Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why do narcissists take you for GRANTED

Transcript

Why do narcissists take you for GRANTED · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Today we're talking about Why do narcissists take you for granted
• 0:08
  if you're new here? My name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:10
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
• 0:13
  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:31
  So welcome back, welcome back. Welcome back to my new studio.
• 0:34
  I'm actually sitting outside my therapist office right now.
• 0:38
  First therapy appointment of 2024.
• 0:41
  So wish me luck. First therapy appointment.
• 0:44
  Y'all. But yeah, y'all.
• 0:46
  Why do narcissist take you, Narcissist take you for granted?
• 0:52
  Because most of them do. Y'all.
• 0:53
  Most, if not all narcissist take you for granted.
• 0:56
  Y'all know, I don't, Especially on this channel right here.
• 0:58
  I don't like speaking in absolutes.
• 1:00
  So I'm not going to say that every narcissistic person takes
• 1:03
  you for granted because I don't have irrefutable proof that
• 1:06
  that's true. But I, you know, I challenge you
• 1:10
  to present the narcissist that hasn't taken you for granted.
• 1:13
  You know, I challenge the, the, the naysayers out there to
• 1:17
  present to me a narcissist that has not taken someone for
• 1:21
  granted in their life that they shouldn't take for granted.
• 1:25
  Like even me, myself. I've taken my wife for granted.
• 1:28
  I've taken my oldest son's mom for granted.
• 1:30
  I've taken a lot of people in my life for granted and whatnot,
• 1:34
  and that's me openly admitting that because I know I have.
• 1:38
  So I'm just, like I say again, a lot of.
• 1:41
  But in my mind, the reason that I took these people for granted,
• 1:46
  which could be also the reason that the narcissistic person in
• 1:48
  your life took you for granted, is because a lot of people,
• 1:52
  yeah, there's a couple reasons. The first reason is that they
• 1:56
  don't think you're going to leave.
• 1:59
  Let's keep it. I'm going to keep it realistic,
• 2:01
  100% realistic with you. A lot of narcissists treat you
• 2:05
  the way that they treat you because they always think that
• 2:08
  you're going to be there. They always think that no matter
• 2:12
  what happens, nobody, because they've committed so much time,
• 2:15
  effort, energy into you, they've invested so much into you.
• 2:18
  They don't think you're going to leave.
• 2:20
  They don't think that you like there's they don't think that
• 2:23
  there's anything else that you can do.
• 2:26
  They're better than them. They think that y'all are soul
• 2:29
  mates, twin flames, matching star signs, whatever you want to
• 2:33
  say. They just think that you've put
• 2:35
  up with enough to the point that you're not going to leave them.
• 2:38
  Especially if you if this has been on and off you.
• 2:42
  They've done something horrible to you.
• 2:44
  You've broken up with them and y'all have gotten back together.
• 2:46
  They absolutely don't think that you're ever going to leave them
• 2:49
  alone. They don't think you possess the
• 2:51
  power to leave them alone. So yeah, they take you for
• 2:53
  granted. They keep doing the same
• 2:55
  behaviors over and over again. Like Lee, why do they keep doing
• 2:57
  the same behaviors? Why don't they just stop and be
• 3:00
  nice for once? Why don't they do this?
• 3:01
  Why don't they do that? Yeah, because a lot of
• 3:04
  narcissistic people don't think that you like they did.
• 3:06
  They're absolutely going to continuously take you for
• 3:09
  granted because they don't think you're going to leave them, you
• 3:13
  know, they don't think that like you've all, you've already
• 3:16
  forgiven me for so much. Yeah, I still do my one on Ones
• 3:20
  over zoom and whatnot available at mentalillness.net.
• 3:23
  I still do my one on ones over zoom.
• 3:25
  But it's like when you think about it, like I said, when you
• 3:27
  dealing with a narcissistic person, it's like they do this
• 3:32
  stuff right. And like I've talked to so many
• 3:35
  people over zoom and whatnot and do my phone calls and whatnot.
• 3:39
  Is that people in this dynamic within this mindset think that
• 3:46
  how do I say this? They have done everything to
• 3:51
  you. They feel like they've done
• 3:52
  everything to you and they've somewhat gotten away with it, so
• 3:56
  to speak, like you've taken them back.
• 3:57
  You've forgiven them for everything like lying, cheating,
• 4:03
  financial abuse, physical abuse, like every type of every type of
• 4:08
  abuse that's out there. They've done it and they've
• 4:10
  gotten away with it. So it's just like you've
• 4:13
  forgiven me for this much stuff. Why would I?
• 4:16
  You see what I'm saying they they you've forgiven me for all
• 4:18
  of this. So I feel like I can keep doing
• 4:20
  it. Why?
• 4:21
  Why would I change these behaviours up?
• 4:23
  I know why you as a as a non narcissistic person, I
• 4:29
  understand why you would think they would change their
• 4:31
  behaviours up. But in the mind of a narcissist
• 4:34
  it's like why would I change these behaviours up that are
• 4:39
  serving me in more ways than one?
• 4:42
  Why would I change these behaviors up that are giving
• 4:45
  getting me what I want in more ways than one?
• 4:47
  Why would I do that? You see what I'm saying?
• 4:49
  Why would I put myself in this predicament where it empowers
• 4:52
  you and takes power away from me?
• 4:55
  That's the mindset of a lot of narcissists.
• 4:57
  Y'all. I know a lot of people don't
• 4:58
  want to hear that, but like, that's it right there.
• 5:01
  They don't want to change their behaviors because they think
• 5:03
  you're going to like they're going to take you for granted.
• 5:05
  And they do. They know that they do.
• 5:07
  They look, do they know they're taking you for granted.
• 5:09
  A lot of them do know y'all. A lot of them know these
• 5:11
  behaviors are not acceptable. Because the simplest thing you
• 5:15
  you know how I know a lot of them know that their behaviors
• 5:18
  are not acceptable. Ask them, Would you forgive me
• 5:22
  for cheating on you? Would you forgive me for hitting
• 5:24
  you? Would you forgive me for taking
• 5:26
  money from you? Would you give forgive?
• 5:28
  Ask them Would they forgive you or in your mind that you know
• 5:31
  them, Ask yourself, would they forgive you for doing the same
• 5:34
  thing? No.
• 5:36
  So they know these behaviors or in these traits are
• 5:39
  unacceptable, but they just do. They just do it anyway.
• 5:42
  And they, some of them don't realize that they're taking you
• 5:44
  for granted, you know? Are there some?
• 5:46
  They realize that, yes, there's a, there's a handful of
• 5:48
  narcissistic people, you know, they've realized that they are
• 5:51
  taking you for granted, but a lot of them don't realize that
• 5:53
  they're just going through the motions of life.
• 5:55
  This is what serves me. I'm going to, I'm going to
• 5:57
  continue to do the behaviors that serve me the most, the
• 6:01
  behaviors that serve me the best.
• 6:03
  So they're going to continue to do that type of stuff because
• 6:05
  these behaviors are benefiting them in some way, shape or form.
• 6:09
  But I'll say this as well. Another reason that narcissists
• 6:12
  seemingly take you for granted is because some of them don't
• 6:14
  realize it. Yeah, some of them like, said
• 6:17
  all they're narcissist that don't know what they are doing.
• 6:21
  Yes, I do. So this is my belief right here.
• 6:24
  I believe that a lot of narcissists know their
• 6:26
  behaviors, know their behaviors are bad, and still do them
• 6:30
  anyway. But there are a few narcissists,
• 6:33
  quite a few narcissistic people out there that don't realize
• 6:37
  that their behaviors are toxic as hell and bad.
• 6:39
  Like, they're just super erratic, impulsive people that
• 6:43
  just do the first thing that pops into their head.
• 6:46
  You know, they have these uncontrollable ticks where
• 6:49
  they're keep doing the same things over and over again.
• 6:51
  So it's not intentional that they take you for granted, but
• 6:53
  they still take you for granted, you know?
• 6:56
  And it. Yeah, I feel like I need to say
• 6:58
  this, this is not me telling you that the narcissist in your life
• 7:03
  doesn't know what they're doing, so you should go back to them.
• 7:06
  That's not what I'm saying. Don't take it that way.
• 7:09
  I'm not saying that. Oh, Lee just said the narcissist
• 7:12
  in my life doesn't know what they're doing.
• 7:14
  They're just super impulsive. So maybe I can take them back.
• 7:16
  That's not what the hell Lee saying.
• 7:18
  Don't put the word, don't put those words in my mouth.
• 7:22
  The words that are coming out of my mouth, I'm enunciating right
• 7:25
  now is this, are these are these words right here?
• 7:30
  Don't take them back if the behaviors are not acceptable.
• 7:33
  You see what I'm saying? Whether or not they know what
• 7:36
  they're doing, they're still taking you for granted.
• 7:39
  Whether or not they know what they're doing, they're still
• 7:41
  treating you badly. You know what I mean?
• 7:43
  Like the impulsivity is not an excuse to treat you horribly and
• 7:47
  for you to tolerate it. Oh, they're just impulsive.
• 7:49
  No. Yeah, they're impulsive.
• 7:50
  But God damn it. Like, does that mean you have to
• 7:52
  stay through it? And I said GAT GATI.
• 7:54
  See, people get my conversation. Like, did you just change the
• 7:56
  Lord's name in vain? Oh, my boy.
• 7:58
  Yeah, I'll be blowing my mind, boy.
• 8:00
  I'll be blowing my mind with this.
• 8:02
  I'm not going to go on a religious rant, but yeah, that's
• 8:07
  the Dang. That's the Dang right there.
• 8:08
  Y'all. So a lot of narcissistic people
• 8:10
  are super impulsive, but that doesn't, that doesn't excuse
• 8:13
  their behaviors, you know? But they will continue to do the
• 8:16
  behaviors that serve them unless they go get some serious help
• 8:21
  that they are committed to doing some help that they are
• 8:24
  committed to following through with.
• 8:26
  You see what I'm saying? Some help that they are just on
• 8:29
  a continuous basis. They're going to keep doing
• 8:32
  whether or not you stay or go. Like that's the only help that
• 8:36
  works. Whether or not you stay or go,
• 8:37
  the the, the help is going to continue.
• 8:40
  Like they're going to continue to go to therapy.
• 8:43
  They're going to continue to go to counselling and whatnot.
• 8:45
  You know. But a lot of narcissists, like
• 8:47
  I'll say this to y'all don't fall for the, the, oh, oh, I
• 8:51
  knew I took you for granted. I you don't, you don't really
• 8:54
  know what you have until you lose it.
• 8:56
  Because when they lose you, they'll tell you that they took
• 8:58
  you for granted. And does that mean that the
• 9:01
  behaviors are going to change long term if you go back?
• 9:04
  No, Typically that means the behaviors are going to get worse
• 9:06
  because they said they tell, yeah, listen to the words.
• 9:09
  If they say I took you for granted, that's letting you know
• 9:13
  that they treat, that's letting you know that they acknowledge
• 9:15
  the bad behaviors. So why would you go back into
• 9:18
  that without any type of alterations of those bad
• 9:21
  behaviors? Just because they acknowledge
• 9:24
  their own doings does not mean that they should you should take
• 9:27
  them back or it doesn't even mean that you can forget you
• 9:29
  should forgive them, yo. Forgiveness is revocable.
• 9:34
  You can forgive somebody and take it back.
• 9:36
  You can accept an apology and then retract that acceptance of
• 9:40
  that apology. Because if the behaviors don't
• 9:43
  follow through, don't follow up, then you don't have to accept
• 9:46
  that. Those apologies, y'all.
• 9:47
  You don't have to do it. You don't have to do that.
• 9:50
  You know, you don't have to accept those.
• 9:52
  You don't have to tolerate these toxic behaviors and whatnot.
• 9:57
  Because do you want, like I said, do you want to spend your
• 9:59
  life, the entirety of your life, being taken for granted?
• 10:03
  Do you like I said, because that's that's that's one of the
• 10:05
  biggest regrets that a lot of people have.
• 10:08
  Y'all I spent X amount of years being taken for granted.
• 10:13
  You know, I spent a decade being taken for granted, 2-3 decades
• 10:17
  being taken for granted. And life is finite.
• 10:20
  You don't get that time back. You don't get that time back.
• 10:24
  And people, like I said, I didn't realize that they'll
• 10:26
  they'll use you, abuse you, and didn't get rid of you, and then
• 10:31
  you'll be like I said, they'll discard you viciously.
• 10:33
  They'll try to, they'll try to intentionally, intentionally
• 10:37
  leave you broken. So some of them, if they can
• 10:40
  acknowledge that they taking you for granted, that means that
• 10:43
  they acknowledge the bad behaviors.
• 10:44
  But that does not mean the behaviors are going to change.
• 10:48
  A lot of narcissists talks to people.
• 10:50
  Whatever will say whatever they need to say to get back into
• 10:53
  your good graces. They'll say whatever, they'll do
• 10:55
  whatever they feel like they need to do in order to get you
• 10:58
  back in their life. That does not mean that the
• 10:59
  behaviour is going to be, you know, changed for an extended
• 11:02
  period of time. These behaviour can be just as
• 11:05
  bad for a long ass period of time.
• 11:06
  Y'all, you know what I mean. But thank you all for tuning in.
• 11:10
  Y'all. It's almost time for my therapy
• 11:12
  appointment. Got some workshops in person?
• 11:15
  Workshops coming up here pretty soon.
• 11:17
  Y'all. I have one.
• 11:18
  I'm scheduling. I'm one I'm scheduling for
• 11:19
  Durham, NC and then doing Dallas or Houston, TX at the end of
• 11:24
  February 2024. So you want more information?
• 11:28
  Make sure you subscribe to my newsletter.
• 11:31
  The link is in the description of every video and podcast that
• 11:33
  I do. Make sure that I see you listen
• 11:35
  to this, listening to this on Apple Music on Spotify.
• 11:37
  Hit that five stars for me. Y'all.
• 11:38
  I truly appreciate it. And y'all Oh my goodness, I
• 11:41
  meant to say this the other day. Thank y'all so much for leaving
• 11:44
  the reviews, the positive reviews on the podcast.
• 11:47
  I look. I searched top podcasts about
• 11:50
  narcissists the other day. I like top podcasts about
• 11:52
  narcissists. Guess who number one is?
• 11:56
  Guess who? The number one podcast in the
• 11:59
  like y'all in the world about narcissists.
• 12:01
  This I'll give you one guess. You give one guess.
• 12:06
  Thank y'all so damn much. Like seriously thank y'all so
• 12:12
  much. It means y'all.
• 12:13
  I don't think I'll understand how much that meant to me.
• 12:16
  When I saw that pop up, I was like, Oh my goodness, number one
• 12:20
  in the world. The number one podcast about
• 12:23
  narcissists is the Narcissist Code.
• 12:25
  So I'm super thankful for y'all. I truly appreciate every single
• 12:28
  like literally every single one of y'all that is commented,
• 12:31
  liked, subscribed. Whatever you've done, I truly
• 12:35
  appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 12:37
  I really really do thank y'all for tuning in.
• 12:38
  Make sure y'all subscribe, but doing this is out peace.
• 12:42
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 12:44
  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 12:47
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 12:49
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 12:51
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 12:53
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 12:57
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 12:59
  fault on Amazon so check that out.
• 13:01
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 13:02
  video. Peace.