Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Episode #172 w/Coach Dora Mendez

Transcript

Episode #172 w/Coach Dora Mendez · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking In with Kiki. Kicking it you Ki
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Ki kicking it the ki Ki.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: For a little personality, switching up the storyline on God.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: We making the story and books one day at the time.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: How much problems to the side. Enjoy yourself, free your mind.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Kicking it with Ki.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Keep hello and welcome back to another episode of Kicking
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: In with Kiki, Life, love and mindset. I am your host,
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Kiki Chanel. Around here, we're talking about movement, transformation, growth, mindset, life,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: love and all the things. I am joined with a
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: very special guest. And you guys have been following the show,
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: so you know how I like to do. I'd like
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: to give my guests the opportunity to tell you guys
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: who they are. So Coach Dora, thank you for coming
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: to kick it with me. Go ahead and tell the
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: people who you are and what you do.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: All right, thank you so much for having me. Thank
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: you so much, Kiki. I'm excited to be here. I'm
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: Coach Dora Mendez, founder and CEO of Coach Door, LLC.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: I'm a fractional chief human resources officer, career coach, author, educator,
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: and the host of the building Leadership community podcast For
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: more than twenty years, I've worked at the intersection of
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: people leadership and organizational culture, helping nonprofits and mission driven
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: organization build workplaces where people can truly thrive. A few
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: years ago, I experienced something I never expected. I was
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: laid off from my C suite role after leading the
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: workforce reduction Plan. It was one of the hardest moments
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: in my career, but it also became the beginning of
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: my purpose. Today. I help leaders and professionals navigate with confidence,
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: whether that's leading through uncertainty, ret reinventing their careers, or
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: learning how to use AI in a thoughtful, human centered way.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: My philosophy is simple. Technology should not enhance our humanity,
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: not replace it. Technology should enhance our humanity, not replace it.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: At the heart of everything I do, I believe that
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: leadership is about building community, creating opportunities for others, and
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: leaving people better off than you found them. I'm really
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: looking forward to our conversation today and sharing a few
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: lessons I've learned along the way.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me, absolutely well, thank you for
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: being here, Coach Dora. We're going to go into the
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: mindset moment real quick. Before we start talking about all
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: things coach door. We always like to figure out how
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: our experiences in life shape who we are, how we think,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: and the things that we do. What mindset shift changed
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: the way you approach life.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: That was the growth mindset, and I want to share
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: how this happened. I have two children. My daughter is
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: twelve now my son is nine, and when they were toddlers,
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: we took them to the Toddler Center at Barnard College.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: You know, when they're two, they don't need day care
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: or school or whatever, but we put them into the program.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: And the growth mindset. I learned about it there because
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: they had students, like graduate students and child psychology working
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: with our toddlers. And you know how toddlers fall down
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: and get up, They have no fear, they try and
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I and I didn't realize that that kind of resilience,
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: that kind of you know, falling down and getting back up,
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: like being fearless, like a toddler is discovering how to
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: do things. There was science behind it and it's you know,
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: it's in the education and field, and it just was
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: like an AHA moment for me, you know, like, don't
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: be afraid to take risks, don't be afraid to fail.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: Failure is just the way to course correct and that
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: true failure is quitting, is giving up. And so that
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: growth mindset really helped me. And then at the same
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: time my toddlers, I was learning about how to raise toddlers,
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: I started learning how to coach, how to coach in
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: my HR career using the growth. The growth method which
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: is the method I use is you know, goals or
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: it is opportunities way forward, and it's a method that
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: I learned and it they align. It's sort of how
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: do you solve problems? The solution is in you and
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: we can help bring it out of you, and you
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: have to be open and flexible and adaptable and resilient
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: in order to be culturable. So that's the mindset shift
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: that really changed my life. And I know it's kind
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: of like a stereotype like you become a being a
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: mother changes your life, but really, you know it is
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: It's true, like becoming a parent just really changed me.
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: But you don't have to be a parent to be
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: resilient or growth. But that is really what was the
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: genesis of my growth and my growth mindset shift that
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: just changed everything for me in my.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Life absolutely and as a coach. What belief did you
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: have to unlearn in order to grow?
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  Speaker 3: I had to really let go of control. You can't control.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Someone said something really funny the other day about being
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: a control enthusiast instead of like a control freak. But
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: you can't control how people behave. You can only create
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: conditions for them to right. So I had to let
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: go of control. I had to be okay with not control.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: I have to be okay with leading and ambiguity and uncertainty.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: And I had to unlearn how to, you know, delegate
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: more and just like you know, unlearn like trying to
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: be controlled. You can't control everything. You just can't. So
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: I had to unlearn that.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Okay, And we're talking about mindset in the mindset moment.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: What mindset kept you grounded doing a difficult season of
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: your life.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: Gratitude. When things get bad, you think about what you're
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: grateful for. And it can be something simple like having
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: a cup of coffee in the morning. I love my
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: cup of coffee, or something bigger like grateful to have
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: a good friend, Grateful that you're for your children, grateful,
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: just gratitude, gratitude. Sorry, I didn't know what it was
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: going to get so emotional with that question. But really,
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: when I think about difficult seasons, I guess it's because
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: I was thinking about difficult seasons in my life, and
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: what really helped me is gratitude.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Expressing gratitude absolutely, And I'm all about showing an attitude
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: of gratitude because we have to pay attention to the
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: small things. We try to. We tend to overlook the
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: small things because we want what's bigger, what's next. But
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: I was having a conversation with someone a couple of
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: weeks ago, and we were talking about the small things
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: are what defines us most. We don't realize that. So
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: just waking up each day in your right mind, you know,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: being able to move around, because we have people like
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: my dad who suffer from a stroke and he's no
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: longer able to walk around. He's in a wheelchair now.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: So the fact that I am able to stand each
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: day and live the day that I am supposed to have,
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: it's just I'm grateful for those things. Yeah, yeah, I
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: love that. I love your answer about the gratitude and thank.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: You for sharing that. I have to say we have
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: that in common my father, my father too, He's I mean,
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: he rest in peace. Before he passed away, he had
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: a massive stroke and was paralyzed on his left side.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: But I want to say there's a way forward, there's
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: a way forward. So yeah, so you know, hanging there,
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: hanging there and tell your dad, which could sent him
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: all my blessings.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: I definitely will. I definitely will. He has a good
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: spirit about it, though at first it was kind of
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: dark because you know, he was a man's man, used
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: to doing everything we can count on him to do stuff.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: And going from that to you know, having to depend
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: on people, it played a lot on his mental So
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: he is in a good place now. Shout out to personally,
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: I love you man.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: He has a wonderful daughter.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. So that goes I want to
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: go back to your growth method. I mean your grow
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: method goes resources, opportunity way forward. How did that come
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: about for your coaching practice? Can you tell us a
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: little bit more about how that the grow method without
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: yeah too much a way for people that's interested in it.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not something I invented. It's a methodology that
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: has been out there for a long time. I think
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: it's since the eighties. It's just as a human resources
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: professional as part of my continuous learning and improvement, you know,
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: like a best part, and any profession you should always
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: be continuously learning, continuous and improvement. That's you know, being
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: a part like SHERM. I'm not a member of them now,
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: but you know, being a part of like Associate Professional Associations,
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: I had the opportunity to learn how to coach. And
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: it was an offering that they had to like to
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: teach HR professionals how to coach. This was early in
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: my career, like you know, maybe twelve years ago, so
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: this was a this was a this was a while back,
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: and I had you know, I always thought like coaching
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: was like reserved for executives, Like it's for executives. Heard
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: of executive coachings, Like if you become a CEO or
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: a VP, the company gets you this executive coach. And
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: I mean there's been like shows and movies about like
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: executive coaches working with like the executives, and it always
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: seemed like something so exclusive. But then when I learned
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: about it, and then when we met coaches and we
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: learned about it and we got to do like a
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: coaching session, I was like, oh, this is not this
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: isn't exclusive. This is something that everyone can do. You
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: can do it for yourself, and it's a very simple tool.
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  Speaker 3: It's free. I give it away. I give the I
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: give the worksheet away free on my website www dot
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: coach Dora Mendez dot com, so you can get a
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: free worksheet. You can get a free worksheet off my
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: website and I just because it's essentially coaching is asking
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: really good questions so that people can solve the problems themselves.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: The answer is in you. You are your best solved
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: problem solver. You know you the best. You are the
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: ones who can come up with a solution, and a
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: coach just helps guide you. A coach doesn't tell you
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: what to do. A lot of people get confused like
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: between mentoring sponsorship, Like, but coaching is really about helping you,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: uh get bringing out the best in you.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that, and and I'm glad that you
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: say that. It's just about guiding. Really, coaching is about
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: guiding a person to do it themselves so that they
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: can get unstuck and continue to do it. Yeah. I
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: love that because I'm I'm a mindset coach and I
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: give a lot of homework and if you don't want
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: to do the homework. It's not gonna happen, correct.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: So there's that's why I have I give the worksheet
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: for free. But it is home. There is homework. You've
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: gotta you've got to do it. You are. I'm not
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: gonna like tell you what to do. Some people get confused,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: some people get surprised. And but at the end of
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: the day, and I do share tools, obviously, I share
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: tools and tips. It's not like you don't get anything.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: But uh yeah, So I love working with people and
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: I think we share this similar for Key. This is
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: part of the reason why I'm so glad we're here.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: We're so alived. We really we share like the same
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: values in philosophy, and we really just want to help
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: people be their best selves.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and that's the that's the that's the only reason
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I do what I do. I love the coaching side
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: of it, but I love the podcast media side because
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: I get to meet people like yourself who are doing
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: things to help bring positivity and change the mindset of
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: people in everyday life. Because you can't go through life
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: with a scarcity mindset, a victim mindset, and a negative
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: mindset and expect to expand to your best self. You know,
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: we were not put here to be mediocre. You don't
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: have to settle. You just have to get out of
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: your own way and realize that I deserve more. I
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: want more. I'm going to do more to get more.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: Agreed. Agreed.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: What is the name of your coaching your coaching business?
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: When did you decide to become a coach? Let's talk
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: about that a little bit.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: So I kind of touched upon it in the introduction.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: I you know, like many people, I got laid off
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: about two years ago, and I just got tired of
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: the disrespect. And as soon as I learned that I
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: was losing my job, and it was it was really
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: unexpected because I had planned the reduction in force as
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: the you know, as the chief, as the lead HR person,
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: uh and as the chief DEI officer. So I had
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: planned this whole reduction in force, only to find out
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: that I was part of the layoff, and it was
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: a real shock and I just got tired. I was like,
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: you know, as soon as I learned that I was
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: laid off, I was I was like, Okay, I'm going
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: to put myself out there. And I got interviews right
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: away and I started interviewing, and then during the interview process,
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: I was just really getting really tired. I would get
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: to the top. I would be like it would between
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: me and another person. I make all those rounds, do
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: all those thought exercises, and I wouldn't get the offer,
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: and I got tired. I was like, you know, I'm
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: really tired of this. I'm just gonna start my own business,
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: because obviously I'm wanted. I didn't. I just said I'm
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: looking for a job, and I got interviews right away.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: I know that I'm I know that I'm good at
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: what I do. I have experience, I have expertise. So
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: I was like, you know, I'm gonna I'm tired of
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: working for other people. I'm tired of the disrespect, and
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna build something of my own. And you know,
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: it's not easy. Entrepreneurship is not for everyone, right, it
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: is not for everyone. But I felt very lucky that
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: I had a lot of support. I had a wonderful
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: network of people who supported me. I started and I
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: did coach door like. The branding idea was great. I
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: also started a podcast like you did for the same reason,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: and the name of my podcast is building leadership community,
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: and I can't wait to have you on my show.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: It was that because it's lonely being an entrepreneur, so lonely.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: I was used to having a team, you know, having
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: you know, a finance department, a communications department, a team,
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: an assistant and associate, a manager, so like. I went
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: from having a team and departments to me and so
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: I And but I've grown since then. In the two years,
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: I've learned a lot, made mistakes, but I learned a lot.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: I learned how to really leverage I became an AI enthusiast.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: I really learned to leverage AI to help me. I
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: don't know how people were entrepreneurs before AIM learning it.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: I don't know how people did it before. And you know,
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: I just learned and I partnered. I started networking and
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: became part of communities. I started the podcast Meet Wonderful
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: People like you, other business owners, and we collaborate and
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: give each other advice and help each other referrals. And
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: it just started growing. I joined Latina's Rising Up in
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: HR and I published a chapter in a book with them.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: I joined that. I joined other organizations, identity organizations, professional organizations,
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: and other organizations that I'm aligned with and so that's
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: how I've been able to get through and get clients
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: and just build a business. We're still two years in.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: It's not perfect. There are ups and downs, but I
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: know that I made the right decision for me, and
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: I'm really grateful because I have helped so many people.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: I still continue to serve and help so many people.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: And that's what matters most. Congratulations on the two years.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: Being an entrepreneur. I know is you go from having
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: that security and safety net to you're the team. If
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: you don't come to work, nothing gets done like you
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: have to show up. I learned so much stuff I
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: learned by being an entrepreneur. How discipline I am. I
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: always knew that I was a natural born leader and
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I had some discipline, but I think that being my
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: own boss and making sure that everything is I'm a perfectionist,
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: but I know that nothing is perfect, but I try
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: to get it to the best that it can be.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: And so knowing when to stop and take a break
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: requires a lot of discipline as an entrepreneur, because you
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: can burn yourself out, and you don't want to live
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: in that burnout mentality because nothing gets done and you
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: don't serve anybody. You just trying to find out who
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: you are and get back to you when you exhaust
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: yourself without taking breaks and stuff like that. So I
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: think I learned a lot of Discipline's.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: Glad, I'm so glad you mentioned discipline, but also like rest,
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: that was the hardest part for me because like I
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: felt like I was always on, like always on twenty
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: four hours, twenty four hours. But then the other day
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, I can take a break. I
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: have I can lean in and I've discovered I could
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: tell you, kid, if you want to do a you know, conversation,
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: Like all of the AI tools now that I use
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: that help me so that I can't take a break,
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: so I don't have to be on twenty four hours
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: a day, and that my clients feel cared for. And
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: so that was I learned how to do that, so
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: that wasn't so I wouldn't burn myself out. I made
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: my first hire. I got like a virtual assistant, which
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: was scary because you you know, giving somebody the keys
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: to you know, the castle that you build, and you know,
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: I'm slowly but surely starting to let people in and
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: figure out how to again like give up some control
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: so that I can, you know, enjoy the fact that
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: I have the flexibility of entrepreneurship.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. So we're going to go into the reality check
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: because we all want to grow, right, but we know
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: that it is very uncomfortable, which is the whole point
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: of growing. So I ask the questions and then you
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: just give your answers to the listeners today. What belief
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: held you back the longest?
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: Do you think, Oh boy, what belief? I think? But
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: I think believing that everything needs to be perfect before
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: you try. So I think that goes I think that
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: goes back to, like I don't want to get too heavy,
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: but like unlearning like some of the white supremacy culture
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: mindsets of like trying to dispel some of those myths
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: of like what professionalism is and what I think a
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: lot of that mindset helped held me back for for
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: a long for a long time. And I'm still checking myself,
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: Like I'm still checking, like take I take pulse checks
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: in certain you know, decision points, like am I making
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: a decision because it's it's it's going to move forward.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: Am I making a decision because I'm scared of my
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: making a decision? Because of how it's going to be perceived.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: And so I still have to do checks.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I love that, Thank you. I'm gonna start doing checks
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: because I don't. I may do them, but just don't
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: call them that because I do stop and pause a
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: minute to try to be mindful of stuff. But now
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: I can call it a check. I need to do that.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: But the mindfulness, I mean, that's what it is. Now
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: I might call my check now. I was like, I'm
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: gonna have my mindful moment because that's really what it is.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: You're that pause. I think we're saying the same things,
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: just in different ways. But yeah, I find myself I
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: used to like reply really quickly or like answer really fast.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: Now I pause, now I pause. I don't that and
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: that was holding me back a lot, like quickly make
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: it like being a little bit too decisive, you know, so.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, yeah, I love that. Though. What belief or
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: habits these people stuck the longest, in your opinion, Oh.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: A fixed mindset, which is absolute, which is the opposite
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: of from the growth mindset, Like there are just people
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: with a fixed mindset.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Like.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: And there's really nothing you can do about that, you know,
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: just accept them through there you're not. There's just some
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: people who just believe they know everything and there they
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: don't need to learn anything new, and they're just stuck
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: in the way they do things and are not open
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: to anywhere else in the So I would say the
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: fixed mindset. And I've met I think we all know
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: people like that, whether it's not just at work, maybe
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: in our own families. And it has nothing to do
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: with age, because I've I've met young people who can
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: be just as fixed. I teach Kiki something else, you know,
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: I wear many hats. I teach as an adjunct professor
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: at the City University of New York. Okay, I'm here
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: in New York, and I've been teaching them for fifteen years,
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: so I have. And one of the things I love
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: about teaching is that that growth mindset. I'm learning and
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: I hope my students are learning from me, but I'm
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: also learning from them about the you know, intergenerational culture.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: And I've seen the fixed mindset in older people people
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: I work with people in my families, but believe it
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: or not, I've also seen it in younger people, where
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: they just believe they know best and are not like
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: it's my way or the highway, and they just believe
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: they know best and they just believe there's one best
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: way and are not open to you know, or flexible.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and that is that is like detrimental to growth. Yes,
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: what do people romanticize about healing our success that isn't real?
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: What do people romanticize about.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Healing our success that isn't real?
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: Hmm, oh my goodness, that's a that's a really good question.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: Oh wow. I don't know about romanticize, but I know
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: I catastrophize. Yeah, I mean I personally had to try
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: to stop catastrophizing, but not so much romanticizing, I guess
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: when we're talking about reality check. But no, I think
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: people don't have big enough dreams, big enough dream I
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: think people need to think bigger.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: M So, you know, I think I think that people
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: believe a romanticize that healing and success is easy. Ah,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: and it's not. It is not. It is not.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: But there but you can, but there is there are
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: ways to find like joy and ease and rest. But
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: I agree with you. I think, you know, entrepreneurship is
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: not for everyone. It isn't. But I guess maybe it's
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: because I I didn't romanticize. I went in with my
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: eyes open, but I totally see what you mean. Like
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: people look at us either like, oh, you got a
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: podcast or you got to show you got everything figured out.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: You know, you must be rich. I'm like, I don't
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: want to say no, oh not yet, not yet. I
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: say not yet, not yet, it's on the way, not yet,
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: I'm not there, but I do I know why we'll
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: get there. Not yet.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's why A ways say, That's why I
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: love to ask that question just to see what each
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: guests will say, because that's one of the new questions
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: because I redid the segments in the podcast because I
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: think that listeners need to know the reality of what
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: the success is defined by many different things, like what
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: is your definition of success? How do you see success
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: in your life? Me being successful as being a good mom,
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: you know, making sure that I keep my word, or
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: you know, being able to go to the store and
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: if I see something that I want to buy, I'm
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: able to do so without worrying about, you know, looking
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: at the price tag or something like that. I'm not
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: saying that I'm going over spending thousands of dollars and
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: stuff like that, but that's like something simple, like if
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I see a pair of tennis shoes and it costs
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: one hundred dollars, Oh, I like those shoes. Let me
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: treat myself. Don't do it all the time, because you
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: got to make smart decisions. But success is what you
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: make it. Success is how you look at your life
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: and not compare it to someone else's. In my opinion,
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: With you with that. You shouldn't compare yourself to other people.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: You have to create your own path to assist. For me,
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: I'm successful because I am less stressed. There's a lot
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: of work, it's a lot of hard work, and I
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: feel like I'm always on but I don't have like
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: pressure from someone at the top, like telling me what
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: to do or like you know, and it's kind of nice,
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: like you don't want to disappoint your clients, right, And
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: I aim to over deliver every time while setting boundaries.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: But it's always you know. I have big dreams. I'm
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: going to get to my first million. I'm going to
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: get there. Don't know. I've been reading this great book
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: called My First Million. I don't know. Do you know
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: this author Arlen Hamilton.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: I've heard about it. That book is on my list
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: to read too.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: Oh it is. It is great and I and it
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: was validating because like they're talking about their journey and
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, check check check check, check, check check check.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: And they're a multi millionaire. And I was like, I'm
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: going to get there. I have my plan. I have
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: my five year plan. I'm you're two of it. I
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: was like, I know I'm going to get there, and uh,
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: and so I have a I have the big dreams
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: and I know I'm going to get there.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, you will get there, and I'll be cheering you
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: along the way every step of the way. Because DOR
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: came to kicking with Kiki. Y'all exclusive here.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: And I'll be the same. I'll be like I was
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: on Kiki Show when you go viral and I'll be.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: Like, yes, right, absolutely love that. So let's talk about
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: action steps, because mindset without action does not create change.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: What is one action someone can take today to shift
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: their mindset?
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: That's a that's a that's a great question. One action
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: someone can do today to change their mindset, gratitude. Take
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: some stock. Things are not never as bad as they seem.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: Take some stock and gratitude. I every night I don't
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: know about you. I know I've started this routine from
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: from the great Oprah Winfrey. Uh. I have a gratitude journal.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: I keep it right next to my and then and
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: it's a gratitude Jenny, but also is an idea journal
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: and for some folks writing down the old fashioned with
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: your phone, you know, taking the notes in your phone
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: and just practice gratitude. Just think of three things you're
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: great today, and that will change your whole outlook. Just
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: three things. Just think of three things you're grateful for today.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and then you can always go back and look
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: like the next year. Let me check this date from
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: last year to see how much I've grown. Where I'm
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: at now, My nightly routine is reading the Word. I
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: have to give God's time, so I feel lost when
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I'm not able to do that that particular night. So
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: first thing the next morning, if I'm blessed to see it,
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: I do spend time with God before I do anything else.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: And that has become a great part of my routine
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: over the last couple of years, more so this past year,
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: because it's like I'm growing. My walk has grown, my
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: faith has grown, my personal relationship with God has grown.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: Doors have started to open and close, and I'm having
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: to find myself. When God removes something or some one,
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: stop letting them come back, because it does hinder you
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: from moving forward to where God wants you to be
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: or desires you to be, because He does give us
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: desires of our heart, but he also gives us the
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: desires that He wants for us. And if people don't
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: want to talk about that, what does God desire for you?
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: And then he would put that in our hearts. So
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: I had to learn that that if it's not from God,
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: I don't want it.
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: So your faith grounds you?
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: So your faith grounds you?
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: Yes? Yes? And how do you personally reset when life
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: feels overwhelmed.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: I spend time with my family. They're goofballs. We have
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: a fun time together. I spent time and I was
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: just telling my husband that and I was I'm feeling
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: overwhelmed because it's like that period while school is out
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: and before summer can and like you have to entertain
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: your children. And so I was sitting I was in
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: a zoom meeting yesterday my son comes interrupted my others
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: like why do you have to work? I said, because
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: I got to pay the mortgage. And I got to
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: buy the food, and they're like, I could just spend
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: time with us, and I was like, oh my god,
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: I can't wait till they go back to camp. I
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: got to entertain them for two weeks, so I was
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: feeling a little overwhelmed. And then I shared with them
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: that I blocked off two weeks at the end of
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: the summer just for them. No work, No, I won't
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: open the computer, I promise, and we're just going to
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: And for me, that's how I reset, just spend fun,
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: quality time or family, you know, enjoying the culture. I
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: feel really fortunate to live near New York City and
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: just enjoying the culture and the nature. And that's how
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: I reset, having a good time in joining the culture
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: and nature with my family.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: I love that and I do too. I just I
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: just take a step back, not binge watch TV so
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: I'll find this show me too.
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: Let me tell you. Let me tell you there's some
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: good shows and movies I have. I have fell in
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: love with this movie Office Romance. M I already watched
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: it like six times.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: It's so I'm gonna have to watch that. I saw
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: that pop up on my too.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: Let me tell you it is it is rated our
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: for a reason. Okay, So warning, warning, because I saw
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: it with my kids and then I was like.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay, I would definitely watch it. It's rating our first reason.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: It's okay.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah, I love to being watched and
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: walk outside barefoot, hang out with my friends and family.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: Of course, me and my son have this bander that
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: we do. We always play with each other, but in
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: like a I guess sarcastic kind of way that other
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: people think that we're arguing or something like that, but
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: it's just how we roll. So it's just it's fun
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: to do that. My seventeen year old son and I
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: we play and it's kind of sarcastic or whatever, and
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: people don't understand it, but it's our thing.
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: So yeah, seventeen do people say, is that your sister?
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: Because you do not look like you have like you
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: got a grown man. You have a grown man.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: I have a daughter that's about to be thirty.
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: What I don't believe it. You look I'm woud don't
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: break down, girl.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: Well, don't break down. Love that. Yeah, I'm forty eight.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: I would be forty nine in January.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: I'm a little turn. I turned fifty last year. I'm
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: fifty one.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, you say it. Make my sister she just made well,
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: she'll be fifty one in October.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: I was a mother of advanced maternal age.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: Okay, So that's okay, that's fine. Why you ran it
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: for campus starts?
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: They keep they keep me, uh, they keep me young. Absolutely,
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: and they they keep me young.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: So we're gonna go into before we do the mic
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: drop moment, go ahead and tell all the listeners how
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: they can connect with you. Where do you hang out
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: on social media and all the things?
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: Sure, so my at Coachdora m on Instagram, on substack,
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: and on YouTube. You can also find me on LinkedIn
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: coach Doorra Mendez that is LinkedIn has been great for me,
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: especially for a business development. And you can visit my
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: website at www dot Coachdoora Mendez dot com. And every
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: Friday we drop a new episode of Building Leadership Community Podcasts.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: You can watch us on YouTube or anywhere you get
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: your podcasts. We're on all the platforms, all right.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: And that is the name of the podcast, Building Leadership
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: Community Podcast on prorect.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: Okay, Building Leadership Community Podcasts.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: All right. So we're gonna go into our mic drop moment.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: So I'm gonna ask the questions and you just give
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: me your answer. Okay, making a mic drop moment, all right.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: So we're talking about life right now. When life completely
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: shifts your plans and breaks your heart, what mindset help
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: you keep going even when you didn't have all the answers?
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: Gratitude and love?
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: Okay? What is one truth about love? Whether self love
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: relationships are healing? That you wish more people truly understood
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: before giving their heart away?
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: Expectations, expectations absolutely.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: If you could leave listeners with one mindset shift that
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: has transformed your life, what would it be and how
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: can they start applying it today?
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: I would see the growth mind said, Just be open,
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: open to change, open to learning, continuously learning and improvement.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: No one has all the answers, no one knows anything,
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: and be weary of anyone who says they know everything.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: How they be.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: Love that?
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: I love that, all right? So when life challenges you
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: and love stretches you, what mindset keeps you grounded.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: Again? I just just gratitude and love. I hunker down
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: and lean on the people who love.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Me, and I think that they should go without saying,
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: but some people don't have that, So I'm so glad
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: that you talk about the importance of having someone in
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: your corner who loves you and you love them, and
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: it's not conditional.
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: It's authentic. It's very unconditional and authentic. You know, authenticity
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: is really important to me as well.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: Right, absolutely, all right, couch sir, this has been amazing.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Thank you for coming to kick in with me. Any
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: final words of encouragement or anything that you would like
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: to leave the listeners with today.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: Just be open.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: These are challenging times for many people on many fronts
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: for many reasons, and we're recording this around Independence Day holiday,
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: and people have a lot of complex feelings about what
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: independence means and it's not straightforward. There's no one best way,
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: and just be open to complexity and accepting people for
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: who they are. That's what I would love to leave
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: people with. Authenticity is a superpower. Be yourself and accept
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: others for being themselves.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, thank you for your kind words. Thank you for
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: pointing in to our listeners today. Thank you guys for
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: tuning in to another episode of Kicking It, Wikiki, Life,
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: Love and Mindset. I am back every Thursday with a
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: new episode on all major podcasts, streaming platforms as well
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: as YouTube at Kicking it Wikiki Media, make sure you
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: go and tell a friend to subscribe and share. We
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: would love to hear your thoughts, so you can always
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: send us an email to Kicking It Wikikimedia at gmail
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: dot com. Remember to keep growing, keep loving, keep your
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: mindset strong, and I'll see you next time. Purple hugs later.
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Kiki, You're welcome.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Chekended with kik