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Conscious Male Sexuality · Why Didn't I Know?

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Why Didn't I Know podcast?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Jenny Martin.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: This episode, we're talking about conscious male sexuality.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: What do we mean by conscious male sexuality?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: An easy way to sum this up is somebody who has connected their sexual desire, their sexual urge, with an understanding that there is a spiritual source for this, not just their own personal gratification.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: If sex is reduced to just getting off and your own personal gratification, then it's largely unconscious.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: When it becomes conscious, that is when you filter the urge for sex through your heart, through an empathetic connection with your partner, and through a connection with the higher power, with the divine.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Contrary to what Christianity has become today, where sex and spirituality are somewhat at odds with each other, and that it's really just talked about in terms of more of a reproductive type of urge, what we see before the fourth century, especially in the Gospel of Philip, is sexuality, the human desire for sex, is not just a human desire.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually God, and God not being a man, God being the epitome of the merging of the masculine and feminine aspects of the divine.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that sense of wanting to be sexual, wanting to have that pleasure, is not the human person's desire alone.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually coming from the divine itself.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: But we lost that after the fourth century and when Christianity changed and it became anti-sex for the most part.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: It became sex negative.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not that way earlier on, especially when you can decode some of the alchemical teachings there, which are very much about sex in the Gospel of Philip.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was about this alchemical transformation of the soul that happens not just by some inner masculine and feminine development, which is what Carl Jung talked about, but actually it is the transformation that can happen in the people themselves, the two people, as a result of giving yourself fully to the sexual act.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, religion has completely hidden this profound transformational design of sex.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: It has led us to believe that, quote, lust is something evil and it's something wrong.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, it depends on how you're defining lust, but the idea of sexual desire actually originating from the divine itself.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: It is human beings that can engage in unconscious sex by disconnecting from the heart.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're talking about conscious male sexuality, we're talking about the idea that your heart can be connected to the moment, to what's going on.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: What do we mean by connecting to the heart?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: What we really mean is number one, having a sense of presence in the body.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And presence means mindfulness, means being completely aware of what's going on, not just in your genitals, but actually in your entire body, and also tuning into the moment of what is happening with your partner.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: So the unconscious male sexual behavior happens when you're so consumed about what's going on for you that you detach and disconnect from how your partner may be feeling and experiencing this moment.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, when I'm talking about sex, here I'm not talking about just intercourse.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So it's ideally going to include foreplay, kissing, flirting, and the foreplay not just being oral sex either.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot that people can do, and they don't have to sit and stare at each other and do eye-gazing, nothing formal like that.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's an organic sense of erotic play that can happen when you're in the moment, when you're connected to your heart.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: When you're not connected to your heart is when you're future-pacing, you're thinking about what's going to happen next, you're anticipating your own orgasm, you're worried about what your partner is thinking or judging you, or you're criticizing your partner in your head.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: All of those things, that internal dialogue, or that focus on the future, or it could be focus on the past.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You might be thinking about some previous lover that you were with, and that's what you're playing in your head while you're with your present partner.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or you may be thinking about some sexual fantasy you saw online and you're consumed in that.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: All of those different things that I just mentioned, they all go together to disconnect you from your heart.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Being present in your heart is a state of openness, it is a state of connecting viscerally with all of your five senses to the moment that's happening.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: So you are absolutely aware, not just of your cock, but you're absolutely aware of your entire body.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you're intuitively being able to sense where your partner is at emotionally, how her body is feeling.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And conversation can sometimes facilitate the moment and let each other know what feels good and what doesn't.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Certainly, especially when you don't know the person very well, that can be helpful.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: But for the most part, talking too much can actually break the sexual trance, that deeper connection, that deeper altered state that is possible.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So being very mindful in the moment, being very dropped into your body, does give you a lot of information, not just about yourself, but a lot of information about your partner.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: We do communicate almost telepathically when we're in that state of synchrony, that state of harmony, and that state of connection.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that does take a level of trust.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why this deeper spiritual connection isn't going to really happen with just a random person that you're having sex with that you hardly even know and that you really don't care that much about.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: This level of deep intuitive connection with your partner and connecting to your heart and having this sense of conscious sexuality, this happens when we actually have an emotional connection to our partner.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be, quote, head over heels in love, but to actually genuinely care about them.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: It is that caring that allows this flow of information back and forth.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And bear in mind that we are not just physical beings.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: We are not just material creatures.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: We are actually run by waves of energy.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: We have an energy field around us, and those are not just esoteric woo-woo concepts.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Those are concepts that are known in science, in physics.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: They may not be taught in most academic settings because there has been a suppression of this science.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: The implications of really understanding this science would change the way we treat disease.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: It would change a lot of things.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: So it has been suppressed.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: But this is why sex has been the key to profound transformation that's possible in human consciousness.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you have intense emotion, when you have sex that has true heart connection, passion, erotic charge, and all of that, you are engaging this energy field around yourself and around your partner.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, you're connecting parts of your body as an aspect of sex, but when you connect those parts of your body, you're also connecting your energy field.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And what is conscious male sexuality?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Conscious male sexuality is when you make the decision to only have sex out of the highest integrity, when you know that you actually give a shit about the other person rather than use them for your own pleasure to get off, that you decide to have sex not just when you want it, but when she wants it.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so it doesn't happen immediately for women.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times it needs to happen throughout the entire day rather than just springing it on your partner, the idea of having sex in the evening.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's a flirtatious energy that is flowing back and forth through the day.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a sense of you guys getting along.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we're talking about this sexual energy in the energy field, what we realize is that the predominant emotions that you're carrying towards each other, i.e.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: compassion, respect, appreciation, that is the catalyst that will allow this fire of erotic divine passion to really flow.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: But if your predominant thought towards your spouse during the day is resentment, lack of appreciation, lack of really respecting them, if any of that goes on back and forth and you might not even articulate it, you might just think it.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And because we are vibration, we aren't just physical beings.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Even though you think your thoughts are your own, they're just in your head.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: You haven't spoken about it.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: They would have no idea what you're thinking that you really look down on them.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: You have a condescending attitude towards them.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, people can unconsciously pick up on vibration of what someone feels about them.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, you can still have sex.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, is it physically possible to still have sex and hold those thoughts about someone?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, it happens all the time.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: People do it all the time, but you're never going to access the real spiritual connection, the merging with the divine, the naturally psychedelic state that can happen if you're holding some kind of grievance against your partner.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're holding some kind of judgment, like they're so lazy, or they never do enough, or whatever that is.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what I mean by conscious male sexuality.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: What I mean is that men have the opportunity to really ignite a passion, to really ignite a fireworks of energy between the two of you, if you're holding this sense of purity in your mind and emotion.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I need to clarify that word purity because purity so often gets construed with the idea of someone that doesn't have a sexual desire, that isn't excited about sex and doesn't have passion and enthusiasm about sex.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times in religious cultures, purity is seen as being somewhat celibate.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not at all what I'm talking about here.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about the purification that happens in the early alchemical teachings of Mary Magdalene and Yeshua.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the purification is cleaning up your energy field before you have sex.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are really pissed off, maybe not even towards your partner, maybe you're pissed off at something that happened at work.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: It is your job to go out, get on your running shoes, and go for a run and get that energy out of your energy field, or go on a long drive and just listen to some music and get it out of your body.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do something physical for men, physical, but not sex, to get that energy out of your body.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: The last thing you want to do is to use sex to get rid of your anger.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because neurons that wire together fire together.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And if you say, okay, I'm really feeling angry, let's have sex, which couples do all the time, but it's not ever going to let you experience the full possibility of sex.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: If the only time you get turned on is when you're angry, well, then guess what?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: It is like Pavlov's dog and the conditioning response that happens.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to be able to access an erotic charge, a state of arousal, without picking a fight with someone and without picking a fight with your partner.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that is not a very healthy way for the cells in your body to live.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: We know that anger destroys cells and causes all sorts of disease.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: So optimally, what you want to be able to do is to be sexually aroused, not from a state of being pissed off.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if you use sex to channel that feeling of anger, and maybe you haven't argued with your spouse, but you're still going to use the release to get rid of your anger, what you've done is you've just fucked anger into your spouse.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And even though you don't notice they're angry as a result of the having sex with you, that resentment is going to build up in their body.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: That anger is going to build up because these are force fields, these are energy fields.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if you put that energy into her through sex, it's going to metastasize in her body and she's going to start resenting you, or something is going to happen because that energy is just going to sit there and it's going to play in her thoughts and mind and probably be directed towards you.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't want to pass on the toxic energy through sex to your partner unless you want to be the brunt of that anger right back at you.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: What you want to do is be a conscious agent of your own spiritual evolution, which means you check yourself before you're going to engage sexually with anyone.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you ask yourself, what is my predominant feeling right now?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if it is some kind of pent-up anger towards someone or hatred or resentment, then it's your responsibility to get rid of that.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the primary way is to work out, to actually move your body, exhaust yourself in the gym, sweat, and get that energy out.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because the act of exercising will shift the energy in your body.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you get endorphins, yes, you get feel-good chemicals, but there is also a shift in your energy field.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you will come back unless you keep dwelling on whatever is making you upset.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Your thoughts do have a role to play in this.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: You do need to check your thoughts and just not let the same thoughts keep looping in your mind.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times, anxiety and worry have directly to do with what thoughts we keep allowing to be played in our mind.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: So we do need to check our thoughts and consciously choose to think something different, to actually think of what if something did work out instead of something failed, and to allow ourselves to ponder the optimal outcome rather than the worst outcome.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: So it's our thoughts that we are responsible for as a spiritual being.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: And secondly, it's the energy in our body that we're carrying around, to shed that energy and let go of that energy before we engage physically, sexually with our partner.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: And the possibility that exists for you as a man, as a person who is engaging sexually with your partner, this is where the spiritual aspect of this comes in because we have a capacity to enter psychedelic realms during sex without any drugs.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: We have DMT in our brain and body.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: There have been researchers that have looked at the fact that in our gut there is the precursors for DMT, and that it's also in our brain and in our lungs and so forth.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've ever heard of the concept of kundalini, that energy that is coiled at the bottom of our spine that rises during experiences of spiritual awakening, during enlightenment experiences.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is what the act of sex, when it's connected with our heart, can give us that experience.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Kundalini can be related to this concept of the psychedelics that are in our gut area.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: And during the act, especially of intercourse, there's the potential of this raising to our pineal gland and us activating a new spiritual perception.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that type of sex happens when you have allowed this energy between the two of you to simmer over an extended period of time, taking an entire evening together, when we're talking about these realms of the spiritual, the mystical, the energy field.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: There needs to be a length of time, an expanse of time that allows this energy to build between the two of you.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that happens when there is extended foreplay and there's a sense of novelty where you're not always doing the expected in that moment.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: This type of sexual experience happens when we take things slower to begin with.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not that the entire sexual act is slow and soft.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: It starts that way just to build the excitement and just to build the connection between the two of you for that moment.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: But later on, as the excitement builds, as the arousal builds, especially within her, then by the time you do get to intercourse, number one, she is craving you inside her.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that is how the female body is built.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: If there is enough foreplay, getting that energy feel to build between the two of you, by the time intercourse does.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Happen, it's her that is actually asking for that to happen because she really desires it.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now, bear in mind that the woman that craves you inside of her, she can start off this whole sexual encounter, even not that interested in sex, because that's how the female body can operate.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: It can operate with this sense of, I'm not even tuned into my sexual desire right now.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: But as the gentle play, as the kisses, as the erotic massage, as all of that flirtation and fun and teasing happen, then that energy and that desire starts to awaken within her.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: And also building the energy through giving oral sex or receiving oral sex, all of that, by the time it gets to intercourse, there can be, if you've given your partner the ample time to actually become embodied, to realize that there is this arousal there.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: By the time intercourse happens, she is craving you inside her.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've never had that experience of a woman wanting that, it is a totally different experience than by the time you get to intercourse, you're asking permission.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Can I do this?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or you're just doing it, not even asking permission.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: To be inside a woman and she's only half interested is a completely different experience for a man than you're inside a woman and she is so excited.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like she is so in a trance state by that point.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: There is a neural entrainment that happens between her brainwaves and your brain waves, and it will pull you into a trance state, too.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: So focusing on her, it may sound like, oh, I have to just forget about my own desires.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's not really the case.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: When you look at it this way, if she is that excited by the time you get to intercourse, then she's going to be in such a profound state of bliss, even before orgasm, that you are going to pick up that her energy field starts merging with your energy field.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when things become totally psychedelic.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's even before the orgasm happens.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when orgasm happens, and hopefully it doesn't happen right away, hopefully you are taking time, and I don't mean just going slow during intercourse.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: There needs to be some sense of variation.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: It can't just be some kind of jackhammer type of move, because that will completely take any woman out of the trance state, or even pain, give her pain.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: So there needs to be a variation of the movement.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, a woman can certainly be on top and she can drive the movement too.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: That can give her an opportunity to go as deep or as fast or slow as her body feels like it's wanting.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: But if you are in, as the man, if you are in your body and you are present and you've let your mind calm, so there's a suspension of thoughts, that's really where you want to get to.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing roaming around in your head.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're completely present in that complete state of presence.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: You will have the sense of what her body needs in that moment during intercourse.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: You will intuit that, okay, she's kind of getting disengaged because I've been going fast too long.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm telling you now isn't things that you would logically analyze.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's just ways your body is going to receive information and just intuitively, instinctively know how to alter your behavior during intercourse to maximize the pleasure for both of you.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: So you will, for instance, notice that there's she's wanting something else.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you will start to slow down the motion and maybe go shallow, almost pull out, or maybe fully pull out, and then go back in slowly and play with that level of depth and pace for a while until you can feel like this is the spiritual practice.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: You start to notice what the energy field around both of you is doing and how it's building, it's building, and it's building.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when you feel that building, that's when you can go back deeper and faster.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: But again, you don't want the jackhammer where it's just continuous, certain level of pressure and depth and speed ongoing.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, that lack of spontaneity, what it does to her brain is it causes her to tune out.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: And she might start thinking about something else.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: And at that point, you're just having sex with yourself because she's gone.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: She's disassociated from the moment.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: So to keep that engagement, to keep that sexual trance going, what you really need to do is to be so present.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't be present if you're fantasizing about someone else.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can't be present if you're worried about your job.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: You can't be present if you're criticizing yourself or criticizing her.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, need to be able to look through the eyes of spirit, to look at our partner, let go of any past frustrations of her that we've had, look at ourselves from the perspective of spirit, not see ourselves as inadequate or maybe not as good as her past lovers or whatever.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: So there's nothing like the act of sex when done as a conscious male, as a conscious person, really, that gives us the opportunity to take this lofty concept we always hear about that I'm a spiritual being having a human experience.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what does that mean when we're experiencing the act of sex through that lens?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: It means everything.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: It means I'm not just gonna go to taking from her body.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not just gonna go and focus on the outcome of getting a high physically.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna approach this from a soul perspective, from a perspective of spirit.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the nice thing is, because the divine, because our creator gave us sex, not just as a reproductive thing, not just as a momentary feel-good experience, but it gave us sex to evolve our consciousness, to evolve our souls.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that that can seem really bizarre to someone who has never heard that, but that's what alchemy was about.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Alchemy was about the transformation of human consciousness and higher energy field through bringing consciousness to sexuality.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's what alchemy was all about.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll leave you with those concepts for now.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to find out more about my work, you can go to drjenymartin.com.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Please rate and review this episode.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you so much for joining me.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Bye bye for now.