Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S1 Ep17: 13 Minutes of Laughs 🤣

Transcript

S1 Ep17: 13 Minutes of Laughs 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Who ever been beat out of their sleep?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: I changed all my grades.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: I went from an E to B's.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I had got away with craving.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: They let me loose for four days.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: One day my dad came home, I was asleep.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I was dreaming.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Who?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Whop whop.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Whop whop woh.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then I got an email to my brain.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Mayday, mayday, mayday.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: This is not a drill.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: This is not a drill.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: You have just been hit 13 times with an extension cord.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Your pain will start in three, two, one.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: So let me tell you something right now.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: When kids get a certain age, when they reach that teenage, like 14 years old, oh, you ain't the parent no more when they're 14.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: You just the person paying the mortgage.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to shut the fuck up.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's who you are.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: My son, let me tell you something.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: He started smelling himself at 14.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Started getting a little bit of calls, you know.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm a short daddy.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: But don't, that's all right.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know my history.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: So he's getting a little smelling himself a little bit.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: A good-looking kid kind of ripped up.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: I started getting calls from a bunch of little girls.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: I said, uh, Jay, you might want to calm down on those calls.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Daddy, I got this.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: I said, all right.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: You can call, you just get you a friend and just let that be.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Nah, dad, I want them all.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Who am I?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, daddy, who are you?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: You a broke nigga living in my house.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Who are you?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: I say, what you need to do, you get too many calls now.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: You need to settle down.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: I got this, daddy.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: I got this.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: I got this.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: I said, okay, you're gonna mess around with one of them little girls, gonna hurt your feelings.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: I said, okay.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Wasn't even two weeks.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm watching he SPN.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: He's gonna walk in the house, he can hear the door slam.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Boom! Daddy, Daddy.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know what was gonna say.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Daddy, where's your phone?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: I got my phone right here.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Where's your phone?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's right here.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with it?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: I said, well, why can't you use it?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because she won't pick up.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: I like who won't pick up.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Her daddy, her.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Who is hurt?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: One of them little girls don't hurt your feelings.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Not right now.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: Not right now, Daddy.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Daddy, call her.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Call her.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: I said, call her who?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right, daddy, call her.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Call her.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I said, what do you want me to tell her?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Tell her I love her.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: When'd you find this out?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just now.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Daddy call her.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't got long to live.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: So as he got older, I kept on using it on him.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Every time he would show off in front of somebody, I'd go, call her.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Dad, I wish I wouldn't have told you.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Yeah, your mama said she wish you wasn't born.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: So we even.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: When he was crying, I said, You act just like your mama.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you something.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: We have a line problem.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: We have a problem with we have a delay in our thought process.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: At least one second.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's how we get caught in our shit.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's why your woman coming to you with a phone number.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Who is Sharonda?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Huh?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's when you call.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as you say, huh?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: She done caught you off guard and you don't know how to react.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Women think too quick.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: You can't catch them off guard.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: You can ask them the same question, get a whole different reaction.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I found it.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: Who is Reggie?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know who Reggie is.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: He the one gonna bring over all that meat.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: He's gonna bring over all that meat.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: All that meat.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: What from the store?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: You said it.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Fellas, your woman.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Let's keep it real.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: Your woman could be playing around on you with another man.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: He could call her up in front of you and you don't never know it.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because you are stupid.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: And this is how that phone call will call.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Ring hello.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, baby, how you doing?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Girl, what you doing?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: You must be right there with your man.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: He's right here.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's Shalika.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: And he's so stupid.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, say hello.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Dude on the phone tell her what's up.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, y'all.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just telling the truth.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta say this too, because these are some of the things that that that bothered me when we start talking about men and women.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Just like, okay, don't call me African American no more.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm so sick of that right now.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Contrary to popular belief, I have to say it.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Most Africans don't even like American blacks.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're in here, take this back to the tribe, damn it.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: They think they're smarter than us.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: They think that we are beneath them.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: They always try to tell our women in the United States that they're a prince or a king back in their country.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, shut the hell up.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: You live on One Hut Avenue.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Don't nobody care if your giraffe rolls on dubs.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: But you ever notice when you listen to African music, it gets in your soul.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: You start to hear the drums, you can't help but start moving.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: But there's always like four or five of them always singing.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And the lead singer comes out that little stupid smile on his face.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Then the dude right next to him.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then the one right next to him.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: Then you always got this one you never see him.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: He'd be way off in the distance somewhere.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: The one with the high voice, and all you hear, uno yeah, you know, I noticed some Africans in here.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: They're gonna walk right past me.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Order that is true, but you would never say it again.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: I've been going too too long.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because I went to an area, a town out here.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't have no business being over there.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't used to this no more.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: My navigational system tricked me.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's what happened.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was looking for this restaurant, everybody was talking about.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: It did exactly what the navigational system said do.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: At the exit, turn right and then turn left.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: And your destination will be on your left.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Went under this underpass and it started getting dark behind my car.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: I said, wait a minute, it's 12 in the afternoon.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Why is it getting dark behind the car?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: And the place was called the Deuster.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know what I'm talking about, goddammit.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Deister.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, all the ones that know about it, you need to drop a bomb in that bitch.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: I turned the corner, I was like, shit.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: My navigation, oh my god!
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Recalculating, recalculating.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Turn around, get out of here.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: You do not belong here.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: They are chasing you.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Ask my Caucasian family something since you're here.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: In the world of technology, in the world of electronics, in the world of navigational systems, why does everything that we have that's deals with a computer have to be have to be activated with a Caucasian voice?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 8:04
  unknown: Why?
• 8:05
  unknown: Why?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: At the exit, turn right.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just so sick of that bullshit.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: One day I want a white person to go to Walmart, buy a navigational system, turn it on, and it sounds like a straight ghetto ass.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Motherfucker, turn him.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: No, this ain't the place, goddammit.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Man, back the fucker.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: You about a dumb motherfucker.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: Cut me the hell off.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: Never mind, click.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: I did it my damn self.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, wait, I bet you that navigation system couldn't sound like no black woman, though.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, this the place right here.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-mm.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: This where the bitch live, huh?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: This where the bitch live, huh?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: This where the bitch live, huh?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: This where the bitch live, huh?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: This where the bitch live, huh?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: This where the bitch live, huh?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: This where the bitch live, huh?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: This where the bitch live, huh?
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Truck running over here.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Wait.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: I just thought it was up.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, wait, wait.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine if you had a girl in the car that ain't your main girl.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: And you getting ready to go do some dirty and both y'all in the car and the door just locked.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Click, click.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Did you lock the door?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, I ain't locked shit.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: No, that was me.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Who said that?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Me, Navetta, Navetta.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: You ain't the regular bitch, is you?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Hold on a moment.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: What's she doing?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, we calling a real bitch.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: We gonna sit here until she comes.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: She be like a hell no.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Click uh-uh, bitch, click.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Click, uh-uh, click.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just keep it real.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: There's still a whole lot of changes that need to occur up here in Boston.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: First change, they need to put more streetlights on 95.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: That don't make no damn sense.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all got a highway that damn dark with black people on it.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: That ain't right.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And y'all got some country ass highway patrol out here.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't think in Boston you would have that.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: But y'all got country highway patrol.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna tell you how I know, because this don't never happen to white people, only blacks.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Anytime a cop comes past us, black people, what do we do?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Look in the rearview mirror to see if they're gonna turn around.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: White people just wave at them.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Hey! My God, they're protecting us.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Black people like, damn, here that motherfucker come.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm driving down 95.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going the opposite way as the cop.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm in a nice car, but we ain't got no business with each other.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: All we did was make eye contact.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: I looked at him, he looked at me, he's like, oh yeah, oh yeah.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Then he's gonna turn on the siren.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: This is why I knew it was about to be some shit in the game.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: He turns on the siren.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is exactly how it sounded.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, is he playing with the siren?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then you can hear him pull it over.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: Hell no.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: About to follow me to the airport.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was not pulling over on that dark ass road.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, hold on, this is gonna get worse.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: So then there was this exit.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Parked off.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know what the, you know, there was a gas station off the exit.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know the name of the gas station, but it was brightly lit, so I'm thinking I'm gonna be a little safe.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: I can pull over, I can get out the car, talk a little shit.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody got a camera phone in case the police want to get off.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: And we alright.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: I turned it, that bitch was closed.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, nope.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: I got right back on the highway.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: I said, that wasn't my stop, that wasn't my stop.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: And you can hear the cop getting mad.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Pull it over.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: No!
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: But then I started thinking, I don't want him to shoot me.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I pulled over on that dark-ass road.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Lord, don't let I just want to get to the hotel.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Don't let just be no big red-necked white boy getting out the car, Lord.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, God wasn't listening to me.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: He got out of the car and I saw a big old black cowboy boot get out.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: I said, No, that's where it starts, Jesus.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Then he's gonna tilt his little smokey the bear hat like that.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Then he started walking to my car like Marshall Dillon.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: Who in the hell walk like that anymore?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all can't make me laugh.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all can't, we ain't gonna get through this.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyway, so wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, so I said, I gotta get out of this.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta think.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'll talk like a black man.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Not a and perhaps he'll allow me to leave.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: He came into my window, rolled down the window, said, Good evening, sir.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: He looked at me, he said, dude.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Oh shit, here we go.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Then he started speaking a language I couldn't understand.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Look at it by the quarter mouth of the hair, I know you see my life song.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, what'd you just say?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: By the quarter mom, how the hair, I know you see my life song.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, okay, don't shoot me, okay?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh uh give me a syllable.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to understand.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you can hear him getting agitated.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: By the quarter mom, how to hair?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: I know you see my life song.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know what to say, so