Latest / The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast / 84. How likely is equal shared parenting time & decision-making?

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84. How likely is equal shared parenting time & decision-making? · The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone, it's Danielle Black.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Post Separation Abuse Podcast.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm answering one of the most common questions parents ask me.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: How likely is equal shared care or 50-50 shared care and equal shared decision making when your case is in the court system?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the answer is one that I think most people don't expect me to say, and to be honest, it's what you really need to hear.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Partly because it's not at all a simple answer, and anyone who tells you that it is a simple answer doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about what actually happens outside of myths and social media and into what actually determines outcomes in real cases.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: As always, this is not legal advice, this is education strategy and insight from lived experience and many years of professional experience and observation.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: All legal outcomes are individual, but patterns are absolutely visible.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: When parents ask how likely is equal shared parenting time or equal shared decision making, the real answer is that it is one hundred percent guaranteed if you agree to it.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not because a judge ordered it, because most 5050 outcomes in 2025 are in place by consent.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, even prior to 2025 most equal shared parenting time outcomes are in place as a result of consent.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: And by consent what I mean is that both parents consented to those arrangements, it was not imposed by the court.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's relevant.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: When protective parents become exhausted, financially depleted, overwhelmed by systems abuse, when they don't have the knowledge and when they don't have the capacity, and when they're outsourcing expertise and parenting decisions to their lawyer or barrister, along with losing the stamina to keep going, that's when these agreements take place.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes agreements for equal shared parenting time or equal shared decision making or both happen at the end of a trial, but they can also happen somewhere in the middle of the process, in the middle of the marathon, when a parent collapses under the weight of the process.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they don't care, not because they don't want to protect their kids, but because they were frankly under supported, under resourced, and drowning without a strategy.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the piece that very few people are saying aloud.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: The families that end up in the court system are not families with low conflict.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: They're not families with high levels of genuine cooperation.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: They're not families with insightful parenting and communication.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: They're not families where both parents are keen on developmentally appropriate arrangements.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: They're not families where there are zero safety concerns.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: They're not families where there is usually a history of extensive genuine shared care before separation.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And they're often not families where the kids are coping well.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because of this, equal shared parenting time is often not genuinely appropriate.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why even prior to the Family Law Act being changed in 2024, which removed the presumption of equal shared decision making and its ties to significant or equal parenting time, so prior to that law being changed, still even then, equal shared parenting time was only ever ordered in a very small amount of cases.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Partly because all of the reasons that would potentially support such an arrangement don't fucking exist if you're in the court system.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Just in case you're not aware, most parents who are separating in Australia do not end up in court.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in the court system, equal shared care, in my opinion, is not appropriate.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: If there are levels of conflict, if there is family violence, if there is coercive control, if your children are not coping, if there are high levels of conflict, if there are low levels of genuine cooperation, in my professional opinion, equal shared parenting time is not appropriate.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: The reason that it still happens is because people agree to it.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Protective parents ultimately sometimes agree to it.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: They agree to it under pressure.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're emotionally exhausted, financially drained, intimidated by the system.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: They've come to believe that they're going to lose out anyway.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: They're worried that they're looking unreasonable, they just want the conflict to stop.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: They think that by consenting to this that they're going to create some kind of certainty for themselves.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: They're relying on professionals to guide them, relying on professionals to actually know what's best for their own children, and they're not supported to hold the line.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: The parents who consent to equal shared parenting time or equal shared decision making are not quote losing their cases.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: They are quite literally surrendering them in many situations.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they really want to, but because they don't have the capacity, the clarity, the documentation, the knowledge to sustain themselves through the process.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: So the uncomfortable truth is that legal outcomes in this country are deeply influenced by your stamina and overall capacity.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is influenced by your capacity to be strategic.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Your capacity to be strategic is influenced by the knowledge that you have.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And this knowledge is exactly what the blueprint gives you.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I talk about this all the time, and you're probably thinking that I'm sounding a little bit like a broken record, but it's exactly why I created it.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I gave in to pressures for equal shed parenting time for far too long because I didn't know any different.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have the right knowledge.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to have the right knowledge because I want you to be able to stay the course and protect your kids.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Protective parents with strategy and who are growing their capacity and who are rapidly becoming the experts in their own case are able to think for the long game.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: They're able to get their head around the fact that they don't need to win anything today.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Rather, they need to build a case that is going to hold steady in six months, twelve months, eighteen months, two years, maybe even three years.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was in the court system for over three years, Trudy was in the court system for over three years.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: This shit takes time.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: When we say this is a marathon, not a sprint, this isn't just a cliche.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: We use those words because it's true.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's real, because it can take years.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is why capacity building and radical acceptance is a core part of the work that we do with so many clients.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, not everybody needs it, but honestly so many clients do, even the ones that think that initially they don't, because no one usually expects to be in the court system for as long as what they are.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: So let me do what I do best and speak plainly.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Lots of things in life are quote nice to have.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're navigating post separation parenting, the blueprint does not fall into that category.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a nice to have, it's a necessity.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to go from confused to being protective, you need more than hope and free podcast episodes.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: You need documentation systems, you need pattern-based evidence strategy, you need child focused language, nervous system capacity, you need to understand coercive control frameworks, you need to be able to prepare for family reports, you need to have the right mindset support in preparation for court hearings, particularly cross-examination at a final trial.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: You need to improve your credibility.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to this right now, this applies to you.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm guessing that you're not listening to something called the post separation abuse podcast.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not experiencing some kind of family violence, post separation abuse, most likely coercive control.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Above everything else, you must become the expert in your own case.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Lawyers know the law, you know your kids.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't clearly articulate your children's needs, what they need based on their age and their development, the court is not going to be able to protect them to its full capacity.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's why simply having information alone, so information that you're just gathering here and there from websites and podcasts, that's why that's not enough.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Information in and of itself is not enough.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: You need to be able to integrate it all.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening to this and you're thinking that you don't want to be one of the many parents who gives up halfway, if you're thinking that you want to be able to hold the line, that you want to be able to protect your kids with clarity and strategy, then this is the work.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now is the moment.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: And right now, with our Black Friday promotion, the blueprint is$300 off the usual price, the biggest discount ever.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going to be repeated this year after December 12.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: The usual price will apply for the foreseeable future.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you joined the Blueprint before December 12, you also get complementary access to AI Daniel until May 2026.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And AI Daniel will not be available publicly again until sometime mid-next year.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: The only people that are guaranteed access to AI Daniel are those who joined the Blueprint prior to December 12 and those people who work with me or someone on my team in a coaching package.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: For anyone else, AI Daniel is never going to be included free again.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a unique window.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: The Blueprint helps you to build your expertise.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: It helps you to become the expert that you need to be, and AI Danielle complements that by helping you to apply the information and the frameworks in the blueprint in the moment.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a transformational combination.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: The link to join is in the show notes, or you can simply head straight to the website Danielle Blackcoaching.com.au So the takeaway from this episode is that equal shared care is absolutely not an automatic outcome.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: It never has been.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: It never has been.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: It has become so common in this country because people have agreed to it.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know, that might be hard to hear, but it's true.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: It has never been commonly ordered by the court.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And as far as parental responsibility goes, equal shared parental responsibility is guaranteed if you consent to it.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: There are absolutely things that you can do if what you're seeking is sole parental responsibility.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So what I want you to take away from this is that equal shared care and equal shared parental responsibility are commonly consent outcomes fueled by exhaustion, fueled by pressured parents who are essentially handing their children over to their legal team.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I get it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I really do.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: I get it more than most.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: But if you really want to optimize the outcome for your case, you becoming the expert in your case is really not optional.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's necessary.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm here cheering for you.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're already doing the hardest job.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: But if you need more strategy, more support, more knowledge, more capacity, you can find it at Danielle Blackcoaching.com.au.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for your time.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'll look forward to chatting with you again soon.