Latest / Numotion Ally Program Podcast / Wheelin' With Dylan: Love, Life, and SCI With JB
Transcript
- Leah Holderbaum: Hey, this is Dylan with Wheelin' with Dylan, part of the Ally Program podcast. ⁓ then this episode we talk with JB, who's just a wealth of knowledge. So I hope you enjoy it. So you met people obviously, like through adaptive sports that have girlfriends that had wives, and yeah. I think that probably helps with confidence a bit. And then when it comes to meeting people who didn't know you right before your accident and stuff like that, is this something that you feel like you have to like explain almost like what a spinal cord injury is and how it works, or do you just kinda like to show them like, hey. This is this is how it is. You know, you're able to do your own thing and it'll be pretty independent, have a good quality of life. And obviously you prove that to yourself. Yeah. what do you think? I th I think it's so dependent on like where you meet those people. Cause I mean, if I met people through like, you know, cause you meet be in that age, you meet a lot of nurses and therapists and things like that that are around your age. So you can naturally connect with those people who you feel like are comfortable with. spinal cord injury. So those are those are kind of the first dip your toes into meeting people I think that didn't know you before because there's a comfortability there. And you don't have to explain as much. But yeah, just meeting new people out there that have no background of medical, no, you know, inkling of what a spinal cord injury is. Yeah, there's a lot of ⁓ explanation I think that goes into it, but there's a lot more explanation that I think you think you need to do that you don't really need to do when you meet someone on a surface level. Like you don't need to go explain yourself and everything about a spinal cord injury. If they have those, you know, questions, obviously they come up and you get into those things. But just being, I think, natural and and and doing the things and focusing on the things that you did before. And if it comes up, you talk about it, but not feeling the need to like explain yourself, I think comes with with time. Yeah. Because you know who you are. You have your your confidence and you're not having to like fear that you need to explain all these things that they're maybe thinking about or worrying about about or questioning. So I think all that stuff just evolves with time, man. It doesn't happen overnight. And I could tell someone all these things, but they're gonna have to live them and experience them. And they can't just say, I'm gonna start being this way tomorrow. Yeah. Like it just it it grows. It comes with time. Yeah, I think a big one for me was like building up the confidence is what you said. That's like important. I to me, like you gotta prove to yourself that you can you can do things that hey, like it's I'm w I'm a lot more than just what what the wheelchair is or what their injury is. It's because like you look in the mirror and like, yeah, but it's like I'm the same you're the same guy. You're the same person, you know, you still got that charm, you know, whatever. Like things things things didn't change. Right. ⁓ but it's up to you to put yourself out there, I guess, and and meet people and Show off a little bit. Yeah. I mean, I think and it's really just showing people that like you're okay. Like they don't need to like feel bad for you or or feel sorry for you. ⁓ or are things tougher? You know, absolutely. But, you know, there's so many things to be ⁓ thankful for and appreciative of that that's not really like I don't think about my injury on a daily basis. And I'll get around people that I haven't been around in a while. And that's kind of like their focus or their questions and stuff like that. And that's really the only time I ever talk about. ⁓ in a normal like circumstance, ⁓ like a spinal cord injury. So like people are always reminding me that I'm injured. Yeah. Like like I like sometimes like I'll think about it if something's I don't know if it crosses my mind, but it's true. It's like it's normally someone else being like, ⁓ how do you get hurt? What's happened? How do you do this? I'm like, ⁓ yeah that's right. Yeah, and it can just be anybody. I mean you you be on the elevator and someone's asking you, Hey, how'd you you you've never seen this person in your life, they're asking you how you got injured. ⁓ it's like daily. Yeah. So it's it's I don't know. It's it's it's definitely like something you think about ⁓ when you're meeting people or talking to people, especially in the beginning, but I think ⁓ eventually it becomes just a part of who you are and and you're comfortable talking about it, but it doesn't need to be the topic of every conversation. I could not agree more. I would love to not have to talk about it more than I actually do, but and then so I know you're you're married now, so you don't mind just kinda ⁓ telling us how you met your now wife. Yeah. Yeah. So that was kind of a ⁓ evolving journey as well. so my wife was in ⁓ nursing school when we met, and she had we had gotten connected through s like someone else who was I was getting some help in the morning ⁓ to kind of get going. ⁓ just like for you know 30 minutes to an hour and a half or two hours or something. And ⁓ they connected me with her as a nursing student. So she was helping me out here and there. So it was a completely, you know, professional relationship. And then, you know, just over the years, it involved evolved into a friendship. And then, you know, years later evolved into a relationship and and dating and kind of getting to know each other in a different way. But initially that wasn't part of that at all. Like, you know, she was seeing someone, I was seeing someone. It was strictly that, you know, professional relationship. I would, you know, she would come in in the morning and and give me a hand to kind of make me efficient and get me jump started for the day. And then, you know, I'd be on my way and and good for, you know, the rest of the day and evening and night and all that stuff. But, you know, over time things changed. We got to know each other better. ⁓ things changed in our relationships that we had and just kind of went from there. And it was the first time I think I had ever dated someone who I was friend or had different types of relationships before the dating. So there was a a like a foundation there that I hadn't had before in a relationship, which was really valuable and and worked out obviously because we've been married now for three years and and and have a little baby girl now. So it worked out to have a foundation other than just met this person, wanted to date this person, started dating. We had, you know, a working relationship, a friendship, and then eventually, you know, years down the road, you know, a a dating type relationship. That's how all that ⁓ all that got started. Yeah. Like a relationship as advice, I think, is like, I don't know, it's a little scandalous because like every relationship is different, right? Yeah. But like for me, I also was friends with my now wife first. And I think it's really awesome when you do have like a past. It's I just feel like it's very natural. You have a relationship, a friendship, whatever, and then that turns into like maybe some romance and stuff. But So so that's cool. That that happened for you. Obviously it worked out. Yeah. ⁓ so for also people who are watching and listening and maybe are a little timid or afraid of getting out there in the dating world again and kind of putting yourself out there, I think you know, a good advice is just like you kinda gotta jump into it, you gotta do it. ⁓ and don't be afraid to just build relationships and you never know where where they're gonna go sometimes. Yeah. And I mean, don't you know, you can't go into every every person you meet just thinking You know, you want to date that person or be with that person. I mean, just, you know, get to know people on a on a friendship level and and see where things go. I think when you put that pressure on yourself to be rejected or not rejected in a relationship aspect, ⁓ it it kind of ruins it all. But the friendship thing is cool because you know each other on a different level. ⁓ and you know each like there's not a show put on for like this dating when you met each other, right? So you know each other for who you truly are ⁓ as friends. And then you can grow into to something after that. But man, every relationship starts in in different ways there's not just one way. My way is not like, you know, you couldn't go seeking the way that I that our relationship started. It it's just the way the way it happened. I had dated ⁓ for years before her and I met and and met people different ways and things went well, things didn't go well, things you learn. ⁓ I think the the the disability spinal cord injury thing is just an aspect to it. It doesn't have to define how you find relationships or or what the relationship consists of is just another aspect to who you are. Because if you go putting that full, you know, first and foremost, in my opinion, it doesn't work out that well. You've got to, like you said, just be you and ⁓ and s and see where things go. And if people are not cool with, you know, your your spinal cord injury, then it probably wasn't who you needed to be, you know, chasing after anyway. So that was that perspective thing that changed for me on, you know, are my friends The f my friends for the right reason. Like you figure that out when you get injured. Like who's around, who's not around, why were they around before? And then relationships. It's like, what were those relationships really about? So it really I think brings value to the relationship when when there's not that other aspect. Yeah. Well that's that's that's a great way to put in it. Hey, I'm Dylan from Wheelin' with Dylan. And I'm Leah with the CAFCAS. If you're listening to this, you are already part of the conversation. But there's a lot more to explore inside New Motion Medical Supplies Ally program. And all our podcasts live there too. So if you want to catch past episodes or get the earliest access to new ones, that's where to go. And the podcast is really just one piece. Inside Ally, there's a full library of articles, webinars, and short videos focused on bladder health. Catheter use and building routines that work for you. It's also a great place to see how others are navigating things day to day. Real setups, real experiences, and things you might not always hear in a clinical setting. And a big part of that is the community forum. There are sub-forums for different experiences and stages of life. So whether you're just getting started or have been doing this for years, there's a space for you. You can ask questions, share what's worked for you. Or just read and see how others are handling similar situations. It's a really easy way to connect and not feel like you're figuring everything out all on your own. And it's simple to access. If you're a New Motion Medical Supplies customer, you can log in with your My New Motion account information and start exploring right away. It's completely free and everything's in one place at catheters.newMotion.com/slash ally. Head to the Ally program today and join the conversation. We'll see you there. So you fast forward, like you said, you're you've been married for for three years now. Yep. And you have a little how old is your daughter again? So she just turned ⁓ fourteen months old. Wow. Awesome. So I think it's something that like myself, like I'm younger with a spinal cord injury and like I'm not like plan on having kids anytime soon or nothing like that. But it's something that like I can't lie would be in the back of my head and something that I think about. Is it something You know, like have starting a family, having kids, something that you first of all always wanted. And also, once you had a spinal cord injury, was it something that you kind of wondered how that worked and what that was gonna look like? And when you did, ⁓ what did you do to to find out more information on that? Yeah, I think I I mean I definitely had that concern when I got injured because I wanted, you know, I wanted a family eventually, wanted kids, but I think I was educated early on enough to where I didn't have an extreme fear. of not being able to have kids. I knew one way or the other I'd be able to have or thought I would be able to have kids, whether it was, you know, naturally or or, you know, some other way that has been successful. ⁓ I think I was educated enough through rehab and and through the people I met to know that lots of lots of guys had kids after their injury. So I had a confidence that when I was ready there would be a way to figure it out. I just didn't know what that would be like for me. ⁓ because every Spinal cord injury is so different, as you know, you can be injured at the same level and have completely different outcomes and functions. So I think I had that confidence that when the time came, I'd be able to figure out a way. And it's really just the apprehension of, you know, are you gonna find that person who's willing to take that journey with you as well? That's that's like a fear if you're not with someone already for the long haul. But yeah, always kind of thought I would be able to ⁓ when I was ready. And then when we became serious about having kids, I think that's where like some of the the fear would come back in because maybe the first way you try doesn't work or it's taken longer than you thought. And it took us like a year to get pregnant, which is normal for a lot of people who don't have anything going on. So I wasn't totally defeated as time went on, ⁓ but I was starting to get more nervous as you know, we were trying and ⁓ eventually it was almost like right at a year. Of trying that we got that we got pregnant. And fortunately for us, we didn't have to go any medical route to get pregnant. We were able to get, you know, pregnant ⁓ naturally for the most part. And that's just one of those things that I always tell guys, because it's one of the first questions you get when you go in and meet, especially with a younger guy, is, you know, what's what's my, you know, sex life gonna be like? Am I gonna be able to have kids? And it's just so different for everybody. I can tell them my journey, but they've really got to figure it out for themselves. But think knowing that the knowing that the possibility is there of of everything working normally is is confidence for guys who are just getting injured. Sure. ⁓ and so so it was definitely ⁓ excited when we were able to, you know, get pregnant without a whole lot of ⁓ extra yeah work. No, that's that's exciting. Congratulations again. And ⁓ one thing one thing that I almost think about more than just like the have having kids in itself. Is like once they are born and now it's time to take care of her or him, right? For you, it's her. Yeah. ⁓ 'cause you know, putting her to sleep and in the crib and like different stuff. And like I think about the car. So like one I know you gotta probably have enough a big enough of a car. I think about this all the time. I'm like, all I gotta get the car seat, but I also gotta put my wheelchair in the back. Yep. Different things. I know it's not like rocket science. I know these things are like easily attainable, yeah, but like My wife or names Kylie was talking about this. She's Man, she's So we're gonna have a stroller in the wheelchair and then you got this, like we better Yeah, you're loaded you're loaded down. We better have like a a big, big old truck or or car or something. ⁓ but how you know, it's been fourteen months. I'm sure you've learned a ton. Yeah. ⁓ but anything that you've learned or any tips that you have that ⁓ you've been able to apply ⁓ with your daughter? Yeah, I mean, I I had all those those questions too, and and it's not like I've I've figured it all out now. I mean, it's still a a daily learning process for me. But ⁓ again, I leaned on all these guys that I knew they were around my age that had already had kids somewhat recently. I mean, I was texting them, I was calling them, I was asking questions. How do you do this? How'd you do that? And trying to find, you know, some guys that were somewhat close to my injury level, just because, you know, what I'm able to do is so different from even someone at your injury level is able to do. So like, There's some things that I have questions about that that's not really even a question for you. ⁓ but there's things that we can obviously relate on that are just spinal cord injury, wheelchair related. So I was picking those guys' brains on how they did everything, thinking through what I was gonna be able to do. ⁓ but I also had, you know, my wife and I ⁓ we had conversations about that I wasn't gonna be able to do like as many physical things as like a normal, you know, dad or or whatever the case may be. ⁓ so we had those conversations about, you know, what I would be able to do, what I thought I would be able to do, what you know, what she would do, how we would manage the time when they need so much care. Cause now she's running around and it's different, you know. Yeah. She started walking at right at 11 months. So she's been walking for a few months now. Like she's fast and efficient and all that stuff. But I really just learned as much as I could from the guys who had already been through it. That kind of gave me some confidence. ⁓ because they were doing it. They were figuring out a way. So I was like, well, you know, if someone else can do it, I can do it. I can figure out a way. It's not gonna be easy, but really you're just doing as many things as you possibly can and and figuring it out as you go. Like and the kid and the and the kids don't know any different. So they're adapting as they grow up. So she doesn't know any better w what I'm doing for her compared to what you know my wife's doing for her. But my wife's awesome. So she does like a ton, she was like built. And born to be a mom. So it's natural for her. She takes on obviously ⁓ a lot of the load, but you know, I try to be as involved as I possibly can with helping her, helping the baby. And things, you know, things will change. Like there there were stages where I really couldn't do a whole lot for them just because she's so attached to, you know, mommy. And now that she's getting older, I'm so much more involved in like the day to day with her and playing and occupying her and. Doing this or doing that, taking her places. So I think it just evolves over time and and it seems to be getting easier for me to do things for her and with her ⁓ than those those early, early days. That's awesome. So really just and and that's I think that's where that ally program comes in and and other pages that I'm on because I read about these questions. ⁓ hey, how do you do this at this injury level? And it's the same thing with having kids. I mean you learn you can learn you don't have to reinvent the ve wheel with it. You can learn so much from people who have already figured it out. You know. And then you got and then you gotta find your own way on some things and and be adaptive and creative and do things differently than than everybody else does them. But it's been fun. It's been fun. She got a lot of energy. She's funny, she's crazy, but I'm having fun. So that's awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us and about everything. I mean, you're you're a provider, you're a a father. You're a you're a husband, you've been able to truly live like such a full life, despite whatever life throws at you and and for you is spinal cord injury or you know, everybody has to go through something, right? Yeah. ⁓ but you're truly a testimony to those words that we talk about, I feel like that we throw around, like ⁓ adaptability, ⁓ perseverance, whatever word you want to put on it, you know, you definitely have have gone through it and have really succeeded. And, you know, it it's impressive, but it's also just like awesome to pick your brain. I and I think that That's something I encourage any anyone to do who's what like if you have a new spinal cord injury or you even if you've had one for years, it's like there's only so much to learn. And you're gonna like learn most of it by yourself, but you can probably save yourself a good amount of hassle if you do kind of look, you know, in your community or you look online or you go on the Ally program or you listen to this podcast today and maybe you picked up on a couple of things that you know you'll be able to try out and in in in real life. Yeah. So thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. Your journey from college to work to family. ⁓ it's it's impressive. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast. You have of me and and ⁓ it's not one of those things that that happens over overnight. You know, this is a a 20 year journey and and there's been long stretches of ⁓ very slow moving progress or no progress where you're kind of stagnant and you're like, you don't know what's next. You don't know, you know, what's gonna happen next, what you're gonna do, how to get to the next step of either independence or life or whatever. And I would just say, you know, keep moving forward no matter how slow it is, because I've had long spells of of stagnant ⁓ growth in in every, you know, subject of life. So this isn't like ⁓ I had this blueprint and I, you know, put it to action and it's worked out perfectly. I mean, there's been a lot of dead ends and and stalls and and ⁓ frustrating times, but definitely happy where I'm at. And I think just persevering and and taking those small steps no matter how small they are, keep moving forward and ⁓ and and things will typically, you know, work out for you. Or you'll find a way. You know, like you said, you you you can lean on people and and it may not be the exact protocol or or or ⁓ path that's gonna work for you, but at least it's a starting point. So talking to those other people gives you a starting point. And then you figure out your own way from there. That's, you know, kind of what I've done. Awesome. Yeah. Thank you so much for for dropping some of your knowledge today. But Be patient, but be persistent, right? Yeah, absolutely. That's what this game is all about. So absolutely. Thank you again so much for coming on the podcast. We appreciate it. It's always nice seeing you, JB. Yeah, you too. Thanks for having me. Awesome. And thank you all for listening and watching. If you haven't already, please join the Ally program. And we please just be active, go on that community forum, ask a question, maybe give advice, whatever it is. But thanks for watching. Thanks, guys. ⁓