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Where do narcissists learn how to love? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about where do narcissists learn how to love
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  if they don't have good role models at home?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom, drop the intro on you. It felt like I dropped the beat
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  on you, dropped the beat on your head and whatnot.
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  So Yep, Yep, Yep, y'all, y'all. What is going on?
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  Welcome back. So a lot of times narcissistic
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  people are born through or created through trauma created
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  through tragedy, neglect, and things of that nature.
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  A lot of times that's how it happens.
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  So and because narcissists don't have good role models at home,
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  they don't have people to show them how to live their lives in
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  the correct way. They don't know how.
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  They don't have people to show them love, care and affection.
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  They don't know how to. You know, they don't have people
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  to model after to show them how to live life in the correct way.
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  Because a lot of times when you're growing up as a
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  narcissist you you pretty much growing up in a self defensive
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  manner. You growing up trying to defend
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  yourself, not trying to love other people.
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  You know, you grow trying to defend yourself from whatever
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  you feel like. You need to be defended from
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  like life in general. Sometimes you need to fix from
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  life in general, you know? But that happens.
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  That happens a lot. So a lot of time people ask me,
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  they say believe if narcissists have bad role models or they
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  don't have good role models, where do they learn how to love
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  at? What do they, what do they
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  learn? How to love?
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  Bomb you and do things like that?
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  Like how? How do they know how to love?
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  They can't really love. So that's what we're talking
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  about today. Y'all.
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  So some narcissists learn, learn how to treat you and learn how
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  to love or show love through you.
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  You tell them. You literally give them the
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  blueprint to love, to show to, to, to to tell them what to do.
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  You give them the blueprint to manipulate you and to fallen in
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  love with their representative, you know.
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  You fall in love with somebody you didn't know existed or
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  somebody you knew existed but you didn't really know who they
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  were. You know, that happens quite a
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  bit in these spaces. Like you're dealing with a
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  narcissist, toxic person or whoever.
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  That's how it goes. That really is how it goes.
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  You know, you tell them how to love you.
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  You tell them how to treat you. You tell them who they need to
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  become to get you to fall in love with them.
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  You see, that's where the love bombing comes from.
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  Like they study you. They analyze you, especially if
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  y'all met online. Like, everything that you want
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  and need typically is right there in 12 point font in Times
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  New Roman or Helvetica or Comic Sans, whatever your favorite,
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  whatever their browser is set to like for them to read and pick
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  up on. So if it's right there and it's
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  readily available for them to pick up on and for them to read
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  and whatnot, then yeah, they. That's how they learn how to
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  love and care about you. You know, 'cause how they learn
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  how to show you love is by just giving you what you ask for,
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  Giving what to? Giving you what you tell them to
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  give you, you know? And a lot of times here it goes
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  too. Y'all this is going to be the
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  most impactful way right here. It's going to sound crazy, but
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  TV, movies, video games, narcissists learn how to love
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  through and show love and love bomb and show affection through
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  that. If you don't have healthy role
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  models, that's where you're learning from.
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  Watching Disney movies, watching TV shows, watching old romance
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  movies, reading magazines. Like Y'all know my personal
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  story. I learned how to get people to
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  like me through reading Cosmopolitan magazine.
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  Cosmo back in the day. I remember Cosmo celebrities are
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  just like us. You remember that that magazine
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  I used to. I used to.
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  I used to have a subscription to Cosmo.
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  That's wow. I forgot about that.
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  I didn't have a subscription to Cosmo.
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  I would just read it and I was learning how to show love and
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  affection and stuff like that. I was learning how to.
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  I was learning. I was learning through a
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  magazine. Now I know they they they
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  probably just aged to me to show you how old I am.
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  I'm 38 years old. That's a while ago though, you
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  know, reading Cosmo magazine, learning how, what are they?
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  What are the girls like? What are women like?
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  You know, I was like, OK, cool, I'm studying that.
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  That's where I learned it from. You know, it's one of the main
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  places that I learned it from was studying there, watching
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  other people's relationship. You know, I'm going, I'm going
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  to go back to the watching other people's relationship later.
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  But then watching movies like, yo, why do you think they call?
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  I know women can be narcissists, but why do you think they call
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  them Prince Charming? Like narcissistic people would
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  would study people like that, would study Prince Charming,
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  would study people from Disney movies and studied their
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  techniques to learn how to love and get you to fall for them.
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  If I can act like Prince Charming, then I can get you to
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  fall in love with me. If I can act like this person
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  right here, then I can get you to fall for me.
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  We can be together. If I can act like this, then we
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  can be together based on this. You know, they model like y'all
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  again, this me. Speaking of a personal
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  experience, I used to model those movies back in the day.
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  Prince, Trauma, Beauty and the Beast.
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  Like those movies right there, I need to be like that person.
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  But what happens is, because we are modeling someone else,
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  that's not who we really are. That's why when they love
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  bombing you, sooner or later, once the mask comes off, they
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  show you who they really are, the unloving, uncaring person
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  that they really might be behind the scenes.
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  They show you sooner or later who they are.
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  You know, it's not always going to be the situation or the
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  scenario where they are upfront with you and show you who they
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  are. Sometimes.
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  It might take a little while, but they they're going to show
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  you the Prince Charming, show up with roses and stuff like that.
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  If you like pink roses. If I found out you like pink
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  roses, I'm going to show with pink roses.
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  And guess what? You're going to post them
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  online. If he wanted to, he would.
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  Ladies, If he wanted to, he would.
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  Yeah. If I wanted to, I would study
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  you and understand what you like, what you want and need and
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  give it to you. What?
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  What? What person does wouldn't do
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  that. You know what I mean?
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  What person wouldn't do that if I wanted you like that?
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  That. Yeah, I'm just telling you
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  that's how they get you. They learn through other people.
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  And I said they learn from Disney movies, watching movies,
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  reading books, lovers, Lovely Lovely books and stuff like
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  that. But like I said, they also model
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  other people's relationship. If you had a narcissist, like if
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  you are friends of the narcissist and you just happen
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  to have a healthy relationship, your family dynamic was healthy.
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  Like you had a two parent household and your parents, you
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  know, show love and affection to each other.
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  They would model those. Or a cousin, a narcissistic
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  cousin or somebody else. Like they would model those
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  relationships. You know, they would model what
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  those relationships look like and start doing that type of
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  stuff in their own lives because what else would they learning
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  from? They just like go out here just
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  throwing, throwing stuff at the wall and hoping something
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  sticks. That's how some of them would do
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  it. Some of them would just go, just
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  tell you that they love you and go from there.
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  You know, they'll work. They'll work from.
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  They'll start from the beginning.
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  That's why they try to rope. That's why a lot of people ask
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  me why do some narcissists try to move so quickly?
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  Why do narcissists try to move so quickly in relationships?
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  One of the reasons why is because they don't want the the
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  longer we take to fall in love with each other, to move forward
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  is love or whatever. The more likely you are going to
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  figure out who I am and what I have going on and who I really
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  am behind the scenes, the more likely that will happen right
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  there, you know, the more likely that type of stuff will happen.
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  We'll transpire, We'll bubble to the surface.
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  You're going to see me for. You're going to see me for who I
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  really am before I'm ready for you to see me as who I really
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  am. You know, that's what happens so
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  much in these toxic relationship dynamics.
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  That's why they try to move so fast.
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  That's why when you're in a toxic relationship, y'all are
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  moving so quickly. A lot of times sometimes, yeah.
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  But a lot of times you move in quickly because they they they
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  get you. That's how they get you.
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  They want you to be ensnared by them and be in love with them.
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  So it's harder for you to leave. Because when it's harder for you
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  to leave, they feel like they got you.
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  You know what I mean? When it's harder for you to
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  leave this dynamic, they feel like they got you.
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  They want to entrap you, ensnare you, become who they need to be,
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  Become that Prince or Princess Charming to get you to fall for
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  them, you know? And then when that mask comes
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  off, that's when they got you. When the mask comes off, when
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  the mask wears off, they already got you.
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  It's too late now. They feel like you were like,
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  damn, I'm already in love with this person, like, and maybe I
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  can learn to love this new person that they became and you
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  stay for longer, even after they show you who they really are,
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  you know, and this is not me trying to hammer away at Y'all
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  and blame Y'all for staying in the types of relationship this
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  is. They just explain it.
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  This is where they learn it from.
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  This is where they learn it from.
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  They learn it from modeling other people.
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  And again, this is not necessarily a narcissistic
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  thing. A lot of people do this.
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  They learn from previous relationships.
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  This will be the last one. Y'all how do they learn to show
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  you love? They learn from previous
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  relationships. They try not to make the same
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  mistakes twice in the next relationship and I know non non
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  narcissist do that as well. But what is the intent?
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  If your intent is to really care about this new person, that
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  doesn't make you a narcissist because you learn from your your
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  previous mistakes. But if your intent is to
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  manipulate this next person you know, to get them to fall for
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  you and just to not make the same mistakes before, that's how
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  they can be narcissistic, how they can be toxic right there.
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  Like I took what I learned or what my ex, my ex wanted and
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  needed and begged me for this type of lifestyle and I gave it
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  to the new person. You know what I mean?
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  Yeah, dude, the ex deserved it. But I didn't want to give it to
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  them, so I gave it to the new person.
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  You know, they learn from their exes, they learn from previous
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  relationships, and they give it to the new person.
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  They give it to the next person. That happens quite a bit in
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  these relationship dynamics. And this is not me trying to say
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  it's OK. No, But sometimes people,
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  narcissistic people, learn how to treat other people better
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  from treating you badly. And that that's what gets in
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  people's heads right there. When y'all wondering, are they
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  treated in the new supply better?
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  Probably. Y'all be being realistic.
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  They're probably treated in the new supply better because that's
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  how they get people to fall for them.
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  Why would they go into a new relationship, treating them
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  badly the first day? Reach across the table and smack
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  them or throw something down, throw a drink in their face.
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  First day. I love you drink.
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  No, it doesn't work that way. They're going to treat the new
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  person better because they want them to fall for them.
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  That's how it works sometimes. Y'all, that really is how it
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  works. But anyways, y'all if y'all
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  listen to this on podcast, hit that five stars for me.
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  I was so close to like 1000 ratings on Apple podcast I
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  didn't even realize that it is wild.
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  Thank you all so much for leaving the positive reviews on
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  Apple Apple podcast and whatnot. Y'all I'm truly appreciative.
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  Every single one of y'all super thankful for you and I'm out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
• 11:04
  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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• 11:08
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• 11:10
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• 11:13
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• 11:15
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.