Latest / Recovery Chronicles / Recovery Chronicles Ep. 164 - Bill

Transcript

Recovery Chronicles Ep. 164 - Bill · Recovery Chronicles

0:02
Welcome to the Recovery Chronicles, where we dive deep into the inspiring journeys of
0:06
individuals who have triumphed over adversity and found healing and resilience on the path to
0:12
recovery from drunks and alcohol. We'll sit down with people who have embrace changed
0:16
and emerge stronger than ever. Get ready to be uplifted, motivated, and
0:21
empowered as we embark on a journey of healing, growth, and possibility.
0:28
Welcome back everyone to the Recovery Chronicles. Today, we have Bill here to
0:32
share his story with us. Thank you for coming today, Thank you for
0:36
having me absolutely so, how what is your drug of choice and how long
0:40
have you been sober? My drug a choice would probably be all of them,
0:44
but meth and marijuana and alcohol. Okay, I've been sober for two
0:50
and a half years. Good for you, that's awesome. So take us
0:54
back to how old are you when you started using? What did that look
0:57
like? So I was out in the fourth grade. I started out drinking
1:02
beer and just the first time I drank just kind of stole my dad's what
1:07
was left of my dad's Miller pounders out of the fridge and went and started
1:17
doing some vandalism VANDAI, throwing a got drunk, threw the empties over the
1:23
neighbor's fence, and got on my pedal bike with cart and eggs and proceeded
1:27
to start my criminal career. Okay, seemed like a good idea at the
1:32
time. How did you feel that first time that you took your dad's beer?
1:38
Well, it was more of a feeling of at the time, it
1:45
just seemed like a good idea. Looking back, it was a feeling of
1:49
probably trying to just be accepted, sure, you know, or just acting
1:53
out a little bit. So what did your use look like after that?
1:59
My use at that pretty much the same, just drinking, stealing parents,
2:06
booze every now and again, got into some after that, I went to
2:14
a Catholic school and then I started found some weed, came across a good
2:22
amount of weed and started selling it at school, and that just got me
2:25
accepted by my peers. Sure type of thing. Was always kind of a
2:29
social outcast, if you will. Sure when did the maths start? The
2:34
myths started? I would say in high school. I went from I think
2:38
I bought maybe like a quarter gram and then Graham and maybe a couple just
2:47
did. Like the first couple of times were very small amounts that I bought,
2:53
and then it instantly went into selling it sure like large quantities. Sure
2:57
some of that social acceptance again or supporting your habit. It started out to
3:04
be supporting my habit. I started out really selling the weed, and Carrie
3:07
continued that on from like junior high, got into high school and really could
3:16
sell a lot of weed. So I was always accepted and you know,
3:21
people would reach out to me. I was probably I would say my junior
3:29
year with my sophomore and junior year is where I started getting into the meth.
3:34
And my junior year is where I really started selling cocaine and meth by
3:43
large quantities. Probably get it Like, I went from getting you know,
3:47
probably selling ten pounds a wead a week to selling a kilo of cocaine a
3:53
week. Sure, you know, did you graduate high school? I did?
3:58
Okay, What did your life look like after high school? So the
4:05
whole time I had just I was an IVY user. I had in my
4:11
mind that I was very sick and twisted in the head. I had control
4:17
problems, lack of spirituality. So as soon as I graduated, my dad
4:27
pretty much sent me out on custom harvesting. So I went down south and
4:31
started out in Texas, Okay, and just combining and harvesting for farmers,
4:38
and then we worked our way back up north, and that kind of looked
4:41
like I was away from the meth. But that's when the alcohol started in
4:46
heavy. Sure. I started, you know, I was eighteen. They
4:49
would let us in the bars, you know, and I started partying,
4:54
going to parties with people I didn't wantn't know, and waking up places I
4:58
just had no clue how I even got there, and I had to work.
5:00
And that's so the just the switching addictions really started in there. I
5:09
got two, I got back up to North Dakota. I was probably questioned
5:15
by cops in other states on the way back up here. We started out
5:19
in May down there, and then I was probably questioned by different state law
5:26
enforcements probably two or three times in that time, you know, just for
5:30
fighting or whatever kind of stupid stuff I was doing. And then right when
5:34
I got back, I did kind of picked up where I left off.
5:42
This time I started selling a meth and I did a strong arm robbery and
5:51
you know, amongst others, well, a strong arm robbery. Yeah.
5:59
So we picked a guy up out of in Fargo that I met through a
6:04
friend of mine. I just had a brand new car and I wrecked that
6:09
and got it, you know, round from the crime scene of the crime,
6:13
and I was just thought I was gonna get this quick come up.
6:15
So we go out to Fargo to meet this guy and he pulled a gun
6:18
on me and or brandished a firearm and I was like, you know,
6:24
trying to scare me a supples, And I was in my head, I
6:26
was just like, oh, yeah, you're not going to do that.
6:28
And I was just totally like living in a spot of fear of like he
6:32
was challenging my ego. Maybe sure. And then so at that point I
6:39
was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna sell some drugs for this guy and
6:41
then I'm gonna rob him. So when we got back to Bismarck, I
6:47
sold some drugs for him, and then we're over by that hotel by Scott
6:53
He's and he was staying there. I sent a guy in there and then
6:59
came back a few hours later and just kind of planned it out and told
7:02
the guys like, hey, don't tell him who I am. Don't act
7:06
like we're buddies. And when I show up, tell him you're gonna help
7:10
help him whip me, you know. So he let me in and then
7:15
yeah, I held him hostage for a few hours and robbed him and you
7:24
were caught for that. Yeah, And I was like, well, there's
7:27
no way you're gonna call the cops, right, you know, that's exactly
7:30
what he did. He called the cops and told me he was a drug
7:32
dealer, and then he just got robbed for like fifteen thousand dollars. Yeah.
7:38
So did you go to prison? Yes? I did, well,
7:44
so oddly enough, I'm sitting there. I was sitting I was sitting in
7:51
Coney Jail and just being a real uh why why is? You know?
7:58
The cops were. I just kind of told him like, hey, you
8:01
can do whatever you want. I'll be out in a year and a half.
8:03
Bigger and batterer than I ever was. I just had real eagle filled,
8:09
cocky, disrespectful. I was calling him names and I thought it was
8:13
a tough guy, gangster and all this believe stuff. You know, watch
8:16
too much TV. And while I was sitting there, I remember my dad
8:22
coming and he's like, well, I'm not I'm not gonna help you get
8:24
out of jail. I'm not going to bail you out. And I had
8:26
like a five thousand dollars bail I believe in. I was just like,
8:31
whatever, man, I don't I don't want you to. And you ask
8:35
you to come here, you know, and about an hour later, they're
8:37
like, Schneider, pack your stuff. I remember being very arrogant and being
8:43
like, yeah, I'm blowing this popsicle stand. And actually it was the
8:46
US marshals that came with a federal indictment for the coke o It and Doprah
8:52
were selling while I was in high school two years earlier. Wow. So
8:56
it was a federal indictment and they took us to Fargo. So when I
9:03
mean us, my buddy, one of my buddies, was standing there with
9:09
the US marshalls. I'm like, hey, what's going on and he's like,
9:11
oh, you don't know yet, and I'm like no, And that's
9:13
when they said, yeah, you're William Schneider. You were indicted by the
9:18
United States. Wow. Yeah. So I was like all this stuff was
9:24
kind of real heavy, you know, and I thought it was a joke.
9:28
You know, I've never been in much trouble other than vandalism and fighting
9:31
as a juvenile. So like I always had kind of like, you know,
9:37
my buddy's mom always worked in the sheriff's department. So it's kind of
9:41
like I don't even know if I ever really did community service or if it
9:46
just kind of just would disappear or whatever. Right, I think I did
9:48
a couple of times, but so I you know, I knew what I
9:52
was doing wasn't good, but I was like, there's no way they can
9:56
prove this. You know, how are you going to prove that I had
10:00
these drugs that I that you're saying I had, you know, years ago?
10:03
Yeah, yeah, So what tied me to it was Western Unions.
10:09
Okay, you know you were yeah, one for like one seventy five,
10:13
one hundred and seventy five bucks. I think the biggest one was like twelve
10:16
hundred bucks, and they weren't even really four It wasn't even four drugs.
10:20
But it's just connected, right the people that and they, you know,
10:24
had us on like hotel room videos and stuff like that. So what happened
10:30
from there? So what happened was I went to prison, Federal Central Prison.
10:35
Yeah, okay, we're at I started out in Wascata, Okay,
10:41
and it wasn't bad, but like I was scared absolutely. I was young.
10:46
And that first night there, somebody got stabbed and I was like,
10:50
what do you get stabed for? And he's like, oh, you snoring,
10:52
and I was like, oh my god, I hope it will snore.
10:54
You know. It was just one of those deals where, like,
10:58
you know, there wasn't a whole lot of stabbings or anything like that at
11:03
that particular prison. It was just that first night and I was like,
11:07
so that kind of like set the pace, and then I kind of got
11:11
settled in and got comfortable, got a couple of fights and thought I was,
11:18
you know, like about something, and then I ended up getting into
11:26
it with like a gang. Okay, well not a gang, but a
11:30
race deal. I ended up getting shipped out of there for inciting a racial
11:35
riot. Wow. Yeah, and that's really not what happened, but but
11:41
it all played out. I think I did. Like I ended up doing
11:46
like eight months in the whole well being under investigation for that, and then
11:52
they sent me to a guy on federal transit. They ended up sending me
11:56
to Florence, Colorado, and then a higher security prison. And you know,
12:03
I was a naive kid from North Dakota, so like, you know,
12:07
there were gangs at Waska, but it wasn't like it was when I
12:11
got to Florence, and I think I got there in like two thousand and
12:15
two, two thousand, yeah, two thousand and two and or the end
12:18
of it, and that was pretty wild. They had race riots and you
12:24
know, it was just a different life. Was there basically pressure to join
12:30
a gang or like what if you didn't do that, what would it look
12:33
like your life? So there wasn't really Yeah, you kind of knew like
12:41
it was very segregated, sure, you know, and you kind of got
12:45
in. You kind of just fell in in a where he fell in at
12:50
you know, and then getting shipped there from being in a racial fight or
12:54
whatever. That really kind of is that the tone? Well? Yeah,
13:03
so like and then there were people that other people that got transferred there from
13:11
Wasika, so they knew me, and it was like, oh, you
13:15
know, so I kind of got in and fell in with the wrong crowd,
13:16
the whatever crowd. I'm not gonna say wrong, but I fell in
13:20
with them kind of people, you know, white supremacy games, stuff like
13:26
that. So at any point during this federal prison stay, were you scared
13:35
straight or was it like you told that. I think you said detective or
13:39
something like that. Uh, you became bigger and better. Well, I
13:48
definitely grew up, you know, because I didn't come from the North,
13:52
I didn't hit any prisons before this, so I kind of learned respect and
13:58
learned and some humility. But I was still fearful, and I'm fearful.
14:03
I act out in violence right and anger. So it was a deal where
14:13
I would say, you know, being in a in the middle of a
14:22
race riot, you know, or being in a riot period is pretty pretty
14:26
wild. And I never experienced anything like that my life, where like,
14:31
you know, you put magazines around your waist and you know, you put
14:35
a hoodie up up and you just you know, it was yeah, scary.
14:41
Yeah. And then there was like times getting like there would be something
14:46
that kicked off on the yard and it might not even be with the white
14:50
race and you know, Mexican and black or whatever, and that was it
14:56
was wild. Like I was here as a metal detectors going off and then
15:00
like and then I got caught out a couple of times out in Scoria,
15:03
and they how tie you until they do a game profile on you to make
15:07
sure you weren't part of it or stuff like that. Just got to a
15:09
point where like being from North Dakota, maybe sometimes we're naive and we're like
15:16
absolutely yeah like that. It's like it went from that to being like,
15:22
I'm just not going to live my life like this. And so by the
15:26
time, so I still had a consecutive sentence, they bootlegged the strong arm
15:31
robbery on me. Yeah, so I still had some time to come up
15:33
here and finish up my state sentence. Okay, so after you were done
15:39
with your federal time, you went to stay prison, right, which is
15:43
way different in North Dakota. Right, So I came up to North Dakota
15:48
in like two thousand and five, and we're just finish getting it wrapped up.
15:54
I already did. I did some programming in Florence. I got up
16:03
to North Dakota and just kind of did the orientation. So I never really
16:07
was out at the walls and did the orientation. I went to the farm
16:11
pretty much gave me parole right away. Okay, So I started. I
16:15
got out of prison, and I was like, I was really scared that
16:21
I was going to go back to doing math. You know, I'm so
16:25
scared. I just didn't want it. But I was done with that lifestyle.
16:30
So like, I got out and I did good. You know,
16:33
I was drinking. I switched addictions to drinking, and that's almost probably more
16:38
trouble than the myth, you know, right, So with that, how
16:45
old were you when you got out of prison? How old was I when
16:48
I got out of prison? Yeah, twenty six okay, and you served
16:53
how much time? Five? I think I had a little bit over five
16:57
years in Okay, So your twenties were spent in prison basically. Okay,
17:07
Yeah, that's worth being scared for anyway, you know, because you haven't
17:11
had any jobs up to this point, or you know, how do you
17:15
explain that when you're trying to apply for jobs and you're a felon. Now,
17:18
I would imagine that's difficult to immerse yourself back into the community. Well,
17:25
so, right when I got out of prison, it was it's never
17:29
been really an issue, you know, that's good. I got out and
17:32
I got hired right away. While I was in the halfway house at Front
17:36
Street mill Works worked there to get there, and as soon as I got
17:41
out of the halfway house. I had pretty much a trucking company waiting for
17:45
me, so okay, my dad helped me out get started in that.
17:48
So I started just drinking and doing the over the road heavy haul or not
17:56
heavy haul, but calling equipment, you know, doing that, and then
18:04
did that for a little while, made a great money, and then again
18:08
my drinking gets me in trouble. I go down to stur just while I'm
18:11
on federal and state probation, and I get a duy down there and smarting
18:18
off to the cops, you know, and set some slick stuff to him,
18:21
and carried over into the courtroom. And back then they used to give
18:25
you like a three hundred dollars ticket and it didn't go on your record,
18:27
but yeah, they ran. They ran my name and all that stuff came
18:33
up, and he was like I made some comments. I made some comments
18:37
to him, and you know, it ended up getting carried over to the
18:41
judge, and the judges like, you know, let's all let everybody go,
18:45
and then kept me in jail, and my family was already there.
18:48
They just figured I got you know, partied up and lost for a minute.
18:53
So they already were headed back to North Dakota. So yeah, it
18:56
was a costly It ended up being a real cost sleep deal. You know.
19:00
I had to hire an attorney to get bailed out of jail, and
19:03
anyway, I just still didn't learn my lesson, you know, and knew
19:11
I was going to be in trouble. But it was like the first time
19:12
I had any kind of offense on probation, so pretty much. But it
19:19
did cost me right trucking, you know, so because of the duy,
19:23
you lost your license, right, So I ended up losing that and then
19:32
kind of got an eight to five job and then did side job or work
19:37
on the side, you know, and ended up starting my family. In
19:41
like two thousand and eight, my daughter came along, Zoe, And yeah,
19:48
okay, so did you go back to math ever or was it just
19:52
the alcohol so into Yeah, I had some other trouble along in this road
19:59
too. So in two thousand and eight my daughter came my wife, I
20:03
got married, and I knew it wasn't a good fit, but I just
20:07
figured like, hey, if there's two good people, you know, like,
20:12
the marriage wasn't a good fit, not at all, okay, you
20:15
know, so, but I just thought like, hey, you could have
20:18
a kid and like make it work or you know, and and it didn't.
20:25
So like after a year, I think not even filed for divorce,
20:30
and I think we got divorced in like two thousand and nine, finally went
20:33
through. So we're like lived together as a married home for like six months,
20:37
sure maybe, and then it took another six months to get her gone,
20:41
you know, yep. And then you know, and that was a
20:45
sad point in my life. You know, I hurt my daughter's godfather,
20:49
Ryan. He had they're on the phone with me, you know, and
20:56
he was going through a tough time, and you know, he was just
21:00
like, Hey, if I asked you for something, would you give it
21:02
to me? And I said absolutely, what do you need? You know,
21:06
and he's like that's all I needed to hear, and you know,
21:10
he hung up the phone. He was crying, and he said his grandma
21:14
was calling that he had to go and meet me for lunch tomorrow and he's
21:18
like, yeah, I'll be there, I said, promise, you said
21:21
yep, And he never showed up. And then and asked his twin sister
21:26
Amy to go and check on him, and she finally did, and he
21:33
had hung himself. So he had asked me to give him, you know,
21:37
when he asked me, what's that If I asked you for something,
21:41
would you give it to me? And he knew I was against suicide,
21:45
you know, and so he's like asking your permission, Yeah, and I
21:49
gave it. I was like, yeah, whatever, And you know that
21:53
weighed on my soul heavy, absolutely so m hmm. At that point,
22:00
my wife left, you know, and my life I just gave up.
22:04
You know. I remember thinking about suicide and I was like I just couldn't
22:08
give myself to do it. You know. I love my daughter with all
22:11
my heart and I missed coming home from work and having her daddy. You
22:17
know, that was gone. And I just pretty much gave it up on
22:22
life at that point. And I was like, you know what, man,
22:26
I scheduled my relapse and at that point, I just made it a
22:30
point like I'm gonna raise hell and I'm gonna turn it up. And I
22:36
got back an a dope and selling it and so yeah, I did get
22:40
way heavy and it was an intentional type Oh yeah, yeah. I knew
22:44
at this point my life before I was a naive kid, you know,
22:48
so young. I don't really understand what I'm doing, you know, and
22:52
then now I'm like twenty twenty nine, whenever I was and twenty eight I
23:00
think, and or somewhere in my late twenties, and I was just like,
23:03
throw in the rag. I wasn't on probation, so I was like,
23:07
I'm just gonna let her buck and see how far it goes, you
23:10
know. I got I started selling. I got back into heavy haul,
23:18
so I had my own truck and stuff again. So I was doing that
23:22
and selling drugs, and so how long did it buck? How long did
23:26
it go? Well, so I you know, like in all reality,
23:33
like for what I was doing, I had a pretty good run. You
23:36
know, it went until God decided it wasn't gonna anymore, you know,
23:41
and I was going down a road where you know, I was making crazy
23:45
amounts of money. I was probably you know, selling pounds, multiple pounds
23:51
a week and just probably more money than most people making a year and a
23:56
week, you know, and I was still broke. Yeah. Yeah,
24:00
So the trucking fell up apart. We lost not not necessarily because of the
24:06
drugs, but we lost a contract we had and then it was all just
24:15
at that time, I was so far into the dope that you know,
24:21
doing that, starting a motorcycle club up, and you know, just trying
24:26
to do the dumbest stuff I could I can think of. You know.
24:27
At the time, it was like maybe I watched a little bit too much
24:30
Sun's An or all right, So yeah, I've always been into motorcycles and
24:37
I was like riding, so I started, uh just I was going out
24:45
to the coast every couple of weeks or going down to Utah or wherever,
24:51
you know, and and just always just feeling that void until about twenty fifteen
24:59
and March thirty, twenty fifteen, you know, at the end of twenty
25:03
fourteen or at the beginning of twenty fourteen, I have my second kid was
25:11
born, Sammy, same same woman that I have my daughter with, so
25:18
trying to make that work and it didn't. It just blew up bigger.
25:22
Yet sometimes we gotta try twice, right, So really I have two kids,
25:29
Samy and Zoie Sammy, and at that point I came to a point
25:34
in my life where I was like, Okay, I love my kids and
25:37
I'm probably not doing anything good for him. My son was just a baby.
25:42
I told my daughter. I was like, hey, dad's gonna leave,
25:45
and I don't know when you'll see me again, you know. Took
25:49
her out Christmas shopping and last time, and that was pretty much on March
25:56
third or March second, I took and I was gonna go to Vegas,
26:00
Okay, to quick gambling and get sober. Okay, real, real smart,
26:07
you know. Okay, So to get sober, oh yeah, okay,
26:11
Well, and the plan was to get sober and quit gambling. Okay.
26:15
All that money I was making a straight put back into gambling, like
26:18
I was probably the most brokenst drug dealer you ever met. Okay. And
26:22
I mean, you know, whether it was twenty or fifty grand a week,
26:25
just everything. Yeah. So loaded my motorcycle up in the back of
26:33
the pickup, and I was moving to Vegas. Okay, why Vegas.
26:37
I one of my ex girlfriends that I started when I got back into the
26:42
drugs with. She went down there, and I was going back down to
26:47
live with her or move it, you know, move down there with her
26:49
and get married or whatever. Okay, La La Land I was living in
26:53
and so going down I'm gonna way down there. I got a stop per
27:00
Prayer Night's Casino one last time, you know, try to win the whole
27:03
place, but stayed the night down. I was actually waiting for somebody else
27:08
and I still had some dope to get rid of. You can imagine that
27:18
I go down there. I see one of my buddies the night before and
27:22
I'm like, hey, you got you know, like years prior. He
27:25
was like, hey, man, do you ever think that we kind of
27:26
look alike? And I'm like, no, not really, you're kind of
27:30
ugly. So I see him at the stage stop the night and this the
27:34
night before, and I'm like, hey, you got your driver's license with
27:38
you and he's like yeah, I said, yeah, right, let me
27:42
see it. And he pulls it out and I grabbed it and he's like,
27:45
give me that back, and I was like, here's five hundred bucks.
27:48
And he's like, all right, just don't ever give it to don't
27:49
give it to the cops. And I'm like, okay, I had a
27:52
mistermeanor Warren out. So I go down to the casino. We go down
27:56
to the casino and this is like where my life changed. Right. So
28:03
I've been arrested I don't know how many times, quite a few by this
28:06
point my life, and never been violent with the police. Right, So
28:11
I get we stay at night, pready nights and the next day I'm leaving,
28:18
all right, I'm waiting for a friend of mine. So I go
28:22
down and he's supposed to give me a large sum of money and I'm going
28:25
to give him what I have left and We're gonna be good, right.
28:30
I go down. I tell him it's just when you look at the intricate
28:33
details of it, it was nothing other than God, right, although I
28:37
was just it was just crazy. So anyway, somebody calls me in for
28:42
suspicious activity, right, so we leave the casino. I go back up
28:48
to the to the convenience store at the casino, and somebody follows me in
28:55
there and I go walk back out and my buddy's waiting for me in to
29:02
pick up. And when the other guy walks out, the guy that followed
29:07
me back to the followed me to the convenience store. Like I said,
29:11
hey, man, do you know this guy? And he's like no.
29:15
He opens the door and he's like, hey you want you want to get
29:18
beat up? And the guys I know it, jumps in his car and
29:22
didn't think nothing of it. But he ran back and called the b I
29:26
a and that's who reported us, reported me. And interesting, Yeah,
29:30
so we're driving south. Well, we just drive down this road a little
29:37
bit, and he kind of tells me, gives me some story about hey,
29:41
here's some there's like a couple of grand go back to the casino.
29:45
I'll go grab the other money, and then you can skate out and if
29:49
I'm not back, just meet me out the farm. So I'm like,
29:52
all right, bet. So I drop him off and we're jumping the pickup
29:56
and we're left and we're headed. We went back into the casino, jumped
30:00
and lost some money, jumped in the pickup and took back off and working
30:03
him to go to school, meet him at his farm. And then about
30:06
halfway I would say it almost a forty eight, about halfway between the casino
30:10
and fourty eights, I have this BIA car pull over and that's he flips
30:21
behind me, hits the lights, and I had a forty cal on me,
30:26
And at that point in my life, I wanted to die. Long
30:30
story short. Oh, I had a girl with me that was about like
30:36
she was younger, like in her mid twenties, and I knew she had
30:40
a kid, you know, And they call her out of the vehicle.
30:42
Well, I'm going through this and this cop gave him that my buddy's I
30:45
d and he's called me by the name the whole time, his name,
30:49
and she jumps back in the pickup and she's like, oh man, this
30:52
isn't it. You're in a lot of trouble. I'm like what, And
30:56
she's like, I told him who you were, and I'm like, oh
30:59
man, you gotta get out of the pickup and she's like, I was
31:02
like, someone's it's gonna get ugly. My plan was I wasn't gonna try
31:07
to kill him, the cop, but I was gonna shoot him to get
31:11
so he would shoot me, you know, and she wouldn't get out.
31:15
And that was pretty much my saving grace. So jump out of the pickup
31:21
and the the officer was just trying to arrest me, and I'm like,
31:26
no, I'm good, dude. I jumped back in the pickup and he
31:29
starts hitting well, well, I'm going back to the pickup. He starts
31:32
hitting me and then he's hit me in my solar plexus and I grab his
31:37
arm and I put it in drive and went down the road and like let
31:41
him go. You know, I don't know a little ways down the road
31:48
and went on a high speed chase and pretty much I got rid of everything.
31:56
And that's uh, that was the divine intervention. So did you realize
32:07
that at the time. Uh? No, you know, I sat actually
32:13
sat in county jail and I was gonna kill myself. So I tried bringing
32:17
something up to hang myself with, and it just couldn't happen. It just
32:22
didn't happen. I couldn't do it, and I just was like, God,
32:29
where do you want me? Man? You know, I got bailed
32:35
out of jail because I was only being held on a state mistermeanor or not
32:40
a mister meaner more. Yeah, state mistermeanor charge. So I got out
32:45
of jail and within twenty four hours I was back in the same cell,
32:51
in the same bed, and it's just like, Okay, I guess this
32:53
is where you want me, you know, And you know, looking back
33:00
at it, like that's kind of why I got into that whole thing,
33:04
you know, that story is because if it went any other way, right,
33:07
Yeah, it took that cop that was going to assault me to do
33:12
this right, and and it allowed me to get rid of something that i'd
33:17
still be in prison. For today, you know what I mean. So
33:22
that was a blessing in disguise. So I got charged with assault on a
33:27
federal officer and fell in a possession of a firearm, and and false statements
33:34
to an officer because I gave him that idea, and the fake idea actually
33:37
carried five years. Yeah right, so yeah, kind of going through it,
33:45
the whole thing I got. I prayed for five years at Oxford and
33:52
that's exactly what I got fed prison again. So I went and did that
33:59
and then and got done with my time. And you know, I sat
34:06
the whole five years and got out. And what year did you get out?
34:14
And how old were you? Two thousand and nineteen, I believe,
34:17
okay, yeah, so and then I did the house arrest, so it
34:24
would have been going into twenty twenty. Okay. So I did you ever
34:32
use in federal prison? Yeah? Okay, yeah, a lot every day?
34:37
Yeah, okay, so you weren't sober in prison? No? Start,
34:42
Well, when I went to prison this time, you know, the
34:45
whole federal system kind of changed at this point, and you know, I
34:53
had a god moment because fighting that whole case, you know, like it
35:04
was just you know, we only have a certain amount of time and getting
35:08
into all that crazy but you know, like fighting that case, and and
35:15
like I was getting in trouble in county jail to county jailed, and getting
35:19
kicked out of county jails and just raising hell, like you know, just
35:25
not being a good dude. And uh and but every county jail I went
35:30
to, I met somebody. You know. Uh one of my good friends,
35:35
Shane is the one that made me read this book, you know,
35:37
and I grabbed something and took it out of there. And another one of
35:42
my buddies, Mike Mikey Davis, he made me read another book, you
35:47
know. And and and just amongst meeting all these people kind of is what
35:54
started building my spirituality. And and and when I go to jail, I'm
35:59
the type of person and that's like, oh yeah, I didn't come here
36:01
to find Jesus kind of making fun of the people that do. You know.
36:06
One of my my prayer was answered, and I was like at that
36:07
time, like after I got what I was praying for, you know what
36:12
I mean, I just kind of put it to the side, you know.
36:17
So, uh, well, I get to federal prison, start starting
36:22
to get into the the drug games, right, It was big at that
36:27
time when I was in there, and then I started making wine and moonshine
36:32
and just doing prison things, you know, and getting lost in that I
36:37
got. When I got out is when I got sober, you know.
36:42
You know, I had to have stints of sobriety in there where I wouldn't
36:45
do anything. But so when I got out, I got to put on
36:51
house arrests and I stayed sober. But it didn't last long. You know.
36:58
It wasn't very long before I was doing meth again, you know,
37:01
and I wasn't selling it. I wouldn't sell it, and I just had
37:06
this federal probation officer Lee And I'd even ask this dude, like, why
37:12
don't you put me in prison? You know, and he's like, I
37:15
don't know, He's like, and I thought, oh, yeah, because
37:17
COVID, you know. Yeah. So I just keep on, you know,
37:24
I just keep on doing what I'm doing. You know. I had
37:27
a good job, and you know, looking back at it, it's really
37:30
kind of sad because the guy that I worked for, you know, he'd
37:34
had a lot of time, many years in sobriety, you know, and
37:37
I've you know, I've already went and been straight up with all my people
37:42
about it, and you know, it was just one of those deals where
37:45
like, uh, why he didn't put me in prison? I'll never know,
37:53
you know. I I still don't know to this day. I still
38:00
and ask him why, you know, or text h why dude, why
38:02
why didn't you? But I just remember him saying like he let me go
38:08
for so long, right, And then this is how God also worked in
38:14
it. Right, he went and well it would have been two and a
38:25
half years ago. Yeah, had enough of it, you know, Yeah,
38:31
yeah, I think I peved clean for meth and dirty for weed.
38:36
And I was like, he's like, I'm sick of this. And I'm
38:38
like, what do you mean you know this is accomplished, Like yeah,
38:44
And he's like how much money do you have in your bank account? And
38:46
I was like, I don't know, five or six hundred bucks and he's
38:50
like, no, man, and he's like you're still gambling. I'm like
38:54
yeah, He's like you're done. He's like, you make you have a
38:58
good job, you make good money. That's the reason why I think,
39:01
you know, part of the reason why he let me go as long as
39:07
he did. Then it got to a point where he was like, you're
39:09
going to the halfway house. So I went to the center for like a
39:14
week, and then I got kicked out because I got covid OK and I
39:17
was not ready for it right. So what I ended up doing was stop
39:22
and buy my friend Amy's, who's brother committed suicide. And it was about
39:30
it was one of his reunions I think is like thirteen year reunion of since
39:35
he had done it, and right in that week, and I walked in
39:38
the door and she's like, I am so sick of this And I said
39:44
what And she said, I cannot talk about my brother to you and all
39:49
people. And I was like why and she's like, because I look at
39:52
it at you and I can see it so heavy on your heart. So
39:57
that's really what broke the chains, you know. You know, I always
40:01
think that I'm pretty intelligent, but I can't see myself sometimes, you know
40:06
what I mean. So and that was the hole in the soul, you
40:09
know, like I felt so much guilt and there wasn't two I mean,
40:13
I couldn't even talk say his name without breaking down. So on that night
40:19
at Amy's was a game changer. And then I go and I went to
40:24
a meeting. I was having a tough time staying sober, like just struggling.
40:30
I go to a meeting and I talk about it or I Actually what
40:34
I did was I went home and I wrote. I just said hey,
40:37
I started writing a letter and I said, hey, I know this isn't
40:40
how he want me to feel. I know you'd have never done that if
40:45
he knew how much I'd wait to put on me. You know, he
40:49
just wasn't that guy. Yeah, And I said, so, if there's
40:52
anything you want me to do, let me know. And this thing came
40:55
on about suicide prevention TV and I'm like, oh, that's weird. And
41:05
right when I say that, So I go and I talk about it at
41:07
an a meeting and someone's like, hey, come in this suicide prevention meeting.
41:12
So I go and I do that, and uh yeah, they asked
41:17
me to speak there. And after I get done telling my story of how
41:21
his suicide, attending his suicide affected my just my life. Yeah, you
41:28
know, personally, I had a couple of people walk up to me and
41:30
one I'll never forget that girl. She was like, your story saved my
41:37
life today because I don't know how my kid and my my husband would deal
41:42
with it. And I was like, you know, that's what got it
41:46
into my head that I need to help people, right, So I gotta
41:50
get a job. I'm sober, I'm not getting along with my boss at
41:57
work, and I'm probably more angry than I've ever been in my life,
42:00
you know, and it's just the I'm so I just it's I'm so angry.
42:07
So this is when I submitted to God and ah, I left people
42:15
for dead two times in my life, and I was using both them times,
42:20
and this time I'm completely sober. And if I would have ran into
42:23
this individual, she didn't even know like how serious this would have been for
42:28
him, because I just wouldn't have quit, you know. And you know,
42:37
I was so angry, out of control. I just hit my knees
42:39
and I was like, hey, dude, if you're real and to take
42:42
this from me, and God did, so I was like, all right,
42:47
man, it was just lifted, so I knew it was real,
42:52
you know what I mean. I'm pretty always been extreme in my life,
42:55
So when this was lifted from me, I was like, all right,
42:59
dude, what do you want me to do for you? Yeah, you
43:00
know, at the time. I don't know. Even though that happened,
43:05
I didn't look at it as a spiritual awakening or submission to God. I
43:08
just looked at it as like a cry out for help. But he knew
43:12
what was going on, my buddy tells me. At the same time,
43:15
it's hard to put in a linear timeline. My buddy tells, me,
43:19
hey, man, I want you to be the Godfather, like this might
43:22
have been a couple of weeks before Godfather or my kid. I want you
43:24
to go to church. And I'm like, no, absolutely not. I
43:27
will not push that stuff. And finally I go, and when I go,
43:31
I get the tingling in my head and I'm like telling him, and
43:35
I met my mom there and I'm telling him like, hey, I got
43:37
this tingling, I don't feel good. I gotta go. And he's like,
43:39
that's the Holy Spirit. And I'm like, not get out of here
43:42
with that. So I went back the next week just to make sure that
43:47
it wasn't like God, and it was. But I noticed something else.
43:54
When I let fear and control or get that anger creeping back a little bit,
43:58
I lose that feeling, right yea. So now I know it's a
44:00
spiritual melody. Right. I was working with a sponsor because I was at
44:07
this point just willing to do whatever it took to get better, you know,
44:13
because I have a year of probation left, you know, and I'm
44:15
struggling. So my buddy tricks me into going to this program called shop Talk,
44:22
and Steve Skipple puts it on a custom stripes. I end up.
44:27
I end up going there and some older gentleman named Dale Reader he ends up
44:35
praying over me, and I'm still not ready for it again, right,
44:39
I'm kind of hard headed. So when he prays up for me, though,
44:43
he starts like I prophesizing over me and we leave and I'm like,
44:49
I'm good that. My buddy's like, do you know what just happened.
44:52
I'm like, yeah, same thing they do to every new guy, you
44:53
know. And he's like, nah, man, I've been coming here for
44:57
years. I've never seen him do that. Like that was crazy. So
45:02
I had that happen, and so, uh, my boss is my my
45:10
my boss at the time, my old he would have been my old boss.
45:15
He has a brother, and I go talk to my boss and my
45:20
boss isn't there. His name is Brad. So Brad's not there, but
45:23
his brother is. But I stay clear the hell away from that dude because
45:28
he is used to be a cop and he was an arresting officer. His
45:30
name is Clayton, right, so but now, like I have nothing to
45:36
worry about. But I come in there one day and he's like, hey,
45:39
my sister was always telling me go talk to him. He helps a
45:42
lot of people, and he's got years of sobriety decades, you know.
45:47
And uh, I go in and I talked to him. Uh, finally
45:53
talked to Clayton, and I'm like, he's not a bad guy, but
45:57
he's still a cop, you know. And you know, Clayton's just like
46:01
trying to just calm me down. You know, he gets it. He
46:05
gets how mad I am at this particular individual, and he's just like,
46:10
you know, just relax. You can't control everybody. And I'm like,
46:13
all right. So that's kind of how hard how his and I relationship ship
46:19
started. And then what happened was, you know, God keeps on just
46:22
throwing all these things at me, but I don't realize it yet. Yeah,
46:25
you know, so i'd have another guy that reached out to me one
46:30
time, you know, like, hey, do you want to hang out,
46:32
okay, And he takes me this deal at Team Challenge, Sure,
46:36
and I'm like, what am I supposed to do here? You know?
46:38
And then all of a sudden they're talking about mentoring, mentoring, mentoring,
46:43
So like, you know, six months into my recovery, I would say
46:47
five four or five six months somewhere in there, this stuff keeps on popping
46:52
up. Maybe four months, I'm not quite sure. Like, and then
46:58
I see one of my old probation off smart Chemick and he's like, what
47:01
are you doing to help kids? Well? First I saw him at church
47:05
and he's like, what are you doing here? Oh God? He's like,
47:07
well, what are you doing to help? Do I need to leave?
47:09
He's like no, but you let me get your phone number. He's
47:13
like, what are you doing for kids? And I was like nothing?
47:15
And I believe when I was on probation with him before, he would just
47:17
have me going to y CC. Okay, you know, so as community
47:22
service and speak to them kids. I know that I can. I can
47:25
reach the kid as soon as it's out of sight, it's out of mind
47:29
to right. So how this is going on? And one day I'm just
47:34
driving out to work and I hit I hit the Lincoln turn and I go
47:38
back and it comes to me, you know, and I'm like, I
47:42
go right back to Clayton's office because I know he's got some time in helping
47:45
people. And I'm like, hey, if I got an idea, and
47:49
he's like, what is it? And I was like, I want to
47:52
get four go cards. I go to YCC and tell me, tell him
47:55
give me four of the four of the guys that you can't do for these
47:58
kids, that you can't do nothing with for her hardest cases. And then
48:04
I was like, what are you thinking. He's like, oh, I
48:07
love it. At first he started laughing and I was like stupid. He's
48:10
like, no, I love it. And then I go out to the
48:15
place I work on now Barnhart. You know, I gotta go to work.
48:17
I go out to Barnhart and or actually that's when my girlfriend comes in
48:25
the picture, andre Ah, and this thing starts kind of like just talking
48:34
to a few people and it's kind of just like people want to be involved,
48:37
and it's like okay. And then I go out to this Barnhart and
48:42
we were hauling equipment for him, and they're like, hey, what have
48:44
you been up? To and they just so happened to have a breakfast this
48:46
morning. What have you been up to? I tell him, and they're
48:52
like, man, you need to get a five O one C three.
48:54
So not only so, then I end up visiting with them folks, and
48:59
then I up getting a job with them, and and it was all after
49:02
I started wanting to help kids, you know what I mean. And then
49:07
that's really what my sobriety centered on. And then I bet I got on
49:14
the marijuana maintenance program and that didn't work. So like that's when, like,
49:21
you know, I just noticed that like for my life, like I
49:24
have to follow God and I have to keep my spirituality check or else everything
49:30
stops. So I got this calling. You know, my purpose in life
49:36
is to help people find God. My calling is using my specific set of
49:39
hardships and bad choices to keep another kid from walking through it. You know.
49:45
So we started this program. It's called Destination Elevation. Clayton ended up
49:52
being the president. I'm the direct This guy you never wanted to talk to
49:58
Mark is actually the treasurer. And you know, like it gave me this
50:04
whole appreciation for law enforcement too. You know. Yeah, so what exactly
50:07
does this organization do for kids? So we are we did get our five
50:14
o' one c three done and what we do is basically trying to stop addiction
50:21
before it starts, and by doing how we how we aim to do that
50:25
is to get him at the first stage of back, you know, and
50:29
then just working with them and sharing our life experience. We've had a couple
50:35
kids that have turned their lives around and seeing good progress. It's amazing.
50:40
Yeah, it is. It's you know, I tell the I tell this
50:47
one kid, I said, you know you do. He's like, why
50:52
do you do this? And I was like, well, because I want
50:54
too and because I have to. And he's like, why would you do
51:00
this for someone you don't know? And I was like, well, it's
51:02
like this, I said, you actually helped me more than I'll ever help
51:07
you. Seeing him turn his spiritual his fears into love and he's actually uh
51:20
a junior mentor you know, you know, showing a kid that there is
51:30
a different way, you know, if they want to take it, and
51:34
then watching them choose to take that way. Yeah, you know, it
51:37
makes every time I walked into a federal prison or a jail or whatever worth
51:40
it, you know, so how it kind of looks is, Yeah,
51:46
a lot of the people that I used to run the streets with turn their
51:50
life over to God and Jesus, and you know they're they're involved with the
51:57
mentoring. And then the people that were always chasing me around are involved with
52:02
the board correctors. Very cool, it's awesome. So anyone out there who
52:08
might be listening, who's struggling right now with something, you would tell them.
52:20
Although it's hard to believe that everything can go away with just with belief
52:24
in God and submitting to God, you know, the hardest things I've ever
52:31
faced in life were the most important because that's where we get our strength,
52:38
that's where we get the lessons because you know, I can only keep what
52:45
I have by giving it away, and you know it's never too late to
52:51
change. And you know, for me, I just had to hit my
52:57
knees and ask God. And you know I do the best in life,
53:01
but I'm grateful for everything. One more time, let's give a shout out
53:07
to your organization so we all can remember and support Destination Elevation. Awesome.
53:14
Thank you for being here, thank you for having me