trauma into triumph.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And a place where we get to expose the lives of the enemy.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And how do we do that?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I do that by sharing testimonies of faith where people have overcome obstacles of strongholds in their life, where we we at some times in our life felt that there was no end or no reason or no rhyme.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And and and at the at the end of the day, the ultimate solution is always, you know, God defeating the enemy.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so we like we like to crush strongholds on this episode.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And today I have an amazing, wonderful guest.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm super excited to sit and talk.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I know God's gonna um just reveal so much power in this episode because of the testimony that you guys are all about to hear.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait for you to hear it.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And this lady is amazing.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: She's gone through some things that um as I as I read about her and learned about her, I thought there was no way I could have even gone or done any of what she's done.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm super excited to bring um Tammy Corinne in.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Tammy, why don't you come in and say hello and tell us about yourself and and yeah.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: Well, thank you so much for having me here.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: It is great to be here.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: And hello, everybody.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um so where do we want to begin?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, I you know, like I said, I love I love your profile, I love your website, I love what you're doing now.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I love that one thing I that resonated with me um is you know that that fear factor of you know, you have you know, the the things that are held over us.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: How do we go?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: We sometimes allow that to drown us and we don't um we don't live up to our purpose or our fullness that God has a calling on our life because we allow that to that man to me to like just keep us bunkered in and down in that pit, so to speak.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that your testimony, um I can't wait to hear your you speak about it.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: I've read it, so I don't I'm trying not to tell everybody what it is because it's it's amazing.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um has so much power.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I I literally, when I read it, um Tammy, I literally had tears in my eyes.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh my gosh, I was so excited that you you wanted to come on crochet strongholds.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I cannot wait.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So um before I go any further, you want to start sharing with us, like from the beginning?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: So um when I was just 22 years old, um, I was convicted of murder under the Illinois Accountability Law and uh sentenced to 60 years in prison, of which I would be required with good time to serve actually 30 years.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: So I entered the prison system, um, leaving behind a one-year-old and a five-year-old daughter, and um began a 30-year journey behind bars in one of the um one of the institutions in our nation that was noted for sexual trafficking of their female inmates.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, what what we endured in that facility before um the governments and the courts intervened uh was absolutely horrific.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: And um, you know, it was it was a place where, you know, I was broken every day, um, broken by the system, broken by the abuse that I incurred.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_03: And it was the place where, in that breaking, that God chose to remake me.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: And it's where I learned how to crush strongholds.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: And like you said, strongholds of fear and abandonment and rejection.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: Going back just a little bit before prison, when I was just two years old, my my birth mother abandoned me and my my siblings into a shack in the middle of the woods and nailed it shut.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: There were five of us, we were ages six and under.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: We were stair steps, and she left us, just left us alone to die out there.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: God intervened.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: And um, the story, as I was told in the police reports that I finally saw when I was much older, was a man was out walking his dog, and his dog kept alerting and alerting and barking, and it led him to this shack where we were.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: We had been there for several days.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I didn't remember that because I was two years old.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: I can still in my mind hear the hammer nailing that door shut, but I didn't know exactly what was happening.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: And um anyway, that when I was about 12, my parents told me about the adoption.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: And it was then that I began digging and finding out a little bit more.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: And uh I learned what my mother had done um when I was 17, and it it had a profound effect on me.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: I thought I must be a horrible person because if my own mother couldn't love me and she threw me away like I was trash, I began to think of myself like that.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you know, I the enemy used that to build a stronghold of um, you know, abandonment and rejection inside of me.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: And and it didn't matter how people treated me, it didn't matter how much they loved me, my adoptive parents, or how much people said, you know, oh, you did that great, or you did, you know, people would compliment me because that stronghold was there.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: It was inside of me, it was growing stronger and stronger.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: And it caused me to make some very bad decisions.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_03: I I began associating with some wrong people, and that's how I got connected to the people who actually uh a man who committed a murder, um, didn't know his name, never met him um before.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_03: And we were held legally responsible.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: My husband and I were held legally responsible for his actions and sent to prison, where my life took a big turn.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: So that's the nutshell version of it, and I'll just let you uh you know take it from there.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of take a breath and stew that, stew on that for a moment.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm sorry.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm really sorry for you know what you've had to endure over the years, and um I I I can't I can't even imagine.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I worked on the other side in a prison.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I you know, I worked in the kitchen and I taught inmates how to cook and stuff like that, but I worked in a pretty good facility.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't see any of that going on.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um and you know, you hear about it on the news and stuff, and it's just devastating.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I I people are, you know, when you're in there serving out a sentence, you know, you're there just to serve a sentence and that should be it, you know, and it's sad that um even that, you know, you were wrongfully, you know, accused.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And um, which, you know, just again brings out so much power because you're you're not only abandoned, you're wrongfully accused, and you're being abused.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're you it's just such a, oh man, such a um devastating position to be in for, you know, anyone.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I can't imagine how scared and terrified you were on a daily basis, you know, living in there and going through that.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: There there was fear.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you know, the atmosphere was just saturated by fear.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: You were afraid of the guards who were supposed to protect you, you were afraid of, you know, the system, um, the daily activities, you were afraid of the other inmates.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it was just riddled with fear.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_03: And just when you thought you had figured something out and learned, well, I can go to this activity, or I can do this, I can go to the child hall and eat and I'm safe, or I can go here, then something would happen there.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: Some an incident would happen there, and you'd know that you're just not safe anywhere.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: And so you learned how to live afraid every single day.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: And um, it was just every single day was just a matter of survival.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: It was total survival, nothing else but survival.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so this I'm probably gonna ask personal questions.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: If they're too personal, it's okay.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just tell me nope.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: But um, going through all of that um devastation, um did you feel like even God abandoned you at times?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I I had a very strong faith.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_03: I was raised in a good Christian home.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I received Jesus as my savior when I was 12.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, as a as a youth, I sang with a uh youth group and we traveled the United States in the summer singing from church to church, performing concerts.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: And so, you know, I had a good strong faith.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: But um, in this situation, I I was questioning God, you know, why, you know, I know you're there, I know you're real, I believe in you, I love you.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: And even though all of this is happening to me, I will still worship you, I will still praise you, I will still love you, but I don't understand why, you know, and you know, and there were times where I was a little bit angry with God and it's like, uh, I think this has been enough, you know, how much more are you gonna let happen?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: And when are you gonna step in?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_03: And um, there were times I would quote, you know, the Bible right back at him and say, Hey now, you know, what about this?
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm supposed to be blessed going in and blessed coming out.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm supposed to be, you know, I'm quoting scriptures right back at him, and you know, um, and you know, there were many times where he's like, Tammy, I'm giving you a testimony.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, well, I think this is a good enough testimony, Lord.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: But uh anyway, um, it was a daily day by day faith.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: He he was teaching me how to walk day by day to get everything I needed to survive that day directly from him because it wasn't coming from any other source.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: If uh, you know, a human provided me with anything, it was because God ordered it to be, and I knew that.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: It kind of reminds me of the daily manna when you say that.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it makes me think that he literally gave you daily manna to keep you going to the next day, and that was enough faith to get you through to the just to the next day because he's he needed you to still rely on him for the next amount of mana that was to come.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's I want crazy.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: I saw a a book, uh a Christian book, the title of a Christian book, and it was like just enough light for the step I'm on.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's by Stormy O'Martin, I'm not sure.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: But uh, and it was just like that title just really resonated with me.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: It was like, that's what I have right now.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: Just enough light to understand the step I'm on right this minute, to see what's going on right here, and that's it.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_03: And and everything else was just one constant either staircase of darkness or or you know, hallway of darkness, that it was just enough light for the step I'm on.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, so you're you're going through 30 years of this, and as you're getting closer to the 30-year mark, which probably didn't even maybe, I don't know, you can tell me if it even bothered to register you until after you hit 15, because then you at least you're halfway.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how you process like the years that you're in there, um by dates and times, and you know what I mean.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but as you're in there, um did you ever feel or have in the back of your mind that after you get out, um, an idea of what you were gonna do with with what you what you were going through and over you know, overcoming daily?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: You know, uh the closer I got, I began to make a little bit of a plan.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you know, going back just a little bit further, um at three years, and my attorneys had promised me that they would have me out.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: They would have me out in three years.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: I would win an appeal.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_03: This is we're gonna fix this, Tammy.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: Just hang on for three years.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: So I counted down to those three years.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_03: And when those three years came and that appeal came down and it was denied, I was devastated.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_03: I was done.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_03: I was through.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_03: I packed up all my belongings.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I wrote a note to my family telling them how sorry I was.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: I took an overdose of pills and I laid down to die.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but God intervened, the guards found me, took me to an outside hospital where I was an intensive care unit on total life support.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: And while I was in that coma for 10 days, I had that God encounter and that turned things around for me.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: I had that real encounter with God on the other side, that near-death experience.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: And when I came back and woke up from that coma, um, it was different.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: There was a shift that had taken place.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, when you when your being has been in the presence of the Almighty God, something changes in you.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: Your mindset changes, your emotions change.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, I began walking an even closer walk with him.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: And that's when um uh he caused to come across my path uh a little thing about Christian writers field.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I wrote to the Christian writers field and I started taking writing courses.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: And through my writing courses, and and I would send off uh articles to magazines and get paid for it.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I started making money, and it was through making the money that I went to Bible college.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: I was able to put my way through Bible college while in prison.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: And um, so when I got out, I actually had um two bachelor's degrees, one in Christian education, one in pastoral theology, and a master's in divinity.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_03: I was the first woman in an Illinois prison to earn a master's degree, and and I had opened up the door for other women to go to correspondence schooling to get degrees while they were in prison.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, that was great.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: I had a little bit to fall back on.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_03: Plus, um, with my writings, I began doing ghostwriting with publishing houses and I would ghostwrite books and I would get paid a pretty nice little paycheck for somebody sitting in prison.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: And um, that's how you know I paid for those college courses.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: So when I got out, I knew I wanted to work in publishing.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_03: And so just um I got out in September.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: By November, I had my publishing house started up and running.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: It it makes me think about um some of the people in the Bible that endured prison, like Paul and David and even Joseph, and you know, um, when he was cast down into that pit, you know, and it's like it, you know, what comes out of it, you know, at in the end.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And even Job, I mean, Job, you know, suffered severely suffered.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and even though God didn't give Joseph or not, Joseph, Job, an answer as to why he didn't let him go through all that, because Job questioned, I mean, Job did what you did.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: He said he wanted to end his life.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: He said, I would rather die and end my life than to go any further.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: And um so your story reminds me a lot of Job.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so I can I can I can just I can just you know not really understand.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: I can't understand because I I didn't go through that, but um relate with Job in that aspect, how devastating that can make you feel, especially when you you know you you planned on getting out in three years and then you didn't, and then all of a sudden you're let down again and again and again, and then it's day after day after day after day.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And um I know that just speaking for myself, like when I've gone through trauma like that, um, it really um, even as a Christian, it really drug me way down in in my self-confidence, in my um, I just I just had an I don't really care attitude kind of thing.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Did did that ever happen with you while while you I mean after your incident and then you you know went to started going to college and stuff, or did, or did you somewhere along the line um start seeing the light?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I learned how to walk, totally walk by faith and and by listening to God.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: And um I began to break those strongholds and that that um by speaking the word of God over my life, I learned how to speak the scriptures over my life.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what started breaking things and changing things and you know, opening up doors.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you know, it's just it's spiritual warfare at you know it's finest, it's every day is war.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I learned that at a level that probably most people have never encountered, you know, and um uh when you begin to speak the word of God over your life and you begin to think it and you your mindset begins to change.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: And even though, you know, you've got you know guards here saying, Who do you think you are?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and you know, you're just an inmate and you're being treated like the dirt underneath their feet, but God is saying, you know, you're a child of God, you're mine, and you know, you have to decide which voice am I going to listen to and who am I going to, you know, while I choose to listen to the Almighty God, and because I've met him and he's more real to me than any of you guys could ever be.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_03: And so that was mentally what was going on in the shift.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I didn't know exactly how I was going to set up and and things didn't happen exactly the way I mentally planned while I was in there, or even, and I had plans written down, uh, you know, to-do list written down when I got out, but they didn't happen quite that way.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: They it happened a little bit differently, but um, you know, I knew I knew a gist of what I was gonna do.
• 16:29
  unknown: Okay.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I have another question for you.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: So as you're as you're going through that, um let me see if I know how to word this.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's interesting that you say that because did you ever think that you may not survive in there?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like actually not make it out of there.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like you you're starting to you're starting to rely on faith, but are there ever times of such, you know, um, I don't want to say I mean it's bad behavior on their part, but dangerous moments in your life where you thought, I may not make it out.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: I may not, they they may have taken me out before I get out.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, absolutely.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: There was there was a very long, it wasn't until I got to probably within five years of my release date that I actually thought I would ever be released.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_03: I thought I would probably die in there.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um so there was there were some severe moments, and you know, it I was the first woman that had served that length of time to be released from an Illinois prison.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: Most of them didn't make it out.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow, that's sad.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, I could I mean I can only imagine as you're getting closer to um the trial date to see if you're getting released, having that fear because of the the fear that you know took over being denied after three years.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm sure that had to linger in there.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it was, you know, we kept trying with appeals, appeals, appeals, you know, and every one of them was denied because at the initial trial, um I took what was called an Alfred plea, maintaining my innocence, but saying if we went to trial, this is what the state would say, this is what the state's evidence would be, but I maintain my innocence.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: And that was the way that we kept me from that's how the attorneys uh saved my life because the the state's attorney was trying to put me on death row.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_03: So so they, you know, he had announced his intentions to seek the death penalty, and um and part of that was because I wouldn't cooperate and testify uh as a state's witness against the other co-defendants.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_03: I just wouldn't do it.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_03: It was all lies.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: So I refused to do that.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_03: So the state said, I'm just gonna put you on death row.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: And um, so to save my life, we took that um offered plea, but that locked the door tighter.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: We couldn't have, you know, it might have been better for me to go ahead and get the death penalty because then every legal challenge would have been available to me.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_03: But those illegal challenges were not available.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_03: We filed everything, but we were really only filing against the sentence.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: We couldn't file against the conviction at that point in time.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: You know, many things have changed in Illinois with the laws now.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: I can go back and have be exonerated and take this, you know, off my record, but God has not led me to do that.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: He has told me, I've given you a testimony.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and what a place to give it, right here on Crushing Strongholds, because I I believe um um rejection and abandonment and fear is top of the list of because I feel like fear is attached to every stronghold that we have.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I know now um that you're out.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um what was it like the first year getting re-acclimated and just you know the sunshine on your face and your feet in the grass that, you know, where you weren't enclosed anymore and you didn't have to have your look over your shoulder every every day as to what was going to happen?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, I it was amazing, of course, you know, the the freedom and the liberty and the ability to just do simple little things that everybody takes for granted.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so that was amazing, but I was living um in a world I didn't understand anymore.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the technology alone was mind-boggling um to what I walk walked out to, you know, just learning to use a cell phone.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I wasn't out when they first, you know, came out to to people learning these gadgets.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_03: So here they are so advanced, you know, and you know, cars are talking to you and and almost driving yourselves.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I felt like I was in an episode of the Jetsons.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: It was it was crazy, but um, in a in a good kind of way, some of it was overwhelming.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: There was times I went to live with my mother, who was 94 years old, and um, there was times that you know my daughters are like, hey, help help Nana do this or help her do that.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: And we need to, you know, we've moved her bank account now.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: We need to get our social security automatically depositing over there.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_03: And I remember the day that I hadn't been out very long, and there was this her phone, she had a um cell phone, but she also had a landline.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, okay, well, I can call the social security department and take care of this.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, I have all her paperwork here, I can just get it switched over for you know.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, if you would like this department, dial five.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: If you would like this department, do six.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: If you need this department, you know, please stay on the line.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's just like I got so confused in that loop that I tried it about three times and I was so frustrated, I threw the phone across the room, broke down crying, and said, God, I can't do this.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: I can't even make a phone call.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, what kind of a world am I living in?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: How am I gonna make it out here?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_03: So there was, you know, in that, yes, had deep faith, but that doesn't mean you're never frustrated, you're never um overwhelmed.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: And that this world that I walked into overwhelmed me quite frequently.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: My daughter finally told me, Mom, you need to get on YouTube.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_03: She's like, There's a YouTube video for everything.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: So I became very YouTube um compliant.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: I graduated my next degree was YouTube versus Oh my goodness.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: So not not to make a lot of that situation, but was the phone a rotary phone?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_03: Uh no, it was a big push button phone, you know.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted because you know it's like push line five and you're like pushing the number five, and you know it's not working or whatever.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I was just curious.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, can you imagine trying to rotate do a rotary and like oh yeah.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: This is not working.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: It'd be terrifying.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's interesting when I still see those occasionally in someone's house.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my goodness, it I'm you know, that's really showing my age because I know how to use one of those.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: But you're doing amazing things now.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: So um um if you if you uh don't mind, would you um share?
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know you have a an amazing website.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's a beautiful website, by the way.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: I encourage everybody will put out the information at the end to go and check it out, what you're doing.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And and um what exactly did did God put on your life as an exact calling?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know you have a few things that you you've done, but what was your actual calling?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Help people step into their purpose.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, you know, um, so my job is I built the publishing house, Words Matter Publishing, and I merged it into the WMP multimedia network.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_03: So that's my job.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_03: But my calling is to um, my calling is to help people step into their purpose.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: So I built the dragonfly network, and it is I am dragonfly.net.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: And what it is, is it is becoming who he created you to be.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I use the dragonfly metaphor or analysis because that dragonfly begins its life.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: Now, when it's when it's born, uh it has programmed into its um, you know, physicality, the ability to do amazing things, but it's this little bug underwater, living underwater for a very long period of time.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't have wings, it doesn't have the capabilities, um, it's not doing these things yet, but inside of it is programmed the ability to see 360 degrees, to fly in all directions and at any time.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_03: It's a formidable foe when it's catching its insects that it's that it's eating, you know, it's its prey and um defending itself is very formidable, but that's programmed into it, but it begins underwater in this hidden season, and that's what my my prison years were.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we see a lot of people in the Bible that had a hidden season, a very deep hidden season from Moses to David, you know, to uh Joseph.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: You see that that that hidden season where God is doing something, He's He's uh uh working in you to become who He created you to be.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: Moses was, you know, uh in Pharaoh's household.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: He could have just taken over, taken the rule, and freed the people.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: That wasn't God's way of doing it.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_03: I don't need a Pharaoh to let my people go, I need to bring them out, and that's why God hardened Pharaoh's heart so much so that Moses, you know, relied on God to bring his people out.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: Well, there's things that happened to you in that hidden season, in that backside of that desert.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: And uh most of those periods were almost for 40 years.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: And when you look at my prison time, it was 30 years inside, but then 10 years on paper when I got out.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: So I truly had a 40 years on the back side of the desert experience where you know God was creating me into something.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: And it was just at the end of the 10 years where I began speaking out and really, you know, going forward with helping people become that, you know, who they're created to be.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_03: And so I've written a lot of books.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um, one of them is Dragonfly Declarations, and it's just these little sentences, little statements you would say over your life every day.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: And it is teaching you to declare the word a lot of God over your life, speak the word over your life, which will help you with your mindset, which will help you with your heart and your confidence and your self-esteem and overcoming fear.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, you're just beginning to become what who God says you are in the Bible.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, it's just there, there's another book there, um, Dragonfly, where faith takes flight.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_03: That is finding your location.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_03: Where am I at on the journey?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_03: That book is a workbook which will help you where are you at on your journey and what is the next step, you know.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_03: And I do a little coaching with people to help them where they're at on their journey and walk them through the process of taking the next step.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: So basically you're life coaching, you know, in an aspect, in a way.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's that's awesome.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, on top of everything else you're doing with your, you know, the multimedia and the network, and and um you you said what am I thinking you said Roku and Amazon?
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, the Fire TV.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, uh, we produce television shows for Roku and uh Amazon Fire TV.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's great.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_03: So from prison to TV producer.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's a god thing.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_03: Only God can do that, you know?
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_03: That's a god thing.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when you look at the whole picture, that's what it looks like.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're in this situation, it looks it, it it like I said kind of in the beginning, it make it almost looks like God's absent, but he's not.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then it shows the flip side of it where God has has been present the entire time, like you said, in that that dark season or that quiet season.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: And um it's interesting because I went through a 40-year um season myself and God I didn't know it, and God revealed it to me.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I remember praying about five years before I hit the end of the 40-year mark, and I literally said, It's gonna sound ridiculous, but I was I was just praying to God and I said, Lord, I really don't want to be in a 40-year desert.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't let me be in a 40-year desert.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't want to be in a 40-year desert.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like I was like it was just starting over every time something instead of I was already in the 40-year desert, I was walking through it, going through it, and I just kept telling God, I don't want the 40-year desert, I don't want it, not realizing he had me in it.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then finally, he revealed that the 40-year desert that what it was, and and I thought, what not?
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: This was so weird because I was so fixated on it.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: And when he sh revealed it to me, I was in awe because I had no idea.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it started when I was 10 years old when I got saved at a Billy Graham crusade.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it started from there all the way to, you know, I was um I was 10, and then I when I was turned 50, and um my mom had passed away at 40 years, I went or 48, and I had a really hard time with that, really, really bad time.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: And um just uh, you know, just a lot of ins and outs that happened, and even though I was still going to church and believing and stuff, I still had a lot of maturing to do.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes it takes us sometimes the 40 years to actually mature to where God can use us, because I think if we tried to be used at 10 years old when I got saved, I wouldn't done any good, probably, you know, made a mess of it, whatever.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like you know, we can as children, you know.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: Even though, you know, I had a child like heart, you know, I felt like um I I can see why he uses 40 years as a as a good number for because we have to we have to have spiritual growth and maturity.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so I you know, and sometimes going through the what you we endure is what produces that fruit afterwards from that growth period that we have to go through.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: And um we're encountered with people that um we end up helping because we have gone through it and we understand it and we can relate to it and they're not alone, you know, they don't have to deal with the abandonment and rejection.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: We can help them overcome that stronghold and um feel like um you know God has never left them or forsaken them, you know, ever.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so I love that.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: So as of right now, um what um you're still doing all of these things currently, right?
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, right?
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, you're still you're going full force still.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um as of right now, um, helping people find their purpose.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: What is one thing uh that you may have noticed with individuals that struggle with the word purpose?
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like some people go, I don't, I don't, I don't have a purpose, I don't really measure up, I don't really matter, I don't what would you say is the one thing that people struggle with the most when them when they're trying to realize that they do have a purpose and they do matter and God does love them?
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think you know, the people I I run into and and I deal with on a daily basis, you know, they have a passion.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_03: They have something that they're very passionate about.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_03: They just don't know that that passion is probably tied to their purpose.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, they have something they're really good at.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe they're really good at baking, maybe they're really good at, you know, writing, maybe they're really good at something, and they're very passionate about it, but that's not their career, that's not their money maker, that's not, you know, what's putting food on the table for them.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: And so this is just in their mindset, it's just a hobby.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I encourage people when I first start working with people, it's like write down everything you absolutely love to do.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_03: Just write it down on a piece of paper.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: What do you absolutely love to do?
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_03: What gives you the most joy?
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, some people sing a little, you know, whatever it is.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um, maybe they volunteer at it to be able to use that skill.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_03: And then it's like looking at, you know, what life would be if they developed that, you know, taking a look at if what life would be if you developed whatever this thing is that you're passionate about.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_03: And chances are that's tied to your purpose.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_03: It very much is tied to your purpose.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_03: And and when you stop thinking of that as a hobby or just a little gift that you have, and you start thinking about it as part of your purpose and who you're supposed to become, uh, now that's where the shift takes place at.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: That's where we start um growing a few dragonfly wings and we start deciding we're gonna soar here.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not gonna stay, you know, underwater here with this gift inside of me.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: I I'm not gonna just be out here on this little reed, you know, I've crawled from the water.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not just gonna be out here on this little reed.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm gonna soar, I'm gonna fly.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, amen to that.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: I know that when I'm, you know, I've spoken with a lot of people.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, sometimes they're just stuck in their stronghold to a point where they just feel like they can't go any further.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what advice would you what or what what light would you shed on someone who feels that way?
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I had a prayer that I prayed many, many times in prison, and um it was when life was just so overwhelming that I just was not going to make it.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_03: And it was so simple.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, oh God, if you don't move, I'm not gonna make it.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_03: And that it was that simple.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, it was just it was a heart cry.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_03: It was, you know, a you're down on your floor on your hands and knees, face to the floor, just just like uh you've got to move.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_03: And if you don't move, I'm just not gonna make it.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I've prayed that prayer many times over the years inside.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_03: I've prayed it since I've been out.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, that's the prayer that that throws all of your faith and all of your ability onto God.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_03: I can't do this.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_03: I acknowledge this, I can't do this.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_03: And if you don't do it, it's not gonna get done.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_03: And that's that's when God really starts moving.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_03: And if you're stuck, if you're stuck, you can't move any direction.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_03: Ask the Lord to speak one word to you, one word to you, speak a word.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_03: He'll give you a scripture, he'll give you a thought that you can just battle with, even if it's just one statement, one scripture that you can go to war with and you can start speaking that one thing over your life.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_03: And for me, I've got a new book that I'm working on right now.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's called the 413 um principle.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_03: And it's Philippians 14.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_03: I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like the 413, and I just 413 my way through prison for 30 years, you know, whether it was going into strip searches, shakedowns, um uh abusive situations, um, you know, assaults, uh, you know, rule changes and all kinds of stuff being moved from one prison to another, just I 413 my way.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_03: And now I for 13 my way through life.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I love that scripture.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's there's so much power in in and even in the word of God, if you just grab one word out of the word of God, you have power in it and just dwell on that.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: And just I always encourage people to meditate, you know, on the word.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: And um, sometimes it works, and you know, people will it shifts your thinking from a negative to a positive because God is only the light, you know, when we get in that that um that area.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but um as of right now, um, do you have an actual are you doing a coaching program as well as everything you're doing?
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like you actually coach on the side too.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: I I do with coaching.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_03: I I do.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_03: I do uh coaching on the side.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_03: I just started some speaking, um, public speaking.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so and and I really enjoy that because that's where you know you can bring your story to life, you know, the the public speaking uh and use it in a situation.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um, whether it's a corporate event or Christian women's event, uh, you can use it in a situation to really help, you know, a group of people together.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's fantastic.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's important.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I love that you were bold enough to take your life story and use the testimony to just smash the devil.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, I'm sure he's just like, this is not the idea I had, you know, when you know, with allowing all of this stuff to happen.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so it it's it's just phenomenal because I couldn't imagine um, you know, the devastation that you went through.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: I I mean, I I I could not imagine it.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm terrified.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: I worked in a prison, but I would be terrified to be in prison.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: I've always been afraid of that, you know, like like I will always be really good.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to go, I don't want to, I don't even want to get a ticket.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm so, you know, I want to, you know, abide by the law.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, so to be stuck in a 30-year prison for something you didn't do, I mean, I cannot, I could not imagine how terrifying, you know, that was for you.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so sorry that you would endure all that.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_03: And I used to tell the women, bloom where you're planted, leave this place a better place, you know.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I think one of the ways God used me inside the prison was um to change it.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_03: Let's change some policies.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_03: I was a I was a paralegal for an insurance company before I went to prison.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_03: And so, you know, I worked in the prison law library for many, many years, and I got to work with some of the women and help them on their on their cases.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but the other thing was I got to make a few changes with the way the prisons were ran in in Illinois.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_03: And we, you know, um, we fought for some things in there and was able to, it's a better place now, let's just say.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um, some some of the you know, I some of the activities that I endured when I first got there, they can't they can't take place anymore.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_03: Every now and then you'll have one little incident here or there that happens or slips through, but um, the system has changed now.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well that's that's good.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so again, that's probably one of the reasons why God had you in there, you know, um to make some of those changes because what you're doing is you're you're protecting other women that are going into that system, you know.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, absolutely.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: And um the only area I could possibly, you know, even come close to relating to that is um when I was in foster foster care.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: I I I endured some of what you went through.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was not put in a shed by the but I can imagine that.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: But um I was put in foster care at the age of two and on and off all the way till I was a teenager, and but I was yo-yo'd in and out of foster care.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was wanted one minute and then not the next, and then it was you know, it was a horrible thing, but I still loved my mom.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted her to want me and keep me around, not want me, and then change her mind.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: Why keep changing your mind, you know?
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: But um, and my dad had already abandoned my mother and myself, and so um, because he was a bigamus and already married and had three other children, so anyhow with that I I ended up becoming a foster parent, and um I I I took in 151 foster kids in seven years.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because I you know, and I I could relate with every single one of them on some level.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_02: On some level.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: And um, whether it was physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, because I endured all of that.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I I remember um not to the extent that you went through by any means, but I could I could relate with them and help them to cope.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing that I I I emphasized and really wanted them to learn at a young age, not when I learned it at an older age, is that we we feel like we're we're the because we're being victimized, we we claim we're a victim instead of claiming the victory over being victimized.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I tell I would I would tell the children, you know, when you're feeling like you're the victim, you need to remember that you're you're you can walk in victory, even even while you're being victimized, you can walk in victory.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not an easy thing to do.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I would encourage them and teach them try to how to cope with that.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: And the other thing I I I encouraged was a lot of um kids that went into foster care ended up hating their parents.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: And God told me right when I went in, um, the first year was hard for me because I got attached and I found myself being mad at the parents and wanting to like, you know, try to keep the kids from ever going back.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you're not going back.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm just gonna keep going.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: But God goes, that's not what I assigned you.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's not your job.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: When you're a foster parent, you're you're you're fostering them and then they go back.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's not your job.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: You need to you need to shift gears.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then God laid it on my heart, being that you're so you know, passionate about wanting to help these kids, help their parents.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, I don't know if I can do that.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I can and so I started helping the parents, and let me tell you, the blessings just flew, you know.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: And um I I got families to go to church, and sometimes my pastor would say, How many church pews do you need this week?
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, because how many families do you bring in, you know?
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's amazing.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: Inviting their grandma and their aunts and their cousins and just lining up the pews.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I I was like, you know, and sometimes I'd have eight, nine kids at a time, and they were bringing their families.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: So um I was like, you know, I just, you know, if I can get these people into church and you know, and they can see a difference, you know, the kids can see a difference in their parent.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: They won't have that ugly jug judgment against them for what they the mistakes that they made.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, because we all make them.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: Even, you know, you know, like I always tell everybody, children to never come with a handbook.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, parents make mistakes and sometimes they're great.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um so learning to uh you know, get used to um how to handle that was something that God had to teach me with working with all of these families.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then I had many different families to work with, you know, and and on all different levels, you know, for I I you know, for confidentiality reasons I won't go into detail, but you know, there was a lot there.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: But um and I was thankful because when I was in foster care, I could have went a completely different avenue and I could have gone the same way um that I saw my mom go in the same way that you know I could have done so many different things, but God steered me when I was 10 years old to see Billy Graham with my foster grandmother, and I got saved and you know my heart changed, and like you said, you had that encounter that changes it, everything it does, it does, it really does.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I wanted to ask you about that actually, because you brought that up.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: Your encounter with God.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um did you feel after that encounter, um did you feel a sense of peace?
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, definitely, definitely.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, um, there there was a uh it was like I want to say that um he imparted something to me.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_03: There was an impartation that took place, you know, in that encounter, and I was forever changed by that impartation.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, if I had to describe it what it was, it was like it was an impartation more of his power and his his presence and his ability, you know.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_03: And when I woke up from the coma, I was no longer the same.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_03: They had told my family that I would know, I would be a vegetable if I woke up.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_03: I wouldn't, they wanted the family, my family to pull the plug that I would be a vegetable, I wouldn't even know my name.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I went on after, you know, this vegetable went on and earned two bachelor's degree and a master's degree and graduated with honors.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_03: So again, that's a God thing because you know, only God could do that.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_03: And there's many things where people are like, well, Timmy, you accomplished so much.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, no, um, I accomplished it because he he did it through me.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's totally his hand because I can look back and see moments that I don't know how I came through that.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_03: You know, how did I how did I survive that?
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_03: How did I come out of that prison without a bitter, hard heart, hating the world and everybody in it?
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_03: You know, uh, how did I?
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's a God thing.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_03: It, you know, only God could bring me through that and still have a measure of love in me for other people.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_00: That that's that's I mean, like I said, your testimony is just it's it's amazing.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that there's people that are listening that um it it's life altering to know that God is so powerful to do that.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: And um I met a lady once at a church.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll share this story with you real quick in closing that um um her her her daughter was murdered and she had I think I think she had four girls and I think she was the youngest and her daughter had been murdered and um man I just another fear of mine like don't take one of my kids God you know like I don't want to go to jail and don't take my kids you know and um I remember listening she told her testimony at church and um that's why I'm able to share it but one thing that was said was that um she went after the gentleman was put in jail uh or prison for life um she said she couldn't get peace until she went and met with him and I thought oh I don't know how nice I would be if that was me I probably would be right beside him after I got there because I might be in trouble I'd probably get myself in trouble you know right and she went there to tell him that Jesus loves him and she took him a Bible and she said and I forgive you she said I I know what you did was evil and it was wrong um but God created you and and her testimony I mean the whole auditorium we're all bawling it was just we're just I mean it broke us immensely and I'm thinking and I was just her telling the testimony I was thinking if that was me I would I would be so angry at this person and here she is pouring love of Jesus on him after what he how bad he hurt her, you know, taking her daughter.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember going up to her and hugging her afterwards and she was in tears too and and uh I was talking to her you know and she said she cried a lot and I said well God you know it's a good thing God saves your tears you know and um I said and I I think yours are you know really special like you know a lot of people that go through stuff like that I think it's God has a special place in their heart.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so yeah it's phenomenal because God can give us such a strength to go through something that we just think there's no way we could have ever done it.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_03: There's no way alone but we weren't alone we're never alone you know exactly yeah so it it's exciting so but anyhow um can you tell our listeners um I I know you talked about your website a little bit can you tell them tell our listeners exactly where they can find you and um how they can reach out to you if they want to get some advice from you or talk to you some more sure um I am dragonfly.net that's that's the best place to find me there's a little contact form on there and um you'll find the books and um one of the things that I'm having fun with now is I am working with a vocalist and Anna Band and we are writing well I'm writing the songs and she's got an amazing voice and she's performing them and so I'll be coming out with an album soon and it is my story.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_03: It is you know all the songs are you know Christian faith based songs on my story and those moments when I was breaking um and in fact matter that's one of the one of the titles uh of a song is when I was breaking and you know um you know for for the devil you know there's one on there called you don't get the last word and it's just it's it's powerful music because it's help it's warfare music it's worship music it's you know help me walk into my purpose music and when I don't understand music you know you're doing something God and I think you know there's such a need for that kind of music out in the world and we may get it a song here and a song there but a whole album of it well you know 30 years inside will we'll produce an album maybe two who knows but yeah there's a lot there so how exciting you know I want to say this to your listeners you know you've heard my story and you've heard how God was with me inside that prison and he got me through these horrific things but I have to say here this was let dropped in my heart when you were speaking is I need you to know God does not love me more than he does you.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: No that's right.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever you're going through it's your test is your test.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_03: My test was my test you know your test was yours.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's whatever you're going through your test is just as hard and trying for you as mine was for me.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_03: And the same Jesus that loved me loves you.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_03: He doesn't love me anymore than he loves you.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_03: He loves us all the same and if you would just grasp on to that and if you could hear anything in my story about God loving me enough to bring me through that I need you to grab onto that I need you to say that same Jesus is going to get me through my my situation because he is and he's gonna break strongholds in your in your life and in that's things that are crippling you.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_03: That abandonment and rejection and fear that I had broken.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_03: You know I I've turned a corner that I've pretty much said to life you know well inside there was pretty much and the prison authorities knew it is like I just look at them and laugh sometimes I was like there's nothing you can do to me that you haven't already done and I haven't already survived.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know it got to that point where I went in when I was 22 well by the time I'd been there for 23 years I'd been locked up longer than I'd ever been free.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_03: And that's there's a shift so your mental shift needs to take place and you need to understand the same Jesus that loved me through 30 years of prison loves you.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: Amen that's a real that's a really good um statement to to leave with our listeners today and so like so much power in that um I I know that um just having that little faith of must that the muster seat of faith I mean you know and that's all we have to have um that God will get us through it.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it may be 40 years you know it may be 10 years it may be five years it could be five minutes you know um everyone's traumatic situations are are you know um so different and all devastating and and we all have them and um I love what you said about that because when I was working with foster kids um it was you know I you know you would hear some stories and some stories were kind of you know a little bit harder to swallow than other stories you know um but at the end of the day Jesus loves them the same you know and um you know um I tried to make sure I I really tried to be fair with um nurturing and and responding to them um because I didn't want them to feel any less loved than the other and before I started foster care I sat my kids down my own my three biological children um my two older girls and my son and I said I want to I'm thinking about doing foster care and my son was I think he was 17 my daughter just my male daughter turned 18 and my other daughter was 19 so she's they they and I said but I want to wait until you're old enough and out of school and you know on your own and I'm thinking about doing this what are your thoughts you know I go I just want you to understand that because I bring other children in the home I don't love you any less that would never be the case.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: And my son said Mom what are you waiting for?
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to wait for me to get out of school you need to start now and and they were really kind of supportive you know just very supportive and they helped me with the kids and um it was just a it was a beautiful thing.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_00: And and it made me you know it showed how much they loved me and supported me as a mom um even what I endured you know because I you know I never wanted them to go through any of that.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly and um I'm glad I was able to protect them from you know some of the things that you know what we go through we want to protect others from we try to anyway and so it was just a beautiful thing.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so I love that you brought that out because um God's not a respecter of persons at all.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: He loves us all the same and immensely we can't even fathom how much God loves us.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's unreal.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_00: So but having that said um I thank you so much for meeting with me.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've been waiting and excited after I after I read your profile I was like oh gosh I cannot wait.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said I I had tears um reading through everything that you wrote and um definitely we'll put all your information in the show notes for our listeners to to reach out to and get um so it'll be easy.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: All they have to do is when they get done listening they can just click they don't even have to look you up there ready and wait for so um it was a blessing and I I just really had a pleasure talking with you and um continue doing what you're doing because I I just know you like you said you there's nothing that you know can come your way that you haven't already endured and um and God's got you you know he does he does thank you thank you for having me it was a joy to be here.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah thank you and to all of our listeners don't forget to please like share and follow this episode and if you have any comments um please feel free to to message myself or Tammy and also if you need prayer you can always go to our uh go to my website questionstrongholds dot com and there's a place on there for prayer at any time that you need it.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_00: So reach out anytime and I'll I'd be happy to pray for you all.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_00: So that's been another great episode of Crushing Strongholds thank you all so much and be blessed.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_00: God bless you bye bye bye bye