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How to Speak and Live Freely · Speak In Flow

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  Melinda Lee: Who you become is up to you, who you become ultimately becomes the life that you create. If you are unhappy or unsatisfied in your life, ask yourself, did I bring myself here? Or did the people around me? Get me here? This is an important question. Because most people may think that the conditions around us define who you are. The conditions around us make me happy or sad. The conditions around you determine whether you're going to expand into confidence, or contract into uncertainty. Oh, if my boss was nicer, I'd be different. If the government was better things will be different. If my parents or my spouse partner is nicer to me, then I'd be different. This is false. It is up to us. Even in these risky, challenging environments. It's up to you to trust that you can create a life that you want, regardless of the circumstances around you. Yes, your manager or your partner that day can be difficult. Yet Are you going to look at it as a time of doubt, of anger, or a time to stretch yourself to remain calm, cool, collected. Let's talk about John, my client. He's an incredibly smart person, already an attorney. And yet, because he was afraid of facing the judge, or jury, he kept himself small. He worked as a paralegal for years, he allowed the environment around him to determine whether you would expand or contract. Even though he knew he was meant to do more, he still kept himself small, he allowed the condition to determine who he is, how many of you are afraid of messing up, you're afraid of putting yourself out there. So you keep yourself small, you're afraid of being judged? Well, I've got good news for you, that may be surprising. Did you know that most of your fears, you wanting to contract, because of that visceral feeling of doubt, uncertainty, the racing heart, the sweaty palms, all of these visceral feelings or not even from the present moment. Most of these fears is visceral feelings are from the past, past emotions that are stored in your body, your body stores, memory, emotions, positive ones, and also not so positive ones, past moments that have created a sense of embarrassment or doubt, or shame, perhaps your mom or your dad was really hard on you, and it didn't matter what you did, you were still never going to be good enough to them. Or maybe you got teased and bullied at school, a group of friends, you didn't feel cool enough, you're excluded. That sense of I don't belong, I'm not good enough, has been stored in your body. They're trapped and emotions that your body remembers. And then when you're asked to do a high stakes presentation, something that stretches you something that makes you vulnerable, all of these passive motions get triggered up, and then they're visceral, you can't control them. And it becomes very difficult to manage. And that is exactly what happened to John. John went in and applied for the public defender position, even though he was so afraid to be you know, in front of the judge or in front of the jury. All of these emotions got stirred up. And so when he went to go in for the interview, his voice was shaking, he could barely talk. And of course, he didn't get the job. But what happened after that is then he found me, we started working together, we trace back the root causes of his fear is uncertainty. And we reduced and minimize the charge. All the limiting feelings, the limiting doubts, we minimize a neutralize a charge. And he felt freer. He felt lighter. He felt free to be who he was. And so when he went for the interview the next time it wasn't because it wasn't high stakes. It wasn't because the pressure wasn't on him. But yet despite what was happening around him, he was still able to be free still able to speak with confidence. He did not want his interview to be done. He was so excited. And then I got the text in the morning and I'm going to read exactly what John wrote to me. Hi, Melinda. Good morning, I received an offer for the deputy public defender position. Working with you made this happen. Thank you so much for your guidance and support. Thank you for sharing your light your energy with me, I am so grateful. That excited me I sent him a text with the Superman logo on it because he's truly my superhero. He's unleashed his superhero from within was an leashed. And this is what can happen for you. Public speaking is more than just writing a presentation and rehearsing it until you know it and can deliver it. Public speaking as beyond that. Public speaking is an opportunity for you to connect to deeper knowing of who you are so connected, that you're allowing the words to flow through you, despite your circumstances. You're allowing for yourself to connect to your intuition, your gut and that is only cultivated from within. And when you can connect to that you're in the flow. Remember, who you become is up to you. Who you become, ultimately becomes the life that you create.