Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Slow, Savor and Simplify this Christmas | a conversation with Victoria Duerstock

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Slow, Savor and Simplify this Christmas | a conversation with Victoria Duerstock · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:01
SPEAKER_00: My name is Adam.
0:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm eight years old.
0:05
SPEAKER_00: And are you excited about Christmas?
0:06
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
0:07
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what we celebrate Christmas time?
0:10
SPEAKER_03: Jesus' birthday.
0:12
SPEAKER_00: What would you give Jesus for his birthday?
0:16
SPEAKER_03: I think he would um he wouldn't want anything because he already has us in the whole world.
0:24
SPEAKER_03: Alex, six years old.
0:28
SPEAKER_02: Are you excited about Christmas, Alex?
0:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: What's your favorite part about Christmas?
0:35
SPEAKER_00: Getting presents.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what we're celebrating at Christmas time?
0:40
SPEAKER_03: No.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: Jesus' birthday.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: If you could give Jesus a gift, what would you give?
0:47
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
0:48
SPEAKER_03: A trophy?
0:51
SPEAKER_00: What would be on the trophy?
0:53
SPEAKER_00: A diamond.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: A diamond?
0:56
SPEAKER_00: What do you think Jesus would do with that trophy?
1:22
SPEAKER_00: It's official.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: I've waited as long as I could possibly stand it before starting our holiday season.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: I hope you loved our special holiday introduction, the sweet voices reminding us the innocence and the true meaning of Christmas.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: And our lively Christmas music is back again from one of my all-time favorite worship artists, Christy Knuckles.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: Be sure and download her Christmas album, The Thrill of Hope, and her new one, Thrill of Hope Reimagined.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: I have had so much fun planning this special season, and I've had more ideas than I had release space.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: But I thoughtfully planned each episode with you in mind.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: All of them embody my desire to give you perspective and purpose.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: Plus, a specific plan to help you this Christmas season, from the practical to the frivolous.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: Today's guest is Victoria Durstock.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: She is here to encourage our hearts and help us with our homes.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: Her newest book, Heart and Home for Christmas, is filled with a hundred devotions designed to encourage you to slow down and reflect on the true spirit of Christmas, all the while being inspired to have both a captivated heart and home at Christmas time.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: We start off our conversation diving into her personal motherhood journey.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: She had some fantastic nuggets of wisdom you do not want to miss.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: And of course, I couldn't leave the Enneagram out of my Christmas season episodes.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: So Victoria and I had a little fun talking about her type.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: By the way, if you're new to the Enneagram and need to know the best place to begin, head on over to simply wholehearted.com where you will find all my free resources.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: And if you missed it last year, I re-released my Simply Wholehearted Enneagram gift giving guide just in time to help you shop for your loved ones.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: We're going to have a whole episode coming up dedicated to this concept, which I can't wait to share.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: But in the meantime, you can get your copy at the link in the show notes.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: Also, you can get both my Easy Enneagram 101 and 201 course that are now available.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: These lifetime access online workshops make a perfect gift for your loved ones who maybe are newer to the Enneagram, or for those who are still determining their dominant Enneagram type.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: Now here's my conversation with Victoria Durstok.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: What's the rule at your house as far as when you get to listen to Christmas music?
3:48
SPEAKER_00: Like what's the earliest?
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's funny because most everyone would be closer to Thanksgiving.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: But since I taught music for so many years, I taught piano and voice.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: We always had to start working on Christmas music.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: Like in August.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: I don't know about the rest of creation.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, a lot of times I'm early, very early.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: My kids have been planning their Christmas production and you know, practicing that in their choir every Friday.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: So I'm hearing little, you know, Christmas carols and songs were like, okay, guys, let's wait.
4:28
SPEAKER_00: I don't already want to get sick of it.
4:31
SPEAKER_01: I know, I know.
4:32
SPEAKER_01: It is hard.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: It is.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: But you so you were a music teacher, you still do this kind of.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: What's your what's your thing?
4:41
SPEAKER_00: What's what do you get to do?
4:42
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, so my degree is in piano performance, my bachelor's is in piano, and my um master's degree is in music education.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: So while the kids were little and that I wanted to be home and be able to be freely homeschooled for several years.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: And so that that enabled me the opportunity to be home.
5:02
SPEAKER_01: I could teach, um, I could work homeschool classes and and groups and things like that, and still be with them at the same time.
5:10
SPEAKER_01: And so yeah, uh, I don't have very many students now that I've started writing.
5:14
SPEAKER_01: I kind of shut down that side of things and kind of shifted years.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I do have a couple that are still with me um that have been with me several years.
5:22
SPEAKER_01: So we were actually working on Christmas music yesterday.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: So it's fresh in your mind.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: Now here's the question: do you teach your own kids piano?
5:33
SPEAKER_00: Have any of them taken up suit?
5:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we did try that for a little bit, um, and that was not as successful um as it could be.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: So they actually for a little while when they were young, took from my professor in college, which was really kind of cool.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: He came in and did the whole, you know, little little kid work.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: And that was so fun to watch him in that role because he was not that nice when um yeah, totally different, completely different person, but it was it was a lot of fun.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: And they haven't stuck with it.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: Um, my middle daughter loves singing, so she would rather do that than play.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: But um, it is hard.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: It's hard when you're homeschooling and doing every subject, yes, and then you want to do that as well.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: It's just yeah, it didn't work for me.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: It's a challenge.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: No, well, friend, I homeschooled for several years, and there is a reason why I no longer homeschool.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: So I'm so grateful.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: It's I am all about that third party, and that's what it takes for a lot of us, depending on our kids' personalities and our personalities.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: It is and each one's kind of different, you know, and each one responds differently.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: The the two oldest um did well on their own.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: They're both girls and they were very self-functioning, they could kind of do their and so that was something that worked for them.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: The youngest is a boy, and he stuck same thing here.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: So starting in eighth grade, he started doing some hybrid things.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: He actually went to school last year.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: There's a local Christian school that had started, but he's back home this year, and so we're having to kind of manage once again 10th grade, you know.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: So whoa.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: So you've you you've graduated one or two of them already?
7:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, two.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: Two have graduated.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: We survived.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: You did.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: You did.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: Now here's the question Did they choose to go far away or are they still staying close?
7:30
SPEAKER_01: They're actually all still here in the house, which is uh remarkable.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: The oldest graduated from college um in the in the spring.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: She was gone for a couple years when she transferred to another school, uh, just a couple hours away.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: And so she finished up her degree, but she's kind of looking to see what's next.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: And some of the summer plans fell through.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: We had kind of a difficult summer, and so fall meant she came home and was working for a bit before we go to the next thing.
7:55
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and then the middle was supposed to go overseas to the Dominican Republic after she graduated for a gap year, and that also fell through this summer.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: And so she is also home and she's going to the local community college for her classes right now.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: So fascinating.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: They just all end up back in the nest somehow.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: I had really anticipated, like, you know, kind of empty kind of space right now.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but it's not so yeah.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we talk about this being a forward thinker, and my kids are all forward thinkers.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: They, you know, we talk about this.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: How many years left?
8:29
SPEAKER_00: And you know, we were talking to today, like, oh yeah, so when you're a senior in high school, your sister will be a junior and your brother will be a freshman, and then you know, in college, and you know, so we're thinking about all these things, and I'm envisioning what life is going to be like.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: And then talking to you reminds me, oh, I better just, you know, keep my just never know.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the perspective wide open.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: It has been interesting because because we do the same thing.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: I, you know, every now and then I'll stop and say, Oh, well, this will be the last time we'll all be together, you know, to do this kind of thing next year to be different.
9:02
SPEAKER_01: And so you try to make sure you're more intentional with how you do things, but then like that next year rolls around and things haven't changed.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: And so you're like, well, maybe next year.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful, you know.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: I really am grateful, yeah.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes, but it is when you've been imagining envisioning this, you know, emptier nest and less schedules and people and less food.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I can't even imagine.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: I know that's kind of what I'm counting down in in the department.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: I can go to my poly every day if I want to when they're out.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: Right.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: Well, it does speak well of you though.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: If you have kids who are happily coming back and they're staying, I I think that's a positive element.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I I, you know, and again, my prayer of my motherhood has always been, you know, Lord, fill in the gaps because there's lots of places that I don't do things well, and lots of lots of ways I know I fail.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I'm trying to do everything by God's grace.
10:09
SPEAKER_01: So I I pray constantly, Lord, just fill in the gaps so that they don't hate me and that I don't mess them up too much.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I I am so appreciative of his grace and the opportunity to just keep digging deep roots with them and enjoying the time we have as long as possible.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: That is that is really well said.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: In fact, it's interesting because uh I talk about this often, but I have a mom's group, a local mom's group, who they come in my home, I provide, you know, hot coffee and childcare.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: So why not?
10:39
SPEAKER_00: You know, right?
10:40
SPEAKER_00: There's the hours of 9 to 10:30, wear them out.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: But last semester we covered this idea of motherlessness, and how I've dubbed it is mind the gap, or how you said fill in the gap.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: So for you, you've gone into motherhood knowing full well that you're not going to be able to meet all their needs, which is the biggest thing, right?
11:04
SPEAKER_00: To you know, have that revelation that you don't get to be the savior, you're not perfect.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: You yeah, you have to let Jesus meet their needs.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: So, how did you form that?
11:13
SPEAKER_00: Was that from your parentage or from just the school of hard knocks?
11:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I grew up in a Christian home and I'm an only child.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: So my interactions with siblings are very different than than everybody else because I didn't have that.
11:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was basically an adult, you know, my whole life.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: Um so my my interactions with family have always I was raised well and I was raised with a good family, um, godly family.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: I want to make sure that's clear.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: But my my mothering took a turn once my my oldest hit preteen.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: And she's a strong-willed child.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: And um I knew that one day God would take that and use her as a leader, you know, these were great leadership qualities, but they were also things that drove me just absolutely bad.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: Um as a as a mom, because you those are the times you just want to be like, yeah, because I said so, you know, right?
12:09
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna do that because I said so.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: Like that's the only reasonable response at this point.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: But but God really got a hold of my heart.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: I remember we had just moved, uh, we had made a big move from Florida where we had lived our whole lives.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: We moved to North Mississippi, where we didn't know anybody, where we didn't have family.
12:25
SPEAKER_01: And she turned 11 and we moved.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: And so it was a it was a hard season for her, too, right?
12:30
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's not a not an easy move to to lift somebody up from what they've always known and and transfer them somewhere else.
12:36
SPEAKER_01: But I I remember we would have lots of discussions about music in particular and why why listening to good music was so important, what made good music, uh, what made bad music, was it you know, all of those conversations just to try to encourage that deeper thought process so they would make good decisions as they got older.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: And I remember the Lord just I wanted to say, you are not allowed to do this, you know, in the moment.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: And I just remember in that moment that we were driving somewhere.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: I don't remember where we were driving, I just remember driving, and I just remember that feeling of the Holy Spirit, just not an audible voice, just that you're not her Holy Spirit.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: It was just a thought that kind of came into my mind, and it kind of got my attention like more than ever.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: Not that I had never thought of it that way, but I didn't really think that I was trying to be the Holy Spirit in her life, but I could see that by trying to put limits and protections and even bubble wrap from you know life, right?
13:37
SPEAKER_01: That I was in in a way trying to be her Holy Spirit instead of letting God do the work that He had for her.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: And so that was a really pivotal moment for me in mothering.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: It's been 11 years since then, and I try to remember that often, you know, that I can't be any one of them, their Holy Spirit.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: I can advise and I can um give wisdom and discipline as necessary, but most of the time it's I'm on my knees and praying and I'm asking God to do the work in them that I can't do and to love them, you know, as only he can, because you're his children.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: So he loves them even more than I do, loves them better than I do.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: Right.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: But, you know, because I love them, because you know, I want to steer them, yeah, you know, you have to do that work.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: You know, you're the Holy Spirit, you're the woman that has to do that work.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's good.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: Well, I know we didn't plan to talk about this, but that's okay.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: This is some fantastic mothering advice.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: I would say a lot of this idea translates into how the holidays happen in your home and what you know, what it looks like to prepare not only your heart and home for Christmas, but help prepare your kids as well.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: So for you, right?
14:52
SPEAKER_00: What really, you know, our society, man, I'll tell you what, we celebrate Christmas really well.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: We we start, I mean, Costco, I think had the Christmas decorations up in August, maybe beginning of September.
15:06
SPEAKER_00: It's been a while.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: And and obviously, you know, I get it, we're sales-driven, market-centric society.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: But um, there's a lot of pressure that comes along with that.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: So I I imagine you have a unique journey to understanding how to find rest and joy in the midst of all of this.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: What is that journey look like for you?
15:30
SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, I think that that's an interesting conversation.
15:33
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm super grateful that Pinterest and Instagram and Facebook really were not prevalent early on in my mothering because the pressures were already great.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a totally different time now.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think the pressures are higher and greater and more difficult than ever.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: Instead of always providing inspiration, I think sometimes it just puts people into desperation, which is um unfortunate.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: That's not what it should be about.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: You know, we should just be be delighted to be together.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: So Heart and Home for Christmas really came from my desire for people to really just have that opportunity to say, uh, I need a moment, I need a quick word, something that's just got a salient point, you know, that I can take to heart for the day and think about whether I need to rest in that, whether I need to um take a step back and evaluate my priorities, my schedule.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, we just we tend to overschedule in this time of year, it's hard not to, right?
16:35
SPEAKER_01: You even said at the beginning, there's recitals and there's you know concerts and all the festivities and the fun, but our schedules get mangled and we get stressed, and it's not a time where we get to be enjoying each other or remembering the reason you know for why we celebrate in the first place.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: So how have you decided what to let go and what to go ahead and do?
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Because there are it's options.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: So for someone who say is an Enneagram 7 and they want to have lots of options and a variety and they want things to look different every year, we have that possibility now.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: That's real.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: For some of us who maybe like a type one who's trying to do the right thing and for it to be good, and or for past-oriented stance types who want it to look the same as every year and hit all the traditions, how do we determine what's best for us and best for our home?
17:29
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's interesting because you know, family ends up dictating sometimes, you know, what you're able to do and what you're not able to do.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: I remember um there's been Christmases where people have been sick.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, that changes uh things.
17:41
SPEAKER_01: And why, yes.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Why does it always happen?
17:43
SPEAKER_00: Why can't we celebrate Christmas in the summer?
17:46
SPEAKER_00: I mean, lice.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: Well, if you live in Australia, you can.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: I know that's where it was meant to be.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: We um, you know, mom went through cancer one year.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: You know, I was 19 and my mom had cancer right at Christmas time.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: And so she she was going in for the white blood cell infusion to feel better the day before.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: And so that Christmas was very different than others.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: Um there's been times where I've been sick and haven't been able to decorate, you know, and you get to Christmas Day and you're like, nice tree.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we got any, but I'm not putting the decorations up because that means I gotta put them back down and put them away again.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, nice tree.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
18:25
SPEAKER_01: So there's times, you know, and I I tend to be a one when I'm not functioning uh in my strengths, you know, that's my weakness because I'm a perfectionist and I want everything to look just right and be just right.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: And um, but God's really worked on me over the course of several years to be more people oriented, less goal-oriented, more people-oriented.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: And if I'm gonna be more people oriented, I have to let stuff go.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I have to create margin in my life to just be present, just be ready to go at a moment's notice if somebody needs something.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: And so that means this yes girl has to learn to say no.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: And and recognize that I have limits.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: I cannot do everything.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: And so I can only decide what are the best things, be available, and then just ask God to give me that wisdom of what those things are that I need to say no to.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: And and sometimes that means stepping back from things I enjoy.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: I've stepped back from the choir at certain seasons in my life, I've stepped back from being a church pianist at certain seasons in my life.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: So there are certain times where I say, you know, this particular thing that I love or that is good, I still have to say no to because it's not the best thing for me right now.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: And it causes stress, and and I don't need to bring stress into my box.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Amen to that.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: That's the last thing.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: How did you share this idea with your kids?
19:45
SPEAKER_00: And how did you incorporate that environment of going, hey, sometimes we're gonna say no to fun or good things in order to do the better thing for our family, especially in this busy season?
19:57
SPEAKER_01: You know, I don't know that I necessarily had that conversation with them, but I noticed that there were times where if we were just home and watching a Christmas movie together and having hot chocolate, that those were some of the sweetest times that we had just interacting with each other.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: Or um, if we had a plan at Christmas time to go travel, um to not go crazy trying to buy gifts and sort them and bring them with us and you know, just cut down on all of it, cut down on the financial investment.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: I mean, nobody wants to pay for Christmas three months after Christmas.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: No, thank you.
20:29
SPEAKER_01: It's uh that's a stressor, you know, of its own.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: And so anytime I can just step back from a situation, try to make those choices and say, you know, I'd rather have those nights, or maybe we don't have this schedule, you know, that I have to hit with reckless abandon a couple of times during the week.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then make room for those nights where we do have the church Christmas party or the small group party or the because we are very involved in our church as well, and we need to be involved in the the children's programs and the place.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: So we need to do certain things because uh they're the good things to do, but sometimes there's just been moments where we've said, you know, we need a night, we need a night at home where we're not pressed.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: I found that all three kids are in this sort of stance, and so they're always wanting to go and do and be among other people.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: Usually that um the first thought on their mind is not, oh, I just want a night at home, but when reminding them of hey, we've got all these different things, and remember you really like to watch this favorite movie, and this is the opportunities that we have, kind of giving them that option and that choice and then reminding them, you know, kind of putting kind of putting the control back in their hand or making them feel like they have like they can participate in the decision seems to go well.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: And in that too, I don't know about you, but to also realize what is important to them.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times I kind of put my need for tradition or what I thought.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: you know, maybe they anticipated every year really wasn't the thing that they were most worried about.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: And I was putting all this pressure on myself to do something when they're like, oh, I just, you know, like you said, want to drink hot cocoa and watch my favorite movie.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is interesting.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, we took a trip a couple years ago and we were gone the entire Christmas time.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: And one of the things we do when we're home at Christmas is we make a breakfast casserole.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: It's just um it's simple eggs and sausage and you make it the night before so you can put it in the oven Christmas morning and then you have it.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: But we didn't have that on the trip and it was funny.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: It's only been a couple years.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: The kids are older and so they were like where's our breakfast casserole?
22:39
SPEAKER_01: And like we're in a hotel.
22:41
SPEAKER_01: I don't know there's no breakfast casserole, you know I mean we could go eat something somewhere but it's not bringing with me.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: There is no oven but it was real interesting to me that that was just something that they had you know become a tradition that wasn't necessarily intentional.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: It just kind of happened you know and um it's a it's a part of what we did every morning for years.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: We had our breakfast casserole we did stockings and we read the Chrysler story and that was just kind of the routine and and they're still looking to do that.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: And I kind of love that.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah that is great.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: It is the simple things breakfast casserole yeah like like I didn't think you know I've again it's elaborate you know wonderful things are great but sometimes the kids just you know they're just looking for that taste you know that reminds them of something or that smell you know that hot chocolate or peppermint or you know marshmallows I mean there's just certain things that that they associate and it doesn't have to be extravagant it's just it's meaningful.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm absolutely I love that that's beautiful and meaningful is what we're going for in the end.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah the whole lesson absolutely yeah yeah and then you know realizing it's not about us either you know the celebration of Christmas has nothing really to do with us.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: It's a you know about Jesus.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm yeah one of the things I've loved is this holiday season I've been asking young kids um what they would give Jesus for their birthday just his birthday uh just to kind of reframe the whole you know what this season is all about and look at it from the perspective oh yeah who are we celebrating Jesus it's his birthday so what is it that we can bring to him and obviously you know lots of sweet answers but uh the heart of it being is you know giving him our heart and that's the best thing that we can be and being fully present.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah absolutely I think that's great.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: When you wrote this book were this was there any uh epiphanies that you had as you kind of were writing things down I don't know about you but you know you come up with this idea and you kind of have an idea of where it might be going and you're writing and you're you're telling story and basing off of things that you've learned but sometimes simultaneously you learn something in a whole new light that you hadn't maybe had taken the time to articulate before.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: Do you have one of those things that that have helped your frame frame holidays going forward especially this year?
25:23
SPEAKER_01: It's interesting the the Heart and Home for Christmas book followed the first Heart and Home for book that had come out in April and each time you know you when you write a book you come up with the idea and what you think it's going to be and how much you think you can write about it and then you have to do it.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: And so you're like you're home to this it's on a document that you would do 90 of these or whatever.
25:47
SPEAKER_01: Right exactly and so you're like can I really do that you know until you get them all written out you there's a little bit of doubt in there of of is there enough material here that I can say it in enough different ways that it doesn't sound redundant or you know that there's enough here and and then they ask me to do a hundred for the Christmas book and I was like I'm like is there a hundred and and you know I again I grew up in a Christian home and I've I've I've been a Christian since I was five you know I'm one of those that's just kind of through the years and um there's always something new you know that you discover you know in your Bible study.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: And I I think that that's always what amazes me the most about just studying God's word is that there's always something that just strikes you in a different way.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: And I think the times that I wrote about Simeon and then the second one that I wrote about Anna and just the way that they had been waiting.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: You know had waited with with patience for the promise and he knew immediately that Jesus was the answer.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: And Anna who came to the temple even though you know she she just she came to the temple at the exact right time at the exact right place.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: And so it was interesting to kind of really kind of dig into their stories a little bit more and even though it's still a short devotional just to really think about you know what that what that must have been like to just know that Messiah had come you know that that long awaited answer to prayer had finally arrived.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: And you know I think that that's that means something personal to me because there are times where I pray for something and I get very impatient.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: You know I may be like why am I waiting so long?
27:22
SPEAKER_01: Right?
27:23
SPEAKER_01: Like I this is taking forever yes God you know when are you going to move on my behalf and you know and um I'm waiting and I'm asking and I'm yearning and you know all of those things and so were they and I got to see the promise um fulfilled and and so it's just those were very sweet to dig in and write about um uh the names of God you know being our wonderful counselor and our almighty God.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: Those are always just those those things are are wonderful.
27:52
SPEAKER_01: Part of part of what happened when I was writing a Christmas book uh our middle daughter was in a car accident and um she walked away but she probably shouldn't have um when you when you look at uh the wreckage and and you just you're grateful for grace in that moment but there were you know there were stressors and things happening like and so those moments where God just kind of says something from his word that just is so poignant you know it just matters in that moment.
28:18
SPEAKER_01: So there were lots of things like that that occurred as well.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: I think Cime and Anna were probably my favorites absolutely I'm right there with you it's great reminders as we're in a waiting season of anticipation for this holiday season it's so representative of many aspects of our life so yeah and the value of kind of what you said your daughter goes through a potentially tragic situation like this that the messages of Christmas are valuable all year long.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: It's not just a seasonal thing.
28:51
SPEAKER_00: It's yeah I agree meeting Emmanuel God with us all day long every day.
28:58
SPEAKER_01: Yes and the good and the bad you know and and thinking of the joy of Mary holding her firstborn son but knowing you know that there's sorrow ahead you know so there's that joy mixed with suffering you know that whole concept which is our daily walk you know our Christian walk is that you know we have joy paralleling our sorrow many times.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah so so good very true.
29:21
SPEAKER_00: Now simply wholehearted community loves to talk about the Enneagram.
29:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm an Enneagram coach and so we're talking about it on the socials and we talk about it on our podcast.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: So you mentioned earlier that you might know your Enneagram type I'm kind of curious.
29:35
SPEAKER_01: I have lots of guesses but do you know I do well I'm I'm a conundrum when it comes to taking tests sometimes.
29:43
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah nine out of 10 times mistype.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: So you're okay.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah a lot of the people with you yeah so even the MBTI you know I'm very borderline on several things.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: So um it's always interesting to to kind of look at that but I do I love I love researching this but inogram I'm a four with a wing of five okay but I function a lot as a one so you know that triad yes um kicks in a lot of times and so I I can tell when I'm in one mode and I'm like a little bit stressed.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: Well maybe maybe back off a little bit but yeah clean in the closets instead of writing the words oh absolutely you know my closet's never been cleaner than when I'm in the middle of a deadline so totally well how do you then as a as a type four who is actually fairly decent when healthy like savory and enjoying and and even like reminiscing which is a gift that I don't necessarily have and I have to exercise it.
30:46
SPEAKER_01: So how does that help you this holiday season to do all the things that you're prescribing for the rest of us right right so you know that's the challenge right it's the challenge of learning to live within your limits and I I have always fought that you know like I can do more I can do more or I have more time you know and I burn the candle at both ends until I'm I'm wiped out and then I got nothing for a few days.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't help anybody.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: So learning my limits and um honestly making sure to spend time in the word every day is is the thing that matters the most.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: And it's it is a basic discipline but it's something that I fought even though I've been a Christian my entire life something I fought against for years of really just here's the time you do this and you sit down and you get this done and you dig into God's word and you make sure that you're faithful, you know, to that process.
31:44
SPEAKER_01: And um until until I really just until God got a hold of my heart and said you're gonna get this figured out and you're gonna get this consistent you know I can't I can't do more with you.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: You know I can't take you to the next places.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: And and so I wanted I wanted him more than I wanted anything else.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: And so I did one of those crazy things like getting up at 5 a.m you know that was my big crazy moment and I still do that like regularly through the holidays through whatever's going on I try to get up early because that's my time that I spend with him.
32:20
SPEAKER_01: And it's not all just reading his word it's not all just crying sometimes it's just being in awe of the night sky of seeing the moon of watching the sunrise it's it's just those moments where I'm quiet and I'm spending that time really just reminding myself that I'm not in charge reminding myself that you know my day is in his hands.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: And if I don't do that then I tend to really go willy-nilly throughout my day and that's just honest truth you know without him I really I am really not capable of resting or enjoying or savoring.
32:59
SPEAKER_00: It really becomes the daily mana.
33:02
SPEAKER_01: Like we have to have that sustenance and when getting to that place of dependence is actually the the goal instead of independence which I think a lot of times we get confused with absolutely and and I'm an only child and you know overachiever perfectionist right so those are things that I've had to battle of saying you know I need to die to self you know I can't do this on my own.
33:27
SPEAKER_01: And I don't really want to do it on my own.
33:29
SPEAKER_01: I just sometimes I get that mistaken idea that I'm in charge and I'm yeah just not you know right yeah yeah and I'm fascinating too to think about being a type four and looking through that lens and perspective that your pushback against taking that daily time I wonder did it was it because you felt put in a box and that's what everyone says to do and it's so unoriginal was that a little bit of the push or the probably yeah probably it's not it's not uh it's not that unique you know thing right because we're supposed we've been told we're that's the you know take it super special right yeah yeah oh no that's just fascinating I've I've not heard it from that perspective before so it gives me pause and I think about that and I go oh that's valid that makes sense that would be a struggle yeah no it it really was it was just something and I couldn't figure out why and I would do well at certain times and then I would do terrible at other times and um you know it's it's interesting to watch that progression you know by looking back and saying you know when God just said okay it's time you know you're old enough you need to get this figured out you know right right um but then it's been such a a sweet and like you said it's it's the manna but it's it helps regulate everything else in life and absolutely it makes me makes me more conscious of prayer and how much time I'm spending in prayer and if I rush through that then then it doesn't happen the rest of the day because the rest of the day is filled you know like my time slots are packed there is no white space.
35:11
SPEAKER_01: Right and I'm trying to do better with that you know so that's my goal but that doesn't mean prayer gets put in that spot I have to start with with that yeah yeah I'm with you for sure and and I think that is the secret at least in my experience is committing to that early morning I have just simply said a prayer that Lord would you wake me up and he is always faithful to do it.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh I love that sometimes a little earlier than what I was banking on but it's always good and always worth it.
35:43
SPEAKER_00: This is great.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
35:45
SPEAKER_00: I I hope that um if nothing else that this is something that will inspire people like oh yeah even during the holiday season the best thing I could do is eek in that extra 15 minutes 30 minutes would be yes phenomenal uh to just sit before the father and be able to reflect.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah yeah absolutely I mean it changes everything and uh you know memorizing God's word is such an important part of of what needs to happen and I always use the excuse well I'm you know my brain's older you know I can't and we really can we can do so much more yeah you just gotta exercise it well I feel like our conversation has been full of tips and ideas and inspiration but I always like to end the conversation with maybe three practical things.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: So what would be three ways my friends could both simplify and elevate their Christmas decor.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of a fun thing and you know something that we talk about and we don't always get to talk about how we decorate our home so tell us.
36:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah so I mean I think one of the really easy things to do is to get natural.
36:54
SPEAKER_01: You know there's twigs and pine cones and leaves and berries and there's all kinds of natural evergreens a lot of times within the area around us whether it's our churches or our schools or our homes and if we just you know we could cut it leave it natural and use it in our homes but we can also spray paint some twigs gold and we can glam them up if we like to have that palette.
37:17
SPEAKER_00: True that's a good idea I always forget about spray paint.
37:20
SPEAKER_01: Right?
37:20
SPEAKER_01: I mean you can you can spray paint it this year you know one color and go back to white the next year or whatever.
37:26
SPEAKER_01: So you know I think the natural um collecting you know is always fun yeah and you can add it to what you already have.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: It's not that it can this has to be just all natural but it's an extra element which you can bring in that I think is easier than what we might think it is.
37:42
SPEAKER_00: It's less expensive which I love yes our husbands really appreciate that.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: I know right I mean they do appreciate that a lot um and then you can you know spray paint as necessary and if you wanted a color you could but you know a lot of times we like a little gold or silver or some some little pretty sparkle that goes in and you can spray paint that I love it.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: I think that's a great idea.
38:04
SPEAKER_00: Just freshen things up if you want a little bit change without all the money I like that that's a good one.
38:11
SPEAKER_00: And make your kids reflect it involved in the process.
38:16
SPEAKER_00: Field trip exactly exactly that's a good one.
38:21
SPEAKER_01: You know when you when you homeschool you call it school and you know tell them nature study a nature study all the way that's good.
38:31
SPEAKER_01: They don't know they're actually doing work for you.
38:33
SPEAKER_01: Right.
38:34
SPEAKER_01: So it's great.
38:34
SPEAKER_01: Right.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: That's good.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: So I love it natural but I also love to light it up.
38:39
SPEAKER_01: So you know Christmas lights make a difference everywhere you know they come in such a variety of sizes and shapes.
38:46
SPEAKER_01: There's battery operated ones there's the little twinkle fairy lights they just they add just a sense of I don't know they give us kind of that wonder you know at night and then all the lights are turned out it's it's just that oh look how pretty or we like to travel around and look at other people's Christmas lights outside.
39:04
SPEAKER_01: And so you know I say light it up you know stuff them in vases hang them from the windows you can do all kinds of things now and um just have fun.
39:14
SPEAKER_01: Have fun with all the different sizes and shapes.
39:16
SPEAKER_00: Yay for Twinkle lights I'm twinkle lights all the way.
39:20
SPEAKER_01: Yes yes that's good and one of the fun things um that people are really starting um to enjoy is using wreaths in other places other than just the front door.
39:31
SPEAKER_01: So I say spread the wreaths around you can bring them in and put them on windows in your home.
39:37
SPEAKER_01: You can put them on kitchen cabinets you can use little tiny ones and put them up on kitchen cabinets.
39:42
SPEAKER_01: Yes um it brings just a little touch of Christmas in you can put them on your children's doors they could each have their own fun wreaths um and they could even decorate those.
39:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh my kids would be all about that yes yeah so they can be personalized and so they can be done in different areas on different doors they're just not for the front door only anymore.
40:02
SPEAKER_00: And I think that that can be something you have a really fun time with I think that idea is brilliant and I'm totally going to institute it.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: My kids will be thrilled they'll be like yay thank you Miss Victoria that'll be a good one and I've got like this wall of cupboards that I mean they're beautiful in itself but I can just see now a little hook and a wreath and man we're gonna just up the festivity you can spread that Christmas cheer all around.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Yes yes it's so good.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: Well thank you for this and thank you for your words in heart and home for Christmas.
40:40
SPEAKER_00: But I'm excited for my friends to get their hands on that copy and to know that even if you I have you know some friends who I know well if I can't start it and finish it by a certain time then I just can't do it.
40:51
SPEAKER_00: But my argument is to remember that these messages are not just for the holiday season but for all year long.
40:58
SPEAKER_00: So get your hands on a copy help get you into the right spirit for the season and then let it continue after especially those kind of dark gloomy days of January it'll be great to revisit some of the promises and the stories and just that that excitement that you don't need to just reserve for one specific time of year.
41:19
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely and and thinking of what Christmas means to us personally you can't I mean there's just such value in that you can't take away from that.
41:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah absolutely well I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.
41:34
SPEAKER_01: And you too it was such a joy to talk with you.
41:36
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
41:38
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to get out those Christmas decorations?
41:41
SPEAKER_00: Well I'm gonna wait one more week but barely I've already been scouting the sales to get some more rooms for all our doors this Christmas.
41:50
SPEAKER_00: I sure do love this season.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll get Victoria's gorgeous book to help guide your heart through the busyness of the holidays.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: I know you'll be blessed by her biblical wisdom and her lovely decorating tips and tricks.
42:02
SPEAKER_00: Now if you haven't yet joined Simply Wholehearted on Instagram then hop on over to join the Enneagram conversation and be inspired to live your best wholehearted life.
42:12
SPEAKER_00: And be sure you're subscribed to this show so you don't miss a single holiday episode.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: Hey and while you're there would you leave a five star rating on iTunes or your favorite podcast app?
42:22
SPEAKER_00: We'd love for others to know that they are welcome here and what to expect in our conversations next Monday's episode is gonna be with Molly Beck of Continue Good.
42:32
SPEAKER_00: Molly and her husband Calvin have started a movement to encourage kindness and acting on the whispers you have about loving others.
42:40
SPEAKER_00: You know that this is my sort of thing.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: Our conversation doesn't even begin to cover the depths of Molly's story but I know you're going to love it and her sweetness that is evident to all and by the way their holiday line of Soy Woodwood candle packages are available now and you do not want to miss these.
42:59
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43:04
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43:12
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43:16
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43:20
SPEAKER_00: Come on guys go get some so until next time let's invite others to join us as we pursue perspective purpose and plans for a Simply wholehearted life Vanessa I am seven and a half alright Christmas is coming up soon right yes okay what's Christmas all about it's about um when um Jesus um died so and uh so we all um come around and we um we give presents like it's like gifts to God.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah okay well if you could give a gift to God and Jesus because it's about his birthday what would you think about giving him I would give him all of the